This story will have a good bit of OOCness, fourth wall breaching, murdering of other animes' timelines to fit this one, and yuri. Mireille Bouquet and Kirika Yuumura stood outside a huge mansion. This was the first hit they had taken in months, ever since they left the Manor. To be honest, they'd been avoiding offers like the plague, and would've turned this one down if not for all the zeroes involved; a fee like that was much too large for Mireille to ignore. Mireille checked her gun. "So, are you sure you want to do this? You can still back out." She knew Kirika had developed a big problem with killing, ever since she killed Chloe. "Yes, I'm sure," Kirika said, checking out the newest Beretta model, which Mireille insisted on buying for her after they accepted the offer. "Fine then; don't cry to me if you kill someone. Okay, you'll be the lookout, I'll go after the target." Mireille opened the door very slowly and peeked in. She was taken aback by the absence of opposition. She walked in. "Come on," she waved to Kirika. They walked down the long, dark corridor, not once letting their guard down. The came to a wide open room and saw...an amusement park, roller coaster and all, contained in one room. Mireille openly gaped at the nearest coaster. "What in God's name is this? He must be a zillionaire. If only I were that rich..." While Mireille oohed and aahed over the rich man's toys, a burly man in a black suit snuck up behind her and swung a pipe. Fortunately, she didn't feel a thing because Kirika whacked him with a pipe of her own before he could touch her. "Mireille, look out!" Suddenly a crowd of men in black suits rained down from the rides and roofs and jumped Mireille and Kirika, leading to an all-out gunfight. Somewhere amidst the confusion Kirika heard a gunshot followed by Mireille screaming. Kirika shouted, "Mireille!" She stole one of the dead men's guns, dove after Mireille, and began shooting up every male she saw, two at a time. After all the men had died, Kirika rushed to her partner's side. "Mireille, are you all right?" Mireille winced as she held her side, them chuckled. "Oh, I think I'll live." "That's not funny," Kirika scolded. She ushered Mireille into the kitchen, a room and a short hallway away from the park. She sat her down on the couch and rummaged through the cupboards, looking for bandages. A moment later she was kneeling next to Mireille, holding a roll of gauze, some waterproof tape, and some peroxide. "Take off your blouse and lean forward." Mireille raised an eyebrow. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Kirika sighed. "It's for the bandage." "Whatever you say." She painfully did as she was told. "How can you joke about something like this? You could've died just now." "But I didn't. It's not *that* bad." "Then what's that big red stain on the back of the couch?" Mireille looked behind her. "Oh. Touche." Kirika cleaned the wound-- which elicited a round of screams from Mireille--then bandaged her. Mireille slowly put her top back on, and then silence descended upon the room. Kirika stood behind Mireille and studied her hands. "Mireille...I killed them..." Tears started running down her cheeks. "I killed them...and now I'm sad. Just like with Chloe." She looked up to find Mireille taking in the room. "Mireille, are you listening? I'm sad that I killed people." Still no response. Kirika found a pebble and threw it at her head. "Mireille, pay attention to me! I'm angsting over here for God's sake!" Mireille covered her head. "Owww, Kirika, I told you not to come crying to me about this!" "Well it's not my fault you got yourself shot!" "And it's not my fault you decided to come along!"</0> "And if I hadn't? You'd be dead right now." "Wha--are you saying I'm incompetant?" "No...you're rusty." "And you're not?" "Noir doesn't get rusty." "Oh so now we're Noir, Miss-Noir-Is-Just-A-Name?" "Yes!...I mean no! We're M and K!" M and K was the new alias they worked under. Mireille turned back around, Kirika stared into the hallway, and the room fell silent again. **Kirika...psst, Kirika.** "Who is it?" Kirika asked to no one in particular. Mireille looked over her shoulder. "Who is what?" "I don't know. Was it you?" "Nope. Wasn't me." **I'm not Mireille, stupid.** "Who are you calling stupid?" "What?" Mireille asked, "I didn't call you anything." "No, some voice in the sky did." "Wha--I don't hear anything. You must be losing it." "But there was one, I promise." **I'm your intuition, Kirika, now listen up. You know that central computer at the end of the amusement park room?** "No." **You must destroy it in 1.5 seconds and three steps. Just hop down this hall and shoot straight through the doorway.** "Sure," Kirika said happily. She merrily skipped down the short hallway, shot the supercomputer, which was just opposite the doorway, and skipped back, all in three steps and 1.5 seconds. **Good job, Kirika. Now get some cookies. They're on the third shelf of the pantry.** Kirika took the cookies from the third shelf of the pantry. "Want one?" She asked Mireille. "Are you on something?" "What? Of course not. I just wanted to shoot up a computer, that's all." "Is this about me staying up all night reading yuri?" "Maybe. I want to use it sometime, too. There's this game I want to play, it's called The World, and I hear everyone is playing it." "Okay, fine, we'll get you a laptop and 'The World' when we get back." Mireille lifted herself off the couch. "Well, we might as well get going. We're not being paid by the hour, you know." "Are you sure you're alright?" Kirika asked as she finished her cookie. "Yeah, I'll make it." She and Kirika went back out to the park, where Mireille swiped an M16 from one of the guards, then tracked down their target. On the way Kirika decided to check the computer. Kirika's eyes widened when she saw what all the fuss was about. "Mireille, look at this! There's a bomb under here." They both peered at it; the counter stood still at 0.1 seconds. "How did she know?" She asked herself. "How did who know?" "My intuition. She told me to destroy this computer in 1.5 seconds and three steps." "And you succeeded. Maybe she's psychic." "That would explain a bunch of stuff, like how I knew there were Soldats on the other side of that bullet hole in Vienna." "Come on, let's get going." ********************************************************************* "According to our client, our target should be somewhere right here." "But why a closet door?" "Maybe he stuffed the target in and is waiting for us to kill it. Ah, there it is." They stood in front of a closet door with a blue and golden badge displaying the number 16 on it. "16 marks the spot. Stand back, Kirika." Mireille yelled and shot up the door like she was Rambo. When the smoke cleared what was left of the door opened and revealed...a closet full of stuff. A vein bulged from Mireille's head. "What the--who does this twerp think he is? We're assassins, for crying out loud, not demolishers!" She kicked the pile of stuff. "So we did all this...for stuff?" "Don't worry, he'll get his." ******************************************************************** A meaty, robust, middle-aged man with short hair and opaque glasses walked though the front door, whistling a happy tune, thinking M and K's mission had been accomplished. He turned on the light and almost peed his pants when he saw the very same M and K lounging on the kitchen couch waiting for his return. Mireille asked sweetly, "Excuse me, Mr. Trask, but why did you hire us to shoot up a bunch of stuff in a closet?" "Oh, that. I wanted to get rid of my wife." "Then why not put out a hit on your wife instead?" "Because she has a one hundred thousand life insurance policy. The cops'd look at me first." "Oh really? Well in case you didn't know, that's not our problem." Her tone suddenly turned serious. "Now I'll have to charge you extra." "For what?" "Oh let's see, your target wasn't a live person, a bunch of Soldats jumped us, we had a bomb to deal with, oh and I got this." Mireille lifted her top. The man's nose really started bleeding. She pulled her top back down. "Oh get over yourself. The point is I got shot. So that'll be....two million euros." "But that's twice the offer! And my wife hired the guards, not me!" "Who cares who hired who? The point is I got shot." "Pay up or else." Kirika cracked her knuckles to prove her point. "No way. I'm not paying a dime." "Okay, you asked for it." Mireille shot him between the eyes, killing him instantly. "Mireille, he's rich. What if--" "I wouldn't worry about the police." She removed a two pairs of gloves from the handbag. "Here, put 'em on." Mireille and Kirika moved the body to the park, placed it right in the middle of the pile of bodies, and shot it all up with one of the men's guns. Afterwards they made off with all of Trask's money. "Mireille?" Kirika asked as they left. "Yes?" "Now I can buy all the expansion packs, too." "You're just in love with that game, I swear," Mireille said as they walked off into the darkness. ********************************************************************** Author's notes: The World is actually the name of the online game the .hack (also created by Bee Train--well, at least .hack//SIGN) characters play. And if anyone noticed, I tried make M and K's client look like that mutant-huntin' guy from X-Men; the one who pushed so hard for Sentinels in the first couple of episodes. I also borrowed the name Trask from that show; I'm not sure whether it's he or that other guy who's named Oliver Trask.
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