Miracles
I don't believe in miracles. I've said that time and time again
and I'll continue to say it as my life goes on.
But if I don't believe in miracles then why is she here? Her
presence in my dojo is in itself a miracle. I never expected to see her
again. Not after the way we parted... the way we all parted. The fall
at Ohtori was not a pleasant one.
Then again what falls are ever pleasant? Besides the seasonal
kind of course. She nears me in the same steady gait that I've always
admired. There is a charming confidence in her walk that endears her
to me. That endears her to many.
I may be admired but I'm also feared. None fear her. Not
even those she defeats. She has an unflappable talent for making her
enemies her friends. It's something I would wish to have if I were a
more sociable person.
Fortunately I'm not. The only people I want or need around
are those who wish to challenge my sword. I'm a born competitor and
to live I need conflict.
It's too bad that most of the conflict I receive isn't in my
chosen realm of fencing but rather in my personal life. I know she's
well aware of this of because she's the cause of the conflict. At least a
good portion of it.
She stops in front of me and smiles gently. I can feel my jaw
clench at action. Already my barriers are rising. I've made the mistake
of letting her in once and I'm not about to make the same mistake
again.
"I've missed you."
For this comment I reward her with a derisive look and I can
see her flinch under it. Good. She deserves that. The pain of rejection.
You just don't abandon someone then expect to walk back into their
life free and clear. It doesn't work that way in the real world. In the
real world we have a thing called bitterness and spite.
She ought to learn about these things now that she's finally
been propelled out of the fairy tale world that she has existed in the
past few years. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. I existed within that
fairy tale world. We all did to some degree but the world was of her
making.
Out of us all she wanted it the most. She wanted that damned
fairy tale world that her oh so perfect Prince existed in. She wanted it
and she made me want it too.
Want it and want her. Want her beautiful innocence. Want her
joy of living. Want her hope. Want her belief, that unending belief in
miracles.
I meet her gaze and I know she's waiting for my reply. A
twisted smile forms on my lips as I answer.
"Oh, really? I wouldn't have guessed. After all, you never kept
in touch."
She licks her lips nervously and fiddles with her hands behind
her back. Curse her. Why must she be this way? So dangerously
charming in her own ignorance.
"I wanted to..."
Her voice trails off softly and she drops her gaze from mine to
look at her hands that are now neatly folded in front of her. I follow
this action and my eyes narrow at what I see.
"You're wearing the ring."
"Yes."
My jaw is clenched again and my hands are balled into fists.
I'm shaking with repressed rage and she knows it. She has seen me
like this many times before.
"Why?"
She lifts her eyes to lock with my own and they're no longer
filled with tenderness. There is a quiet rage held inside them that
matches my own.
"Why do you wear the locket?"
At this I can only stare at her with what I know must be a
dumbfounded expression. Why am I wearing the locket? I've always
worn the locket... always. It's become just as much a part of me as
my impossible love has. To not wear the locket would to be
something other than myself.
Is that why she wears the ring still? Has he become just as
much a part of her? It makes sense I suppose. He was the center of
her existence for most of her life. Even with him gone and that part of
her life destroyed she still can feel his influence over her.
Just as I can feel my love's influence over me.
So I clutch at my locket and she touches her ring. Our eyes
meet once again and it's electric. The space between us evaporates
and only inches separate us.
She breaks contact to stare anxiously at the floor. Her hands
are once again behind her back as she asks.
"Did... did you miss me?"
I smile at this question. Did I miss her? Of course I missed
her. I missed her like a starving man misses food. To a person like me
she's life itself. I'm not particularly good at living but she is and when
I'm with her I find that I am too.
"Yes, I missed you."
Her head lifts and reveals a pair of shining blue eyes. Oh how
I've longed to see them these past lonely months. I can't believe she
came here. I can't believe she found me.
My hands are shaking as they gently cup her face and tip it
upwards to look more deeply into my own. I swallow the lump in my
throat and sort out what I want to say next. Words have never been
my forte. And it was my failure in the ways of emotional expression
that cost me my first love. I'll not let it cost me her as well.
"I... I..."
I cannot find the words. I cannot find them and for that I will
lose her as I've lost the one before. The pain tugs at my heart and I
realize the cause of it. The cause for the fear that clutches at my soul
and hers as well.
In a smooth movement I rip the thin gold chain from my neck
and throw my locket carelessly across the dojo. She gasps at this
action and I reach out to softly cup her chin in my hand. Slowly I lead
her gaze back to me.
"She means nothing to me now. I throw her away like I throw
away our past. You're all I want now."
I watch her lower her eyes to the ring that he gave to her
during the moment of her ultimate suffering. She looks at that ring then
looks at me and in a jerky movement she pulls it off her finger to
throw it in the direction my locket landed.
Blue eyes smile at me like they did so long ago and her voice
has a playful lilt as she responds.
"He means nothing to me now. I throw him away like I throw
away our past. You're all I want now."
A smile curls on my lips. How long has it been since I've
smiled this much? Since the last time I saw her.
In a smooth movement I pull her closer to me and she gives a
startled cry at this gesture. Gradually she relaxes into my hold and
rests her hands lightly on my hips. Our faces are inches apart and the
feel of her hot breath on my skin drives me insane.
With sweeping strength I possess her lips with my own and
she meets my passionate embrace with an eagerness I wouldn't have
expected from her. When we finally pull apart for the need of air I say
her name like a prayer.
"Utena."
She sighs softly and I can feel another smile cross my lips on
hearing it. I've never smiled this often in one day and I know it will
only get worse with her at my side. She's far too cheerful for her own
good.
The back of my hand gently strokes her cheek and as she
leans into my touch she whispers my name.
"Juri."
-End-
Both characters in this fanfiction are from Revolutionary Girl Utena
which is what I consider to be the best shojoai series available in
Anime today. I really don't know why I wrote this fanfic other than the
fact that the little girl in me wants to see these two characters happy.
In particular I really do want to see Juri find some degree of joy in
her life. She's second to Ukyo in my list of favorite Anime ladies and I
think Shiori must be insane for liking Ruka over her. Well enough of
my weird soapbox. I'm off to watch the preview clip of the Utena
movie again.
Back to Revolutionary Girl Utena Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction