Chapter Seven: Preparations (Hotaru) The cold December wind was blowing through my long ebony hair as I took step after step. I had really let it grow long, I realized. Almost as long as Minako's. The old stairway was still in good shape despite the dozens of visitors everyday. Every step afterwards though was hard. The incredible pureness you could already feel at the bottom of the stairs was the direct opposite of what I felt inside. However, my decision had been made. I needed to do this in order to free not only me from the bonds of the horrible memories still snaring us after all those years but to free all of us. I had promised Usagi that and I would hold true to my word, it was so important for me too after all. I had talked about my intentions for Christmas Eve to Minako eventually when we had returned home yesterday. I knew she wanted to accompany me but this was something I had to do on my own. For them and for me. There simply was no other way. The gate was still there as I remembered it but as my eyes wandered over a distinctive familiar yard not much else reminded me of what this place had once represented. There was nothing of the life filling the area, only a few birds still nested in the large tree. The crows who had guarded this place for so long were nowhere in sight. Once Hikawa Jinja had been one of the holy places that would be a pinpoint for the rise of Crystal Tokyo. The energy of this place was almost gone now. Gone with the mana of the Senshi that once had dwelled here... There was no one greeting me. To my knowledge the poor apprentice had fled the shrine shortly after receiving the news. He was not the one I sought today though, my query I found in the prayer chamber, before the holy flame that was the symbol of Hikawa. I stood in the doorway to the room for several seconds, taking in the sight of the withered old man that had despite his age still seemed so energetic the few times I had been up here with the Inners after Galaxia's defeat. Gone was that energy and you could clearly see the signs of tiredness. Not only physically but in his whole posture and aura. The man was tired of life and I could not blame him. "Greetings, Hino-san." I really thought he should have sensed me by now since I had let my shields down partially but judged by his reaction and the speed he whirled around to face me, I should probably be glad that I hadn't given him a heart attack right away. I bowed slightly. "Gomen nasei. I didn't mean to startle you." The old man studied me for awhile, before the tired eyes flashed with a spark of interest. "You are... Tomoe, right? Tomoe Hotaru. What brings you hear after all those years?" This was the hard part and I felt a little bad about making this decisions without Usagi's consent. She had been closest to Rei and it should be her decision. Yet... I came here for reasons that required for me to be absolutely honest. Additionally, the sight of the crumpled priest that was barely holding on to life right now, pained me. He should know. Should know that his granddaughter had died in bravery. "Again I apologize for disturbing you at such an early hour but the reasons were to dire to entrust any other." I took a deep breath and looked the older man square in the eye who didn't even flinch. "First of all, I believe it is time to share the truth with you, what really happened six years ago." About an hour later it was deathly quiet in the small room we had retreated to. Hino-san was matching my cross-legged position in a regal, unmoving manner that somewhat betrayed the image of a cranky old man. All throughout the tale - and I had left out nothing important - he had been listening quietly, not once interrupting, not once asking a question. The serious, attentive mask never left his face and then I was finally finished the Shinto priest had simply picked up his cup of tea again and was taking short, leisure sips. I sat back drained. Trying to relax was hard. Retelling the story of the Sailor Senshi, not to mention that horrible day was difficult for my control and I had more than once let it slip, an occasion sob here, a whimper there. Hino-san had never said anything, just waited patiently. It pained me to relate this maybe even more than it had the possibility of hurting the older man but it had to be. Perhaps I should have taken Minako up on her offer to accompany me. She had known the miko better than me and would have been more understanding to the situation. However, I needed to do this for what I had planned and Minako was setting up the preparations. The released breath from the older man was disrupting the silence like a whip snapping - ugh, me and my metaphors - and I carefully looked up to meet his gaze. It was still intense but with a new level of softness that surprised me and helped me to relax a little. "I am glad that you finally shared this with me, Tomoe-san." Setting down the teacup he reached out to take one of my hands. I hadn't even noticed I was trembling but was not really shocked. My emotions were in a bit of a turmoil - that seemed to happen more recently lately. "I cannot even begin to understand what you all had to go through for so long but knowing that my daughter died in bravery, defending what she believed in and the ones she loved... It is refreshing for this old heart." He chuckled softly. "Maybe I can now finally get some rest." The words were said so casually they nearly failed to register. When they did I was not really sure what to say. I had seen it before, the liveliness, the dread to just let go and rest. Maybe the feeling that his granddaughter had died at the hands of evil had prompted him to resume his task so long. I felt partially responsible for that. And although it couldn't have been helped, I wondered if I just signed the man's death sentence. "Hino-san," I rasped out, grasping the elder's hand a little tighter. His eyes softened and I whimpered a little under his caring gaze. He had been known as a lively, slightly perverted old priest but in this situation I guess it became evident why he had earned the title. "Oh, don't worry about me, child. My time has not yet come. I trust God to call me then. But you, you must have endured a horrible trauma I cannot even begin to imagine. I wish you had come earlier." "Gomen nasei, elder," I managed in a steady voice, trying to catch my resolve and control. "I don't want to be rude but I don't think you quite understand how it is for our kin." If the priest had taken offense by this, he didn't show it. "No, I suppose I don't." Pausing for a moment to compose himself, he continued. "Your lie to me may be forgiven. I can very well imagine what was at stake for you. Your devotion to your friends and your... princess is a well- founded reason. Enough for me to understand." I could not deny that I was relieved at that. It had been a tough decision whether or not to share the truth with the families of the Senshi but once again reasoning had won. The danger was simply too great and at this time we had not known if we ever had to fight again even though we doubted our ability to do that at this point. The story we had decided came as close to the truth possible but couldn't be helped but looking as a cheap and unfair death accident. I was secretly glad it was an understanding priest and not a calculative and sharp doctor that I had to share this with. "Regardless, child, you said you came here and wanted to share this with me for a specific reason, I believe." I blinked at the change of topic and realized that for a moment I had actually lost sight of the actual motivation for coming here in the first place. "You are right, Hino-san. I require your help because you were the only one I could think of." The elder nodded for me to continue. "I want to do something that might help all of us and especially Usagi to cope better with the past. We realized lately that we had yet failed to properly let go. However, I do not think that in my tainted state I am capable of attending to a ceremony." I could have let Minako do it of course but my grasp on the spiritual was much better than hers. This had to be done right and precisely. A mistake could not be made or there might not be another chance. For a longer moment Hino-san rubbed his chin with one hand. "You do realize that a full cleansing ceremony would take a very long time though." I nodded at that. "But I suppose something temporally could be arranged for the time being. What is it actually that you are trying to achieve here." Choosing my words carefully, I went for a short, pointed answer. "Have you ever contacted the dead, Hino-san?" The elder's eyes narrowed but I withstood his gaze. Finally he heaved a weary sigh. "Do you have time?" I smiled a little. "I have to be back in the afternoon and I don't think you want to spent Christmas Eve working." That drew a short laugh out of the old man. "Oh, believe me. I might not practice the religion but I still cherish a free day." He stood up to stretch and turned to the sliding door with a sharp motion. "Please, follow me, Tomoe-san. This might require some effort and we have no time to lose." Getting up I stretched also and sent a grateful smile his way. "Arigato, Hino-san." The older priest answered with one of his own. "Do not thank me, it is my duty as a priest after all. You must promise me something though." I inclined my head a little, motioning for him to go on. "When you find the time, I want all of you up here for a proper cleansing." (Usagi) Christmas Eve. Finally. Well, in a few hours it is technically. I had been counting the days... Kami, I think I really need a life. Glancing at the pile of folders on my desk I just shook my head. After the holidays. I stepped in front of the mirror and gave myself a last, quick once-over. Than it had come to the question of what to wear, the problems had really begun. On this shopping trip yesterday I probably had bought more clothes than in the six years before. The problem was they either were too flashy and uncomfortable for a party with your two best friends alone or too plain for such events. Ah, the pains of real life, now I knew what I had not missed while playing little depression girl. I accepted my fate finally and after much contemplating settled on something plain, comfortable but not too shallow. A blue blouse and a white-grayish skirt, almost silver. Mamoru always said... had always said I looked good with blue. No, no sad thoughts today. Today was for fun, to relax and just be normal for a little while. Normal with your two friends who are a couple and who you happened to be in love with... Or at least you think to be. Darn! Life was not fair. I still had no idea what to do though. From the signs they had given off the last days and from the devotion I knew was still there, I had the distinct idea that Minako and Hotaru would gladly let me "join" them. Gah! How cheap was that? Really, I should stop thinking like that. They were together now, I helped them get there. I would not risk it again. Surely not for selfish reasons. And then there was still Mamoru...'s memory. Right? Right. Why was I so nervous then? I fumbled with the white bow I had put into my hair in an effort to surprise and maybe mock Minako a little. She had after all impersonated me so often in the past, a little payback was long since overdone. However, I was not quite satisfied with what looked back at me and I had only a few minutes before they would be here. Hmm... The clothes were fine, I already confirmed that. Lipstick was there too. A little makeup, looks just fine so what... Then it hit me suddenly and I recalled yesterday's incident with the dress. It had invoked such a flood of memories I had found it hard to sleep later. The reminder of the broken dream had weighed down on me heavily. I had been right after all. We never had a chance to really let go and leave the past - or was that the future? - behind us. I could have been a Queen by now. But that wouldn't happen anymore. That part of my life was behind me and even though I was not yet ready to accept it, I could at least try to get used to it. Reaching up determinedly I unclasped the bindings of my odangos and let the hair fall free down my back. Next I took the brush and soothed the golden mane that even Minako said she envied me for. Cutting the hair wouldn't be any good. It was naturally that way to enable the royal hairstyle. But what good was a royal hairstyle without being royal anymore? Not much, I suppose. Besides, I really wanted to change something drastically, just to show myself that I was serious about trying to come to terms with the past and making my own future now. So, cutting was out of the question. What to do? Ah ha. I braided my hair into a loose pigtail and took a red band to bind it together for the moment. Once again taking the bow I attached it just above the newly acquired pigtail and looked back into the mirror. Perfect. I nodded satisfied and turned away, heading out of the door and down the stairs. As I made my way down and past the kitchen I believe I drew quite some attention. Okaasan had been in the process of preparing Christmas dinner for the rest of the family but the sound of a spoon hitting the ground was a sure sign that she had seen me. That and my new look. "Usagi-chan!" Yup, as I had expected. Okaasan was standing there in the doorframe and looking at me wide-eyed for a few moments. I could not help but giggle and twirl around a little. "You like?" Stepping up to me my mother gave me this critical look you often get from parents. Usually it's kind of unnerving, especially when you're already twenty-four but this time I didn't mind. After a long, critical examination, she simply nodded. "You look good Usagi-chan. But from this getup you'd think you go on a date and not a party with your friends. You certainly could turn the heads of some men like this." I blushed a little. However, I suppose the flinch was more evident, it just hit too close to where my actual thoughts about this were centered around. "Usagi, I..." I held up my hand, forestalling the apology. Okaasan probably thought she had triggered some thoughts about Mamoru. "It's alright. I just wanted to look nice for some reason and do something... different. I promise you we talk about this but..." I stiffened a little as my mother's arms went around me before relaxing into an actual comforting embrace which was the closest in the touch department these days I had come with anyone except Minako and Hotaru. "I'll be there when you are ready. I'm just worried about you. I... Not knowing what..." I briefly stood on my toes and gave her a brief peck on the cheek. "Arigato." The spell was suddenly broken when Otousan and Shingo poked their heads around the corner, roused by the commotion. Shingo's jaw definitely hit the ground than he caught sight of my new hairstyle. While they younger man was simply rendered speechless, Otousan babbled something unintelligible, most likely lapsing back into his old routine of reacting to changes in my life. Which consisted of him thinking I was still twelve or something. Not that I had done much to uphold the picture of a grown adult lately. Before they could say anything, the doorbell rang. Actually I was not that surprised as the rest of the family since I had sensed Minako's energy for some minutes already. "That must be my ride then," I announced, beginning to move to the front door. While discussing where to have the party, Hotaru had suggested the use of a house just outside town that actually had belonged to Haruka and Michiru once. The contracts were all on them and technically she was the owner now. The house was near the cost line, not too far from here but from what Hotaru had said pretty secluded. Which actually was a good thing. I wanted this Christmas to be just with my friends. Nothing or nobody else bothering us. Composing myself I suddenly got a wicked grin on my face. I knew that Minako was standing just outside the door and she probably knew that I was here too, so... Yanking open the door, I put a huge, cheerful grin on my face and flopped the irate pigtail back over my shoulder for effect. "Hi, Minako-chan! How do I look?" The blonde nearly fell backwards on her butt - which really would be a shame to that tight driver suit she was wearing... Ack, get a grip, girl! My friend sputtered, muttering something incoherently. "Kami," she finally breathed and swatted my arm playfully. "You really know how to blow someone off their feet. Literally." I refrained from chuckling as she studied me quietly. I just remembered that time when Minako had come by after Endymion's kidnapping to take me to that salon. She had said that I would look good with a pony- or pigtail. Finishing her observation, Minako clapped her hands together and smiled. "You look great, Usagi. Not as good as I would look with a pigtail though." Grabbing my coat I quickly pulled it over and sent her a cocky look while passing. "Yeah sure. Do you want to bet?" She just laughed and waved to Okaasan who was wishing us a good time just now. "We let Hotaru decide?" "No fair!" I protested as we went up to her motorcycle. I could not help myself but I already felt a lot better about this. The insecurity of what to do about my two friends and my shady feelings was still there but just a few moments with Minako had already made me relax. To a degree it even felt like old times. Some gentle teasing, laughing and just having a good time. Even if that time would be short-lived. Whatever might happen over the holidays, I was a little bit less scared or nervous about it now. I decided to just let "it" happen, whatever "it" may be. The only drawback, I thought with some bitterness, was that it was only us. None of the others would be there. They never would be anymore. It was just us three now and somehow we had to deal with it. After Christmas of course. This was a time for good memories. The Kami knows we had to little of them in the last years. <A little earlier (Minako)> Setting down another candle I finished with the outer layer and moved to the middle. This is actually easy, I mused. The instructions Hotaru had given me were precise and I found myself remembering part of my lessons as Venus about rituals and the like. I never really listened much, the only one interested was Mars of course. Still setting up the requirements became easier with the extra memory set. I briefly paused in my actions, wondering if everything had went well with Hotaru and Rei's grandfather. I really had wanted to go with her but also acknowledged her reasoning that someone had to "set the stage". It must be difficult for her, remembering alone but relating everything again as well, including those memories that she hadn't even shared with me in detail... I knew Usagi had caught glimpses of the ordeal. Troubling the other blonde with asking though was something I could not bring myself to do. Quite frankly, maybe I was better of not knowing. The thing was, it was hard to handle. I was holding up as good as I could trying to support both girls. Hotaru needed it as much as Usagi did, her wounds had been reopened after such a long time and while Usagi quickly had Hotaru to help her she couldn't just give it back. Her efforts were focused on getting her own life back in order and deal with the crime done to her. That left my girlfriend to me as it well should be. However, I couldn't help but feeling helpless at times. I could deal with her sexual urges that became more frequent now that she had opened up to us. As an expert in the scene for years there was next to nothing I hadn't seen before. It scared me though that I was not able to properly understand and help her deal. I never had a similar experience and that left me often at a loss of what to do with her. Mood swings were just the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I spent hours watching over her restless sleep as her body shook and she wept silently from a nightmare that I could very well imagine what it was about. That was harder than dealing with Usagi's depression, I had at least understood the cause. Hotaru had told me after the intermezzo with Usagi that we needed to be "beside her" and that she wouldn't need someone to sit next to her all the time holding her hand. And I had understood that but doing the same for Hotaru was difficult with the additional emotional attachment involved - and lately I was slipping into the same mindset with Usagi. That little fact wasn't helping me either to concentrate on my current girlfriend. I should be concentrating on her, supporting her and not being torn between the two. Hotaru didn't seem to mind though. I was still deciding what was worse to bear. Finished with lighting the last candle, I stood up and stepped out of the circle, giving the pentagram a critical glance. There were a few herbs there too, as well as some "ritual oil" or something like that carefully scattered in between the outer pieces. All in all it looked fine. Felt fine too. "What do you say, Hotaru- chan? Satisfied?" Of course I had sensed her coming from afar already. It wasn't that difficult anymore, especially with that new level of a Senshi bond between us. A set of slender arms encircled my waist and I felt her head resting on my left shoulder. "Mmh, you can confirm that yourself." I reached out with a hand to play with her hair for a moment before turning around. Hotaru took me a little by surprise when I suddenly felt myself on the receiving end of a rare, tender kiss. That kind had been really hard to get the last few days. She pulled pack slightly and I threatened to crumble at the look in her eyes. So adoring, utterly peaceful and loving. I knew it had to be an effect of the purification but that didn't lessen the impact of the next words. "I love you." Said with such a honesty, I felt my knees going weak, it took me a long time to respond. Finally I simply drew her in for another kiss, this one a lot more desperate. And suddenly it was me who needed her. Not here though. And sadly not now. I had to get Usagi in a bit. Reluctantly I let her go. Hotaru had her eyes closed and a peaceful smile on her face. Indulging in the sight for a moment longer, wondering silently how long it would hold and how long it would take to get her there on her own, I guided the slightly smaller woman out of the room. The house... House, pah! Mansion was a better word! It was really spacious. Not overly huge in terms of size but with wide rooms and long halls that made you feel more free than out of place. The atmosphere was just right, especially for Christmas. There was a music room with a piano and an art room that spoke volumes of the house's previous owners. There were several bedrooms on the upper level that could be used... More than we would need of course. But this locations, Hotaru had explained to me, were meant mainly for emergency situations. And you should be prepared for everything after all. Everything had been well tended to when we arrived which put me off a little bit more. Such mechanics were a little creepy in my opinion. Even more creepy was the fact that I could actually see the Outers - especially Pluto - planning ahead for the possibility that they weren't around anymore. "Honestly now," I said after some time sitting down in a comfortable armchair, Hotaru in my lap. "How do you feel?" Her face scrunched up a little, for a moment deep in thought, before slowly forming a response. "It's... Weird. For some reason it's weird. I feel so good and pure although a part of me tells me I shouldn't be. And I really shouldn't be. He... he made me see all those horrible things again, made me... made me EXPERIENCE them again. Still... I feel much better now. Now, it isn't so bad all of a sudden. It wasn't my fault and not my failure either... I think. It was just... THEY were just evil. If I let the memories dominate me they truly have won in the end." She shook her head slightly as if clearing her mind. "It's not all gone, the feelings are still there, the urges too, but they are more... silent. I wish it would hold, I really do. But, he said it was only for a few days. We could all come back though to have a proper cleansing." I could see she really wanted that. Kissing her on the cheek I played with a strand of black hair. "Who would have thought the old pervert would actually be good for something," I smiled at her and she giggled slightly. "He is really good at this. You see everything with different eyes afterwards. I... I cannot say I'm completely healed like: 'Woosh, that's it! I'm cured' but..." I put a finger to her lips, enjoying the sparkle in her deep, purple eyes as she responded to my intense stare. "I love your eyes." I actually got her to blush with that one, something I hadn't been able to do since High School. I really had to thank Hino-san. This purification thing really had done wonders to her composure. She reached out and drew a fingertip around my left eye. "And I like yours." The seconds ticked by and turned to minutes, none of us daring to break the spell. I had caught her hands in mine and our foreheads were touching, noses almost following the example and blue locked on purple eyes. I knew how utterly cliché this is but the house could have been erupting in flames around us and we wouldn't have noticed. After a long time I finally remembered that I really had to go and get Usagi. I wasn't that much of a fast driver as Haruka had been and the distance to cover was not actually lightly. So, on the one side where was the urge to get our Princess up here as promised and on the other side there was continuing this picture perfect moment. Tough choice. I felt a little bit bold right now, fueled by Hotaru's refreshing openness. Leaning forward without warning, I put to use every bit of experience of being Venus - both the Senshi and the pseudonym - and managed to sneak my tongue between Hotaru's teeth and frenching her before she could even register what was happening. A surprised squeal was muffled by the instinct to kiss back and after another long moment, I pulled back to smile at her. She shot me undignified look and hmphed. Ah, pouty we are now, hmm? "Minako! You are a meanie!" The giggle somewhat disrupted the image of looking cross. I simply continued smiling. "If you say so. Would you excuse me now, dear, I still have a friend to get up here." She tries another pout, grasping my hands tightly. "Meanie." Oh yes, I think I liked a newly purified Hotaru. Laughing I gave her another peck on the lips and then gently sat her down on her feet. "Watch what you are saying. Or do you want to sleep alone tonight?" Chances were good that she would be far from alone this night but I was hesitant to bring this up, fearing to disrupt the good mood. Both of us knew somewhat how the other felt and that we just wanted to let "it" happen, when- or whatever. Of course, you can only hold yourself true to not bringing a topic up if the other party applies to the rules. "I ask Usagi then." I think I really must have looked funny that moment. For a moment frozen in half-movement towards the door, I suddenly spun around wide-eyed. Hotaru burst out into giggles and I frowned. She was taking this rather casually. And I do not believe that this particular issue was part of the purification. How can you purify positive emotions anyway? I huffed and turned away again, tossing my reply over the shoulder while leaving the room. "I ask her first." Kami, that weekend could really be fun. And I SO looked forward to have some fun. It had been so long after all.
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