Hana no Nai Bara (part 9 of 10)

a Revolutionary Girl Utena fanfiction by Kouketsuno Rei

Back to Part 8
"Only a little more to go. This victory shall bring us back together." 
Tenjou Utena, in her tanktop and shorts, made meticulous preparation 
for the next day’s duel. From her experience with her opponent, the 
young challenger carefully plotted any kind of vital strategy that 
could give her an up in her fight. The first thought would be her 
vulnerability, namely her fragile body. Horrible images of a sword 
blade slicing into her stomach, bringing streams of pain to her, 
flashed in her mind. "Get it together! That’s in the past!" Her pastel 
locks whipped back and forth as she rapidly shook her head, hoping to 
just shake the image out of her mind. "Knowing him, my body will be 
used as my main weakness. I have to avoid any contact." Utena’s finger 
traced slowly over the white scar on her stomach, a place which she 
knew was a vulnerable point. Thoughtfully, she padded over to the 
table where she had placed several items she felt were needed. 
Carefully, she began to wrap a thick bandage around her waist, 
covering the tender flesh that made up the newly healed scar, then 
lightly slamming her flattened hand upon it to merely test it’s minor 
protection. A few more hits and she continued with the bandaging, 
removing the tanktop to wrap it around her upper body, criss-crossing 
the bandage between her breasts and over her shoulders, leaving enough 
slack to leave herself flexible. More flexibility tests followed and 
the young prince put her tanktop back on and flopped upon the bed, 
leaving the rest of the bandages to wrap around her forearms before 
the duel. "Only a short time now. Sempai’s ‘rehabilitation’ really 
improved my skill." Closing her eyes, she released a long-held sigh. 
"Himemiya and I cannot lose." This was it. The prince was confident, 
stronger, wiser, and hungry. "Ah...was that...my stomach?" Utena sat 
up, listening to the rumble in her stomach and suddenly realizing how 
much she had neglected to eat. "Well, can’t be totally healed on an 
empty stomach." The small pantry in the dorm that held most of the 
food had probably been touched a time or two since Utena moved in, so 
there’s got to be some food in there. Kneeling by the cabinet, she 
opened a cupboard, only to see two small eyes peering back at her. 
"Huh? Don’t tell me I’ve got rodents in here." A high pitched noise 
was heard before the owner of the tiny eyes darted forward, sending 
Utena sprawling back from being startled. "Wha...what the...!? 
Ch...Chu-chu?? How did you get here?"

"Chu? Chu!" The only words the small creature spoke, but Utena could 
strangely understand it’s emotions.

"You must have accidentally gotten packed with my stuff. At least it’s 
good to know you didn’t starve." In the near month that Utena had 
occupied the room, Chu-chu had cleared out the bottom cupboard of it’s 
food supply. Confused, maybe embarrassed, Chu-chu held out the rest of 
the cracker he’d been eating to Utena.

"It’s all right, Chu-chu. You eat it." She smiled warmly, thankful to 
finally have some company in her lonely prison. Picking him up, she 
hugged him gently to her cheek. "I’m surprised to see you, though." 

"Chuuuu!" The creature sounded cheerfully. After setting him down, 
Utena looked around in the other cupboards, finding several foods that 
had to be made instantly. Weakly, she made an attempt. 

"Doesn’t look too bad, does it?"

"Chu! Chu, chu chu, chu!"

"At least someone looks appreciative!" Then again, any idiot could 
make instant curry and rice, even Utena. When she made sure it was 
edible, she cleaned up and made way for bed. After wetting her hair 
down, she walked back in the room with a towel draped over her 
shoulders and saw Chu-chu sleeping peacefully on a crumpled napkin, a 
bubble growing and shrinking in his nose. 

"......chu.......chu......chu......chu......."

"Chu-chu, you always pick the most awkward places to sleep." Picking 
him up, she walked to the bed, setting him on the edge of her pillow. 
"I’m surprised Himemiya hasn’t noticed you missing yet." Utena pulled 
up her pajama bottoms and then lied down, not bothering to button her 
top, then sighing long and deeply. "Tomorrow’s a big day. My fate’s 
riding on it." She restlessly rolled onto her side, onto the other 
side, then on her back, before she sighed again. "Oji-sama, please be 
with me. Please help me make the right decision. Should I not, I can 
only request that you take good care of Himemiya, for a failure will 
prove that I cannot." As Utena’s eyes closed to sleep, the silhouette 
of Himemiya Anthy quickly shot up in the darkness of the no-tell 
Planetarium, her long hair draped behind her with her back arched 
almost painfully, crying aloud...

"Utena-sama!!" ...the cry echoing throughout Ohtori Gakuen.

A feeling of remorseful anxiousness greeted Tenjou Utena that morning. 
A sunbeam waking her from her dreamless sleep forced the girl out of 
her warm, soft bed. Utena stretched and then ran her hair through her 
tangled mess of pink hair before going in the bathroom to shower. 

"...can’t lose. I can’t lose. I can’t lose. I...can’t lose." The young 
duelist’s body ran on auto pilot as she slowly and shakily prepared to 
go to school. Where did the night go? Why can’t it last longer? After 
showering, she dried, dressed, and left for a long and stressful day, 
still running on auto pilot.

"Utena-sama! Good morning!" Wakaba caught up with the ‘mindless’ 
Utena, only to be greeted by a blank expression. "...ah...Utena-sama? 
Aren’t you well?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah, of course. I’m just thinking is all."

"Abouuuut?"

"Nothing really. Don’t worry about it. I’m all right." Utena hated to 
lie to Wakaba, but it was true, her duel really shouldn’t concern her 
best friend...should it?

"If you say so. Just know that I’m here. It really feels like we’ve 
grown distant since that boy hurt you."

"...Wakaba...is that really how you feel?" The emotionless blue eyes 
of Utena widened quickly at that comment.

"...I dunno. It’s like, you’ve been so sad and busy that I just...feel 
like I haven’t been a really good friend, or maybe you just don’t want 
to hang out with me anymore?"

"Th...that’s not true at all! If anything, it’s my fault. I’m really 
sorry for distancing myself. I...I didn’t know what I was doing." 
Utena’s arm went behind her neck, a shamed crimson spreading on her 
cheeks. "I guess Himemiya and I aren’t the only ones who have been 
hurt by this whole ordeal." 

"...no, you’re not." 

"Wakaba...I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this. I 
know I should have tried to make more time for you, but I didn’t even 
realize this was hurting you so much." Utena placed her hand on 
Wakaba’s shoulder, letting out a breath. "Are you okay, Wakaba-chan?"

"I’m okay. I sound so childish. I just don’t want you to be sad 
anymore."

"It’s gonna be all right, Wakaba. I’m gonna...do something today that 
will possibly make everything better."

"What’s that?"

"I’m...I’m..." Utena stuttered, a breath being held nervously.

"What is it, Utena?"

"I’m going to..." The pink-trussed Utena fought to force the words 
out. She turned her head and closed her eyes. As her eyes parted, a 
weight shoved her forward.

"Utena, watch out!" 

"What the hell...!?" Tenjou Utena turned quickly, looking for an 
assailant, but was greeted with the piercing sting of a backhanded 
slap, before being hoisted off her feet and slammed into some lockers.

"Where the hell are you hiding her!? Where is she, you thieving little 
bitch!?" Utena’s blue eyes looked up, dazed.

"Wha...what the hell are you talking about!?"

"The Bride! Where the hell are you hiding her!?" Both stared hard to 
one another, teeth gritting, neither moving.

"Hey! Let go of her!" Wakaba shouted before swinging her school bag, 
hard, into the back of his head, then he dropped Utena.

"Wakaba-chan, don’t! This is my fight!" 

"...b...but..." Wakaba stuttered, her bag hanging in her grip. 
Shintaro stood up, a hand covering the bump on his head from the force 
of many school books being thrown into it.

"Getting your little girlfriend to fight you battles? She gonna duel 
for you today, too!?" Wakaba gasped at that. Is...that was Utena was 
going to tell her?

"...Utena-sama...? Y...you’re dueling today...!?" Utena looked away, 
casting her eyes to the floor.

"I...I’m going to duel to get Himemiya back. It’s the only way." 
Wakaba ran to Utena’s side, taking her by the shoulders fiercely.

"No! You can’t! I won’t let you! I don’t want you to get hurt again! I 
can’t stand to see you that way, Utena-sama. Please..." Wakaba pleaded 
to the prince. How could she bear to see Utena hurt again? Shintaro, 
though, was growing impatient. He approached the two, shoving Wakaba 
into the lockers and grabbing Utena once more.

"Enough stalling, Tenjou-kun! Where’s the bride?"

"I haven’t touched her. It would appear your usual carelessness has 
cost you her possession, huh?" With that, Utena slapped the boy’s 
hands away from her and went to Wakaba’s side, helping her up. "Hey, 
you all right?"

"...I’m fine." From behind the group of people, a voice was heard.

"Shintaro, Tenjou, what’s going on here?" Both, Utena and Shintaro 
turned to see Akio standing there, Anthy standing in front of him. 

"Hi...himemiya..." Utena quickly ran to the Hanayome, taking her hands 
into her own. "Are...you all right, Himemiya?" Anthy hesitated, a 
flash of guilt and shame flashing in her eyes before she forced a 
smile and nodded.

"Of course, Tenjou-san. I’m fine." She spoke flatly, not using her 
usual honorific in front of her brother. Shintaro, visibly angered, 
rose and stood next to Utena, though the concerned prince paid him no 
attention. 

"Himemiya, where did you go last night? You could have been hurt out 
there all alone." Anthy felt a small pang of guilt. She could have 
been hurt? Oh, how precious little the young Oji knew.

"I was...with Onii-sama last night, Tenjou-san." Again, Anthy replied 
flatly and emotionlessly. At that time, Shintaro spoke up.

"Why did you run away from me, Anthy?"

"I...I’m sorry...Shintaro-sama." Apologies, apologies. Shintaro was 
sick to death of hearing them, but he knew he couldn’t lash out at 
her, not while Akio was present. He merely turned away, mentally 
cursing Akio for being there, and began walking away.

"Yeah, whatever. Just make sure you show up for the duel today. I’d 
better not have to come after you for that, too." Then, he stalked 
off, a smile spreading on his features. "So, she failed to demonstrate 
the secrets of Tenjou-kun. I guess that just means I’ll get what I 
want, my way." As he turned a corner, Utena released a long held sigh 
and her shoulders slumped.

"...Utena...are you okay?" Wakaba’s voice broke the silence as she 
approached Utena, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Ye...yeah, Wakaba. I’m all right. It was sort of foolish, but thanks 
for helping me." Utena hugged Wakaba, a kiss finding it’s way to the 
smaller girl’s forehead. "I don’t want you getting into trouble, so 
get to class and I’ll be there as soon as I speak with the Rijichou, 
okay?"

"Okay, Utena! I’ll see you then!" Blushing, Wakaba turned and bounded 
for class, knowing Utena was right...she didn’t need another tardy on 
her record. The prince’s smile faded turned around and looked to Akio.

"Akio-san, I still have my duel with him today and I haven’t changed 
my mind...if that’s what you’re here for."

"No, no. That’s not what I’m here for. I am merely wandering my campus 
with my sister. Is that so wrong?" Akio stated casually. Utena said 
nothing, glancing to the Hanayome before speaking.

"Himemiya, if it’s all right...would you...be willing to come with me 
for awhile. Just some...quality time before the...duel?" 

"Yes. If you’ll excuse me, Onii-sama." Without hesitation, the Bride 
took the scarred prince’s hand and walked casually down the corridor. 
Akio looked at them leave, a smile forming on his features...almost 
frighteningly.

"With Anthy at her side...Utena won’t be able to resist my offer. 
Anthy better not blow it. She’d better let the persuasion plan go into 
effect without delay. Utena’s body and power will be mine." From down 
the hall, Utena never looked back, never heard the sadistic chuckle 
Akio let out. Gripping Anthy’s hand tighter, the two disappeared 
behind a corner.

Upon leaving the hallways of Ohtori, and skipping school in the 
process, Utena and Anthy made way throughout the campus, neither 
speaking a word, neither taking a noticeable breath. By now, it will 
have been such a long, long time since the two were alone together 
without one being bed-ridden, and Utena felt horribly responsible.

"Hey, Himemiya, why so silent?" The Bride hesitated before answering, 
a brief clenching of her fist.

"Ah, I’m just a bit tired is all. I’m sorry. Why are you so silent?" 
Utena merely turned her head to look away. Anthy could feel the 
tension in her love’s actions, knowing she was a bit uncomfortable. 
How could she blame her? Having been away for so long must have been a 
tragic and lonely experience for Utena. 

"I can’t lie to you, Himemiya. I’m not...really...proud of what I’m 
doing. In fact, I’m scared, so very scared. I’ve done all I can to 
prepare myself for his wrath, but I’m afraid that it might not be 
enough. He seems...hell bent on killing me, now." Utena looked down, 
her hand coming up briefly to touch the battle scar over her eye. 
"This is merely a scratch as compared to what he could do." The prince 
shuddered at the thoughts of her being violently skewered by a steel 
blade, bathed in her blood, and then slowly dying. 

"Utena-sama...don’t be afraid. I can sense your fear and it’s going to 
consume you if you submit to it."

"I...I know. I’m sorry. I’m being terribly childish."

"...no...Utena...it’s all right to be afraid, but don’t be in a way 
that you weaken yourself. Standing in the shadow of Dios is quite a 
feat to live up to and you must be incredibly strong to have made it 
this far. I’m proud of you, Utena. Be stronger, I know you can be." 
The Bride took Utena’s hand in her own, squeezing it gently before 
kissing the Prince’s cheek.

"...thank you...Himemiya...I will be strong."

A few hours until the end of the Ohtori school day and the beginning 
of another duel. Utena and Anthy were nowhere to be found and 
Arisugawa Juri was growing impatient. 

"Where is she? We’ve got to prepare!" She thought to herself. Looking 
around the entire campus was time consuming, but the fencing captain 
struggled through it. One location after another was searched until 
Juri’s eyes snapped open and she realized she’d forgotten... "The 
Observation Tower! It’s still Himemiya-san’s dormitory." When she had 
finally gotten there after a long, long walk, she stopped momentarily 
to see if anyone was around. No one. Enter the tower, a casual look on 
her face as she waited for the elevator to go up. The annoying music 
playing over the small speaker made Juri’s nose scrunch up in distaste 
until the car finally stopped. Two door-ways. Which one? Naturally, 
the not-so-decorated one. Juri’s hand raised to knock, but stopped 
when she heard talking. The unmistakable voice of Utena, no doubt.

"I knew they were here." Juri thought. She stood for several minutes 
before she blushed and realized what they were talking about. She 
listened anyway...

"...but what if I don’t win the duel? I know we’ve been over this, but 
it still doesn’t make any sense to me. You say I should win and fight 
your brother, but you also say perhaps I shouldn’t."

"I’m sorry, Utena. I can’t decide for you. I don’t know what to do."

"Then...what do you want? From me?"

"...from you...?"

"Yes! What do want from me? How do you picture us?"

"I...see...us...together...and..."

"...and...?" Utena took Anthy’s hands in her own. The bride looked 
away, still stuttering to answer the question.

"...and I don’t."

"Wh...what? I don’t understand what you mean?"

"I want to live my life with you, Utena, but I don’t want the world to 
suffer just because I was being selfish. You have to duel with my 
brother. You have to."

"...but if you...just want to be with me, then I’ll forfeit the duel, 
give myself to Akio, and then we can be together."

"I can’t let you do that. You can’t lose Dios no Chikara. We’d all be 
doomed to suffering if it was taken from you." 

"Himemiya...I...I don’t want it! I’m tired of this! I’ve wanted to 
become a prince and I have! I’m your prince...what do I have to keep 
proving! I don’t want to revolutionize the world! I don’t want to be 
the damn Kettou no Shioushia! I don’t want any of it! I’d give it all 
up just to be with you...I...I don’t wanna duel. I...I can’t. 
Just...let me forfeit it." Utena broke down right in front of Anthy, 
her small frame trembling. The Bride turned from Utena, a slightly 
pained expression on her face. 

Juri was still behind the door, a shocked expression of her own. Was 
Utena serious!? Juri thought to herself, "No...not after all I’ve done 
for her." She opened the door swiftly, startling the two occupants. 
Anthy looked up quickly.

"...sempai...? How...did you know we were here?"

"That doesn’t matter. Utena...I heard you. What are you saying!?" 
Arisugawa Juri took a place in front of the crying duelist and crossed 
her arms over her chest. "After all you’ve been through, you’re just 
going to give up??" 

"I...I don’t want to...but I can’t take it anymore. I’m...scared." 
Utena never once raised her head to look at Juri, for she knew how 
ashamed of herself she was, but couldn’t come to accept it.

"Fear is for the weak. I know you’re stronger than that and there is 
no way in hell I’m letting you quit." Juri lifted Utena’s head, 
clasping her chin in her hand. "Do you understand me??" Utena remained 
silent after that. Anthy just looked blankly to them. 
"Himemiya-san...haven’t you done anything for her?"

"I...I’ve tried. I don’t want her to lose the power." Anthy’s voice 
was flat as usual, but there was a very mild touch of concern and Juri 
knew it.

"...you hear that, Utena? Himemiya Anthy, the woman you love, doesn’t 
want you give up, either. Do you want to disappoint her?"

"...n...no, but I don’t want to risk losing her, either."

"How could you possibly lose after receiving all my training? C’mon, 
Utena." A small smile appeared on Utena’s face, as well as Anthy’s. "I 
know you’re strong and you’ve proved it to me by surviving all these 
clashes with death. One duel isn’t going to end you. So, not for the 
sake of revolution, will you duel to the ends of the earth if it meant 
keeping Anthy with you forever rather than forfeiting the duel with 
Keingo and granting the Dios no Chikara to Akio so that he can do with 
the world as he pleases? If he does get it, there’s no telling what 
he’d do."

"I...I understand what you’re saying and I’m beginning to realize how 
important this is. I still don’t like it, but I’ll duel if it means 
staying with Himemiya for the rest of my life." Utena could still 
sense some doubt in herself, but she’d just have to live with it.

"Good...now c’mon. The reason I originally came was to get you so we 
could get you ready. The duel isn’t too far away, now."

"I know. Let’s get started. Himemiya, when you’re up there and he’s 
doing what he does, keep a sharp eye out for his tricks. I’ll have 
sempai watch from afar as well."

"I will, Utena-sama. I wish you luck."

"Thank you, Himemiya. I’ll see you there."

"Likewise, Utena-sama." Utena nodded, kissed Anthy briefly, and headed 
out the door with Juri.

------------------------------------------------------------

Author’s notes:

This is what I've gotten up to. I'm working on the next part, it's 
just having some difficulty getting created. I want it perfect...it's 
been awhile, but it's in the making! So, bear with me. Sahnkyuu!!

Onwards to Part 10


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