Sitting on a bus, Yumi pressed her forehead against the cool glass, watching as buildings flew past in a blur of lights and motion. When it first arrived at the stop, she had been so lost in thought that the driver had called out to her, asking if she wanted to board or not. Although she had been embarrassed by the incident Yumi found she couldn't help slipping back into that state of mind as she soon as she sat down. Sachiko's words kept echoing in her head, dogging her constantly. "She's in love with you, Yumi." It wasn't like her oneesama to lie, especially to her, so Yumi knew there was truth in her words. But all the same, she couldn't comprehend the idea of Touko being in love with her. If Touko loved her then why was she cold at times? Why did she insist in trying to reunite her with Sachiko? Why didn't she act the slightest bit like she was in love? Before she left, Yumi voiced these questions to Sachiko who smiled sadly and said that Yumi knew the answers already. She just had to think about Touko and what kind of person she was to realize them. And that's what Yumi had been doing ever since she left the younger girl's house but the answers refused to come. Heaving a sigh and watching as her breath fogged up the window, Yumi thought yet again about Touko and what kind of girl she was. As she did, Yumi wondered vaguely if coming up with a list of Touko's characteristics would help. Excited by the idea, Yumi searched through her bag and pulled out a pen and paper to begin jotting things down. She decided the best way to go about it would be to do it like those free thinking exercises. To simply consider Touko in her mind and write down the words that popped into her head as she focused on her. Smiling widely at this, Yumi set about writing. The list came to her surprisingly fast at first as she quickly wrote down the following: Loyal. Stubborn. Feisty. Intelligent. Cute but hates it when you tell her so. Outgoing. Motivated. Caring. Smart Aleck. Brave. Grumpy. Strangely shy. Curious. Skeptical. Guarded. Yumi paused as an image of Touko came to her, an unreadable but equally unbearable emptiness in her eyes and a twisted smile on her features, as if she knew far too much about the world and the people in it and hated herself for it. Biting her lip at this image, Yumi looked down at her list and wrote two more things. Hurt. Lonely. Staring at the words, Yumi found the answers to her questions. Touko was cold to her because she was hurt, she had been hurting for so very long that maybe she didn't know any other way of existing. Hurt by how her family ignored her, how she was treated like a commodity, not a person, and not even a very valuable commodity at that. Growing up like that how easy would it be to trust another person? To believe their actions and feelings towards you were genuine and not some attempt at manipulation? And of course you would distrust anyone you knew was trying to manipulate you, no matter their reason. Loyalty and stubbornness were why Touko was trying her best to reunite her with Sachiko. She truly loved Sachiko like a big sister and was fiercely loyal to her. From the little she knew, it seemed to Yumi that Sachiko was the lone family member who cared for Touko, who gave her attention and love when everyone else would not. Because of that, Touko valued Sachiko's happiness more than her own and she believed Yumi to be the source of that happiness. Which meant she had to bring them back together to make Sachiko happy again, despite her own feelings. Even when it was obvious that Sachiko wouldn't go along with her plans, Touko stubbornly refused to accept it, not wanting to contend with the possibility of her beloved big sister remaining unhappy when she had happiness within her grasp. Touko rarely dropped her guard and it was this that kept her from revealing her feelings. They were hidden away in some deep recess of her heart where she knew they would be safe. Where they couldn't be hurt by Yumi's potential rejection and they stayed in that dark place, alone and unappreciated. Perhaps wanting to be released when it seemed as if Yumi returned her feelings but loyalty forcing them to remain hidden to help ensure Sachiko's happiness once again. But even though Touko tried so very hard to hide her love Yumi could see now how it emerged in the smallest but most significant ways. How she was always subtly looking out for the older girl's welfare, how she stalwartly supported her, though she did make a big show of complaining as she did. Once again in attempt to guard herself, to keep herself safe, maybe from her own feelings. Running her fingers over the list, Yumi looked at it in something akin to shock. Touko really was in love with her. She had been for months, perhaps longer. The concept was foreign and a little frightening and Yumi hated herself for feeling this way. It was what she wanted, wasn't it? For Touko to love her? She had been chasing after that just as much as getting Touko to accept her as a grande soeur. So why was it now that she knew Touko loved her, was in love with her, she wasn't ecstatic? Because she wasn't sure she returned those feelings. Yumi loved Touko but she didn't know if she was in love with her. Shutting her eyes tightly, Yumi rested her head against the window with a slight thump, not caring in the slightest the pain this caused her. How could she have done it? She chased after Touko like she was a brand new toy, shouting at the top of her lungs how much she wanted it, only to stare at it blankly when it was finally given to her. Opening her eyes, Yumi stared out into the darkness and said, "I'm a horrible person." And really, she was. She had been playing with Touko for so long without ever really knowing what she wanted. All the time longing for Sachiko and letting Touko see that. Of course the younger girl never let her know about her feelings! Touko knew this would be her reaction. Guilt and confusion and a sinking feeling of regret. Not exactly the desired response when confessing your love. What did she always say about Touko? That she could fall in love with her. And really, Yumi knew she could. It was simply that she never saw herself really allowing it because Sachiko was there, lurking in the back of her mind. Always present in her thoughts and it seemed to Yumi that as long as Sachiko held that place there wasn't room for Touko. But now... Sachiko was asking Yumi to let her leave that place in her heart and to allow Touko in. Because Touko loved her just as much as Sachiko did, perhaps more, because unlike Sachiko she wouldn't let anything come between them. Once Yumi accepted her love, she would devote herself to the older girl, no matter what anyone might say about them. The opinions of the general public didn't matter in the slightest to Touko, that was something Yumi knew first hand, and Sachiko had said Touko wouldn't share her problems with the family. That she couldn't be swayed by their words or wants. The scary thing was how easily it could happen, to start loving Touko. Honestly, Yumi thought she already did because ever since she left the house she had been obsessed with thoughts of Touko and her feelings and how she had probably hurt her over the past few months and how she could possibly make it up to her. Not once had Sachiko's rejection entered her mind, that final and unwavering goodbye that ended their romantic relationship for good. Only she found guilt overwhelming her because while she thought she had begun to love Touko, to fall in love with her, she wasn't sure she could ever stop loving Sachiko. And would Touko really want her when she felt that way? This thought plagued Yumi for the rest of the night. --- Pressing her hand flat against the door to Touko's room, Sachiko reminded herself why she was doing this. She loved Yumi but she was also painfully aware of her own faults. The opinions of others mattered far too much to her, she had been raised to care more about what everyone else thought of her than she herself did. Because of that, continuing her relationship with Yumi would be impossible. Unless they were to do it in secret and Sachiko couldn't ask that of the younger girl. Though she had a feeling if she was to ask Yumi might reluctantly agree and that reluctance would slowly kill their love for each other, she was sure of it. That was why she was doing this, that and the knowledge Touko loved Yumi as she did. And Touko, unlike her, had very little care about the opinions of others. Particularly those of their disapproving family members, including her own parents, because they themselves were the very same people who had paid her so little care in the past. If they couldn't show her any respect then why should she return it? Sachiko knew all too well from various experiences this was the younger girl's stance on their family. Something that made her perfect for Yumi because she would never be swayed by their disapproval. In fact, Sachiko wondered if Touko would even notice it. Giving the door a soft knock, Sachiko waited a moment before opening it. When she did, she saw Touko looking at her from where she sat on her bed, eyes wide with surprise and glistening with unshed tears, her right hand holding her mobile phone. "Sachiko-oneesama!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. Her eyes remained fixed on Sachiko until someone on the other end of the phone said something that caused Touko to tear her eyes away. Offering Sachiko an apologetic smile, Touko turned around and conversed quietly with whoever she was speaking with. A few seconds later, she was turning her phone off and looking at Sachiko with an expression of definite concern as she placed the phone on her nightstand. Looking up from the small table, Touko appeared lost for the proper words and finally said a bit hesitantly, "Where is Yumi-sama?" "Yumi has gone home," said Sachiko rather solemnly. "Then..." Touko trailed off, unable to say the words, face turning red with embarassment at having been caught. "Your plan was a good one, Touko," murmured Sachiko, stepping close to her cousin. "And I understand quite well why you did it but I must ask you to cease your efforts. I've made my decision and Yumi has accepted it and so should you." "But it isn't right!" declared Touko fiercely, moving quickly from around her bed to stand in front of Sachiko. "Why should you be unhappy just because they want to merge the companies? It's not a marriage, it's a business deal!" Tilting her head, Sachiko's eyes traveled about the room, a small smile playing on her lips when she saw a picture of herself and Touko aboard the family yacht, Sachiko trying her best to keep her hat on her head and Touko beaming at her. It was only three short years ago but oh, how life was so much simpler then. "You might be right about that, Touko, but it hardly matters," she said quietly. "They want this marriage and because of that the reasons behind it are inconsequential." "But—" Touko tried again only to be silenced by Sachiko stepping forward and placing an index finger over her mouth. "You mustn't be so romantically self destructive, Touko," said Sachiko almost playfully, though a quiet sadness shone in her eyes. "I know you would rather die than admit it but this is good news for you if you would only accept it as such." "Sachiko-oneesama?" Touko said her name in a disbelieving whisper. "I know how you feel about Yumi," continued Sachiko kindly and Touko immediately dropped her head, face turning red again, and she kept her gaze as far from Sachiko as she could manage. Sighing at this reaction, Sachiko reached down to hold her cousin's face in her hands, after a long moment Touko relented and allowed Sachiko to lift her head, though she kept her eyes away from the older girl. "Touko," she said her name with such depth of understanding that the younger girl couldn't help but draw her gaze to Sachiko. "I don't blame you for how you feel, I never have." Sachiko gave a wry smile. "More than anyone, I can understand how easy it is to fall under Yumi's spell. Especially when you've never encountered caring such as hers." "I never meant for it to happen!" cried Touko in tormented tones, clutching at Sachiko's hands and looking up at her with eyes that begged for forgiveness. "Please, believe me!" "I believe you," murmured Sachiko gently, pulling her cousin to her in a warm embrace. Leaning down, she stroked Touko's hair and whispered in her ear, "I told you I understood how easy it is to fall in love with Yumi, didn't I? I could never blame you for such a thing. I know all to well how it's beyond your own control, no matter how you wish it wasn't so. I also know how your guilt at falling in love with Yumi is what is pressing you to get her to return to me, despite the choices I've made. But Touko," Sachiko said her name tenderly but firmly, her gaze turning fierce. "You must stop. She needs you now." Pausing for a long moment, the older girl closed her eyes and released a shuddering sigh. "If I cannot be with Yumi there is no one else I would rather have take care of her than you, Touko. I've known you since you were a child and I've watched you grow and I know what kind of person you are. Though you try to hide your kindness beneath a prickly exterior I know it's there. Please," Sachiko pleaded, gripping the younger girl's hands tightly. "Love her and treat her well. Treat her as I should have." Before Touko could formulate a reply, Sachiko slipped away, closing the door softly behind her, leaving Touko stunned as she stepped backwards and sat down on her bed. All the while wondering exactly what she should do now.
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