Unrequited
The sheets are cool and soft against my skin. I move on
them and they wrinkle beneath me. Next to me I can feel as she
shifts her weight on the bed.
When I turn my head a pair of glittering eyes meet me. She
forms that small smile of hers and I can't help but return it. The
scent of roses fills my nostrils and when it does I notice several of
them scattered on the bed.
She notes my study of them and raises an eyebrow.
"What?" she asks playfully. "You don't find it romantic?"
"It's more extravagant than romantic."
In a cat like movement, she moves to lie on her back. She
stretches her arms over her head and gazes at the ceiling. As she
does this I study her features. In the early morning light they look
much softer than I'm used to.
Many would be surprised to see her like this. Gentle and
open. For so long she has closed her heart off to any that would
seek it all because of an unrequited love.
I smile wryly at this. I've done just as much myself. It is
just one of the many things that we have in common.
The unrequited love that we share is what drew us
together. We may not love the same person but we both know
what it is to love and not have that love returned.
She smiles slowly and her features turn angelic. I curl onto
my side and move closer to her. Her fingers uncurl to gently touch
my hair as she remains focused on the ceiling.
"This is nice," she begins quietly. "I feel peaceful."
"Do you like feeling peaceful?"
"Yes."
Her head tilts to one side and we're gazing deeply into
each others eyes. She continues to lazily play with my hair.
"Don't you?"
I consider this. Do I like feeling peaceful? I've never really
experienced it so I'm not really sure. I try to remember a time
when I felt peaceful and the memory of it causes my jaw to tighten
in barely restrained rage.
"No," I say decisively. "It makes me feel more dead than
alive. I'd rather be fighting than be at peace."
A weary sigh fills the air and she turns away from me to
look at the ceiling again. Have I upset her? Just as I'm about to ask
her this she speaks again.
"I used to be angry too. Sometimes I still feel that anger
inside me but lately it's gone away."
"Why?"
My quiet question echoes in the air and she pauses before
turning to meet my gaze. Her eyes crinkle around the edges as she
stops playing with my hair.
"Because of you," she replies. "You make me feel at
peace. You take that anger away."
I can feel my body freeze and the air leave my lungs.
Never did I expect to hear this from her. I'm not sure how to take
it but I am sure that I've never felt so alive.
She sighs and looks at the ceiling again.
"You're still angry. I wish that I could make you feel at
peace as well. It doesn't seem fair somehow." She forms a wry
smile and continues, "But since when has life been fair?"
Remaining silent, I study her closely and my eyes are
drawn to her exposed neckline. It's missing... it's gone... did she
get rid of it? No, she would never get rid of it.
"Juri." Her green eyes lock on me and I ask her in hesitant
tones, "What happened to your locket?"
"It's gone," she replies simply. "I have no need of it. With
you at my side I no longer want her around my neck."
I stare at her in confusion and she chuckles. Her touch is
light and tender against my cheek.
"That necklace was like my own personal noose. It locked
me in subservience to her. Well, I'm sick of that role and I've
changed it. I'm her equal now. No," she says firmly as her eyes
sparkle. "I'm her superior."
"You're her Sempai," I say with quiet humor.
She looks at me with surprise before she chuckles. "Yes,"
she says as she curls my hair around her fingers. "You could say
that." She smiles then adds, "I'm also your Sempai as well."
There is a long moment of silence and she turns away to
look at the ceiling. I watch her while I silently wonder just what is
so interesting about that damn ceiling.
"Nanami?"
In her voice lies a question that tugs at my heart because of
the pure aching innocence that it reflects. I hadn't thought that she
had it in her but she does. We all have innocence hiding within us.
Even if we try to destroy it, innocence will always survive.
It's just a part of human nature I suppose.
"Yes?"
We're gazing deeply into each other's eyes and her hands
rest beside my face. I slowly reach out to her and she smiles.
"Do you still love him?"
I ponder this carefully. Do I still love him? I've always
loved him. Always. For so long he has been the center of my
world just like she has been the center of hers. But do I still love
him? After all that he's done do I still love him?
"Yes."
She squeezes her eyes shut and I clasp her hand tightly.
"Please don't," I say in an soft order. "I love him but not like that.
Not anymore. I swear it."
Her eyes open and she looks up at the ceiling again. This
time I follow her action and I note that nothing's there. Has she
been counting the dots? Probably not.
The two of us stare at the ceiling together and with the
scent of roses wafting in the air I can feel myself relax. A slow
sense of well being washes over me and I know exactly what she
was speaking of earlier.
Right now, while I'm with her I finally feel loved.
Loved and at peace.
-End-
Both characters in this fanfiction are from Revolutionary Girl
Utena. I've just revised this fanfic but I still know what you're
thinking. Juri and Nanami?! Although I've gotten over my
obsession of pairing Juri with close to every available female in the
series that's not why I wrote this. What caused this fic was a
pondering about how their unrequited love in regards to Shiori and
Touga is slightly similar. That and I saw this all together too
beautiful pix of the two of them lying in bed together.
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