The Way We Are (part 2 of 20)

Underneath the Surface

Since that morning in homeroom when I read the letter Shizuru had given me, I hadn’t been able to get the whole situation out of my mind.

Why had she seemed upset the day before? Was there something she wanted to tell me?Needed to tell me? Why couldn’t she just say it? Why does she want to meet on a Saturday evening?

But more importantly…why do I even care so much?

This is probably just some big joke at my expense.

The taping of my pencil on the table suddenly became more rapid and forceful.

“Arg!” I finally roared, throwing the writing utencil across the room. It made a faint‘tink’ as it hit the floor and continued rolling across the apartment as I stared straight ahead.

I felt as though my eyes could burn holes in the wall from the intensity of my frustrated glare. Snapping my head, I looked over at the clock on the microwave, its green numbers seeming to taunt me.

5:00

It was an hour before the proposed meeting time, and I still hadn’t decided on what to do.

“I thought you had come to the decision to not trust anyone,” my brain jabbed at me in a mocking tone, “I thought you didn’t want to get close to anyone ever again. We know how much you dread the idea of losing another person you hold so dear—“

“Shut up!” I screamed, “Just…shut up…”

I placed a hand over my face, and tried not to think of my mother and father.

I failed miserably.

Lying back on the floor and forgetting about my homework for the time being, I blinked up at the white ceiling, my arms sprawled out above my head.

What am I supposed to do?

Turning my head to the side, I closed my eyes. I stayed like this for what seemed like an eternity, but when I mustered up the courage to peek at the clock again, only twenty-three minutes had passed.

“Fresh air…that’s what I need,” I stated out loud.

Sliding my feet out from under the table, I pulled myself up off the ground with a small grunt and headed to my bedroom. I slipped on a simple t-shirt over my tank top, traded my pajama shorts for a pair of snug blue jeans, and laced up my shoes before grabbing my keys and cell phone. Deciding to just leave my hair in its messy ponytail, I headed out the door.

After grabbing a bite to eat from one of the open food stands, I walked around the city aimlessly for a while, not going anywhere in particular. I did some mindless window-shopping as I finished eating my bean paste bread, every now and then unconsciously flicking my cell open to see what time it was.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Fuuka Academy.

It was 5:55.

1:10

I’d been awake for over an hour, and I still hadn’t got out of bed.

You’ve already slept in…how long are you planning on staying in bed? All day?

I mentally shrugged.

Just because today is…

I groaned as I rolled over and nearly off the side of the bed in the process. Luckily I had enough wits about me to stick my legs out and barely catch myself before I face-planted directly onto the floor. I shuffled over to the kitchen and got a kettle of water boiling on the stove before going into the bathroom.

Flicking on the lights, I squinted at my reflection in the mirror. I ran a hand through my disheveled hair and straightened my bangs as best as I could before allowing the yawn I’d been holding back to escape. At the sound of a high-pitched whistling, I retreated back to the kitchen and make myself a cup of hot tea. Once I was done adding some sugar and milk, I walked over to the couch and flipped on the TV, changing over to one of the news channels to see if anything had happened during the night as I sipped at the hot substance in the cup.

Mmm…that’s exactly what I needed.

The caffeine in the tea helped wake me up, and once I’d finished off the liquid and placed the mug into the sink, I returned to the bathroom and started the water in the shower. I stripped down as I waited for it to warm up, and once it reached a desirable temperature, I ventured inside. The feel of the warm water raining down on my skin was relaxing, and I took my time washing off.

The handle made a soft squeaking noise as I turn it off. Sticking an arm out of the curtain, I grabbed the nearest towel and started to dry myself. Once I had finished, I wrapped the towel around my body, its soft white cloth barely long enough to keep me covered up. After applying lotion to my legs and arms, its sweet lavender scent taking over the room, I exited the bathroom just in time to hear my cell ringing.

Hastily walking over to my desk, I checked the caller ID on the external screen. It was my mother. My estranged mother. I was honestly shocked to see that she was calling…even if today was that day.

I didn’t answer.

It might sound cruel, but you have to understand the circumstances with my family.

My father was one of the wealthiest and well-trained businessmen in Kyoto, possibly in all of Japan. He did a lot of traveling out of country, especially to places in Western Europe. It was on one of these many business trips that he met my mother. She was the owner of a private company in France that happened to have some dealings with my father’s company and apparently the two hit it off as soon as they met. A couple of months later they were married, and not too long after, I came along.

I don’t really remember us ever being a happy family. Both mom and dad were never at the house, and I was practically raised by the housekeepers that kept our Kyoto manor up and running. I was taught all the traditional arts a prominent Japanese woman would have learned back in the earlier days of Japan, and also a few others such as classical piano and violin.

Oh, the life of the wealthy…I wish I could of traded it for a normal one. One where I could have actually spent time with my parents. I would have done it in a heartbeat.

As for my childhood, I never really felt like I ever had one. I was always off at one lesson or another and practically had no time to just be the kid that I was. However, on the rare occasions that both of my parents were home, we’d all go out for a picnic in the fields that we owned around the house and just relax and enjoy the time we had together. Sometimes we’d even go horseback riding. It’s sad to think how few of times we actually had like that.

Time flew by quickly, and soon I was growing, hormonal teenager. In those last few years leading up to my thirteenth birthday, dad actually spent a lot more time at home. I was so happy to be able to spend time with him, and the two of us were beginning to get rather close…

Then the accident happened.

I don’t really know the details of it all. I just know that he had been on a plane to America when the engines apparently gave out and the small, personal craft crashed into the ocean. The plane caught fire. They never found his body.

After that my mother and I slowly stopped communicating. She kept herself busy with work, and I had school and lessons to attend. When she decided to move back to France, I refused to go with her. Japan was my home, and although I had learned French and could speak it well enough, I wasn’t about to leave my place of birth. Despite this, she left anyway.

I later found out that she remarried two years after dad died. The sad thing is, it was one of the maids back in Kyoto who called me to tell me the news. Mom didn’t even have the gumption to call me herself. I have no intention of ever meeting my stepfather.

It was about six months later that I transferred to Fuuka Academy after being awarded a full scholarship. Staying in Kyoto, in the house where my dad and I had spent those last few years together, was just too hard on me. I had to get away, and with no one there to oppose me and no reason to stay, I did just that.

And now here I stood in one of the Fuuka Academy dorms. All alone. On the day of my father’s death.

By now it was already past three o’clock. After slipping into my bathrobe, I wasted another hour surfing the Internet, and then spent an additional thirty minutes drying and straightening my hair.

Almost 5:00…just one more hour before…

I honestly don’t know what possessed me to give Natuski that note telling her to meet me at the garden. I had almost asked her that day we ate lunch together, but I had stopped myself then. Later that night I struggled with the idea, and in the end wrote that note at three in the morning. I had then proceeded to slip it to her on the way to class the next morning and had really not given it any more thought…at least not until now.

I wonder if she’ll come…Who am I kidding, this is Natsuki we’re talking about. She doesn’t socialize with anyone. The only reason she’s actually been talking to me a little is because we keep running into each other and I practically force it out of her. She probably hates me for tormenting her…but still…

I went over to my closet and sifted through the clothing packed into the small space. I tried on several different outfits, some casual, some dressy, before settling on one slightly in between. I chose a knee length maroon skirt along with a white camisole that had a floral design stitched along the top, and a matching sweater, which I left unbuttoned. After changing, I picked out a pair of dark brown boots that came up to the middle of my calves to slip into. I also took out the sleek platinum gold Rolex my father gave me for my 12th birthday and slipped it onto my wrist.

This is the only day I ever wear that watch. People at school would question me why I didn’t wear it more often, but I never told them the truth, simply making up some excuse about not wanting it to get messed up, or something similar to it.

I peered down at the ticking hands.

Twenty minutes…

Grabbing my purse, I tossed my cell phone inside and fished out my keys. Deciding that I’d probably lose my mind if I stayed here any longer, I went ahead and left the dorm, being sure to lock the door behind me before I headed for the Academy just down the road.

After arriving in the gardens, I spent some time just gazing at the flowers. They looked so beautiful in the light of the setting sun.

When it was about five till six, I made my way to the fountain area. Once there, I immediately walked over to the spot where I originally met Natsuki. Reaching out, I gently touched one of the countless purple flowers on the bush and smiled.

You were so angry that day…I wonder if you’re like that all the time…

My reminiscing was cut short when I heard footsteps coming from behind. I could feel my heart begin to pound as I turned around to see the raven-haired girl standing before me.

This is just the reverse of the first time…how ironic.

“Natsuki…”

You’re a minute early…I’m surprised.

She shyly looked away from me, “Well, I’m here. What do you want?”

I chuckled softly at the brashness of her words, “Do you mind if we talk for a bit?”

“Sure,” she responded.

I watched as she sat down on the fountain’s edge. Following suit, I took my place at her side, setting my bag down at my feet.

We were close enough that our shoulders were touching, and I noticed that Natsuki stiffened at the initial contact, but she eventually relaxed again. We sat in silence for a while, she staring down at the ground, me straight ahead. Finally, I found the courage to start what I originally brought us both here for.

“On this day…three years ago…my father passed away.”

Silence.

“Oh…Were you close?”

The question sounded a little forced.

“We weren’t at first, but towards the end, yes.”

“Hmm.”

More silence.

“So…what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you, like, be with your family or something?”

“The only family I have is my mother…and we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms for a couple of years.”

“Oh.”

Silence again.

“Where…is he buried?”

“His grave is back home in Kyoto.”

“And you didn’t want to be there?”

“I haven’t been back home since I left,” I replied with a disheartened sigh.

Silence filled the air yet again. I unintentionally leaned into Natsuki even more, but this time she didn’t react to it at all.

“Can I ask you something?”

Her voice startled me.

“Yes?”

“Why did you ask me of all people to come here?”

That question must have been nagging at her for the past couple of days considering the way she said it, and I couldn’t control the sad smile that appeared on my face as a result. It took me a minute to fully analyze the question and conjure up an honest response. I at least owed her that much. Unfortunately, it came out as one giant rambling.

“I know so many people and yet…I don’t have even one person who I truly consider a friend. I’ve never even told anyone about this before. About my father…my family…Everyone just sees me as this perfect little class rep. with no troubles or worries…”

I paused momentarily to try to collect the thoughts rapidly spewing out of my head.

“It’s always fallen on a weekday where I could just keep my mind busy with school, but when I saw that it was on a Saturday this year I…I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with it…I didn’t want to be alone, but I…didn’t know who I could turn to…”

There was another stretch of silence between us for a moment before the girl beside me spoke.

“I…I’m not good at this kind of stuff…” Natsuki stated as I felt her body shift.

Right when I thought she was going to get up and leave, she settled again…and then she said the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

“But…I’ll stay here as long as you need me to.”

I tried to keep my composure, but I had been hiding behind this mask of false contentment for so long that I was too exhausted to try anymore. My whole body began to tremble as the tears formed in my eyes. Before I knew it, I was crying. Actually, crying doesn’t constitute for what I was doing to be perfectly honest. I was sobbing. Uncontrollably. It had been such a long time since I had allowed myself to cry…I didn’t even let myself do so at father’s funeral, but I had never in my life broken down in front of a fellow student.

Natsuki never looked at me, rather, she simply kept her eyes focused on her hands. She fiddled with them, but she was doing it so hard that it began to leave red marks on her fingers. I guess that was just her way of giving me my privacy as I wept. She was here for me, and that was all that I needed. I don’t think she’s much of a touchy-feely type of person, but I wasn’t looking for someone to comfort and hold me like most people would have done. I just wanted someone to be there…I wanted someone to listen to me…to understand.

After several minutes, I finally regained control of my body and my emotions, and pulled out my handkerchief to wipe off my face.

“Ara, sorry about that,” I softly apologized.

The girl simply shook her head, “Mmh.”

I flashed a small smile at her response. I could tell she was uncomfortable with the whole thing, but even so, she was still willing to sit here with me until I was through. I silently thanked her for that.

I cleared my throat as I stood, “I guess we don’t have to stay here any longer…It’s starting to get chilly anyways.”

She rose as well, and somewhere in the process, our eyes met.

Those sparkling emerald orbs looking at me so gently seemed to ask if I really was done. They were willing to stay longer, they said, if need be. I did my best to reassuringly tell them that I would be fine.

Will I really?

The moment was over in a blink of an eye, and tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear, Natsuki replied with a simple, “Alright.”

The two of us made our way out of the garden; the only sound being the chirping of the crickets and our feet against the stone walkway. I walked with my hands clasped behind my back, purse in hand, Natsuki with hers shoved in her jean pockets as we made simple conversation about school or events in the news.

I’ve never really just talked with you so easily like this…it’s…normal, not the awkward way we usually are around each other. This is…nice.

It wasn’t long before we were standing outside of my dormitory, the large modern-styled building looming over us.

I turned my head up to look at the thing, “Hmm.”

“Which one of the dorms were you placed in?” she casually inquired.

“I’m not in any of the school’s buildings.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope.”

“Then where do you live?”

“In one of the apartment complexes in the city,” I replied with a nod of my head in the direction of my current residence.

“Oh. I thought all the students had to live in the dorms…How did you manage that?”

“Special circumstances.”

Her face became puzzled, curious more like it, “Special circumstances?”

“Yeah,” I plainly remarked, obviously not wanting to go into further detail.

Luckily she got the point, “Oh.”

I could plainly hear the disappointment in her voice, but that was really not a path I wanted to go down at this point in time. I didn’t want to burden her with my own family problems, and I did’t want her feeling sorry for me either. Besides, this night had already been distressing enough as it was.

I saw her slender figure shiver as the wind picked up, and Shizuru instinctively wrapped her arms around herself.

Stretching slightly, I shifted my body to a half turned position, “Well, I’ll be off so you don’t have to freeze to death.”

“Hmm? Oh…no,” she mumbled with a shake of her head, allowing her arms to fall to her sides once again, although the goose bumps on her skin were plainly visible, “Do you…want to come up?”

Emerald met crimson momentarily before I averted my gaze slightly, “Nah, I don’t want to be in the way. Plus I have some homework I need to finish.”

Homework? On a Saturday night? Ha, that was a lame excuse.

She looked at the ground, not saying a word.

“Well, see you arou—!“

I had begun to take my first step back towards home when I felt a cold hand tightly wrap around my wrist. It anchored me in place. It kind of hurt, too.

“Shizu—“

“Please.”

That’s all she said. I turned to look at her, but her head was tilted down, thick bangs covering her eyes.

I sighed as I roll my own, “Fine.”

How come I always give in to her?

Looking at her distraught expression, however, another thought passed my mind. Howcould I leave her at a time like this? She was broken, shattered…She needed someone there with her to help pick up the pieces, and right now, I was the only one who could do that.

To actually be needed by someone else…it was a strange and foreign feeling to say the least. I had always relied on my parents in the past, and now that they were gone, I only had myself to rely on. But no one had ever needed me. What could I do? I really didn’t think that I could be of any help to anyone, but I had gone through the loss of a parent as well, had I not? Looking at Shizuru in the current state she was in, so depressed and unlike herself, I knew I couldn’t just run away like I always did. I couldn’t just abandon her…I wouldn’t do what my father had done to me.

She slowly removed her hand from my arm and began walking towards the building. Once inside, I followed her up the stairs a few paces behind, inspecting the brilliant red marks left behind on my pale skin by her fingers. I rubbed the place and turned my attention to the door we were now standing in front of.

Room 208.

I instantly committed the number to memory.

Shizuru fiddled with her keys for a moment before unlocking the door, and once inside, we both slipped out of our shoes.

“Make yourself at home.”

Slightly distracted by the still heartbreaking tone that she’s trying so hard to cover up, I followed her orders and trudged on inside. Her place was clean and tidy, just as expected.

She’d have a heart attack if she saw my living arrangements...

“Just sit wherever you’d like,” the Kyoto accent broke through my thoughts, my eyes following her as she took off her sweater and threw it onto one of the beds, “Would you like some tea or something else to drink?”

“Uh, sure, tea’s fine,” I replied, watching as she crossed in front of me towards the small kitchen area, and in the meantime, I took in my current surroundings.

There were two twin-sized beds opposite of the door. To the left of them was a desk area with two chairs, one sitting at each of the separate sections. One side of the desk had been set up with a laptop and printer while the other was being used for a mock entertainment center. An expensive looking flat screen television sat on the main desk while a DVD/ VCR player rested beside it. Across from the desks were a small floor table and a couch with its back against the wall. Next to the desks was a door leading to, what I assume to be, the bathroom, and running along the entire left wall of the dorm was the kitchen where the owner was currently busy preparing a hot beverage for the two of us.

I walked over to the couch, but rather than sitting on it, I sat in front of it. Leaning back, I rested my head on it’s soft cushioning.

The two of us remained silent for a time before I finally spoke, “This place is kind of small…I’d hate to have to share it with someone else.”

“Agreed,” the quiet voice chirped back at me.

“You don’t have a roommate?” I questioned as Shizuru continued preparing the tea.

“Nope. I pay extra so I can have the room to myself.”

“Oh,” I stated as she turned and walked towards me with two steaming mugs in her hands, “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad then.”

Shizuru placed one of the mugs on the table before she circled around it and sat on the couch.

“You’re funny.”

“Huh?” I murmured before taking a sip of my tea.

Still too hot.

“Why did you sit on the floor when the couch was right here?”

“Oh…I dunno.”

She chuckled at me, and I couldn’t stop a smile from tugging at the corners of my lips despite the familiar pink finding its way to my cheeks.

“Can you hand me the remote?” she questioned as she placed her mug down on the table.

I grabbed the item, which was right in front of me, and passed it to her over my shoulder. Soon the screen before us came to life.

Flipping through some of the channels, I heard Shizuru let out a sigh, “Anything you want to watch?”

I shook my head, “Not particularly. I don’t watch much television.”

“Me either,” she responded as she continued to click through channel after channel, “What about a movie?”

“I don’t care,” I honestly replied, “What do you have?”

“Mmm,” she grumbled as she got off the couch, walked over to the desks, and crouched down while sliding one of the drawers open. Too lazy to actually get up, I crawled over to her to look into the drawer myself.

Chick flick, romantic comedy, chick flick, chick flick, depressing drama…aha!

I was lucky to find an action movie and immediately pointed it out to her, “What about this one?”

She looked at me suspiciously, and I could tell she was on to me when a sly little smile appeared on her face.

“Natsuki wants to watch…this one?” she inquired as she purposely pulled out what appeared to be the girliest of the girly movies. Immediately, I faked like I was choking and dropped to the ground.

“A-ra!” Shizuru exclaimed in an overly dramatic tone, obviously playing along, “Natsuki is not breathing…I guess I shall have to resuscitate her with mouth to mouth…”

My eyes snapped open, but before I could do anything, the girl had moved on top of me, her hands planted on either side of me, and her face hovering right above my own.

“N-no! Stop!” I cried out, my face immediately turning red as I tried to turn away from her.

Wha-What is she doing?!

“Mou…Natsuki is so mean…” Shizuru teased me with a pout, daring to lean in closer. I swallowed hard as I stared into her crimson eyes that are now mere inches away.

My pulse quickened.

Suddenly the chestnut haired girl burst into a fit of laughter, falling across my body as she was unable to hold herself up because of it. She rolled over so that her head was resting on my stomach as she covered her mouth in an attempt to make herself cease her childish giggling. I sat there blinking for a moment, unsure of what exactly had just taken place.

“H-hey! That wasn’t funny!” I tried to defiantly protest in an attempt to maintain some of my dignity, but I soon found myself laughing as well, “Feeling better?”

She lifted herself off of me as she nodded, “Mmh, thanks to you. And as a reward…”

Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched as she returned the chick flick to its proper place in the drawer and pulled out the movie I had suggested earlier, “We can watch your real choice.”

After putting the movie into the player and turning out the lights, we took our seats from earlier: Shizuru reclining on the sofa and me leaning my back against it. We skipped all the previews and went straight to playing the actual movie, which turned out to be one of those action thrillers where the main character ends up having to save the girl he loves from his archenemy. So cliché, but it wasn’t all that bad.

Throughout the beginning of the movie, we made comments every now and then about what was going on. At one point I could feel Shizuru playing with my hair, but I just ignored it for the time being and let her be.

Eventually the credits began to roll, and I stretched out from my position on the floor, “I totally saw that coming, didn’t you?”

When there was no response, I turned to look over my shoulder and noticed that Shizuru had dozed off, her chest slowly rising and falling in quiet, rhythmic breaths. I couldn’t hold back a smile seeing her like this, and carefully got up to turn off the TV and go find a blanket. I took one from the closet and carefully laid it over her, freezing as she shifted a little from the contact, but thankfully she remained asleep.

I made my way over to one of the desk chairs opposite the couch and straddled it. Crossing my arms over it’s back, I rested my chin atop them and simply watched her resting there.

I don’t know how long I was sitting in that silent room with her sleeping form, but I think it was then and there that I decided that maybe having one friend might not be that bad.

Looking over at the clock, I let out a quiet sigh.

It’s almost 12:00. I guess I’d better head home.

After some snooping around at Shizuru’s desk, I managed to find a pad of paper and a pencil.

Sorry, had to bolt. Got some stuff to take care of early tomorrow morning.

449-0263 Call if you need anything.

After I had scribbled out the little note in my messy handwriting and accompanied it with a quick little chibi sketch of a snoring Shizuru, I propped it up against one of the mugs on the table and headed for the door. I pulled on my shoes, and after taking one last glance over at the girl on the couch, I quietly slipped out the door.

As far as the dorm layout goes, I pretty much just based it off of Mai’s from the series, but since it is Shizuru’s there are more expensive/fancy electronics. Stupid rich kids…j/k.