Author's Notes: Okay, first of all, this is an unusually long omake. I'm just warning you all now. Secondly, I'm announcing now that omake thirty-five will be the last. I've had a wonderful time writing these, and I appreciate all the reviews and comments from everyone out there, but the time's come to say farewell to Mamoru Must Die. Anyways, enough with the sentimentality, on with the show! ------ -Omake Thirty-Three: Goddesses, Senshi and Duelists, Oh My!- Minako and Makoto came up to the Outer's mansion, both summoned by their communicators by a desperate sounding Setsuna. The thought of an anxious Time Senshi was enough to get them to race over to the mansion as quickly as possible. Minako knocked on the door, and was taken aback when a strange-looking robot thing opened it. "Um... Hello?" the Senshi of Love muttered. "Mina-chan!" a disheveled-looking Setsuna cried out as she ran to the door and hugged the blonde. The usually elegant-looking woman's hair looked unkempt, and she had dark bags under her eyes. Makoto walked past the two into the mansion, stopping to remove her shoes before entering the living room. There were tiny little robots scurrying around everywhere, as well as a strange young dark-haired girl holding Chibi Chibi. On the couch she saw Sappho of all people, as well as a rather well-endowed woman sitting in the poetess' lap. As Setsuna and Minako came up behind her, she turned to the Time Senshi. "Sets-chan?" Makoto began, "Wh... What in the world's going on?" "Chibi Usa and Hotaru were babysitting Chibi Chibi, when Small Lady decided it would be a good idea to order a pizza..." as she went on to explain the rest of the story, Michiru walked in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee, her beautiful aqua locks pulled back into a ponytail. She was soon enough followed by Haruka, who listened as Setsuna finished her story. "Sets-chan, you look awful." Minako said. "Well, I ended up sleeping on the couch last night," her girlfriend explained. "Really?" the blonde asked, "Why?" "Because," Michiru spoke up, pointing to the Greek and the goddess cuddling on the couch, "Those two beat her to her room." "Oh my..." Makoto's voice drifted off, "I hope when this is all over you'll remember to change your sheets." "Are you kidding?" Setsuna asked, "When this is all over, I'm fumigating the room, after I replace my mattress." Haruka walked over through the obstacle course of robots, "Look, we're at a loss here," she grudgingly admitted, "We're not sure what to do at this point." "Didn't you try to get a hold of Ami-chan?" Makoto asked. "She's studying for her medical exams, isn't she?" Michiru asked between sips from her coffee mug. "Not today," the Senshi of Lightning answered, "Right now she's working at her summer job. I'll call her up and get her over right away," she said as she pulled out her communicator. ------ On the front lawn of the Mizuno house, Ami sat at her small stand. A sign reading "Psychiatric Help, Fifty Yen" hung from the front of the stand, and business today was booming. There was a small line waiting for her help, as well as the young man with the long green hair she was currently taking care of. "...So anyways, I wanted to be the prince, and show Anthy something eternal by unleashing the power of Dios, but because of these problems with my temper I... I ended up abusing her, smacking her and..." "Hey, Saionji, do you mind?" a man with long red hair said acerbically as he stood waiting his turn with Ami, "Your time with the psychiatrist ended five minutes ago. Besides, I have way more pressing issues than you do; I'm obsessed with wealth and power, and in that stupid Utena movie it turned out I was a ghost. To say nothing of my bad childhood memories of my adoptive father I never fully dealt with." "Yeah," a young, almost effeminate young man with short blue hair said, adding, "And I have sibling relationship issues that would make Freud cringe. And as for that Utena movie," he said addressing the red haired man in line in front of him, "I didn't really get it. I mean, sure I was in it, but there were parts that just confused the heck out of me." "Really?" The man in front of him asked, "Like what?" "Like, okay, the beginning where Utena's sitting in that classroom with all the blackboards moving around in weird ways, what was with that?" "Well, okay Miki, I'll help you," the redhead said smugly, "Remember, you can't take anything from the movie at face value. I think that was supposed to symbolize the transitory nature of knowledge and..." "Miki, Touga, do you mind?" Saionji said angrily through gritted teeth as he stood up from the chair and faced the two, "I'm here for help, damn it! If you two idiots don't shut up, I'm going to bury my boot up both your asses! Besides," he continued, "If you'd bothered to listen to Ikuhara-sempai's director's commentary, you'd know he was using that whole blackboard scene to let the viewer know they were now entering a different type of reality," he said irritably as he sat back down and faced Ami again, "I'm sorry, where were we?" "Your trouble with controlling your anger and certain tendencies on your part towards cruelty," the Senshi answered. "Oh yeah, right. Anyways, I..." the sound of a cell phone cut him off as Ami pulled her communicator out of her purse and answered it, "Hello? Mako-chan, what's wrong dear? WHAT? Okay, tell Ruka-kun and the others I'll be right over," she said as she hung up, "I'm terribly sorry about this, but there would appear to be an emergency. We'll continue this later," she said as she got up and ran down the street in the direction of the Outers mansion. "What th... Hey, I'm not done yet!" Saionji yelled after her angrily. "Way to bogart the time," Touga said snidely. "Oh shut up." "You know..." Miki said thoughtfully, "While I do acknowledge that what the director says is certainly important in a discussion like this, since the whole film is an allegory couldn't that mean that the scene could have more than one meaning? I mean maybe it both serves as a way of letting us know we're in another world and of commenting on the transitory nature of knowledge." "I see..." Touga said thoughtfully, "So you'd use a phenomenological model in regards to The Adolescence of Utena as opposed to a Thomistic or Cartesian one?" "Exactly, I mean..." "Urgh, you two are giving me a headache," Saionji said irritably, "Although I will admit, I was confused by one or two things in the movie as well. Like, okay, the whole thing with the prince." "The prince was an archetype," Touga said. "Jungian archetype or Joseph Campbell archetype?" Miki asked. "Well I..." "No no no," Saionji interrupted, "Utena said she and Anthy killed the prince together, right? But I thought Utena wanted to be the prince, didn't she?" Both Touga and Miki were silent as they thought about that. Miki began to open his mouth, but then closed it as he realized he didn't have an answer. Touga reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone, quickly dialing a number he'd memorized a while back. "Hello, Juri? Touga, I... Yeah, right, long time no see. Listen, are you busy at the moment? Good, because Miki, Saionji and I are in need of some help..." ------ "Okay Chibi Usa," Ami said as she pulled the future princess aside, "Tell me the exact wording of the wish." "Well, I told Skuld in regards to Chibi Chibi, ‘I wish she could have a friend like you around all the time.' Then everything became crazy and I..." "It's alright," Ami said as she patted the clearly upset teen on the head. She then walked past Urd and Sappho as she made her way through the many robots in the room over to Skuld, "Hello," she said to the goddess holding Chibi Chibi, "I'm Ami." "Skuld," the young goddess answered as she held her hand out. Ami shook it as Chibi Chibi fell asleep on the dark haired young goddess' shoulder. "Skuld, have you tried to talk to your superiors yet? You know, explain that this whole thing was a big misunderstanding?" "I tried, but by then it was too late; the wish was already entered into the system." "Hmm..." Ami said thoughtfully as she walked away. She went into the kitchen where the others were. "Well?" Makoto asked. "Tell me you've got a plan," Haruka said hopefully. Ami shook her head mournfully, "The wish has been made," she said, "There's nothing I can think of to break it." "You... you mean, we're stuck like this?" Setsuna asked despairingly. Minako quickly took the Time Senshi into her arms to console her as Ami pulled her communicator out. "Who are you calling?" Hotaru asked as she stood next to her Michiru-mama. "This is a problem for all the Senshi," Ami answered as she dialed a number, "Hello? Usagi-chan?" -A Short Time Later- "So let me get this straight," Mamoru said as he drove his car with Usagi sitting in the passenger seat, "Chibi Usa tried to order a pizza, and got a goddess instead?" "Exactly," Usagi said, "Ami sounded pretty troubled by it, and..." the future queen of Neo-Tokyo was cut off by Mamoru's chuckling, "What's so funny?" "Well, she thought with her stomach, and a disaster resulted. She's definitely your daughter," he laughed. "Hey!" Usagi whined, "Stop picking on me! Besides, this is serious." "Oh, I'm sorry," Mamoru said as he reached over to rub his fiancée's shoulder consolingly, "Now, tell me again why we have to pick Rei up at the shrine?" "Because her car's in the shop, and it'll be quicker than if she waited for a bus." Usagi answered as Mamoru drove around a curb, the two driving by Ami's house on their way to the shrine. Outside Ami's house, a strange meeting was taking place... ------ "Okay, look," the dashingly beautiful Arisugawa Juri said, "I can't stay long, the Locket's going to be opening in a few hours. Anyways, I think she said she and Anthy killed the prince because, by entering the real world together, they ended the fairytale, making the prince no longer necessary. Yes, Utena did want to be a prince, but that was before, when they were still living in the safety of the make-believe world of the school grounds and..." "The butterfly thing," Touga murmured. Juri and the others looked at him funny, "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't quite catch..." "The butterfly thing, okay," Touga said louder, "What was with the whole Shiori turning into a butterfly thing in the cabbage patch? You know... When I lost my innocence to my adoptive father," he said uncomfortably. "Well, um..." Miki stuttered out. "I thought she was more of a moth in that scene than a butterfly," Juri answered. "In the movie, you're already dead before it begins," Saionji reminded, "Well, there's actually two of you in the movie. There's the Touga made up of Utena's memories, and the Touga made up of Shiori's memories." "That still doesn't explain the butterfly thing," the redheaded young man pointed out. The four former duelists stood out on the sidewalk in front of the psychiatry stand in silence for several minutes as they struggled with that. Finally, Juri took out her cell phone. "Hello, Utena?" the orange haired beauty said, "It's Juri, I... I'm fine. Listen; are you and Anthy busy?" -Meanwhile- "Mamoru," Rei said angrily from the back seat of the car, "That's just mean, making fun of Usagi like that!" "Huh?" Mamoru asked, "What are you talking about? You put her down all the time." "I'll tease her, sure, to get her to see where she's wrong and try to act more mature, but I wouldn't make a joke about her and Chibi Usa like that. That's just insulting to both her and your future daughter." Usagi smiled a bit as her friend tried to defend her, "Thanks Rei," she said gratefully. Rei nodded as she muttered, "If you were mine, I sure as hell wouldn't treat you like that." Unknown to the raven-haired Senshi, Usagi heard her. Mamoru parked his car in front of the Outer's Mansion, and the group went in. Their eyes widened in shock at the chaos going on in the house. Haruka came out and motioned for the three to join her and the others in the kitchen. Weaving their way past the robots, the three walked past the couch where Sappho was whispering something into Urd's ear that caused the goddess to giggle like a school girl. In the kitchen, a small council of war was taking place. "Beer?" Haruka asked Mamoru, who nodded. She quickly passed him a bottle. "Okay," Michiru said, "I want those robots, those two goddesses and that Greek out of my house now!" "Michiru-mama?" Hotaru asked, "I thought you were a fan of Sappho's." "That was before she and that Urd woman went at it like rabbits in the room next to mine!" she growled, "Your Haruka-papa and I didn't get a wink of sleep last night!" Just then the doorbell rang. The Senshi in the room all looked nervously over to the front door. "Not another..." Setsuna began. "Calm down," Rei spoke up, "I'll go see who it is," she said as she left the kitchen and made her way through the living room to answer the door. Opening it, she saw a pleasant-looking young woman on the other side. "Hello," she said, "Have you seen my sisters Urd and Skuld, I..." her voice died away as she saw the tiny robots running around the room and Urd on the couch sitting on a strange woman's lap, "Skuld!" she yelled out, "Get out here!" The Senshi in the kitchen looked into the living room as Skuld came out with Chibi Chibi in her arms, "Belldandy!" the little sister said cheerfully, "I..." "Look at all this," the goddess gently scolded, "You're a guest here, did you get anyone's permission to make all these bots?" "Huh? Well... No... But I..." "You dismantle them all this instant young lady," she said, watching as her younger sister hung her head and left the room, the robots following her single file. Belldandy then went over to Urd, grabbing the goddess by the earlobe and pulling her painfully off Sappho's lap, "And you," she said, "It's your fault Skuld's stuck in this mess. Go back to the temple and come up with something to help her." "Ow, okay!" Urd said as she held her now sore ear. She proceeded to disappear into the TV. As the Senshi emerged from the kitchen, Belldandy bowed to them. "I'm terribly sorry if my sisters have been an annoyance," she said as the Outers all breathed a sigh of relief that someone had shown up capable of bringing some order. Usagi meanwhile was focused on Rei, who was standing on the other side of the room. Rei's words kept going through her head, "If you were mine..." She felt a strange stirring inside her heart, but was unsure what to make of it. She then looked over to Mamoru, who was sitting down in a chair as he set his beer on the coffee table in front of him, and frowned sadly when she realized she didn't feel the same stirrings for him. -Elsewhere, Outside Ami's House- "...Then why call me and Anthy?" Utena asked the group of former duelists, "Why not ask Shiori why she turned into a butterfly?" "Because," Juri admitted, "It would be a bit... awkward for me to call her." "Besides, you know Shiori," Miki added, "If we admitted to her we needed help to understand the movie, she'd never let us live it down." "Fair enough," the pink-haired duelist conceded, "Okay, let's see... Before there's a butterfly, there's a caterpillar, right? Okay, then there's the cocoon, and finally the adult stage. Now, in the scene where you lost your innocence, the butterfly could represent your transition from innocent child to the darker power-hungry person you'd become. Power which you may have hoped would offer you protection and insulation from your childhood traumas." "But..." Anthy spoke up, "I thought she turned into a butterfly as a sort of foreshadowing of our emergence into the real world and our escaping the cocoon of the academy. After all, she was naked in that scene, and you and I were naked as we entered into the real world." "Well," Miki said thoughtfully, "In both cases the nudity could be seen as a symbol of rebirth..." "Or a return to innocence," Juri quickly put in. "Urgh, this is RIDICULOUS!" Saionji cried out as he held the sides of his head, "How in the hell could the lot of us star in a movie about ourselves and have no idea what the fuck any of it meant?" "I know," Touga said shaking his head, "Shiori turns into a butterfly, then turns into a car to chase Utena who also turned into a car." "Exactly!" Saionji shouted, "What was the whole deal with the car thing? And the castle was a gargantuan big rig?" "Well, okay," Juri spoke up, "The car represents freedom..." "And then there's the idea of Utena being the vehicle through which I gain my freedom from Ohtori," Anthy added. "But wait," Miki suddenly said with a frightened look in his eyes, "Since everything in the film is some sort of a metaphor, what if the love you and Utena feel for one another is also a metaphor?" "What?" Utena asked. "Sure," Touga said, "Think about it; what if you and Anthy aren't really lesbians? What if the whole kiss scene at the end was just a metaphor for something else?" "That's ridiculous!" Utena said angrily, "It was the love we discovered for one another that gave us the courage to leave Ohtori!" "Maybe," Saionji said, "Or maybe that's just the way you've chosen to interpret it." Utena looked at the young man silently for a few seconds before quickly reaching into her pocket for her cell phone... ------ "Good news," Urd said as she came back out of the television carrying a chemical beaker with a strange green liquid in it, "I think this will solve at least some of our problems." She said as she poured some of the substance into a small spoon and gave it to Chibi Chibi. The toddler suddenly started to glow bright white as she began to grow, eventually transforming into a thirteen-year old. Skuld smiled as she saw the youngster. Chibi Chibi was quite attractive as a young teen, and the young goddess looked from her over to her older sister. "Urd," she said happily, "She's... Beautiful. You actually came up with a spell that didn't foul up somehow, I..." "Chibi chibi," the curvaceous young teen said, "Chibi chibi." "Oh no," Chibi Usa groaned. "She still has the mind of a two-year old," Mamoru said. "(sigh) Oh well, back to the drawing board," Urd said as she re-entered the TV. Just then, Michiru's phone rang. "Hello? Who? Oh, Utena," the artist said, "Yes, I remember you; from the Locket, right? What, now? Well sure, I remember Ruka and I saying for you to come over anytime, but..." Knock! Knock! Hotaru went to answer the door, and a small Ohtori Academy reunion came into the mansion. "...I mean, think about it," Miki said, "In the show, Utena's hair was long, and Anthy's was short. But at the beginning of the movie, it's reversed." "Okay, now you're just looking for things that aren't even important," Touga answered as he looked at the group of Senshi and goddesses in front of him, "Good grief, what is this?" "Oh, I know," Saionji spoke up, "That blonde chick in the pony tails over there is the star of that stupid Sailor Moon show. I saw maybe three episodes of the thing before it drove me into a rage and I ended up throwing the TV out my campus window. All she does is whine and do clumsy crap and whine and eat and whine and..." "Okay!" Usagi shouted as Juri, Utena and Anthy entered behind the three men, "We get the idea; you hated the show!" "It wasn't that bad," Miki said to Saionji, "The series does get better later on." As Juri and the other two women walked over to Michiru and Haruka, Makoto gave Ami a weird look. "Ami-chan?" she asked, "What's wrong? Why aren't you enforcing the whole ‘fourth wall' thing like you usually do?" "She can't," Miki spoke up, "Because I'm talking at the moment." Everyone in the room looked at the blue-haired young man with a puzzled expression. "Come again?" Rei asked. "We both share the same voice actress, Aya Hisakawa. I..." he was cut off as both Saionji and Touga began to snicker. "You're seiyu is a girl?" Touga managed to get out. "My... My god!" Saionji laughed, "I knew you weren't the most masculine guy in the world, but still..." "Hey," Skuld said angrily as she put Chibi Chibi down and stalked forward, "Leave him alone, or else!" "Huh?" Touga asked, "What difference is it to you?" "Hisakawa-sempai did my voice in the OVA and the Ah! My Goddess movie, that's what!" the testy goddess answered. "So wait," Makoto said as she turned to Ami, "Doesn't that mean you were kind of talking to yourself when you were talking to Skuld earlier?" Before Ami could answer, Saionji spoke up, "I don't care how talented the chick is, it still makes Miki look like a creampuff to have a girl as his seiyu," he said as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. Skuld narrowed her eyes angrily as she whipped out one of her Skuld Bombs. "Skuld!" Belldandy said sharply, "Put that down; we're guests in someone else's house." Once again the Outers smiled cheerfully at Belldandy's welcome influence over her sisters. Skuld grudgingly put the bomb down on the coffee table next to Mamoru's drink as she crossed her arms and sulked. Michiru and Haruka then turned to Utena, Anthy and Juri. "Sorry things are a bit weird around here today," Haruka offered, "What's wrong?" "Well..." Utena began nervously, not sure how to express what was happening. "They're not sure if they're really in love, or if they're love is simply an allegory," Juri said for her friends. "What?" Michiru asked disbelievingly. "Yes," Anthy said, "You see, we were all trying to figure out the movie we were in, and Miki brought up the point that, since everything in the film was symbolic, then maybe Utena and I aren't really lesbians, but only kissed at the end of the film to symbolize something else." "Well... Wait, why ask us?" Haruka asked. "Are you kidding?" Utena asked, "You two are the poster girls for anime lesbianism." "If anyone can help, it's you two." Anthy put in. Sappho, sitting nearby, heard the entire conversation. She got up, and made her way to the other side of the room, where another conversation was taking place. "Rei," Usagi said hesitantly, "What... What you said back in the car. You know, about if you and I were together... Rei, do you have some sort of feelings for me?" Rei looked into her friends eyes sadly, "Even if I did, what could ever come of it? Your engaged to Mamoru, remember?" As the two friends gazed upon each other mournfully, Sappho walked away, her mind starting to work out a plan. Meanwhile, Saionji, Touga and Miki were all standing near Mamoru. "So wait..." Saionji said, "You're trying to say the whole series was a dream?" "Right," Touga said, "Anthy's dream. She became stuck in the dream, though, and couldn't wake up, so the duels began to see who could wake her." "Where did you come up with that interpretation?" Miki asked. "Well, I..." "AAARGH!" Mamoru shouted as everyone in the room turned their attention to him, "That's it!" he said angrily, "Look, in case you jerks hadn't noticed, we're in the middle of a god damned omake here! Not only are you dragging this chapter down, but you're all morons for starring in a movie that you don't even understand!" "Now see here!" Saionji said angrily. "Mamo-chan," Usagi said, "there's no cause for..." "Look, this is a Sailor Moon parody," Mamoru interrupted, "Sailor Moon, not Utena! So why don't the lot of you take a flying leap into someone else's story," he said snidely as he reached for his beer on the coffee table. Unfortunately, not paying attention to what he was doing, he ended up grabbing the Skuld bomb instead, hitting the ignition device when he brought it up to his lips. -KA-THOOM!- As everyone looked in stunned silence at the remains of Mamoru that were smoking on the now demolished chair, Urd came out of the TV again with another chemical beaker. Ignoring the carnage in the room, she walked over to the now teenage Chibi Chibi and gave her the liquid to drink. "Mmm," the girl said, "That tasted good, I... Hey, I'm grown up now!" Chibi Chibi said cheerfully as she and Skuld proceeded to eye one another. At that time, someone let out a loud whistle, and everyone's attention was turned to the Greek in the leather jacket. "Okay," Sappho said as she walked over to Utena and Anthy, "I heard the two of you earlier. Utena, if I hit Anthy here in the face, what would you do?" The pink-haired duelist narrowed her eyes, "I'd make you pay for it," she threatened. "And," Sappho continued, "What if I kissed her?" "I'd beat you to within an inch of your life," Utena growled. "Well," the poetess said with a smile, "That sounds a lot like love to me." Utena's eyes widened. She turned to Anthy, "I... I'm sorry," she said, "I should never have doubted my love for you." "Or mine for you," Anthy said as she rushed into Utena's arms. Sappho then turned and made her way over to Rei and Usagi. "And as for you two," she said, "Usagi, your fiancée is gone. I can see the looks of longing you and Rei have been giving one another. There's nothing to stop the two of you now." Usagi looked over to Rei, and smiled. Rei smiled back tearfully as she took the blonde in her arms and kissed her. "Wow," Urd said as she came up to the poetess, "I'm impressed." "Heyyyy," Sappho said as she stuck her thumbs up in the air, "I'm the Sappho, remember?" "Well," Arisugawa Juri said, "Now that that's all taken care of, we'd better leave before we overstay our welcome," and with that, she and the other Ohtori alumni left the Outer's mansion." "And speaking of overstaying their welcomes," Setsuna said, "Sappho, I think it's way past time for you to return to ancient Greece." "Very well," the poetess said dejectedly. She then turned to Urd, "You coming along?" Urd turned to her sisters, "Belldandy, Skuld? Would you mind?" "Not at all," Belldandy answered, "Just remember to stop by and visit once in a while." Urd smiled cheerfully as she hugged her fellow goddesses and entered the timegate with Sappho and Setsuna. "Well wait a second," Chibi Chibi said, "What happens now to Skuld and me?" "Well, there's plenty of room at the temple now that Urd has gone to ancient Greece," Belldandy said, "The two of you can come back with me, and these nice lesbians can have their house back." "Sounds good to me," Skuld said as she and Chibi Chibi left out the front door. "We have the house back!" Michiru shouted joyously as she hugged Haruka. Setsuna likewise hugged Minako happily as the Inners slowly began to filter out of the mansion. "Well," Rei said as she walked off hand in hand with Usagi, "Now that we're officially dating, what do you want to do first?" "Whatever you want, my love," Usagi smiled as she drew Rei into a kiss. -To Be Continued- End Notes: Dedicated to everyone out there who saw The Adolescence of Utena the first time and went "w.t.f.", but especially to Sawayuri Akira over at shoujoai dot com for starting a conversation a short time back about confusing aspects of the Revolutionary Girl Utena movie, and Kripfto for supplying most of the answers. It got me to thinking; what if the characters themselves were just as confused as some of us are?
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