---Prologue--- ---The De-Programming of Chibi Chibi Part IV: The Revenge--- Chibi Usa, Hotaru and Chibi Chibi went to the corner of the street to where a stand had been set up. Hotaru and her pink-haired girlfriend smiled as they read the sign on the corner stand. "Psychiatric Help, Fifty Yen." As they finally reached the stand, Ami appeared and held out a jar. Hotaru put the change in the jar, and she and her companions sat down. "Now then," Ami said cheerfully, "How can I help you three young girls?" Chibi Usa and the Senshi of Death both pointed to their diminutive companion. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" the cute little girl said with a smile. "Oh, oh my." Ami said. Chibi Usa nodded sadly, "We've been trying to cure her since chapter twenty, but nothing seems to work." "Well," Ami said, "You should have come to one of us adults for help sooner." "We did." Hotaru said, "We went to Mina-chan." ---Flashback--- "I know what you need Chibi Chibi." Minako said cheerfully, "You need a positive outlet to express yourself. And nothing's a better or more positive form of self-expression than karaoke!" "She's obviously never seen the live-action version of Sailor Moon." Chibi Usa whispered, "If I hear C'est La Vie! sung one more time I'm going to blow my brains out." As Hotaru began to snicker, Minako turned the karaoke machine in her room on. Once the lyrics began to appear on the screen, the bubbly blonde began to sing... -- We're off to outer space We're leaving Mother Earth To save the human race Our Star Blazers! -- Searching for a distant star Heading off to Iscandar Leaving all we love behind Who knows what dangers we'll find? -- We must be strong and brave Our home we've got to save If we don't in just one year Mother Earth will disappear! -- Fighting with the Gamilons We won't stop until we've won Then we'll return and when we arrive The Earth will survive With our Star Blazers! -- Once the music stopped, Minako chose a different song and handed little Chibi Chibi the mike. "Okay Chibi Chibi," the blonde said with a smile, "Now you try it." Little Chibi Chibi watched as the lyrics began to appear on the screen. She smiled widely as she brought the microphone up to her mouth. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" ---End Flashback--- "Hmmm..." Ami said as she contemplated the small child in front of her, "I think I've got an idea." "Really?" Chibi Usa said hopefully. "Yes. You see, as Hotaru pointed out in chapter twenty, so far in this ridiculous omake series all the female characters have been lesbians." the cute little genius said as she reached into a box behind her, "Now then, if my hunch is correct I... ah, here we go." she said cheerfully as she pulled out two cute little toy dolls. One of the dolls was a boy, while the other was of a girl. "Now then," Ami said, "Chibi Chibi, which of these two dolls would you most like to play with?" The cute little girl smiled happily as she pointed to the girl doll, adding "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" "Oh." Ami said in a sad tone of voice, "That's too bad Chibi Chibi. You see, the cute, soft little girl doll doesn't like bad language. And when you get older, other girls won't want to play with you either. You see, the only one who will want to be around you if you continue to use naughty words like 'bitch' will be the smelly, hairy, sweaty boy doll. And if you try to hug him, you'll only end up giving yourself rug burn from his four-o'clock shadow. You don't want that, do you?" Chibi Chibi looked sadly at both dolls. Finally, she reached for the girl doll. "Chibi Chibi!" the child cried, "Chibi Chibi!" "Ami-chan!" Chibi Usa said happily as the young genius passed the girl doll to Chibi Chibi, "You did it! You cured her!" "How can we ever thank you?" Hotaru asked. Ami smiled as she waved away their praise, "Don't mention it." she said, "I'm happy I was able to help." As Hotaru and Chibi Usa took Chibi Chibi and her new doll back to the Outer's mansion, Ami started to take down her stand. Makoto came up the street and walked over to her. "Mako-chan." Ami said cheerfully, "Want to help me bring this stand back inside?" "Of course hon." Makoto said affectionately, adding, "And when we're done, maybe we can go in your room and..." she leaned over and began whispering in the cute little genius' ear. "Oh Mako-chan," Ami said as she blushed, "You know how I love it when you talk dirty to me." ------ ---Omake Twenty-Three: Hippies Suck--- Hino Rei smiled as she watched Usagi. She couldn't remember when she last saw the blonde quite this happy before. As the bland muzak began to play over the intercom again within Tokyo International Airport, Mamoru returned with Ami, Makoto and Minako to join the two. "Mamo-chan." Usagi said happily as she looked out of one of the large airport windows, "Look, that's their plane! They're back! Naru and Gurio are back!" Mamoru couldn't help but laugh; Usagi's joy was infectious. Osaka Naru was Usagi's best friend in school, and after she and Umino Gurio married they went together to the U.S. for studies just as he had gone earlier. As the plane began to make its slow approach to the terminal, Mamoru's fiancée was bouncing in place with happiness. "She's so cute when she's like this." Minako said. Ami and Makoto immediately nodded their agreement. Rei just smiled wider; to her Usagi was always cute. Finally, after what seemed an eternity for the impatient Usagi, after everyone else exited the passenger plane Osaka Naru and Umino Gurio finally got off. Usagi stopped jumping. Her smile was replaced by a look of shock. Her best friend during her early school years had grown her hair down to the back of her calves, and was sporting bellbottoms, sandals, a hemp vest over a tye-dyed shirt, love beads around her neck, and was giving her a peace sign. Gurio was similarly dressed, but was also sporting a beard and shoulder length hair under a Native-American style headband. "N... Naru-chan?" Usagi asked, not believing her eyes. "Hey Usagi-chan, what's up?" Naru asked, staring at her friend through half-closed eyelids, "Like man, you haven't changed a bit." Gurio, sporting a goofy-looking grin as he munched on something, made his way over to Mamoru. "Wow, Mamo-kun." he said, "How's it hangin'?" -- "Naru-chan?" Usagi asked, "Wha... What happened to the two of you?" "Well, we started out at college, you know what I mean? And like, we were learning what 'the man' was teaching us. And then..." "And then what?" Makoto asked, speaking up for her nearly dumbfounded friend. "And then we heard about this cool band called Phish that was traveling near the college to give a concert..." -- "Hey Mamo-chan... He he he..." Gurio said as he started to giggle, "Are... Are you hungry?" "Well," Mamoru said as Rei looked on, "I suppose it has been a bit since breakfast, and..." "Here man," Gurio said as he pulled a plastic bag out of his vest pocket, "Try one of these, man. These brownies are outta sight!" "Well, sure." Mamoru said, trying to be polite as he avoided getting too close to the smelly ex-honor student, "Thank you very much." he said as he began munching away on the offered brownie. -- "So then I was like, 'Hey Gurio, let's trip. What do we have to loose?' I ended up tye-dying my hair and..." "Usagi!" Ami said as she pulled the blonde away from Naru, "We've got to do something about this!" "That's right." Makoto said, "The awful Americans have corrupted poor Naru and Gurio. They've been turned into a couple of dirty hippies!" "I know, but what can we do?" Usagi asked, a certain desperation in her voice, "I mean, Naru-chan's one of my oldest and dearest friends. I can't leave her and Gurio like this!" "I know what to do!" Minako said cheerfully. "Singing karaoke versions of Leiji Matsumoto anime series theme songs isn't going to help." Ami said, at which point Minako looked down. "However," the genius went on, "I do have a plan..." "Guys." Rei said as she ran over to the others, "We have a slight problem." she said as she pointed behind her. -- "Wooooooow..." Mamoru said as his eyes went bloodshot and he started smiling like an idiot, "Those brownies were aaaaawesome, man! Don't you have any more, man?" "Sorry man," Gurio said as he held up the empty plastic bag, "I'm all out man. I..." Gurio was cut off as Mamoru snatched the bag away from him and started licking the inside of it. "Hey man, that is not cool; save some for me!" Gurio yelled. -- "Oh no!" Usagi said, "They've turned my Mamo-chan into one of them!" "It's like the curse of the werewolf." Minako said. "Quick," Ami said, "Before this situation gets any worse we have to..." BOOM! The Senshi all ran to the airport window and looked out. "A youma!" Makoto exclaimed, "Quick guys, the hippies can wait. We have to stop that thing before it can cause any harm!" ------ "Oof!" Sailor Moon grunted as the youma, which looked a bit like a large purple T-Rex, tossed Sailor Mars into her. Sailor Jupiter was off to the side cradling Sailor Mercury, who'd hurt her wrist in the fight. Sailor Venus meanwhile began to maneuver towards the monster. "Venus Love-Me..." a rose flying down from the roof of the airport announced that help was on the way. And indeed, Tuxedo Kamen did appear in his cape and top-hat. However, for some reason when he transformed this time, instead of his usual tux he was wearing red and white striped bellbottoms and a tye-dyed turtleneck under his cape. As he began to approach the deadly youma on wobbly legs the beast roared angrily at him. "Shhhhh... It's okay man." Mamoru said as he shocked everyone by putting an arm around the youma's shoulder. Even the monster itself seemed a bit taken aback. "Don't worry, man. I can dig where you're coming from." Mamoru said as he began to giggle next to the monster, "It's like, the man, right? The man gets on your case, and you just feel like breaking stuff and making war. I know what's happenin' brother. But, like, war don't solve nothin' man, you dig? Like, there's too much war, and not enough love out there, you know what I mean man? So tell you what dude; you like, you know, chill out, and I'll get you some out of sight brownies man! What do you say?" The youma stared at the stoned out guardian of the Earth for a few seconds, then took its hand and knocked Tuxedo Kamen's head clean off his body. -- "Whoa." Naru said as she watched the proceedings from the airport window, "Not cool, man." -- "Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon screamed. As she gently moved Sailor Mars off her, she looked angrily at the youma in front of her. "Moon Tiara Action!" she yelled. A second later, the monster was no more. Sailor Moon turned from where the youma was standing before back to Sailor Mars. Mamoru was dead, but at the speed she was traveling when she collided into Sailor Moon, Mars could be seriously injured too. Usagi loved Mamoru, but she also secretly loved Rei too. She took the unconscious young woman in her arms. "Rei-chan." Sailor Moon said tearfully as the other Senshi gathered around, "Rei-chan, please. I... I don't want to loose you too." With that, she brought her lips to Sailor Mars's. At first nothing happened, but then Sailor Moon finally felt her friend begin to kiss her back. They opened their mouths and deepened the kiss; Sailor Moon felt her heart flutter as Mars moaned into her mouth. Finally, as the other stunned Sailor Senshi watched, the two separated. Sailor Mars opened her eyes and allowed a small gasp to escape her lips. "U... Usagi!" she said, "You... You..." "I know." Sailor Moon said sadly, "And I know you don't feel anything for me that way, but I thought you were dying and..." she was cut off as Sailor Mars embraced her. "I never said I didn't feel that way about you." she whispered into her friend's ear, "You just shocked me is all." and with that she pulled Sailor Moon into a longer kiss. "Well," Sailor Venus said with a smile, "I guess all's well that gets the worm." "So does that mean this omake's over?" Sailor Jupiter asked. "Fourth wall!" Sailor Mercury shouted, "And no, it's not over yet. We still have some unfinished business... ---A Short Time Later in a Certain Exclusive Penthouse--- "Ungh!" Gurio grunted as he struggled against the ropes holding him down to the chair, "What's going on?" "Yeah!" Naru said from the chair she was bound in, "Not cool!" "I'll tell you two hippy freaks what's up!" Usagi shouted, "You two used to be my best friends, but after leaving to go to the U.S. you two are now burned out peacenik pot-heads!" "That's right!" Rei said sternly, "And it's now up to us to bring you two back to normal. Ami," she said as she nodded to her fellow Senshi, "I leave it to you." "Thank you." The young genius said, "You see I've been thinking, and I think I found a way to counterbalance the psychedelic peace and love music you've been listening to. Naru, Gurio," she said as a curtain was pulled back to reveal three dangerous-looking hoodlums standing in front of a huge sound system, "Allow me to introduce you two to the violently misogynistic musical stylings of the Gang Stars. Take it boys!" she shouted as loud, bass heavy music blared up and Violent Homicidal Y took the mike. .... Yo! Yo! My bitch better have my do! An' if she don't I'm smackin' da ho! Hippies smell bad and they have to go! Blast a cap in a hippies head, oh no! .... As Seriously Deranged S jumped around screaming out "Yeah!" "What?" and "Okay!" Bitch Slapper T took the mike. .... I hate hippies, gonna cut em with a shard of broken glass! Stomp on their face, bury my foot up their ass! Always smelling foul, because they smoke that grass! They're an eyesore, gonna shoot them in the middle of class! .... After four more minutes, the Gang Stars finally stopped. As Rei, Usagi and Ami uncovered their ears, the three turned to see how Gurio and Naru were doing. "Wha... What happened?" Naru asked, "Where am I, and why am I tied to this chair?" "Naru-chan!" Usagi said cheerfully as she hugged her best friend, "You're back!" "Usagi-chan?" Gurio asked, "What the... The last thing I remember, Naru and I were in college thinking about going to some sort of concert. How'd we end up back in Japan, and why are we wearing these ridiculous clothes?" "I'll explain everything later." Ami said as both Rei and Usagi began untying the two, "For now, I want to thank the Gang Stars for bringing the two of you back to normal." "Yes, thank you." Usagi said, smiling gratefully through her tears. "Who would've thought the violent imagery of gangsta rap could be used for good." Rei said thoughtfully. "Let this be a lesson to you all then." Bitch Slapper T said. "You see," Violent Homicidal Y said, "Gangsta rap can be used for good as well as for evil." "Wow, I never thought of it that way." Usagi said. "And now," Seriously Deranged S said, "It's time for us three to be moving on. For you see, there are more injustices out there to be fought, more people in need of our special help, and more biiiyyyyaaatches to slap." And so Usagi, Rei, Ami, Naru and Gurio left the penthouse, and all was right with the world once again.
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