Miho’s Journal Entry Date: Present “The Force is strong with this one.” Curious, how things are turning out. Aoyama’s feelings are still rather puzzling to me…I can’t quite place what it is about her that makes me feel to uneasy about her and Shinobu-chan being together. Every fiber in my being is telling me that Shinobu-chan would be better off married to a contract killer for the yakuza than a samurai. Still, it is intriguing…it would be interesting to play both games at the same time but that would be rather taxing upon me. Still, the temptation is too much to pass up… “I find your lack of faith…disturbing.” As for Kanako-san, definitely a person I could come to like, even if we had met under different circumstances. A secretive person, from every angle I look at but I suspect she is well worth the trouble to get to know. People like her are often misunderstood, loners, under appreciated and often seek comfort in others who share that same loneliness. In the end, I know I am right and time will prove me right. I simply have to keep playing my cards right. It is still mid-game, a lot can happen. “Make it so.” I really should stop putting in Star Wars or Star Trek or other such science fiction quotes whenever I put in another paragraph. It’s become a bit of a habit though. Shinobu-chan, I need not ask for whom the bells will toll. They will toll for you, in the end, and you will welcome this game’s decision with open arms, that I am sure of. As for myself, I am content to stand back and keep watch, enforcing the rules of this game as I see necessary. But then again, what excitement is there in a game if nobody cheats? “Resistance is futile.” There I am again. Forget about it Miho, you’ll never get that out of your system. Everything is interesting up to this point, in all brutal honesty. The addition of a third player is interesting but I suspect there will be some outside interference, if there hasn’t been any already. It is inevitable that one will win this game in the end but the winner, alas, is still a bit too far for me to see. I simply hope that whoever loses has the character needed to calm down and accept defeat. If not…I fear what may happen. “He can sense things before they happen. That is why he appears to have such quick reflexes.” It will be a while from now but the end of this game will be most exciting. I can sense it in my bones. I hope it comes soon; the suspense is starting wear on me. Besides, the end games are always the most exciting part of any contest. No one watches a boxing match from the onset, they watch in the last few rounds, when the tensions are built up and the risks are just that bit over the edge. This will not be a quick battle with a fast knock out. This will be, to use the vernacular, a slobber knocker. “No one can look into the darkness and ever come back quite the same.” Now where did that come from? Oh, yes. Babylon 5. I really should stop watching all those science fiction shows and movies that I do, I’m starting to think like one of them. I can almost see myself with a black cloak and robes with a double bladed red light saber. Now that I think about it, Kanako-san fits that image quite well. And that of a Jedi fits Aoyama all too well. Jedi and Sith, Narn and Centauri, Romulan and Vulcan, it matters not what analysis I make. It fits just the same. Onegai… End Entry Chapter 11: Shatter “Well, I guess it’s time to call it a day.” Shirai smiled at Shinobu as he scratched the back of his head. “Tell Kanako-san to get well soon for us.” “I will.” Shinobu smiled back as she watched Shirai, Haitani and the rest of the construction crew leave Hinata Sou. “Goodbye.” Once everyone was gone, Shinobu took one last look at the slowly being restored grandeur of Hinata Sou, smiled as the sun began to set behind it and turned around. She proceeded down the steps, towards her car. She felt the urge to visit Kanako again in the hospital, to give a status report, of sorts, to the one who was paying for everything. Shinobu realized that Kanako didn’t like having any red roses around her just now, recalling Kanako’s almost passionate dislike for the color red in the past. Shinobu sighed and decided to simply remove the roses once she was on her way out. She didn’t notice that Motoko was walking towards Hinata Sou while she was driving off to the hospital. She arrived at the hospital quickly, catching Kanako reading yet another book. It was ‘The Prince’, by Machiavelli. It seemed oddly appropriate, somehow. Shinobu smiled as she went into the room, failing to see Kanako’s eyes brighten up as she walked in. “You were reading a different book yesterday, weren’t you?” Shinobu asked as she walked closer, eyes focused on Kanako. “What was it again?” “Sun Tzu, ‘The Art of War’. It’s an interesting book and very useful for people in business and politics. You should read it.” Kanako answered. “I’m not really into such things.” Shinobu smiled sweetly as she took her seat beside Kanako’s hospital bed, her hand on the white covers. “I just remembered how much you dislike red. And here I was, giving you red roses day after day.” “Yes, I hated it.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because…you seemed so earnest about it, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” “Well, I’m taking them out when I go later.” Shinobu answered, not noticing her hand was slowly moving towards Kanako’s. “How are you?” “I’m doing well. I should be out in around four or five days but my leg may take a month to heal completely.” Kanako answered, not noticing her hands were moving towards Shinobu’s as well. “I’ll be able to take over on overseeing the work on Hinata Sou soon as well.” The rhythmic beating of two young hearts, the echoing cry for help, it was all too subtle and yet all too omnipresent. There had always been an attraction, an undeniable lure to see what life was like on each other’s side of the fence that drew them together. Slowly, as the silence around them grew louder and louder, they failed to realize that their hands were touching. It was only a light touch, the very fingertips alone making contact but, as surely as Shinobu and Kanako were slowly drawing closer to one another, their hands were coming together as well. Slowly, almost too slowly, they drew closer, the sound of each other’s breathing, the feeling of each other’s hand, it was all too much. Shinobu changed her position, half sitting, half standing, to make things easier for the injured Kanako. She could feel Kanako’s hands trembling in hers, were they moving too fast or too slow? Then, clumsily, Shinobu knocked over the flower vase. The sound of porcelain shattering on the floor brought them back to their senses, their eyes opened. “So close…” someone from the outside whispered. “Curse those clumsy hands.” “Sorry. I was…pushing.” Kanako said as she turned away, for lack of a better word to use. “Sorry.” Shinobu kept her silence. In truth, she was the one that made the first move. She made the first move in that moment in the park; she made the first move now. She didn’t understand what she was doing, what she was feeling, what she was thinking. She didn’t understand why her hands trembled so much as her hands slowly clasped Kanako’s, how she could almost taste those pale lips. What was she doing? She had never been this aggressive in her entire life; she was always the passive one. Now, she wasn’t eve sure what she was after in this but she had become uncharacteristically aggressive towards Kanako. And Kanako was different too, it was certain that she knew that Shinobu was the one pushing, Kanako was just letting her have her way. Things seemed so planned, so fated. On both counts, they had been cut short by an almost too opportune interruption. Yet, the conditions that bought about those moments, those kisses that almost were, seemed so perfect. They held each other, they could both feel the other one wanted it, Shinobu was certain of that. “Motoko-chan told me about…” Shinobu finally broke the silence which had begun to eat away at her thoughts. It felt like a lonely void that threatened to swallow her. It must have been what Kanako felt like most of the time, Shinobu assumed. “…about the two of you.” “Then you know that she and I were…” “Yes. She told me everything.” “She told you everything, huh? Then she was more honest about it that she was with me.” Kanako bowed her head, putting the book away. “She never told me…why she wanted me gone.” Kanako lowered her head, some of her hair coming over to cover part of her face. She clenched one of her fists, the one that wasn’t injured, and remembered. All she wanted then was an explanation from Motoko, what made the samurai hate her so much after almost a month of that same girl whispering to her every night how much she wanted to be around, how much she loved Kanako. Kanako accepted the fact that she would never know the real reason for Motoko driving her away like that, there probably wasn’t any real reason at all. It felt that way, that Motoko had simply grown tired of her. She felt strange all of a sudden, she couldn’t tell whether she was crying or not. She ceased to feel Shinobu’s hand which had been holding on to hers up to now, it seemed like she lost all feeling in her entire body for several moments. Then, she felt someone lift up her face, her eyes focusing on Shinobu’s loving gaze. “Are you alright, Kanako-san?” “What am I doing? What have I been doing?” Kanako asked slowly, staring into Shinobu’s features. “I don’t know anymore…I don’t know…” “Kanako-san, I don’t understand…” “I don’t expect anyone to understand.” Kanako turned away. “No one ever can.” Kanako stopped; she simply stared on at Shinobu’s beautiful blue eyes. So much beauty, so much kindness, she was an angel on earth, the closest humanity can come to the concept of perfection and Shinobu wasn’t even trying. Shinobu is the way she is naturally, there was no pretentiousness, deception or lies in her sweet demeanor, it was the absolute truth. Kanako clasped Shinobu’s hand again, feeling Shinobu’s other hand slowly take her into a sweet caress. She couldn’t bare it, to stay away from Shinobu for too long. Whatever she was feeling, whatever she was thinking, she just threw it all out the proverbial window. This was not the time for Urashima Kanako to be contemplating her next move, this was not the time for her to be scheming and plotting against someone. That warmth, that sweetness, she would not hold herself responsible for what would come next yet she could not bring herself to take what she wanted. She had never had that problem before but as her mind wandered on into the oblivion of countless possible scenarios running through her mind, she held back and chose to wait. “We can’t…what will Motoko-chan say? What will everyone say?” Shinobu asked. She wasn’t really worried though, she was just too nervous about the truth. “What will we look like to everyone?” “All my life, I’ve been living only for appearances. I have been a sister, a loner, an evil. Appearances and titles are all that have ever mattered to me for so long. I’ve been so many things to so many people but at night, when I look past the mask I am forced to wear, I just see an empty shell.” Kanako said as she touched Shinobu’s face, feeling Shinobu’s hand on hers. “But when I see you, when I’m around you, I feel so alive. It makes me want to say ‘to Hell with appearances!’ and it reminds me that what really matters is not what I let others see but rather, what I see.” “Kanako-san…what are you saying?” “I…honestly don’t know what I’m saying and I really don’t care if I do. I just know I’m telling you everything I’m feeling right now…” Kanako held back the tears that were coming, trying not to show what she deemed to be a weakness. “…everything I’ve been feeling since I saw you again.” “Everything is going as planned.” A voice from the outside commented. “This game is going well.” “Kanako-san…your feelings…my feelings…” Shinobu muttered. “I…I don’t…I can’t’…” What was happening? Was she really hearing Kanako say those words? Were those really words that Kanako was speaking? Or merely words that she wanted to hear from Kanako’s lips? Shinobu didn’t know what was going on, she didn’t understand what Kanako was trying to say, she didn’t understand why she was so eager to believe that Kanako had feelings for her. So many questions ran through her mind and any of them she answered merely revealed even more questions. She could feel her mind start to fall apart, her mental defenses were crumbling. And yet, deep in the back of her mind, she knew this was what she wanted. She wanted Kanako’s warmth, she wanted eh embrace and she wanted those arms to shield her from the cruelty of the world, even if it meant to lose herself in the darkness. She looked into those eyes, those soulful brown eyes that held so much promise and so much magic for her. Was this right? Was this wrong? Shinobu didn’t know, nor did she care. She, like Kanako, was simply lost in the moment. “My feelings…maybe it began years ago, maybe it just started now. I may not understand what this all means but I do know one thing.” Shinobu said with a conviction that was hard as steel. There it lay, the burning confidence, the unconquerable spirit that allowed her to dream after Keitaro for so long, despite the overwhelming presence of a cockroach named Naru. “I can’t deny the fact that…I have feelings for you.” “Shinobu-chan…I don’t want to push you. I don’t want to make you do something you might regret.” “I never regretted loving Urashima-senpai, not even for a moment.” Shinobu answered, her eyes closed. “I’m not my…” Kanako didn’t want to resist further. She longed to simply give in. “…not my brother…” Now, nothing held them back. Pressing their lips upon one another’s, there seemed to be an instantaneous transfer of emotions between them. That simple kiss had communicated more in the moment their lips touched that they could ever have said in words. What questions, what doubts, what worries still lay in their minds, their hearts, their souls was gone in an instant. They knew what was left to them but they dared not name it. Each other’s warmth, each other’s kiss, each other’s emotions, they were, in those moments, one person. Hearing each other’s thoughts, feeling each other’s feelings. It lasted for less than a minute but both knew it wasn’t enough. They took a moment to stop, not to hesitate but to look into each other’s eyes. Slowly, they kissed for a second time, this time the kiss was gentler, kinder, the emotions running deeper. For a moment, for that fleeting moment, only one word would accurately describe what both of them felt. Heaven. “Kanako-san, I came to make…” Motoko’s voice sounded as she entered the room, seeing them in their loving kiss. The sight made her stop in her tracks and fall silent. “…amends.”
Back to Angel Light, Angel Dark Index - Back to Love Hina Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction