---Editorial--- "Ladies and gentleman," an annoyed voice began, "For no good reason whatsoever, here's yet another interminable editorial against the series Mamoru Must Die." Two women appear on screen standing side-by-side against the usual curtain background. "Greetings." the first one said, "I'm of course Princess Kakyuu. You no doubt remember me from Sailor Stars and the last omake." "And I'm Sailor Galaxia." the other stated, "You'll remember me of course as the villain of Sailor Stars, who was redeemed in the end by Sailor Moon's kindly heart, and who then ended the series by floating above the ground in her birthday suit with Usagi." "How could they forget?" Princess Kakyuu put in, "The images from that finale are all over the internet hentai sites. Do you have any idea how many places on the web have pictures of the two of you naked together?" "(sigh) Don't remind me. I'm still in litigation with the producers for leaking those behind the scene photos to the press. I mean, you make one little nude scene when you're younger, and for the rest of your life you're haunted by it. I..." "Galatia, dear." Kakyuu gently chided. "Oops, oh yeah. Right. Anyways, we're sure you out there at home are all wondering what in the world could possibly bring two one-time mortal enemies like us together like this. Well, if you pan the camera down you'll see why we're out here." The camera panned down to reveal Chibi Chibi standing between the two wearing gold chains around her little neck, a pair of sunglasses on her face, and her pink hair done up into cornrows. She smiled as she waved to the camera. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" she said in her kawaii little voice. The camera then panned back up to the concerned faces of Princess Kakyuu and Sailor Galaxia. "That's right ladies and gentleman," the Princess said, "This stupid omake series you're reading even now has taken cute little Chibi Chibi here, once the most kawaii character in anime history, and has turned her into a gangsta bitch!" "And where does the blame lay?" Galaxia asked, "Sadly, it lies with both the author of this trash and the viewing public who reads this. And poor little Chibi Chibi here is the victim." "Good point Galaxia, and very well put." Princess Kakyuu said. Galaxia suddenly smiled at the woman next to her. "Well I... Really?" the most powerful Sailor Senshi of them all asked, "You really think I did a good job there just now?" "Wha... Well, of course. You have a very commanding voice. I first noticed it of course when you were possessed by Chaos and trying to kill me, but now that you're a good guy again you still have a marvelous speaking voice." "Wow... Thanks." Galaxia said as a slight blush suddenly colored her cheeks, "You know," she began, "You have a good... No, a beautiful voice yourself. It matches well the beauty in your face." Now it was the Princess' turn to blush, "Th... Thank you." she said, adding, "You're... Quite the looker yourself, you know." "Really?" Sailor Galaxia said stepping closer. "P... Princess... Can I call you just Kakyuu?" she asked. "Of course." the Princess answered. "Kakyuu, would... Would you like to... Maybe go somewhere to talk. You know, possibly get to know each other a little better? I mean, we're no longer trying to kill each other, so..." "I... I'd like that." Kakyuu said as she met Galaxia's eyes, "I know just the place, too. It's in a fanfic by Shanejayell two stories over. If we leave now, we should be able to get a good table." With that, Princess Kakyuu put her hand in the crook of Galaxia's arm as the two continued to stare mesmerized into each other's eyes. As the two wandered off smiling, the camera panned back down to the ghetto-ized Chibi Chibi. "Chibi chibi biiiyyyyaaatch!" the kawaii little thug said as she flashed a gang sign. ------ ---Omake Eighteen: The Fairy Tale--- Once upon a time, in the enchanted land of fairies, unicorns and goblins known as Crystal Tokyo, there was a terrible fire-breathing dragon who did steal the young and beautiful Princess Serenity away from the Kingdom, along with three of her beautiful Ladies in Waiting. There was the elegant and refined Court Musician, Lady Michiru. The strong yet cute Court Cook, Lady Makoto. And finally the beautiful Gate Keeper, Duchess Setsuna. The Kingdom of Crystal Tokyo was outraged by this cruel action taken against the four helpless young lasses, and in the great meeting hall the Duke of Ellington, the Count of Basie, and Louis of Satchmo all decided that something had to be done and done immediately. Scouring the Kingdom for the bravest and finest to go slay the dragon and save the four maidens, they ended up with a knightly dream-team of Prince Endymion of Hapless, Sir Ruka of Butch, Sir Rei of the Sacred Flame, Sir Mina of Quirky, and Sir Ami of Grey-Matter. And of course Sir Not Appearing in this Fanfic. "Brave Sir Knights," Louis of Satchmo began in a gravelly voice, "Together you five shall set out in search of the foul monster. With you go our hopes and prayers, as well as our three best young squires, Seiya, Taiki and Yaten." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello." the three squires in question sang out as they now came into the Royal hall. Rei raised an eyebrow. "They're our squires?" the raven-haired young knight asked skeptically. "They don't look like much." Sir Ruka of Butch said, pointing at Seiya as she added, "Especially that one." "Now, now." Prince Endymion of Hapless interrupted, "He just said they were the best squires, did he not? I'm sure we'll be in competent hands." "Certainly, we're all incompetent." Seiya said in reply. Taiki looked over angrily at his fellow squire. "Pick out two." he ordered as he held his hand in front of Seiya. "One, two. OW!" Seiya shrieked as Taiki poked him in the eyes. "Hey, leave him alone." Yaten said, only to be answered for his troubles by a smack to the face by Taiki. "Quiet numbskull!" the taller squire threatened. Sir Mina rolled her eyes. "If those three are to be doing that all through this knavish story, then this is going to be one loooong omake." the blonde knight quipped. "Fourth... aw, forget it. I do give up." Sir Ami said as she bowed her head and raised her arms in defeat, "Let us just cut to the next scene already." ------ In a dark stone room near the top of a large stone tower, four beautiful young women were chained to a wall. "My Princess," Duchess Setsuna said sorrowfully, "I'm afraid we've failed you." "No," Serenity said, "Surely you have not failed me yet. None of you have." "Serenity," Lady Michiru began, "How can you say that? We're you're ladies in waiting; it's our responsibility to..." "We're only failures if we give up." Serenity answered, "I'm sure that even now a rescue party is being put together by the nobles at Court, and we may yet escape this foul villainy." "That's right," Lady Makoto said, adding, "Always remember; as long as there is life there is hope, and..." her voice trailed off as the heavy sounds of something large coming toward them up the tower stairs could be heard. Suddenly, the huge red dragon in question came into the room through the large door, its huge membranous wings pulled in tight to its sides to give it the necessary clearance. "Heaven's to Murgatroyd." the dragon said in a slightly effeminate voice, "Next time I kidnap a princess I should use a larger prison, a big cave even." "Ugh." Serenity grunted as she pulled against the chains holding her fast to the wall, "What do you want, o fearsome one? Why have you kidnapped me and my Ladies in waiting?" "Oh that?" the dragon asked with a smile, "I want to be in control of the Kingdom, the throne even. I already have a large enough secret stash of gold under this tower to hire my own army, mercenaries even. But I decided to instead go to the top and kidnap you, the Princess even. This way I'll keep my gold and the nobles will give me the Kingdom to get you back, safely even." "And... And pray, what of us?" Lady Michiru asked nervously. "Oh, I plan on eating the three of you. You're my dinner, supper even. I..." the scaly monster's voice trailed off as the sound of a squire's trumpet announced the presence of the Royal Ladies' rescuers. The monster looked out the stone window behind Duchess Setsuna. "Heaven's to Murgatroyd." the dragon said, "It looks like a gaggle of Knights, Dragon-Slayers even." He then turned to the four captives, "You girls wait here while I take care of this. Exit, stage left." he said as he left the room. ------ Tension filled the brave group as the knights quickly dismounted from their horses and put on their helmets, arming themselves with their swords, shields, spears, bows and arrows and battle axes. As Yaten finished blowing on his trumpet, the deadly dragon appeared in the skies above them, flying around in circles high above the rescue party as billowing flames belched from its cavernous mouth. As the knights anxiously awaited the dragon's attack, Taiki turned to Seiya. "Listen puddin' head," Taiki said, "This may be our big break." "Right." Seiya said as he fearfully watched the dragon flying above them, "We'll make a break for it while they're not looking." Smack! "Not that kind of break you ignoramus!" Taiki said, "I mean this may be our chance to become knights." "How are we going to do that?" Yaten asked as he came over to his fellow squires. "Simple stupid; you grab that extra spear Sir Rei of the Sacred Flame brought with her. Seiya, you take that spare bow and arrow hanging off the rear of Sir Mina of Quirky's saddle." The two quickly grabbed the objects and yanked them over, in the process both ended up getting Taiki in the gut with the blunt end of the weapons. "Eh, Taiki, we're sorry." Seiya said as Taiki clutched his abdomen painfully. "Does it hurt?" Yaten asked. Taiki narrowed his eyes as he frowned angrily at his two fellow squires. "No, does THIS?" he asked as he smacked them both. Meanwhile, Sir Ruka of Butch clung white-knuckled onto her large sword, her shield held up in front of her. She looked over to her right to see Sir Ami of Grey-Matter, sweat beginning to run down the nervous young knight's brow. "Hey, Sir Ami?" The sandy-blonde knight asked as she tried to distract Ami from the upcoming combat, "Should we live through this, what do you plan to do?" "Well," the smaller knight answered as she held onto her spear, "You know the taller Lady in waiting, Lady Makoto? I..." she blushed as her voice dropped to just above a whisper, "I'm going to ask for her hand. Yourself?" Sir Ruka smiled, "I have my eyes set on the aqua-haired lass, Lady Michiru." she answered. She then turned to Sir Mina, her golden locks all but covered by the heavy metal helmet she wore upon her head, "Good Sir Mina, when this is all over..." "The fair Duchess Setsuna." she answered, not waiting for Sir Ruka to finish her question, "Hers is a quiet and mysterious beauty, but it has still captured my heart. She would be a welcome, calming influence upon me. And you good Sir Rei?" the blonde asked as she turned to the knight standing to her left. Sir Rei of the Sacred Flame almost answered, but held her tongue when she turned to Prince Endymion the Hapless. He it was that was engaged to the good Princess Serenity, and it was no use pining away for a love that would never be hers. She was pulled out of her thoughts as the dragon suddenly came down in a spiraling nosedive, pulling up at the last moment and knocking both knights and squires down by the force of its backdraft. The monstrous creature then came down to land behind the group, meaning that the three squires who were behind the knights before were now in front of them. "Come on numbskulls!" Taiki said, "Now's our chance to... Hey Seiya! You're holding the bow backwards stupid." "What?" Seiya asked as he let the arrow go sailing behind him. Ka-Thunk! The three squires turned to join the horrified knights who were staring as the arrow sticking in the middle of Prince Endymion's forehead. As they watched, the Prince's eyes rolled up to the back of his head and he fell backward, dead. Taiki turned angrily to Seiya. "Why you puddin' head!" he said as he poked Seiya in the eyes. "Heavens to Murgatroyd," the dragon began, "You knights aren't very good at this, terrible even!" "Terrible, eh?" Sir Ruka growled as she and Sir Ami stalked forward, "Let's see how terrible we are now!" she yelled as she rushed forward, sword in hand. Before she could attack however, the dragon reached one of its clawed hands forward and easily plucked the sword from Ruka's hand. She then tossed the brave knight aside, flinging her into Sir Ami, knocking the spear from the smaller knight's hand. As the two valiant knights struggled to get back to their feet, Sir Mina ran forward, holding her shield up in front of her as she clutched tightly onto her battle axe. "Time to do the fire breathing bit, cook ya even." the dragon said just before letting loose with a steady stream of hot billowing flames aimed at the brave young blonde. Sir Mina crouched behind the shield, clenching her teeth as she clutched onto the now red-hot shield while it painfully began to burn her hands. The dragon stopped just long enough to swat the shield away from Sir Mina's scorched hands. It then took a deep breath, intending to let loose with a fatal blast. Ka-thunk! "Ow!" the dragon bellowed as an arrow buried itself painfully into its paw, "That arrow hurt, smarts even!" The monster then turned in time to see the archer, Sir Rei of the Sacred Flame, tossing the bow aside as she picked up the spear that good Sir Ami dropped. "How did you get through my defenses when they couldn't, failed even?" the dragon asked. "Well, if you'd bothered to read the script for this omake," Rei snarled, smiling grimly as she aimed her spear, "You'd know by now I'm the hero!" she said, grunting a bit as she flung the spear and struck the dragon in its evil black heart. The dragon clutched its chest, "H... Heavens to M... M... Murgatroyd..." it said just before falling to the ground dead. ------ "Eat us!" Lady Makoto said, "The foul beast did say it was going to..." "Ladies, please." Princess Serenity said, "I do beseech you not to give up yet. If my heroic knight does but show up, I promise we will all be delivered safely." her voice trailed off at the end as she and the others suddenly heard sounds coming up the steps of the tower. "The dragon!" Lady Michiru cried fearfully as Duchess Setsuna tried to bravely face her impending death, the lone tear running down her right cheek the only outward sign of her fear. Then from the stairs, the four captives did hear... Smack! "Ow!" "Hey, leave him alone." "Quiet pickle-puss!" Thump! "Ah, my head!" Slowly, wearily, the four remaining knights staggered into the room. Sir Ruka sported a black eye, Ami a small bruise on her forehead above her left eyebrow, and Mina's hands were both badly burned. Rei alone seemed the least injured, suffering but a small scrape to her knee when she and the others were knocked to the ground by the dragon swooping down just above them. As the three squires now came into the room behind the knights, Sir Ruka of Butch did use the sword she retrieved after the dragon was slain to cut the shackles of the Princess and her Ladies in Waiting. "Sir Ruka!" Lady Michiru said, reaching out her hand to examine the sandy-blonde's injured eye. Ruka intercepted her however, taking the musician's soft hand in hers. "It was worth it, milady." The knight said, "To see you and those beautiful eyes of yours I did fall in love with at Court once again safe and sound." She then bent low and gallantly kissed the back of the young maiden's hand. "Good Sir Knight!" Setsuna said as she looked at Mina's burnt palms, "You... you did this for us?" "For you, fair Duchess," Sir Mina said as she looked into Setsuna's violet eyes, "I would fight the devil himself, if the prize were your heart." "Um..." Sir Ami of Grey-Matter began shyly as she stood in front of Lady Makoto, "I, um..." she was cut off as the taller young woman suddenly pulled her into a hug, burying the blushing knight's face into her bosom. "My hero." Makoto gushed as she then bent over, kissing the brave Sir Knight on the lips. Rei looked on smilingly as her fellow knights won the fair damsels of their dreams. Her smile faded as Princess Serenity came over. "Brave Sir Knight," she said, "Sir Rei of the Sacred Flame, I pray thee; where is Prince Endymion the Hapless? What happened to him?" Sir Rei sighed while the three squires tried to whistle innocently as they began to make their way to the exit. "He... He was killed in the battle milady." Sir Rei answered. The Princess looked deep into the knight's dark eyes for a few seconds, then, "You... were the one who killed the dragon, weren't you?" "Aye." Sir Rei answered nodding her head, "It was I who slew the foul beast." Princess Serenity then surprised good Sir Rei by embracing the raven-haired warrior. "I knew you would," she said as she reached up and put her hand behind the knight's head, "My heroic knight." she whispered before pulling her champion into a loving kiss. And so the brave group of knights and their fair maidens left the dark stone tower behind and returned to Crystal Tokyo, where they all lived happily ever after. Except for Seiya and Yaten, who continued to get the shit beat out of them by Taiki on a regular basis. ---To Be Continued--- End Notes: Damn that was a long one! Anyways, yes, that was a reference to Arisugawa's Locket by Shanejayell again in the editorial.
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