Sylvester passed by and a new year began. The whole world celebrated and the whole Sailor Team, too. January flew by and took away the snow. But the weather kept cold and dark. The sky was still grey and life simply went on. Slowly Haruka’s morning nausea disappeared. The whole January she prayed to the porcelain god every morning and Michiru held her tight every morning to prevent that her girlfriend would faint and hurt herself. Slowly her belly arched and at the end of January her trousers didn’t fit anymore. Haruka had always worn narrow jeans and now she needed adjustable clothes. Still she looked like a normal young woman and only Michiru could see her belly growing when she was naked. Every time they shared a long shower she stroke over the soft skin and realized that there was indeed a small being sleeping tight in her girlfriend’s belly. **** “That can’t be your seriousness!” Haruka looked calm into the red face of her manager, heard his raging words. He opened and clenched his fists while he walked up and down the small room. “We all count on you. The whole team! You’re the hope of Japan to become the World’s Champion – as you’ve been it the past two years! Hell, you can’t...” Haruka shook her head, then she rose from her chair and smiled understanding at him. “I know how you must feel, Tsuakasa- san. But I won’t be able to win it the next season. Maybe I’ll do it again the next year.” Or I’ll never ever do it again... She swallowed hard and wrapped her jacket closer around her still freezing body. She was relieved that it was still cold outside and that she was able to wear wide clothes. Dark clothes. So that no one could mention her state of body. No one who wasn’t supposed to get to know about it. “Will you have a dangerous operation, Tenô-san? Because that’s the only thing I would accept for you simply giving up!” Her manager yelled at her but she knew that he would never beat her. He was simply scared about her strange behaviour. And disappointed because she had been indeed the hope of whole Japan. “I hope it won’t be that dangerous.” Haruka shook his hand and bowed slightly. She knew she would return to the race track one day. But not tomorrow and certainly not the next season. “Because I’ll have to give birth to a child in summer.” With those words she turned away and left her manager’s room. The boxes. The arena. What she left behind was a confused looking man. And silence. *** “What a cold day!” Michiru shivered and wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck while they walked over the big parking space towards the hospital. Hotaru was with Chibiusa and Ikkuko. Certainly they watched TV or played with the cards Chibiusa got for Christmas. Although the future senshi of death still tried to eat the cards instead of playing with them properly. It was one of the coldest February Japan ever experienced and all people hoped that soon a nice and warm spring would follow. That the bitter cold would finally end. Haruka didn’t respond anything. She simply took her lover’s hand as they passed the entrance and sat down in the waiting room of the practice. The appointment would be in about half an hour but they started earlier because it was still very smooth outside and they didn’t want to cause an accident. Especially not when Michiru was driving. After Haruka almost crashed into a truck because the dizziness in her head controlled all of her mind, they decided that the senshi of the wide ocean should drive up to the birth. “Look at this.” Said Michiru exited and opened some magazines after they had sit down. It showed different children furniture. Sure they didn’t throw away all of Hotaru’s clothes not knowing why. But the cradle broke after Hotaru climbed out of it because she had been very frightened of a loud thunder. Now Michiru looked after cradles and behaved like crazy. “You know my opinion.” Said Haruka and didn’t want to look at the tiny clothes in the coloured magazine. She turned her head and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to keep that child. And now Michiru behaved like a becoming mother. As if she would be able to love it. Haruka swallowed hard and felt how her lover rose from her chair next to her. But I would never be... “And you know my opinion.” Whispered Michiru suddenly above her and Haruka felt loving lips on her own. Automatically she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and replied the kiss with all her passion. “You must be very happy.” They interrupted the kiss and blushed both as they heard the voice behind them. They turned their heads and looked at a woman near the forty. She smiled friendly at them and Michiru could feel her looks at her slim body. “Christmas Eve was successful, wasn’t it?” she laughed as the young woman frowned. “You don’t look as if you were pregnant for a long time, now. Still sick in the morning, are you? But with your nice husband you’ll survive it. When you’ll hold your baby after nine months in your arms you’re sure that it’s worth every pain.” The woman sighed in memories. “I know what I am talking about. I am mother of five nice children. The oldest is now 20, the youngest just two years old.” “Nice for you.” Could Michiru hear her lover whisper with a low voice and looked deep into dark green eyes. Knowing that this one child was almost too much for her. Maybe she would have carried it with more pride when she would got pregnant another way. With Usagi’s help. If that child she’s carrying would be mine, too. “Tenô-san?” The nurse appeared in the door and looked at some sheets in her hands. “Would you please come with me?” Slowly Haruka rose from her chair and could see how the woman stared at her in disbelieve. At her slightly arched belly only one could see who know it. Who had given birth to an own child, too. “May I come with you?” asked Michiru and couldn’t look into surprised big eyes. The nurses only hesitated for some seconds. Then she remembered the young woman crying so desperately over two months ago. “Of course.” Michiru took her Ruka’s hand while they followed her into another white room. Haruka shivered as she saw the ultrasound. She was now in the fourth month of her pregnancy and the doctor decided that it was time to look closer at the tiny life growing inside her belly. Making sure that everything was alright with the tiny child. “Konnichi-wa, Tenô-san, Kaioh-san.” “Konnichi-wa.” They bowed as Dr. Sagurasa stepped into the room. She pointed at a chair in the corner and Michiru sat down thankfully. Thankfully that she was allowed to stay although she wasn’t the father. “How are you feeling?” asked the woman while Haruka unbuttoned her black shirt and lay down on the cold underground. Michiru watched her, looked at her slightly arched belly and wondered how she could love that child although she knew how it was produced. Maybe I am crazy, but I love it. Because it’s part of my Ruka. And I want it to be part of me, too. Haruka closed her eyes as she felt the cold fluid on her skin and shivered a little bit. And I wanna keep it... “Fine, Sagurasa-san. The nausea decreases and the last week I threw up my breakfast only once.” Answered the senshi of the wild wind and pressed her eyelashes together as she felt the unpleasant moves over her belly. “And here we go.” Said the woman with a smile in her voice. Haruka stopped to breathe as she heard the high, fast heart beats coming out of the ultrasound. The first sounds she heard of the child. My child... She swallowed hard and suddenly tears burned behind her lashes. But she didn’t want to give in her sadness. Not here. Not in front of the doctor. “Do you want to risk a look?” Haruka only shook her head, heard how Michiru rose from her chair and went over to the doctor. The young violinist looked at the black and white picture on the screen and her mouth stood open as she saw the tiny being. Being always in motion. Hearing the fast heartbeat that wasn’t the one of her lover. “What’s this?” she asked and pointed at the screen. Her cheeks were redden and a loving smile laid on her face. “That’s the head and here you can see two arms.” Declared the doctor and smiled understanding at the young woman who leaned closer. “It looks as if it’s winking at us.” She said with a shaky voice and stroke tenderly over the screen. Haruka turned her head away, biting on her lower lip. She didn’t want to see the child. She didn’t want to see it’s first motions. She didn’t want to.. I don’t want to love it! The doctor watched the pale woman lying next to her and the blushed other one watching exited at the screen. “What is it, Sagurasa-san. Can you already see some hints?” The woman looked at the scene and smiled. Then she nodded. “Do you want to know it?” “No!” Haruka’s voice was determined and she clenched her fists. “I don’t wanna know it!” Silently the doctor looked up into suddenly very sad blue eyes. She raised on eyebrow and the other woman nodded. Sea green hairs fell over her shoulders, tears wetted her cheeks. The doctor sighed slightly. Then, as she wanted to give the other woman a hint the door was pushed open and a girl about ten years entered the room. “Gomen nasai!” she blushed and looked at the doctor with big, pleading eyes. “Mommy?” she whispered and stepped from one feet to another one. “Gomen nasai, Tenô-san, Kaioh-san. That’s Mila, my daughter.” The doctor bowed. Then she left shortly the white room with her daughter. They could hear them discuss at the corridor. “Don’t you really want to know...” “No, it doesn’t matter!” Michiru sighed deeply. Then she went over to her girlfriend and gave her a light kiss on her white lips. Slowly Haruka opened her eyes and looked searching in deep blue ones. All she found was understanding. Understanding and love. “Risk a look, Ruka. It’s worth it.” Whispered Michiru and stepped a little bit aside. Haruka swallowed hard then she looked over to the screen and saw the tiny being on it. White on dark background. “That’s our child.” Said the young violinist and didn’t even mention that she said >our< instead of >your<. But Haruka heard it. She shook slightly her head, then she lowered her look. Maybe it’s so simple for you, Michi-chan. Maybe you can forgive him so quickly. Silently she started to sob. But I am not as strong as you. She felt how Michiru embraced her and comforted her until she felt better. Until the doctor came back. Until the bad memories disappeared from her mind. But they both knew that they would return. *** She observed the tomato soup but it wasn’t ready yet. Nor were the noodles. Michiru turned the radio on and hummed to the sweet melody. She danced around the kitchen, setting the table. Hotaru was in her child’s room and played with her toys. They only waited for Haruka who had been shopping with Usagi and Mamoru. Usagi asked her and you simply couldn’t say no when Usagi was asking with her big, pleading eyes. Hope she won’t yell at me. Michiru giggled as she thought of the new furniture she bought after her tests were finished. Soon she would give another concert. The first after Christmas and after she asked Haruka if it was really okay for her she said hai when the guys asked her to accompany them. She brought Hotaru with her who liked it to listened to her music. The guys had been very kind to the small child and Hotaru felt safe when they were around. After the test ended she went into a big store with her Himme-chan. The small girl got a chocolate apple while she observed the tiny furniture. She fell in love with one piece there and simply couldn’t let it stay there. So she bought it and took it home. Hope she understands me. Michiru heard how Mamoru’s car parked near the house. She heard how her Ruka stepped out and shouted goodbye at the couple. At their future Queen and King. Then the key was turned and the young car racer changed her shoes. Something crackled and Michiru was sure that Haruka bought something herself, too. “Michi-chan?” shouted the senshi of the wind and came nearer. “I am here, Ruka.” She heard how Haruka stepped into the living-room and laid down some bags, surely on the wide couch. “Hm, it smells delicious, what are you making, my...” Haruka asked and froze in motion as she saw the small furniture standing next to the TV set. Where a similar furniture had stood just two years ago. Hope she’ll change her mind! “Michiru?!” Haruka’s voice was very silent and Michiru swallowed hard. Her lover hardly called her Michiru. And when she did she was really exited. Or really angry. “What is that?!” wanted the senshi of the wind to know and shook her head in disbelieve as Michiru come over to her. The young violinist followed her terrified look and wasn’t suddenly sure anymore if it had been such a nice idea at all. “It’s a cradle.” She answered and crossed her arms before her chest. “You know that Hotaru’s one is broken and that we need a...” “We don’t need a new one, because this child will never lay in a cradle in this house! Are you deaf, Michiru? I won’t keep it! I’ll give it to adoption! To a nice couple that will love it! Really love it the way it earns it! The way I will never love it!!! “ Suddenly Haruka was yelling at her, her body trembled. “I am not deaf, Ruka. But I don’t want to give it away. Maybe I should say it again, in slow words: I want to keep it. Because it’s part of you, too, Ruka. It’s your child.” Michiru took a deep breathe and stepped nearer. She wanted to embrace her lover, but the young car racer stepped automatically back. “It’s our child!” “Be realistic, Michiru!” Haruka slammed away the hands that were stretched to her. She stepped back and almost stumbled over the cradle. It had white curtains that were covered with shinning suns and little sea birds flying high in the skies. “This child was produced by a rape! It’s not part of you. It can’t be. Maybe it looks like it’s father and every time I look at it I...” “Why are so stubborn? What if it looks like you? A little child with blonde hairs and green eyes? To give it away means for me to loose something very important of you, too.” Now Michiru cried but her blue eyes stared angry at her lover’s pale face. “That’s not your decision.” Declared Haruka coldly and swallowed hard as she saw Michiru’s disappointed expression. How she shook her head in disbelieve. “To run away doesn’t solve any of your problems, Ruka. Maybe you’re right and it’s not my decision if it’ll grow up in this house or if it’ll be with strangers for it’s whole life! But at least you could have asked me...” Michiru pushed her girlfriend aside and stumbled over to the door. She didn’t care if their dinner would burn. She didn’t care if Haruka would hated her now. She didn’t care of anything else than the pain that increased inside her soul. Why can’t you see that I wanna love it! “At least you could have asked me if I’d like to be it’s mother.” Michiru screamed at her lover and slammed hard the door behind her. Still sobbing she ran upstairs and locked the door to their sleeping room behind her. Then she leaned against it and started desperately to cry. Why can’t you see that I won’t be able to love it! Haruka watched the closed door of the living-room for a long time. Unable to move. Unable to think. Then she turned her head and stared at the cradle. Slowly she walked over and went on her knees. Her trembling fingers touched the soft cloths and she swallowed hard. Certainly Michi-chan bought it with all her love. The young car racer touched her slightly arched belly under her white dark shirt and took a shaky breathe. But we can’t keep it. Not after all what happened... *** Silently she opened the entrance door, changed automatically her shoes and put her jacket down. She took a deep breathe and slowly walked upstairs. The winter started to fight against the coming spring and it got warmer outside. Still it was cold, but not that bitter cold it had been during the past weeks anymore. Haruka didn’t want to think of summer. When the child would be born. When she would be high advanced in pregnancy. When it would be very hot outside and all could see her state of body under the summer clothes. I can’t do it. She stumbled upstairs and laid down with a sigh on the wide bed. Her hands searched for the remote control and soon soft violin music filled the air. She put some buttons and the volume increased until there was nothing more than the music in her ears. And her own thoughts in her mind. I can’t do it. Today had been the first appointment with a nice couple. A man and a woman nearly at the forty. Who wanted to adopt her child. They talked about the plans they already had for the tiny being and suddenly Haruka felt jealousy. That they would experience something she would never be able to. I can’t do it. She closed her eyes and listened to the music. Of course Michiru didn’t want to come with her. They had another argument and Michiru took Hotaru and went to her to Usagi. To talk about the concert she would give in one week. At the second of March. Michiru would play the violin and she invited the other senshi to watch her – and the famous guys they all liked so much, too. Of course Michi-chan didn’t want to join me in that conversation. Haruka talked to the couple for almost half an hour and they were friendly at the beginning. Then they got angry when they realized that she wasn’t really sure about the adoption. The woman started to cry that she wanted a baby and didn’t want to be betrayed by young, careless women any longer. And the man rose from his chair and wanted to give her some notes. As Haruka saw the money she stood up and left the room without saying any more words. She left the hospital, took the next bus and drove home. The last miles she walked to the light house by the sea. Looking out to the ocean, feeling the growing sun on her pale face. I can’t do it. She opened her eyes as she felt how someone laid down next to her on the wide bed. She frowned as she saw her lover who stared at her with deep blue eyes. “And, how was it?” asked Michiru and took the remote control to quieten the music. The soft melody became softer but didn’t die away. Haruka bit on her lower lip and turned her head away. “Where’s Himme-chan?” she asked instead of an answer. Michiru leaned forward and gave her girlfriend a loving kiss on the cheeks. She didn’t need an answer. She understood without much words. “Still with Usagi. She wants to baby-sit her this evening. So that we’ll have a little time of our own.” Michiru embraced her lover and kissed her tenderly. Haruka closed her eyes again and repeated the kiss passionately. She felt how Michiru opened the buttons of her shirt and winced as she felt icy hands on her skin. “Are you a snow woman or my hot lover?” she teased and heard how the smaller senshi giggled. “Ruka?” asked Michiru after a while and stripped Haruka’s bra. Slowly her breasts were becoming bigger and more sensitive. The young violinist asked how it would be if Haruka would ever breastfeed her child. One day. In their house. Sitting in the living-room on the big couch. Holding the baby tight in her strong arms. Smiling loving down at it. “Hai?” “Do me one favour. Don’t talk about the adoption anymore until it’s born. Think it over, Ruka. Give birth to it, hold it in your arms and look closer to it. And when you’re still able to give it away, then I can’t change your mind. But only then. Don’t talk about it in such a hateful way until it isn’t born.” Haruka opened her eyes again and swallowed hard. Then she nodded and stroke through the see green hairs of her lover that felt like velvet. “I promise.” She whispered. Then their lips met again. In a long, loving kiss. Haruka embraced her Michi-chan and hold her tight while the smaller senshi caressed her body tenderly. I can’t do it. But have to do it... *** “I wanna see mommy!” Hotaru looked with her dark eyes pleading at her daddy. She wore a nice dark dress and looked really cute in it. Uncertain Haruka looked over at the rest of the Sailor Team. They all wear such fine dresses, too and Mamoru looked really cute in his black tuxedo. The young car racer thought if he had a rose inside of it and automatically smiled. They all sat in the first array of the huge arena. A red curtain still covered the stage above and it would take another thirty minutes until the concert would start. “Mommy!” The little girl looked really desperate and Haruka knew that she couldn’t resist that look. Her daughter knew how to get what she wanted. “I am back right now.” She said to Ami who sat next to her. The senshi of water raised her head and nodded. Then she read again in the book she bought at the entrance. Of course it was about the guys Michiru would accompany today. “Let’s search your mommy.” Declared Haruka and took her daughter into her arms. She wore her white tuxedo and she was sure that it was the last time she was able to wear it before her child’s birth. She was in the fifth month now and her belly arched a lot during the past two weeks. In her narrow tuxedo it was very obvious now that she was pregnant. But she didn’t care as she walked behind the stage. She was Kaioh Michiru’s girlfriend. The security knew and so it was no problem for her to get to her lover’s changing room. It was empty but the violin still laid on the table. So Haruka decided to sit down and to play with her daughter. The little girl laughed happily as she tickled her. Dark eyes shone lucky and dark hairs flew through the air as the girl jumped from her daddy’s lap and ran through the room. At that moment the door was opened and Hotaru flew into someone’s arms. “Mommy!” she screamed and realized too late that it wasn’t her mother she jumped at. Startled light green eyes looked into a suddenly frightened child’s face. Then Hotaru cheered up as she recognized who was holding her. “Yaten!” she laughed happily and grabbed a strand of his long silver hairs. The young man smiled loving down at the small girl, then he blinked confused at the sitting woman. First he thought that she was a man. She wore a white tuxedo and short blonde hairs surrounded a serious looking face. But as she came to her feet he could see her arched belly and knew who she was. The young man let the little girl down and a sweet appeared in his hand. Hotaru clapped in her hands and tried hard to unwrap and to eat it. “Konnichi-wa. I am Kou Yaten. I am the youngest singer of the Three Lights. You must be Tenô Haruka, Kaioh-san’s girlfriend. She told us a lot about you.” Said the young man and shook her hand. A friendly smile laid on his face. “I came to Kaioh-san’s changing room, because we aren’t sure which song we should play at the beginning. We discussed it at the last test but couldn’t find a good answer. But she‘ll be back soon, won’t she?” Yaten looked over to the violin and Haruka frowned. Normally Michiru didn’t speak so openly at her private life. But maybe those Three Lights were something special. The young man in front of her seemed to be friendly. Yaten moved towards her and before she could react he had placed his hands upon her belly. She stared at him with wide eyes but she couldn’t move. Couldn’t defend herself. Couldn’t kick at him. “When’s the day of birth?” asked the young man and there was a strange sparkling in his light green eyes. “July the 10th.” “Then you’re in the fifth month now. Did you already feel it?” Haruka only shook her head and swallowed hard. “You’ll feel it soon. It must be a fantastic feeling. To feel one’s child moving inside one’s body.” The young car racer frowned. Were there tears in those light blue eyes? Is he crying? “Kaioh-san told us a lot about you and your child. She always smiles and she looks like the happiest mother of this earth. She really loves you and your daughter. And your unborn child, too. But I believe you already know it.” Again Haruka only nodded and still felt his warm hands on her belly. As if he wanted to greet the tiny being growing inside her belly. Then he looked straightway into her eyes and now she saw his tears. “You must be very happy with such a family, Tenô-san. My sister had been pregnant, too. That’s now over three years, before Galactica...” he swallowed hard, then shook his head and blinked at her. As if he asked himself what he was doing here. “She lost the child?” asked Haruka with a silent voice and shivered. She never thought about it. Hai, she thought about abortion and since her body changed she thought a lot of the birth. But she never thought of loosing it during the pregnancy. “No, it was never born. Because she was killed...” Yaten swallowed hard, then he let go of her and stepped back. “Take always care of your family, Tenô-san. It’s the most important thing in your life. The most valuable.” Before Haruka could reply anything the door was pushed open again and Hotaru forgot her sweets as she flew into her mother’s arms. Michiru already wore her deep blue evening dress and her face shone with luck as she rose her daughter into the air. “Yaten, we searched you at the whole stage.” Another man stepped into the room. His long black hairs were hold together in his neck and he wore a red tuxedo. “The show starts in five minutes. Are you ready, Kaioh-san?” he watched at Haruka but didn’t greet her. “Come, Yaten, we don’t have time for playing with little children.” He was gone with those words and went fast away. “Sejya, wait!” The youngest singer of the Three Lights bowed before Haruka and quickly ran after his older colleague. “Strange guys, but very nice.” Declared Michiru and stepped over to her Ruka, her daughter still in her arms. “You look wonderful, darling.” Whispered the young violinist and gave her lover a light kiss on her lips. Haruka only nodded and returned the sweet touch. Still thinking at Yaten’s words. *** Why did I buy it? Haruka stared at the violet toy mouse in her hands. It stared back at her with big white eyes. It’s ears were giant. Almost as giant as it’s feet. It looked really cute and the young car racer didn’t buy it for Hotaru. She looked over to the cradle and swallowed hard. Michiru didn’t put it away. It simply stood there next to the TV set and remembered her every evening they watched the news what her arched belly really meant. One day after the concert she had another appointment at the doctor. Michiru couldn’t come with her so she went to Dr. Sagurasa in her own. Of course everything was fine with the child. And as ever Haruka didn’t want to know it’s gender. After she left the hospital she went over to the next toy shop without really knowing why. There she looked for over two hours at the toys and finally decided for the mouse she liked the first second after she had entered the shop. Why did I buy it? She sighed deeply and looked at her watch. It was almost eight in the evening. Surely Michiru would come home the next moments and she wanted to surprise her with dinner. With salad. Nothing she would have to put into the oven – so that it could get burned. She knew why she bought the mouse. But she didn’t want to admit it. Slowly she went over to the cradle and put the violet toy mouse carefully down on the soft blankets. Then she walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and started to prepare the salad. I bought it for it. But she would have never admitted it to herself. *** Slowly spring defeated the winter. Although the nights could be very cold, the days became warmer and slowly whole Japan started to get green again. The trees stood in blossom and the first birds returned from their long journey out of the south. “Arigato, you two. I didn’t want to sound childish but I hate it to go to the dentist on my own.” Said Usagi while they left the white building in the inner city of Tokyo. She smiled happily because there had been no hole in her teeth and Ami had promised her a big ice cream if they would fetch her from the library. The inner senshi wanted to meet in the evening to learn for the big English test they had to write the next week. At her way to the dentist Usagi met Haruka and Michiru. The pregnant senshi carried her daughter in her arms while Michiru carried two bags with food and clothes. Haruka’s belly arched a lot during the past weeks and she needed new trousers and new shirts. The future Queen of Crystal Tokyo asked them if they had ten minutes time to be with her at the waiting room. She hated all kinds of doctors – especially the dentist. The outer senshi exchanged glances, smiled knowing and agreed. “That doesn’t sound childish.” Answered Haruka and nodded as Hotaru showed up to the sky to show her a white dove flying high above them. The senshi of the wind swallowed hard. She didn’t want to think of the day shortly before Christmas when she had sit in another waiting room. When I almost did the greatest fault of my whole life. “Let’s go to the library. It’s this way.” Michiru only sighed as Usagi ran too fast. The bags were heavy and she was tired. She didn’t sleep a lot the last night. Haruka had one of her bad nightmares again and it took her almost the whole night to calm her down again. When her lover finally fell asleep again Hotaru awoke and wanted their attention. “Shall we take you home? We’re here with the car.” “That’s great. Arigato, you two.” Usagi laughed happily and her two plaids moved through the warm air as she headed towards the old stone building down the street. A girl was already standing outside, still reading in a thick book. A bag laid on the ground next to her and they all were sure that it contained another books. “Ami-chan! Are you ready?” Usagi jumped and flew towards the surprised girl who yelled as two arms grabbed her and swirled around with her. Her scream changed quickly into laughing and the book hit the ground. “Usako!” gasped Ami and shook her head. Blue hairs touched her shoulders and blue eyes shone behind glasses. “You almost frightened me to death!” “You’re too serious, Ami-chan! That’s what Mina-chan always says and she’s right! We’re young, we should enjoy our life and not only learn.” “But without learning...” Usagi rolled her eyes but before Ami could told her how important a good school certificate was she saw the other senshi coming not as quickly as the future Queen down the street. “Hi, Michiru. How are you feeling, Haruka?” asked Ami and stroke through the soft dark hairs. Hotaru only smiled trustful, then she leaned her head against her papa’s shoulder and yawned oppressed. “Fine, Ami.” Answered Haruka and sighed slightly. She knew that even her wide clothes couldn’t hide her state of body any longer. Now not only her friends, her family would know it. Also stranger who met her on the street, in the next supermarket, at the parking space. “Hai, you’ve got a very fine appetite now. And what you’re eating! A roll covered with cheese and whipped cream! And that’s the most harmless meal she wants to eat during the past week.” Giggled Michiru and held up the bags. Smiling she shrugged her shoulders and Haruka knew that her lover only teased her. “As long as you don’t have to it, Michiru.” Laughed Ami back and took her own bag and slowly they went over to the park that was near the huge parking space. Usagi talked without any pause about the school today and about the visit at the dentist so that their way wasn’t boring. Or at least not so long. “I want your pure heart crystal!” screamed suddenly a voice behind them and Michiru could see how Haruka squeezed Hotaru tighter as they all turned around. Behind them stood a youma. It looked like a mixture of a shoe, a carpet and a knife. His arms were surely blades and they looked very sharp! It pointed at Ami who blushed deeply and stepped back, protectively wrapping the bag with the books before her chest. “Whatever will happen, you don’t move!” whispered Michiru and pushed her lover determined behind a trunk. “You have to take care of our children!” She saw that Haruka wanted to protest, but she put her bags on the ground, raised her henshin and transformed. Then a very angry Sailor Neptune went back to the sandy way and stepped next to Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury. “How can you dare to attack us simply like that? I had my torture this day!! I don’t need you!! That’s why I’ll punish you in the name of the moon!” Sailor Moon swirled with the sceptre in the air and almost hit Mercury who ducked quickly. The youma didn’t seem to be very impressed. It threw some blades at the senshi and they run into different directions. Sailor Moon and Mercury ran to the left, Sailor Neptune to the left. Again blades flew through the air and the youma decided to haunt the aqua haired senshi. Because she was slower than the other ones. Because she was more tired than they were. “This is your end!” It screamed as a small blue planet missed it. Neptune shook her head but Sailor Moon stumbled over a root and another blade met Mercury who stared in disbelieve at her bleeding arm, not able to move it anymore. Shit! Neptune looked at her henshin and felt suddenly very weak. So tired of all those nightmares she went through ever night. And now this silly youma. Where did it come from? Are there more youmas outside? Is there a new enemy? Again she tried her special powers and again she failed without really knowing why. Again she saw the blades and knew that all she could do was to jump – or to die. “No!” Two arms were wrapped around her and she flew through the air. Then she landed on the grass. No, not on the grass but on a body of someone. “Star Serious Laser!” “Star Sensitive Inferno!” “Star Gentral Uttterance!” Sailor Moon looked up in surprise as she heard the strange low voices and saw three young woman in dark clothes. With bright stars in front of their bodies. Several lights covered the youma who cried out loud. “Ouch...” Neptune rolled off her lover as she mentioned that she was laying on her. Haruka had still wrapped her arms around her waist and looked up at her with a painful expression on her face. “Why didn’t you stay at the trunk?” asked Michiru and took a deep breathe as she saw how Haruka touched her belly and groaned even more. It’s in the end of the fifth month! It’s too early. The senshi of the wind closed her eyes as the pain increased inside her body. She heard several voices shouting out loud some strange spells. Then she heard Sailor Moon’s known voice and knew that she used her sceptre to defeat that youma. It would be the easiest way to get rid of it. Haruka bit on her lower lip and oppressed a sob. Now, that’s not the way how it should be. That’s not... She opened her eyes again and looked into several concerned ones. Three young women she didn’t know bowed over her next to Sailor Moon and Mercury. “We should take her to the hospital.” Declared a young woman with long silver hairs and light green eyes looked thinking into dark green ones. “We?” asked another woman with long black hairs dangerous quietly. “Remember, Healer, she’s not the reason of us being here. We search for the special one and not for a pregnant... woman.” “But...” declared the smaller woman but was pushed away by her partners. You could hear them argue while they left the park. Not caring about the senshi who watched them in confusion. Until they were gone. “Better we do what she said.” Michiru helped her lover up who still hold her arched belly. It never moved. And I am already in the fifth month. What if anything happened to it and it’s already... Haruka swallowed while her girlfriend guided her towards the silver Ferrari. Ami took care of Hotaru while Usagi carried all those bags. But she didn’t complain. She knew when she had to be strong. “Here we go.” Michiru sat behind the steering wheel after they sat all down in the car and shortly looked at her lover. She smiled to cheer her up and her deep blue eyes seemed to say: Everything will be fine. Haruka closed her eyes and leaned back. She really wanted to believe in her lover’s words. During the drive her hands rested on her arched belly, hoping for a sign of life. *** “Are you sure?” Haruka watched sceptically at the screen, saw the motions of the white being in the darkness. “Hai, your child’s feeling fine. Nothing to be worried about Tenô-san.” “Are you really sure?” Dr. Sagurasa nodded patiently. She knew how stubborn that young woman could be. She looked over to the other young woman sitting in the corner of the white room. The other women and a small child stayed in the waiting room talking exited to the nurse. “Here’s it’s heartbeat.” She turned the volume louder and Haruka looked still very sceptically. “But I never felt any motions inside my body.” She declared and laid her head again on the cool underground. “And after I stumbled over a root this afternoon and fell hard on the stony way it even hurt.” “Of course it hurts to fall down. That’s normal.” The doctor smiled while the scanner still moved over the freezing skin. “And you’re in the fifth month now. You should be more patiently with your child. Soon it will kick you and then you’ll wish that it would be still quiet and sleeping.” She laughed and turned the volume a little bit louder. Now a tiny, fast heartbeat filled the room and the doctor could see tears sparkling in dark green eyes before the pregnant woman closed them. “That’s it’s heartbeat. Listen closer, Tenô-san. Everything’s alright. Believe me.” She said and switched off the ultrasound and cleaned Haruka’s belly. Then she helped her up. She could hear the low whisper >Thank goddess< and smiled understanding and a little bit surprised. She’s the strangest woman I ever met. First she wanted to abort it with all consequences and now she almost cries because she thinks she already lost it. And the doctor knew that it didn’t has to do anything with hormones. “Dr. Tamaru-san told me that you didn’t want to see the couples again.” Asked the doctor while Haruka closed the buttons on her dark shirt. “No, they wanted to give me money.” Haruka took a deep breathe and carefully left the bed. “And the other one was too old. It needn’t grandparents, it needs real parents.” “Hai. “ admitted Dr. Sagurasa and rose from her chair. “It needs you, Tenô-san.” She saw how dark green eyes widened and the young woman shook her head. She’s simply too afraid. Deep in her heart she loves this child. Otherwise she wouldn’t be so concerned about it. Hope she recognizes it before it’s too late. “But I can’t...” “Love it?” asked the doctor and gently squeezed Haruka’s right shoulder. “Maybe you’re uncertain at the moment but you’ll surely love it when you once seen it.” “But if it looks...” “Like him? Don’t worry, all you will see are your traces in that tiny face. Your eyes and your laughs. You won’t think of it’s father whenever you hold it and you’ll love it. That’s for sure.” Dr. Sagurasa looked straight into sceptically dark green eyes, felt how the young woman trembled under her hands. “Believe me, Tenô-san. I love my daughter more than anyone else on this world. I’d die for her. I only want to see her happy and whenever I look at her I see myself reflected in her face. Myself and my husband. I never saw any sign of her real father.” Haruka swallowed hard and raised asking one eyebrow. The doctor only nodded and called for a nurse who led the young car racer into the next room where she could order her clothes and make herself fresh again. “Her father raped you, too?” asked Michiru quietly and rose from her chair. She walked slowly over to the doctor who smiled friendly at her. “Hai. But my husband helped me and after I hold my daughter the first time in my arms I knew that she was indeed our child. Believe me, she won’t let the baby go. Now she’s confused and scared. But she loves it. Even if she doesn’t admit it. I can see it in her reaction when I tell her that everything’s alright with it.” The woman gave Michiru her hand and bowed slightly. “She’ll love it. And I know that you already does. You’re a nice partner, Kaioh-san. And I am sure you’ll be a loving mother.” “Arigato.” Whispered Michiru and bowed, too. Slowly she let go of the touch that remembered her of her mother. Who had calmed her down when she had been very worried as child. “Dr. Sagurasa-san?” she turned at the door and wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks. “Hai?” The doctor didn’t look up while she put the ultrasound away and cleaned the scanner. “What is it? I won’t betray it to her.” The woman raised her head, thought at the small girl sitting outside in the waiting room and laughed a happy laugh as she saw real excitement in the young woman’s face. “Better you’ll buy blue clothes.” Was all she said. Was all Michiru needed to know. *** The bell rang and Michiru walked through the corridor to open it. Haruka sat on the couch and watched the news. Hotaru laid next to her in a soft blanket and slept deep and tight. It wasn’t that late in the evening but it had been another exhausting day. I am so tired. Michiru frowned as she saw several shadows outside. How tired will I be when the baby is born and screams the whole night. She searched for the key to unlock the door. We could handle Hotaru so we can handle this child, too. The senshi of the wide ocean opened the door and stared speechless outside as she saw at her lover’s team colleagues. They all stood at the steps of the staircase and smiled happy at her. The manager stood right in front of them, holding a big bunch of flowers in his hands. “Is Tenô-san at home?” he asked and blushed deeply. The racers, the mechanics and all the other people mentioned it and laughed. It wasn’t the first time that their chef visited an ill person of their team. But it was the first time that they visited a man that turned out to be a woman. The fasted racer they ever had who stopped racing because she became pregnant. “Hai...” Michiru still stared at them in disbelieve, then she shouted through the house: “Haruka, here’s someone for you.” She heard how her lover came to her feet and came over to her. She stood right beside her and her green eyes widened as she saw all the people outside. “What are you doing here?” she asked and swallowed hard as her manager stepped in and pushed the brunch in her hands. “We’re here to congratulate you.” He said and looked at her arched belly. “To make sure that you’re okay and that our best car racer will at least visit our next races.” He bowed slightly. “Gomen nasai, Tenô-san that I’ve been so angry about you the last day we saw. But it’s been quite a shock.” “Everything that wasn’t planned by you is a shock for you.” Shouted one of the other racers and the whole team laughed. “May we come in, Kaioh-san?” asked another man, maybe a mechanic and Michiru nodded automatically. It would be a little bit narrow in their living-room but they all were used to a small box at the race track. “Do you want something to drink or to eat?” she asked and several hungry faces brightened up. It looked as if they all came from training just to visit their best racer. Michiru smiled as she saw several gifts in strong men hands: Toys, baby clothes and of course a child’s seat for the car. Haruka felt how her manager took her arm and lead her together with the team to the living-room. Michiru gave them all something to eat and to drink and Haruka wondered where the hell she got all those glasses. All that fruit juice. All the rolls and all the sausages. “Do you know what it’ll be, Tenô-san?” asked one mechanic and Haruka only shook her head, still surprised that they all came. Really all. “As secretly as always.” Laughed the manager and took the still very tired Hotaru on his lap. The little girl only blinked then she fell back into deep sleep. They talked the whole evening, had a lot of fun and made sure that Haruka would come to the arena more often. And that she would call the manager up after the birth so that they all would come again to visit her and to see her child. Haruka sit in the middle of all those people and smiled surprised. Surprised that no one asked her about the father of the baby she was carrying. Surprised that they all seemed to be happy with her. Surprised that every one congratulated her – and Michiru, too. *** “Michi-chan?” Haruka opened the door of the cabin and shouted at her lover who was in their sleeping room. It was early in the morning and they wanted to go to the circus together with Himme-chan and Chibiusa. The water still fell down at her but she didn’t really mentioned it. She only thought about the feeling she just experienced. She had to share with her lover. “What’s wrong?” Michiru ran into the bathroom and looked concerned at the taller woman. Haruka took wordless her hands and put it on her arched belly. The senshi of the wind frowned, then her face brightened up as she felt the soft prickle under the soft skin. Deep blue eyes looked loving up into dark green ones. “It kicked me.” Whispered the young violinist with a suddenly shaky voice and felt it again under her finger tips. “Hai.” Responded Haruka very quietly. “And it’s as wild as it’s mother.” Michiru didn’t care about the water wetting her pullover she already wore. She could change it afterwards. The smaller senshi stepped under the shower, embraced her lover tenderly, felt her arched belly against her slim one. Felt the prickling against her own stomach. “I love you, Ruka.” Whispered Michiru and kissed her Ruka tenderly. Haruka only wrapped her arms around her lover and closed her eyes. The kiss lasted for a very long time. They almost missed the circus. *** “... and then I didn’t have the time to learn and got a bad mark in my English lesson. English is such a hard language and..." Michiru smiled at Usagi who talked without a pause. The coffee smelled delicious and the cake was nice sweet. Hotaru and Chibiusa played in Chibiusa’s room while Usagi talked to the young violinist in her own one. They were at Tsunkino’s house to talk over different things that happened during the past days. And to thank Ikkuko that she took care for Hotaru for so many time during the past months. Whenever Michiru needed her time with her Ruka on their own. To dispel her nightmares. To show her that she was still loved. To make her now that the baby was welcome – always. The bell rang and Ikkuko walked through the corridor to open it. “... and Ami really wanted to make me learn the whole night. Can you imagine? The whole night? That wasn’t what I...” Michiru nodded and looked over to the door that was opened slowly. Haruka appeared in the frame. Her face was very pale and Michiru saw that she fought hard against her tears. “Usako, would you be so kind to make me another cup of coffee?” asked Michiru while her lover came nearer and sat down next to her. “Of course. Hi, Haruka.” Usagi smiled at the taller senshi not mentioning that Haruka didn’t greet her, too. “Some milk for you, too?” The future Queen of Crystal Tokyo took the cups and left quickly her room to ran over to the kitchen to her mother. “How was it today?” wanted Michiru to know but she saw that she needn’t ask as Haruka raised her head. Tears sparkled in her dark green eyes and she swallowed hard. “One of the couple declared that they only wanted a little girl and the other one argued right in front of me. It was so horrible. I simply want someone to love it and not to argue...” her voice became quieter until it broke. The senshi of the wind lowered her head and wrapped her arms around her arched belly. Tears run down her cheeks now and she started desperately to sob as she felt her lover’s embrace. “Hush, dear.” The young violinist rocked her gently. “I don’t want to hate it, Michi-chan...” whispered Haruka and choked. The door was opened again but none of them mentioned it. “I wanna love it, but I am so scared that it’ll look like it’s father. That it will always remembers me on what he has done to me. How he almost killed Himme-chan and...” she shook her head and leaned herself against her girlfriend’s warm body. They both winced as they heard how the cups were put back on the table. Haruka raised her head and looked directly into Usagi’s big, sad eyes. “Go, Usako...” she whispered and tried to turn away. She didn’t want her future Queen too see her like this. So helpless. So damned weak! But she couldn’t move properly, because her body was in her way. She oppressed a sob and lowered her head again. “Go...” But Usagi didn’t go. Instead she pushed the table away and kneeled before the two senshi who were part of her Sailor Team, of her family. She only wanted to see them happy, never sad. Never desperate. Usagi looked into Haruka’s wet face but couldn’t see directly into her still watery eyes. Never crying... She touched her brooch and the moon sign appeared on her forehead. It shimmered golden but Usagi didn’t transform completely into Sailor Moon. Instead of raising her sceptre she took Michiru’s hand into her left one and laid her right one on Haruka’s arched belly. The senshi of the wind winced hard but didn’t turn away. Usagi took a deep breathe and concentrated. The golden shinning of her sign increased and soon covered them all. Automatically they all closed their eyes. Haruka and Michiru could only see darkness but Sailor Moon saw a small figure standing in front of her. She smiled loving at the child who smiled back trustfully. Your parents will surely love you. Usagi reached her hands and stroke through the brown hairs that suddenly changed it’s colour. Now they were blonde and messed and remembered the future Queen of a wild tomboy she liked very much. Dark eyes looked faithful up at her and Usagi lowered her head. Carefully she kissed the lashes and as the child opened it’s eyes again they were deep blue. Like the endless ocean... They love you. The child laughed happily and stroke over her suddenly wet cheeks. I know. It’s voice was high. Then it turned around and ran back into the darkness. Usagi took a deep breathe and opened her eyes again. She felt very tired with a sudden and the golden shimmer died away. Haruka and Michiru opened their eyes, too, and looked confused at their future Queen. “What have you done?” asked the young violinist and felt how Haruka trembled even more beside her. “I can’t change the past. I am not that powerful and Setsuna’s right. You mustn’t change time, that could destroy the world. But I could take away some pain from you.” Usagi smiled sadly at the two outer senshi and oppressed a yawn. “I couldn’t make your memories disappear, Haruka, but I could make this child worth loving.” She leaned forward and wiped away the tears that were running down over pale cheeks again. “I am not very powerful, Haruka. Maybe I can rescue the whole world, but I can’t change destiny.” “What have you done?” repeated Michiru her question and watched how the future Queen stroke gently over Haruka’s arched belly. The young car racer winced again but didn’t move away. “I made this child to be –your- child.” Silence evolved at the room while two pairs of confused eyes looked at a very tired face. Then the seriousness disappeared out of Usagi’s face and she was a seventeen year old teenager again. Still she stroke over the arched belly and a bright smile bloomed on her face as she felt the light prickle under her finger tips. “It moved!” she shouted exited and her cheeks were redden with a sudden. “Haruka! Michiru! It kicked me. That’s so cute!!!” *** “Michi-chan?” She awoke when she heard the shaky voice beside her. She yawned and turned towards her lover. “Ruka? What’s wrong?” she whispered and rubbed her tired eyes. “Would you please hold me? Simply hold me?” asked Haruka and swallowed hard. Michiru didn’t answer. She simply took her into her arms, covered her body and her arched belly with her own blanket and pulled her closer to herself. >Whatever will happen, I’ll be there.< Haruka heard the promise again in her head. The promise her girlfriend gave her last Christmas Eve. A promise she never broke. “Michi-chan?” Again only a mumbled answer and automatically she had to smile a thin smile. “I love you.” Michiru nodded with her eyes closed. She raised her head and kissed her lover tenderly on her cheek. Then she laid her head again against Haruka’s shoulder and crept back into sleep. Holding her pregnant lover tight. To be there for here when her nightmares were haunting her again. To dispel all her fears. All her sorrows. To make her feel her love. Her and the small child she carried.
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