There's a reason I hide my heart Out of sight out of mind And when I find out just who you are The door will be open for you to... Find a way to my heart, and I will always be with you >From wherever you are, I'll be waiting I'll keep a place in my heart, you will see it shinning through So find a way to my heart, and I will, I will follow you. Phil Collins Notes by the author: I know that this song is quite old (about 12 years or so). But songs about love, about faith and about hope are timeless. For this story there are no more comments necessary yet. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Prologue: Out of a dirty street It stopped raining about two hours ago. Although it was very cold it became a wonderful afternoon after all the morning's mist. The last rays of the setting sun shone through the thick clouds. A hole in heaven... She stumbled over the slippery leaves that covered the pavement. With every step it got darker and she wondered if it was really so late. Her lover would be very angry and very concerned if she didn't come home right in time. She wanted to buy some cheese they forget yesterday. Today was Wednesday and they wanted to cook noodles, their daughter's favourite food. Although the little girl wasn't so good in eating the Italian food. She preferred it to throw it on the ground and to laugh happily. Laugh happily... She hold the bundle in her arms tighter as she tried to sped her steps. Her legs hurt but she didn't mention it. The trees near the road looked naked. Like grey ghosts they pointed up to the now almost dark sky. Wind played with messed short blonde hairs and a crumbled jacket. The jeans were dirty and the shoelace of her left shoes were open. She stumbled again but she felt too weak to curse. Where's that... Here green eyes looked for some seconds up from the dirty pavement she was walking on. She stopped in her motion and almost fell down on the ground. She fluctuate and blackness waited at the rim of her eyes. Slightly she shook her head and crossed the street. There weren't any cars here. Except a white one making a terrible loud sound. She wanted to shout at them. That they were too loud. That her head was going to explode. But she kept silent. Instead she squeezed the bundle in her arms and fought herself to go the few steps over to the big entrance. The staircase seemed to be as high as the highest mountain, but step by step, very slowly and very concentrated she climbed it. I mustn't give up! I mustn't give up! I mustn't give up! She didn't know how many times she told herself that bloody lie but it was the only thought that bought her such a long way. Without just laying down near the road and dying. No, I mustn't die. There's someone who needs help. Who needs me... She swallowed hard as two men passed her by quickly. They carried a stretcher. She could hear some other men shout and other apparatus were carried to the groaning patient quickly. She could see the blood and she turned away not to threw up the rest that was inside of her. The rest she didn't threw up half an hour ago. Is it just half an hour ago? She leaned herself against the white hospital wall and listened to the shouts of the doctors that seemed to surround the patient. Maybe an accident. Or maybe something even worse. Like me... She blinked and only the bundle in her arms kept her from becoming unconscious. Don't think of anything! She trembled hard but didn't even mention it. She wanted to go over to the next doctor. To a nurse or simply to another human being. But suddenly she wasn't able any longer. She leaned against that wall and couldn't move her body. As if she was paralysed. As if I am already dead... Tears sparkled in dark green eyes as she felt the warm body pressed at her own one. The bundle in her arms moved slightly and she heard another groan. A high groan. A child's groan. I mustn't give up! "Hello..." she whispered and her voice sounded shaky. "Hello?" It seemed to take eternity until someone mentioned her. A nurse at the age of thirty came over to her and she could see her eyes growing big as she saw the dirty woman leaning against the wall that was almost as white as her face. The lips were swollen and she could only open one of her dark blue eyes any more. Her clothes were crumbled and as she moved into the light of the emergency room the nurse could see that the blue jeans were covered with blood. Her own blood? "Oh my..." The nurse blinked, then she remembered her apprentice ship and that this was her job. "What happened?" she asked and tried to touch the young woman. She was about twenty years old and for some moments the nurse had confused her with a man. But then she saw the breasts under the crumbled t-shirt. It was torn as if someone had grabbed and ripped it. "They attacked my daughter." Whispered the young woman and two tears run down her cheeks, leaving two white strands on the dirty cheeks. "I fought against them, but I couldn't hinder that they beat her down. I..." her voice broke and for the first time the nurse realized that the young woman was holding something tight. She removed the bloody jacket from it and the nurse looked terrified down at a small girl. Her dark black hairs were also messed and blood covered a surely beautiful face. She was maybe two years old, maybe even younger. And she was injured! "Doctor! This is an emergency!" screamed the nurse and took the little girl from her mother's arms. The girl opened her dark eyes and started immediately to cry. At the next moment they were surrounded by men and women in white and quickly they carried the little girl away in one of the big, white rooms. "Hello, I am doctor Sagurasa. She's your daughter, ...?" Swollen dark green eyes looked up at a smiling face. "Tenô Haruka ." Whispered the young woman and stumbled backwards as the doctor tried to touch her. "You should come with me. You look as if you had a really bad fight yourself, Tenô-san." The doctor, she was maybe forty years old, took carefully the young woman's arm and felt how much she trembled. Hai, it was a bad fight. Haruka looked away as she stumbled over the emergency hall into another white room. And I lost it... "But I am feeling fine." Protested the senshi of wind weakly and coughed as blood run from her nose into her mouth and took her for some seconds her breathe. The doctor watched her and slightly shook her head. An understanding expression laid on her face. And a sad knowing one at the same time. "What about my daughter? What about Himme-chan?" Haruka sat down at chair and closed her eyes for some moments, ignoring the pain that went through her whole body. "She'll be fine, believe me. Little girls are strong." Hai, Hotaru had been strong, but I had been weak... "Is there anybody I can call for you? Who needs to know that you're here? Maybe your husband or..." Michi-chan... Haruka looked up and a terrified expression laid in her eyes that made even the doctor shiver who had seen a lot in her carrier. The young woman clenched her fists and the doctor believed to know what was going behind the blonde strands. She didn't want to exchange with the young woman. "Hai..." whispered Haruka and lowered her head again. For the first time she saw the blood that covered her blue jeans to the knees. For the first time she remembered what happened the past few hours. For the first time after she left that dirty street in the inner City of Tokyo to take her daughter to the hospital she felt really sick. Really dirty... "My girlfriend's at home and prepares our dinner. I... we wanted to take some cheese..." said the senshi of the wind with a cold, almost insensible voice. For some seconds she wondered why the doctor didn't gasp for breathe. As the most people did when they recognized that she wasn't a boy. That she loved a girl. That they both adopted their daughter to raise her together as a loving, lively family. What will Michi-chan thinks...? "I... I have to go now..." stammered Haruka and tried to rise from her chair. Michi-chan mustn't ever get to know about it! "I... I have...." I mustn't give up! Haruka looked up as the doctor tried to hold her back. Then the world started to swirl around her and it got darker and darker with every second. "Michi..." Haruka collapsed with a sigh on the white room's ground as she gave in her weak body. Her pain and her dizzy feelings. *** The bed was narrow and hard. Every bone hurt in her body and she wondered if her legs and her arms were broken. Her face burned like hell and the headache awoke when she tried to open her eyes. Her mouth was dry and it hurt to breathe. I mustn't give up! She opened her eyes and blinked in the lights that hang on a white ceiling. A ceiling she didn't know. At home there were pictures overall - even at the ceiling. Michiru had been so crazy to draw them when they papered the light house by the sea two years after Haruka moved into it. Just some months before we adopted our Himme-chan. "Hotaru! Princess!" She tried to sit upright. To leave the bed. To go out of the corridor. To ask the doctors there who her daughter was feeling. But two arms held her back. Two soft, but determined hands pushed her carefully back into the pillow and she oppressed a groan as the pain increased inside her body. "Your daughter is feeling fine, Tenô-san. She had a cut on her forehead and some bruises in her face, but in two or three days she'll be alright again. Don't worry, she's a little devil and she will be as wild as she had been before that... incident..." Haruka frowned as she heard a concerned tone in the doctor's voice. Slowly she turned her head and looked into knowing eyes. "Shall I call the police?" asked the older woman directly and sighed as her patient only shook her head. "They didn't hurt the child, did they? They only hurt you." Again only a nod. It didn't look as if the young woman wanted to talk about it. "Shall I call for a psychologist?" Only a shook. Dark green eyes looked up at her but the doctor wasn't sure if she really saw her. "Did you call Kaioh Michiru?" asked Haruka after a long while the doctor already thought she didn't want to talk to her. "Hai, she'll be here as soon as possible." Answered the doctor and smiled a concerned smile. "You really don't want to call..." "No!" Haruka turned her head around and stared out of the window. She could see some branches touching the window pane. Moved by cold wind. Autumn was almost over and suddenly Haruka was very afraid of Christmas. The festival of love... "But..." I mustn't give up! "No, doc. Arigato, but that's my business. Not yours or that of the state." Answered the senshi of the wind with a very silent voice. "But..." Haruka turned her head back to her, looked up in her worried face and tried to smile up at her although every move hurt so much she wanted to scream. Slowly she raised her hands and touched with her icy hands the warm ones of the older woman. "Just do that test. I want to be sure that I won't ..." her voice break and the doctor nodded understanding. "Of course." She whispered and felt so tiny. So bad, because she couldn't help that young woman. Although she wanted it so much. I am a doctor. I am a goddess in white. But even such a powerful goddess couldn't change the other's memories. Or even the past. "If you need anything. Just call me." Said the doctor and Haruka was sure that she meant quite a lot more with her words. Not only her help as a doctor. But also her help as a woman. "Arigato..." At that moment the door was pushed open and a young woman crashed into the room. Her sea green hairs hang in her red face. She gasped hard for breathe and red spots covered an old pullover. "Ruka! Oh my god! I was so scared about you!" shouted Michiru and was at the next moment at her lover's side. Haruka swallowed hard as she looked up into deep blue eyes she loved so much. As she felt the soft hand that reached tenderly for her icy one and started thoughtlessly to stroke it. I mustn't give up! "Hope our dinner doesn't burn in the meantime. Gomen, I didn't buy the cheese." The senshi of the wind forced herself to smile a wild, tomboy smile. Michiru only sighed and suddenly tears were running down her cheeks. "You baka!" She sighed again and sobbed desperately. "I was so terrified when I got the phone call. I don't know how I should live on without you or our Himme-chan." Declared Michiru and put that icy hand that was connected to a drip up to her now wet cheeks and hold it tight. Haruka swallowed hard and closed her eyes to enjoy that nice touch. And to forget the rough touches she had experienced just some hours ago. I mustn't give up! "Don't worry. I'd never leave you, Michi-chan. Nor would Himme-chan." She managed to smile but couldn't look directly into her lover's eyes. “What happened?” asked Michiru and choked oppressed. "Nothing happened, Michi-chan. Nothing special. I just had to beat down some guys. You know how I am." Haruka managed to laugh a thin, shaky laugh and felt how her lover squeezed her hand tighter. The doctor shook sadly her head as she left the room to look after the daughter of that couple. She won't tell her the truth. The older woman sighed and clenched her fists. The young woman didn't even blush when she lied to her girlfriend. Hope she's strong enough to handle it all alone. Otherwise her memories will haunt her down until she's broken...
Back to World in Fragments Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction