Author's Notes- Good God; thirty chapters! Thank you to all my regular reviewers, and especially to those who have been here since the beginning. The updates aren't as regular as before, I know, but that's largely due to the fact that I'm now writing a second fanfic series, the Noir spoof The Mireille Bouquet Show, as well as an original story over in fictionpress dot com. Also, do you all have any idea how hard it is to continue coming up with this stuff after all this time? Anyways, enough of my babbling, on with the stupidity... ------ -Prologue- "Chibi chibi," the cute little girl in the Outers' mansion cried out cheerfully. With Chibi Chibi were Chibi Usa, Hotaru, and the other Outers. "You cured her," Michiru said happily. "Well, we received some help from Ami actually." Chibi Usa pointed out. "Good going firefly," Haruka said as she playfully ruffled her daughter's hair. "Thanks Haruka-papa," the young Senshi of Death said. "Well," Setsuna said, "What say we celebrate with some fresh made lemonade your Michi-mama and I fixed earlier today?" "Chibi chibi," the little girl answered for everyone. As the group began to head for the dining room, Haruka accidentally stubbed her toe on the corner of the new love seat she and Michiru bought to celebrate their wedding anniversary. "OW!" the tomboy cried out as she began hopping around on one foot, "Son- of-a-bitch! Damn it! Aaaa! Shit that hurt, mother..." the blonde continued to yell out curse after curse as she hopped around in agony until she lost balance and fell forward, knocking herself out as she went head first into the nearby wall. Her family and friends immediately rushed to her side as Michiru frantically called for an ambulance. As Hotaru and Setsuna began to weep, Haruka let out a groan. She slowly sat up, clutching her head painfully as she blinked her eyes a few times. Michiru quickly came over to her after getting off the phone. "Ruka," she said tearfully as she took her wife in her arms, "Are you okay love?" "I... I think so," the Senshi of the Air answered, her voice sounding strangely higher than normal, "But what am I doing in these slacks? Don't I own any dresses I could be wearing?" Michiru and Setsuna's mouths fell wide open. Hotaru spoke up. "Haruka-papa, hold on," she said, "Michiru-mama called an ambulance for you, and..." "What, visitors?" Haruka asked, "I can't be seen like this; I haven't even had a chance to put my makeup on yet." As Hotaru and Chibi Usa's jaws likewise fell open in shock, Chibi Chibi silently watched the proceedings. She thought about everything that had just taken place, especially the little display of profanity Haruka exhibited as she stubbed her toe. Finally, she went over to the group of women surrounding Haruka. "Chibi Chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" she exclaimed, smiling broadly as the sirens from the ambulance were heard in the distance. ------ ---Omake Thirty: The Duel II- Japan, 1756. The Edo Period, a time in which Japan was in almost complete isolation from the rest of the world. The era of the Shogun, the Samurai... And the Akira Kurosawa spoof. Under the military might of the Shogun, a group of small but powerful feudal lords known as daimyo controlled most of the domains in Japan, some having their own armies of samurai and a few even influential enough to command their own navies. Answerable solely to the Shogun and, through him, the Emperor, they were much like their medieval European feudal counterparts, except far superior militarily. In the feudal city of Edo (later to become Tokyo when Emperor Meiji moved the capital there from Kyoto), a pair of powerful daimyo clans were gathered together to witness the wedding of the Lady Serenity and the Lord Endymion. The marriage was arranged at their births by their parents, and both were here to fulfill their duties to the clans. The Inner's clan consisted of Ladies Serenity, Minako, Makoto, and Ami. As they stood out in the field outside the temple where they were waiting for the other clan, Makoto noted a sad look in Serenity's eyes. "My lady," she began, "Why this sadness upon your wedding day? Should this not be the happiest day of your young life?" "Alas," the blonde wept, "I am to marry someone I've never met before, when in truth I love another." A few feet away from them, another conversation was taking place. "Mina-chan?" Ami asked as she noted her friend's face turning blue, "Are you okay?" "Kimono... too tight..." she gasped, "Can't... breathe!" Ami quickly loosened the poor blonde's obi (kimono sash) as the sound of hoof beats alerted them that the second daimyo clan, the Outers, had arrived, along with the lord they were guarding, Endymion. The lord strolled forward, a katana sword at his side, as he was followed by Ladies Michiru, Setsuna, Hotaru, and... "Oh wow, a wedding!" a woman in a bright pink kimono said excitedly, her face made up with lipstick, eye liner and blush. She smiled at the Inner's, who noted the beautiful cherry blossoms in her short blonde hair, "I love weddings, especially the chance to dress up for them!" For a moment there was silence, then Minako spoke up. "Lady Michiru?" she asked as she studied the beautiful newcomer, "Who is this that you and your clan have brought to the wedding? Where is the Lord Haruka?" Michiru rolled her eyes, "This is the Lord Haruka," she said exasperatedly, "Lo, before the omake even began my beloved did suffer an injury to her head, and... well..." "Ooo!" Haruka said as she noted Lady Serenity's wedding Kimono, "I love the pattern you had painted on your kimono. After the wedding, promise me you'll tell me where you got such beautiful clothing." "Enough of this," Lord Endymion said, "Let's enter the temple and get this over with!" "Not so fast!" a voice called over as a figure rode her horse over to the small group. It was the famous ronin Rei, her deadly sword resting at her side, "The Lady Serenity will not be marrying you today, Lord Endymion!" "Is that a fact?" the daimyo asked as he pulled his katana from its scabbard, "And who's to stop me, you?" "Her and her two pupils!" another voice called out as two youngsters rode up on small ponies, each holding wooden practice swords that looked almost as long as they were, "I, Chibi Usa, the descendant of a long line of samurai, and the young Chibi Chibi will stand by our master's side. Isn't that right?" she asked the other youngster. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" the younger girl said as she tried to wave her wooden sword around, lost her balance, and fell off her pony. Lady Ami made a face, "Not again!" "Don't blame Chibi Usa or me," Hotaru said, pointing at her "papa" who was currently picking flowers from the ground. "Enough of this!" Lord Mamoru shouted, "I'll not have my arranged marriage interfered with by a low-rank ronin like you!" Rei's eyes narrowed as she got off her horse. She turned to Chibi Usa, "This is between me and the Lord Endymion. You and Chibi Usa stay out of this, okay?" "No problem, Rei," the pink-haired youngster said as she passed something to the ronin, "Right Chibi Chibi?" The ultra-kawaii youngster looked up from where she landed and smiled, "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" Rei took the objects Chibi Usa passed her and seemed to fidget momentarily with the sides of her head. She then turned away from her two pupils as she drew her sword out. Lady Serenity watched tensely as her true love and Lord Endymion began circling around each other, each sizing up their opponent as they tried to find a weakness in the other. "You," he said as he took a stance, holding his sword with both hands off to the side of his body, "I cannot forgive you for trying to interfere with my marriage to the Lady Usagi, for... -Five Minutes Later- "...thirty chapters. I've been killed in one stupid way or another in every one of these things. I can't keep loosing forever. Sooner or later, I will end up with Usagi. It's simple law of averages; I'm average, I'll make it..." -Ten Minutes Later- "...and a Kurosawa spoof? I mean, come on! Does anyone out there even know who the hell Akira Kurosawa was? I mean, I..." Endymion's voice died away as he noticed something. All the members of both daimyo clans were sound asleep, bored into unconsciousness by the lord's seemingly endless lecture. There were only two exceptions; Lady Haruka, who wasn't paying any attention to the obnoxious daimyo anyway since she was making herself a crown of flowers, and Rei, who was still standing before him in a fighting stance, ready to fight. "H... How?" the stunned man asked, "Last time, in omake twenty, my redundant speech had you nearly comatose by this point." Rei didn't answer. Instead, she thrust forward with her sword, forcing Endymion to block. He then twisted his body so that Rei would rush past him, and used the hilt of his sword to hit the raven-haired samurai's wrist, causing her to drop her sword. "Done," Haruka said triumphantly as she stood up and placed the ringlet of flowers on her head. As she looked around to see all her companions asleep, Lord Endymion began to stalk towards Rei, placing himself between her and her sword. The desperate ronin picked up a rock and chucked it at her opponent, who ducked out of the way. The rock missed him, but clocked Haruka in the side of the head, knocking her out cold. She fell to the ground with a thud, waking up the person nearest her. Rei had hoped that the rock she threw would act as enough of a distraction for her to get past Endymion and grab her sword, but unfortunately the lord kept himself between her and her sword. He was about to move in for the kill, when someone came up behind him and shoved Rei's sword through his back. His eyes bulged out as he dropped his sword. "W... Who..." he gasped as he fell to his knees. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" a kawaii little voice said behind him. The daimyo looked up at Rei, his expression quizzical. "How... How did you keep from going asleep during my boring speech?" Rei smiled as she pulled the cotton balls Chibi Usa had passed her earlier out of her ears. "I learned my lesson last time," she said as Endymion fell to the ground dead. The ronin then rushed to her beloved Lady Serenity as a groan was heard over in the Outer's clan. "Ow, what the hell hit me?" Haruka asked as she clutched her head, feeling the bump the rock left behind, "I... Pink? Who the hell dressed me up in pink? And why do I have all these stupid flowers in my head?" Both daimyo clans were by now slowly waking up as Rei and Serenity were entering the temple hand in hand. Minako smiled happily as she watched the lady and the ronin going off to be married as, elsewhere, an overjoyed Michiru was hugging her partner, happy to have her old Ruka-kun back. "Well," Lady Minako said with a smile, "It looks like everything is as it should be." "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" "Well, almost everything," Ami quipped as she rolled her eyes.
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