The first indication I got that I was not floating was when I looked up. I could see an angel holding me. “An angel is taking me to heaven…how sweet.” But then I realized that I was no longer floating upwards. Now I was moving west. “Dear Angel, why have we stopped our ascent?” As the angel laughed a familiar laugh, my heart soared “Sakura-chan! You’re my angel! I’m so glad I can see you again! But where are we going?” Sakura-chan just laughed again. “You’ll see.” Eventually we started to go closer to the ground, and Sakura took me to my house. “Sakura-chan, is this what the afterlife is like? You have to haunt your home, like a ghost?” Sakura did not answer my question, but I was so glad to see her. As we landed, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight. Her angel wings wrapped around my back and pulled me close. “Tomoyo, promise me something. Never do that again. OK?” I broke the hug. “Never hug you again, Sakura-chan?” Sakura shook her head. “No, never try to kill yourself again.” I gasped. “I’m not dead? But how…” “I used the fly card to catch you.” How silly I felt then. Not being able to guess something so easily. “But how did you come back to life?” Sakura laughed again. “I didn’t. I faked my death to fool the alternate dimension card. I knew he would not leave us in peace unless he thought I was dead…please promise me you won’t try to kill yourself again…no matter what happens to me…” I felt tears run down my face. “I promise, Sakura-chan. I promise, I promise…” I held the cardcaptor in my arms as I cried and repeated the phrase over and over. “Shhhh…don’t cry, Tomoyo-chan, don’t cry. I’m here for you now…” I slowly stopped crying and walked into the house with her. “Mom, mom, look! Sakura-chan is here! She’s alive!” Mom ran into the foyer and gasped. “Miss Kinomoto, how did you…you’re alive!” After calling everyone and hearing all of the excitement, Sakura took me into my room. “Tomoyo-chan, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. You tried to kill yourself because you needed me, much more than I could have imagined. From now on, I want to spend more time with you. You’re a wonderful friend, Tomoyo-chan. And…” I cut her off as I hugged her close. “You don’t have to sacrifice anything for me, Sakura-chan.” Sakura hugged me back. “But Tomoyo-chan, it isn’t a sacrifice. Nothing would make me happier than to spend more time with my best friend.” I felt sadness for the fist time in hours. Friend. That’s all I’ll ever be to her. A friend. “I want to spend the entire day with you tomorrow, Tomoyo-chan. Just us. Would you like that?” Part of my sadness drifted away. Even though I could never have Sakura as my love, I could have the honey haired all to myself tomorrow. “Kiss me, Sakura-chan.” I hadn’t meant for it to slip out. “What was that Tomoyo-chan?” “Nothing.” As I lied to my Sakura-chan, I closed my eyes and escaped. I was no longer there. I was older, sitting down, planning a wedding. My wedding. My wedding to Sakura-chan…it was minutes later that I was jolted away from my fantasy “What are you thinking about, Tomoyo-chan?” Why did she have to make it so hard for me? “Just…the future and stuff.” But Sakura did not let up. “You’re crying. The future can’t be that bad.” Tomoyo nodded. “You’re right, Sakura-chan. As long as you’re with me, I can live through anything.” I felt the tears roll down my cheeks again. “Everything except not having your love. Yes, that’s right, I love you. Will you marry me?” Half of my brain was screaming to say it, to get it out in the open. But the other half knew Sakura could never love me back. Should never love me back. What had I done to deserve the love of such a wonderful person. And if we did get together, I could not give her children, I could not protect her. But most of all, I could not make her happy. That’s why I though Sayoran was perfect for her. As I thought about Sayoran, the first part of my brain started to gain control again. “She said she wasn’t happy with Sayoran in her diary. She said something was missing. That “something” could be the right gender…” I shook the voice out of my mind. If Sakura found out and she did not like me back, we could not be friends anymore. I could never go on like that. I only lasted a few months without her before. And I would know it was my fault she was gone… But that thought struck me funny. “Wait a minute, it was my fault last time as well. She jumped in front of the magical attack for me…I never told her not to do that in the future.” “Sakura-chan, please don’t jump in front of any more bullets for me. I’m not worth it.” Sakura’s reaction caught me completely off guard. “How could you say that, Tomoyo-chan? I can’t think of anybody in the whole world who is more worth jumping in front of that attack for than you. You have been so loyal to me, so kind and devoted. Whenever something bad ever happened to me, you’ve always been there for me. You’re a wonderful person Tomoyo-chan.” The first half of my brain had a field day on that one. “See? There’s hope there’s hope there’s hope there’s hope…” I knew that there wasn’t any though. She had complimented me like that before. “Tomoyo-chan, I have to go home now. I’ll be counting the minutes until our day begins tomorrow. Goodbye.” Goodbye. Goodbye. “Goodbye, Sakura-chan. I’m so glad you’re alive.” Sakura-chan smiled. “So am I. And I’m glad I caught you too.” One type of pain had replaced another. I had forgotten how hard it was to talk to Sakura. Mom walked in with a sad expression on her face. “I overhead you two talk. She still doesn’t have a clue about your feelings for her. I’m so sorry. Just promise me something. Promise me you won’t make my mistake. You almost did already.” I shook my head. “I can’t tell her. I’ll lose her.” “I was right about killing yourself! Look, what if you killed yourself today? You wouldn’t have seen her! Promise me you won’t make my mistake! If you and Sakura can be in love then my and Nadeshiko’s souls can be at peace…” Mom could never see anything besides her own life. “I am happy when she is happy. That is enough for me.” Was that the truth? It certainly wasn’t now. Was it ever? Had I just convinced myself of it in the first place to make myself feel better? “That’s not true and you know it. Please just promise me that you will tell her before she gets married. Please?” “No.” And with that, Mom left, tears in her eyes. I slowly let my head rest on my pillow as I tried to go to sleep. I would have watched videos of Sakura, but Mom had taken them away two weeks after Sakura “died” due to the fact that I watched them constantly. As I drifted into slumber, my dreams drifted into wedding dress stores. And wedding cake bakeries. And wedding kisses…
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