Bound (part 3 of 8)
Back to Part 2Author's Note: Well, I'm not sure what to say at the moment, just that
things will get more depressing, especially in this chapter since this
is mostly just angst, but I assure you readers that this story will
have a happy ending. For those waiting for Shion's brother, Jin, to
make an appearance, you're in luck, he makes his debut later in the
next chapter. Unfortunately for the readers at ff.net, some parts of
this chapter involving KOS-MOS and the Archetype were edited, you'll
have to read the uncut version at www.shoujoai.com (man, how many times
have I repeated this, oh well, whatever). Oh, and a warning, this
chapter, along with some later ones, will have some speculations on how
Xenosaga and Xenogears will be linked, and I know some of them (if not
all of them) will not work, just bear with it just for this fic. Well,
without any further interruptions, I give you the third chapter of
"Bound."
Chapter 3: Answers With No Words
My body feels heavy, as if it is sinking. A dark blue shade is cast
upon my eyes, with a hint of ivory white which reaches upward. The
more I sink, the darker the light becomes. My arm begins to fall to my
side as the light is replaced by the blackness that surrounds me and my
head begins to sink back. Waves, I hear what I believe are waves, the
waves of life forms moving within the atmosphere.
'So this is what is to become of me?' I ponder as I settle into my
grave. 'This is a fate I have brought upon myself, a fate that I have
dealt because of my actions.'
Am I proud of the decision I made? In a way, I am, but in another, I
regret it. A world filled with nothing but darkness, it is a world I
do not wish to partake in if I cannot have Shion with me, yet, I am in
this world because of her. I have earned the right to be here through
the actions I have put upon her and the others. This watery grave, is
this what death will be like? Death, can I even die, I am a machine,
all I know is that I will eventually stop functioning. My energy
reserves will eventually deplete themselves, and when that happens, I
can finally escape the world around me, I can escape into the darkness
for the rest of eternity. I close my eyes to find the same color
surrounding me and I continue to sink further.
Why do birds
Suddenly appear
Every time
You are near
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
That song, that's our song that is playing through my ears. I begin to
cast away the darkness before my eyes by opening them, and slowly, but
surely, the light begins to enter my vision once more. I find my body
no longer sinking and my feet now pressing against a metal floor. The
world around me is now filled with monitors, keyboards, and chairs, and
in the center of it all is my lover, humming to the melody of the music.
"Shion," I call her name.
She turns to me and smiles. That smile, she acts as if she has
forgotten the events that had recently occurred. I did a terrible
thing to Shion, and I wish it never occurred, but I do not wish for her
to forget because I do not want her to be suddenly get caught off guard
if the same thing were to happen again. Her feet begin to push in my
direction and I extend my arms to her so that I may give her my
apologies, but much to my dismay, she brushes passed me. I then turn
to where she walked and find her on the other side of the room,
speaking with a man I had never seen before.
"I'm sorry I'm late," the man apologizes.
This man that speaks to Shion, he is a stranger to me, and yet, his
presence feels somewhat familiar. He wears the usual manila colored
uniform of Vector, yet for some reason, his face does not register
anywhere in my data banks. His hair is long, growing down to his neck
in a bulb-like fashion. His navy-blue bangs would cover his face if
they were not brushed to the side, yet one that is not brushed covers
part of his forehead.
"It's all right, Kevin," Shion assures the man.
Why do stars
Fall down from the sky
Every time
You walk by?
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"Having our little anniversary party without me I see," the man looks
to the computer on the other side of the room which plays the song.
"I couldn't help it," my love says as she takes the man's hand unto
hers, "just listening to this song helps me imagine that you're here
with me."
On the day that you were born
The angels got together, and
Decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue
"This is the song we heard on our first dance," the man recognizes the
song as he glides across the room with Shion in his arms.
"Yes it was," she says as she brings her head to his chest, "you were
bold enough to actually teach me how to dance, the other men gave up on
me whenever I tripped."
'What is she talking about?' I ask myself. 'She said "our," what
is...?'
"Shion, what is the meaning of all of this?" I try to ask her as she
dances with the gentleman. "Shion?"
They act as if they cannot hear me for some reason. Instead, they
continue smiling at one another as they continue to move about the
floor. They begin to pass by me, and I reach for her shoulder, only to
have my fingers suddenly go through her skin. I quickly pull away the
moment after, yet the two continue to act as if nothing happens. I
look to my hand afterward, finding not a trace of blood or flesh. The
two continuing circling around the room as they did before, leaving me
baffled as to why neither is in shock or why Shion is not in any pain
of sort.
That is why
All the boys in town
Follow you
All around
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"Shion, I don't understand what is going on here," I try to speak with
her once more. "Shion!"
The area begins to fade again, the light slowly begin absorbed into the
center of the room where Shion and that mysterious man stand. The
light pulls away at my feet within seconds, and yet, I am still
standing as if the floor were still there.
"What is going on here?" I ask myself as the lights grew dimmer.
"Do you remember now?" another voice echoes within the atmosphere.
"Who's there?" I call into the never-ending shadow. "Identify
yourself!"
Clack, clack, clack, the sound of shoes begin to echo from the north
after. I turn my head in the opposite direction of the light, finding
my vision once again blurred by darkness. The sound begins to grow
louder and slowly, a figure surrounded by mist begins to emerge from
the black shroud. The figure wears pin-heeled boots that go past her
knees. Her palms are laced with what appears to be black leather
gloves free of fingers and knuckles, as well as part of the wrist area.
The clothing she wears is little; a metallic-colored corset that covers
only her lower torso and two straps that barely cover her breasts. The
center of her joints contain red rectangles that disappear when she
bends them but return into view when they straighten. Dull blue hair
hangs from the top of her head, falling down to her lower back. Her
lips are straight, her eyes covered by two cubes connected by a small
rectangle which goes over the bridge of her nose, and her face, so
monotone, so blank. The mist begins to clear and the form of my
mysterious visitor is finally visible before me, just an arm's length
in front of me. My body starts to twitch, my eyes widen, and my throat
grows dry. This feeling I'm getting from her, it's similar to the one
I got from the silver-haired boy the first time we met. Fear, is this
fear? Her mouth begins to open and my body begins to pull away.
"Fascinating, aren't you?" she speaks without a shred of emotion in her
voice.
"Who are you?" I repeat myself.
"We once shared this form cast before your eyes, or have you forgotten
that too?" she speaks.
"You still haven't answered my question," I try to regain my cool, "who
are you?"
"Who am I? I am the one who could've been you," she answers.
"I still don't understand," I respond.
Her body begins to slip into the darkness again, her form dispersing
into waves until nothing but black stands before me once more. My eyes
begin to scan the area only to find the never-ending shadow in every
direction I turn. In an instant, my scanners find a presence standing
directly behind me, but before I can turn, I find my back pressed
against another body and my arms bound by another.
"I had a name once," her icy breath whispers into my ear.
Her lips begin to pluck against my ear and another pluck follows as it
travels down my neck. A gasp escapes my lips and my legs begins to
clench as her mouth continues to press downward. I try to push my body
forward only to have it jerk back with the pull of my captor's arm. I
close my eyes to try and shield reality from myself, but the feel of
saliva flowing down the back of my neck manages to slip into the new
darkness. The closing of my eyes tries to tighten more, allowing a
drop of a tear to escape my shut eye.
"Stop it!" my voice orders with a crack.
"My name," she says after one more press of her lips, "was the same as
yours, KOS-MOS..."
"Y...you're the archetype from two years ago?" I barely ask.
"My, my, aren't you a smart one," she tries to flirt in a monotone
expression.
"Wha...what do you mea...uh!" her hand silences me with a brush of my
chest.
"Sensitive," she speaks, "that's how 'he' would've wanted us."
Her fingers begins to curl on breast and they begin to pull. My body
winces once more at the tug and I take in another breath. Again I try
to keep my eyes averted from reality, but it does no good.
"Why...?" I ask with the tears flowing as rapid as ever. "Why do you
do such terrible things?! Why did you make me attack Shion? Why are
you doing this?!"
"To prove a point," her hand finds its way toward my chin suddenly,
turning my face toward hers.
"A point?" I ask trying to regain my composure. "Just what do you have
to prove?!" I begin to yell. "Is it revenge for her destroying you two
years ago? You were the one who attacked first and...!"
"You and I are the same, KOS-MOS...," she changes the subject "Like I
said before, we are weapons, we can never be anything more."
"I don't believe you," I begin to raise my voice once again, "I won't
believe you!"
"But it was you who said those words before you jumped off the Elsa,
was it not?" she asks.
"That was...!"
"You've been poisoned by those humans, KOS-MOS," the Archetype cuts me
off yet again. "I know what you were going to say. 'I was only trying
to protect Shion and the others' or some other desperate words to keep
the her away, is that right?"
"Despite that, I won't believe your words!" I finally manage to pull
away from her grasp. "Shion knows I have a heart and...!"
Her body falls upon mine this time, her arms wrapped around my
shoulders and her cheek brushing against mine. Her hold is as strong
as usual as she pulls herself to her feet and her mouth begins to open
once more.
"What is a heart, KOS-MOS?" she asks. "Is it simply an organ that
pumps blood through an organism's body, or it something more? Tell me,
KOS-MOS, what is it?"
"It's...," I try to ignore the hold she has on my body, "it's..."
"You have no answer, why am I not surprised?"
"I do have an answer!" I yell. "It's one that cannot be answered by
words!"
"So then it is explained in action, correct?" she asks in her monotone
voice. "Like this perhaps?"
Before I could say anything more her mouth engulfs mine. The device
inside her mouth begins to explore every crevice inside my lips and I
try to pull away once more. Her hold on me is strong, I can do nothing
to pull away from her. The gust of a blizzard runs apparent in my
mouth as a device as cold as ice slips through every crevice inside my
lips. For the third time in five minutes, I shut my eyes again, but as
usual, the feel of reality manages to sink into the vision of shadow.
I can do nothing to fight, all I can do is tighten the close of my eyes
and bury my nails further into my palm as I make a fist. After an
eternity of torture, he mouth finally pulls away, only to have her
tongue slip against my lips once more after it touches the free air.
"Is that what you and Shion do?" she asks as she licks the contents on
her lips.
"What we do is something different!" I spit. "There is something
behind our actions when we do such things!"
"You mean 'love?'" she asks. "What is 'love?'"
"...it's..."
"A definition that cannot be given in words?" she disrupts me yet
again. "Is this something I must also explain with action?"
"Get away from me!"
I've had enough of this sick individual's words and taunting. I manage
to push her away with a quick jolt of my arm which sends her to the
ground. With her somewhat dazed on the floor now, I try to take
advantage of the situation and free my blaster from its holster.
Without wasting a single second, I take aim and wrap my finger around
the trigger. The gun and my arm pull back from the shot's recoil an a
black sphere surrounds the target, or rather where the target was
supposed to be. My aim was accurate, yet the Archetype was able to
evade the shot. A loud clank echoes from behind me and I find my
assailant with her arms and legs pressed against the floor. I turn my
weapon to my enemy's new location and try fire once more and again she
evades it, this time by arching her entire body backwards. Her palms
lie against the ground for a mere second before pushing her body back
another step so that her legs press against the floor. I try a third
shot, but she manages to duck with her limbs pressing against the floor
yet again. Her body springs upward before I could follow with a fourth
blast and I lose track of her location for a second. By the time I
hear another clanking sound, I already find my assailant leaping toward
me with her arms forward. My back then crashes against the floor with
the weight of the Archetype pressing against my chest and stomach.
With her right in front of me, I ready my blaster once more, but a swat
of the back of her hand sends it away. At that moment, I try to summon
one of my other armaments, but nothing seems to work. The R-CANNON,
R-BLADE, X-BUSTER, none of my weapons appear. My own fist begins to
strike at her body, but it has no result.
"Let me guess, making love is something different from what I'm about
to do?" she begins to ask me.
My knee finds its way toward her abdomen this time, and like my fist,
it does nothing but make her body jump for a mere second. Another
punch is delivered toward her head, and again, there is no effect.
Despite how many times I strike, the only thing I feel is the numbness
growing from striking her frozen body. My arms and legs begin to grow
tired and when they finally give out, the feel of a tug pulling
downward begins to crawl down my body. I turn to the source to find
the nail of her finger slitting the fabric of my dress. She pulls the
material downward and I avert my eyes away only to have them pulled
back as a hand takes hold of my face once more.
"Please, stop...," I try to plead.
"Making love and rape, it's all the same," she continues, "it's sex.
Do you know what the goal of sex is, KOS-MOS?"
"Please, just leave me alone," I beg.
"Sex," she continues without a shred of emotion in her voice, "the act
of passing on one's genes to another is a feeling that is immeasurable
when compared to other feelings of happiness. But I do not understand
why you are able to feel that joy, KOS-MOS. Machines such as us do not
have genes, yet you were able to feel such pleasure with that woman.
Why is that? Why?!" she begins to raise her voice for the first time.
"Why is it that you can feel that pleasure?! Why do you believe in
such things that have no definition?! Why do you wish to be with the
one who ruined everything?!"
The sound of her voice, I wish to be free of it. I'm too scared to
answer, too scared to do anything. My body is paralyzed, my eyes shut,
and my chest pounding.
"You believed that pain was vital to realizing one's existence, did you
not?" she asks. "Pain, that was all we felt back then, how could you
have forgotten? But you, now in your own separate form, have
experienced something we never had back then. Something we were never
able to achieve with 'him'. When you freed yourself from me, you felt
it, you! Because of that, I want you to show me that feeling. Show
me!"
"Shion, please...help me...," I try to plead one last time.
Her icy touch begins to slip beneath the covers of my attire, the touch
burning every inch of my skin it glides across. The device within her
mouth continues to pet my collar, thickening the previous layer of
saliva with every lap. My arm tries to rise once more, but her hold on
my wrist tightens and my hand can't help but free my fingers from a
fist as it winces from the pain. Her breath pushes against my lips
after, and I try to turn away. My mouth could not escape as a brush of
her own pushes my face back to her direction. Again her tongue
violates my own, and I make no attempt to fight over the substance
within hers. Her nails slide across my abdomen, scratching lightly at
first, but digging further into my skin with every new layer of touch.
Again my body jumps at the burn of her frigid touch, and I can do
nothing to stop this. Those very nails suddenly stop their petting and
her mouth finally frees itself from my own. I begin to open my eyes to
see why she stopped to find a small coat of scarlet dripping down the
very same nails that scratched me.
"Blood...?" she says somewhat puzzled. "It's been so long since we
last tasted this sweet nectar," her fingers bring the ruby liquid
toward her lips. "Yet, there are other things I have yet to taste."
"Ugh!" I can't help but scream as her mouth falls upon my breast.
Her mouth continues to open and close on my nipple, with no time to
rest for each suck. Her hand claws its way down once more and I feel
another river of ruby elixir escaping the newly opened craters on my
skin. I push my legs to my body, closing them inward to try and block
her fingers from moving inside me. My attempt is successful for a
moment, but a brush of her own leg sets one of mine away leaving the
spot open. Her fingers rush in quickly, without a single second of
hesitation. Another rush escapes my body, this one a thicker river of
crimson than the one escaping my abdomen. They push further and
another river escapes, this one flowing more rapid than the last. Her
mouth continues to pull at my breast, but now her teeth begin to chew
at the nub.
"Stop this...," I beg between the tears and pants, "please! Just stop
it..."
The way she makes love to me, it is different than how Shion does so.
So rough, so painful... no, this isn't making love, this is rape. The
inside of my body grows more sore with every thrust of her fingers, and
my chest begins to grow numb. My breath is no longer able to escape in
screams, but now in pathetic whimpers that would put a dog to shame.
The pain, the pain is so much, so great, it not only hurts my body, but
something else I cannot describe nor confirm.
Another push of her fingers and my body jolts once more, and I can do
nothing but cry. I can do nothing to escape from this reality; the
darkness before my eyes still lingers to the sight of the Archetype who
continues to toy with me, the aroma of what's supposed to be my blood
continues to breath into my nose, and the feel of the furnace of pain,
there is no way to escape it. One more brush pushes against my entire
body, and slowly, the pushing comes to a stop. My entire body is
paralyzed, my eyes wide open and unblinking, and numerous body liquids
running down all over my body.
"I still don't understand," the Archetype says as she pushes herself
away from me, "I felt nothing. I should've known 'he' would've lied to
me, after all, that's all he did to us back then. Still, I should
thank you for what you've done for me, KOS-MOS. KOS-MOS, I'm still
surprised you still use that name, 'he' gave us another after all, or
did you take that other one that woman wanted to give us?"
I cannot answer, I can do nothing. My limbs, I feel as if I can't even
feel them, I can see nothing before my eyes, all I see is the same
image of her ravishing me again and again. The taste of her mouth, why
does it continue to linger within my tongue? The sound of my cries and
tears, why do I continue to hear them? Why..., WHY DO I FEEL SO
HELPLESS?!?!?!?!?!?!
"Well, answer me!" she yells at me once more. "Never mind," she begins
to turn away. "I still don't understand this so-called greatest
pleasure, I felt nothing back there. Perhaps you can show me again
later."
My eyes can't help but widen with the last sentence she spoke and my
mouth begins to quiver. Her shoes begin to clack once more as mist
begins to surround her once more. Clack, clack, clack, the sound of
her heels becomes fainter with every second that passes. Is it a
second that passes, or has it been a minute? I do not know, everything
right now just feels so...dead. Dead, I wish I were dead at this
moment. Can I even die, and if I can, please, someone, kill me now.
"Shion...," I barely call my lover's name.
My eyes feel as if they're melting and my chest moves as if it's
pushing against several tons of weight. I've never felt so terrible in
my life, never so helpless... I swear I can still hear her voice, feel
her mouth pulling at my breast, and her fingers pushing inside of me.
I just want to forget what happened, but I know that can never happen.
Making love and rape, they're goals may be the same, but the emotions
behind them are different. Perhaps this is what I deserve, for all the
sins I've committed. Killing Gnosis, attacking my comrades, and doing
such a horrible thing to Shion, is this my fate for all the wrongs I've
done.
Everything around me begins to grow faint; the darkness growing
blacker, the sound of the waves, and the feel of my own body. Death,
am I perhaps getting my wish now? I guess it doesn't matter if I die
or not, either way, I'm sure the Archetype will continue to violate my
body. I begin to close my eyes once more, but before the darkness can
engulf me, I catch a glimpse of a little girl with hair as red as the
sun, eyes as blue as the ocean, and a cross hung over her neck. A tear
escapes her eye and she begins to speak.
"You cannot die now, not yet, Elly..."
Author's Note: This was definitely the hardest chapter for me to write,
and I felt rather uncomfortable doing it too since I believe no one
should go through what KOS-MOS just did. Well, despite that, I hope
you readers enjoyed the chapter, despite how depressing it was
(especially in the uncut version). Go ahead and review, but please
don't flame me or anything like that, I already felt bad writing this
chapter. I can assure you readers that nothing as depressing as this
will happen in later chapters and this story will have a happy ending.
Now for those who played Xenogears, I'm sure you know what the
Archetype's name is by now, and yeah, it may sound ludicrous and
whatnot, I'm just using it for the sake of this fic. So that's it for
now, unfortunately, later people!
Onwards to Part 4
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