No more italics for Estrea. /cry/ Forgive me? This chapter is for RikkaXx who always leaves me such sweet feedback that I always blush. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Well wasn't that the shock of the night. I'm glad I hadn't listened to Sachiko all those times she had called to yell at me or I may have made a fool of myself. Though it is providing quite a bit of entertainment to see her so miffed with Shizuma for not having told her. "Every time I tried you were so angry at me for taking Youko's side. You wouldn't ever listen to me," Shizuma whispers under her breath as Sachiko glares at her. "So tell us about your engagement," Shimako, elegant as ever, says to break the awkward silence that has fallen over the table. "Oh it's nothing exciting," Miyuki responds. "It's just another of the million arranged marriages that happen. I'm sorry I hadn't told you sooner." "Well this is only the second time we've met," Yumi steps in as well to try to ease Miyuki of her embarassment. "It's not as if you've had much time or reason to." So much she has learned from Sachiko. Maybe even from Sei. I know she will make a wonderful Rosa Chinensis next year. I slide my hand back over to Miyuki's leg, no longer as the sexual play I had originally been talked into trying. Now it's meant as an honest comfort. I feel her jump at the touch before relaxing into it and putting her hand on top of my own. If only I had known we had so much in common. Dinner flows on smoothly from that point as the topics change every five minutes. Miyuki's engagement is quickly forgotten by everyone as Shimako once again leads the group into a discussion of the temple we stopped at today. Noriko comes alive at the subject, teaching us all of the contrasts between what we learn at school and what she believes in. The subject somehow flows into art, capturing Eriko's attention as well as Sei who tries to point out how literature so closely influences art. I listen to Miyuki as she opens herself up, giving her input on the subjects at hand. Her voice captivates me as well as the grace and intellect she puts into the things she says. No doubt that by the time dinner is done Miyuki is as well accepted by the group as Shizuma has come to be. By the time dinner ends we're all exhausted from the long day of travel and the excitement of dinner. As we are leaving I motion for Miyuki to ride along with me in Sei's car, willing to face the frightening driver for the chance to be close to Miyuki. Somehow she has come to intrigue me more than I had anticipated. When we get back to the hotel we make the arrangements for the morning. Sei of course will wake up early to return Miyuki to school before anyone will notice her absence. This way it will give her enough time to add the final touches to her part of the council speech and she can prepare herself for one of the biggest days of her life. "Ah I'll be bunking in with Rei and Yoshino tonight," Eriko says as we reach our floor in the hotel. Somehow this does not surprise me. Yoshino appears slightly peeved as she pulls Yumi and Noriko away to vent no doubt. Sachiko quickly retires and pulls Shizuma along with her. It's obvious she is still upset about her embarassment and we all know when Sachiko is peeved there's no stopping her until she runs out of steam. "Don't let her give you too much trouble. I'm thankful to you," I say to Shizuma before Sachiko slams the door shut on the rest of us who can't help but laugh at her over-reaction. "Shall we?" I ask Miyuki as everyone starts to scatter to their own rooms. "I guess this saves us the awkward sleeping situation," she says lightly as she sits down on one of the beds. I suppose it should have been obvious that leaving two women, who hardly know each other beyond sexual attraction, alone would leave room for some uncomfortable moments. Well no time like the present to show off the years of training I've had in social niceties. "Would you like some tea? I can never sleep without having a cup before bed. I made sure to bring some with me." "That would be nice," she says as she moves towards the small kitchenette. "I'll prepare the water for us." I begin to rummage through my bag and quickly spot the tea bags before moving to join her in the kitchen. I watch as she moves around and it almost looks as if she is shaking. Is she afraid? Is she hurting? I sigh inwardly. To hell with social niceties. "I think maybe you can understand better why I never spoke to you after that night then I had anticipated," I say as I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She tenses in my arms but I hold firm, feeling for a moment as Sei must when she flirts with unsuspecting girls. "I don't think I quite grasp what you're trying to say Youko." The feel of her body against mine mixed with my name falling from her lips reminds me of the attraction that is undeniable between us. Though I may have been drunk I couldn't have forgotten that night if I had tried. Nor could I forget the way she had kissed me with such intensity, telling me that I was the first to have ever touched her in that way. I wonder, am I still the only one? "I've known my place in life for several years. Much like you I will be engaged and married off to some wealthy man that I haven't a care for. Much like you I've no desire for that to happen but I know that my family won't support me forever and I'm not stupid enough to believe that I can stand on my own two feet as of yet. "Listen to your breathing Miyuki," I whisper in her ear as I tighten my arms around her. "We aren't even doing anything and yet your body wants it, needs it. Could you and I really be just friends? When is your marriage?" "I'll be married before summer is over." She hangs her head as the answer quietly falls from her lips. "And if we had kept in touch all these months and gotten to know each other would you be able to go through with that? Would your heart not grow bitter? This is why I have spent a lifetime perfecting avoidance of romance. I don't want anyone to fall for me much less to fall for anyone else when I know I will only have to dissapoint." "I was never angry with it. I would have never questioned you," she says as she steps out of my embrace. I watch as a single tear falls from her beautiful eyes. "I was happy enough to know that at least the first and only person who would ever kiss me wasn't Michiaki." "It seems they all want to push us together. I had even started to let myself agree and think that maybe we could just have a little fun together over the break and go our sepearte ways again. But I think it would be best if we keep our distance from each other after tonight, just in case any painful attachments try to form between us." She begins to laugh an honest laugh as she straightens herself and goes back to the tea preparation. "You're so methodical Youko. I suppose you're the type to have a solution for everything, aren't you?" "Maybe I am," I say. I'm glad we've moved on from the ugly subject and can still be normal. Another thing to admire about her. "I'm even going to get Sachiko out of her marriage." "Oh do tell. I'm sure Shizuma will fall over at your feet if you can save her that heartbreak." "It's a secret, and it's a high risk that I have to find out if Sachiko is willing to take. But let's just say I'm gonna play a little game and I have a good feeling I'll come out the winner." We sit to drink our tea and continue to talk about trivial things. I get her to give me her opinions on everyone. Some of which make me laugh more then I have in a long time. She asks about my studies and I happily tell her and in return she tells me of her trip overseas that she is giving up on due to lack of finding the right person to take along. I find myself hanging onto her every word and wanting to know as much of her life as I possibly can fit into my memory in one night. She offers the answers willingly to the questions I ask. Two hours pass and though I'm aching for sleep I know that come morning I will force myself to be nothing more then a cool and distant aquaintence to her. Finally I convince myself to at least let her sleep since I know that Sei will be ready to take her back to her school before the sun has even come up. We change awkardly with our backs to each other and climb into our seperate beds and I remind myself to thank Eriko in the morning even if things didn't turn out as everyone hoped. It should have been expected that I would be too logical to let myself get carried away. Minutes continue to pass and I wonder if she is laying in bed as restless as I am. I hear her sheets rustle and try to strain my eyes in the dark to see her. I fail, but her voice makes up for my loss. "After tonight you won't show any affection for me, whether you feel it or not, right?" "Right." I hear the sheets rustling again and assume she has turned herself away from me. How frustrating that the only person to even come close to catching my attention since high school is so close even though I can't allow myself to do anything about it. Just as I feel my frustration rising I feel her fumbling in the dark to find my bed. "If this is the last night you will ever let your guard down, then let me remember what it's like to feel the touch of a woman before it's too late for me to ever feel this way again." My mind races as I feel her climbing in next to me. Everything tells me to stop her. I know better then this. Her fingers trace my jaw as she finds my lips in the dark and kisses me. My arms wrap around her body as I pull her into me, abandoning logic and reasoning. How could I ever refuse such an honest request? ---- We didn't sleep and I didn't care. I know she means to stand by what she said about not showing affection for me after the night was over. We kissed, touched, and talked about the things we had never shared with anyone else before. It didn't matter anymore. She will never acknowledge it, and I will never ask her to break her resolve again. Our goodbye this morning was almost one of two people who knew they would never see each other again and I suppose it's almost true. I would never see the real Youko again and she would never see the real me again. We will be friends, sending holiday cards and running into each other on special occasions. Nothing less and nothing more. In a few hours I will graduate and leave the life I know behind. My room is already almost empty as I've had all my belongings sent to my family to hold until I start university. If I even go. Michiaki has made it clear that he doesn't see why I need a higher education when he will be there to support me. I make my way through the day more numb about the whole process than I had expected. I visit Tamao and Nagisa who greet me a tearful goodbye over lunch. Shion, Chikaru and I all prepare our speeches for the students and visitors. An hour before the ceremony is set to begin my parents show up with Michiaki and his parents as well. He flirts shamlessly with me, teasing me about my pretty friends and how they still don't compare to me. He's full of it and he knows it but I can see that he wants to impress our families with the affections he is bestowing upon me. I play along just as I should, as I always have, blushing and thanking him for his kind words. Not long after the others show up. AFter greeting them all and making introductions I watch as Youko's face betrays nothing as Michiaki holds his arm around my waist protectively. Just as expected. My heart sinks yet I too betray nothing of the night we shared and the longing I have to touch her once more. I'm thankful when the time comes for me to leave them behind and join the other students for the procession. Everything goes as smoothly as planned and I manage not to falter as I give my speech to not only the students of all three schools but to everyone attending as well. I talk about the many things I've learned, the many people that have come into my life and what a wonderful experience my time at Miator was. Chikaru and Shion's versions are much the same and aimed at expressing their joy for having attended their respective schools. Throughout it all I find myself growing anxious with the need to escape Astrea and the confines of the place that has held me content for so many years. Once the ceremony is over I find myself seeking out my new friends as quickly as possible hoping that they will accompany me in the misery that awaits me in the form of my family teamed up with Michiaki's. Needless to say Michiaki found me first and didn't bother to hesitate about throwing his arms around me and twirling me around as if I was some little girl who just won first place. Much to my surprise he kisses me. Nothing lingering but enough to shock me as I felt his stuble against my own skin. A horrible contrast to the softness of Youko's skin. As fate would have it they all find me just as he is kissing me. Well and why not? Just another thing to help Youko distance herself from me. Another reason to pretend nothing exists. "I can't believe you're leaving for so long just as I was finally able to have you," Michiaki says with a general look of concern that surprises me. Has he convinced himself that he actually cares about me? "I'm sorry, I'll be back in no time," I promise. Our families squeal in delight to see us getting along so well and I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat as I see Youko walking away out of the corner of my eye. My parents don't say especially much. They never have. Why reward me with praise for doing well when it is what I'm meant to do anyways? There are some more hugs and well wishes but it doesn't take long for them to get the hint that the ten or so girls standing around waiting for me are ready to wisk me away. A few minutes later Michiaki has kindly convinced all family members on both sides that it's time for me to celebrate my freedom with my friends before I have to settle down. Settle down. What does that even mean? Sei is surprisingly the first of the Lillian girls to tackle me with a hug. Yumi stands close to her, clearly much more shy than her older companion. Eriko follows and though she doesn't say much I can see her approval of me in her eyes. Rei shakes my hand awkwardly, almost gentlemanly, and I fight off a giggle as I remember Youko telling me how feminine she truly is. Yoshino hugs me with elegance and again I remember learning of her being the tomboy in her relationship with Rei. Finally it's Shimako and Noriko, who I feel are the greatest mystery left in the group. Though I believe it's quite possible that Shimako is one true lady of us all. "Welcome to our strange eccentric family," she says as she hugs me. I can't help but find myself blush a little at the sudden swell of friends I seem to have in my life. Noriko also offers her congratulations though she refrains from the awkward hug. "Ready for the best two weeks of your life?" Shizuma asks as she steals my attention from the others and hugs me to her. Everyone around echos the sentiment and I'm sure that as long as I'm around them things are bound to be interesting. There's only one problem. My eyes seek out Youko again and finally find her talking to Sachiko in the distance. If only Shizuma knew of the things that have happened. "Best two weeks of my life huh?" "Anything you want." Her eyes lock with mine and I'm thankful for the fact that I've known her so long. Again my eyes flick back to Youko, who is finally making her way over to me along with Sachiko. After all it would look weird if she was the only one who didn't bother to congratulate me. "We have a lot to talk about then." It comes out as a whisper so no one else can hear. She doesn't have a chance to answer as Youko gives me a cold, relucant hug. I look over her shoulder at Shizuma who's eyes sparkle at the thought of doing something reckless. I know, it's a look I've seen her wear many times before. This is just the first time that my own look has mirrored it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Whew this is really getting out of control. I know some of you may think that I pushed it a bit with the interaction with Miyuki/Youko in the hotel but I think it was appropraite. Hopefully you don't think I rushed it. Wonder what'll happen when they all go back to Lillian...
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