Warm (part 1 of 4)

a Xenosaga fanfiction by cbman

I can't sleep, my thoughts can't help but linger toward the events that
happened today.  The Gnosis that merged with the reactor of Proto 
Merkabah, I won't be forgetting about that thing for quite some time.
Albedo, just what is he up to?  A whole new world, could it have
something to do with Nephilim?  This whole thing is just too confusing.

I look to the bed across from me to find MOMO sleeping.  She looks so
peaceful as she sleeps, it looks like she was able to brush away what
just what happened these last few days.  That's not the truth though,
ever since that incident between her and Albedo MOMO would always cry
herself to sleep.  I remember hearing her sniffles between her
shuffling, the whimpers that came in between, I wanted to console her,
but I could not think of any words of solace.  All I could do was 
watch and nothing more.

I think I'll go for a walk right now, there's just so much on my mind
right now, staying here will only make me shed tears as well.

The entire ship is empty during the evening, even the service machines
have been turned off. Captain Matthews' yelling ceases to exist at 
this time, Tony's reckless piloting has been replaced with the serene
glide of the ship's Auto-Pilot, and Hammer's presence right outside my
cabin is no longer there.  The entire place seems so empty at this 
hour, maybe I should just head back to my room.  Well, maybe not, I'm 
almost at the A.G.W.S. hanger, I should at least say goodnight to her.

The door hums as it pulls to the floor, giving me entrance to her room.
The moment both of my feet are on the other side, it hums once more as
it slams against the roof.  Clack, clack, clack, I could hear each of
my footsteps as I approach her bed.  

"KOS-MOS, what do you think of this whole incident?" I ask her as she 
sleeps.  "Do you ponder over the events that happened these last few 
weeks, or do simply brush them away as if nothing happened?"

Silence is the answer I receive.  Perhaps she cannot hear me.  I open 
the cover to her chamber and I am greeted with clouds of white.  The 
smoke subsides a second later, revealing the image of a blue-haired 
angel.  She looks so innocent as she lays there despite how much blood 
has been stained upon her hands.  All remnants of her headband were 
destroyed when she shielded the ship,the bangs of her hair are no 
longer constrained.  The holster and belt for her blaster were
destroyed as well, I can see the outline of her hips more clearly now.
Her uniform sustains not a smudge or spot and not a scratch or burn 
appears on her skin, it's as white as ever.  So white, so pure, like 
milk.

Suddenly I find my fingers beginning to twitch, my arm extending 
forward.  I can't help it, I have to touch it, I have to feel her skin.
It's warm, so warm and smooth like silk.  My fingers begin to run 
upward, slowly gliding up her arm and then her neck, stopping before 
her cheek.  My hand caresses the figure of her face, stroking through 
small gaps between her hair at the same time.

"KOS-MOS...," her name barely escapes my lips.

I never knew how important you meant to me until you were activated.  
It started with the Gnosis attack on the Woglinde, another incident 
that destroyed my life, but at the same time, I felt as if it completed
it.  That was when you were first activated KOS-MOS, you came to my 
aid when I needed you.  The first time I saw you, something came over 
me, something I had not felt after Kevin's death.  My heart was racing,
my face was burning, I could never recall that feeling until I saw you
there.  I tried to brush the feeling away, telling myself that falling
for another woman was just not morally right, and falling for a 
mechanical one was no better.  I always tried combating that feeling 
during our entire journey, but then when Proto Merkabah began falling,
that's when I gave up fighting.  When you said you were going to stay
behind to detach each of the sub-compartments, I knew then that I 
could no longer continue fighting.  I don't know if you know this, but
I stayed at the ship's entrance the entire time the structure was 
falling, patiently waiting for your return.  When Matthews began to 
launch the Elsa, I was considering jumping off and into the falling 
structure so I could look for you myself.  Alas, I couldn't, the ship's
propulsion had knocked me to the floor and I could not act.  All I
could do then was beg Matthews to turn back but I was glad he didn't.
That was when Nephilim told me to look in my heart, and then I saw you,
running back to me.  Suddenly you came flying into my arms, but only 
our hands could grasp another.

As our fingers began dwindling from one another, I could practically 
feel my heart being pulled away from my chest.  I had so much to tell
you, so much I wanted to do with you.  Kevin and I created you, we 
made you to be the daughter we could never have, but when Kevin died,
that all changed.  I made you to be something more than a daughter, I
wanted you to be a friend.  What I really made however, was a lover.  
Yes KOS-MOS, I've been keeping this to myself for the longest time, but
the truth is that I love you.

"I love you, KOS-MOS.  I love you more than a friend, more than a 
mother, and more than you could ever imagine."

KOS-MOS, do you love me?  Of course you don't, you only see me as your 
creator, as another objective in your memory banks.  Despite what you 
may think of me, I'm just happy to be a part of your life.

With a sigh, I begin to turn away from you, making my way back to my 
quarters.  I stop for a moment, taking one more look at your visage.

"If I were to steal one kiss, would you hold it against me?"

My conscience tells me not to, but the yearnings of my heart plead to 
do so.  Again I find myself before you at the edge of your bed, my 
body leaning forward as my lips press forward.  The impact of our 
mouths fills me with such ecstacy, your lips are so soft and so warm.
The contents within your mouth, they taste ever so sweet, an ambrosia 
I had never once tasted.  I take a moment to have my lips relax against
yours, indulging in the sweet honey of your mouth.  The sweet wine 
begins to dry as I suckle the contents of the gap, I could only wish 
for more.  My mouth begins to pull on the device inside yours, once 
again filling my being with the sweet ambrosia.   I begin to pull away
after what seems like an eternity of bliss, my eyes once again focusing
on yours as I press my fingers against the remaining contents.

I sigh once more and begin to take my leave, only to stop with the 
sound of your voice.

"Shion," you say, "I love you..."

Onwards to Part 2


Back to Warm Index - Back to Xenosaga Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction