Soi splashed some of the cool water on her face as she knelt
down by the lake. It was so beautiful here at night, she thought. As
she looked at her reflection in the clear, sparkly water, glimpses of
her past began to flash through her mind. Being sold to a brothel when
she was 12. Nakago saving her from a rapist and letting her live with
him. Finding out she was a Seiryuu Seishi...to the first time Nakago
had said to her that her she wasn't the one he wanted. She laughed
bitterly at how naive she'd been, not thinking he meant it.
"If I had given up then I could've saved myself all that pain,"
she muttered as a tear slid down her cheek and fell into the water,
rippling her reflection. "Better late than never, I guess." Just then,
she heard something several feet away.
"Huh?" Soi got to her feet and listened more closely. It
sounded like someone crying. 'Probably Amiboshi again. He's been so
emotional ever since Suboshi's death,' she thought...then she heard
singing.
"Stars that twinkle in the dark,
You're surely lost, too.
Are you looking for the far-off tomorrow?
We're a lot alike, aren't we?"
That was NOT Amiboshi. Soi followed the sound of the voice, and
found Yui leaning against a rock, just barely staring ahead at the
night sky and singing softly to herself.
"Even though believing
in someone hurts,
I wish for your love
I wish for your love
Why? Blue stars, please tell me...
I wish for your love...
How can I free myself
from the unending pain?"
The mournful song trailed off into sobs as Yui buried her head
in her arms.
"...Great job, Soi. Does this look like someone who was trying
to steal 'your man' away from you?" she berated herself. "I'm gonna set
this right once and for all," she muttered, and walked over to her
miko.
~
Amiboshi had left an hour ago. Now Yui was by herself, no one
to come between herself and her pain. No shoulder to cry on. Just the
never-ending reality that she was alone.
"Sure, Amiboshi's a good listener, but...I wouldn't feel right
about coming to him, not when he's suffering even worse than me," she
sobbed, barely aware of someone approaching her.
"Ano...Yui?"
Yui blinked, then groaned as she recognized the voice. 'Great,
Soi must not have screamed at me enough earlier,' she thought.
"Leave me alone," she mumbled.
"Yui, please...we need to talk," Soi said. "I won't hit you
again, I promise. I just want to talk to you...please?"
"Why? So you can lay into me some more? We've established for
the last time that you hate me, so why drag it out?" Yui sniffled.
"Just leave me alone." Soi crossed her arms over her chest and dug her
toes into the ground.
"No. Not until you at least hear me out," she said firmly.
"You wouldn't even listen to me AND you slapped me, but you
expect me to hear you out? Yeah, that's fair," Yui muttered. Soi
winced.
'Fuck! She's got you there, Soi. It figures she wouldn't keep
up the quiet doormat act for long,' she thought. "Look, I'm sorry I
lashed out at you without giving you a chance. It was wrong and stupid.
And you were right about Nakago, I should've listened. I should've
acknowledged it a long time ago. I'm sorry, Yui," she said. Yui looked
up, eyes red and puffy and cheeks glistening with tears.
"You're only saying that because I'm sitting here crying and
looking pathetic," she said tearfully. "You hate me, and you have every
reason to."
"I don't hate you," Soi insisted, but after all the abuse, Yui
couldn't bring herself to believe that.
"Don't lie. I've been lied to and hurt enough to last me a
lifetime. I don't need anymore," she cried.
"Yui..."
"Just go away. I'm sorry I kissed you, I'm sorry for being in
love with you, I'm sorry for being here. I'll go kill myself and I'll
be out of your way, and everyone else's." Yui slowly picked herself up
and began to walk away. Soi couldn't take any more of this. Without a
word, she grabbed Yui just as she was about to walk past her, then
kissed her full on the lips.
Yui froze. This wasn't happening. Hours ago this woman had
hated her very existence and now she was kissing her?! Quickly, she
pulled away.
"You're very cruel!" she sobbed.
"Cruel?"
"Don't play with my emotions like this!" Yui turned on her heel
and fled the river in tears.
"...Yui!" Soi called after her, but it was no use. "Gomen
nasai," she choked as a tear forced itself down her cheek.
~
She hated her. For the longest time, Soi had wanted nothing to
do with this girl except to snap at her to stay away from 'her' Nakago.
And all Yui had done was love her from afar.
Now that she knew there was no chance for her and Nakago as
lovers, all that had changed. Soi was seeing the light after living
under the proverbial rock for so long. As much as it hurt losing
Nakago, she knew it was better this way. She'd been given a second
chance, almost.
At least she would have if Yui would just talk to her.
~
"She hates you. So why the hell did she kiss you?"
Yui looked at her reflection in the mirror, as if expecting it
to know the answer. 'I'm so naive,' she thought. 'No wonder I'm Seiryuu
no Miko.'
She was yanked out of her thoughts by a knock at the door.
"Yui, please let me in."
Should she? Even if this was the woman who had laid into her
earlier, Soi had seemed so much softer moments ago at the
lake...'Espcially her lips,' Yui thought, then shook her head.
'Lovesick as always.'
"Why do you hate me?" she asked quietly.
"Just let me in," Soi pleaded. Sighing, Yui got up and opened
the door.
"Why do you hate me?" she asked again.
"I don't hate you. Look...I meant what I said at the lake
earlier," Soi said. "We really are a lot alike, aren't we? Unrequited
love, hating someone based on an accusation..." She laughed bitterly as
she sat down at the foot of Yui's bed. "Not seeing the ones who loved
us right under our noses." Yui paled.
"You...know about Suboshi...?" she croaked. Soi nodded.
"The way he acted around you was a dead giveaway," she said.
"Of course, you were actually nice to Suboshi..."
"A lot of good that does me. He's dead now," Yui muttered. "Why
are you softening up to me all of a sudden anyway? You just decided out
of nowhere that I was right and that you didn't hate me. I don't
understand."
"I spoke with Nakago earlier, Yui. He cares about me, but you
were right. He doesn't love me," Soi explained. "I feel so stupid now.
Even after he told me I wasn't the one he wanted..." She sighed,
fighting back an oncoming stream of tears. "It probably is better this
way...but it doesn't hurt any less. All those years, blissfully in
denial, believing he loved me, and for what? Nothing..." Soi hugged
herself tightly as tears ran down her face. "It's just not fair," she
mumbled. Yui's heart crumbled at the sight of Soi's tears. Her
assumptions of hate forgotten, she slowly walked over to the older
woman and put her arms around her.
"I didn't mean to be right," she whispered.
"Like hell you didn't."
"I mean it. Soi...I couldn't stand to see you in pain over him
any longer, that's why I was so harsh earlier. If I'd known you were
going to get your heart broken in the same night I wouldn't have said
anything."
"But you're in love with me. I'd have thought you would be
ecstatic to have Nakago out of the picture," Soi said. Yui winced.
"Okay, I guess I deserved that after the whole thing with Miaka
and Tamahome. But I've learned from my mistakes," she said. "Part of
loving someone is knowing when to let them go. If they don't feel the
same way, you can't make them love you back, especially by trying to
kick the one they want out of the picture." Soi laughed bitterly.
"There must be something in the air. That's pretty much the
same lesson I learned," she muttered.
"I guess tonight is one big Moment of Truth for us," Yui said.
'Among others,' she thought as she remembered Amiboshi's confession by
the lake earlier.
"So...now what?" Soi asked. "I've lost the man I love, my sole
reason for hating your guts...I'm so confused now. I loved Nakago-sama
for so many years, and now...even though he does care for me it
just...won't be the same anymore. Will it ever stop hurting?" She
turned her face to stare into her miko's eyes. "What if I'm never able
to love again?" she asked tearfully. Yui brought her hand to Soi's
cheek and gently stroked.
"Soi..." she whispered. "I know...that I'll never replace
Nakago. He was your first love. But if you could...find it in your
heart to give me another chance, just...let me be here for you..." For
the first time, Soi saw Yui as not just her miko, the 'girl from
another world', or her rival. She saw a caring girl who'd felt the same
pain of unrequited love as she had, made the same mistakes in judging
someone based on a wrong assumption. She saw herself in the girl. And
if Yui could learn from her mistakes, so could she.
"Thank you...Yui-sama," she said, her voice shaking as she
embraced the blonde tightly. "I think I'll survive, as long as you're
here with me." She thought for a moment. "I just want to know...why me?
Why did you fall in love with me, of all people?"
"Why not?"
"Well, I always assumed you were straight, because of Tamahome,
then the thing with Nakago..." Soi sighed. "Besides, after I've been so
nasty to you, I can't comprehend why you would fall in love with me."
Yui looked into Soi's eyes, her own soft and meaningful.
"I forgive you. It doesn't matter how you treated me. We have our
second chance now, Soi," she said. "You're a wonderful woman. You're
strong, you're beautiful, and anyone would be lucky to have you. Nakago
doesn't know what he missed out on when he settled for Tomo." Soi blushed
deeply as a small smile crossed over her face.
"You really think so?" she asked. "You're not just trying to make
me feel better, are you?"
"I mean it. I never imagined I'd ever feel this way about a woman,
but with you...I didn't just see it as 'falling in love with a woman', I
just...felt drawn to you after a while. I can't explain it...all I know
is
that when I discovered how you were so in love with Nakago, but he was
indifferent, I...I could relate. I know what it's like to be in love with
someone and watch them love someone else, or just plain ignore you. Maybe
I was just foolish, for a moment I thought...that if I could relate to
you, and we had something in common, maybe..." Yui sighed. "I was
foolish,
you can't just 'save' someone from unrequited love..." She closed her
eyes. "And despite my strong feelings, I wished it didn't have to be this
way for you, that Nakago did love you the way you love him. I...I'm so
sorry it didn't work out for you...and I'm sorry I acted so selfish," she
said quietly. "But you really deserve better." Soi blinked away a few
tears as she remembered when Nakago did seem to really love her. She
wished it had never ended, but at least he still cared for her.
"I know..."
"Really. Nakago doesn't know what he gave up, Soi," Yui said. Soi
couldn't help smiling. Her miko's attempts to make her smile were kind of
pathetic, but they were cute nonetheless, she had to admit.
"You're sure you're not just saying it to make me feel better?"
she asked.
"If I was...did it work?" Yui giggled a little nervously.
"Yeah...it did," Soi said, leaning her cheek against Yui's hair.
Yui sighed softly.
"Well...at least now we're on better terms, even if..." she
mumbled. No matter how much she wished, Soi would never return her love.
As much as it hurt, she knew she had to accept it. "Even if that's all
we'll be...just...on better terms," she said quietly, a fresh flood of
tears welling in her eyes. Soi thought hard for a moment as she looked at
the young woman. It hurt, losing Nakago, and right now she just didn't
know if she could bring herself to love again. Or could she? Just being
here with Yui was easing the pain, even if only a little. So maybe...just
maybe...
"Yui-san...even if I can't see myself loving anyone else right
now, not for a while...I-I think...that..." She swallowed hard, her heart
pounding rapidly in her chest. "In time...I...I could love you," she
said. Even as the words slowly left her mouth, she couldn't believe she
was saying them. Part of her wondered if she was being impulsive, she
was on the rebound, after all. But if it was, she would've fallen into
the arms of anyone, right? No, she needed a kindred spirit, someone
understanding. Yui was that person. "Yeah...I think...with time, I could
get to love you." Yui's eyes sparkled with a glimmer of hope.
"...Soi...y-you mean it...?" she choked. Soi nodded. She didn't
care what the voice in the back of her mind said, about feeling unsure.
It just felt...right, in a way.
"Yeah," she said. Yui just smiled and flung her arms around Soi,
burying her head against her chest.
"Thank you," she whispered the moment she got her voice back. Soi
nestled her cheek against the silky blonde hair once again, then gently
tilted Yui's head up to kiss her lips softly.
"Want me to stay with you tonight?" she offered. "I know it
probably gets lonely in here, and it's going to be cold..."
"I thought you'd never ask," Yui mumbled sweetly. Just then, a
snap of thunder signaled the beginning of a storm. Yui yelped slightly.
Soi smiled as she felt the girl cling to her.
"I figured as much," she said.
"...I'm not afraid!" Yui said.
"Sure you're not."
"I'm NOT!" Yui giggled, but she was trembling and didn't let go of
Soi. "Well...maybe a little..."
"I understand," Soi laughed softly. "Come on, let's get into
bed...I mean, if you don't mind, since...it...is pretty cold." Yui
blushed
slightly.
"Yeah...I-I mean, I don't mind!" she said.
"Well...aren't you going to get up?" Soi asked.
"Yeah...aren't you?"
"As soon as you get off of me."
"Right..." Yui yawned, but made no move to get up.
"You just don't want to get off my lap," Soi teased.
"So what if I don't?" Yui mock-challenged. "It'd be pretty hard to
get up with your arms still wrapped around me anyway."
"...Oh yeah!" Soi giggled. "So...we just stay here all night?"
"Sounds fine to me," Yui yawned, snuggling closer. Soi reached for
a blanket and pulled it around the 2 of them.
"We should get some sleep. It's been a pretty long night," she
said. Yui just nodded, her eyes closing. It felt like a dream...here she
was, in the arms of the one she loved. The warmth and sincerity she had
seen in Soi's eyes was enough to ease the pain of her misunderstanding.
Whatever happened, things would work out.
"Night," she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep. Soi smiled.
'She really is quite pretty,' she thought. Looking down at the
miko nestled against her, the pain of losing Nakago began to fade. Yes,
it'd still hurt for weeks, maybe even months. But at least she knew that
she wasn't alone anymore.
It didn't matter if Kutou lost the war. Not anymore. All that
mattered to Soi was her miko's safety now. Even if she had to sneak
them both out of Kutou in the dead of night...for a moment, that sounded
like a good idea. But...could she really betray her country and fellow
Seishi like that? And as dangerous as it was to stay in Kutou, it would
be even more dangerous to become fugitives. Soi sighed. She couldn't
put Yui in that kind of danger. For now, they would stay here.
It was ironic, really. The girl she'd hated and refused to give a
second thought ended up being the one to open her eyes to the truth. And
now she was swearing to protect her the same way Tamahome protected
Suzaku no Miko.
'How much longer would you have continued down that miserable path
of unrequited love, blind devotion, and tears?' the voice in her head
asked. 'Would you have ever opened your eyes to the truth? Or when he
slapped it into you, what would you have done without Yui there to ease
the pain? Admit it, Soi. You need her just as much as she needs you.
You're the only women among the Seiryuu army, after all.' Soi couldn't
help smiling. The part of her mind she'd been trying to ignore was right.
And she was glad. She looked down at Yui, who had fallen asleep.
"Thank you," she whispered, placing a light kiss to the girl's
temple. Her cheek nestled against her miko's soft blonde hair, Soi closed
her eyes and let sleep overtake her.
~
Amiboshi smiled slightly as he closed the bedroom door to give
them their privacy.
"I still wish I could've said or done more to help you,
Yui-sama... but I'm glad to see things worked out for you and the one
you love," he whispered. "And thank you...for not turning me away
because of my strange love for my brother..." He sighed wistfully. If
only he still had a chance to talk to Suboshi. Tears filled his eyes as
he walked down the hall and into his room. "I miss you, otouto," he
said. He slipped his shirt off and collapsed into bed, drawing the
covers tightly around himself. It had been a long night.
"Aniki...I never left you," Suboshi's spirit whispered as he
looked down at his twin, sighing softly. "I love you. I'm just...sorry I
never told you how much, while I still had the chance." Smiling sadly,
he ran a transparent hand softly through Amiboshi's hair. "Sleep well,"
he whispered before his outline faded away.
Amiboshi smiled, feeling a sense of peace right then. 'Goodnight,
otouto,' he thought as he fell asleep.
~End~
FINALLY! It's DONE! XD This took me...I dunno, a month-*checks*
...2 MONTHS?!!? *falls over* I started writing this 2 months ago!! DAMN!
And it started out as one little scene, too. Now it's...*looks*
...42KB!! @_@ "Running on Empty" has just been knocked into 2nd
place by this. Damn, one little scene turns into over 40KB worth of
angst, romance, and drama!
...But anyway...
I know Yui was probably OOC in this. In the series, she's too
angry and bitter to love anyone and only wants to hurt Miaka. But once I
got this idea in my head about Yui secretly falling for Soi, the more I
thought about it, the more I liked it. @_@
I apologize to any Soi/Nakago, Yui/Suboshi, Yui/Tetsuya, or
Tomo/Suboshi fans I offended. ;P
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