Dear Takumi, So much has happened since I last wrote you. And I'm not referring to that farce of a letter I sent at first (thanks by the way, for making me send you the unedited original). I found out what has been plaguing me for so long. It's love. That such a benign emotion could cause so much pain is too cruel. But sometimes through the worst cruelty the truth comes shining through. I'm sitting in my room now, days away from the wedding. My bridal gown is ready along with some pink taffeta monstrosities for my bridesmaids (forgive me Natsuki!). Now that I see the truth of my life, things have gone easier. The truth is I fell in love Yuuichi. I fell in love with the way he makes me feel and his vow to protect me and everything I love. The truth is I love Mikoto, that odd little girl who bulldozed her way into my heart and my life. I love that she always needed me to take care of her. I love that it was actually the other way around; I needed her to protect my heart from the terrible things in this world. She managed to make my life brighter just through her smile, her voice, her touch. I fell in love with Yuuichi for letting me be myself, but never letting me forget to take care of myself. I fell in love with the way he gazes at me when he thinks I don't notice. I fell in love with the fact that he truly agonizes over being worthy of me. (he's just being silly but I indulge him) Takumi, the truth is I love Mikoto, but I fell in love with Yuuichi. I've been tearing my hair out these past weeks trying to reconcile these two facts. Yet my day of epiphany came on the day of my final fitting for my gown. Natsuki and Shizuru accompanied me to the seamstress last week. It was there, as I tried on the gown I'd waited my whole life wear that I saw them. Outside the display window, I saw Mikoto and my former classmate, Kikukawa Yukino. I'd heard the talk about them. But I wasn't prepared for the reality. Don't look at someone else like that. Don't take a hand that isn't mine. Don't whisper into her ear to make her smile. Don't fall in love with someone else. I was torn between running outside (wedding dress and all), grabbing Mikoto and carrying her far, far away, or collapsing into a puddle of my own despair. It was then that I had an epiphany. I was here, in my wedding dress watching Mikoto with another woman. Yet, I was here because I fell in love with Yuuichi. By selfishly trying to hold onto them both, all I succeeded in doing was hurting them and myself. The person you're in love with and the person you love aren't always the same. Only a blessed few of us can claim to have both. The rest of us make do somehow. We do so by grabbing the love around us and holding fast. That day I let go of Mikoto, allowing her to love someone else. And I held fast to Yuuichi, a love I can attain. It's by no means a perfect world, but it's one where we can find happiness if we know where to look. Make sure you and Akira-kun get back in time for the ceremony. Always your loving sister, Mai
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