In the middle of the night, Kanako stared up at the ceiling of the Maehara household, as if fascinated by the minute cracks on the tiles. She had been like that for a few hours now, wondering about what Shinobu had meant with those words she spoke before. She recalled them, ‘and right now, you have…me’ were Shinobu’s exact words. She strained to find the meaning of those words, struggled to find a reason why anyone would be so nice to her, why anyone would ever offer her a shoulder to cry on. Shinobu was more than a friend now, she was someone that would understand how it was to be so alone, so isolated, so sad. It made her forget about the guilt, the overwhelming fear that Shinobu, Miho and Shinji would one day find out what really happened to Shinji’s father. Suddenly, she felt Shinobu roll in her sleep and her gentle hand landed across Kanako’s body. It made Kanako blush for a moment but she calmed down quickly. “Shinobu-chan…” Kanako muttered to herself. “Why?” It was incomprehensible for her, for anyone to show even the slightest concern for her. So many years have passed; all of them were spent on the brink of darkness, exiled in the grim shadows of loneliness. Solitude was her mantra, isolation her philosophy, her rifle her best and only friend. Now, as she looked at Shinobu sleeping beside her, her hands running through those beautiful blue strands, she wondered if she was still the girl that Shinobu befriended. The past seven years had been the darkest in her whole life, now, within less than a day, there was light in her life once again and that light came in the form of a friend like Shinobu. She sighed and as she opened her eyes again, Shinobu’s face was merely an inch away from hers, so close that Kanako could feel Shinobu’s breathing. It made her tense, excited to a degree, but ultimately, it made her feel calm. Unconsciously, she began to lean forward, her eyes staring at that angelic face. She stopped herself though before her face touched Shinobu’s, it was too much. “Why are you doing this, Shinobu-chan?” Shinobu seemed to stir a little as Kanako finished, almost as if she had heard Kanako speak. In a second though, that fear cleared as Shinobu turned away. Kanako let out a sigh of relief as she thought she realty needed to get some sleep and closed her eyes. Kanako turned her body to the side, facing away from Shinobu. What she didn’t realize was that Shinobu wasn’t asleep, not completely anyway. She was awake and aware enough to know what Kanako was saying and out of a small open slit in her beautiful ice blue eyes, she saw Kanako’s expression as she said those words. That expression didn’t strike her as the face of someone who was wondering about something but rather, it reminded her of someone who was trying to tell someone else something important. What it could be was something beyond Shinobu’s comprehension, since most things about Kanako are beyond Shinobu’s comprehension. “It’s because I care, Kanako-san, because I care.” Morning came a little too soon for Kanako, it was not exactly her favorite time of day. Mornings, with the sun rising to light up the world, made her want to recede into the shadows or into the underground. She immediately turned away from the window, which Shinobu had opened. The young, angelic girl should have known better than to do that. With a slight, snake-like hiss, Kanako moved out of the room and into the hallway. There, she bumped into the energetic young Maehara Shinji, who smiled at her and proceeded to rush down. Those eyes reminded her of the guilt she felt over killing his father, a sensation that had never haunted her so before. Somehow, being so close to those left behind by one of her victims served to be her own personal Hell. Part of her longed, almost needed, to tell Shinobu, Shinji and Miho about what she had done but that exact same part of her feared how they would react. She might well never see Shinobu again. She didn’t want that, she didn’t want to lose what little enjoyment she had in life. “I’ll go mad if I see that boy again…” she muttered to herself. “Sometimes, he drives me mad too.” “Miho-san…” Maehara Miho, the purple haired older sister of the angel in the other room. She still had her over-sized t-shirt on her, one that was plain red, with a small blue orb that had white, super deformed angel wings on it. It was a childish design, in as much as anything can be considered childish in the right situation, but Miho didn’t seem to know, or care. Miho’s smile was fundamentally different from that of Shinobu’s, or anyone else that Kanako knew, even her own. Her smile had the sincerity inherent in a true smile but something about the way the lips curved, the way that small dimple on her cheek seemed to pop out of nowhere the very instant she would start to smile and vanish once the smile was in place. There was a single-minded tenacity, an unyielding persistence that was well hidden behind those well meaning, kind and almost unbearably innocent eyes of hers. This girl, by Kanako’s assessment, is essentially different from Shinobu. “That boy is so energetic, it’s scary.” Miho sighed, keeping that smile. “I remember Su-chan from Hinata Sou.” Kanako answered. “Now that girl was energetic.” “You’re not telling her something, are you?” Miho suddenly asked out of the blue, raising an eyebrow at her. “Are you?” Kanako suddenly felt her heart race and she was taken aback by the blatantly direct question. She could not have been that obvious that she was hiding something from them. It was too soon for her to tell anyone of what she had done all those years ago; she wasn’t ready to face them. Truth be told, she didn’t think she could ever be ready to face them. If she was ever going to let them know, it certainly would not be done face to face. She had never been so nervous when faced with such a direct assault, it startled her. She had never felt so nervous and unprepared before, as she looked at Miho’s frightening purple eyes. There was a void in them that threatened to simply allow her to fall into them and let her remain lost in those purple spiral traps. The way she looked made Kanako’s palms sweat a little, reminding her of her nervousness when she made her first few kills. Then, Miho smiled again, as if to break off the attack. “Well, there must be a reason for you to keep a secret from us. I understand.” Miho said as she walked down the stairs, following after Shinji. “If you ever feel like telling us, we’ll be ready to listen.” “What was that about?” Shinobu asked all of a sudden, startling Kanako. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Kanako cried out. Miho’s direct question and the fact that it seemed to hit right on its target, whether intended or not, was making her more than a touch jumpy. “Sorry. I really should cut down on the caffeine.” “It’s alright.” Both of them laughed out a little, a comfortable, friendly laugh. The two of them walked down without even so much as a look at each one that the other didn’t notice. Whether or not the events of last night had any deeper, emotional meaning or any meaning at all, it didn’t matter for the time being. I was a fleeting moment after all, a moment that may or may not occur again. Kanako didn’t like living by chance, it made her feel like she had no control but the chance that a moment like that may come again was something she accepted. Beautiful creature, those words were what Kanako thought would best describe Shinobu to her eyes. It made her feel both jealous of the unbelievably lovely and elegant girl beside her in those steps but it also made her feel warm and no longer alone in this cruel world. Shinobu showed that she cared for the girl, that Kanako was important to someone other than herself. Kanako would not trade that for anything. “You don’t mind if we just have some sashimi and rice for breakfast, do you?” Shinobu asked. “I woke up late this morning and I didn’t have enough time to cook a proper meal.” “Anything will do, Shinobu-chan. I really have no right to impose, after all.” “That’s good to hear.” Shinobu smiled. It was a bright smile that hid nothing and laid all of Shinobu’s proverbial cards on the table. A smile that was fundamentally different from Miho’s. “So, what do you plan on doing today?” “Well, I obviously have to pick up my things at Hinata Sou.” Kanako answered. It seemed arrogant, maybe even condescending but it had none of those qualities. It was like any other statement, like Shinobu’s smile, it hid nothing. “That’s in the afternoon right, what do you plan to do until then?” “I’ll have to settle the arrangements I made with the construction company regarding the renovation.” Kanako said with her finger at her chin. “Maybe try to re-establish contact with the others, even if they would prefer to never hear from me again.” “That’s not true! Urashima-senpai would love to hear from you!” “Onii-san…” As Kanako sat down on the table, breaking the chopsticks and eyeing the fresh slices of seafood as well as a few prawns on the center of the table, she thought of those days in Hinata Sou. The sincere smile that showed the heart of gold that beat inside Shinobu as she served them their meals in Hinata Sou. Even then, Kanako longed to have a smile like that. To have a smile that showed that you can still be happy even after seeing so much suffering, living through so much agony. She never thought that Shinobu would even consider talking to her, knowing just how different the two are. As Kanako watched Shinji greedily stuffed, for lack of an appropriate term, down his throat. Slowly, Kanako ate her breakfast, her body itching to get back in her own clothes again. Her almost completely black attire was the most comfortable thing she could imagine herself wearing right now; it had been her trademark style for most of her life, after all. “Where do I put the dishes?” Kanako asked, holding a few bowls in her hands as she stood up. “Let me take those. You had better make those calls you said you had to make.” “Okay. Thanks.” Kanako quickly made her way to the phone and dialed in the construction company’s number. The same way it had been earlier, when she first learned she had killed Shinji’s father, the fear of being there, the dreadful feeling of being around those that one of her victims left behind was starting to settle in. Finalizing the arrangements and confirming certain things merely served to distract her from that fear, the looming possibility of losing her sanity. She had to leave that place as soon as she could, with her mind and body intact. Kanako made reservations in a small hotel, near enough the Maehara café and household so that she could at least watch Shinobu but far enough, she felt, to avoid the sense of dread that would come to her now and then when she was around them. It really wasn’t that she feared physical harm from Shinobu, though she would not put it past Miho, but she feared the reaction that she would get. The rejection, the anger, they may not forgive her. She didn’t want to lose Shinobu’s presence in her life; she didn’t want to lose the bond that had only begun to take root. “Yeah, Shirai and I will be there. We’ll get to work at around late afternoon today.” Haitani confirmed over the phone. “Good.” Kanako said before hanging up the phone and turning to Shinobu. “Shinobu-chan, is my suit dry?” “Hai, it is. Why do you ask?” “I think I’ll go out for a while.” Kanako said, showing a perfectly faked smile. Perhaps it was faked so perfectly because she didn’t mean it to be fake. Shinobu brought out the human being in Kanako, the kind; loving and gentle person that Keitaro always knew was there. How Kanako wanted to be honest with Shinobu, one of the few people that she considered deserved her honesty. “I think I’ll go out for a while.”
Back to Angel Light, Angel Dark Index - Back to Love Hina Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction