Electric Winter
Every bone in her body ached. Everything about her entire being wanted
to quit and collapse in exhaustion. She didn't stop though. She pushed
until she heard herself scream out loud. She stopped and looked behind
her. The city had nearly disappeared. It was just a small ember in the
distance. She looked down at her empty water bottle and wondered if
she could make it back without passing out. Sweat poured down her
face, as she took in one deep breath and began the long ride home. She
had been getting further and further along each time she went out. It
was becoming a new little habit for her, riding her bike. It was like
her old habit of comparing every cute boy she met to her ex-boyfriend.
She laughed when she thought of that, green eyes shutting for a
mili-second to enjoy the memory. She really needed to stop doing that.
Silly habits were what kept her going though. After her parents had
died it was something she came up with to move on with her life. As
she speed back towards town it occurred to Makoto that while she had
been successful at moving on with her life she had not been so
successful at leading the kind of life her parents had wished for her.
Would they really have wanted her to be a Sailor Soldier? Would they
really have understood the strong pull of her past life's destiny?
Destiny was cruel sometimes, she thought. Destiny had given her
strength to fight, when fighting was the last thing she wanted.
Destiny had left her all alone at a young age to fend for herself.
The road began to become inconsistent in some places so she switched
gears on her bike. Her muscles hadn't burned this much in long time.
She hadn't had to fight in a long time, and it made her happy because
she felt she could be free to explore her life. She felt that the
peace would help her relax. Makoto soon found that with nothing left
to fight there was little to stem her secret desire. As she battled up
hill towards the now bright city lights she wondered if anyone, her
friends, her classmates, would ever guess she had a secret desire. On
the battle field fighting with Sailor Moon she had a hot temper here
and there...But in fact she was one of the more grounded of the
senshi. She took things in stride most of the time because her temper
got her no where. Her breath was getting shorter and she decided to
slow down a bit. The cool night air made her feel calm. The bike rides
had started just recently. She would just hop on her light pink ten
speed bike and just ride.
At first she would go only so far; afraid she wouldn't be able to make
it back to her apartment. Then her rides got more intense as she would
ride until her muscles began to ache and then she would turn around
and make her way back home. But now...now things had moved a step
further...She rode until her body screamed or until she did. The ride
back was always tough but she made it. Sometimes on her rides she
would bump into Haruka and then the two would race. Makoto never won,
but she never expected to. She supposed Haruka raced her, because she
always at least tried her best to win. Haruka always said she worried
that one-day she'd lose. Makoto knew, though that she would always
fall just one step short of winning to the powerful outer senshi, no
matter how hard she fought to win. Her thoughts suddenly moved to the
road ahead of her for a brief moment as she approached a stoplight.
She wondered briefly if her friends had noticed her bike rides. She
shook her head as the light turned green knowing that if her friends
had noticed they saw her rides as nothing important, just Makoto
working out.
A few stray strands of ruddy auburn hair began to fall into her face,
and the thunder senshi did her best to clear them from her line of
vision. The car behind her honked it's horn. She looked over her
shoulder as the vehicle drove beside her. A girl with Aquamarine hair
waved as the car passed by, and on the driver's side Makoto could see
the outline of Haruka Tenoh's face. She smiled as the car passed her
and then noticed the car slowing down at the corner just ahead of her.
She didn't want to stop. She was afraid she'd collapse if she stopped
before she got to her house. However, she decided on politeness and
pulled over near Haraku Tenoh's yellow convertible.
The tall blonde smiled when Makoto hopped off her bike and removed her
helmet and then the blonde spoke. Her voice was low and husky, and
resonated with a cool light tone," You rode a little too far today
didn't you? You look exhausted Mako."
Makoto nodded, not necessarily in agreement but because she was still
trying to catch her breath.
"Can we give you a ride home"; the girl with Aquamarine hair asked
softly a wave of concern in her voice.
Again the emerald-eyed girl nodded and then found the breath to speak,
"Sure. That would be nice. Thank you Michiru."
The ride back to Makoto's apartment was fairly quiet. The two older
girls seemed to make a point of not asking why Makoto had pushed
herself so far. Every once in a while Haruka would glance into her
rearview mirror clearly checking on the girl in the backseat. The
blonde noted the look of sadness on the girl's face trying to hide
itself as mere exhaustion, and brought it to her companion's
attention. Mirichu just nodded a bit. When the three finally arrived
at Makoto's place, she thanked the two older girls for the ride home,
promising that as a reward she'd have to make their favorite dessert.
Haruka joked she was going to keep her to her word. Then Makoto began
to wearily walk her bike up to her apartment. Haruka and Mirichu
wished the auburn haired beauty a nice long rest and went on their
way.
"What do you think she's hiding", Mirichu asked as the yellow
convertible pulled away from the apartment complex.
"It's not what she's hiding", Haruka stated. "It's what she's holding
back from. There is peace right now. No demons to fight… No youmas to
destroy… No silence approaching… There is nothing to keep her from
going after what she wants but...", the blonde paused for a moment and
looked over at her lover. The expression on her face spoke volumes to
the girl next to her.
"She's afraid she'll lose it if she gets it", Mirichu said finishing
Haruka's thought. "Do you think-"
"No. We shouldn't tell the others. If they haven't noticed then Makoto
is hiding her frustrations for a reason", the blonde said coolly. She
smiled slightly and continued, "I'm sure lightening will strike when
it's ready too...and then-"
"Everything will be fine"; Mirichu said a smile sweeping across her
face like the ocean.
------------------------------------------------------------
Makoto entered her apartment slowly. It was a quaint little dwelling,
a bit small, but it suited her needs. The kitchen was the main
attraction of the apartment, filled to the brim with gorgeous
appliances and cookware. She was going to be a master chef someday, so
she figured it was acceptable to spend a little money here and there
on the best equipment she could find. She went over the memory of
telling Usagi that the reason she became good at cooking was because
"big boyish girls" sometimes need something to make them seem more
delicate. The statement had been true at the time. She had had a
temper in junior high school, but only because people seemed so intent
on causing her grief. She sighed heavily as she placed her bike out on
the balcony. Destiny's second reason to make her strong, to make her
fight, to be...as so many put it...the "tough" one. As she got older
she became more docile, but it didn't matter...the stigma was still
there. She was the tough one, and the strong one. And that's how she
would always be. Again the emerald eyed beauty sighed, annoyed at her
constant dwelling on destiny and titles...labels...Another
habit...another thing that helped/hindered her life move along. Makoto
moved slowly towards her room. As she passed by the kitchen she
noticed a large book titled "Advanced Calculus" sitting politely on
the counter. It was a surprise at first since she was practically
useless at math and then the memory washed over her with icy cool
realization.
"Oh, Ami", she whispered to herself.
Ami had asked if she could stay the night. Her mother was working late
at the hospital and she didn't want to spend the evening alone. Makoto
had completely forgotten, but was happy to see that Ami had remembered
that she had the spare key to Makoto's apartment. Weary Makoto took in
a deep breath and walked into her room and there, happily reading a
special addition of "Sons and Lovers" was Ami. The girl turned a page
of the book and then lightly wiped a falling deep blue strand of hair
from her face. Makoto just stood in the doorway and watched as an
electric twinge ran through her heart. Desire was a cruel thing, but
Makoto held it back. She fought it from creeping over her like an ice
storm. Ami looked over her shoulder and smiled but quickly frowned at
the exhausted state of her friend standing in the doorway.
"You over did it", Ami sighed coolly. The girl slid off the bed and
tossed her book aside as she walked over to her weary friend. "Let me
help you over to the bed", icy blue eyes begged.
Makoto waved her off. She was so tired if she let Ami get any closer
she wouldn't be able to maintain her dignity.
"I'm ok. I'm sorry I'm so late", she replied. Even leaning in the
doorway she towered over Ami in height. "Besides...I really should
take a shower. I'm all sweaty and gross."
Ami let a small smile creep from the corner of her mouth and she let
her friend do what she had to do. Makoto stepped in to the shower
letting water just pour over her body. The heat from the water
slightly soothed her aching muscles. She leaned up against the cold
tile and tried to breathe. It was always strange for her to walk into
her house and see her heart's desire just waiting for her. It made her
wonder why she held back, why she had to fight herself so much.
Knowing that time was slipping by faster than she thought it was
Makoto quickly washed and rinsed her hair. Finally stepping out of the
shower into the coolness of the disappearing steam the emerald eyed
girl wished she could just teleport herself to the softness of her
bed. She knew better though. She toweled off and quietly got dressed.
She had made a point of keeping a dresser with pajamas and other
undergarments in her bathroom so she wouldn't have to worry about
parading around nude in front of her bedroom window. She was ingenious
at forgetting to close her curtains. She dried her hair and pulled it
back into its usual ponytail. She stepped lightly into her room
thinking Ami would be asleep, but she wasn't. The icy blue eyes of her
friend moved over the words in her book with a steady persistence. The
sight always made Makoto smile, because she wondered what Ami was
holding back from with all her studying.
"So", Makoto said, her voice still laced with ache. "Is that any
good?"
"Actually I really can't stand this over bearing Russian
literature...but it's for a class so...", the wintery voice trailed
off a bit as she looked up form her book.
Makoto inched over towards the bed. She was wearing a tank top and
pair of shorts.
Ami's eyes rolled over her friends figure and then she continued, "So,
I need to read it regardless."
The auburn haired girl sat down on the bed and smirked when she saw
the large glass of water sitting on her nightstand. Next to the water
was a large sports drink.
"Drink all of the water and at least half of the Gatorade", Ami
commanded as she put her book down. "You may take pleasure in
torturing your body but as a future doctor I just can't stand by and
do nothing...just do it...you'll thank me in the morning when you are
able to walk."
Makoto shook her head and did as she was told. After her twentieth
bathroom run she questioned her friends advice though. She and Ami
talked a while before retiring to bed. They spoke of trivial little
things, movies, books. School was nearly over, and Ami was riding high
off her acceptance to a great college. And in between the light
conversation, waiting like a thunderstorm was desperate want. Even
though it made her heart race Makoto decided to share her bed with
Ami. It was the least she could do since her couch was about as
comfortable as an electric chair. She closed her emerald green eyes,
her body as far away from Ami's as she could keep it, back to her
friend’s soft face. She tried to sleep. She tried to dream. She held
back her desire, fought it since there was nothing else for her to
fight. She was winning her battle with desire, but she couldn't sleep.
She just lay there back turned, heart thunderous with want. Sometime
in the middle of the night she felt the cool arms of winter wrap
around her pulling her close, and she couldn't refuse the cool touch
that was calling her to perfect warmth. Ami whispered something low
and wintery that Makoto couldn't quite hear, or perhaps she didn't
want to hear. The thunder senshi closed her brilliant green eyes and
found sleep where there was none before.
------------------------------------------------------------
She did not recall dreaming the next morning when she woke, but she
knew she was alone when nothing held her. As her eyes opened Makoto
could hear dishes rattling in the kitchen. She got to her feet and
found nothing but hurt and ache in her limbs. She decided that perhaps
today she would not go so far on her ride. Sleep wiped away from her
bright eyes Makoto stepped into the kitchen. There, Ami was busying
herself getting some ingredients together.
"What are you doing", Makoto yawned. She was still tired but seeing
Ami trying to cook brought a small smile to her face.
"I am trying to make you a healthy breakfast", Ami replied. "Go sit
down at the table. Everything should be ready in a minute."
The taller girl didn't argue. She walked over to her table and sat
down. She looked outside to her balcony. "Where's my bike", the
question was asked in a thunderous tone.
"I had Haruka pick it up", Ami called from the kitchen. She entered
shortly after and walked over to the table delicately placing a plate
of scrambled eggs and potatoes in front of her auburn haired friend. "
And before you ask why...let me just say you won't be riding again for
a couple of days. If you need to work out so badly you can just go for
a swim like I do", Ami said her tone commanding but soft. She smiled
at her friend and went to retrieve her own plate.
"Ooookay. So I guess the future doctor is very concerned for my
health", Makoto said.
"Well yes of course I am, but not just as a future doctor Makoto", a
cool breeze called from the kitchen. Again Ami emerged from the
kitchen with a plate of eggs and potatoes. She sat down across from
her friend and began to eat small little bites. "Eat", she said
looking over at her friend. "It worries me that you feel you have to
push yourself so hard. What are you fighting?"
The question felt like a storm. It hit the thunder goddess like one of
her own electrically filled attacks. She took a weary bite of her food
and searched for an answer. A million things flew through her mind,
'I'm fighting you. I'm fighting myself; I'm fighting desire because
it's being so cruel. I'm fighting destiny because I want some choices
to be my own. I'm fighting...I'm fighting because...because...' If she
was trembling she didn't realize it Makoto looked over at her friend,
electricity sparking in her eyes. "I fight so much it's hard to say
exactly what it is I'm fighting. I think the question becomes 'why do
i fight' rather quickly…don't you? I fight because it's all I've ever
done. All I've ever had to do. I...I...I don't know how to stop. I
know only how to bury it...but the funny thing then becomes that I
start fighting within myself."
Icy blue eyes sighed sadly and Ami got up from her seat and stepped
over towards her best friend. "I want you to look at me"; Ami said
voice awash in the warmth of winter. She put her cool hand on Makoto's
face drawing her emerald green eyes upwards. "I want you to take a
deep breath."
Makoto did as she was told.
"Now let it out", Ami whispered the command softly.
Again the green-eyed senshi did as she was told. Her heartbeat like a
drum, sounding the call of want and begging the girl to just give in.
Makoto fought it. She fought it hard.
"I don't want you to hold back anymore Mako. I want you to let go";
Ami whispered dropping any and all formalities. The blue haired girl
bent down a bit both hands on Makoto's warm face and kissed her. She
pulled away. "I don't want you to fight this anymore", Ami whispered
and then locked Makoto in another kiss. A kiss deeper and more
meaningful than the one before.
She could have died. Right there and then in the soft winter kiss her
friend had so gracefully bestowed upon her. Makoto stood up, still in
the binds of a winter's kiss, and wrapped her arms gently around Ami's
waist. And the two just stood like that for what seemed an eternity.
Finally Ami slid out of the kiss and Makoto looked down at her eyes
swimming in electric tears.
"Oh what are you doing to me", Makoto whispered she fell back into the
chair she had been sitting in and began to sob.
Ami walked behind the chair and wrapped her arms around Makoto's neck.
She kissed her cheek and whispered, "Stopping you from fighting."
------------------------------------------------------------
There was along stint of nothing, where Ami cleared the dishes, and
Makoto went to her room and got dressed. It was a silence so deep it
nearly ripped Ami in half. Perhaps she had gone too far. The icy eyed
girl meekly entered Makoto's room after spending an eternity washing
the dishes. The room was dark and Ami could just barely make out her
friend's form in the shadows sitting, head bowed on her bed. She
approached the bed with caution noting the occasional spark of
electricity escaping from between Makoto's fingers. Ami hadn't
realized the thunder senshi had honed her powers so well. She herself
could leave icy trails here and there if she thought about it. Ami
understood very well that she, like the rest of the Sailor Soldiers
would grow into their powers, no longer needing transformation wands.
She knew this, but she didn't think it would begin to happen so soon.
The Silver Millennium was still a thousand years away after all. Ami
tried not to dwell on it concentrating on her friend.
"Mako", Ami whispered steadily.
The girl looked up at the approaching visitor. There were tears on her
face but Ami could not see them in the darkness. She finally reached
the bed and sat down gracefully next to her friend, her poor hurt and
lost friend.
"Mako...I'm so sorry", Ami whispered. She bowed her head and tried not
to cry. "I crossed the line didn't I? I…I should have held back...I
should have kept it all", Ami paused and looked over at Makoto who's
demeanor was unchanged. "Oh...Mako I'd been fighting it for so long I
had to let go and I thought... I assumed...” Ami sighed heavily. "I'm
sorry. I'll go".
Just as Ami was about to leave a warmly charged hand pulled her back
onto the bed. Ami lay on her back waiting as Makoto slowly approached.
She could feel her heat. The warmth of a thunderous storm approaching.
"Ami...I...what was it you said when you held me last night? I didn't
hear", Makoto whispered, still approaching.
"I said 'Forgive me. I just need to hold you. Then I'll be fine...then
I'll be ok'", Ami replied in a hushed whisper.
The girl with the ruddy auburn hair stroked Ami's soft face and then
placed a few soft kisses here and there on her neck. Finding courage
Ami pulled Makoto closer, feeling the warmth and weight of the taller
girl’s frame on her body. It was all so overwhelming and so perfect
Ami began to weep. Ami placed a soft cool kiss upon Makoto's lips
inviting the girl to ecstasy and she accepted it and returned it a
warm burst of thunder. And the one kiss led to a caress and the caress
to gentle strokes...until the two were lost within each other a
rolling, thunderous, winter storm.
------------------------------------------------------------
"Destiny never planned this", Ami whispered to her lover who was
safely caught in her embrace.
The two had spent hours talking after what seemed an eternity of
pleasure. Makoto had revealed everything she had ever fought within
herself. And Ami revealed her own secrets that dealt with pressure to
succeed and fulfilling her roll as the "intelligent" senshi, the need
to be the calm one that planned and observed but never struck out.
"How much have we injured ourselves by holding back", Makoto asked
softly. "How much have we wasted on nothing, begging for something?"
Ami sighed and looked her lover in the face, "Such questions...I think
my love...I think the storm broke just in time. I think we held back
to keep things from getting overly complicated as we battled every
evil that touched upon the earth. But...", she paused and looked into
the glittering green eyes of her love. "But we don't have anything to
fight anymore, and we won't have another battle for a very long time.
This is where we make up for all the things never said. And all the
things never done."
Makoto kissed Ami and let the past melt away. The two spent weeks
making up for what was lost and when the storm was finally
settled...they walked off together down a road unclearly defined. They
had an eternity to discover if destiny was a foe to be fought or left
alone. Because until the next battle came along all they wanted was to
lose themselves in the winter storms they created. All they needed was
the peace of giving into their want.
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