The Accidental Goddess
Based on the story idea, New Life 1/2, by G. E. Jordan, Jr., and used with
his kind permission. Thanks for your ongoing interest in this project.
Many thanks and deep bows to Vince Seifert for his expertise in
networking, manga, character knowledge, and writing in general - this
would be a much poorer work without him. [If you haven't read his The
Taming of the Horse, you should be drawn and quartered. :)]
-------------------------------------------
A twittering in the bowels of the complex alerted the huntress that
she was closing in on her prey. She stealthily moved down an aisle lined
on both sides with innumerable computer memory banks. At the end of the
aisle a spiral staircase led down to a powerline junction. As she reached
the bottom of the staircase she bumped her head on the thick overhead
conduit.
"ITEEEE... umph!" She slapped her hands over her mouth, hoping
against hope that she hadn't alerted the prey to her presence. Another
series of twitters, much closer now, told her she'd been lucky. She
silently thanked Kami-sama that she'd done those personnel file changes as
a favor to the Goddess of Luck. She resumed her stalking, her face
illuminated by the pulsing conduits in a random sequence of blue, green,
and red.
She stopped after a moment and waited. A scuffling noise brought her
attention to a side room off the main walkway. Written in the heavenly
script, a sign affixed to the wall next to the door proclaimed,
"Asgard-Midgard Data Uplink Relay Station - Section 43, Level 37,
Compartment 23." She paused as she noticed the trio of prime numbers
comprising the physical location of the relay room. Because of her
inherently mathematical mind, she took a moment to decide whether or not
to ignore this fact.
Her people had a healthy respect for portents and omens, a respect
learned through several lifetimes of experience... mostly bad. A
significant lack of such experience during her 12 years of existence told
her that it couldn't possibly mean anything, so she entered the room.
She shook her head as she realized that this was one of the areas of
the complex that was overdue for a millennial upgrade. It was dark, but
the red in-use lights on the relay panels cast a hazy and indistinct
illumination. The floor was littered with old cables, making navigation
somewhat treacherous. The banks of data relays resembled nothing so much
as oversized old-style telephone switchboards; double-ended patch cords
connected the data lines from one plane of existence to another. She
shuddered to be in the presence of such old technology.
Putting those concerns aside, she scanned the room. The bright white
coloration of her prey made it stand out like a beacon. It had obviously
gnawed through several patch cords on the far wall and was chewing on
another. The huntress set herself, a manic grin on her face, and began to
edge around the room.
~~~~~~~
"What did I say you had to do for me? I mean for this?" An elegantly
beautiful teenaged woman with warm dark brown hair, cut to resemble a
helmet, gestured smoothly at the computer in front of her and gave a wry
grin as she glanced at her companion. Round black eyes twinkled in a face
the color of creamed coffee.
"Hey! This was your idea! 'Something to pass the time,' you said,
Nabiki." The companion, another teenaged woman, huffed and puffed in
reflexive outrage. She was also beautiful, but where the first was
elegant, the companion was exotic. Very large almond-shaped blue eyes sat
in a petite elfin face. Alabaster skin was set off stunningly by hair so
red it gave new meaning to the description. Both women had figures to die
for.
"Sorry, Ranma... or should I say 'Ranko'? I have to keep the money
rolling in," Tendo Nabiki smirked.
Saotome Ranma gave Nabiki a baleful glare. "Let's just get on with
it. Okay?"
"Jeez, Ranma. You could take the fun out of a bowl of ice cream."
Nabiki turned back to her computer and waited while the Internet
log-on finished. The assorted chirps, whistles, and blats of interfacing
modems could be heard emanating from the machine. Her ISP main page came
up, and Nabiki highlighted the URL navigation bar and began typing in the
first of a series of numerical IP addresses.
"Okay. There's this person who's a friend of a friend of a person who
still owes me big yen. This person has certain connections that allow for
identities to be constructed. Of course, this isn't the big time, so these
ID's won't hold up under a thorough check, but they will do in a pinch.
Just don't get caught. If someone starts to do a check, grab your ID and
hightail it out of there. Ne?"
Ranma began to feel a little nervous. "I thought this was just for
fun."
Nabiki answered with just a smile as she continued to advance through
deeper levels of the server she was currently accessing.
A screen came up showing a number of empty database fields. "Want a
library card?"
"What for?"
"Good point." Nabiki squinted at the next address on her handwritten
list. "Does that first number look like a '1' or a '2' to you?"
Ranma eyeballed the scribbles. "Beats me."
"Well... it looks more like a '2' to me." She typed 299.43.37.23 into
the URL field. The status bar read:
TCP/YP gateway active. Contacting uplink...
~~~~~~~
The huntress took her weapon out of its holder and hefted it, testing
the feel and weight. She was almost in range. Steady... Steady...
She stepped on the plug-end of a cable, and the housing broke with an
audible snap. The prey whirled around, then bounced off the panel and
began to head for the entrance. Unfortunately, the huntress was already
too close. She pressed a button, and the head of the weapon extended as
she brought it down in an arc precisely impacting the prey on the cranium.
Its eyes crossed, and the entire creature vanished with a 'pop'.
"YES!! I am a GENIUS!" Skuld, Norn Goddess of the Future and debugger
extraordinaire, hopped around in glee. "That was the last one. Yay! I can
go home, now. No more bugs for me, no more bugs for me, no more..." She
wilted when she saw the damage the bug had caused, but upon closer
inspection she decided that it wasn't so bad. All she needed to do was
replace some patch cords.
She gathered a few of the loose cables off the floor and walked to
the damaged panels. Skuld smiled when she saw that although the
chewed-through cable ends were hanging loosely, the damaged connections
were in close enough proximity that she could easily tell which two data
lines were supposed to connect - the cables weren't long enough to
accommodate any other possibilities. She proceeded to repair the damage.
When she got to the last damaged connection, she had a problem. The
bug had managed to yank one of the cable ends out of the board. She bent
down, picked up an undamaged cable, and stared at the board. There were
several empty jacks, but there was no clear indication of where the plug
had been. She peered closely at the numbers embossed in the metal over the
empty jack holes.
"198... 213... 220... 256... 277... 299... 313... GAH! I'm not
getting anywhere. TERMINAL!" A holographic computer interface materialized
in front of the diminutive goddess. It looked similar to a laptop, but it
was translucent and appeared intangible as it hovered in midair. Password
blinked above an empty text field, and Skuld entered her email address.
Remembering passwords was not one of her many talents, and she made life
as simple as possible in that respect. Access Granted flashed up, and she
began typing at an ungodly (or perhaps godly) speed. Soon, she had the
history in line graph form of the past use of all the open lines on the
panel she was repairing. None showed any use in the last 200 years, but
subnet line 299 had a red indicator denoting a real-time current access
attempt.
Skuld jumped for joy, "Luckeee!" and quickly stepped over to put the
new cable in place. She pulled the remaining damaged line out and plugged
one end of the new cable into the same jack.
Unseen by Skuld, the indicator for subnet 299 disappeared from the
computer terminal, and the message bar next to it now read:
Incoming Midgard access status: awaiting authentication. Relay station
supervisory mode in effect. Press Cancel or say 'No' to terminate
connection. Press Enter or say 'Yes' to authenticate.
With a big grin Skuld slammed the other end of the cable into jack
299. "YES!" she exclaimed in joy.
Access approval logged: Skuld, Goddess, Category 2, Class 2, Limited.
"Terminal off!" Skuld left the newly repaired patch panel and moved
to pick up her debugging hammer. Pressing the button on the handle again,
she watched the weapon retract into its normal size. She slipped the
handle end into the carrier on her back and shoved it home with
satisfaction. Images of 131 Flavors danced in her head as she left the
relay room.
The red in-use light for subnet data line 299 glowed.
~~~~~~~
Ranma locked her hands behind her head and leaned back in the chair.
"What's takin' so long?"
"Patience. Sometimes these unnamed server addresses are buried deep
and you have to wait to get access."
"What's a server, anyway?" Ranma asked while staring at the ceiling.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Saotome, do you know anything about the
modern world?"
Ranma scowled as she cracked her spine across the back of the chair.
"Excuse ME for bein' on a ten-year trainin' trip."
Nabiki looked at the redhead as she continued to arch her back and
smirked. "By the way, Ranma. Nice tits."
"Thanks. I... WHAT?!" Ranma sat forward with a stunned look. Nabiki
was having a hearty laugh.
"You're too easy, WAY too easy," Nabiki chortled.
Ranma huffed, but then grinned evilly. "I seem to remember you likin'
'em plenty."
Now Nabiki looked a little stunned. "Wha-WHAT?!" For once, her
ubiquitous cool slipped.
"HAHAHA! You seemed to enjoy grabbin' me when I first got here. 'Does
this look like a boy to you, Daddy?' Squeeze, squeeze." Nabiki quickly
found her center, but it took a little longer for the blush to recede and
Ranma noticed. "Well, well. Are you embarrassed? Or did you really enjoy
it?"
"Keep it up, Saotome. I haven't even BEGUN to dig into my hoard of
goodies on you, yet."
Ranma fidgeted nervously, the humor of the situation rapidly
receding. "Yeah, well, I'll have you know I... Ara?"
The screen on Nabiki's computer blacked out, and a very well done
animated graphic began. What appeared to be a large seed sprouted and grew
into an immense tree. Words faded into view below the tree, but it was
written in a script Nabiki had never seen before. Before she could comment
on the fact, the screen blacked out again and a message in mixed hiragana
and katakana appeared.
This terminal is not Yggdrasil direct-link compliant. Do you wish to use
an interface in the native language of your terminal?
Nabiki clicked the 'Yes' button.
"What's a Ygg..., um, a Ygg-thingy?" Ranma stuttered.
"Not sure, but it seems familiar," Nabiki said.
Another screen came up.
Yggdrasil Personnel Database
Please enter the name of the person for whom you are requesting a file
in the field below.
Nabiki typed 'Saotome Ranko' in the blank text box and hit ENTER.
File not found. Please select one of the options below.
Nabiki clicked on 'New File'.
A screen with database input fields appeared.
"Now we're getting somewhere," Nabiki exclaimed. Ranma's alternate
name was already in the name field. Nabiki selected the button next to
female, but stopped at the next blank field.
"'Area of Influence'?" she said.
Ranma shrugged. "Martial Arts, I guess."
Nabiki grinned wickedly as she considered a way to pay Ranma back
somewhat for her embarrassment of a few minutes ago. She typed 'Sex' in
the blank field.
"HEY!"
"Relax, Saotome. This has to be some kind of gag site. I mean, I've
never seen an official site look this slick."
"Well..."
"Let's see... 'Category'. One, two, or three?"
"Uh... One!"
"'Class'?"
"One."
"'Limited' or 'Unlimited'?"
"'Unlimited', of course. Anything goes, you know."
Nabiki snorted. "First class all the way, ne?"
"Sure, and why not? With Pops around, things have always been last
class."
"Point. 'Transport Medium'?"
"Uhhh... huh?" Ranma peered at the screen.
Nabiki hit the arrow on a drop-down box. "Hmmm. Water, sunlight,
reflective surfaces, electrical wiring... televisions? Blah, blah,
blah.... Well, perhaps we should stay with a common theme for you." Nabiki
selected 'Water'.
Ranma squirmed, but let it pass.
"'Weapon'?"
"None."
"Not an option. See?" The drop-down box didn't have a listing for
'None'. "There! 'Katana.' HAHAHA! Talk about a theme!"
Ranma scowled. "Having fun, Nabiki?"
"Un! ...'Age'?"
"Seventeen."
"Duh!" Nabiki went on to fill in all the little personal details of
Ranma's identification. When those fields had been completed only two
remained. The first was a drop-down box with the caption, 'Affiliated
Deity or Deities'. Nabiki hit the down arrow, and she and Ranma scanned
the selections.
"Who ARE these people?" Ranma asked.
"They're mythological gods and goddesses. Ah! I remember, now.
Yggdrasil was called the 'World Tree' or something. It was part of Old
Norse mythology."
"Old who?"
"You know, Vikings?"
"Oh... so which do I pick?"
"Errr... Let's look a bit." Nabiki continued to scroll down. She
eventually hit the Norse pantheon. One selection was titled 'Norns', and
it listed three names. Nabiki's attention was drawn to a short line of
blinking red text next to the first name.
Also "Cupid" of Love. ~_^ -Urd.
"Here we go." Nabiki selected the 'Norns', which appeared in the
field after the scroll list disappeared.
"Why them?"
"Well... I did list you as the Goddess of Sex, and Love is close."
Ranma scratched her belly. "I don't know if we should do this," she
said worriedly.
"Relaaax. This HAS to be a gag site, especially with all this
mythology stuff. Ne?"
Ranma nodded. "One more blank."
The last field had the caption, 'Authorization'. Nabiki humphed and
studied the screen. On a hunch, she opened FILE: PROPERTIES. An inset
screen with mountains of alphanumerical data came up. She slowly scrolled
down, peering intently at the lines. She stopped and considered one line.
She copied the line and canceled the screen. She pasted the information
into the last field and hit ENTER.
"Probably won't work, but who knows?"
~~~~~~~
In another part of the Greater Tokyo metropolitan area, three young
women and one young man sat at a table in the dining area of a Shinto
temple grounds house. Two of the women had strange markings on their
foreheads and cheeks, and both were incredibly beautiful. The third woman
was cute and exuded a boundless energy evident in the rapid-fire
conversation she was having with the young man, her brother. The young
man, small in build but reasonably handsome, waved his hands in front of
his sister's face.
"Megumi... Look, I... Really, they shouldn't have... Megumi...
Megumi... MORISATO MEGUMI!"
Megumi stopped chattering and looked at her brother. "Ne, Kei-chan?
What's wrong?"
Morisato Keiichi took a deep breath and puffed. "You won't let me get
a word in edgewise, that's what's wrong."
Megumi reached over and tweaked his cheek as the other women laughed.
"My, my! Aren't we a little temperamental today, brother?"
"Sis, it's just that I have my hands full doing motorcycle
drag-racing for the club. I don't have the time to take on funny cars. Do
you understand?" Keiichi pleaded.
Megumi snickered. "Well... I told Tamiya-sempai I would try. He seems
to think you can do no wrong on the racetrack... any racetrack!"
Keiichi puffed up a little at the praise.
"Yeah," Urd, Norn Goddess of the Past, chimed in, "unlucky in the
bedroom, lucky on the racetrack."
"Oneesan!" scolded the third woman, Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the
Present. Belldandy and Keiichi were beet red, while Urd and Megumi
giggled. The good-natured ribbing and conversation continued, unaware of
anything untoward.
~~~~~~~
Please indicate location of file subject.
Ranma and Nabiki looked at each other and then back at the computer.
Hesitantly, Nabiki began typing:
Japan, Tokyo, Nerima Ward, Furinkan-cho, Tendo Dojo.
The computer digested this for a moment, and then an architectural
schematic of the Tendo compound came up. Several blinking points were
scattered throughout the diagram.
Please indicate by clicking which of the detected individuals is file
subject.
"Creepy," Ranma muttered.
"No shit," Nabiki said. She moved the cursor over to her room, took
her mental bearings, and placed the cursor over the blinking point
representing Ranma. She looked at the redhead.
"Well?"
"Heh, heh. Are you sure this is a gag site?" Nabiki shook her head.
Ranma fidgeted. "Maybe we should forget this. This is really freakin' me
out."
"I am inclined to agree. Now, how do I... oops." Anyone familiar with
mouse operation can tell you that even the slight weight of a finger is
often enough to press a button. Ranma and Nabiki stared at the monitor in
morbid fascination.
File creation complete. Stand by for reality update.
"Uh... Nabiki? What does that mean?"
Nabiki opened her mouth to speak but abruptly closed it when the room
began to shake. She now found something different to say. "Earthquake!"
Ranma and Nabiki stumbled over the unsteady floor and stood
underneath the doorframe to ride it out. The rumbling and shaking
increased until they had to clap their hands over their ears. The activity
abruptly ceased, however, and they slowly pulled their hands down.
Ranma was the first to speak, "What...," but didn't have the chance
to finish as she was jerked off of her feet, flying through the air to
hang suspended over the chair she had been sitting in earlier.
"Nabiki! Help-- UNGH!!" Ranma arched her back as her body suddenly
strained and stretched and a brilliant column of pure white light exploded
into being around the floating girl. Nabiki cried out and shielded her
eyes with her arm. The column crackled with energy for a moment and then
dimmed to a vibrant blue. Nabiki lowered her arm to see Ranma slowly
spinning within the column, arms out at an angle with fingers splayed and
legs parted to shoulder width with toes pointing down. Her head was back
as if being pulled, her mouth was open, and her sightless eyes stared up.
Nabiki discovered that she was, for perhaps the first time in her life,
truly terrified.
A flash of white washed over the column and a distinct 'CRACK' echoed
in the very fabric of the room. Ranma's clothes disintegrated and swirls
of misty white luminance gathered around her body. They slowly coalesced,
resolving into an intricate robe, earrings, necklace, and fingerless
gloves and toeless foot coverings. The clothing floated around Ranma as
her red hair suddenly glowed and began to grow. It reached almost to her
feet before it stopped and braided itself into one long rope. A broad and
elaborately configured hair ribbon appeared and crowned the back of her
head.
When the last of the accoutrements were in place, another wash of
white light raced around the blue column, but instead of disappearing, it
entered the column, spinning faster as it spiraled in towards the center.
The light swirled and collected into three distinct bands, the middle one
larger than the others, gradually moving to encircle Ranma's head. The top
band abruptly rushed in and touched just below Ranma's left eye, forming a
glowing inverted triangle. The bottom band of light repeated the process
for the right eye. The remaining band swirled for a few seconds more, and
then rushed in to touch the center of her forehead, creating a symbol of
two interlocking circles on a horizontal axis, half of each circle
entwined with the other. Ranma jerked and strained even harder at the last
contact, and a shimmering of many brilliant points of light densely
covered the surface of her form.
After about fifteen seconds the lights vanished and Ranma slumped
forward, although she stayed suspended, spinning slowly. Nabiki thought
that perhaps the event was over, but as she was about to move towards
Ranma, a wind began to pick up in the room. The symbols on Ranma's face
began to glow, and the interlocking circles started moving inward. Objects
began to rise off of surfaces and collect in a rotating mass around the
suspended girl, moving counter to her spin. When everything loose had
joined the mass and her forehead circles had overlapped completely to
become one solid, round mark, Ranma moaned and straightened.
Her head fell back once again, and a single beam of intensely white
light shot out of the glowing circle on her forehead, passing out of view
through the ceiling. After a couple of seconds, the beam vanished, the
whirling objects crashed to the ground, and Ranma slumped forward again.
The forehead mark separated into its constituent circles, losing its
brilliance. Ranma slowly drifted down until her toes were only a few
inches from the floor, one leg slightly pulled up such that the hollow of
one foot rested on the instep of the other. Her clothes continued to float
around her as if she were under water.
After several heartbeats of silence, Nabiki slowly rose and peered
around at the mess. Familiar paths were traveled in her brain as she began
to think about how Ranma was going to pay for this. That stopped when she
realized Ranma hadn't actually made it to terra firma but was hovering
over the floor. Ranma's clothes still floated around her. The material was
of a shimmering green with water-blue-within-beige trim.
Nabiki studied the floating woman carefully, noting and storing
details. She had always considered Ranma's girl form to be cute, but
something had changed. Ranma was now almost supernaturally beautiful, like
a haunting song or a dream that one can't quite remember. Nabiki had to
fight an urge to kneel.
Some sixth sense kicked in and Nabiki realized she wasn't alone.
Turning around she saw the entire household peering through the door at
the levitating martial artist.
~~~~~~~
The tableau in the old temple house was interrupted by a call from
the bathroom. "Tadaima! I'm finally back!" Skuld strode into the room.
"Did ya miss me?"
Belldandy rose to hug her younger sister, and Urd just barely managed
to suppress a grin. "Hey, squirt. What took you so long? Just a few bugs,
ne?" Urd smirked.
Skuld rounded on her oldest sister. "Just a FEW bugs?! I'll have you
know I debugged 3,495 bugs, spread all over the system. That's what took
so long. Think you could've done better, Miss SysAdmin?"
Urd casually waved her hand in the air. "Feh! I could'a done it in
week instead of two, squirt."
"Don't call me SQUIRT, you old hag!"
Urd rose from her seat. "WHAT did you call me?!"
"Sisters!!" Urd and Skuld both quieted at Belldandy's word. She
wasn't the oldest, but an irritated Belldandy wasn't worth experiencing.
"We're all back together again, and I don't... Oh...! What...?" The three
goddesses collapsed to the floor unconscious.
Keiichi rushed to Belldandy while Megumi checked out Urd and Skuld.
Keiichi patted Belldandy's face and her eyes fluttered open.
"What happened?!" Keiichi asked.
"I... I don't know," Belldandy answered. The goddesses were all awake
now and rising wearily to their feet. The phone abruptly rang in the hall.
"Guess who," Urd muttered.
Keiichi helped Belldandy to the phone.
"Morisato residence. Hello, Kami-sama. What just happened? Yes....
Yes.... I see."
Keiichi stood patiently and the rest of the household wandered over.
"Yes.... Oh, my! How did that happen? ...I see."
To the listeners, Belldandy's always-pleasant demeanor gave nothing
away and was beginning to irritate the oldest goddess.
"Yes, Kami-sama. I'll tell them. Thank you for calling. I love you,
too. Bye." Belldandy hung up the phone and turned to the rest. "Well,
sisters, we have some work to do."
Urd's patience finally ran out. "Bell, what happened?!"
"It seems we just added a new goddess to the ranks." Belldandy moved
back to the living area and began to pick up tea things. The rest followed
her like puppies.
"Okaaay," Urd said, "that happens. But it usually doesn't cause the
family to go 'night-night'."
"Mmm. Yes, but the new addition went from mortal straight to Class I,
Category I, Unlimited."
The singing of crickets and a single bird call washed through the
room, and then two goddesses simultaneously cried, "WHAT?!?!"
"Tha-tha-that's not possible!" Skuld exclaimed. "We have safeguards
built into the Wish System to prevent it! I know, I put 'em there!" She
wrung her hands.
"Super Genius strikes again," Urd monotoned.
"HEY! Not my fault, bag lady!" Skuld was turning purple as Urd
snickered.
"Now, now, sisters. This wasn't processed through the Wish System. It
came in from another direction," Belldandy said as she took the tea things
into the kitchen.
Urd and Skuld scratched their heads. "The only Operators that have
that have that kind of clearance are the three of us and Kami-sama," Urd
mused. She whirled on Skuld. "RRRRRAH!"
Skuld backpedaled, waving her hands in front of her face. "I was here
when it happened, right? Right?! Besides, I didn't do anything but debug
and repair the damage they caused."
Urd appeared slightly mollified at that.
"I hope you haven't unpacked, yet, Skuld," Belldandy called from the
kitchen. "Kami-sama wants you back for the investigation."
Skuld was crestfallen. "Awww, Oneesama! I just got home!"
"This is important, Skuld." Belldandy re-entered the living room.
"You don't want to disappoint Him, do you?"
"...nnnooooo..." Skuld pouted. She turned and slouched back to the
bathing room. "I guess I'll see ya when I see ya."
Belldandy turned to Urd. "Sister, we have a new goddess to track
down." Urd nodded. "Have you ever been to the Tendo Dojo?"
~~~~~~~
Nobody seemed willing to enter the room, so it was left to Nabiki to
approach the levitating Ranma. With no small amount of trepidation she
slowly moved to within a couple of feet.
"Ranma?" No response. Nabiki tentatively reached out a hand. There
seemed to be a slight resistance in the air immediately surrounding Ranma,
but it was negligible. Just before touching her, Nabiki pulled her hand
back a little. Firming her resolve, she finally took hold of Ranma's hand.
A slight tingle passed into Nabiki's fingers, and Ranma jerked awake with
a gasp. Nabiki tried to pull away, but Ranma had her hand in a deathgrip.
Ranma blinked her eyes a few times and then focused on Nabiki. Surges
of desire washed through Ranma's body as she gazed at the brown-haired
girl. Some of that feeling passed into Nabiki, and she could feel her body
responding. Ranma leaned over and cupped Nabiki's face with her free hand,
and Nabiki became even more aroused at the touch. Ranma gazed into her
eyes.
"Oh, Nabiki.... You are so beautiful." Ranma slowly leaned forward,
and Nabiki's legs began to tremble. Ranma gently kissed her, and Nabiki's
knees buckled, but before she could hit the ground, Ranma gathered her up
in her arms and continued her attentions. The kiss became hungry and
desperate as mouths parted and tongues twined. Ranma massaged Nabiki's
body where she held her.
Ranma and Nabiki's tryst lasted for all of about five seconds, the
strident clarion call of an unamused fiancée breaking the spell.
"RANMA! You PERVERT!! What the HELL do you think you're doing with my
sister!" Tendo Akane, betrothed of the new goddess, suddenly found herself
in the stratosphere of anger and well on her way to escape velocity.
Ranma jerked her head back and blink-blinked. Nabiki lolled in her
arms, completely lost to the world. Ranma looked at Akane. Akane glared at
Ranma and began to stalk her way. Ranma looked down at Nabiki. Her eyes
snapped into focus as she realized just what had occurred.
"WHAT am I DOING?!?! YAAAAAHHH!!!" Fortunately, Ranma had drifted
across the room to Nabiki's bed while she was otherwise occupied,
responding perhaps to new and unknown instincts. Thus, when Ranma
unceremoniously dumped the middle Tendo daughter out of her arms and began
to buzz around the upper half of the room, Nabiki came to no harm.
"What's happening to me?! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"
The Tendo household, non-Tendos included, just stared as Ranma
effortlessly defied the laws of gravity and wailed about her current state
of affairs. The only exception was Akane. She brought out her No. 2
MacGregor mallet and attempted to swat Ranma to the floor. Akane wasn't
having an easy time of it, however. Ranma seemed to instinctively zip away
just as the swing would have connected. Akane finally lost control of the
hammer on the downstroke, and in her attempt to regain her grip, she
unerringly guided the head straight to her left kneecap. Akane howled,
grabbing the knee up and hopping around on her right foot. It created a
driving counter-rhythm to the lazy swish of Ranma's robe rushing through
the air.
Current events caught up to the remaining two women. The shock of
seeing Ranma flying through the air and dressed in VERY feminine clothing
was finally too much. The last thought through Saotome Nodoka's mind
before she fainted was, That's not very... man... ly..., and Kasumi just
swooned (it seemed the proper thing to do at the moment). The women fell
against each other and slid to the floor in a heap.
The fathers, not even bothering with the ladies, beat a hasty path to
the phone. Surprisingly, the Tendo patriarch, Soun, reached the phone
first. He dialed and waited calmly.
"Hello? Dr. Tofu? Yes, could you come over right away? There seems to
be a problem with Ranma. The nature of the problem? ......WAAAAAHHHHHHH!
He's gonna fly away! The schools will never be joined, now!
WA-WA-WAHAHAHAAAAAH!"
The Saotome patriarch, Genma, grabbed the phone away and began to
speak. "Tofu-sensei? Listen, Ranma is... Growf, growf, garooowww, growf!"
Soun's gushing tears had triggered Genma's curse, and Panda-chan began
holding signs in front of the mouthpiece, occasionally growfing for
emphasis.
At the other end of the line, Ono Tofu rhythmically beat his head
against the top of his desk. Two GROWN men. Oh, brother... He hung up,
grabbed his black bag, and left for the Tendos'.
End Chapter 1
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