If I Can't Be Yours (part 1 of 16)

a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by RocketBabe

Ritsuko sighed as she switched off her laptop. Once again she was the 
last of the day-shift staff to leave Nerv central and she knew that she 
would probably be the first one in tomorrow morning, but that didn't 
really bother her. After all, she loved her work, didn't she? She 
slipped off her lab coat with a sigh, picked up her jacket and began to 
make her way out of HQ.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The corridors leading out of the building were by now usually more or 
less deserted. Ritsuko was therefore somewhat taken aback by the sound 
of sobbing coming from the ladies' bathroom near the exit. She was even 
more surprised to find, upon opening the door, one of her senior 
technicians curled up in a corner, knees drawn to her chest with her 
head in her hands.

"Maya?"

The younger woman did not look up. Ritsuko paused for a moment, unsure 
of what to do. As much as she liked Maya and wanted to put a stop to 
whatever had happened to cause her upset, dealing with human emotion was 
not exactly a strong point of hers, nor was it something she was 
particularly comfortable with. She decided to act on her first impulse 
to comfort Maya, abandoning any professional boundaries, she knelt down 
next to her and placed an arm-somewhat awkwardly-around her shoulders. 
The older woman felt her stomach wrench as her compassionate side 
observed the pain expressed by her assistant. Without warning Maya 
wrapped her arms tightly around Ritsuko's waist and wept into her 
shoulder. The words muffled by her jacket, she just about managed to 
pick out the phrase

"Sempai.I'm sorry" repeated several times by the brunette.

"Maya, shh, it's okay, it's okay, are you going to tell me what's 
wrong?" Maya pulled away slightly and her appearance pained Ritsuko even 
more than her plaintive sobs had. The usually pretty, smiling younger 
woman looked completely drained, her face pale and her eyes red, with 
grey circles that hinted at several nights of insomnia. This was not the 
content, motivated console operator who worked so well during the day, 
it was almost difficult to believe that this was the same Maya Ibuki 
with whom Ritsuko was familiar.

"I'm sorry sempai, I shouldn't.I shouldn't behave like-this-I mean.I 
guess I knew she was.but I thought.I mean, hoped that we could.we could 
work through it like last time but now, now, she's left, with a 
man.she's.she's." A fresh wave of tears began their descent along Maya's 
cheeks. Ritsuko's heart went out completely to her. The breakdown of a 
relationship was almost always devastating and from what little she had 
learned of Maya she and her partner had been living together happily 
since before Maya had joined Nerv. She hadn't known however that Maya's 
partner was another woman, not that it mattered, the fact barely 
registered as out of the ordinary. Not that it should, to Ritsuko of all 
people, but for now that was irrelevant, Maya deserved all of her 
attention at the moment. She had clearly lost something of great 
importance to her and the removal of love went hand in hand with such 
dreadful pain. The bathroom of Nerv HQ certainly wasn't the best place 
for the exchange of the comforting words and reassurance Maya was so 
desperately in need of right now.

"Maya, do you want to go for a walk? We can get coffee or something, if 
you need somebody to talk to now, I'm willing to listen if you want me 
to." Maya looked shocked for a moment, then nodded gratefully with a 
weak smile. They stood up simultaneously and, feeling more than a little 
protective of the other woman, Ritsuko took Maya's hand firmly but 
gently and led her out of the building.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maya was shivering in the night air, so Ritsuko placed her jacket over 
her protégée's shoulders, a move received surprisingly enthusiastically, 
Ritsuko noted. The doctor observed the "closed" sign on the final café 
of the street they were on and glanced at her watch. "I can't believe 
everywhere is closed, it's barely 10pm, I'm sorry Maya." She sighed "The 
least I can do now is walk you home." Ritsuko's proposition made the 
petite girl begin to weep softly again. Ritsuko was a little alarmed by 
this, not sure which of her words had triggered Maya's reaction. "Oh 
God, Maya, I'm sorry, what did I do? I didn't mean to-" Maya shook her 
head and managed to reply,

"I don't have a home to go to at the moment, I've been staying in a 
hotel for the past four nights, on the other side of the city." Maya 
coughed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "After I found out 
about her.I couldn't stay there, not under her roof, not knowing that 
she had betrayed me like that, and it was her apartment anyway, so I 
left. It's happened before, but she usually asks me to come back after 
one night. Then yesterday I called her." Maya's voice was nearing 
hysterical through her convulsive sobbing. "She said she doesn't want me 
back this time, that she's so sick of the amount of overtime I have to 
do, and that I never see her, and she's had enough of me, and that I was 
fun but she needs someone else, a man, and I was no use anymore." The 
younger girl crumpled into Ritsuko, who walked her slightly away from 
the roadside. She didn't want to draw any more of the unwelcome 
attention they had been attracting from the usual night time crowd of 
drunkards, juvenile criminals and prostitutes. Many a time she had 
wished that her area of Tokyo-3 was a nicer place to live and tonight 
was no exception. Maya had suffered enough for one day without being 
sniggered at by the dregs of society.

"Maya." Her hysterical crying had calmed to silent tears and erratic 
breathing, but her despairing state was no less distressing for Ritsuko 
to see. She spoke to her softly. "Maya, I have a spare room in my 
apartment. It's yours if you want it for a night or two, just until you 
get back on your feet. I only live another three blocks from here and 
you're very welcome to stay tonight if it would make you feel even a 
tiny bit better." Maya looked up at her superior, a tiny glimmer of joy 
glinting in her deep, tear-filled eyes.

"sempai.thankyou.thankyou so, so much."

Ritsuko smiled benignly, once again embracing Maya gently.

Onwards to Part 2


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