-Prologue- From Butler's New Revised Lives of the Saints, 1965. Saint Lulim (March 15) Little Saint Lulim, patron saint of Japanese fish scalers, was born in 1786 in Kyoto, Japan. He was converted to the Holy Catholic faith at the age of nineteen, and shortly thereafter joined the Benedictines. While not the most prominent of Benedictine saints, there are several miracles attributed to him. While it is true there are those naysayers who will tell you his greatest miracle, in which he took his shoes off, stuck his feet into a lake, and was rewarded by dozens of fish suddenly floating up to the lake's surface dead, was due more to a bad case of stinkfoot than divine intervention, we of the true faith know otherwise. True it is that for the non-believer, no amount of evidence will suffice, while for the believer no amount of evidence is necessary. Saint Lulim, Patron Saint of Japanese Fish Scalers, Pray for us. Amen. -Chapter 3- -The Diocesan Headquarters- The gates to the Strawberry Dorms were locked for the evening. With that signal of the end of the day, the students from the three dorms filtered over to the front of the church for a special announcement. "Okay everyone," Chihaya announced, "The votes for the annual election of ‘Best Lesbian Couple on Campus' are in!" Everyone clapped excitedly at the announcement until the young student held her hand up for silence. "Now normally Etoile-sama would be announcing the winners, but she's apparently unable to be here. Chikaru-sama, Rokujou-sama and Toumori-sama are unavailable as well." A murmuring went up among the students over this. Chihaya's close friend Mizushima came over to help with the announcement. "Girls, please," she said over their voices, "I'm sure there's a good reason none of them could attend to announce the winner. Let's hear Chihaya tell us who won anyways." "Thank you," the brunette in the ponytails said to her girlfriend before addressing the crowd, "Now then, the winner of the title ‘Best Lesbian Couple on Campus' is... Kenjou and Momori!" At the announcement that the hated evil lesbian couple won the prestigious prize, several angry voices were raised. "What?" Mizushima asked in shock, "Those two creeps?" "How did those jerks win the title of best lesbian couple on campus?" another student asked angrily. "Well," Chihaya explained, "According to the voters, they won because they fight far less than Mizushima and I do, are far more open about their feelings towards one another than anyone else on campus, and their relationship has far less angst in it than anyone else's. Also, the fact that Momori is aware of Kenjou trying to sexually assault underclassman, yet is still willing to stay with her, only goes to show how committed a couple they really are. Finally, thanks to all the baths they take together instead of separately, not only are they cleaner-looking and better smelling than any other couple on campus, but they use less water and thus help out the environment. As a side note, they've also tied for most environmentally conscious student on campus." "Wow," Mizushima muttered, "The evil lesbian couple on campus really is the best couple." "Thank you all for voting, and..." "Girls!" the head sister shouted as she ran over to the group, "Girls, we have trouble!" "Head Sister, what is it?" Chihaya asked. "Several of the girls, including the student council presidents and the Etoile, are off campus," she announced frantically, "They're missing!" ------ At a bus station in Okinawa, a group of nuns, three cosplayers, a small girl, and the teddy bear of the apocalypse disembarked from the bus. "Well, here we are," Chikaru announced as she got off the bus with the others, "Okinawa at last!" "Well, now what?" Tsubomi asked as she pulled the cape of her Gatchaman costume tighter around her as the sun slowly set and an evening chill appeared. "I think the best thing is for us to stay within our original groups," Toumori-sama suggested, "All the St. Spica students will stick with me, the St. Lulim students keep with Chikaru-sama, and..." as the council president of St. Spica used the opportunity to try to exert her authority, Tamao saw Nagisa in her cute Sister Rosette costume. "Isn't this exciting Nagisa-chan?" Tamao asked. "I suppose, I... Chiyo-chan?" she asked their room temp in the panda suit, "Chiyo-chan, are you alright?" Chiyo-chan didn't answer, instead looking off into space. After listening to Black Sabbath for the last two hours straight, the young girl seemed to be trembling slightly. "Nagisa-san?" Rokujou-sama asked as she walked away from Toumori, "Is something wrong?" "We're not sure," she explained as Shizuma likewise came over to the group. "It's Chiyo-chan," Tamao said, "She's acting kind of strange since the trip." "Hmm, this is serious," Shizuma said, "As your room temp, Chiyo-chan is your responsibility. But as Etoile, all three of you are my responsibility," with that she went to the young girl, "Chiyo-chan, are you alright? Is there anything you want?" Chiyo nodded, "I... I want to reach out," she began, "And touch the sky. I want to touch the sun, but I don't need to fly." "Huh?" Rokujou asked. "Chiyo-chan, what are you talking about?" Nagisa asked, giving a worried look to Tamao and Shizuma. "I'm gonna climb up every mountain on the moon," Chiyo went on, "And find a distant man a-waving his spoon..." As the concerned students of St. Miator tried to help the traumatized room temp, the group from St. Spica was busy dealing with their own problems. "Alright, this is a big bus station," Toumori began, "And we're now in the middle of the large city of Okinawa, so it's important that we all stick together." Yaya looked around, and quickly noticed something was wrong, "Toumori-sama, where's Hikari?" "Huh?" the council president asked. "Yeah," Tsubomi put in, "And Kenjou is missing too. What's going on?" As Momori began to whistle innocently while avoiding eye contact with anyone, Amane's eyes suddenly opened wide as she let out a gasp. "My Amane senses are tingling," she declared, "Hikari is in danger!" As the dashing horseback rider looked around the large and crowded bus station however, her heart sank; how could she find her cute little girl toy in this maze of people and side rooms? ------ In an isolated baggage room, Kenjou dragged the helpless Hikari by the wrist to a shadowy corner. When she was certain they were alone she forced the frightened blonde against the wall and held her pinned there. "Hikari," Kenjou sneered, "Are you familiar with the story of Icarus and how he flew too close to the sun?" "Yes," the blonde nervously answered, "You told me all about him the first time you tried to rape me." "Really? Well, um... how about the greenhouse effect?" "You told me that story the second time you attacked me." "Hmmm... Arachne and Minerva?" "The third time." "Anthony and Cleopatra?" "That time in the Laundromat." "Fidel Castro's health problems?" "Two days ago behind the church." "Socrates and the hemlock?" "This afternoon in the Girl's Room." "Damn it!" Kenjou swore angrily. Suddenly her face lit up, "Okay, wait I've got one! Once upon a time there was a great scientist named Bruce Banner, who foolishly played around with gamma rays. Because of his hubris, he ended up turning himself into a horrifying green actor named Lou Ferrigno. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Hikari opened her mouth to say something, and stopped. She looked away from Kenjou down at the floor thoughtfully, then off to the side, then back at the older student holding her pinned to the wall. "Um... Sorry, no. Actually, you completely lost me with that one." "Look, you're the gamma rays, and I'm Banner... No, wait, my feelings for you are the gamma rays, and... Grrr... Look, I only saw the TV show once, okay! It was a long time ago, and..." "You've seen television? Was Chuck Norris on it?" "What? No! He wasn't on the show I saw, I... Wait a second," Kenjou hissed as she narrowed her eyes, "You're trying to distract me, aren't you?" "Well..." the blonde began, but before she could get anything else out the sound of footsteps alerted both her and Kenjou that they had company. Kenjou turned to look at the girl walking slowly towards them, frowning angrily at her as she came closer. "What are you doing here?" she demanded, "You're supposed to stick with the other St. Lulim students. Now get out of here or..." "Ohshibaru told me to come here," cute little Kagome said as she held her teddy, "He told me to give you something." "Give me something?" Kenjou asked suspiciously, "What?" "This," the girl said as she gave the older student the peace sign. As Kenjou looked closer out of curiosity, Kagome quickly poked her in the eyes with the two fingers. "Ow!" the older girl shouted, "You rotten little..." "Ohshibaru says we should probably run away now," Kagome said to Hikari. The blonde in the nun habit nodded and together they ran away from Kenjou who was stumbling around blindly. They finally reached their classmates with the angry older lesbian hot on their heels. "Amane-sama!" Hikari cried as she ran into her sugar momma's arms. "Kagome-chan?" Chikaru-sama asked as the girl and her teddy bear ran over to the St. Lulim group as fast as she could, "What's going on?" "Kenjou!" Amane said angrily as she glared at the nasty girl, "I demand an explanation!" "That little creep poked me in the eyes!" she shouted as she pointed furiously at Kagome. "She did it to save me," Hikari answered back. "Sheesh, can't you go at least twenty-four hours without trying to assault the underclassmen?" Toumori asked exasperatedly. "Rrrrrr... I'll get you my pretty," she sneered angrily at Kagome, "And your little bear too!" "Children, please," Shizuma interrupted, "Let's not forget why we're here." "Etoile-sama is right," Rokujou said, "It's almost dark out, and we have yet to reach the diocesan headquarters." "But how do we find it?" Nagisa asked. "Not to fear," Chikaru-sama announced triumphantly, "Luckily Hyuuga, Natsume and I can help." "Thanks," Momori said snidely, "But I don't think the St. Lulim finger painting club will be of much help with this one." "Or the holding your breath ‘till your face turns blue club," Yaya added, "Or the paper airplane club, or..." "No, no, no," Natsume said as the overhead lighting shone off of her glasses, "Chikaru-sama is referring to the map club." "Right," Hyuuga said, "And luckily we brought a map of the city of Okinawa." "And I remembered to bring a compass I won out of a Cracker Jack box," Chikaru added, "So this should be a piece of cake!" -Meanwhile, at the Diocesan Headquarters- "Your Eminence," the young Diocesan Priest said as he entered the Bishop's office, "It's almost time for your press conference." Bishop Donald Patrick O' Donohue Takahashi sighed wearily. He'd agreed to give the Japanese press an interview tonight at nine o'clock to discuss the lawsuits the diocese was facing, as well as the continued strike on the part of the Sisters of Our Lady of the Gaping Bloody Wound over the issue of women's ordinations. The head of the nunnery, Sister Ivanna Bea Mann, announced that the nuns refused to make any more of their world-renowned cheesecakes until the Vatican allowed women to become priests. On top of all the other issues was the growing financial crisis in the diocese. Granted, the closure of some isolated parishes out in the countryside had helped a bit, but they were still in so much debt that the bishop and his advisors had made the decision to close a Catholic girl's schools. Normally, the fear of bad publicity or the prospect of the school officials and the students and parents putting up a big stink would've dissuaded Bishop Takahashi from such a course, but these were desperate times for the diocese. Besides, it was a girl's school. What was the worst that could happen? -Meanwhile, in a Taxi Speeding Towards the Diocesan Headquarters- "We didn't have to rent the three taxis," Chikaru said discouragingly, "The map club could've got us there." "With a compass out of a Cracker Jack box?" Toumori asked, "Are you serious?" "It's not that we don't think you could've gotten us there safely," Rokujou added, "But time is of the essence, and it would've taken forever to get there by foot." "Isn't this exciting?" Natsume asked her girlfriend Hyuuga. The girl nodded as she held the other girl's hand. Meanwhile Kagome and her bear looked out the back window at the taxi speeding after them, where a second conversation was taking place... "Mmm... Oh Amane," Hikari muttered, blushing as a hand gently ran up and down her back, "That feels wonderful." "What are you talking about?" Amane asked, "I'm sitting over here by the window. Kenjou..." "Hey, I'm innocent this time," the villainous older girl groused. "Well don't look at me," Momori said. Yaya whistled innocently to herself as she continued to run her fingers up and down Hikari's back. Tsubomi just shook her head exasperatedly as she looked out the rear view window at the third taxi... "Um, Etoile-sama," Nagisa said shyly, "I'm grateful for the seat, but are you sure it's okay for me to sit on your lap?" "Shhh," Shizuma said as she placed a finger to the redhead's lips, "less talking, more snuggling." "Chiyo-chan," Tamao said, "Can you see where we are out the side window? I can't get a good enough view." "You see life through distorted eyes, you know you had to learn," the young girl in the panda suit answered, "The execution of your mind, you really had to turn." "What?" Nagisa asked. "Okay," Shizuma said, "I think I speak for everyone here when I say you're started to creep us all out." Before Chiyo could respond, the three busses stopped in front of a large building. "Look," Tamao said cheerfully, "We've arrived." -A Few Moments Later- "Okay," Rokujou said authoritatively, "Is everyone here?" "Everyone from St. Spica is present," Toumori announced. "Same for St. Lulim," Chikaru said cheerfully. "And everyone's here from St. Miator," the Etoile announced, "So now we can..." "What is this that stands before me?" Chiyo asked as a figure emerged from the diocesan headquarters, "Figure in black which points at me..." "Chiyo-chan, calm down," Tsubomi said, "It's just a priest." "What's with your room temp?" Yaya asked Nagisa. "We don't know," the redhead admitted, "She was fine before the bus trip." "Ohshibaru says we need to get her to an exorcist," Kagome said, "Now!" "Hello," the priest said good-naturedly as he walked up to the group, "Are you sisters in need of some assistance?" "Yes Father," Shizuma spoke up as she walked forward, "We need to speak to Bishop Takahashi." "I see... Well, he's giving a press conference shortly, but I can see if he can spare a moment. Follow me," the priest said pleasantly, leading the way for the group to follow him into the large building. ------ At first, the Head Sister had feared that some sort of foul play had befallen the student council. When she realized several other students were missing, as well as a group of religious habits, she quickly put two and two together. Those crazy girls snuck off campus, probably in a foolish attempt to save the school. She was now behind the wheel of a beat up '86 Toyota racing to Okinawa, hoping to stop the girls from doing anything foolish. She understood why they were doing it, of course. And she was in a way even touched that they'd try to save the school like this. Of course, that wasn't about to stop her from ringing their little necks when she got her hands on them... -To Be Continued- -Epilogue- "Hi, Chikaru here again. The author wanted me to tell you all that the Black Sabbath songs Chiyo-chan quoted from were Supernaut, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, and Black Sabbath. Also, Krypfto gets credit for the title ‘teddy bear of the apocalypse' for Ohshibaru." "Next Chapter: Will Chiyo suffer any permanent damage from being exposed to evil devil music? Will Tsubomi ever get over the embarrassment of going out in public dressed as one of the characters from Gatchaman? What dark words of foreboding will Ohshibaru have for Kagome? And what the hell happens when the group of lesbian Catholic girls dressed as nuns finally gets to see the Bishop anyways? The answers to all... er, well... some of these questions at least, will be revealed next time; same Strawberry time, same Strawberry channel."
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