I stared up at the ceiling of my room, crying. Even thought I knew all the tears in the world could not bring Sakura back to her, I couldn’t stop them from coming. And the worst part was, I knew it was all my fault. Sakura had been fighting a rogue card. It had come from an alternate dimension, intent on destroying Sakura and returning home. When the card cast its final spell, Sakura jumped in front of the line of fire to prevent me from being hit. When the spell hit, she and every reason I ever had to exist instantly vaporized. I had received a great deal of comfort from my mother, but both I and Sonomi knew that my pain could never end. Sakura-chan, the wonderful goddess, the only reason for living, was gone. And it was all my fault. “Don’t cry, Tomoyo. You were a wonderful friend. And a wonderful baker too. If my memory serves me, you make the best cakes. Why not make one now?” I couldn’t tell if Kero was kidding or not, but I didn’t care. “Kero, I wasn’t a good friend at all. From what I read in her secret diary, I hadn’t played matchmaker with her and Sayoran as well as I thought. I wasn’t worth giving her life for.” “You were a wonderful friend, Tomoyo. Sakura’s sacrifice proves that. And for what it’s worth…I think if you would have been braver, you would have been a wonderful girlfriend too.” I was shocked. “What do you mean, Kero?” The little bear just smiled. “You know what I mean. While Sayoran and Touya and Sakura were ogling Yukito and Meiling was in love with Sayoran…it was pretty obvious to a spectator in all of this whom you had a crush on. I think she would have loved you.” I blinked back more tears. “It doesn’t matter. She’s gone. Sakura-chan is gone…” I lost control again, and broke down into tears. Mom burst in to the room at the sound of my loud sobbing. “At it again…I know how she feels…it’s practically a family tradition for us now…” As she hugged me close, she whispered very softly in my ear: “I know you’re planning to kill yourself tonight, Tomoyo. I can’t say anything to stop you. The pain will never go away. You’ll probably never find anyone as wonderful as her. But you’re 11. Try to hold out for a few more years, okay?” I said nothing. I only hugged her harder. After another hour of crying, I fell asleep. It was 3 PM, but daylight has little meaning when the sun is dead in your life. When I awoke, it was 5 PM of the next day, and I felt even worse than before I fell asleep. I spent a month like that. Sleeping for days, crying when I was awake. As my pain got worse, I knew I could never do anything again. Losing Sakura was too much. Then came the funeral. Despite all my best efforts, I fell asleep 6 hours before it started, and woke up 10 hours after it ended. I couldn’t give Sakura happiness in life, nor could I honor her memory in death. What a fitting friend for her to have. After I returned to school, my thoughts remained solely on the oblivion. Would she be there, waiting for me? Would death by painful? Would I be afraid? Eventually those questions disappear with the single conclusion I could come up with. “Whatever happens, I won’t have to feel pain anymore.” This gave birth to a new question. “How long can I wait for death?” The only real motivation I had was the fact that if Sakura was alive, she would not want me to kill myself. Eventually my appearance started to change. I stopped getting my hair cut. I stopped wearing makeup. Life was pointless. That was why I went up to the tower, and wrote my letter. What exactly was in the letter was unimportant, and I don’t remember anyway. Just a bunch of sad words to my mother about how I was sorry I let her down, too. After finishing it, I put it in my backpack, which I put by the door. I slowly walked to the edge of the roof, teetering back and forth. Teasing the arms I was about to jump into, the oblivion arms. I jumped off of the skyscraper. I got closer and closer to the ground, with the words, “The pain is almost over, the pain is almost over” going through my head over and over. I didn’t even feel my body hit the ground. But I felt a soft tug upwards. As cars slowly got tinier, I realized I was floating up. Floating away to the afterlife. I felt a warm feeling inside me. “It’s over…” My mind kept repeating it over and over. “Your sad life is over…” I couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t know it then, but I wasn’t floating up to heaven. And my life had not ended. It had begun.
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