---Prologue--- It was the night of the fourteenth annual convention of J-LAD (Japanese Lesbians Against Defamation), and the event was a smashing success. After the speeches from several prominent figures in the lesbian community in Japan, the highlight of the evening was a musical performance by the great classical violinist Kaioh Michiru and her partner, piano virtuoso and Formula-One racecar driver Tenoh Haruka. "And now," the events coordinator, Arisugawa Juri announced, "Ms. Kaioh and Mr. Tenoh will..." she was cut off by Haruka putting a hand on her shoulder. As Juri looked at the sandy-blonde dressed in a tuxedo curiously, Haruka took the microphone away from her to address the crowd. "Ladies," Haruka began in her normal deep, husky voice, "Michiru and I, we... I look out at all of you, and the courage it took all of you to come here openly and... Michiru and I, as you all know, are a couple." Haruka started to shake as she took a deep breath. Michiru, dressed elegantly in a strapless blue evening gown came over to take her hand, and the tomboy continued, "What no one but our closest friends know... Knew, until now, is that while I'm often mistaken for a guy... I... I'm a woman, and Michiru and I have been in a monogamous lesbian relationship since ninety-four." The large convention hall suddenly became very quiet. Then, someone started clapping, followed by another and another. Soon, the whole group of women were applauding the two ladies who'd just come out publicly. After Juri came over to give them both hugs of support the two took each other in their arms, both feeling like a giant weight had been lifted by going public. Once the applause for the two finally died down, they began to play their duet before the assembly. Five minutes into the concert, however, all the lights in the amphitheater went out. Suddenly, something that glowed white started to float down from the roof. As it came closer to the stage, everyone could see that it looked like a woman wearing a classical Greek toga and a pair of sandals. "Fools!" she screamed, "Idiots! You come here with your mullets and your combat boots and your flannel shirts and your body piercings, and you talk of lesbian love? You're all a disgrace to feminine love shared between two of the same sex! That is why I, the Ghost of Sappho, the greatest lesbian who ever lived, have returned to earth to punish you all! Leave this building now! Leave, I say!" In a panic, the group of women ran for the exits to get away. Haruka, her hand firmly clutched around Michiru's wrist, pulled her love behind the bleachers. "Ruka-kun!" Michiru said in fear, "If the ghost of Sappho declares war on the lesbians of Japan, what can any of us do to stop her?" "Don't worry, love." Haruka answered as she pulled out her cell phone, "I already know who to go to for help." "Who?" Michiru asked as her partner quickly dialed a number, "Ghost Busters?" "Of course not." Haruka answered, "I'm calling the Japanese branch of Mysteries Inc." ------ ---Omake Fourteen: Luna Scooba Doo--- "Jinkies gang." Mamoru said as he parked the Mystery Machine, "This case looks like it might be a tough one." "Right." Ami said as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, "You got everything we'll need once we get in there to hunt down clues?" "Absolutely." Rei answered, "Magnifying glass, compass, flashlight, a heaping helping of dumb luck, and... Hey, you two in back! You ready to go in there yet?" "Zoinks!" Usagi said, "Like no way Rei! Me and Luna will stay in the van while you three hunt down that spooky lesbian in the haunted amphitheater." "I quite agree!" Luna added, "And before any of you reading this at home ask; no, I'm not going to talk 'rike ris' throughout this stupid omake. A cat has her pride after all, and..." "Fourth wall!" Ami shouted at Luna, "Anyways, are you sure you wouldn't go in, even for a Luna-Snack?" "How dare you!" Luna shouted, "I am not one of Pavlov's dogs, and I find it deeply offensive that you think just by waving a 'Luna-Snack' in my face you can make me..." "I will!" Usagi shouted. "What?" Luna asked in shock as Ami tossed her the snack and Usagi gobbled it up, "Usagi, that was friggin' cat food! What in the hell's the matter with you, you dumb..." "Zoinks, like come on Luna!" the blonde said as she grabbed the hapless cat's front legs and jumped out the back of the van, the other members of Mysteries Inc. joining her. ------ "Thank goodness you got here so soon!" Juri said as the gang came over to the large gathering of women standing outside the building, "The Ghost of Sappho has taken over the building, and..." "Zoinks, then like why call us?" Usagi asked, "Like, Sappho's Mick Foley's hand puppet, right? Get him to..." "That's Mr. Socko, not Sappho!" Rei shouted at the blonde, "Sappho was a great poet of Classical Greece who wrote love poems to women she was in love with. She lived on the isle of Lesbos, and it's from her and her homeland we get the terms "Sapphic" and "lesbian." "Jinkies, how do you know so much about lesbian history Rei?" Mamoru Asked. Instead of answering, Rei blushed furiously. "We don't have time for all this." Ami said, "We have to capture that gal-lovin' ghoul before it's too late!" "Right." Mamoru said, "Come on gang, let's go catch us a ghost!" ---Three Chase Scenes Later--- "Jinkies." Mamoru said, "Between the rope and pulley Rei found dangling from the roof, and the phosphorescent paint Ami found, I think we're just about ready to enter that part of the show where we set up a trap for the ghost." "Fourth wall!" Ami said, "I already yelled at Luna earlier for that." "Thanks for reminding everyone I'm still here by the way." Luna muttered. "So what's your plan?" Rei asked. "Well; you, me and Ami will work on building a crude catapult over by the door. We'll then set up a net in the middle of the convention center. Sappho's ghost will fall onto the catapult, be launched at the net which will catch her, then we'll see who she really is. All we need is a set of volunteers to let the gay ghost chase her and her cat, and..." "Zoinks! Like no way, Mamo-chan." Usagi said, "I mean, I love you and all, but there's no way I'm going to be the bait in this scheme!" "Good for you Usagi!" Luna said, "And I'm with her in refusing to participate in this ridiculous..." "Not even for a Luna snack?" Ami asked? Sure enough, Luna soon found herself being dragged along by Usagi, who was licking her lips after eating the Luna snack. "Zoinks." Usagi said, "Like, it sure is spooky in the back of this dark amphitheater." "You should have thought of that before coming back here." "Luna, why do you always have to be so mean?" Usagi asked angrily. "U... U... Usagi-chan," Luna stuttered out "I... I didn't say anything." "But I did!" an ominous voice said. Usagi and Luna both turned around. "Zoinks!" Usagi shrieked, "It's like the ghost of Sappho!" The blond and her cat immediately ran back to where the others were, with Sappho's ghost hot on their trail. ------ "Okay gang, get ready." Rei said, "I can hear them coming." "Jinkies!" Mamoru said, "Ami, hurry up!" "Coming Mamo-kun, I..." Ami was cut off as she tripped over a loose floor tile, her glasses falling off her head, "My glasses! Where are my glasses?" As Ami searched on all fours in the darkened building, Usagi and Luna ran in, followed by the homosexual horror of Sappho's ghost. In the dark, Usagi didn't see Ami. She tripped over the young genius, flying into Mamoru and knocking him into the catapult. Sadly, while Mamoru was great at coming up with ideas on how to catch ghosts, he wasn't much of an engineer. The catapult had been built to be far too powerful, and had been pulled far too taught. Thus, when Mamoru's weight tripped its mechanism, he was not launched the short distance over to the capture net. Instead, he was thrust past the net into the brick wall at the far end of the event center, hitting it head first at close to a hundred and eighty miles an hour. As his body flopped dead to the ground, the doors to the event center were busted open by the Tokyo Police. "Zoinks!" Usagi cried, "Like, my Mamo-chan's dead!" "Yes," one of the officers said as he slapped a pair of handcuffs on the ghost of Sappho, "And he wouldn't be if you meddling kids and that stupid cat of yours had come to the police in the first place instead of trying to solve this case on your own!" "Never mind that," Ami said as she came forward and grabbed a hold of the Sappho mask, "Let's see who this ghost really is!" she said as she pulled the mask off to reveal... Usagi's younger brother, Shingo! "SHINGO?" the three girls and Luna all screamed in shock out loud. "Why'd you do it?" Rei asked. The boy turned to the raven-haired beauty angrily. "Why? I'll tell you why; thirteen chapters straight without me, that's why! Hell, even mom and dad got to make an appearance back in omake six! I want the spotlight too, damn it! Just for once..." "That's enough of that, young man." The police officer said as he dragged the boy off into custody. As Ami watched the police take Shingo away, Rei went over to where Usagi and Luna were kneeling by Mamoru's body. "Zoinks." Usagi said sadly, "Like, Mamoru's dead. Now I'm all alone." "Not quite." Rei said as she rested her hand on Usagi's back, "You see, the reason I knew so much about lesbian history earlier was because, well, I am a lesbian. And... And I'm in love with you Usagi." "Really?" Usagi asked, "Well, like, zoinks, I'm really flattered Rei, but I'm straight." "You sure you wouldn't be interested in dating another girl?" Rei asked with a devious smile, "Not even for a Luna Snack?" "Rei, please." Luna said, "Sure, Usagi's clumsy, a whiner, not that bright, and often thinks more with her stomach than her head, but not even Usagi would switch to being gay for a..." "Make it two Luna Snacks." Usagi said. "WHAT?" Luna asked in stunned disbelief. "Done!" Rei said as she handed the two cat treats over. Usagi quickly downed the snacks, and then pulled Rei over into a deep sensual kiss. Luna turned to the audience. "Don't you folks out there sometimes wish it were that easy in real life?" the cat asked. "Fourth wall!" Ami called over from off screen.
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