A Mai HiME Fiction: Loose Threads (part 12 of 13)

a Mai HiME fanfiction by Arca Jeth

Back to Part 11
Time has a habit of running at different speeds. Depending on the 
situation a moment of pain can seem like days while a year of 
happiness can seem like mere minutes.

Yuuki Nao had experienced the capriciousness of time quite recently. 
She'd spent the first three class periods of this damp school day 
sitting under the bleachers of the Lacrosse field with one Minagi 
Mikoto. 

The feral girl was silent most of that time only wanting to be held. 
Nao obliged her while partaking of her pain. Since they had begun 
their affair this was the closest she'd felt to Mikoto. 

Somehow this tragedy had cured the redhead of her reluctance. She 
could feel her veils slipping and it frightened her. But she also 
felt relieved. Having feelings for someone wasn't so bad in small 
doses. After all, Nao had resolved to save her. The gift she had 
planned would be her first and last to Mikoto. It was the only gift 
she could give.

"I can't go back to Mai," Mikoto had told her then. "I only hurt her 
now."

"That's because your feelings for her are too great for her to 
carry," Nao had replied. "That's why love fails most of the time. 
We humans are much too frail to carry the burden of true love. It's 
better not to try to love. You both would have been much happier if 
you'd learned it."

Mikoto turned to her, fresh tears following the tracks of their 
predecessors. "I know, she can't give my feelings back but, I still 
love Mai. I want Mai to smile again!"

"Even after all she's done, you still..." Nao sighed resignedly. "All 
right, there is something you can do for her and for yourself as 
well."

Nao told her. Afterwards she loaned her a clean uniform and sent her 
to class. However, Nao went to the nurse's office complaining that 
her anemia was acting up. As she lay on the bed doubt encroached. Was 
she truly doing the right thing? To take Mikoto away from Mai seemed 
drastic. 

But as she lay and thought Mikoto's face appeared before her. So much 
pain and so young. Someone cheerful and energetic like Mikoto 
shouldn't have to bear it. Nao hadn't known much love in her life but 
to have it just within reach without being able to grasp it was just 
too cruel.

"I hope you're not going to lay there all day," Youko-sensei said. 
She was busy recording and disposing of old prescriptions from the 
medicine locker. 

"I can feel my energy slowly returning sensei," Nao said rather 
dramatically.

"This isn't a hotel, you know," Youko said irritably. She was going 
to comment further when a female student ran into the clinic. 

"Youko-sensei!" she said breathlessly. "Orikasa-sempai fell off the 
balance beam and twisted her leg! It might even be broken!"

"All right, I'm on my way," the nurse said as she gathered some 
things in her medical bag. "Yuuki-kun we'll need that bed so go back 
to class." 

Then she and the student hurried towards the gymnasium. 

Nao sat up, alone with her thoughts once more. "It seems the choice 
is made for me. Dear God, give me the strength for what must come 
next."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokiha Mai also prayed for strength. However she prayed for the 
strength not to follow the retreating figure of her roommate. It was 
all she could do not to rip off her apron and chase after the girl. 
Always chasing. Ever since they met Mai had been chasing Mikoto for 
some reason or other. Whether it was chasing her around campus or just
around their shared room at bath time, she willingly joined the chase. 

Now she was letting her go.

Mai sat in class, trying her best to pay attention to the lesson. 
However, if asked, she couldn't say what that lesson was or even 
what subject it was in. 

Mikoto.

The very thought of that name pierced her heart. *Did I do the right 
thing, letting Nao have her?* 

The images from that horrid video came before her again. Nao's hands 
on Mikoto. Touching, tasting her skin. Kissing lips only Mai had 
kissed before. If it was right, why did her heart ache so just 
thinking about them? 

"Tokiha-kun!" 

The sound of her name jolted Mai from her reverie. She found the 
entire class staring at her. "Eh...?"

"If you could trouble yourself to pay attention," the teacher said 
sternly. "I said we need to take these health survey's to the nurse's 
office. Congratulations. You've just volunteered."

Blushing to the sporadic giggles from her classmates, Mai came 
forward and received the stack of papers. She studiously avoided the 
gaze of Chie and Aoi, her friends and Tate, her boyfriend. Somehow 
this push to straighten out her life had left Tokiha Mai very much 
alone.

The halls were eerily empty this time of day. It was after lunch and 
most students were in the afternoon doldrums, where warding off sleep 
was the most pressing matter. Alone with her thoughts, the doubts 
floated back to the surface. 

Again and again, she saw Mikoto turn and flee from her tears flooding 
her lovely golden eyes. Again and again she imagined herself tearing 
after her, grabbing her into a fierce embrace. She saw herself take 
Mikoto's face in her hands and kiss away her tears, kiss those cherry 
lips until her breath was stolen away...

"Gah!" Mai recoiled from that unbidden image. How did it turn into 
that again? 

"Cutting class?" 

The voice startled Mai into the here and now. Sharp, green eyes 
looked up at her. 

"Nao," Mai couldn't keep the cacophony of emotion out of her voice 
at seeing the redhead. Nao, however didn't seem to notice.

"A good girl like you should be more careful to pay more attention 
to what's right in front of you," she said.

"I have to take these to Youko-sensei's office," Mai replied edging 
past the younger girl.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" Nao asked as she passed.

"Ask you what?"

"What it was like, touching Mikoto's soft skin," Nao drawled. "But 
you already know about that. Though you can't be satisfied with just 
having her warm body against you when you sleep. Or sneaking little 
touches in the bath."

Mai, who had been stalled in her escape whirled on her and stalked 
back to the younger girl. 

"I'm sure you want to know how she tastes," Nao mocked.

Papers fluttered and suddenly Mai's hand hurt. A large, red welt 
appeared across Nao's cheek. Yet, she was smiling still.

"Why?" Mai demanded raggedly. "Why did you tell me those things? 
When all the time you were..."

"You came to me seeking absolution for your sins. Sins of hurting 
those you cared about, but that was a smokescreen," Nao said. "What 
you really wanted was an easy way out. Little Miss Perfect with the 
perfect life and the perfect personality and the perfect boyfriend. 
Everyone loves Tokiha Mai. Especially Her. You're all she ever talks 
about. Even when we we're together-" Nao broke off and collected 
herself.

"The reason I took her was because Mikoto is too good for a coward 
like you. She'd tear herself apart for you and all you can think of 
is protecting yourself. I don't hate you Tokiha Mai because I could 
never hate something she loves. But I do pity you. You'll never know 
what you had in Mikoto."

Before Mai could fathom an answer Nao left her, the papers scattered 
at her feet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The moon had begun to wane that night. Although it was no longer a 
perfect disk it shed more than enough light upon the bed. 

This dorm room, sparsely decorated as it was had become comfortable 
to Mikoto. She lay there in only her underthings awaiting Nao's 
return. After tonight Nao would take her on a journey. She would take 
her away from Mai. Though Mikoto's heart ached at the thought of 
being separated from her beloved, it hurt all the worse knowing she 
had caused her pain. 

She knew that her parting would cause Mai some more pain. But surely 
she'd feel better when she, Mikoto, was gone from her life. Mai would 
smile again.

Mikoto's only regret was that she'd never get to see it.

The door opened and Nao came through. After closing and locking the 
door she sat next to Mikoto on the bed and took a moment to gaze into 
her eyes. 

"I left a note with instructions for Miyu," Nao said finally. "She 
said she wanted to pick me up tomorrow morning for Mass but...we'll 
probably be gone by then."

Mikoto nodded. "We're doing the right thing, right?"

Nao threw her arms about the feral girl and tenderly kissed her lips.

"I made a promise to God that I would save you," she said. "And I 
made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let her hurt you again. 
These feelings you call love would kill you slowly. I don't want to 
watch you wither away like that. leaving now is thee only choice."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokiha Mai cooked dinner for two. Udon noodles. Grilled fish she'd 
picked up fresh from the farmer's market. Steamed rice. Enough food 
for two. Well, one normal person and another with the appetite of a 
small futbol team. 

Mai set everything out on the low table and pared to eat. But 
something was missing. One of the set of special chopsticks Takumi 
had given her was gone. They had been a birthday gift s Mai only 
used them at home. 

"Ne, Mikoto, have you seen my...?" She wasn't there, of course. How 
could she expect Mikoto to come back after all that had happened? 
She'd even made her dinner. 

_She'd tear herself apart for you and all you can think of is 
protecting yourself._

_A normal girl doesn't have those kinds of feelings for her 
roommate._

Mai winced as she remembered those words. *Is that how I really am?*

_...Mikoto is too good for a coward like you._

_If your feelings for Tate-kun are real then why couldn't you just 
let Mikoto go?_

_I wouldn't LET myself think she was self-conscious because she had 
feelings for me. Because she wanted me._

Mai fell to her knees, ignoring the pain, or rather reveling in it. 
She deserved to hurt. She'd known all along. She'd been protecting 
herself and took her eyes off the most important thing. Mikoto. There 
simply wasn't going to be a life without her. There was no Mai 
without Mikoto. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

She lay in Nao's arms contemplating nothing. The decision had been 
made. Mikoto was leaving Mai's life. Her breathing sounded loud in 
her ears. Actually, everything sounded loud, yet distant. As if it 
were a fuzzy TV broadcast. 

Her head rested against Nao's breast and she could hear the steady 
heartbeat. Nao's heart. She recalled doing this with Mai many times. 
The older girl always acted annoyed but she never stopped her. She 
just wanted to be closer to that beautiful heart. To feel the steady 
rhythm of her life force. 

"Is your mouth dry?" Nao asked from a tunnel. "Do you want some more 
water?"

"No," Mikoto replied. She doubted she'd want to move anyway, she felt 
so tired.

"Mikoto...do you hate me?" 

"A little. You're taking me away from her. But I also like you a 
little."

"Why?"

"For the same reason. When I'm gone, she'll smile again."

"That's all it takes for you, isn't it?" Nao asked.

"That's all I want," Mikoto replied. She wanted to look at Nao's 
face but she felt so tired...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokiha Mai stalked the hallways of the Fuuka Gakuen Girl's Dormitory. 
Her footsteps took her down the familiar path. Turn here. Down the 
stairs. Left here. Open the door, it's never locked.

But this door WAS locked. Determined, Mai pounded on the door calling 
Mikoto's name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mikoto heard her heartbeat even louder than before. The normal thumps 
became resounding booms, which shook her very core. 

*So this is what it's like. It's not so bad after all.*

She imagined she heard Mai's voice calling her name.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Why didn't they answer? Mai had battered the door until her hands 
blistered and bled. A crowd of curious students gad gathered, yet 
none were brave enough to approach their classmate. 

In desperation, Mai spied an emergency fire extinguisher on the wall. 
Without a second thought she tore it from its mountings and advanced 
on the door again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's something I wanted to tell you," Nao said, her voice was so 
far away. "I wanted to save you from that thing called love. I thought
it would destroy you."

She paused for a long moment, gathering her remaining strength.

"Maybe I was doing it for those reasons at first. But getting to know 
you...now...Mikoto....I truly..."

"Don't," Mikoto stopped her. "Don't let that be.......the last thing
...you say to me."


"That's all right then," Nao sighed. "Just so...you know."

"I've always known.........................Mai......."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mai readied the fire extinguisher for a strike when someone grabbed 
her arm. She spun to find the bespectacled face of the student 
council president, Kikukawa Yukino. 

"Mai-chan, please stop this!"

"I can't," Mai said shaking her off. "Don't you see? She's already a 
part of me!"

She raised the improvised ram and struck the door. Wood splintered, 
metal shrieked. 

The door slammed open and Mai rushed in to find...angels.

Two angels lay in each other's arms. Their faces serene in that 
celestial slumber. Angels they would appear if they had not been in a 
dark dorm room. Angels they would be if the nightstand next to the 
bed had not held two water glasses and an empty pill bottle.

Mai's cry tore open the heavens.

Onwards to Part 13


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