Note: () indicates change of POV to the listed character, if empty then the following will be done in third person, a question mark indicates a character who is either unknown yet to the reader or should stay that way for now. <> Indicated time/place if necessary Foreword I have at length wrestled with myself... and Maia, whether or not we really should do this. I had started a few other Mega-Crossovers awhile ago while I was still writing German-only (or at least mostly) and they had simply become too big to handle after awhile, especially for my usual POV style. Once again Maia has won though (not that it is a healthy thing to strictly go against your muse) and after an inspiration boost the last days the story finally began to shape up and head into the direction I wanted it to. This will be a long ride, don't be fooled, but after indulging in the Forbidden Cards arc both Maia and I are pretty damn determined to see this through. I think I'm experienced enough now to handle the kind of character width that I'm toying with, besides this will mostly be a BSSM story after all with other series slowly coming into the greater picture. This story arc WILL mostly focus on the Senshi, especially three of them but will definitely lead up to the main event, introducing the main characters from other anime/manga that I intend to use. Now, have fun reading, let us hope that I prevail with this experiment. ****************************** <January 4, 2001 (?)> The morning sun had barely crept up high enough to bask the yard of the small shrine into its first rays and so the cold winter air sent chills over my body through the altogether too light temple robes. Wearing thicker clothes underneath didn't help much since it was impossible to put on anything heavier without making it look odd and tasteless... Letting my gaze sweep over the yard, I gave a soft sigh of annoyance and picked up the broom again that I had momentarily put against the outer wall of the living quarters. It was always the same after New Year and pretty much at least the following week. Working at a shrine around this time of year wasn't exactly the kind of activity a young schoolgirl would like. Not that I really minded that much since I didn't have all that much else to do. However, the increase in careless, self-centered customers became more and more a bother in the last years. Western influences had grown and resulted in an increase in tourists coming by who didn't pay that much attention where they left their trash and it ended up mostly on the shrine grounds. Many shrines had complained about this already, it was becoming a common plague... Moving around I inspected the overall damage and sighed again. I REALLY didn't have time for this. Babasan wanted me to help her prepare for the upcoming services. New Year and most of the following January was always the busiest time of the year for the shrines in Japan. Sometimes I wished it would be as comparable quiet here as it was back in Germany. Not that I wanted to go back but thinking that the only thing you'd have to deal with there - and probably not even by yourself - were the remains of the fireworks would be a great relief right now. "It'll take forever to clean that mess up," I said in a dull, emotionless voice, already pitying myself. I didn't hate working, in fact I was pretty content doing my share of chores around here. My mood had drastically worsened the last few months though and it was this kind of thing that managed to wear my patience enormously thin. Growling uncharacteristically, I closed my eyes and concentrated. I could feel the cool morning breeze shift around me, wrapping like invisible tendrils around my outstretched palm. For a moment no breeze could be felt on the entire yard. Then I opened my eyes, taking in all of the dirt covering the holy grounds with probably almost a day worth cleaning. A sharp wind momentarily blew across the yard and the buildings on it. Not just an uncontrolled, natural element but a calculated rush of air with a clear purpose. Moving my hand just a little bit, the breeze picked up in intensity, pulling on the leftovers of indifferent visitors. While not visible it seemed like a small tornado had formed in the center of the yard and then dropped all the gathered trash in a neat little pile conveniently on the ground, leaving the surroundings flashing clean. Dropping my hand I allowed myself a satisfied smirk. "There. That's better." Spirits considerably lifted I proceeded to dispose of the pile with a whistled tune on my lips and soon found myself finished even before the first hour had passed. Striding into the main building I went looking for the shrine keeper and found the elderly woman as expected already seated in the prayer room. At the sound of my soft footsteps she looked up with her gray-blue eyes, smiling serenely. "Already finished with cleaning, Lisa-chan?" The look in her eyes was a knowing one and made me blush slightly. What I just did was certainly not like me, misusing my powers like this. I bowed slightly. "Gomen nasei, Obabasama. I did not wish to misuse my gift like this. I merely had the best intentions in mind." The old woman was far from upset though. "I understand. It really has become a hassle and I'd appreciate your help in here more than cleaning outside anyway. A good morning by the way. Have you slept well?" Once again there was that knowing gleam but her expression was much more serious this time. Babasan tended to worry a lot even though she never really showed it outwardly. After living with her for so long I had learned to read those little things in order to guess her mood and reactions to various things. Hesitating slightly, I finally said, "I do not wish to bother you with it, Babasan." As a matter of fact I had slept just as well as I had in most of the last days... which was rather troubled and clearly uncomfortable, tormented... no, that was too strong a word... assaulted by dreams that stirred feelings of familiarity and purpose in me. "We have a lot to prepare." The older woman nodded after a time of silence. "Very well. Then go balance yourself first. I won't need you for another hour or so and you don't look very presentable for the public eye this way." I flushed slightly at the reprimand and instinctively went with one hand through my long purple hair which I had to admit hadn't survived long from being combed this morning. Truth be told I probably hadn't put that much attention to my outward appearance at all. Babasan's expression softened. "Go meditate, child. I'm sure you will feel better afterwards." I nodded shortly, gave a slight bow and went to comply with the suggestion. ****************************** The year 2001. The world has entered the new Millennium and everyone the birth of a new age is proclaimed. Yet, the true birth is still to come, now in tangible distance. The Senshi prepare for the promised rebirth of their kingdom, enjoying the last months of normal life. But while events unforeseen begin to shatter the tranquility and happiness of their everyday life, in the shadows something old and absolute dark is stirring. Soon it will show its face and then, then the true battle will begin... ****************************** M&M DreamWorks Presents Soul Lights Foreshadowed Dusk Phase One: Revelations A Mega-Crossover/Fusion Epic Based on the works of Takeuchi Naoko and all other assorted authors Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon(c)Takeuchi Naoko Card Captor Sakura, Magic Knight Rayearth(c)CLAMP Slayers(c) Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi Tenchi Muyo(c)Pioneer Inuyasha, Ranma 1/2(c)Takahashi Rumiko The Vision of Escaflowne(c)Kawamori Shoji, Yatate Hajime Skies of Arcadia Legends(c)Nintendo, Sega, Overworks ****************************** (Minako) Glancing left and right I frowned at the crowd around me. Passersby enjoying the days after New Year that for most normal workers was laced with holidays more than the Tokyo Tower had support beams. The hectic, joyful party mood had more or less decreased and there weren't even that much people out in the streets at this hour. Only a few shops were open since most shops tended to use the few days in-between the traditional three day holiday and the next weekend to remain closed, giving their workers extra vacation. However, the few people that were up and about wandered the sidewalks happily, without a care in the world and probably with the absolute trust that their new year would be wonderful and that they would be successful in their individual, standing on a very firm fundament career. Kami, how much I hated them right now! The worst thing was that barely an hour ago I had been one of them. I had been absolutely positive that the new year would be wonderful. Sure, there was the thing that, according to the Endymion of the future, the rise of Crystal Tokyo would be this year and since Usagi's birthday was right in the middle that would only leave half of it for us to enjoy. But all the Senshi had managed to make the best out of that time after the last battle with Galaxia so far. And I had promised myself as a New Year's resolution that I would be savoring my own glamorous career to the fullest. After all I hadn't worked so hard to just quit now than I still had half a year left. Of course those were the thoughts of someone who came straight from the holiday parties with fun and no care in the world about the tomorrow or possible problems, those were the thoughts of someone who had absolute trust in her abilities and that all that was needed to do was check in with her co-workers and get her confirmation that she was still playing center role. So I had come to the studios of the uprising musical company "Seven Stars" just an hour ago. I had risen to the lead actress within months and could say without sounding self-centered that they probably wouldn't be where they were now if not for me. Musical had not been really my prime goal at first but I had really come to enjoy the combination of talents like acting, physical activity and singing. Most of them came natural for me and the rest I had acquired through hard work. And that, that, THAT... insensitive, ungrateful, arrogant bastard had the decency to tell me in my face that I wouldn't play lead role this year. Not only that but he had apparently found about my condition and pretty much told me to take a break for the time being. Kuso, I hated him so much for being so damn polite about it and so genuinely reasonable too. There wasn't even anything I could have said without shouting into his face that the next half year was all that I had left because I would help ruling the world in an utopia-like kingdom for the rest of the millennia. Oh yeah, that would have gone over well. And all just because of THAT. Apparently not only he but a lot of critics had seen a decrease in my performance at the New Year play that while subtle was still noticeable for those who knew me better and knew where to look. I had tried to downplay it until Yakamuri-san, the head director, had flat out confronted me with my impending condition. That had pretty much settled the affair, crushed my good spirit and my hopes for the first half of the year and all that because of something that I had even no knowledge about its cause altogether. I hadn't been with a man sexually in... well, long enough. Besides, it wasn't like I would just let anyone... Ah, to hell with this. It was biological impossible, so why on Earth had I been told just shortly before Christmas that I was about two months pregnant? There really hadn't been anyone. I SHOULD know after all. Of course I had told the poor gynecologist that. He was a good man really, had been recommended to me by Ami years back when I had some minor complications of a totally different and now unimportant kind, but when he told me about the pregnancy, I was pretty sure that the man had gotten rather scared at how livid I had become and it hadn't helped at all that my denials sounded hollow against the cold facts. I had seen this coming. I had understood the implications a pregnancy would mean for the rest of the year. Not only the complications for the rise of Crystal Tokyo. I was sure that would be less of a problem and compromises could be made there. Yet the impact of the remain of my short social and normal life had been slammed into my face like red warning lights. This outcome was inevitable but I had not expected it to come so early. I actually welcomed the distraction as my sensitive ears picked up shouting and sounds of a commotion around the corner. Never having slacked off in training over the years, the reflex was born from instinct and before I even realized what I was doing, I peeked around the corner, pressed against the wall. It was one of the supermarkets of the area and it was apparently being robbed right now. I grinned but the grin, had the gangsters seen it right now, would have promised not much joy for them. That was the perfect distraction. I needed to get my mind off of the frustration I felt from the whole situation and the near end of my career before it ended up totally consuming me. While I hadn't been happy about the pregnancy I did heed the warnings about already erratic moods. Too much stress would neither be good for my and surely not for the child's condition. Now, for an entrance. I frowned when I couldn't find the compact in my dimensional pocket right away. It almost felt for a moment as if it had been somewhere else entirely... which was silly of course since I always had the thing right at hand ever since Artemis gave it to me now almost eight years ago. Chasing away the silly notion, I raised the compact. "Moon Power, Transform! Turn me into a police officer!" There was a flash of light but the familiar tickling sensation of the magical change remained absent as I looked down on me in startled disbelief. Why did... Ah... Silly me, I chided myself a few moments later with a sigh, signaling renewed frustration though coming from a different direction this time and not helping at all to alleviate my sour mood. More like fueling it further. Of course, I should have known. Being pregnant obviously meant no physical changes either. The compact was partly illusion magic but it had some real transformations elements as well. Essentially all that should have happened was for me to have a different outfit now. It wasn't like I said I wanted to turn into a male police officer, not that I thought THAT change would be anything but an illusion. It had certainly been an illusion the one time I did this in my time as Sailor V... ... Holy Crap! My mental musing came to an abrupt stop as I stared at the compact with a look that could have been described as comical if not for the dawning shock and slight horror that surely must have reflected in my eyes. I didn't notice as the police arrived at the crime scene, easily overwhelming the robbers who had been caught off guard. My mind had went back a few months. To my own birthday party, to a night where only Makoto and young Hotaru had remained, filled with a lot of fun but also a lot of alcohol and some resulting... bonding. Neither of us had really been ashamed of what happened at that time and it wasn't like there had been any binding obligations resulting from this night. Just a little fun and pleasure, no harm done... I fumbled nervously with the compact while still staring at it intently, trying to recall some of the actual events that ended up to the somewhat embarrassing situation the following morning. But the images were really fuzzy and I hadn't had spend much time to actually think about it afterwards. Neither of us had mentioned the incident afterwards and it was obviously done with that for all involved parties. But now... "I... I think I have to better ask Artemis if that is even possible..." I murmured to myself and turned around to resume my walk home, not so much frustrated anymore right now but actually rather dizzy and overwhelmed with the recent and sudden discovery. I desperately hoped that somehow that silly idea would turn out as just that. Silly. However, I usually trusted my instincts, and my gut told me that I would be left disappointed with that hope. ****************************** (Makoto) Whistling a melody that I dimly remembered but if asked couldn't have told you from where, I went about the daily task of watering the various plants positioned all around the small apartment. The others tended to joke that it was amazing to get all those flowers and plants stuffed in here and still having room for one person... and lately now even two people to live. However, no one really complained and I got the feeling that the opposite was actually the case when they came over. I loved the special atmosphere created in my little, private indoors garden, the fragrance of the different kind of flowers filling the room was soothing and alluring at the same time, making for a nice, cozy and all together pleasant atmosphere that made it easy to relax. The apartment was quiet, a welcomed change from the general noise level of New Year. Getting everyone together to spend and celebrate the New Year Holidays in the familiar circle had definitely been nice though. Over the last five years since Galaxia there hadn't been many of those gatherings that included everyone. Yet, now Haruka and Michiru had returned from their latest tour - which they steadfastly albeit a certain sense of humor termed "patrolling the world" - to spend the last half year of normal life in Japan with everyone else. Even Ami had found time to take time off from working at her mother's hospital to join the rest of us in the holiday festivals. After all, this would be our last one before the big change - always assuming that this change would actually come... which none of us really doubted. Frowning I moved one of the pots a little bit to the side, my special bonds with plants of all types allowing me to sense that this one needed a little more sunlight in the future to grow properly. I took great care and pride attending to all of them after all. They were a little like my children. A part of me had always wanted a child but I didn't think that would be in my near or distant future. 'Maybe later when I am... MUCH older.' I chuckled slightly at the thought. "There," I said satisfied with the new arrangement and smiled when sensations of gratitude and love flowed into me from the now much more happy plant. Ever since the little - well, not so little anymore - Firefly had moved in all of my children seemed just that extra bit more healthy, more vivid and sated. While my gift allowed me a much deeper understanding of nature than other people, hers allowed her a similar yet in its depth more different empathy to everything harboring life in general. The plants definitely reveled in her presence, seeming to grow and prosper just that little bit more. Putting the can aside, I opened the balcony door to let in some fresh air. Shivering a little at the winter cold I stepped outside for a moment to look out over the city below. It was about noon and most of those that had to work again would soon turn in for lunch. Normally I would have started to cook something by now. I had gotten used to it, doing the main dishes for the holidays and so it was unusual to not cook for anyone but myself today. The others were all back in their daily lives. While college wouldn't restart again until the beginning of next week, most of them had other obligations or fields of work that they had or wanted to attend to. A fact that made me quite happy despite the damper that had put on group activities these last years. It had been more or less of a royal order though or as Usagi put it after the post marriage bliss had worn off: "I am the happiest person alive right now and I wish the same for you. So, I expect you to use our remaining time to make your own dreams come true." And we had mostly. I doubted anyone was truly unsatisfied how the last years had turned out. Most of the others were studying something at the local universities or colleges and also managed to get in side jobs that further followed their own wishes. Rei had more or less taken over the Jinja since her grandfather became ill, Usagi and Mamoru were happily married and each going after their own desires - even our Princess - and Minako had achieved the career she had dreamed of so much. It always brought a wistful smile to my face remembering how much she had - often seemingly futile - worked to achieve her dream. Seeing her happy and so expressive on stage warmed my heart knowing that one of my closest friends had finally reached one of her high-set goals with such blooming success. Watching her perform inspired a sense of beauty and art. You could actually feel her spreading love to the audience, something she always wanted to and did do. Such a shame she was adamant about chasing every cute - and lately rich and famous - man alive. Shaking my head, I warded off the unpleasant thought, having long since dealt with my own feelings of the matter, coming out with the result that they were hopeless and both wasted time and melancholy. Besides there had been another option lately to replace the loneliness resulting from the first. Unfortunately that one was probably equally if not more complicated and also deeply entwined with the first which made making a decision or move hard and a fragile action altogether. Great, now I was reminiscing and musing about my hopeless love life - or lack thereof - again even though I had resolved for the new year that I wouldn't do so, instead enjoying life as it was to its fullest until this chapter of our existence would be permanently closed. A sharp breeze picked up my ponytail and lured a shiver from my body. The latter was not so much due to the cold alone than the subtle notes carried in the breeze. The whispered messages and unheard nuances that a normal human would never detect. I didn't have Haruka's natural and more pronounced gift to read the wind but we had more or less the same base element affiliation and while I could not understand the whispers literally I could feel the emotions and the general message. "The wind is changing again," I said aloud. "It's almost as if this planet was afraid of the coming change." Even saying this I knew that the change I was referring to was not connected to Crystal Tokyo. There hardly would be a reason for the planet to fear the coming of our kingdom. There was something different, a different kind of change. Pluto had told us that there wasn't a new enemy to be expected until Crystal Tokyo. Expected. While most of us clung to her words and in most cases trustworthy, accurate information - as rarely as they were given -, I couldn't help but wonder nowadays about the conflicting echoes I got from nature. I had wanted to talk to Haruka and Michiru about that but hadn't found an appropriate moment during the joy-filled and light-hearted holidays. Besides it was very subtle and I had picked up many such shifts over the years that turned out to be of minor interest, not even concerning us or requiring our attention. It might as well be nothing. Stepping back inside, I suddenly didn't feel so much like cooking. Hotaru wouldn't be back until late afternoon or early evening and I wasn't keen on spending all those hours alone. My thoughts tended to wander and I'd rather keep them out of such gloomy places. Making a decision, I grabbed my keys and coat. I wouldn't need to get to work until next week which didn't mean that I could not enjoy a pleasant meal courtesy of my employer. ****************************** (Hotaru) Everything around me had faded away, leaving only me and the vast field of seemingly endless proportion. That place that connected everything that was shaped of will and shaped the will itself. It had many names over the years and in the different worlds and dimensions. The realm of magic for some, the Astral Plane for others. From where all energy that manifested in our world as magic or similar elemental powers came, there everything was shaped and anchored. It was a place of absolute purity of will. Here the spirit was totally free and boundless - considering one knew how to connect to this place directly and how to actually manipulate it outside their own special gifts. To understand all that the Astral Plane or whatever you wanted to call it encompassed was impossible. The human mind - probably not even those of higher beings - was not made for such a deep understanding. However, one could learn to touch it, to comprehend certain key elements. As closer some of those elements were to the gifts you were already used to the easier it was to access them, yet at the same time you realized how tiny you truly were to the whole that shaped what we had taken for a great gift already. Breathing slowed down to a minimum, regular and even, and eyes closed, the reality I knew had become only a distant concept. The freedom this plane granted was greater than that of our mundane existence. Slowly I reached out with mental hands as I had done so many times during so many sessions before. I sensed the connections, the ley lines that not only connected power but also described a complex network of paths that led to all sorts of different places. On Earth, on the Moon, on the tiny, cold planet Asagiri III several million light years away. Everywhere. Finally finding what I was searching for I began the difficult process of coaxing those lines of power, reshaping them to my will so that they may become solid. Not the form of solid you might imagine, more in an imaginative, spiritual sense. This was a plane where the will ruled everything and where the strength of one's will could achieve everything. However, I was not really here, I was only connected to this realm through my own power. Truly being in the Astral Plane was more or less impossible. At least not in the physical sense. Spirits and souls traveled here. Those magical and those that had left physical existence altogether. For everyone else, for everyone still with a living body the interaction was a temporal one and it cost a lot of concentration and energy, one of the main factors while using magic in what form ever tended to tire the user quickly. There. It was done. Before my mental gaze the path had suddenly changed, altering to a optical reflection of the destination I wished to see. A bridge to a place impossible to reach with human technology up to date. My eyes snapped open and I noted with satisfaction that the image of the place was still there. A more blurry mirror image of what could be seen on the Astral Plane. Here in the physical world it looked more like a giant window with dark, wavering edges had suddenly appeared right in the middle of the room, disrupting space where it filled the air. However, I felt with relief that the portal was fully functional and stable. If I had wanted to I could have now stepped right through it to make a visit to my own guardian planet. I exhaled slightly, relaxing my body slightly while still maintaining a firm grip on the gateway, testing just how much control and concentration was necessary. Due to my own natural energy supply and Saturn's supreme capacities it was actually rather easy, I noted. You just had to know how it was done. "What do you think, Pu?" The young woman - though you could hardly use any proper term to describe her ageless features - stepped away from the doorframe she had been leaning against. Of course I had long since been aware of her presence. Her aura tended to send echoes all over the plane. "Looks solid. I would say you have it right now, Hotaru-chan," Meiou Setsuna said with a hint of a smile and pride in her voice. Letting go of the sliver of control that maintained the gateway, the image collapsed neatly without much of a flashy effect and no consequences at all and I sank back into the comfortable chair behind me complete with arm and backrests. Despite the resources at my disposal I was still rather winded, unused to do such exertion as a conscious effort. "I'm glad. I hate to rely too much on Saturn for those things. I'd rather like to know what I'm doing instead of relenting complete control to her." Setsuna handed me a cup of coffee which I gratefully accepted. "You have made remarkable progress in combining your own talents with that of Saturn. I know it is more complicated for you, sharing a more active connection with your past live than the others do. But I think if you learn to further compliment each other the advantages will far outweigh the disadvantages." I made a face at the bitterness of the hot liquid on my lips but took a long sip anyway. "I never think about it this deeply. I am who I am. I can't really explain it." Glancing at Setsuna I asked, "Or could you really explain me what it is like to be the Time Guardian." For a moment the older woman appeared to be caught off guard before she smiled faintly. "No, I cannot. You are right. We are a little different from the others, that is a fact we have to accept. And I am glad you have accepted that already." With a chiding look she added, "But now I think you should go home and take a rest, young lady. You overexerted yourself enough already." I glanced out of the window and acknowledge that I had lost all sense of time. It was already getting darker outside. Standing up I stretched my tired muscles, feeling the effects of hours spent meditating in one single position. "You are right, I'd better get home. Besides... I think Mako-chan must be going nuts cooped up at home all alone." The woman I considered as being so many things - friend, companion, sister, mother - laughed light-hearted. "You are the only one still here anyway, besides me, and I was just checking up on some records. I suppose everyone else is still enjoying the holidays." Finishing my coffee I followed Setsuna out of the room and down the hallways to the elevator. Just as she said, the building was completely empty other than us. At least this floor was but my senses told me where really was no one else here today. "I just couldn't sleep until I got that right." I giggled softly. "Maybe Makoto's stubbornness is rubbing off on me." Another giggle escaped my lips as I thought about my roommate's antics. Not just once had I caught her outside on the balcony - even in the cold winter - practicing a kata which's form or perfection eluded her. Not that this was a bad thing. Quite frankly I found the trait rather endearing. When the brunette was really serious and focused about something, it was sure to be finished to her perfect satisfaction. "There is nothing wrong with that," Setsuna agreed with my silent musings when we stepped out of the elevator and finally left the building. "As long as you don't overtax your body and spirit it is perfectly fine to fully concentrate on something." She stopped on the sidewalk to turn to me with a suddenly serious expression. "I am glad you are getting along that well. Haruka is still not happy about you moving out." With a small smile that was on the verge of a grin - something rather rare for the other woman -, she added, "She's still moping about it from time to time." I returned her amusement and then with a quick goodbye I turned around to make my way home as Setsuna had suggested. However, something was nagging on my mind for awhile now. I had wanted to bring it up earlier but the holidays had seemed so inappropriate for yet unfounded worries. "Pluto?" Setsuna stopped and turned around, the facial shift in her expression would have not been visible to anyone but me. I had known and did know Sailorpluto in more senses than one and that for longer than any of the other Senshi. I had learned to see the transition from her now everyday guise to that of the oldest Senshi alive. "Hai?" "You... feel it, too, don't you? That something is approaching..." "A change." Pluto took up the line of thought. "A change different from the one we are expecting." While you could have thought the words to be questioning, they were more like statements, something rather normal for the Senshi of Time, yet often rather disturbing in certain situations. "Yes, I do. I'm afraid I cannot tell you anything more concrete though. Everything concerning the rise of Crystal Tokyo is blurry in my vision, you know that. And we are so close that it becomes harder to interpret anything while confined to the regular flow of time." A small sigh followed the explanation and I was struck by how much that fact tended to annoy... no, really concerned her. ****************************** (Luna) "Here you go," I said, passing the glass good old-fashioned milk along to my white-haired companion. I was sorely tempted to revert to coffee at this ungodly hour in order to keep awake but thankfully cats by nature were, while not particular creatures of the night, in many ways nocturnal. That went even more for the Mau kin, the strong blood of mixed cat and warrior making us much more immune to fatigue. In both our feline as well as our human form. Which of course didn't mean that we were prone to laziness. Therefore it hadn't been the first time that we had been up so late - nearly one in the morning - but it was certainly rare for Artemis to drop by around midnight looking like he had competed in a chase with alley cats with him as bait. While I knew this to have happened from own experience - something about the native kin sensing our difference and feeling usurped or something - that didn't seem to be the problem right now. And there were few things that really got to my long-time partner and recent lover like that. Only a few things got through that joking, sometimes a little macho attitude of his. Of course that got me instantly worried. Sitting down on the other side of the table, I waited for him to begin and when, after a short while nothing came, I gently probed, "So, what exactly happened? You said you were staying with Minako tonight. I assume your mood has something to do with her?" I carefully kept the voice level down, not wanting to wake the rest of the house. While the Tsukinos by now knew about us, there wasn't a reason to wake them up so late in the night. Artemis grinned weakly. "You know me too well..." He trailed off and went silent again. Obviously whatever bothered him seemed to be more private than I had at first expected. On the one hand that relieved me since for a moment I had feared some new enemy turned up, discarded that as ridiculous though since the other Mau-jin would have no reason to be secretive about it. On the other hand his attitude implored the seriousness of his troubles and since I had a similar strong bond with Usagi as he had with Minako I at once drew some concerning conclusions. There wasn't much we had to worry about nowadays for the girls. They all had managed to lead a happy life up to this point and I may say proudly that all of them were as much prepared as children - or more like young adults now - could be for Crystal Tokyo. I had always felt a bit like a mother towards their children for the girls. I've known them so long, in this and my past life. Seeing Usagi and Mamoru happy and out on their own was akin to a vast achievement I was very happy about. They had all matured so well from the young band of fourteen year olds that had little idea about why or how to fight an enemy of their past lives. Now even Usagi had a successful life and to our mutual surprise had even applied for college! Yet, even though we weren't constantly around the girls anymore - having taken permanent residence in Tsukino-ke after the girls revealed their identities to their families a few years ago - I still cared about them and felt entitled to worry and the same went for Artemis in his own gruff and sarcastic way. After a few minutes of silence, only the noises of our glasses being emptied and the dim buzz of the refrigerator disrupting the quiet of the night, Artemis sighed wearily. "I really don't know how... or even if I should talk about this. I'm not sure Minako would appreciate anyone else knowing..." I looked at him sternly and would have assumed a posture with hands on my hips had I been standing. "So, you don't trust me to keep a secret?" I smirked slightly, allowing a bit of understanding to show. Artemis waved a hand in a marginally frantic manner. "No, no... It's just..." He sighed again and dropped the hand along with his shoulders. "... complicated. Besides, I'm not sure you'd like what happened... especially the incredible mean timing." Sullenly he turned his head to look out of the kitchen window into the shadows of the night outside as if they were hiding some ultimate solution to his worries. "Nani?" That last part had gotten my attention quite well and now I was determined to get to the bottom of this. Artemis knew me well enough by now and for him to say I wouldn't like whatever happened was even more troubling. Artemis was someone who often liked to downplay things or make me feel better about a bad situation, often being successful at that. That goofy, yet caring attitude was one thing that had always attracted me, since it complimented my own often too serious worldview and sooth my own worries to endurable levels. To have him so morose and worried about a situation was a scarce occurrence. Gently I reached out to grasp one of his hands over the table, making him look back at me with a resigned expression, as if already knowing that I wouldn't stop pressing until I found out what exactly happened or he clearly asked me to drop the matter. I would, if he really meant it, but one look in his eyes told me enough to know that wasn't the case. Artemis came here to speak about his worries, he just didn't know how to bring it up without feeling like he was betraying Minako's trust. "Now, tell me," I gently urged. "I can see you want to. I promise I won't bring it up around the others whatever it is but..." I squeezed his hand gently. "That sullen look doesn't belong there and I want my goofy Artemis back. So spill." I smiled and he returned it weakly albeit slowly. Then his expression shifted to a more serious one. "Do you remember Minako's birthday party last year?" That beginning threw me a bit but I assumed Artemis needed to just stall a little and explain at the same time. "Um... yeah, sure. Why?" I fondly remembered that one actually as the last official birthday party we had with everyone present. Even Haruka and Michiru had been back from touring the world. Makoto decided to have hers with Hotaru two days from now... well, technically it was tomorrow already. Everyone had a lot of fun that evening. "After almost everyone had gone home, Makoto and Hotaru were the last still there. Frankly, I'm only telling you what Minako told me since I had gone home with you, too." Rubbing his temples and then taking another long sip from his freshly filled glass, he continued, "To make a long story short. We were all a little... spirited that night. I'm sure you remember." I blushed faintly, remembering quite well that minor detail. There had been some alcohol and everyone had taken to it rather quickly with mutual stress in their school life and jobs being present. I think that had been the first time I had gotten drunk in this time period. After the effects of Galaxia's treatment had worn off we had discovered that our shape-shifting ability had been unlocked again, which was a great relief in some situations to say the least. I was still a little embarrassed that I had consumed more than Artemis that night - who despite what one might think never had been a heavy drinker in the Silver Millennium -, prompting him to almost carry me home. After allowing himself a smirk at recognizing that I indeed remembered that night, Artemis resumed his tale. "As I said, to make it short. Things got a little more heavy after everyone left. Minako couldn't supply actual details. Those three were rather far gone after all." He chuckled weakly at that memory and then looked at me with a look that told more than any words could ever express. "I believe you can imagine where they found themselves the next morning?" For a moment I was confused, then it hit me rather hard between the eyes and I blinked slowly. Some things did began to make sense at that moment. Especially Minako's absence from group meetings since the party and maybe some of her odd behavior at the New Year holidays. Usually the Senshi's leader had always taken her duty seriously, even with her tight schedule. "Ah..." I managed to say. "I can guess." Deciding to voice my conclusion and to probe further, I asked, "And Minako feels bad about that or something?" I felt there was more behind it. Artemis wouldn't come to me because of something like that and I doubted it would affect his charge THAT much and THAT long. Artemis would have come earlier to me if that was all that troubled him. "If it was just so simple," Artemis replied, as if sensing my own thoughts. "Apparently something else happened then. Something she hasn't told me about and which, believe me, left me quite floored and a little hurt. Minako didn't think there was any connection but..." At the exasperated look I turned his way because of the stalling, he sighed again. "Minako is pregnant, Luna." I'm not sure I sat there for a few seconds or a few minutes until I was able to reply to that in any sort of vocal manner. Quite frankly, I had asked for a direct answer but that one hit me virtually unprepared. I couldn't get my mind around this revelation, so many questions spinning around it in my head. Why hadn't Minako told us? And foremost what did that all have to do with that night's encounter Artemis told me about? There was the connection? "But... how...?" I finally managed to get out, meeting Artemis's sympathizing blue eyes. Closing his eyes briefly, he reached into his pocket and put something on the table that at closer examination turned out to be a small compact. A small compact with a crescent moon design that radiated strong magical power. Just like the pen I had given Usagi... A lot of the loose puzzle pieces fell into place with a resounding bang and all I managed was a rather weak, "Oh dear..." ****************************** (Hotaru) The sky had turned black already when I finally reached the apartment block. And I got there in a much more sober mood than when I had left the school's special wing. Bringing up my suspicions to Setsuna had been one thing. That was only a vague worry for now but then I had practically run into Minako halfway home... or she had run into me. In any case the encounter left me rather uneasy, confused and to not just a little extent hurt. It had become clear the moment I looked at her that something had pretty much upset her today. Or more like several somethings. I had asked her what was wrong, concerned about seeing the normally cheerful and easygoing blonde so distraught, but after some hastened and pretty unconvincing excuses she had brushed me off and was gone before I could really react, the oddest expression in her face that I had ever seen. It had hurt to be ignored like that. Aino Minako was important to me. More important than she might ever realize... or better would like to realize. What had began as a little infatuation and a mild case of a crush when I grew up... again... had - ever since I decided to alter my age back to the one I would have had, had I not died - changed into something deeper and rather depressing considering the hopelessness of the case. That hurt both me and Saturn which might seem odd to me if I hadn't had the memories clearly in my head of a time long past. However, that was then. And Aino Minako was not that Venus anymore. Compared to Saturn, who next to Pluto was the oldest Senshi with the most intact memories of all her incarnations, Minako was nothing like that Venus I had once known anymore. Millennia - even more than that - had passed since then and I was not foolish enough to expect something of a person that didn't really exist anymore in that manner. Don't get me wrong, that was not all that drew me to her. That would have been mere nostalgia and probably not so much my own feelings than that of Saturn, although we were mostly the same now - a rather complicated matter. No, there were a lot of qualities that attracted me to Aino Minako and a lot of those I had gotten to know after Galaxia, when she had taken it upon herself to hone my combat skills since I didn't have much experience in strategy or general combat. Saturn had been mostly an inactive Senshi, only called upon when necessary. The last time she had been in active battle was a very long time ago. Minako had taught me moves and reflexes, improved offense, defense as well as speed and all with a lot of patience. That was the time where I really took an interest in her. Startled I realized that I had stood outside the apartment for some time now, lost in thought. With a sigh, I softly said to myself, "Who are you kidding? For her it was just a night, a nice one granted, but in the end just a night. No more, no less. It appears not to be in our destiny to be together in this life..." Shaking my head in self-pity I unlocked the door and stepped into the apartment, noting at once while the apartment was lit and obviously occupied Makoto wasn't anywhere in sight. I slipped out of my shoes and jacket, proceeding into the main living room. With a calculated look I took in the fact that no dinner was prepared and a glance into the kitchen showed that obviously lunch hadn't been done there either. I made a quick conclusion. Obviously Makoto really had felt lonely. Noticing the towel about one of the chairs and spotting light from the bathroom, things fell into place and I had to smile gently. She'd probably dozed off in the bath again. Ever since we got that bathtub she took great pleasure in nearly overstaying the amount of time that was healthy in there, especially after a hard day of work or training. Not that I could fault her. The thing was just so damn comfortable... I picked up the towel and went over to the bathroom, as silently as possible sliding the door open. Prepared to just simply drop the towel inside so Makoto could reach it, I found myself standing transfixed in the doorframe for a very long time. My brunette roommate and gracious host for pretty much a year now was obviously comfortable, laying there in the small tub, completely submerged and head rested on the rim, eyes closed. The sight was mesmerizing and I couldn't avert my eyes even if I would have tried to, which I didn't. 'She's beautiful.' The thought came with a surprising suddenness but no actual amazement. It was more like a statement, a fact. I had had this thoughts a lot the last few months. Things had changed between us. Subtly at first but ever since this both dreaded and fondly remembered night at Minako's birthday there had been unmistakable _moments_ between us. The kind that are timeless, that need no words or rational explanation. They are just there and both of us were aware of it. The whole thing, despite the fact that none of us had been really embarrassed or appalled by the incident, had left its marks. Minako had been rather "busy" as she often claimed and New Year had been the first time she had really spent longer than a few hours with the rest of us. Makoto and I though were living together, which made it hard to ignore the building... well, I wouldn't call it tension. Whatever it was, it was getting hard to ignore. Neither of us had brought the incident up but we both knew it was on our minds. Especially in those certain moments of mutual empathy. I believed neither of us was quite ready to deal. Of course I knew about Makoto's own feelings and how complicated all this was. I didn't even feel any jealousy, actually more sympathy than anything else. We were kind of in the same boat as they say. And the brunette had known her fellow teammate longer than me, had spend much more time with her. She wasn't even actively looking into relationships these days and the one she'd be interested in was pretty much impossible, not to mention the other party was pretty unaware of it. That left her lonely. Not in the way that it was really showing or affecting her life. Makoto wasn't the type to easily get dragged down over a hopeless case. Yet, I know what it felt like and I could see that loneliness in her eyes more often than I wished. The kind of loneliness I often felt since Chibiusa returned to her time, the kind of loneliness that had prompted me to get away from the other Outers to seek my own life. The kind of loneliness that I felt every time I saw Minako, emotions of longing invoked by both myself and Saturn. Just like now for example. Times like now I felt the most vulnerable and I became more and more tired of the whole ordeal. While it did drag neither of us down visibly, it left me feeling unfulfilled and the same had to be the case for Makoto. I valued the friendship we had built over the year but there was something more now, and as I said, I was beginning to grow tired of dancing around each other. I thought it was time to accept that things had changed and that this change might bring both of us some salvation. Maybe not what any of us looked for but probably better than the lethargy of the common routine, the distant longing and loneliness. Those who do no accept change, will forever be caught in the monotonous purposelessness of their life. And so, decision made, I went with the flow of life, the nature that was dictated by chaos, the constant change. Closing the bathroom door I stepped up behind the still unaware Makoto. ****************************** (Makoto) Body relaxed and mind wandering, it was times like that I was really glad to have that small furo. The original apartment hadn't come with a bath tub, just a shower. That was enough for me in all those years I've spent here but when Hotaru had moved in she had offered... well, pretty much demanded to share the rent - which was already low enough since the realtor and I had been on good terms for years now. With that and the money both Hotaru and I earned on the side the one or other luxury could be afforded. Such as a nice, cozy bath tub... And a hot bath really did wonders after a good meal, some heavy workout and another good meal to reenergize. Really, it was a wonderful benefit to have a restaurant and a dojo just next to each other and I often found myself taking advantage of the family business my employers ran even outside my regular working schedule. After all I got discounts and next to cooking your own meals, those were the best ways to enjoy good food. And good was a culinary understatement for the incredible Chinese-style feasts my Sensei's wife and employer could create! I could have gone to work in the first place, I mused. Sure was better than sitting around here all alone, so not my style. Usually I would have gone out to shop or something. However, as per usual at New Year, there had been a lot of leftovers that still needed to be consumed. That was not due to the fact that the group didn't enjoy my cooking but we tended to buy too much altogether for those big parties... often more than even Usagi could eat, as hard as that might be to believe. Besides, even if I had went out alone, I would have just wound up as lonely as I felt cooped up at home. With Hotaru gone to do something at Neo Infinity I had already anticipated that she'd be there for the rest of the day knowing her persistence in matters of success, something I could very well sympathize with and found to be a rather endearing quality. Great, now I was back to what I had hoped to escape in the first place. I couldn't help it though, considering that I lived with the little Firefly for almost a year now, makes it hard to ignore her presence or any conflicting thoughts and emotions. Emotions that hadn't really been where since that one night but had grown to something more potent between us. And I doubted somehow I was the only one aware of that. Not that I would be terrible prejudicial about the implications. No, the problem was that the whole thing was much too complicated to benefit from further exploration. I knew where giving in would lead to. A lot of hurt, that's where. While my thoughts drifted and my eyes were closed, I was rather unaware of my surroundings. Sure, my dangers senses were still active and if there had been anything wrong in the apartment I would have known. But there wasn't anything wrong and I had gotten rather comfortable and relaxed around Hotaru in that one year living together. Therefore it might be forgiven that I did not notice the other presence behind me before I was MADE aware of it in a favorable manner. Despite my earlier thoughts I couldn't help but sigh at the feel of small, delicate and very, very talented hands massaging my shoulders, further aiding to the already greatly relaxed state of my body. I didn't need to turn around in order to know that it was Hotaru and for about a minute - longer than initially planned - I just sat there and enjoyed the slow yet firm kneading motions. However, I tensed slightly when Hotaru's hands began to move around from the shoulders to my back and then advancing to the front of my body. While I really wasn't sure if there was an intention of moving further, I wasn't keen on letting it go there in the first place. Catching her hands with my own, I turned my head slightly and was startled at just how close the dark-haired girl's own pale face was. "You're back late," I stated matter-of-factly, a slight tingle becoming more and more pronounced in my body. Hotaru looked apologetic which still somehow managed to appear cute. "I lost track of time. At least I got it right now." She held up something that I didn't see from my angle at first. She moved the object a bit more into my field of vision. "Your towel," she said in the same voice I used before. With a slightly triumphant smirk at my sheepish expression, she added, "Tell me the truth, how long have you been in here?" I made a face, not daring to let my embarrassment show any further of once again being caught of having stayed longer in the hot bath when was necessary and probably healthy. "I can't help it," I replied with a pout and as way of comeback with a smirk of my own countered, "Besides, I can't count how many times I caught you lounging in here for an hour or so." Hotaru blushed and there was that fluttery sensation again that I tried hard to ignore... which was becoming more difficult by the minute. That girl had really developed a lot and very fast that was. Not just in age but also in terms of beauty. I knew for certain that she did turn a lot of heads on the streets and probably at Neo Infinity, too. At times I thought it a shame that she limited herself to a crush on someone she sadly enough might never have but lately I had felt rather protective in those situations, not really able to explain at first why some strangers looking at her _that_ way made me feel jealous. By now it had become more and more obvious. Hotaru tugged at our still joined hands. "Come on, get out there, lazy," she urged gently. "I don't want you to melt." With far less reluctance than I had expected I let myself be pulled up. Stepping out of the tub I went to take the towel from Hotaru but was surprised when she held it just out of reach. Looking at her with an arched eyebrow I was taken off guard by the unreadable expression. It was somewhat somber, maybe serious or calm... While I had begun to read and understand the younger girl much better, it was situations like those that I was reminded how complex she really was. Her relationship with her past life was a far more active one, setting her apart from the rest of us - except Pluto. And Saturn was much harder to understand than Hotaru was. The thing was the young girl had more or less adapted most of her Senshi personality's traits and it was becoming harder to tell the difference. "Hotaru?" I asked tentatively and almost jumped when the smaller girl stepped closer, all but violating personal space. Wordlessly she began to dry me off with the towel and I was too perplexed to do anything but allow her to continue. I was rather aware of the feel of the material over my naked skin and the lingering touches that were of telltale quality. Stopping in her motions after a short while, Hotaru looked up at me again and now there was clearly something in her eyes that I felt all too compelled and too accustomed to. There was a certain loneliness lingering that I had seen a lot of times but there was also need. A need that made me catch my breath since I could tell there was a lot of genuine emotions behind it. Feeling myself lean into the touch of Hotaru's fingertips on my cheek, my gaze didn't leave her eyes. "I don't think we..." I started but somehow knew that it was futile. Hotaru smiled a mixture of reassuring and sad. "We can't ignore this any longer. I thought about a lot of things while meditating today. We are both lonely and there is something between us..." she trailed off and then leaned forward. The kiss was short but hungry, a definite quality that I wasn't sure I felt disturbed or amazed by in someone so young. "What about...?" I started again, conscious thought becoming a hard thing to maintain, one of Hotaru's hands now tangled in my hair and the other sliding rather close to chest level. "We both know that waiting for her will only make us more lonely." I was drawn into another kiss and my hands came around on her back as if having a mind on their own, pulling the smaller form closer. "Let's not think about her or anything else tonight. I am sick of waiting," Hotaru whispered and her voice was now almost a purr. I shuddered visibly but the thing was I could really not find any fault in her words. I didn't have a relationship since my old boyfriend, not even those pseudo one week things She had most of the time. I had given up hope there long ago but that didn't help me to find other options. That HAD left me lonely and right now that loneliness had increased so much I really didn't care very much anymore. And Hotaru's obvious determination made it nearly impossible to not succumb to the temptation. And so I simply relented. It's not like one night would make much of a difference in the long run, right? ****************************** (Sakura) A wizard's study was supposed to be dark and gloomy, illuminated by little light, preferably just a few candles to cast just the right light and atmosphere, not to mention helping with incantations. It was supposed to smell in a certain way, too. Things like incense, molten wax, the particular scent of old dusty books that had preserved time. Nothing of that really held true for the not overly polarizing but instead rather normal decorated room. The curtains were of a light blue, pulled close but semi-transparent and allowing sunlight to pass through. Right now the sun had set already and the room was indeed basked in candlelight. Not so much for tradition's sake or to aid my work. It was more for the atmosphere and maybe just a few nostalgic memories of a life long past leaking through. Withdrawing the long staff from the piece of paper on the table in front of me, I let it shrunk back to the size of a tiny key before returning it to its pocket. Picking up the card on the table I gave it one last final examination before allowing myself a smile of satisfaction and success. "Finally done." Taking out the glass of partially magical-processed ink I proceeded to write down the card's name on the front. This one may actually come in handy, figuring some things out. Especially for Tomoyo who still only remembered her past life in flashes and semi-significant to significant scenes. 'How long has it been now?' I mused. Almost seven years now. I would turn eighteen next month and thus come full circle. It had been shortly after my eighteenth birthday that all this had truly begun. Back then, when I made my decision, it had seem so major and I had had no idea what I was getting into. That statement held true but in much bigger proportions than I had ever imagined. What did one expect of going back in time anyway? But the events had led up to this event where just too traumatizing and I had felt too guilty to allow any other decision. It had worked out in the end but the terror that had befallen my old timeline had followed and all too soon I had once again been confronted with one of the few things that managed to instill abject fear in my heart... only to come out of this test victorious. It was an easy victory though. No doubt there. Oh, sure, around that time it had probably been the toughest challenge I had ever had, resulting in consequences far beyond my wildest imagination. Yet, I knew that the horror that had graced my life two times already was by far not so easily defeated. I did not react in any way surprised, instead closed my eyes in contentment when two slender arms encircled me from behind and the familiar feeling of someone resting their head on my shoulder. "You always work too hard. I told you that countless times," Daidouji Tomoyo said with a mixture of endearment and gentle scolding in her voice. Just her presence alone always made me remind myself that for her alone my decision had turned out to be the right one. Even if it meant to relive most of my childhood and working through a lot of guilt from the baggage I had brought with me from my timeline. "That's why I have you to keep me in line," I smiled with affection. "I am finished anyway." I took one last look at the card, checking it both optical and spiritual. Satisfied with the result of the last crucial examination, I put it into the book with the rest of the cards. A good thing the little pocket they were in was somewhat connected to subspace because by now it would otherwise not have fit anymore. Turning my head slightly to look at Tomoyo, I saw her with an arched eyebrow, her expression almost as if she were about to giggle. "Memory?" I blushed faintly but the humor in the sparkling blue eyes was addictive and I soon found myself smiling feeling much more energized as I actually was after working out the last details on the card. "I thought it might come in handy. Maybe this way you'll be able to better focus on your memories..." I trailed off slightly. "That is if you want, of course..." I was almost expecting the kiss and melted into the contact with years of experience that still had never managed to make me grow tired of it. That was a truly amazing thing. Our relationship had matured, yes, but in the basic, there where it truly mattered, nothing had changed. And that, I decided, was a very good thing. I doubted I would ever have been able to recover from my ordeal if not for that selfless, understanding girl who had accepted me even in my warped form when I had proceeded to carry out my decision in earnest. Tomoyo pulled back and slightly flushed I realized that my fingers were now tingled in the strange mix of lavender and black hair. "Stop that right now. We decided on accepting where all this would lead us and we promised each other that we would go this path together. You do not need to face this alone again, Sakura-chan. Never again." See what I meant? Tomoyo was plain out amazing. No one understood me better and she had always accepted AND loved me for what I was, unworried or unconcerned by outward and even inward changes. She had only always seen the girl she loved. I seriously wondered why I had ever been that oblivious during my first time growing up. Quite frankly, Tomoyo was the best thing that ever happened to me. With a fond smile I released her briefly only to stand up, taking her hand. "You are right, of course." With a smile that was much more seductive than should be expected from a seventeen year old schoolgirl - in appearance only, I continued, "I, for my part, think that actually testing can wait until tomorrow. I'm beat." With a wink, I further added, "But surely I still have some of that excess energy you love so much about me to spare..." Tomoyo almost - ALMOST - managed to look scandalized but the mischievous smile and the deep penetrating stare that was too subtle for anyone but me to see, shattered that half-hearted attempt right away. "Why, Sakura-chan. I'd almost thought you wanted to seduce poor young me." She made a tsking motion but than batted her eyes at my feigned look of hurt. "Oh, come on. Off to bed with you." I complied without putting up any reluctance at all. ****************************** (Minako) The rising sun was bathing the sky and familiar landscape of Tokyo in an ocean of orange-gold. The color reminded me a little bit of that of my mother star, Venus, and my assorted color as a Senshi. Sitting up here on the balcony at mornings had always been one of my favorite things and I just realized how much I missed that in the last months where I had been so busy - or busied myself - that I rarely woke up early enough. I had come to enjoy it during my time with Artemis as Sailor V. He had been rather rigorous the first month, putting me through hard and very early training after I had fully awakened as Venus. I didn't complain back then and it had helped me to overcome most of my oversleeping problems. It had been so easy back then, without much worries about life in general. Sometimes I wished I could just go back in time or maybe live on the Moon again, just as Venus, leader of the Royal Guard and the Inner Senshi, protector of the Princess. I had a clear purpose back then, a fate that was easy to understand and easy to submit to. I had been happy and content with life back then. Now, now everything was so different, so... difficult. There were so many conflicting thoughts, emotions, so many different paths to take, so many conflicting fates to keep track off. It was times like now, after the absolute epitome of a bad day that I got aware of how much easier it had been when I was just a simple schoolgirl or a soldier to protect a prosperous kingdom. Being both was oh so much harder. I sighed mournfully, resting my head in my hands, continuing to stare out over the city as I let my thoughts travel back to yesterday and the series of events that had stirred my life directly into a never-ending downward spiral. All my life - or lives - I had been a survivor, never giving up on a goal or letting circumstances and temporary misfortune bring me down, yet right now I felt like doing just that. The situation was so surreal and hopeless that I almost felt like laughing. But amusement was the furthest thing on my mind. I grunted slightly as I felt a soft kick in my stomach area, reminding me once again of the cause of all of my problems right now. It was utterly ridiculous if you really thought about it. I had spend years searching for a suitable partner, the one man who could be the right one for me. Oh, I had had a few sexual encounters when I got older but by far I did not consider myself some kind of slut. Yet, nothing had ever come out of the dozens of relationships - as far as you could use this term for most of them - and now I suddenly woke up pregnant because I spent ONE night, one freaking night, with two of my best friends and fellow Senshi because of loosened inhabitations. How ironic and utterly unbelievable was that, hmm? Not that I resented same sex couplings. I was the Senshi of Love after all, such prejudices went against my very nature. I had just never seen myself like that... or maybe never wanted to see me like that... With something that one could either determine as determination and other would as stubbornness I forcefully pushed the thought away. All I ever wanted was a normal, nice guy. Something not as crazy and bipolar as my life already was. I was always between extremes. Was it so impossible to long for some sort of normalcy? Apparently, yes. Or how else do you explain winding up pregnant from sex with two girls? Oh, I was pretty sure I found out the cause for that, however, that didn't help at all to make me feel better about it. Poor Artemis, he probably got one heart attack after another when I finally confided to him yesterday. I felt a little guilty for having kept my pregnancy secret so long, especially from him. But I really had had no idea how to deal with it or how to explain it in the first place. Now that I could, after being kicked out from the career I had so carefully nurtured, I needed to talk to someone. Since Artemis had taken permanent residence in Tsukino-ke with Luna we hadn't spend so much time together and it had been rather easy to hide my physical state. Which was another thing that was pretty abnormal about this whole situation. I know I should show more signs already being about two months along. Yet, aside from a tiny amount of morning sickness and some outward appearance, the physical pains of a pregnancy were rather absent, still there in some cases but dim and almost not noteworthy. Artemis had looked like he had some idea about why this was but didn't want to say anything until further research. The same thing went for the compact. When I told him about my theory he had just looked at me very, VERY oddly and stated that it was _possible_. The way he said it though left not much room to argue whether or not he agreed with my sentiment. I knew him too well for that. Personally I had no idea how it could even be done. I had used the thing countless times and therefore was pretty much sure that the change was not fully physical. However, when I drew the compact from subspace I did register something different, something more potent about it. And I had this dark suspicion that something was done to do it that night. I desperately wished now to remember but the memory eluded me, clouded in the fuzzy haze of mystery caused by too much alcohol. That was the last time I touched anything alcoholic again afterwards. Didn't help at all that we sort of got into each other's hairs after the revelation. Artemis and I, that is. There was a lot of hurt feelings on his part, at least that was my best guess. I hadn't gotten such a lecture from him since my time as the inexperienced Sailor V. I was pretty agitated already anyway and so I didn't really back down either. His chiding hit too close to home, it was simply too much the truth of what I felt myself to not get a rise out of me. That didn't last long, we traded some apologies and Artemis took off, promising to analyze the compact further. I was pretty sure he went to Luna and probably told her. I wasn't too keen on that but there wasn't much I could do about it either. Left even more irritated and angry at myself, the whole damn situation and the world in general I had taken off against any better judgment, seeking some sort of safe haven. Scott was a nice guy. Originally from America but lived in Japan for nearly a decade already. We had met through work, a performance we had together. That had been about a month ago, I had just learned about my pregnancy and needed some sort of distraction. I really thought he was different from all the rest. After all he was charming and rather understanding about a lot of my quirks. No, I didn't tell him about the child but maybe I would have sooner or later. I didn't do it yesterday evening and quite frankly I believe the result would have not varied, only in intensity. Scott turned out just like the typical rich guy after all. Superficial and only interested in his own personal gains, like more status, money and better appearance. Just like most men in the higher class I had met thanks to my uprising status in the musical world. Turned out he dropped me like a bag of yesterday's trash the moment I told him about being... set on vacation... The jerk. Not that he was worth the anger. Still, that had nearly been the stone that spilled over the pot or something like that. I was rather livid when I left his house... and then ran into Hotaru. Of all people, she was the last one I wanted to see right then. Ever since discovering the possible cause of my pregnancy I feared that if anyone could have done the change to the compact that night it probably was her. From the three of us only she had powers beyond that normal for a Senshi and the implications that fear could led to scared me, scared me more than any Youma, Droid, Daimon or other hostile creature that I had ever faced. I was not silly, despite what she and probably Makoto too, might be thinking. I was more aware of the looks than I wished to admit to myself. I wanted to tell myself that I just wasn't interested, that I didn't want to go explore that direction, that I just wanted to be able to have something normal. But it was much more complicated than that. As hard as I tried I could never manage to properly deal with their subtle, yet obvious affections and pretty much avoided the subject altogether. There was something unexplainable there, an element that I could not describe nor wanted to face. And so once again, I had brushed off poor Hotaru rather harshly, more so than I had meant to. She was really a sweet girl and I'm pretty sure I had worried her to death by now. I wasn't sure how to face her next time but I doubted she would let it go. The girl could be as stubborn as her surrogate _father_ and new roommate. I yawned loudly and turned to go inside again even though I really felt like just getting back into bed and sulk about the unfairness of life. Passing by one wall I glanced sideways at the calendar, seeing something circled in red for tomorrow... I didn't make the conclusion right away, my mind too occupied with other things. Only halfway into the kitchen I stopped in my tracks, bringing a hand to my head and deciding that trying to suppress the groan would be a wasted effort. Tomorrow was Hotaru's birthday. Not only that, I remembered. Makoto and Hotaru would both celebrate theirs at once. And therefore there was no way I could come up with a reason not to attend. "Kuso," I cursed and, realizing that there was no way that I could get around telling them about the child. They had a right to know. Letting myself fall heavily into a chair I almost - almost - wailed in utter self-pity. I had no freaking idea how to explain all this to myself. How was I supposed to explain it to them? ****************************** (Hotaru) The morning wasn't exactly sunny but neither was it pouring down like a cascade from the heavens in either liquid or frozen water. In fact it was more a gray, cloudy sky that could as well clear as it could thicken. 'She'd know for sure', I thought with what surely was a happy, little smile on my lips as I glanced down at the form who was resting comfortably against my own. I didn't really pay attention to the time as my gaze lingered on Makoto's sleeping body, watching the rise and fall of her chest, her peaceful, almost baby-like innocence displayed on her face - a trait I had learned to be a common thing for any human being when around someone deeply trusted. Her hair was for once not in the trademark ponytail but instead spilling out in long disordered waves over her lean and muscular frame. It was amazing that without looking like a bodybuilder the brunette still harbored such inhuman strength. Her physical appearance was not giving away the power sleeping inside if someone did not know that there was more to skill and physical strength than just muscles. And she surely knew how to put all that strength to some fantastic use! While this had not been our first time, the night about two months ago did not quite count. Neither of us really remembered anything in detail other than that it was intense and wild. This time I did remember and I would treasure that memory whether or not anything greater would result from this. Maybe that had been one reason why I had decided upon this gamble without much thought - regardless of what I told Makoto - but where had been a lot of other factors that had also somewhat come together yesterday. For once where was the loneliness both of us felt because our mutual interest was rather unavailable. Also it was true that I had meditated a lot about some aspects concerning love. I had come to realize long ago that while the soul might make bindings in the emotional sense that were very much eternal, they did not have to reflect upon or be binding for every incarnation. Most people who are favored with reincarnation do not even know that or why in the first place they are feeling attracted to a certain individual. I was quite aware of the fact and the why. Yet, the spirit that was individually created with each new life might make new bindings that contradict the one of the soul. Often that could lead to a very complex web of possibilities in some far away incarnation... but that was beside the point. The point was that I was beginning to finally allow myself to accept that Minako was not Venus. Not THE Venus I knew and loved so dearly. I never held her to that but basically there had always been a tiny ray of hope that someday she might remember. Minako was A LOT like MY Venus, more so than her prior incarnation. But all she seemed to remember was her life on the Moon. Not that that was surprising for the normal way of a Senshi's rebirth but the contradiction was nonetheless infuriating. I was tired of waiting, I was tired of being lonely. Both from my life as Tomoe Hotaru and from the eons spend as Sailorsaturn after the great war had confined me to my lonely existence, only always watching from afar. I had spotted glimpses of my prior mate's reincarnations but had been too scared to pry deeper in fear to lose myself in the agony. Makoto was offering something new, something to fill that void and it was offered with the same, even if not through various millennia intensified quality. A similar kind of loneliness that let me feel a form of kinship to the taller girl. That didn't change my feelings about Minako. Neither did it change her own. However, that was alright. We were in complete agreement there without it having been spoken. This situation was far from resolved but now, even if that avenue remained closed for us, maybe there was hope to find happiness in a completely different direction. Feeling Makoto shift slightly, my mental musing came to a stop and I favored the drowsy, somewhat stupefied expression with a warm grin. "Morning there. I hope I didn't wear you out too much, ne?" Apparently enough Makoto's sleep-induced mind was still working out the details of her immanent surroundings and peculiar position. I had been in a similar state upon waking and could very well sympathize. The confusion cleared quickly though, replaced by a wave of powerful emotions but eventually ceasing in a truly adorable frown. "Can't believe you are just turning eighteen tomorrow," Makoto mumbled at last. "I think my mind is still circling around Jupiter right now..." I allowed myself a triumphant smirk that the brunette answered with a slight shake of her head. Her emerald eyes though never left mine and the twinkle of amusement and the joy I saw there reflected my own feelings. Last night had filled a void inside of me that I had not hoped of ever being able to at least begin to fill again by anyone. Right now, for a few special moments just belonging to the two of us, I felt at ease, partially completed once again. And Makoto was feeling the same thing. It was an assumption... no, a knowledge based upon the kinship developed between us. "What can I say? Just because I have spent Millennia caged on my own planet that I forgot how to please a woman?" The statement was only half-serious, meant to lighten the mood. Indeed at times, I had wondered if I'd ever experience physical pleasure again. That and a lot of more issues the part of me that was Saturn had always been reluctant to share with Hotaru, shielding the innocence of the child I had long ceased to be, even without those memories. Being reduced to my star seed had been as much a trauma as it had been an enlightening to me. Having never went through reincarnation the same way the other Senshi did, I had learned the hard way that to achieve total harmony of soul and spirit would mean to accept each other albeit all conflicts that might arise. And in a way the Princess had been right as well. A Senshi was not just the Sailor Crystal. The star seed alone made just the soul, the general makeup. What made us living beings was the individual spirit, the heart that made us feel, that made us aware that we were alive. Even when my body was disrupted, I could still feel the part that was Hotaru, not only the part that was the Senshi Saturn. Makoto stifled a yawn and pushed her self upwards to match my half-sitting position. "Well, I definitely can't say I am complaining," she stated with a chuckle, then, without warning, pulled me forward in a deep kiss that was not nearly as passionate as some shared a few hours ago. This one was more sensual and maybe just a little bit needy - more like a linger of desperation, expressing the hope that the loneliness was banned for now. "Arigato." At my puzzled look, Makoto elaborated, "I doubt I could have brought up the courage to make the first step. I know you've come to terms with Saturn and that logically seen you are far more experienced when all of us put together but it's still..." I put a finger over her lips, shushing her. Indulging in the pleasure of another, chaste and only slight lingering kiss, I fixed my new lover with a soft, somewhat humorous gaze. "Don't thank me for that. By now I know you are a softie at heart." As expected I did not have to wait long for the indignant exclamation. "Hey!" I chuckled at Makoto's mock-infuriation. "I am serious, I am not that bad... Mmphmmhh..." Hmm, such a better way of putting that mouth to some use, I thought with a mental chuckle, hands tangled in messy brown hair while pressing our faces together. I let go after a few moments but it was enough to leave the other girl slightly breathless. So adorable... I started slightly at my own thoughts but became aware they were simply a potent result of recent events. "I think I'm falling in love with you," I whispered, effectively destroying any sort of reply Makoto might have come up with. In fact she looked the epitome of perplexed and taken by surprise. I had to admit I wasn't quite sure why I had felt the need to express the realization of my feelings out loud so soon but never less it had been the truth. "I..." Makoto started, but I stopped her again with a shake of my head. "Don't, it's okay. I understand and it doesn't change anything how I feel myself. We both knew this when we started this and we still know it. Let's just take that slowly and see where it leads. I don't need a reply to what I said right now, it wouldn't be truthful anyway." For a moment Makoto just stared disbelief and amazement warring against each other. At last I noted with relief and a little bit of pride that the latter clearly won out. "You are a very special girl, you know that? Minako is a true idiot not to acknowledge that." I blushed faintly at the sincere compliment and was rewarded with a chuckle. "It's true. Never doubt yourself about it." She looked out of the window and then at the clock next to the bed. "Ugh, I better get up and start breakfast. You didn't have dinner and are probably starving by now." It wasn't haste caused by uncomfortable feelings I noted at once. That would have surprised me anyway after last night. Makoto was actually concerned and at the same time didn't want to turn the morning after into some heavy soul-searching experience. And that was alright with me. There was an understanding between us and I was infinitely glad that I wasn't the only one aware of it. However, I wasn't quite ready to leave that bubble of happiness right now. I believed... no, I knew that we could return here, but it had simply been too long that I was able to feel so relaxed. My hands fell from their place in Makoto's hair and settled around her waist, eventually managing to pull her down onto the bed and in my arms. The taller girl was a little surprised but didn't resist at all. "Stay a little longer." Feeling the other girl's arms slip around me was answer enough. ****************************** (Minako) My sour mood definitely hadn't decreased about an hour or so later. At the discovery of the closeness of a possible confrontation about the issue that had turned my very life upside down in the space of roughly one day, I felt more like running somewhere far away. Only problem was that despite some of my troubles dealing with a couple of emotional issues I was never one to run away. I suppose it was the mentality of a leader that absolutely refused the run and hide instinct every _normal_ person in my position would have surely found understanding. And so it came that instead of lessening my bad mood had rather doubled. I felt totally purposeless, knowing that I was quite effectively without a place of work now. I had always been an active person. I needed to get out and face the world, not sit around at home, scooped up and nestled like a pregnant woman. I winced at that comparison and almost jumped to the ceiling at the sound of the doorbell ringing. Getting up against my own will it was times like that I had steadfastly refused to get any kind of servants for the quite spacious... house... Well, more like a mansion. It had been a gift from my - former - employer after the first year of success had practically given the company such a jump start that we had almost reached a level of international recognition. Not that I really NEEDED that much space but Yakamuri-san had been very persistent in accepting the offer AND he had not made any comment about giving it back now that... Well, technically all he had put me on was motherhood vacation. The term ignited another wince but also a half-smirk at realizing that he did not know I probably wouldn't come back anyway. I resolved to consider the matter as a small, personal victory. I really wondered who it could be at such an early hour. If yesterday hadn't happened, I probably would have slept in as well against all routine. That pregnancy thing while not affecting me in ways to be expected, did upset my inner instincts a little and I HAD found myself oversleeping slightly in the last month or so. The side effects were rather weird, a mix of what I know was natural and what definitely wasn't. To say that this worried me slightly would be an understatement. With a frown and an unpleasant comment for whoever dared intrude on me at such an ungodly, early hour, I almost yanked open the door only to come face to face with a cheerfully smiling, enthusiastic face, sparkling blue eyes and a familiar odango style which made me swallow my angry words right at once, exchanging them for confusion, not to mention a little apprehension. "U-Usagi-chan...?" There was a small knot of fear tightening around my heart. As I had already assumed, Artemis probably talked with Luna about my revelations from yesterday. However, I had thought them discrete enough to handle the matter as the delicate topic it was. Could there be a chance that Usagi knew? There was no way I could face her right now. I couldn't even face it myself and I was still wondering how to approach the necessity about telling the other two parties involved in this mess. That fear was thankfully dissolved quickly but the true reason for Usagi's appearance on my doorstep was not actually quite pleasant at the moment either. Looking somewhat apologetic, Usagi explained rather hastily, "I know, I know, we are a little early but I thought since we are preparing for two this time, we have more work, ne?" At this point I wondered if my mind was still asleep, refusing to get out of bed and face the world after yesterday because I really had no idea about what Usagi was talking about. "Ano... Preparing for what?" Usagi looked at me funny, as if sensing some hidden joke. I figured she thought that I probably was joking and right now I wished that it was that simple. I really didn't recall any... My thoughts were interrupted as I glanced past Usagi for the first time, seeing Mamoru coming up to the front gate with some boxes in hand, followed by two others I couldn't make out right away. And suddenly I didn't need Usagi's humorous reply to make the connection. "For Mako-chan's and Hotaru-chan's birthday party of course, silly..." Usagi trailed off at my immediate response which involved the doorframe and a lot of unnecessary, unpleasant contact for my head. "Ano, Mina-chan? Why are you banging your head against the doorframe?" Maybe a minute later I was actually able to cease that surely perplexing action. I felt like doing more than smashing my head senseless right now but could tell that I was becoming the focus of extremely anxious and worried looks. How could I have overlooked that little detail? Okay, how wasn't really the question. With the way my day had been going, I believe it was excusable that I failed to take into account when becoming aware of the impending birthday party that I had promised at the New Year festivals that I would host the party myself since it was hardly fair to treat Makoto's small apartment to such an event. We'd probably have a hard time finding a place to sit for everyone. If it was just us Inners that was alright but with Haruka and Michiru back and attending their adoptive daughter's birthday it seemed more logical to do it here. The problem was that when I had made the suggestion I did feel a little guilty for avoiding Makoto and Hotaru after our nightly encounter and had hoped to make it up to them this way. Now that I almost knew for sure though that they were heavily connected to the pregnancy thing, one could easily imagine how that affected me. How was I supposed to play the part of host for them without giving away to everyone present that without intending actually malice they were the last people I wanted to see right now? The task of getting the assembled group consisting of Usagi, her husband, Rei and her... apprentice into the house and myself to another cup of much needed coffee required all my years spend acting. And even that was not nearly enough. Usagi's caring nature and her special status in my heart made it almost impossible to lie to her and Rei was simply to observant to be fooled easily. Also, I didn't think my puzzling performance at the door had helped matters any. And so it was several minutes later that I had my four friends seated in the living area and myself remotely composed... which was nervous enough to make an animal running from a predator rethink what it really was that it feared. I studied the four worried faces warily, having stuck to standard phrases none of them bought in the slightest. Not even young Sasami, Rei's apprentice, sometimes partner and - or so my empathic senses told me - recent girlfriend. The younger girl had become a good friend since taking permanent residence at Hikawa and while she often displayed a carefree, cheerful façade to the outside world, years of acting made me a good expert on reading people and my instincts told me that there was something much sharper, more intelligent underneath what the public eye was privy to. While the blue-haired girl kept to herself, obviously feeling uncomfortable with prying into someone's else's business, Usagi and Rei made no secret of their confusion and quite evident worry. Even Mamoru looked concerned, was too modest to be the first one to speak up though. "Mina-chan..." Usagi finally started but I held up a hand, stalling her for the moment. I really, really felt way out of my league here. That was more than the human mind could deal with in such a short amount of time. "I apologize for that scene. That must have scared you pretty badly." Rei snorted but didn't respond which was rather unnecessary. I tried to prevent the uneasy silence by laughing, intending to downplay it but knew even while the words were formed that I wasn't very successful. "I'm okay really, just a little stressed. I, um... sort of forgot about the party." The four just stared at me and I smiled awkwardly for a moment. Then, realizing that I wouldn't get away with at least a partial explanation, I let out a deep sigh. "Look, I had a REALLY bad day yesterday and it is not anything that I would like to discuss right away. It's personal and I'm still trying to come to terms with it. I can hardly explain it to myself or am still wondering how I should explain it to anyone else, especially those who really need to know." With a look that I was sure was bordering on pleading, I concluded, "I don't want to keep any secrets, but can you give me some time to work that out before I tell you guys?" Usagi was about to say something but then closed her mouth and looked over at Rei who wore a neutral expression, her eyes fixed on me as if trying to actually pull the truth right out of me... which I know she would be capable of if she really would have wanted to try. It was to everyone's surprise Sasami who spoke up in a calm, yet compassionate manner, "That is alright, Minako-san. We all have some moments in our life that throw us out of the path we had chosen and thought to follow for a long time." The way she worded it elected a barely visible wince. There was something about the younger miko that was very hard to grasp. She had a little of Hotaru in the sense of mystery but essentially was a very well-mannered, good-natured young girl. Like Usagi she had a quality to always see the good in a person or situation but behind the red eyes of an often seemingly innocent child was a maturity that was as much disturbing as it was familiar, reminding me of myself sometimes when I just came into my destiny. Rei spared a side glance at her companion, then looked back at Usagi who nodded slowly. "Fine with me. I think it's too early in the new year for bad news anyway. But if you want to talk..." she trailed off but the offer didn't need to be made with words to understand it. I gave a tiny, grateful smile, knowing that despite my inner turmoil my friends would always be there. Now, if I could just figure out how to preserve my friendship with Makoto and Hotaru when they found out... "Should we relocate then?" a new voice interrupted the still slightly uncomfortable silence that followed. Everyone turned around to see Haruka and Michiru coming into the room side by side. Haruka smiled lopsidedly. "We let ourselves in. You really should close the door behind you, you know?" Rei glared at Usagi who was the last to come in but obviously decided to not say anything since I suspected she was as freaked out as our Princess had been at my behavior. "It wouldn't be that much of an inconvenience," Michiru stated softly, with a compassionate look in my direction. "We still have most of the decorations up from New Year and its our daughter's birthday after all." For a moment I was tempted to accept the offer but despite the haze in my head caused by too many shocking events in a row, some common sense fueled by years as the mutual leader of the Sailorsenshi managed to penetrate the fog. I had already figured out that I probably wouldn't be able to stall the issue of talking to Makoto and Hotaru for long. They had a right to know. And therefore I was much more comfortable with doing that here in my own house than somewhere else. Besides... "Ah," I replied at last. "Thank you for the offer but maybe this is just what I need to get my mind focused on something else. And since you are all up so early, we should have sufficient time to decorate, right?" Haruka looked at me as if daring me to take my words back and for a moment I squirmed under a gaze that wasn't as subtly penetrating as Rei's but much more direct, telling without concealment that the sandy-haired woman didn't believe a single word. She dropped the gaze though at a gentle touch from her companion and amended somewhat sarcastically, "If you say so." Truth be told, I really wasn't looking forward to doing anything except sitting in a corner and brood over the unfairness of life. Yet what I said was at least partially honest. The activity would provide some manner of distraction... hopefully. ****************************** (Makoto) A true Martial Artist was always compelled to mold all that he or she did into some form of training. Or so Sensei had taught me while on the other hand reacting to my inquiry about that particular wisdom in a curious sort of guiltiness, responding that it was actually a line from his father who I know for a fact that besides the Art Sensei had not much of respect for. Yet, there was some merit to the principle that he accepted long ago and I found myself agreeing with. While I would surely not succumb to some of the wild stories my Sensei sometimes told me about his youth, I tried to treat as much of everyday life as some form of training, be it for speed, strength or tactical experience. Of course, it helped that next to normal training the group hadn't let up on Senshi practice and I had a constant supply of challenges. So, yes, usually I did respect the principle... which didn't mean though that I had to constantly go roof-hopping to get from point A to B. While that method had drastically increased my overall condition and manipulation of my inner chi, I had lately found another, much appreciated method of transport. And it was quite evident that Hotaru enjoyed it just as much... if not even more. Maybe a little too much right now, I couldn't help but smirking in genuine affection at the body pressed tightly against me. I was certainly aware of the younger girl's chest pressed into my back as the wind rushed by as if we were on an open plane. I was pretty positive that Hotaru didn't really need to cling so tightly. As Senshi we could resist the conditions of outer space, therefore a little harsh wind should hardly make her cling so ferociously. Not that I would voice a complaint. I had had a lot of time to think, both of us falling into a rhythm probably not really expected from two girls who had just taken a major step forward in their personal relationship. Not for us though. For us the matter had been a conscious thing on a level of unspoken agreement. Hotaru might have been the aggressor but she didn't need to be told of my own thoughts and feelings on the matter. The growing tension between us didn't need to be actually named to understand it for what it was. I was actually thankful for the younger girl having taken the actual step. I wasn't sure how long I could have staid sane in face of this situation and I really didn't trust myself enough to have done the first step as much as I recognized the signals Hotaru had been giving off as reflections of my own. I probably would have just messed everything up had I tried. And so in a way, Hotaru's offer had been gratefully accepted when given. Had I had more time to contemplate, maybe I would have put up more of a struggle but at this moment, in an already relaxed state, all I had seen was the loneliness that I knew well enough and that I often longed to fill in myself. I never had had much of a relationship. Interests, infatuations, some minor, some more serious. But that wasn't about relationships, at least not totally. Not even my old boyfriend was anything more than mostly an infatuation, so I was by now ready to acknowledge. I had grown up without much love. My parents had died early and that had left me to fend for myself for most of my life. I didn't have much experience in how to deal with emotions or interact with others in what commonly was termed normal. Then I had become a Senshi and my life had found a purpose. I had found comrades that I could in many aspects relate to, friends that filled the gaps left by my parents' death. But the loneliness had never fully left me. I think we all suffered from that in some degree which made us even tighter in our friendship. However, regarding Hotaru my troubles felt somewhat insignificant. Unbelievable tiny. She had the sort of life and childhood - or proper lack thereof - that left you wondering if all things considered life hadn't been gentle and actually favorable towards yourself. That didn't just refer to the aspect of her current life, there was something far deeper about the aspect that was her past life - or lives - that made the loneliness in the way I had known it a horribly inaccurate term. This might sound selfless and maybe it was but... I had resolved to help Hotaru fill that void and maybe help myself in the process. The gentle girl deserved a lot more than life - or lives - had treated her to. That is why I had tried to actually help her out with Minako without her knowledge. Of course that turned out to be a rather unexpected result as we both knew and had not achieved anything lasting at all. If now Hotaru was willing to let me help this way, Kami help me, I was the last one to resist. By now both of us were too desperate for this kind of fulfillment to reject when it was genuinely offered. I brought the - to the normal eye - surely rather odd vehicle to a stop in front of the larger... mansion. As far as I know it had once been some sort of small castle that had belonged to a rich foreigner. About a century or so ago it had suffered fatal damage from a fire and had undergone a complete restoration, leaving it much smaller yet still rather impressive. Especially in the possession of a young, barely adult musical performer who was just beginning to achieve star status. Of course, the method of our transport was just as fascinating a topic. I helped Hotaru off in a partly mocking, partly honest display of chivalry. The bike in question could for the most part be termed a motorcycle if not for the futuristic looks the wing-like stabilizers at each side gave it. The attached engines were not quite ordinary either, able to achieve two hundred kilometers per hour without even coming in reach of their limits. The design was rather lean despite the construction and could fit in easily with the normal traffic. Not that it needed this since what had been termed a Sylphicle as a sort of prototype name was capable enough of actual flight. "I still don't think I could ever find any way to make an equal gift to that," I said with a humorous smile. The Sylphcycle was the first result of high modern technology combining science and magic that was practiced by one of the Neo Infinity branches and further researched in the adjourning Neo Tomoe Labs. Both Mamoru and Ami had helped construct this prototype and Hotaru had surprised me in making it a sort of gift for my own birthday, despite the lack of a proper party until now. She had said it needed a field test and there was no way she would let Haruka do that... which, believe me, I could very well understand. A curious thing that I had just made my own license and was in the process of looking for a motorcycle myself. Yes, curious indeed... Hotaru smiled and favored me with a look that made me blush slightly and grasp for a proper way to deal with. "No need to worry about that." For a second she glanced towards the entrance to Minako's premise and then quickly stood on her tiptoes to press a feather-light kiss against my lips. "You already gave me a wonderful gift last night. One that I cherish much more than any material thing." She slipped her hand into mine, pulling me along while I reached out to touch a button that reverted the Sylphcycle to not more than a tiny key that I slipped into my pocket. I fell into step next to her while we made our way past the entrance gate that wasn't locked as per principle. Minako didn't really liked it when we went and used the intercom system like some kind of strangers that had to be permitted entrance. We were expected anyway as the honor guests. I glanced sideways at my companion, still not quite sure what to make of her admission that had been as much honest as I had ever encountered with the dark-haired girl. A part of me wanted to relish in the feeling that maybe there really could be more than mutual compassion. Oh, sure there was enough affection to not have let the act become hollow. I wouldn't sleep with anyone just because we were both lonely. That would hardly be fair to Hotaru and it would have been a lie to myself, something that I really could not live with. Still, in the end I had the feeling that I would wind up just being in the way, a replacement. Hotaru never spoke very much about Saturn's relationship with some prior incarnation of Venus but what she did actually revealed to me in a considerable display of trust was enough to let me know that there bonds had been very strong, deeper than I could ever hope to achieve. And if given the chance... "You think I'll leave you again should she give me the chance, don't you?" Hotaru said softly, causing me to wince with the realization that I was that obvious. My lack of emotional attachments in my youth had lead to the negligence of subtlety in such matters and Hotaru I think had enough personal experience on that subject that I had to seem like an open book to her. I felt her squeeze my hand and her tone became more solemn. "I don't make my decisions lightly, Mako-chan. No, you will never take her place in my heart, I cannot assure you of that. But the human spirit can attach itself to more than one person. Soul mate or not. I would not have done what I did last night if I did not believe I could fall in love with you this way. And whatever happens, I will not just discard you when a better opportunity arises. For that I have grown too close to you over the last year." It was the first direct word either of us had spoken about last night in terms of fears, concerns and ultimately consequences. The seriousness with which Hotaru said this took me slightly off guard though. It invoked a sense in me that I had given my new lover a bit of a wrong impression. "I never meant..." Hotaru smiled up at me and that smile alone was enough to temporally silence me and make any concerns I might have insignificant. "I know you don't. But it still troubles me. Onegai, trust me when I say that I genuinely want to try this out. I can't say I'll stop to love her. As much as I'm sure you could give such a promise. But right now you are my primary concern albeit what may or may not be in the future." A moment of silence passed between us as we stood in front of the quite gigantic double doors that marked the entrance of the villa. A smile was shared in mutual acknowledgement and then we let go of each other's hand. As much as we both knew on a basic level what was happening between us and that we had still to actually come to put real love in the picture, we were not yet ready to come out with this new aspect of our relationship to our friends. We had to come to terms with it ourselves first. ****************************** (Haruka) With a fond smile on my face I watched our endearing Princess dig into her... um, fourth portion, I think, with as much vigor as when dinner had started. She had grown up a lot, both physical and in levels of maturity, but food still managed to make her revert to the equivalent of a small child. Not that any of us minded. I certainly didn't. Usagi had become really beautiful and I was VERY jealous of Mamoru at times, believe me. Of course, if Michiru knew what I was thinking right now... I glanced to the side and hastily turned back again to concentrate on my food at the knowing gleam in my partner's eyes... "I think we are all going to be fat at this rate when we reach Crystal Tokyo," Rei commented dryly but helped herself to another portion almost as big as Usagi's. She turned a look towards her companion that spoke of deep affection. "Not that I could ever get tired of your cooking, Miko-chan." The blue-haired girl blushed and I smirked with the secure knowledge that a lot more was implied into the compliment. Pretty much anyone here was aware of it regardless that they had never openly declared anything as of yet. "I have to agree. Between Makoto and you, Sasami-chan, as well as New Year and now, it is a wonder we are still able to walk," Mamoru remarked casually with a side glance at his wife who was too oblivious to anything but the delicious food to really listen. But everyone here was pretty sure she'd agree right away. I did certainly. The evening since our guests of honor had arrived had progressed nicely so far, with a carefree atmosphere and a lot of fun. Most of us were still pretty hyper from the New Year festivals and thus the mood was pretty much appropriate for a birthday party. Of course, gifts hadn't been opened or congratulations made yet. We were going to party in after all and even Makoto had refused to take anything out of courtesy for the real birthday child, or so she claimed with a smile and a rather concealed glance of deep affection at my foster daughter that had sent off alarm bells right away. Strangely enough I didn't feel like commenting right now. There was definitely something going on between them but truth be told that would relieve me far more than have my little Hime-chan someday show up on our doorstep with a total stranger. Sure, I still wasn't glad about her moving out but Makoto I at least knew and could deal with. Besides, if I said anything that sounded too overprotective I was sure to get one hell of tongue-lashing by Michiru. And she could be real mean if she wanted to be. Believe me, I'm speaking from experience. Therefore I accepted in silent reluctance that my daughter had obviously grown up faster than expected - the phrase held a much more twisted quality to it in Hotaru's case - and had forced to direct my attention elsewhere. While she did try to conceal it, Minako did not fool me one minute. She was clearly uncomfortable and nervous about something, something rather important. Important on a personal level maybe, but obviously complicated enough that it could affect all of us. I was somewhat amazed at her level of self-restraint though. Sure, the performance lacked the usual professional quality of someone in the acting business and I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who had picked up on it by now. After all it was rather rare for Minako to be so quiet all evening, especially at a party. She had also steadfastly refused any kind of alcohol and had regulated her food to a selection worthy of a pregnant mother. I had remarked on that and the flinch that I wasn't sure anyone but me had caught was more alarming than anything else. Of course, I could be seeing things but... I was also aware that both Makoto but especially Hotaru were giving her looks as if they had been privy to the incident from this morning. That left me wondering just how much they knew, how much whatever troubled Minako had something to do with them. The other blonde had spoken of "those who really need to know". Both Michiru and I were aware of the... tension - if that could be the proper term - between the three of them. I had no idea how long that had gone on since we had only recently returned to Tokyo and the spare occasions before that were not enough to form a lasting impression. Still as a _father_ I believe I had the right to be worried about my daughter and whatever was going on between her and the other two girls. Then again, all that could have happened was for one of them to have run into Minako yesterday as she had her "really bad day" and probably got worried from whatever reaction given. Nonetheless, Minako, despite her distracted behavior, was obviously aware of the looks and I couldn't help but notice her squirm now and then, only further confirming my suspicion. I was almost glad when at one point Makoto leaned over and asked if she could speak to us in private. I glanced at Michiru, noticing that everyone was involved in some sort of discussion, even Hotaru was conferring with Ami and Mamoru over something involved with her studies and projects at Neo Infinity that was entirely too high for me to understand. Judged by Makoto's serious tone I doubted this was about anything concerning her, Hotaru and Minako though. Shrugging I traded a nod with Michiru and we silently slipped away more or less unnoticed except Setsuna who made no move to follow regardless of that. No word was exchanged until we had made our way down the corridor into what was a very spacious kitchen that still showed the signs - and smells - of a well-prepared feast. Makoto looked around for a moment, allowing herself a smile. "One day I really like to know where she picked some of these recipes up. Xian Pu-san would be impressed, I certainly am." The way she said this was giving the statement a deeper meaning than the off-hand comment probably was meant to imply. She had a great deal of respect for Rei's friend concerning the culinary arts, something that should be rather expected given her current profession. On some level it was amazing but everyone had accepted the gentle blue-haired girl with an almost nonchalant ease. Even I found it utterly impossible to form any form of suspicion beyond natural curiosity. I had come to love this girls and was very protective of the extended family unit we were forming and there was no doubt about that Masaki Sasami - or so she claimed her name was - had many secrets, many of them maybe even Rei wasn't privy to. Although the older miko definitely did know some things at least. However, Sasami did not only resemble our Princess in hairstyle but she was virtually emitting the same aura of life and vibrancy, with a gift to see the light in every person. I had never seen the girl get angry about something or offended by some remark. If I didn't know it any better I would claim she and Usagi were related. And since I didn't know any better, I had not entirely discarded the possibility. Sasami wasn't the true matter of discussion here though. Makoto turned around with a more serious look and I at once shifted my own face into a mask obtained through years of being a Senshi, always on edge and wary of some form of opposition. There was no mistaking her demeanor that this was Senshi business and I had a vague suspicion about its exact nature. "I wanted to talk to you at New Year's but the atmosphere just didn't seem right," the tall brunette began without much preamble, then smirked guiltily, "Nor is now, I suppose. But this has been bothering me lately." "I take it, you have sensed the drastic shifts in the wind as well," I said, deciding to make it a little easier for her. Makoto nodded. "I'm not as good as either of you and I wasn't sure if this was of much importance." "But you suspected," Michiru intervened, sharing a concerned look with me. "Which is quite alright. I have the feeling if you asked any of the others they probably have picked up signs of their own by now. I wish I could tell you anything detailed but even Setsuna doesn't seem to know anything about this." That managed to startle the other girl. "She doesn't?" "Or she is outright lying to us which would be a first," I snorted dryly. "Setsuna can be mysterious at times but if she doesn't want someone to know something, she wouldn't outright tell you. She claims she can't and never could see the events leading to the rise of Crystal Tokyo for some reason and I am inclined to believe her." Michiru at this point glanced out of the window where dark had already settled. Her expression was impassive to anyone who didn't know her as well as I did. I knew the emotionless mask very well and could tell that in earnest her worry was as great as what was shown on Makoto's face and probably reflected on my own. "All we know is that something ancient is coming. Nothing in life can be achieved without a price. I would hope that neither of us is really believing that we are going to get our own kingdom handed on a silver tablet. Whatever is in store for us... It is my belief that it will ultimately be a test whether or not we are worthy to rule the whole planet." I looked over at Makoto, almost expected the shocked and stricken look at the way that was phrased. Michiru rarely got that fatalistic but she had her moments. Not that I disagreed with her logic. And neither did Makoto as it seemed from the thoughtful expression replacing the shock. "I've never thought about it this way. But that would make sense. What I am worried about is what would be the worthy equivalent of raising a world kingdom in form of a test?" Neither of us answered that one and silence reigned for almost half a minute leaving everyone to their own thoughts on the matter. At last a silent resolution passed between us that Makoto voiced. "We'll have to bring that up... later." "Yes, not today," I agreed with a nod. ****************************** (Makoto) The party had drawn to a close well around one in the morning. Ami had left first, claiming to be tired which was not surprising the way she was working herself so hard. Something in her eyes when she briefly looked at me unsettled me a little but I didn't pay it much more mind. Hotaru and I were the last to remain. Not just because we were the guests of honor but also because there was something left unresolved between us and the party host. Hotaru had expressed her concerns over her run-in with Minako which got her pretty worked up. That might have been one of the reasons for moving our relationship up a notch so suddenly and it still seemed to bother her. I couldn't help but notice Minako's nervousness, I doubt anyone could, and from the way Usagi and Rei were exchanging puzzled and worried glances I wondered what exactly had happened while they had prepared the house. "Well," I said in an attempt to break the silence and shorten the wait for our host to return from seeing the last of our friends off, "that was a nice party. How does it feel being eighteen now? I mean, in most of other countries you'd be an adult already." Hotaru snorted. "I feel much too old sometimes already as if needed to be reminded of my age, thank you." There wasn't really bitterness in the statement which is why the choice of words only managed to make me raise an eyebrow. With a softer voice Hotaru added, "It's still nice to have a family that cares..." I reached out and slipped my hand into hers, fingers intervening, which was the closest either of us had come to displays of affection while in the company of our friends. At my gentle squeeze, my dark-haired companion rewarded me with a smile of appreciation. "It is, isn't it? We are all probably the closest family anyone could hope for outside of blood relation," I said with a wistful tone of my own. I could very well understand where the other girl's statement came from. All the Senshi had something akin to a disharmonic family - except Usagi that is - but both of us shared a similar experience of being cut off from our blood relatives by the harshness of life. While I was but a small child when the accident happened, for Hotaru it was not much better. Her father had not been one at all after giving up his body to the Death Buster. He had pretty much ceased to be the loving man Hotaru knew then and that counted as a rather similar experience. I suppose that was another thing we had in common, another thing that made us kindred spirits and another reason why I had promised to myself to see it through that the other girl would be happy no matter what. I was surprised that I didn't jump when the soft clearing of someone's throat snapped us out of the moment. I hadn't even realized that we had just been sitting there, staring at each other. I averted my eyes and instead focused on Minako who strode into the room in a calm and confident manner. Being taught in my training to read body language to an extent that exceeded normal necessities but was central for a Martial Artist I at once picked up all the small signs. Compared to her behavior during the party our friend and leader was holding herself up much better. A front no doubt to mentally prepare her for a dreaded conversation. That alarmed me slightly and I exchanged a look with Hotaru. Until now I had thought my recent lover had exaggerated slightly about the distraught shape she had encountered Minako in. But seeing the blonde sit down with a forced calm that allowed me to pretty much feel the electricity around her, I had to wonder if all that was going on here was for Minako to suspect some questions about her behavior. If it was just something minor she'd probably brush it aside. Come to think of it, this was probably the first time since That Night that we were alone together in one room and Minako wasn't trying to avoid us. This definitely wasn't like her suspecting us to be worried and ask some questions. It was more like she was about to reveal something of her own that had her so nervous... no, pretty much scared in a way that the anxiety could explode outward at any given moment. And that definitely had me worried now while Hotaru was shifting uncomfortably in the thick silence that lasted for several seconds stretching out into a small eternity. "Gah!" Minako suddenly exclaimed more in a manner of surprise than actual pain and rubbed her stomach. The reaction caused us both to flinch, startled half to death. Minako laughed embarrassed, some of the tension melting away. That lasted only for a couple of moments but seemed oddly enough genuine, before giving way to a more bitter expression. "Now that was a fine way of illustrating the problem at hand..." Again both Hotaru and I shared a look of mutual confusion. Sure, both of us knew how moody the blonde could be sometimes but it was so rare for her to succumb to such extreme mood swings. "Ah, I take it this is about yesterday..." Hotaru began and trailed off, clearly unsure of how to approach the subject that we were dancing around as if it was the scythe of the grim reaper. "You could say that," Minako stated dryly, calmer than before, to a degree where it was almost unnatural. I decided at that point that I really didn't feel well under my skin in this situation. This had all the signs of potential trouble, harboring the possibility of turning our lives upside down. So I mentally prepared myself for the worst. "I guess you remember my birthday party, huh?" Minako continued, electing a couple of mixed emotions that surely were not privy to myself alone since we were all very much involved. The fact that Minako brought that up now - after two months of an unspoken agreement of silence - was only fueling the fire. Minako laughed with not much amusement, her voice a mixture of bitterness and sarcasm. "Of course, that is a silly question. How could you not even if I've been so avoiding as of late... I'm sorry for that by the way..." By now I really wanted to outright shout at her to get to the point. It wasn't only serving to make me anxious beyond rational sense but also produced some reactions from Hotaru that were altogether unpleasant and made me temporally want to scowl at the girl who I had very fond feelings for myself. Even if Hotaru said otherwise, Minako avoiding us after the incident had hurt her. I knew that the blonde didn't really resent any of what happened and there probably were some important reasons for her avoidance, yet I couldn't quite deny that I felt somewhat upset about the entire matter myself. It's not like we couldn't deal with a simple "It was nice but that's all there's going to be". Both of us pretty much knew this would be the reaction. Okay, maybe hearing it outright would be harder than I thought right now but still she shouldn't have acted like... "Does what happened really disgust you so much." I think even I was shocked by that question from my recent lover, said with a stoic calm that was somewhat chilling, clearly more Saturn than Hotaru. This almost emotionless expression and voice was one of the very reasons that the Senshi of Silence was feared like no other. But, somehow, I could detect a note of deep hurt as well. Glancing back towards Minako I noticed her reaction was all but passive, having turned away her face slightly but still clearly putting out signs of shame and regret. That still didn't exactly prepare me for her next words. Not at all. "I know that you love me, you too, Mako-chan." I wasn't sure how Hotaru reacted to this but if her shock was anything like mine I believe that our expressions must have been comical. The blonde girl across from us wasn't laughing though, just a sad smile that lacked any real conviction. "I am the Senshi of Love, minna, I can sense those things, you know?" That left both us a little chagrinned and effectively silencing any comment we might have made which I suspected was much to Minako's benefit. She had remained more or less calm... at least what could be described as that in our current situation. Now though I noticed that she was shaking slightly and her voice became more softer, almost desperate in quality. "I never meant to hurt any of you. I... care very much for both of you and please believe me, disgusting is not even coming to mind when I think back on that night." Her face lightened up slightly, only for a fraction of a moment and obviously Hotaru had as well. "I don't know why I do what I am doing, making a fool out of my love life and this really isn't about me... Well, actually it is..." She stopped herself again, fidgeting and if I didn't know any better she was the verge of a nervous breakdown... Alright, I really didn't know any better. Before that could happen though, Minako hastily deterred again, almost making me want to scream in annoyed anticipation. "You asked about yesterday, Hotaru-chan. Well, I really had a bad day and it kind of came all crashing down on me at once. Being fired, my career effectively ended..." "Nani?" I all but sputtered, the first thing I managed to say for some time. Again we were treated to a tremendous mood swing when the blonde laughed lightly, almost actually seeming amused, then sobering rapidly, appearing more morose than before. "Okay, not actually fired. More like put on forced vacation for pretty much the next year but all three of us know that my career is done for anyway in half a year." I tried to sort this out logically, not wanting to jump to any conclusion right now. Of course, with this logic Minako's statement of being fired was accurate enough. And I damn well knew how hard she had worked for this and how much she enjoyed every second of it. So, I could understand her being upset. But the question was why would her bosses feel the need to put her on vacation on the absolute height of a stellar career that had received reckoning from all over the world already. Nothing short of some accident rendering her incapable of performing would bring out something like that and Minako seemed pretty healthy to me... Hotaru had obviously been thinking the same thing and I was silently grateful for sitting already at her sudden exclamation. "Kami-sama! I thought I was seeing things but the way you winced when Haruka-papa made that funny comparison. You are pregnant!" I pretty much gaped at Hotaru, then turned back to Minako almost daring a denial from my friend. But the blonde only chuckled weakly. "And here I thought I was observant. You are right, I'm pretty much two months along..." Pregnant? My mind had a hard time wrapping itself around the concept. Despite my shock though something else began a steady rhythm of growing suspicion. "Matte, what does that all have to do with that night..." I recalled Minako's last words and came to something akin to truly troubling realization. "Two months??? But that was around the time when..." Minako reached into her pocket and pulled out a small compact that I immediately recognized as her own version of Usagi's transformation pen. "I had Artemis analyze it. Apparently the magic sustaining my compact has been changed somewhat, allowing a more physical alteration of the body than before." Yes, I was very glad that I was sitting. Very, very glad about that... ****************************** (Mamoru) "What was that all about?" I asked confused as I sat down in the driver seat of my car. The somewhat abrupt end in which Setsuna had suggested we'd call it a night was more than suspicious. I knew the older woman for a long time now, especially because our work often overlapped. And while she didn't actually demand from us to leave, there was definitely some not so subtle nudging. "Now, come on, Mamo-chan. Surely you can figure out that they wanted to be alone to talk," Usagi said nonchalantly, in a matter-of-fact tone that made me almost baulked at my wife. She had become so mature and calm over the years, I mused. There was a lot of Serenity in her now but unlike the Princess of the Moon, she had actually made the experiences of normal life and despite what others might think, the combination was a clear benefit for her. Serenity had only known life on the Moon. She had been born a Princess, only able to long for a normal life but never knowing it the way she had often wished to. The part of me that was Endymion had and still did love her but it was Usagi, with all her faults and quirks that I fell in love with in this life, even before I knew she was my reincarnated secret lover from a kingdom long time ago. "Well, I was there this morning, so I can understand that Minako wants to be alone..." The tension in the air had been tangible and only grew in intensity the more the evening progressed. And it wasn't just Minako... "Matte, did you say they? But the only ones that were still there when we left..." It was times like this that showed why Usagi was regardless of age and her other eccentrics the emotional expert. I might have incredible gifts myself but save for Endymion's memories, my life hadn't been one of many close, personal contacts until I met Usagi. Sure, I wasn't really avoiding every human contact but never had there been any strong friendships or maybe love interest like most boys my age. Losing my memories and growing up without parents had done that to me. Therefore than it came to emotional issues I had to concede the field to my wife... As much as that hurt my male ego. Usagi laughed lightly and I felt momentarily distracted by the merrily amused expression playing over her features. Kami, she had really grown up and by now was almost a complete mirror image of her future self, the Neo Queen. Many on my High School and at the beginning of University had looked at me funny when I mentioned my girlfriend and that she was almost four years younger. That had changed lately and more than often I had actually received envious reactions. A part of me actually relished in that change since some of the jerks who had _criticized_ my relationship and marriage to a much younger girl had to grudgingly admit now that they had been wrong. "Sometimes you are really clueless, Mamo-chan," Usagi chided with a twinkle in her eyes, telling me that she was only humoring me. "I thought you were there than Ami gave us those extra lessons." She winked at me meaningfully. What extra lessons...? Oh! My confusion cleared momentarily but elicited a faint blush that I quickly tried to hide... without success as Usagi's smirk indicated. "Ah that... yes," I murmured, clearly remembering Ami's tutorial a few months ago, as useless as they happened to be now. "Demo, what does that have to do with Minako's problem? And what is the connection with Makoto and Hotaru here?" I feverishly tried to figure out what Usagi was hinting at here but the obvious always eluded me. I knew I was pretty smart and often it was Usagi who gave me blank looks than I talked about subjects that were related to my work or other things of interest. Just like this evening than I had discussed some problems with a project of mine with Ami, Usagi had more or less pointedly ignored the conversation, more or less having given up on trying to understand what we were talking about long ago. Her interest lay more in art these days where she had shown remarkable talent lately. For the life of me I couldn't figure out where she was heading with her hints though. "Isn't it obvious?" Usagi asked with a rare confidence, indicating that she was rather assured of her own logic. Therefore I wasn't quite prepared for the at first seemingly absurd conclusion. "I've spent so much time preparing for one, I know what a pregnancy looks like. Even if Minako is pretty good at hiding it." My mouth fell open and I stared perplexed at my wife as if she had completely lost her mind. Which was my primary thought at that moment, mind you. Usagi giggled and reached over to actually proceed to close my mouth gently. After some time of serious contemplation that involved logic that I wasn't proud to actually relate to anyone who might know me, I managed the excellent articulated reply of, "Wha...?" At this point Usagi really burst out into laughter, drawing a cross expression from me that only further intensified the reaction. I guess I couldn't really fault her since I really must have looked like a fish on dry land or something like that. My wife's logic continued to fly right over my head though and thus I tried to get her attention with an undignified, "Hey!" Usagi's laughter slowly died down and she tried to actually look apologetic... which came out as a cross between the actual intent and a half-grin that really annoyed me. "Gomen nasai. You just looked so funny..." The half-smirk turned into a full one and I couldn't help but pout which brought further amusement to her eyes. "I know it sounds crazy and don't ask me how. I have no idea. But all the signs are there and Minako's behavior makes more sense this way. I could figure that her boss found out or something like that and well, you can guess the rest. She really loved performing, you know." That got me to give the notion some more serious thought. Granted it still sounded crazy, Usagi even admitted to that. But just assuming she was right and now that she said it, I had to admit that some of the signs Minako had been giving off over the day and evening could lead to that farfetched conclusion. Somehow I doubted though that any of her... relationships - as much as you could use the term for them - had been that tight. Her latest boyfriend hadn't been at the party either - which none of us felt like pointing out - and therefore I doubted there was some connection there. Besides I didn't see Minako as the irresponsible one. On the contrary she had become more and more serious over the years, discarding her teenage quirks and showing them less often. Which brought me to another thing I didn't understand. "Assuming you are right. I doubt Minako would be that irresponsible to accidentally get pregnant. And what do the other two have to with the whole thing?" Usagi appeared thoughtful for a few moments, obviously in intense concentration. I saw a certain haze clouding her gaze for a moment, something I had experienced time and time again whenever she was trying to remember something from her past life. "I'm not sure. You remember Minako's birthday party, right?" I nodded, not quite getting what my wife was trying to tell me but willing to listen, she seemed too certain about her idea to simply discard it as crazy. "I don't know how but I got the feeling something _happened_ there between the three of them." I caught the pronunciation and for once got the message right away, making me color slightly for the second time in a couple of minutes. "You mean they..." Not that I was that prudent to not get the picture. Hey, despite my lonely childhood I was still a guy. And despite the _proper_ values of Japanese society they had taught us in the orphanage, I was not so narrow-minded to judge such a thing easily. As much as I was concerned what the three of them did was none of my business, aside from whatever Usagi might think that had to with Minako's - assumed - current condition. "But that's..." I started to protest, lots of scientific arguments coming to mind that spoke against Usagi's implied meaning that I got quite clearly this time. "Star mating," my wife interrupted thoughtfully. "In the Silver Millennium it was rare but sometimes two Senshi who... well, you know what... They could actually father a child. But I can't see Minako agreeing to that consciously, aside from the fact that she was clearly not prepared for the possible impacts on her life. There's probably more behind it but I'm still pretty sure that she's pregnant..." Another time I would have loved to muse about the subject. In terms of genetic research the subject was highly interesting and considering the mix of science and magic I was currently working with, I would not exclude the possibility in the near future, but I was much too aware of the way the topic affected my wife and therefore decided to not give in to my curiosity. Gently I reached out and took one of her hands, meeting her blue eyes that held a note of wistfulness in them, mixed with barely visible sadness and longing. "Maybe you are right. Our lives are already extraordinary. Why should we get our kids the normal way? I'm sure there is an explanation for everything." Usagi smiled weakly and nodded slowly, squeezing my hand before reluctantly letting go. "I know. Don't worry about me, I'm sure she'll come, one way or another." Usagi turned to look out of the window, not really glancing back at the house, more lost in thought. After a short while of silence, I started the engine of the car and slowly began the drive home. I didn't need to say anything. Usagi knew that I was equally worried about the same thing. After all roughly six months remained and Endymion had said Chibiusa would be born on the same day of Crystal Tokyo's rising. Therefore everyone assumed that Usagi was already pregnant, thus the preliminary lessons from Ami to prepare us for the inevitable. The birth of our daughter was a fix point all of us took for granted on the way to our destiny. The only problem was, Usagi wasn't pregnant yet. ****************************** (Minako) 'Baka! Baka! BAKA!!!' The sprint that would have impressed an Olympic marathon runner gradually slowed down to a mere trot, drained out of the fight or flight instinct that overcame me minutes ago, now bare of any desperation. All that was left was a reflection of my inner turmoil and self-disgust. Why the hell did she have to go and do that? I really didn't understand that girl at all! Both of them actually. But Hotaru had always been an enigma to me. Well, not to me exclusively. The only one who probably came at least close to understanding her would be Setsuna. But that still didn't explain her reaction. It was clear by now that both her and Makoto had taken their relationship to a new phase recently. When I couldn't quite tell, not that it mattered. I was actually happy for them - even though I had felt a pang of... regret at the realization. I couldn't give them what they wanted. I just couldn't... or didn't want to or... "Gah!" I kicked a small piece of rubble with so much strength that it flew across the dimly-lit street and smashed into the window of a hardware store, setting off an alarm and startling me half to death. For a moment I just stood there gaping. "Oops..." I mumbled sheepishly. Finally I had the presence of mind to slip into the shadows of a back alley, slumping against the wall with a deep guttural sound that was hard to describe and couldn't really pass for a sigh, groan or whatever you might come up with. I didn't even blink when a few drops of liquid hit my face, indicating the start of a light drizzle. Why had she been so damn understanding? I had actually expected, dared, practically wanted them to be shocked, scandalized or anything else that gave me a reason to further blame anything on that damn incident, that brief lapse of judgment, that one failure of the tight control I had put over my life. For once I had let go and just enjoyed the moment, heedless of any possible repercussion. I mean what could possible happen from just a bit too much alcohol? I scarcely drank anyway. But it had been my birthday and just one time wouldn't do harm... I snorted bitterly. Yeah, right. What I said to Hotaru was the truth. I did not despise the incident. Not at all. Deep down in myself I knew that this was the only way I could actually achieve happiness. That only by letting myself fall into the arms of fate could provide me with the completion I had been seeking for so long. But as soon as those thoughts would even make it to my mind I would end up pushing them back, locking them into the strongest cage in the deepest corner of my mind and throwing the key away even deeper... Just like now. I was again making a fool out of myself, running out of my own house because of the possibility that someone actually wanted to love and feel responsible for me. I didn't understand it or maybe I didn't want to understand the paradox of my love life and that is why I was acting so unlike all the advise I could give any sort of couple. I could get any two people together but was totally inept in sorting out my own feelings. Hotaru had been so excessively understanding it had smashed right through the tight walls I had built up all around me. How was it that she could be so adamant about the matter, about being there for me, for the... baby... Oh sure, they were both shocked at first. Predictable reaction. If they hadn't at least been shocked, I would have accused them right away of being inhuman. I had kept a tight hold on my emotions after getting Artemis' acknowledgment that the compact had indeed been altered in the way I had suspected. Relaying the information and not succumbing to the sheer madness this situation resembling more a soap opera Senshi-style than real life invoked was a very hard thing. And I had clearly expected them to be more... more... Hell, I didn't know what I expected! However, it was surely not Hotaru being so incredible gentle and compassionate, promising that they - confirming that just through one look and nod - would support me and the child all the way. I inquired about that of course, not able to believe that they didn't seem to feel cheated by the situation or express any such emotion. They've just recently taken to each other in a more intimate manner, it could hardly be a few days since I would have noticed that at New Year already. Their relationship had to still be fragile and now there was me revealing that one of them fathered - Kami-sama, how ridiculous does that sound? - my child! And what does Hotaru do? Told me that she loved me! That she could never abandon me albeit what I might be feeling! And Mako-chan was right behind her!!! What did I do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve them? At the very least they should be angry with me for not telling them sooner, thus excluding them from what they felt was their responsibility too! Why did they have to show such unconditional love that it drove me crazy and to make me act in such desperation, resulting in the very smooth maneuver of fleeing from my own house... I wasn't quite sure if I was crying, the light rain making it hard to distinguish, but my eyes felt moist and I wanted nothing more than just to melt into the ground in my misery. The biggest problem about the entire confrontation was that I really couldn't fault them. They had their hearts set. Whatever kind of relationship there was, I was almost sure I was the cause for its existence in some way, and neither of them could just discard their feelings. Also it was only to be expected, the various unbelievable circumstances taken aside, that they'd feel responsible for something that all of us had a part in creating, unintentional and unconscious or not. The real problem lay with me and experiencing anything that came close to real love. And I couldn't deny it right now, the defenses had been ripped open much too wide to repair right away. In truth I wished nothing more than that I could have just accepted what they offered so genuinely and selflessly but once again I had pushed away one of the few chances of achieving the level of completion every living soul longed for. The frustrating thing was that I had no idea why... I blinked away tears, trying more or less in vain to focus, as I felt something tingle in the back of my mind, something that could not be perceived by normal human senses... something... Before I could finish the thought my vision blurred and I felt my spirit slip away... I had come to experience flashbacks before. I knew all the signs of past life memory temporally overlapping the present awareness and they always came at the worst possible moments. Somehow it was almost logical that one would come now. However, what I expected and what I actually got to witness were two entirely different things. I thought I had seen nearly everything of importance from the life of Princess Venus and that might be the truth. The scene enfolding before my mind's eye, inserting me as a passive rider in my past life's body was not of my life as Princess Venus, protector and close confidant of the Princess. It was of someone different. Several things clued me in on this at once. Very helpful was the fact that my past life was currently standing in front of a large mirror and I could clearly see the difference in age. The Venus of the Moon Kingdom had never lived to be that old. Well, old was a description that put shame to the vision of absolute sheer beauty starring back at my past life from beyond the reflecting glass. 'That's me?' a stray thought echoed in awe in my present day conscious. Quite frankly there wasn't that much of a physical difference. I knew that a Senshi by herself had a longer lifespan because of the purity of the star seed. All the Ginzishou did was enhance the span of a living being when used correctly. This version of Venus was hardly older than her Silver Millennium self or myself, probably only a few years on outward appearance. But the blonde woman radiated an aura of such intense brilliance that I would have shied away from it had I been in any control of my body. I had met many charismatic people in my career but that... I barely saw her move up behind me - or my past self in the mirror - before her arms encircled me from behind. Hair falling over her shoulders way past her hips in a long, lecherous manner distinctly reminding me of the version of her that had been a Daimon-influenced reflection, I got pretty much the second shock right away because I was virtually unprepared for how absolutely gorgeous the other woman looked. No way was that Saturn! No freaking way! However, if the black hair and albino-white skin where not enough indicators the purple sign on her forehead was a sure giveaway. Now, I somewhat expected words being exchanged, giving me any clue about the situation, teaching me something significant. All that happened was that my past self turned in the embrace and with an ease and confidence expressing the trust that came with a relationship found upon unconditional love from both parties Venus brought her lips to Saturn's, both melting into a sensual kiss that I experienced as much as it was my present self standing there and that left me feel for the first time ever in experiencing memory flashbacks like an intruder. As my counterpart caught Saturn's hand and both strode out of the chamber without a word being exchanged, something was ignited inside of me that I at first couldn't quite understand. It was partly longing, longing for that perfection I could tell in those two and the state of their relationship. The perfection I was longing for myself. And that left me with envy. There was one detail though that left me with even more questions and aggravating confusion when the flashback ended abruptly, dumping me back into the cold back alley somewhere in Minato-ku. I knew what a memory from my past life felt like. I had experienced it often enough to recall the slight discrepancy whenever I was observing from my previous life's perspective. There always was something off, something that set me apart from Princess Venus, something that made it all too clear that we were not totally the same person anymore. That feeling had been completely missing just now. ****************************** (Tomoyo) Like a tiny firefly glowing softly in the rainy night sky the semi-translucent sprite floated up to its Mistress and hovered just in the air in front of our current location on a low roof top. The sprite in question was like all card's spiritual forms female in appearance - though by now it was almost certain that they didn't really have any gender in particular, only their human projections of the astral bodies looked like a female. The hair was a somewhat grayish color. Not really silver but not really appearing like some trait of age. That would be rather dumb to assume considering how _young_ the card in question actually was. "So, I take it, everything worked out?" Sakura at my side asked. "I have performed the task to the letter, Mistress. There already was some residential traces of the memories you wanted unlocked, probably through dreams she was having of late. Therefore it was easy to actually draw out an appropriate memory to what Love was suggesting to be helpful." "Does that mean it really is her?" We had come across the girl... well, young woman entirely by accident. We had been out late, researching an entirely different but not less important - and especially personal - subject when we witnessed the distraught blonde that had drawn my girlfriend's attention. I know that I still wasn't too good with my memories of that past life I had shared with Sakura. The events of four years ago had altered both of us, but Sakura more so. She had been more or less in the center and her magic was already awakened at this time, thus making her more apt to receive the memories. Whereas I had more or less been acting out of necessity and the fear of losing Sakura after her reckless way of resealing her... well, in a way more like our old nemesis. Sakura had recognized the girl at once as one of the two who had erected the outer seal that we had had so much trouble fixing after Clow's unintentional tempering with forces he did not really understand. It made a good practice for Memory I had to admit and obviously a successful one. I had an interest after all in the success of Sakura's latest creation since it was primarily created as a favor for me. Maybe through Memory I could finally unlock my own past life, equaling me once again in status to my mate. Not that I felt somewhat less because Sakura had full memories of her past life and I had only a few. I had chosen to walk this path with Sakura. She was everything to me that mattered and I had long since resolved any doubts I could have had about her somewhat altered personality endangering our relationship. Sakura choose deliberately to unlock her memories to save me and everyone else. At this time it was one of the greatest sacrifices she could have ever made for my sake, thus proving to me once again, that the time-traveled Sakura with memories of a life eons ago was still my Sakura-chan. The girl I loved above else and who I had by now secure knowledge shared those feelings entirely. A second sprite flew up almost as if in reply to my question, bringing me out of my short reverie. "Yes, it is beyond question Venus. Their soul signature match perfectly and I think she got that point though it seems to confuse her a lot right now. If you wonder about the cause of her distress..." Sakura waved a hand at the spitting mirror image of the young woman who was just about getting to her feet, still appearing rather shaken. "It is none of our business, Love-chan. But she needs to overcome her problems or Pandora will have an easy prey in her." The card sprite nodded sadly. "I know. It is hard to tell since I am not really an imprint of her past life anymore, but she is fighting with her own destiny on an entirely unconscious level that I doubt she even understands herself. Unlike you, Mistress, she has not mastered complete harmony with two different sets of memories. Which is not surprising considering that up to now she's only been exposed to those of her past incarnation." Sakura sighed softly but with a gesture allowed the two card sprites to return to the Astral Plane and from there back to the book. Letting out a small sigh I had not even been aware she was holding, the redhead admitted, "I am glad that field test turned out well even if not entirely planned for. I half feared sending Love to probe her would somehow provoke something... more extreme." A fear well-founded, I had to admit since both of us still didn't knew the exact outlines of both similarities and differences in the cards of Love and Silence that had been Sakura's first - somewhat accidentally - creations in the process of releasing the original spirits into the seal. They were in many things mirror images of what they had been before albeit the so disastrous binding power that had upset the seal in the first place upon their creation by Clow Reed. It was no doubt that they had been actually recreated four years ago but a lot of their former spirit selves seemed to have been imprinted on the new ones. Without a word needing to be spoken I took Sakura's hand, stepping closer to her, not bothering with any sort of restraint in showing affection in public. After all we were on a rooftop, way past midnight, in a light rain that would be soaking if not for Watery's subtle protection. "But it did work, Sakura-chan. Have more confidence in your abilities and don't doubt yourself so often." That was really kind of amazing but also rather endearing. Granted that trait could prove to be annoying at times but I had after all been well-versed in boosting Sakura's self-confidence, the faith in her abilities. One of the base foundations of our relationship as Sakura always reminded me of. Right now my mate just smiled, conveying with fond-looking golden eyes - an exotic quality as result of the merge of her respective lives - that she was thinking along the same lines. "You are entirely too good to me, Tomo-chan." She glanced back down into the alley and I noted that the blonde woman was slowly making her way back to the main street and, as I hoped, ultimately home. "You are not going to say anything? You know that at least a warning could be..." Sakura shook her head softly but from the way her expression shifted I knew for certain that it would be virtually impossible to try and change her mind about it. "I doubt she's in any shape for that now. If she were in full possession of her memories, confronting her would be alright. But as it is, she has to work out her own problems first. We would only be confusing her with our presence. There is still some time." She shook her head with a wry look. "I don't really like playing Xelloss and believe me we will confront them now that we know for certain that they are in the area. But for now we have to look for someone else..." My girlfriend trailed off slightly, a significant pause I had learned to recognize. "You..." I hesitated, thinking hard on how to phrase the question. "You miss Sylphiel, don't you?" Feeling Sakura shift nervously I brought an arm around her waist, snuggling closer against her body, conveying physically what Sakura often had trouble to be convinced of emotionally as much as I tried. I really was okay with it. In fact... "I understand. I feel more and more that something is missing myself." That brought about a startled reaction of surprise from my companion. "Not like something was wrong between us but... I dunno, I don't have your full memories, but what I remember about her - and us in the same context - is most vivid. We are different people now but still it seems sometimes to me that there is still something missing to reach complete fulfillment." There was a long pause after that and I was half afraid I had actually shaken up Sakura pretty badly. But just as I was about to separate and take a better look at her, I could feel her body relax visibly from some strain even I had hardly known was there. Which in itself was a rare thing. "That's good," Sakura said truly relieved. "You know that I love you and I know you love me and all that but Syl-chan..." "I know. We'll find her. If only for protecting the last seal child. Whatever happens then, we'll just have to go with the flow. Just like back then..." The redhead actually had to smile at that, clearly a nostalgic one. "Yeah, just like old times, huh?" I glanced up meeting Sakura's gaze just in time when she glanced down. An unspoken but powerful message of unconditional love passed between us. Trust and faith in the other acquired through many hardships. Finding our missing element would prove another such hardship but unlike the previous ones trust and faith in our partner would never be an issue to question anymore. And deep down even Sakura knew that. We had been putting a lot of effort into searching for the reincarnation of the one girl that had completed the odd arrangement of our past lives' relationship. And I sincerely believed that we were coming close. Sakura thought that we would actually been drawn together eventually. We had pretty much eliminated any possible candidate at Neo Infinity - Sakura's position as head of the magic wing and my own as benefactor and co-owner - allowing us more than just a few extra privileges. Therefore we were now investigating other possible locations that could draw someone as powerful as a reincarnated shrine maiden. Sakura was pretty sure she'd recognize her on the spot albeit any physical changes. "Ready to go?" Sakura softly whispered. I nodded barely visibly and moved closer and tightening my hold on her, while Sakura did likewise. Without even ushering a command Fly's wings sprang from my mate's back, gracefully lifting us both high above Minato-ku's streets. Sure, I could have further practiced that flight spell Sakura had been teaching me but I felt much too tired for that and obviously Sakura shared my opinion. ****************************** (Hotaru) How much time elapsed while I was standing there with my hand outstretched in a vain attempt to stop the fleeting form of Minako was hard to tell. Could have been seconds, could have been minutes, could have actually been hours! The point was, an earthquake could have brought down the house around us and a needle hitting the well-padded floor could have been a sound akin to a tornado fighter flying through the room at mach speed. My inner self was in utter turmoil, a whirl of conflicting reactions and emotions all wanting to go in different directions while the events that had just transpired repeated to replay themselves in my mind. That was so not what I had been expecting. Sure, I had been worried pretty badly over the encounter yesterday evening but I had never suspected something so... impacting. Minako didn't leave any doubt about her theory - which Artemis obviously supported and confirmed with something akin to a ninety-nine percent certainty. The transformation compact had definitely been altered and I could pretty much tell that neither she or Makoto had the magical experience to do such a feat. The power, yes. The experience, no. The Venus I knew and still loved would have known how to. We were more aware of the magic around us and to our disposal back then. And that only left one possible party who could have done what ultimately lead to the creation of the... baby... All at once the full impact of what exactly had just been revealed came rushing at me like a tsunami held back briefly by an obstacle, storing the inevitable and pushing it to even higher levels of crushing force when it finally came washing over me in a way that left my head spinning. I wasn't even aware of falling before strong arms caught me with a dismayed outcry of my name. I hardly took note of that at first. I wasn't sure how I had actually managed to cope the way I did. I only knew that at the moment Minako was utterly miserable over the issue, the life she had been building for several years now falling to pieces. It didn't matter, I had realized, that it would all be over for us in half a year anyway. That was a sacrifice we were all prepared to make. The chance for a relatively normal life was viewed more as a gift by all of us equally and having it taken apart like this... And nonetheless through an unplanned, uncalculated act of... "Kami-sama!" I breathed, finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. "What did I do? I messed it all up! She hates me now for what I..." All of a sudden I was practically whirled around and was momentarily stunned out of my own frenzy by the fury in the emerald eyes of my recent lover - oh yeah, another wonderful timing at that! "She does not hate you! Didn't you listen? Minako isn't blaming us and she's certainly blaming neither of us for what happened! So what if it is obvious that you are the only one who altered the compact?" "But don't you see?" I retailed almost desperately, practically daring her to prove my self-loathing. "I must have done it. I seduced her! I practically raped her against her will and in doing so I got her..." My voice dropped to a mute whisper as I finished, "... pregnant." While Makoto's fury had momentarily staggered me the slap was more than enough to freeze the flood that had overwhelmed me solid. "We, Hotaru-chan. WE," the brown-haired girl stated in a deadly calm manner that actually impressed my Senshi self. "I've just got as much stake in this as you do. I feel just as obligated and for the Kami knows equally shocked. But the fact remains that we are all equally at fault for this mess and I can understand Minako reacting badly in her position. But, by all means, get a grip and think. We were all pretty much drunk and what happened was more a mistake than anything. A mistake that Minako herself admitted to have never regretted. Or did you forget that already?" That blow was finally enough to get me to focus beyond the state I had worked myself into and with a colossal effort I managed to slip into the trance nearly devoid of emotion that was Saturn, managing to get my mind straight and realizing in the process just what a fool I had been. I slumped forward, exhausted more than from any battle, emotionally drained and thoroughly confused. "I... I know... It's just... this is all so..." I trailed off, finding myself unable to vocalize anything beyond this point. Makoto pulled me closer, pretty much into her lap, and I melted into the embrace with gratitude. "I know," she whispered soothingly, one hand working through my hair in a manner that would normally prove very relaxing but now was only exerting marginally the same reaction. "Kami, I know. I still can hardly believe it myself... And I really wish that baka girl hadn't run off like that." Where was a period of silence in which neither of us spoke, on mutual agreement trying to stay in the relatively safe - and sane - haven the other's closeness provided. The event that had just came over us with the speed and force of a thunderstorm began to slowly filter past the initial haze of shock and frenzy. Now that I had reestablished some measure of control I could really review the revelations being made. And the results I came up with left me just as helpless as before. What Makoto said was true. There was no one really to blame and if anything all three of us had a similar stake in the affair. I was not fool enough - now that I could think rationally - to just put the blame all upon myself, regardless of the fact that the possibility of being the guilty party was unmistakably high. We had all been present and done our part to ensure this disaster. Back then it had been an innocent incident that had somewhat changed our relationship but neither of us really regretted it. I had been enormously happy when Minako assured no ill feelings of resentment about the night, I could have sworn that I had actually heard some fondness but did not dare to leave my hopes wonder in such a direction. The point was simple. All of us were a little to blame of having let ourselves go that far but beyond that the measure of control over the situation was certainly very low. And what where the chances of conceiving a child from one night of obvious magically-aided sexual intercourse, never mind the fact that none of us had really remembered something like that having happened upon wakening? No, the chances were astronomically thin. An almost sadistic coincidence... or a whim of fate since I really didn't believe much in coincidence beyond a certain limit. And that limit had long since been transgressed. "I hate this," I murmured softly, my own voice jolting me slightly in the askance silence of the room. "It's spinning out of control, again. We had all just managed to stabilize our lives, leading as close to normal ones as is possible for us and now that... Don't we have any say in such personal choices?" There was a lot more implied in the protest. A lot of which Makoto or anyone else save Pluto would really understand. I had witnessed often enough to resent the helplessness those like us had over our lives. It was always the same. We had certain roles to fill as children of the stars, our existence was important. And often fate wasn't as pleasant as what Usagi and Mamoru had gone through. Far more often the consequences were bound to change you forever. "What are we going to do now? I know it's not my fault but I still feel horrible and Minako... I don't want to force her into anything but... she's bearing my... our child..." I chuckled in a weak and altogether sarcastic attempt of humor. "That sounds even crazier the more I think about it..." "Tell me about it," Makoto replied, not pulling away from the comforting embrace. There was no doubt that she needed it just like me. "You had a good idea though. What you said to her, I mean. It's our mess and we are in this together. Minako is going to need us and whether she likes it or not, it's our kid too, regardless of who is technically the father here." She sighed mournfully. "I think I understand what she's going through, partly at least. You might know her past self better than me but you never really were reborn like us." I had to silently concede that point. In terms of understanding the relationship between a current and past life I was still learning and the near symbiotic relationship Saturn and I shared was not exactly a prime example. "Whatever we decide to do, Minako foremost needs our help. She's pregnant and this is bound to impact on her life even more when it has already." I more felt than saw the taller girl looking down and tilted my head to meet her gaze. "You still love her, don't you?" The question was rhetorical and both of us knew it. I could have asked the same to her with just the same result as the shaky nod from my side could convey. I hadn't said it before but that wasn't really necessarily. The timing really couldn't have been worse. Had I known yesterday evening what the exact nature of Minako's troubling state had been, had I followed her home and demanded an answer as a fleeting instinct had demanded of me, I would have never taken that step with Makoto. On the one hand that could have averted the problem we were facing now that threatened to crush the fresh, tentative relationship with the obligation at least one of us would have as a potential _father_... On the other hand, I dared to assume that neither of us would probably survive the emotional challenge that clearly lay ahead of us without the other. All those thoughts seemed to actually reflect in the green orbs holding my own captive. I was somewhat awed by the firm resolve displayed upon my lover's features. "Good then. You might have surprised me yesterday but I could have stopped you if I wanted. I am not about to give up on us just yet and since we are all equally responsible here that leaves us with few choices." My eyebrows climbed at the implications. Surely Makoto could not honestly mean... "You..." I almost squeaked. The other girl smiled awkwardly. "She needs us now. In more than just mere presence. She might protest about it but as emotionally unstable as she is now, that will only prove unhealthy. For her and the baby. I know this sounds... daring... but what do we have to lose?" Daring... yeah sure. The understatement of the year. Still Makoto's words made an odd kind of sense and given the complexity - not to mention already clear absurdity - of the situation there was hardly any cause to protest. But the task in itself would be very daring indeed and if done wrong could very well turn out more destructive than not attempting it. So what was there really to lose. One single thing... I grasped Makoto's hands tightly surprising the older girl with the desperation I hoped to relay. "You, Mako-chan," I whispered so softly that it was below the level of audibility for a normal person, not a Senshi, of course. "I have you to lose." Makoto reacted almost as if slapped but didn't reply but instead drew me even closer against her body and into a much needed kiss that managed to at least partially dispel the sudden fear that had overcome me. "Never," she whispered back. "Not as long, as I can help it." Which was the problem with the chaotic situation that had escaped any measure of rational control. I feared that neither of us could help but succumb to the inevitable consequences. Whatever they may be. TBC in Phase Two: Dealing ****************************** Author's Notes Hmm, she (Maia) really is infatuated with this one. *grumbles* Will I ever finish ANYTHING with a muse like that? Anyway. I'm not sure if I have anything significant to say. Sakura-tachi's part in this phase was cut short a little, shorter than I intended. That'll definitely change in the remaining two phases even though this part is still mostly focusing on the three Senshi and their parental problems, it is after all, strictly put another prequel to the main event but more essential at that as the Forbidden Cards Series has been. I hope I managed to portray the characters the way I wanted to. It was... different (and a little difficult) to base character development the way I wanted it on the manga plotline only. Usually I tend to mingle both a little and found myself slipping into that mindset here and there. As I said this is a mixture of ideas I had of sorts. The initiator was the idea with the compact and just how real the transformation is. That's mostly what brought everything else together (most of which not even related to it) and voila there we have another gigantic-seeming project. *sigh* I'm not sure when I have something new for those who are following this on the list and/or board since I'm still working out how exactly I'll go about the second phase in detail but the ideas are almost solid now, so it shouldn't be a very long break. Ah, and I'm going to write some side stories focusing on the side plots and especially their histories that I am hinting at in this part and the following. The main story will balance the elements more but I'll still need to focus on certain things and there probably will be some things that will be less explained than originally intended. So, there will be side stories, including one that (should I feel to be in the mood) will occasionally fill in some lemon scenes. Oh, and mean as I am, the side stories will first and foremost be posted on the SiL list, not on the SA board, gotta set some priorities after all. The rest has to wait for official archiving. I hope all of you who came from the Forbidden Cards series found this one. I am having a little... misunderstanding with Moonlit Nights about the last part of Seal Cards (and I still have no idea what I did wrong, my beta who I showed the mail exchange doesn't either...) and so I'm not sure when (and if) that one will be up there. This story definitely won't since it's something other than Hotaru/Chibiusa... You can find this project on the SA board and on my list where new parts (and individual scenes) will be posted first and until archiving exclusively. Other than that, enough of the nonsense babble. I hope you enjoyed this one so far. You did? Good. Then you can now go and feed one hungry author and muse for their efforts, addy as always in the header. Ja ne, yours Matthias
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