“Hey. Hey, hey! Get up, you lazy girl.”
Momomi groaned as someone stripped her blankets away, hugging her own body tightly. “Cold…”
“Yeah, yeah. Just get up, already. This isn’t a good day to be late up.”
“You could be a little more kind, you know.” Momomi sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes, slightly amused to see Kaname firmly facing the wall. That’s good, I think. I want her notice when I’m half-naked.
“Are you ever kind?” Kaname demanded.
“Yeah, well. I’m never so cruel on such a cold morning…”
“It’s not going to get warmer if you stay in the blankets, you know.”
“I know,” Momomi replied, smirking and wrapping her arms round her knees. “I was hoping you could pass me my clothes so I could change beneath the covers, that’s all.”
“What am I, your mother? I’m not going to spoil you, you know…”
“Really? Too bad. I wouldn’t mind being spoiled from time to time.” Momomi stood and brushed herself off, putting a hand on her hip casually. “Now, you go and wash yourself. I’ll pick out your clothes, okay?”
“I can do that myself, you know,” Kaname grumbled, glancing over her shoulder.
“Oh, come on. I have a better eye for it. Besides, it’ll make me happy.” Momomi grinned. “Let me do this for you, for me?”
“That doesn’t even make sense… but whatever.” Kaname flushed and turned away. “Don’t dress me in anything stupid. And no skirts, okay. I don’t do skirts.”
“I didn’t even buy any for you,” Momomi teased. “You’re right. You don’t do skirts.” She watched her girlfriend walk away, tapping her cheek thoughtfully with her free hand. Is it perverted to think that she looks good in just her underclothes? Not in a sexual way, but the intimacy of it…the way she’s so ruffled and raw and herself, unguarded, just after she gets up… and that’s something she isn’t afraid to show me, even though she knows I look on her as more than a friend…or something. I don’t know. She cocked her head, smiling gently. I like it anyway. When she’s so bashful and embarrassed, that probably makes me a bad person. She dismissed the thought, walking over to their much-expanded wardrobe and flicking through a few of the hangers on Kaname’s side.
This would be a lot easier if I had a better idea of the program…oh, well. Just something that goes well with anything, I suppose. And something warm. Don’t forget that. She ended up picking out jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and a dark blue hoodie, folding them neatly and placing them on Kaname’s bed. For herself, leggings, a knee-length white skirt, a white blouse and a crème-coloured jumper. She stuck those under her arm and picked up her comb from the table, waiting for Kaname to come out. I guess that makes me the ‘girl’ in our relationship… no surprises there. It’s just funny that I’m the one who always takes the initiative, when that’s the case. I suppose the moral of the story is that gender roles mean nothing when the ‘man’ has no balls. Literally and figuratively. I don’t think I have the patience or inclination to conform to my role. It’s more fun to make Kaname just a little embarrassed, but going along with things all the same…when I went through the stress of the first confession, I think I deserve the subsequent teasing. It makes things more fun. And I’m sure Kaname likes it too, even if she’d never actually admit that to me. She’s not very honest…Momomi smiled. In that respect, too, she’s very like stereotype’s man, though she’d hate it if I told her that.
Kaname came out, frowning at her. “Not dressed yet?”
“Shush. Just get dressed yourself.” Momomi prodded her on the shoulder as she walked past. “And don’t come in here under any circumstances, okay?”
Kaname shrugged. “Sure. Whatever.”
Momomi wondered whether she had imagined eyes following her every movement as she walked in and closed the door. She didn’t move her head to check. After all, the girl should play cool. No, I’m not playing by those rules, am I? But I’ll stay cool, all the same, until I find an entertaining moment to unbalance her. This will be done my way, and it won’t be boring, either…I wonder whether Kaname knows exactly what she’s let herself in for? She placed her clothes in the corner of the bathroom and started to wash her face.
“So, what’s the program?”
Momomi poured herself a glass of water. “I’m not sure. Do you have any ideas?”
“Nope. I’d kinda presumed that you’d have it all figured out. You’re the forwards-planner, after all.”
“Well, I didn’t plan.” Momomi took out her toothbrush and applied paste. “How about you? You’re the spontaneous one, and that’s the situation we’re in right now.”
“I don’t know,” Kaname said guardedly. “I could come up with something. But we should sort out the financial thing first. You know we’d only argue about it afterwards if we don’t.”
“Talking it out now, is it?” Momomi asked. “That almost feels too mature for us. We normally just leave it until the last moment then have a shouting contest.”
A chuckle. “Well, this is what couples do, isn’t it?”
“Mature couples,” Momomi corrected. “At our age, we’re supposed to have shouting contests, break up after two weeks and then angst for about a month about how our life has ended and no one understands are pain.”
“Yeah, well. I’ve never been keen on stereotypes, you know. Let’s try for a little more than that, shall we?”
“You know, I agree. But how far things go, that’s your call, though.” Momomi smiled. “We had a pretty stereotypical start, so I’m hoping for a less cliché continuation.”
“We’ll see. But that’s not the point. The way I see it, I should pay for today. You paid for the last time.”
“With my parents money, which I’m glad to waste,” Momomi pointed out. “I still have some left, burning a hole in my conscience.”
“Even so. It’s your money. You can’t expect me to just sit back and do nothing, you know. I still owe you.”
“I’m not bothered. You don’t owe me anything.” Momomi sighed. “Seriously. Besides, isn’t it more fun to splurge on our first few dates?”
“I have my pride, you know.”
“Your pride is so difficult.” Momomi sighed. “Fine. Fifty-fifty?”
“I told you. I owe you for last time.”
“Yeah, well. You don’t have much in the way of spending money, so I don’t want you using your lunch money out of pride. I’m the same, considering I won’t go begging to my parents. We might as well spend the money we do have first…”
A sigh. “Well, I know that. But still… I’m not going to be the kind of person who coasts on the richer partner’s money, you know. I’m not ever going to be that kind of person.”
“I know that, you idiot,” Momomi said affectionately. “You’re too proud. How about this… I’ll pay for now, and you can keep track of the number of times that happens. After that, you can treat me to an equal number when I’m through.”
“Fine… but I’ll be holding you to that.”
“Of course. I will hold you to your promises, you know.” Momomi smiled. “Now shut up and let me finish up here, okay? Stop distracting me.”
“Fine.”
And the dates you’ll be paying for will have to be fairly modest affairs. I’d better make sure we spend less time to break her into it. Well, it only matters if we last that long…Momomi shook her head. I can’t think like that. I don’t know how this will go, but I need to believe that it will last. If I can’t do that even this early, we really will be screwed.
She cleaned her teeth then dressed quickly, letting everything fall into place. It felt strangely liberating to be wearing something, anything but Spica’s school uniform. After that she brushed her hair, working out all the tangles. She frowned at the mirror and turned her comb back and forth, trying to work out exactly where to brush to add the final touches. After a while, she gave up, putting the comb down and looking at her reflection in the mirror. Not bad. Not the face that launched a thousand ships, but I think I could put the wind in the sails of a frigate or two, which is about all you can expected of someone my age. She cocked her head, running a hand through her hair one last time before walking out the door. “Okay, I’m done.”
“You took your sweet time, didn’t you?” Kaname was in her cool-girl pose, opening her eyes and looking up.
“Sorry. But I’m a perfectionist.” Momomi swept her eyes over her friend. “As I expected, you look good in that.”
“Thanks,” Kaname replied, flushing slightly. “You too…”
“Of course. I chose the clothes, didn’t I?”
Kaname smiled. “You’re arrogant, aren’t you? It’s more the fact that you’re wearing the clothes.”
Momomi felt her insides twist slightly. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. “Was that a compliment from you?” she asked, covering herself. “I’m amazed…”
“Not particularly. Choosing clothes is a skill, but good looks is a matter of chance. Not something you earned.”
Momomi laughed. “Now, now, Kaname… you should never say that to a lady. They get annoyed, because they struggle and toil for hours every day to achieve those good looks you blithely dismiss as chance.”
“Yeah, well. That may be so. But you don’t.”
Momomi frowned. “Well, I suppose so. But now you can’t expect me to do so in future, now can you?”
Kaname laughed. “I guess so. I’m going to regret those words when you come out in rashes and spots as a teen, aren’t I?”
“Oh, come on. Being a teenager has bad karma as it is,” Momomi scoffed. “I don’t need you jinxing things for me even further.”
“Sorry. I wonder whether that’ll happen to you, though…” Kaname frowned. “I mean, it’s hard to imagine that could ever have happened to the Etoiles, for example.”
“I wonder. But it wouldn’t surprise me, as such…” Momomi grinned. “Cygnets become swans, after all. Don’t write anyone off too soon.”
“Hmm. Not even Shion?”
“Not even Shion.” Momomi frowned thoughtfully. “Well, except for the forehead. She’s probably stuck with that for good.”
“We’re so unkind to her. And if it’s me saying that, things really are bad…”
“She’s a tough girl, she can take. To be honest, I think she enjoys the attention.” Momomi opened the wardrobe again, taking out their coats. “Here. I’m sure it’ll be cold out.”
“You’re probably right.” Kaname caught the coat and shrugged it on. “Honestly, snow at Christmas or the feverish summertime… those are the best times for romance, right? Not the miserable spiral of autumn into winter.”
“Hmm? You make it sound like you’re the one who reads my books.” Momomi shrugged her coat on and opened the door. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before Shion catches us and drags us into something…”
“I’m more worried about her stalking us. I swear she was in those bushes…”
“I thought something similar, but I’m sure we’re being paranoid.”
“That’s just what she wants you to think,” Kaname warned.
Momomi giggled. “Yes, yes. And she doesn’t want us to know she’s a ninja from an ancient clan, either. Come on, let’s go.” She walked out the door. “Now, let’s do our last minute planning. What do we want to do?”
“Tennis?”
“You’d murder me.”
“Okay… swimming?”
Momomi smiled. “Nice try. How about something that actually involves leaving the school?”
“The pool’s reserved for the swimming team. But there is a leisure centre on the far side of time. I’ve been there a few times.” Kaname frowned. “Though we haven’t brought our swimming stuff…”
“Honestly, do you expect me to go on a date in the school swimsuits?” Momomi frowned. “No, wait… we can go shopping for swimsuits, and then go swimming! How about that?”
“Oh, god. You mean more clothes shopping?”
“Not clothes shopping, bikini shopping! Completely different!” Momomi grinned. “Besides, swimming is more your kind of thing. This way it’s fairer.”
“Aren’t we a bit young for this kind of thing?”
“There’s no such thing. Call this practise for when we’re older!”
Kaname laughed. “Practise, eh? You know, that’s what my mother would call this, after she’d stopped being disgusted. Girl-girl romance as a dress rehearsal for real relationships, that’s a common concept here.”
“If those kind of attitudes are correct, I’m going to feel pretty stupid, aren’t I?” Momomi laughed. “I don’t think so, though. Either way, we might as well have fun.”
“I guess so.” Kaname glanced at her. “You can swim, right!”
“Yes, I can, damnit.” Momomi pouted. “We have a twenty-five meter indoor pool at home, you know. Mostly for having, my family aren’t big at swimming either.”
Kaname sighed. “What a luxurious attitude… I would have killed for one at home. Literally. I loved it when I got to go, but those occasions were few and far between.”
“Yeah. My family are rich bastards, right enough.” Momomi nodded. “Shopping then swimming, though. It’s settled. We’ll have to eat, though. Shall we have breakfast in the canteen?”
Kaname shook her head. “I think it’d be better if we ate in town.”
Momomi glanced at her. “Okay, I guess.”
Kaname was looking elsewhere, silent for a few moments.
Momomi frowned, watching her trade girls with some first years. “What’s up?”
“Say, yesterday, did you get any… attention, from people.” Kaname shrugged. “You know, Amane-fangirl types.”
“Oh, right… yeah. A bit. Staring and stuff.” Momomi laughed. “And this one girl came up to me in the corridor and told me I was a dirty slut who didn’t deserve Amane-sama’s attention. Her words.”
“What?” Kaname snapped. “She said that? Who? I’ll bloody kill her for-”
Momomi put a hand on her arm, smiling. “Let me finish. I was going to say, so I laughed all the way to Geography.”
“Even so, no one has the right to talk to you like that.” Kaname snorted. “She’ll pay for that. That’s part of my pride, too.”
“Oh, stuff your pride, you big oaf,” Momomi said affectionately. “I told you, it doesn’t worry me. This stuff will blow over after a while. I’ve been called worse on a daily basis, back in the day.”
“By me,” Kaname noted, smiling at the memory.
“Well, I was going to say by my father. But you, too.” Momomi shrugged. “Well, it’s kinda annoying, but I’m thick-skinned. In a way, it’s flattery. It shows that people want to be me.”
“Yeah, well. That’s annoying as well.” Kaname sighed. “It’s all Amane’s fault. If she hadn’t done something so unnecessary, we wouldn’t have to deal with this crap.”
“It’s fine,” Momomi said. “Amane can do what she likes, and we will too. We don’t care what these people say, right?”
“I suppose so. But still-”
“Are you really that bothered by the crowds?” Momomi teased. “You’re more sensitive than even I’d suspected…”
“I’m cool with it,” Kaname replied firmly. “I could care less. But you’ll have it worse, and if you do get upset, I will hold people responsible. Whoever did it, and Amane too.”
“Well, I let Amane do this, you know,” Momomi pointed out. “I can make my own decisions.”
“Even so, she should be more careful…”
“I’ll bear responsibility.” Momomi folded her arms. “I’m smart enough to know what I’m doing, okay? So leave Amane out of this.”
Kaname looked at her, then shrugged. “Fine. If you insist. But don’t expect me to just take it if things get worse, okay?”
“They’ll get better. People have short attention spans, they’ll get bored eventually.” Momomi spoke with more confidence than she felt. I hope so, anyway. If things do get worse before they get better, and they get bad enough for Kaname to get angry, it’d be a problem. “But I suppose there’s no point in telling you not to hurt anyone?”
“No point at all,” Kaname grunted. “That’s not negotiable.”
“I thought so.” Momomi sighed. “You’re very troublesome, though.”
“This is the one way I’ll spoil you. Enjoy it.” Kaname smiled at her. “After all, you can’t defend yourself.”
“I guess so,” Momomi agreed, smiling back. But I suppose I wouldn’t change things even if I could. It’s her kind of caring, and I appreciate it.
It took them some time to get to town, talking about nothing in particular. The main recurring topic with Amane, who came up so much that Momomi wasn’t quite sure whether she should be flattered of Kaname’s jealousy or jealous herself. But that doesn’t bother me too much. More importantly, I’m in Kaname’s company again, aiming to have a fun day with her, and this time we have the all-important couple status. Mostly. I’m not going to think too hard about the caveats and problems and weaknesses and everything else right now. I’m not in the mood. Right now, all we have to is enjoy things, and let things come as they come. That, in itself, is a luxury I intend to relish. She watched Kaname, smiling. She really is quite beautiful, in a rough-edged kind of way. I’m amazed no one else tried to date her, but I guess her personality was quite the obstacle to most people. It surprises me that no one can see past her façade and notice just how vulnerable she really is. To be honest, it’s not the best façade ever. But I suppose no one thought to look that close, in the same way I haven’t bothered to look at most of them. How I despair of mankind…but it can’t be helped. No, this is good in a way. I get her all to myself.
“What’s up?” Kaname asked, glancing at her.
Momomi shook her head innocently. “Nothing.”
They stepped into the town proper. Momomi looked around then took Kaname’s arm in her own, smirking.
“What are you doing?”
“What do you think?” Momomi asked. “I’m making sure everyone knows that you’re my Kaname.”
“That’s rather the problem…” Kaname sighed as she gripped tighter. “Don’t you find it awkward?”
“Not really. You know how I am.” Momomi sighed. “I’ll stop if you insist, though.”
“No. It’s alright.” Kaname flushed slightly then recovered her poise. “Oh, well. I’m sure this town has seen a lot worse in its time…”
“I’ll bet,” Momomi agreed. “I’d do this anywhere, though. It’s not like I’m ashamed of it.”
“Yeah, well. Pride is good. It’s just that it’ll get you stabbed in some places.” Kaname sighed deeply. “This isn’t an ideal world.”
“Well, I’ll worry about that when it becomes relevent.” Momomi shrugged. “Besides, this could be construed as platonic. Just about.”
“Yeah, well. People aren’t very charitably minded…” Kaname laughed. “I wonder what they’d all say, if they heard that I was dating another girl. All those nutjobs back home.”
“More or less the same thing my family would say if they knew,” Momomi replied.
“Yeah. My lot would be less eloquent, though. But they’d both be violent.” Kaname shook her head. “When you think about it, speaking purely subjectively, it isn’t easy to live like this, is it? Society is a pretty static thing.”
“Well, neither of us are good at easy, are we?” Momomi smiled. “But it’s not like you to talk like that. You should know how pointless it is to dwell on the what-ifs. For me, at least, this-”
“-is who I am,” Kaname finished. “I know. But I’ve come a long way from where I came from. I suppose that was the point of coming here at all.”
“What are you going to do? When you graduate, or whatever?” Momomi asked curiously. “Go back there.”
“Not for preference. But I don’t know. I don’t think so far ahead, but I do know that places like that have a gravity to them. Dragging you in.”
“Oh? You’ve always made it sound like more of a repulsive force…”
“It’s a gravity of the mind, because it gets into your head. In the end, you’re trapped in that kind of life. That’s why equality of opportunity will always be a joke, I guess.” Kaname shrugged. “People’s minds are difficult to deal with.”
“Well, you managed to come here, didn’t you? Isn’t that a good example of upward mobility?”
“Somewhat. But I didn’t do well here, for a variety of reasons… but one of them was the kind of person I am.” Kaname looked away thoughtfully. “I’m not absolving myself of responsibility. But still, my there and your there are pretty different.”
“The main thing in common being the fact that both of us want to be here, not there.” Momomi chuckled sadly. “Quite the pair, aren’t we?”
“Yeah. Well, we should probably talk about happier things.”
They went to a different café this time, eating a quick and cheap western breakfast. Momomi was saddened by the loss of a good chance to feed Kaname, but there was always lunchtime. And every other lunchtime ever, more or less. If nothing else, she can motivate me to study…She settled for toying with Kaname’s hand after they’d finished eating, rubbing her thumb over the knuckles and watching the girl blush. I guess this is a kind of studying too. Working out what’s fun to do, what works, where the lines are…I guess that’s the point of being a couple. It makes a lot more possible.
“It doesn’t look like we’re the only ones here from Astraea,” Kaname observed.
Momomi looked around and nodded. “Yeah. Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“I wonder how many are couples, how many are friends, and how many are friends pretending to be couples…”
“As cynical as ever, I see.”
“Hey, I’m just telling it the way it is,” Kaname replied. “Let’s face it, the Etoiles kinda started a trend.”
“It seems like an odd thing to fake…” Momomi murmured.
“You know how people are. I’ll bet you half of these girls will be in normal marriages by the end.”
“Kaname too?” Momomi asked teasingly.
“Who knows?” Kaname smirked. “As far as I can tell, for my big dramatic this-is-who-I-am, I can play for both teams.”
“That’s pretty convenient.”
“It’s bloody weird, but I guess I’m not complaining now I’ve got the hang of it.” Kaname smiled. “But yeah. My options are open. I don’t see myself as the marriage kind of person, though.”
“I’ll bet. You’d make a terrible wife.”
“Well, thanks… you, on the other hand, would make a great wife. If it wasn’t for one small particular, that is.”
Momomi laughed. “Well, quite. I’d be a great wife to a guy who didn’t expect me to do anything for him, with him or on his behalf.”
“I think even I’m a great wife under those conditions…”
“I guess so.” Momomi made a face. “Let’s see… Kariya? Serané?”
“One would commit homicide and the other would… hmm… I’m not sure.” Kaname frowned. “Perhaps have a bunch of affairs with the maids. She wouldn’t take it lying down… except with girls.”
Momomi giggled. “My, my. You have a dirty side, too.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m a teenager, too.” Kaname grinned. “But still, it is a funny thought. Somehow, I can’t imagine those two being domesticated. They’re too, well, too them.”
“I know. It’s a little encouraging.” Momomi smiled. “That’s why they’re called the Etoiles, right?”
“I suppose so. I don’t put much stock by that stuff, though. If you ask me, people find their own stars.”
Momomi smiled. “Quite the romantic, aren’t we?”
“Not really.”
Momomi chuckled and rooted through her purse, taking out the money necessary to pay. “In any case, we’d better get on. Do you want to swim before or after lunch?”
Kaname shrugged. “Before, I guess. They say you shouldn’t eat on a full stomach, after all.”
Momomi stood and put her coat on. “You’re right. That’s as good a reason as any for going, I suppose.”
“Right.” Kaname followed suit, walking round the table and taking Momomi’s arm.
Momomi blinked and glanced up at her, but Kaname just shrugged and started to walk. Momomi smiled and walked beside her. She’s warm. It’s a good feeling. She’s strong, too, or stronger than me anyway. It’s a comforting thing.
“So, how long is this shopping thing going to take?” Kaname demanded.
Momomi shrugged. “Who knows? That depends on how long it takes to find the right thing…” And those red eyes, too. I don’t know who has red eyes, but she does. I like it. It suits her, dangerous but strong. They suit her when she’s filled with resolve, but the blood turns to water when she’s wrapped in the wavering uncertainty that’s very much her. And now I can look her in the eyes, too, and I don’t have to be afraid.
“Fine. Don’t be too much of a perfectionist, already.”
“Don’t worry. There’s not much chance of anything being perfect on you.”
Kaname laughed. “The same to you, but I take your point. Don’t forget it, that’s all.”
“I’ll remember. I could hardly forget.” Momomi grinned. And her laugh, too. She doesn’t laugh a lot, but that just makes it more pleasant when she does hear it.
“And remember, this is my favour to you, okay? I still don’t like clothes shopping. That hasn’t changed.”
“All the more reason for me to work on that,” Momomi replied. “Couples are supposed to share their interests, right?”
“That doesn’t mean you can walk over me, either! Sharing means more than making me play dress-up, you know.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Momomi closed her eyes. “So how about you choose mine, then?”
“What? That doesn’t even make sense… shouldn’t we choose our own?”
“That’s boring. Besides, everyone knows that this stuff is selected for other people, not yourself.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want to know what you’ll be forcing on me.”
“Oh, don’t worry. It’ll be decent. I don’t want anyone staring too hard at my Kaname, after all.”
“How fast the possessives slip in to conversation…”
“The same way you talk about protecting me, you mean?” Momomi teased.
Kaname smirked and shrugged, closing her eyes. “I guess so. It can’t be helped, now can it?”
“Hmm. I like it.”
They walked into the nearest clothes store. Momomi lead the way with some confidence, threading her way through the aisles and arriving in the enlarged girlswear’s section. However, while there was plenty in the way of underwear swimsuits were distinctly on the thin side. To the point of absence. Momomi looked around with increasing desperation, then sighed and stuck her hands in her pockets. “Okay. I should have thought of that earlier.”
Kaname shrugged. “Well, I didn’t either, if that’s any consolation.”
“Winter and swimming costumes don’t go together, I guess. This is the fault of our unromantic timing, like you mentioned earlier.”
“Well, we can try another store.”
“I guess so,” Momomi agreed half-heartedly. She turned and headed out. “But still, this is a definite argument in favour of forwards-planning, don’t you think?”
“It could be worse,” Kaname replied diplomatically. “Well, from my perspective, things could have gone according to plan.”
Momomi laughed weakly. “All the same, that’s quite a screw-up for our first proper date, isn’t it?”
“I think that’s a good sign. Serané talked about these things.” Kaname frowned. “Something about how a bad date is always from a safe pair of hands. The worse can of man always has it well organised, after all. Well, I guess a bad date as a result of a second girlfriend turning up is the exception to that rule…”
“Is that a danger for us?” Momomi asked, smiling.
“Only if Amane shows.” Kaname winced as Momomi punched her casually on the shoulder. “Ouch. This is why you’re in no danger from me, you know. One girl is more than I can handle, forget two.”
Momomi laughed. “Don’t make me sound too horrible… but what are we going to do now?”
“Who knows?” Kaname shrugged. “Well, I’m getting tired of standing up. So let’s rest at the park, shall we?”
“Alright.” Momomi flushed and smiled. “Really… what is it they say about best-laid plans?”
“We invent plans to discard them,” Kaname replied easily. “We’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again, right?”
“Sounds very… unreliable.”
“Well, yeah. But aren’t things more fun that way?”
They ended up side by side on a park bench, looking at each other under a cold wind. Momomi felt her lips quirk into a smile. “Well, here we are…”
Kaname nodded.
“You know, I’m still surprised.” Momomi’s gaze dropped a little. “When I first realised that I had feelings for you, I never dared imagine that they’d be returned…”
“When I found out you had feelings for you, I never dared imagine that I’d be able to return them.” Kaname shrugged and smiled. “I think the lesson to take home from all this is that we’re less smart than we like to think.”
“Or that common sense is indeed anything but,” Momomi agreed. “Still, though… things have changed very fast. It’s hard to believe.”
“That’s how people work. We’re an adaptive species. We can get used to almost anything.” Kaname sighed. “Well, I guess we should know…”
“Accepting the bad, failing to appreciate the good, all that. I know what you mean.” Momomi ran a finger down her chin thoughtfully. “Romance is odd because it can break that. By all accounts, people our age can lose all sense of proportions over this stuff.”
Kaname glanced at her seriously. “Sometimes I think it’d be fun to feel like that, when times are good. But stable emotions are better, I suppose.”
“Yeah. Well, you’re not very stable at the best of times…” Momomi smiled nervously. This was a bad time to realise that Kaname’s face was very close, her eyes very serious.
“Are you any different?” Kaname leaned forwards and prodded Momomi on the nose. “That’s what I like about you. We’re different and similar at the same time. Interesting and relaxing. That should be a contradiction, but it isn’t. Somehow.”
Momomi chuckled. “Somehow… you’re right, of course. I get the sense that this shouldn’t work, that it isn’t meant to work, but somehow it does.”
“Exactly.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, both acutely aware of an increasingly awkward atmosphere. “It really is cold out,” Kaname murmured.
“You’re right,” Momomi replied distractedly. Her gaze dropped slightly, focusing on Kaname’s lips. She remembered herself and looked up again. “I’m glad we brought coats.”
“Yeah.”
Kaname looked equally distracted. Momomi tried to find something to say. “You know… I’ve always wondered, if you were looking for something in life, one thing, what would it be?”
Kaname frowned slightly, her smooth lips contracting. “You mean my purpose in life? Something like that?”
“I guess so.” Momomi shrugged and smiled awkwardly. The red eyes were intense, marbles running with blood. “You know, I’ve never really believed in a meaning of life, but people live in a certain way, aiming for something or other- unless that’s just me.”
“Yeah.” Kaname nodded slightly. “I know what you mean.”
“For me, well, I’m not sure.” Pale skin, red eyes, seashell pink lips… “I guess it’d be freedom,” Momomi said hurriedly. “Of a kind. I always wanted to know something or have something or believe in something that wasn’t forced on me.
Kaname just nodded again.
“It’s not a matter of guilt,” Momomi explained. “Nothing like misplaced nobility. The poor won’t be fed if I starve myself. But for me, as a child, and it’s a childish thing, I did want that. I still want that. To be able to touch something and say this is mine, and mine alone.”
“There are worse aspirations,” Kaname observed quietly.
“I don’t know…”
“For me, it was something similar.” Those red eyes transfixed her. “Never something I thought too hard about, never something I’d admit, but even when I came here, in a way that was to make a distance from the past.” Kaname smiled gently. “We must be quite weird, to think that way.”
“Probably,” Momomi agreed. It’s like an enchantment.
“And a sense of belonging, after that. Even when I had independent things here, it didn’t mean anything. Until you came and believed in me.”
No. That’s wrong. I want to fall under this spell…so I’ll let myself fall into its warm embrace. “Kaname…” Momomi tried to find the words, then gave up. Her face was too close, her breath too warm, they were to completely alone in this little corner of the park where no one watched or stirred. “Do you want to try it?”
Kaname just nodded, leaning forwards slightly.
Momomi leaned in as well, heart racing. Her hair was getting in her face so she pulled it from her eyes with one hand. She had to twist her spine awkwardly and lean across her own body, and she wasn’t quite sure whether you were supposed to close your eyes before or after you’d made contact. Presumably the latter, otherwise you’d miss. Even as it was, it was difficult to align herself with a taller Kaname, especially with the other girl coming closer as well. Blood was pounding through her ears, setting her skin on fire. Her breath came faster and her whole body felt like it was just short of shock. And somehow, on some level, she couldn’t believe that she was doing this. Their noses bumped together awkwardly, their faces not quite fitting. Momomi raised her other hand and steadied Kaname’s cheek, their lips meeting clumsily. It was a brief, tentative touch, uncertain and ephemeral, like a blossom of frost. Something so barely tangible and there that you wondered whether it had ever been. All the same, for a single moment, she swore her heart stopped beating, or else beat so fast it whined.
She pulled away, rubbing her nose and smiling awkwardly. “Well, that was… I enjoyed it, though…”
Kaname was breathing fast, her face flushed, her eyes soft as coral. “Yeah. Me too…”
Momomi wondered whether she looked so raw and vulnerable. “Feels like we have a way to go, though… want to try again?”
Kaname nodded mutely, placing a hand on Momomi’s cheek. They leaned in once more.
Back to Astraea Lake Index - Back to Strawberry Panic Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction