Toy Soldiers Though they were victorious, it didn't feel like it, and the trip home was a silent affair with few words spoken between anyone. Seifer had awakened, but not once did he complain about being bound, nor was he angry with Fujin for striking him. He sat quietly observing the tortured looks on everyones faces. He didn't know the girl who died but he did feel pity for those that did. Edea sat across from him, a look of foreboding on her pale face. She was obviously troubled; the loss of student and what he was planning to do obviously weighed heavily on her mind. He glanced up as Squall walked over and sat down. "Time to talk." The moody leader said in an eerily calm tone. Seifer looked at Edea and nodded knowingly before regarding Squall. "Fair enough." He said mildly. Squalls expression tightened as if he were about to scream, but he did not and all he could think to say was. "Why?" "After everything that happened, I cannot allow Griever to remain free." Seifer said with annoying simplicity. "So, what then? You and Edea came up with a plan to lock Griever away. But how do you plan to do that? Griever isnt going to sit idly by while you try and contain it." Squall queried. "So long as I can resist his control, he is effectively trapped within me." Seifer smirked as if nearly proud of himself. "What made you think you could control it." Squall hissed harshly at Seifers obvious recklessness. "If anything Im stubborn, I knew I could hold him in." Seifer shrugged. "That arrogance is typical of you, youve havent changed." Squall scowled in annoyance, then looked at him skeptically. "What happens when you can't resist any longer." He prodded. "That won't be an issue." Edea said quietly, drawing his attention. "Any why not?" Asked Squall. "Hes pig headed but I have no doubt that hell eventually end up like Luccian." "Because as soon as we return to Balamb I'll go to Esthar. Griever and I will be sealed in stasis." Seifer explained with an eerie casualness. "Stasis?" Squall sat up straight, looking bewildered. "Yes like Adel was." Seifer smirked. Rinoa, whod been sitting nearby and eavesdropping, jumped up from her seat. "You what! Squall you cant let him do it!" "That's not going to happen." Squall said firmly then looked at Edea in shock. "And you, I can't believe you even considered this. What did you tell him?" Seifer rolled his eyes. "Squall, shut up and sit down. You had you day as a hero, it's my turn." He chuckled snidely. "Seifer, this isn't about some stupid rivalry. You'll be good as dead if you go through with this." Squall said gravely. "Nah, I'll be conscious, the whole time." Seifer smirked. "You're insane, that's horrible." Rinoa shouted. "Look at it this way, it'll give me time to think. Sort things out." He chuckled. Squall looked at him with obvious worry. "Seifer, you don't have to do this. Okay yes, you're a bastard especially after what you did to Fujin, but even you don't deserve a fate like that." Seifer grinned widely and shook his head. "I dont know whether to be insulted or flattered." Squall looked absolutely flabbergasted then calmed down and spoke slowly. "I dont think you realize what youre doing. No one blames you for what happened with Ultimecia. You dont have to do this." Seifer sneered as he saw the almost pleading look in Squalls eyes and it nearly made him want to retch. "Don't give me that crap you pompous ass." Seifer snapped irritably. "You all think I'm just some confused fool. Some kind of idiot that was duped by Edea or possessed by Ultimecia." "Seifer." Rinoa said quietly, part of her wishing hed shut up before he got himself into trouble. "Quit trying to protect me Rinoa." Seifer snapped angrily. "Squall, Im going to let you in on a little secret. I knew full well what I was doing back then. I went with Ultimecia willingly. You want to know why? Because I wanted revenge, revenge for you taking everything away from me, for besting me in everything." Squall looked downright stunned and Seifer continued unaffected. "Like you always said, Ive always been a prideful son of a bitch, I had to get you back because I hated you with a passion and nothing was going to stop me from making you pay." Seifers eyes glinted dangerously and he sighed, shaking his head. "So yes, I do deserve this." He said quietly, then exploded. "So quit trying to put me on some fucking pedestal!" Squall stood up and backed away in downright horror and looked to Edea for conformation. With the beginnings of tears in her eyes she nodded silently. "Then, you knew?" Squall whispered harshly to her. "Yes." She said firmly. "And you said nothing, all this time." Squall was beyond shocked now. "What would you have had me do." Edea sighed. "You are all my children, how can you ask me to turn my back on any of you?" "Oh but you're okay with him being sealed away in a living hell for all eternity." Rinoa snapped. Edea grimaced sadly at the accusation. "Enough!" Squall said sternly then looked at Edea accusingly. He didn't want to believe his ears but he had no choice. "Why are you letting this happen!" Rinoa shouted bitterly at Edea. Squall closed his eyes and tried to clear his head of rampant thoughts, to bring some measure of piece to his tormented mind. Finally he opened his eyes and looked at Seifer solemnly. "Because she knows it's the only way to save his life. There are countless people who would see him dead if this got out." He said quietly, the sadness and disappointment evident in his eyes. "Let it go Squall. I have." Seifer said softly, shaking his head. "Yeah." Squall nodded slowly then quietly made his way to the bridge. Rinoa looked heartbroken, with a gasp of helplessness she ran after Squall. Edea watched them leave sadly. "He feels I betrayed him." Edea sighed. "Hes strong, he'll get over it." Seifer sighed. "You all are." Edea said darkly. *********************** After dropping Squall of in Dollet to report their victory, Zell docked the Ragnarok back at Balamb Garden. The recruits walked quietly down landing ramp, some having to be carried while others limped along the best they could. Royce insisted on carrying Aeka to Dr Kadowaki's office where he would remain for the rest of the evening in mourning. Xu informed the recruits that they were to report back to class in a four days. Then she dismissed them without any fanfare. Not that anyone cared; none were in the mood to cheer their victory, hollow as it was. Selphie and Rinoa left quietly, both them were tired and emotionally spent. The events of the evening bringing back unsettling memories of the last Sorceress war. Irvine was keeping a wary eye on Seifer whose hands were tied firmly behind his back. Edea joined them and together they shepherded Seifer to Balamb's brig where hed stay until they left for Esthar. Fujin was next to exit the ship and she waited quietly for Quistis who soon followed and walked past her without a word. Fujin looked hurt and nearly called out to her but couldnt bring herself to. Hanging her head and sighed sadly and was preparing to leave when Zell strolled down the ramp. "You're still here?" He said moodily as he sealed the ship. "AFFIRMATIVE." Fujin said distantly. "Hellish night huh?" "AFFI.." She started the corrected herself. "YES." "You alright? This must be awfully hard on you, I knew you and Aeka were friends." Fujin looked at him and frowned slightly, shed never really thought of it before, and realized shed indeed grown quite fond of the girl. The realization just depressed her more. She stiffened and shrugged awkwardly. "IM BE FINE." "That's bull, but I won't pressure you." He said with a fleeting smile. "I wonder where Nicole is?" He added absently. "UNKNOWN." "She said she'd meet me here. It's late, I bet she fell asleep. I wonder if she knows?" He mumbled under his breath. Fujin sighed and hugged herself as if chilled. "You know she blames herself, Miss Trepe I mean." Zell said gravely and quite unexpectedly. "I KNOW." Fujin frowned. "She gets like that sometimes, I've seen it before. Its like she thinks shes responsible for the whole world. But you're her friend, nothing new to you huh?" He shrugged. "I SUPPOSE." Fujin said quietly. Nicole appeared in the distance and waved at them meekly. "There she is." Zell said with a soft smile as she approached him. "Sorry love, I ran into Quistis in the hall, she seems really down. I um, heard the news." Nicole explained as they embraced tightly. "Yeah, we were talking about that." He said as Nicole regarded Fujin thoughtfully. "You okay?" She asked almost timidly. Fujin nodded but remained quiet. Zell scratched his head and shrugged helplessly. "I guess we'll be heading out then." He said graciously then paused to look at her thoughtfully. "You um, want to come over, talk, get something to eat?" Fujin looked somewhat shocked by the gesture. With a faint smile she quietly declined. "Alright then, were gone." He smiled warmly then patted her on the shoulder. "Look, don't stress yourself out. Everything will work out. If ya need anything just swing by." "Good night." Nicole waved as they turned to leave. They had about made it to the door when Fujin called out to them. "THANK YOU." She called out awkwardly. Zell and Nicole looked at each other and smiled then waved goodbye. Now alone, Fujin stood quietly in the dim light of the hanger. ******************* The face in the mirror was tired and drawn, she felt battered, emotionally and physically. With a soft sigh Quistis removed her glasses and turned on the sinks faucet. After wetting her face she started to get undressed, hoping a shower would make her feel better. Her mind was reeling; she couldnt get Aekas face out of her mind. She died terrified and alone and it was something Quistis knew shed carry with her till the end of time. "Im sorry." She murmured softly, though no one was around to hear. It started with quiet tears. Over the course of the entire heart rending evening shed been able to keep her emotions in check. It was imperative that she remained strong for her students sake. Now though, alone, and free of the chains of responsibility the pain of loss and the burning, unrelenting sense of guilt bore down on her like a relentless giant smashing her to the floor. She collapsed, naked and trembling as wracking sobs tore through her weary form. ************************** Fujin stood outside Quistiss door, her forehead resting against it as she tried to gather the courage to knock. Things had been bad between them recently. Fujin was still wounded by Quistis mistaken belief that she loved Seifer. But now, such matters seemed trivial and unimportant. Now, more than anything Fujin wanted to be with her, to share their pain. She knocked a feeble and timid sound. Taking a restless breath, she stood straight and knocked again, this time louder. There was no answer and a grim thought tickled the back of Fujins mind. Something frightening and chilling. With a frown, she knocked again. "Yes." Quistis answered from behind the door. Her voice sounded hollow and cold. "ITS ME" Fujin called softly, feeling a sense of relief. "What?" Quistis asked, still not opening the door. "TALK?" "Im tired, besides, arent you mad at me?" "NOT FAIR." "If we learned anything tonight its that life isnt fair." Fujin choked in shock, she was unprepared for Quistis to be so cold to her. "TALK." Fujin said again, the pain evident in her strained voice. "Theres nothing to talk about." "QUISTIS." Fujin called out sadly. "Just leave." "PLEASE." "Go away" Fujin moved her lips as if to speak but nothing came out. With tears running down her cheek she turned and fled up the hall. Back inside her apartment, Quistis slid down the door completely lost to despair and anguish. Her mind screaming at her to call Fujin back. But she knew Fujin deserved better than she could give her. "Its better this way, youd only hurt her further." An unwelcome thought claimed. "But I love her." She tried to reason. "Really, is that why you tried to pass her off to Seifer?" "I thought she loved him still." "Liar." "I only want what makes her happy." "Who are you trying to convince?" "It was a mistake. She hates me now." "She should, you ruined everything." "I know, Im a failure." "Thats a understatement. But now someone else has paid for it. Youve hurt the only person who ever loved you. Not only that but, now, youve finally gotten someone killed." "Im sorry." "Its to late for that." "What was I supposed to do, I tried my best." "It wasnt good enough. Some instructor, people will hate you for years to come. Everyone wouldve been happier if youd thrown yourself off the roof like you planned." "But Fujin?" "But what? You actually think you helped her. Shes more miserable now than before. You give her a glimpse of love then ruin everything. Hows she supposed to cope now that youve dragged her heart into the open, only to abandon her." "She deserves better." "Yes everyone deserves better, you only screwed everything up." "Cid is probably going to pull your license. Youll be lucky if they only kick you out of Balamb and not put you on trial for gross negligence. "Im a failure." "Yes and its a shame Aeka had to die before youd admit it." Quistis curled into a ball on the floor, her sobs now silent and her body trembling. It wasnt long until sleep took her, but even in her dreams she was tormented. Visions of Aeka haunted her. She saw the young recruit buried alive, her body torn and broken. Her once joyful face twisted into an ugly mask of outrage and suffering as she clawed feebly at unforgiving darkness that was her tomb. All the while cursing Quistiss name for abandoning her, abandoning as she did Fujin. Quistis turned away to flee only to pause in horror. Now Fujin stood before her, naked and frozen in wall of ice, her pale blue lips moving ever so slowly. "Fujin!" Quistis screamed, her fists hammering at the ice weakly. Fujins features were emotionless and uncaring as she moved to speak. "I hate you." She said quietly then shattered into pieces at Quistiss feet. Quistis screamed in anguish as darkness enveloped her. *********************** As Selphie took her place in the lunch line and she noticed a silence in the air that was downright unsettling. Everyone was talking in hushed whispers or not at all. The whole training exercise had turned into a nightmare and she knew the fallout from it would be catastrophic. "Hey girl." Nicole said quietly, taking a place in line behind her. "Hey." Selphie smiled. "This is some mess huh?" Nicole whispered, looking about. "I hate when it gets like this, its depressing." She added with a frown. "Since when is life, not, depressing around here." Selphie mumbled with a sigh before moving up with the line. "Yeah, I know what you mean. What do you think Cid will do?" Nicole asked curiously. "What can he do? Aekas funeral is to be the day after tomorrow. He feels its best to get past this as soon as possible." "I mean about Squall and Quistis." Nicole said in a grave tone. "What about them. Squalls in charge of all this. Selphie shrugged. "I heard Royce really tore Quistis a new one, rumors are running about that its Quistiss fault that Aeka was killed." Nicole said sadly. "Because youre my friend Im not going to knock you on your ass." Selphie said icily. "No, no, no." Nicole jabbered. "I think their full of it too. The problem is Quistis is likely to believe it. You know how she can be sometimes, me and Zell were talking about it last night." "Look, it was a horrible accident, thats all. I just hope they dont start blaming each other. All that does is cause more grief, trust me, I know." Selphie said knowingly. "Youre right, I just hope this doesnt get too ugly. Quistis looked really, really rough last night, I think she needs take a break." Nicole frowned. "Your wrong, if they try to make her take time off shell get it in her head that theyre trying to get rid of her and make things worse." Selphie corrected her. "I guess, your right. Wheres Irvine?" Nicole wondered, looking about for the tall cowboy. "Hes sleeping in, he was at the disciplinary hall early this morning securing Seifer." Selphie said regretfully, she missed him. "Zells out like a light too. Hes taking this pretty well, I honestly expected him to be a wreck." Nice said shamefully. "Give him some credit, he only panics when he thinks he did something wrong and then it usually is." Selphie said with slight smirk. Nicole grinned and nodded. "By the way, since when is Zell and Fujin such good friends?" Selphie asked, making a curious face. "He about had a fit when he found out she was alive. It was pretty funny." "Ive no idea, I guess they just hit it off. After the mission she seemed kinda down so we tried to invite her over. Of course she turned us down." "I kinda feel bad about the way I treated her. Even more so after all thats happened and what Seifer did to her. Its him who should be dead, not that poor girl." Selphie frowned. "Come on now, you just said dont be blaming others." Nicole scolded. "I know, your right. Hes still a jerk, I dont care what him and Edea have planned. Ill just be glad when we can get back to normal." Selphie grumbled. Nicole couldnt agree more. "I know, you need to relax, stress isnt good for the baby." She nodded. "Since when are you a pediatrician." "Hey now, Im head librarian, you think I dont read?" "Touché" Selphie smirked. "Ladies." Xu nodded, walking past them on the way to the trashcan with her tray. Selphie leaned out and grabbed her by the arm. "Oh Wait!" She called out eagerly. "Hurry, Ive got to meet Cid before he goes back to Dollet. Squalls already waiting for him." Xu said nodding towards a clock on the wall. "Have you seen Quistis?" Nicole asked and Selphie nodded in agreement. "Nope, shes probably sleeping in, shes taking this pretty hard. Try her apartment." "I did before I came to lunch, no one answered." "Try Fujin then, she may know where she is." Xu said hurriedly. "I got to go, sorry." She blurted then rushed off. "I dont know where ghoul lives!?" Selphie shouted after her but to no avail. "Stop that." Nicole frowned swatting at her. "What!?" Selphie balked. "That ghoul nonsense." "Aw poot, I dont mean anything by it, its habit." Selphie frowned in embarrassment. "Well find Rinoa, perhaps she knows where she is. We all need to get together and do something, try to lift our spirits." Nicole smiled quaintly. "Its a little early for that dont you think, weve a funeral to get ready for." Selphie said skeptically. "Its never to early to heal." Nicole said sagely. "What are you, a coffee house poet?" Selphie smirked dryly at her as Nicole simply smiled. ********** Unable to sleep, everything seemed dull, and unreal. In less than a week the idyllic world Fujin had allowed herself to believe in had turned into her worse nightmare. She no longer had the emotional barriers to keep the chaos in her heart at bay. Quistis had done to good a job opening her up and now she paid the price. She hated the weakness she felt as she lay on her bed, face buried in her pillow and crying like some overemotional schoolgirl. She cursed herself for allowing herself to become so involved, she knew shed only get hurt. But in her loneliness she let herself hope for one last time. To make matters harder, Aekas death only compounded her sorrow and she felt as though shed go mad. "STOP!" She hissed angrily through the tears, hoping the sound of her own voice would give her strength. The effort was feeble at best and it only angered her further. She wanted to know why, why Quistis turned on her so. She couldnt understand and that made it even worse. Sure theyd had an argument but she had assumed things would work out. Never did she dream it could go so wrong so fast and so completely. Her mind raced to try and find answers. Quistis had seemed genuinely glad to see her when they where reunited after the explosion but now, now she was harsh and cold. Forcing herself to sit up she felt like running, running away from everything, the pain, the loss, to leave it all behind. "NO." She growled, throwing the pillow across her room. Sniffing bitterly she wiped her face and looked about with a scowl. She wouldnt let it end like this. Nearly in a panic she paced about, trying to think of any reason for Quistis to treat her so. "IDIOT!" She blurted and she stopped her pacing. "Shes trying to protect me." She realized with a start and immediately grew angry as the implications sank in. She was even angrier with herself for not realizing what was happening sooner. It was like Zell had said; Quistis was trying to blame herself and now she was pushing everyone away to keep from hurting them. Fujin made up her mind; she was not about to let Quistis sabotage herself again like she had tried so many times before. Stripping down, she hurried to take a shower, a plan already forming in her mind. *********************** Dr. Kadowaki walked into the morgue with a heavy heart. Aeka was laid the operating table draped with a white sheet. Royce was in a seat by her side, sound asleep. The doctor sighed and looked over her papers, the girl was to be cremated. Gently she touched Royces shoulder to wake him. His eyes fluttered and he looked up slowly, his expression void. "Its time?" He asked quietly. "Yes." The doctor whispered. "When are the services?" "In two days." "Whats to happen to her?" He mumbled softly. "She wanted to be cremated and cast to the ocean." Dr. Kadowaki explained in a gentle tone. "Okay." Royce nodded slowly and stood. "Ill be going now." He said then looked up with a frown. Quistis stood in the doorway; she looked disheveled and unkempt. Ignoring his gaze she moved forward towards the table. Dr. Kadowaki intercepted her carefully. "Dont do this to yourself Quisty." She whispered. "I need to see her." Quistis said dully. "To apologize." Royce groaned and looked at his feet. "Miss Trepe." He said heavily but she didnt hear him. All she could hear was Aeka pleading for her to save her, not to abandon her. "Im sorry." She choked weakly. "Miss Trepe, I." Royce said hoarsely, having to fight back tears. "I didnt mean to blame you, its not your fault. If anything its my fault, I caused the explosion..." He paused and took a deep shuttering breath. "Its my fault I killed her, not you." He said weakly. "NONSENSE." Fujin said firmly, from where shed been waiting in an adjoining room. She knew Quistis would come eventually and there was something she needed to get off her chest about how everyone acting. "Fujin?" Royce said in confusion as she walked towards them. Quistis looked up and slumped visibly, she had not wanted to see her now. Dr. Kadowaki was about to protest but Fujin cut her a chilling look. "SICK AND TIRED." Fujin started and took a breath. "WISH YOU KICKED HER OUT?" She continued seemingly upset. "THINK SHE WEAK THEN" Quistis was taken aback. "I..." She said quietly, humbled. "SHOULD BE PROUD." Fujin snapped. "NOT BLAME SELF." She coughed harshly but continued. "TAUGHT HER WELL." "But she died." Quistis said weakly, Fujin sighed and shook her head sadly. "PEOPLE DIE." She said with a gentle bluntness. "SHE NOT WANT THIS." She frowned, gesturing to Aeka. "SPREADING BLAME." "WANTED TO BE STRONG LIKE YOU." She put her hands on Quistis shoulders and looked her in the eye. "BE STRONG FOR HER. MOURN YES, BUT BE STRONG. She finished then collapsed into a fit of harsh coughing. Royce listened intently, a heavy sense of shame hanging over him. With a sigh he took a step forward. "Shes right." He said quietly. "You belittle why she died if you blame yourself. She only wanted to make you proud. I think she earned it. Let her go knowing that." Quistis trembled and moved forward, gently she knelt by Aeka and sighed sadly. "Youre both right." She murmured. "She has." Fujin regained herself and rubbed her throat. Smiling fondly she looked down at where Aeka lay. "MISS YOU." She whispered, gently touching the girls shoulder. Turning she looked at Quistis and Royce. Having said her peace she moved past them and out into the waiting room. A few minutes past before Quistis and Royce followed her. Royce looked up Quistis humbly. "Im sorry for what I said. Its just that I.." He tried to say but Quistis silenced him by pulled him into a warm hug. "Its okay. Well all get through this." She said in a quiet motherly tone. She held him for a long while before letting him go. "Now then." She sniffed. "Go clean up and get something to eat." She added with a tender smile before ushering him on. Fujin watched the exchange quietly and waited for Royce to leave before stepping forward. "NEED TALK." She said firmly Quistis sighed heavily and walked past her and out of the office. Fujin frowned and hurried after her. "KNOW WHAT DOING." She said with a cough as she caught up with her in the hall. "Please Fujin its for the best, I appreciate what you said in there, and youre right, but." "NEGATIVE." Fujin said angrily, grabbing her by the arm to stop her. Quistis paused and looked at her guiltily. "Id only hurt you." She said in a quiet tortured tone. Fujin let her go and shook her head. "ALREADY HAVE." She sighed. "PLEASE, NOT AGAIN." "Its not going to work hon, Im damaged goods, Ive ruined everything. My students, my career, and most of all, Ive ruined us." "NO YOU HAVENT" "Why are you doing this, itll only hurt you more." Quistis whimpered. "You need to ask?" Fujin whispered in shock. Quistis was mortified with herself. Shaking her head with tears in her eyes she took a step back. Fujin looked down and bit her lip as she composed herself. Finally she looked up, her features trembling softly as she tried to keep herself in check. "Do you love me?" She asked, her voice small and barely audible. Quistis looked torn and confused as she choked to hold back further tears. "Yes." She finally murmured, her shoulders slumping as she gave in to her sorrow and self-loathing. Fujin moved forward to embrace her as Quistis collapsed against her chest crying softly. With a shuttering sigh Fujin looked and squeezed her comfortably. "I dont know what to do anymore." Quistis whispered between sobs. "Im scared." Fujin nuzzled her hair and murmured soothingly to her. "What am I to do?" Quistis asked softly. "REST." Fujin smiled and led her away. ******************* The day past slowly and everyone seemed to move about in dreamlike state. It was well past midnight when Balamb Garden arrived in Esthar. "Love." Edea said softly. Cid turned in his seat to face her and smiled sadly. "I know, is it time?" He asked, his expression full of worry. "Yes. Weve arrived at Esthar and I fear it wont be long." Edea said tiling her head thoughtfully at him. "You know theyll fight this?" Cid said slowly, his heart growing heavy. Edea moved forward and caressed his cheek. "I know, but it must be done." Edea whispered dreamily and kissed him tenderly. Cid welcomed the gesture and smiled regretfully. "Come then, before I change my mind." He sighed. "My brave husband." She smiled and took his hand. Together, they walked out onto the bridge. Squall and the other senior members waited quietly along with Fujin and Rinoa. Cid looked to Quistis and frowned sympathetically. "You dont have to come." He said gently. "Yes I do." Quistis said firmly. "We all do." Rinoa added. "Very well, lets get this over with." Cid sighed. *********************** Seifer sat in his cell motionless. His cold eyes staring into the darkness, his only companion being the ceiling fan that hummed dully overhead. "I am ready." He said quietly, his hands, resting on his knees were white as chalk and a fine sheen of sweat was beading on his brow. "No one came to see me." He thought solemnly. "I am not afraid." He said aloud. "I wonder if she will mourn me." "I knew it would come to this someday." "Will any of them?" "This is for the best." "Im sorry." He could hear Griever clawing madly at his sub-consciousness and closed his eyes to concentrate. The door to his cell opened and he looked up. "Lets do it." He said with a smirk as Squall entered the room. "Its not to late." Squall said shaking his head. "I appreciate what youre trying to do." Seifer smirked and clapped him on the shoulder. "But it was too late for me years ago. Let me do something right for once." He said, moving past him. Squall stuck out his arm and stopped him. "Seifer." He said quietly and offered his hand. "Good luck." Seifer looked at the hand questioningly; then, with a grin shook it.
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