[Mireille and Kirika are at IKEA] Instead of going straight to the market section, Mireille drags Kirika through the windy demo area because "that's how my family walked through IKEA." Kirika is reading one of those demo books on the shelf. It's a copy of Les Soldats! But there should be no more copies left in this world?! Kirika's eyes transformed into creepy little dots and Latin chants come from nowhere. She's gonna attack! She jumps onto Mireille and starts giving her hickies. Everyone stops to stare. Actually, there's a poster hanged right above our heroines: "IKEA: IT IS THE NAME OF AN ANCIENT WINDY PATH. TWO LESBIANS, TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL'S KINKY FIRE WITH THEIR RED HICKIES, LURE THE LOST CUSTOMERS." Luckily a child's wailing has pulled away the attention of the onlookers. The parents are coaxing the child to choose the lower priced stuffed toy like a optometrist: "Now, which one do you see clearer? Right? Or Left?" There's no difference. Both price tags are blurry. "Right or left?" The child can't decide. Suddenly Kirika's eyes go back to dreamy Sadllo Kitty big brown circles, breaks away from her horny trance, and "Canta per me" stops instantly for Kirika, even though Mireille is still in the mood. Kirika jumps in front of the child and protects her with her black hands: "Stop brainwashing her! Give her back her free will! She's not destined to play with cheap stuff animals!" Mireille: "This is not brainwashing. This is called parenting." Kirika sweetly asks: "What's that?" To others it sounds oddly creepy but for Mireille, She turns away with pain. She can't answer a painful question like that. Her difficult expression reminds Kirika of the day she was in the cemetery and begged Mireille to shoot. Mireille never explained why she couldn't. Presumably it's out of love. But the truth is, there's only 1 bullet left in the magazine. If she shot Kirika, she'd be screwed when more Soldats showed up. As they walk, Mireille notices some familiar plants her Uncle Claude used to grow. Oh no! Here comes another flashback. ************************************************************************ [Episode 14 Uncle Claude] [Twisted Nerve, the revenge theme from Kill Bill played blatantly, Mireille and Uncle Claude had a little staring contest] Uncle Claude tried to shoot Mireille from behind a potted plant. Lousy shooting ensued. Mireille walked to her dying Uncle and said, "Revenge is dish best served cold. Do you find me sadistic?" Uncle Claude, twitching in pain, warned Mireille that Kirika killed her family ---- no, wait, that's too important to be revealed before the final episodes!, So instead, he told her, "Breffort was trying to hit on your dad! You blamed on Altena wrong! No, actually, she was hitting on your mom! So the killing's got nothing to do with the third sapling! You're just a bratty dominatrix wanna-be; you even lack the philosophical awareness of Odette!" Mireille could take no more truth from her Uncle...Bang! [music my baby shot me down bang bang played] ************************************************************************ BACK TO THE PRESENT --- in IKEA A young man looking like Yo Hinomura (Crying Freeman) runs by, pursued by a group of half naked female assassins. Where did their clothes go?? Anyhow, the young man keeps gunning down these shapely assassins with tremendous accuracy but can't control his tears! This strange sight strikes Kirika. She cries to the man, "Oh! Do you feel you can kill and it makes you sad too? I've never seen so much blood in my assassin life! The blood is always missing when I shoot or stab people. And when I see blood, it's only in blotches of purple shadow..." [Le melodie plays on] The man turns to her and asks, "You cry too? Have you lost your memory too?" (How convenient, you don't remember who you killed or slept with) Kirika is sure this man must be her long lost brother! She cries, "Yes! And I'm your long lost sister!" She quickly joins the battle by his side with her impossible acrobatics. Mireille tries to cover Kirika and suggests, "Quick! Let's cover ourselves with these stainless steel kitchenware as bullet proof jackets, just like that creepy relentless henchwoman of Altena!" Kirika rolls her eyes, still hits on target, and tells Mireille, "She was wearing actual armour, don't be stupid." The man tells Kirika, "You can't be my little sister. Just look at your chest. I'm so well built. I don't think we're related." Mireille quickly agrees, "That's right. Kirika. I'm your only family. Forget that man!" But Kirika insists, "But who's attacking you? Are they from the Soldats?" The man replies, "No, but if they're mafia, sure I'll run into some of their naked assassins soon." Mireille flatly interrupts, "No, they're a bunch of men in black with sunglasses. They've been stalking us by the order of a lesbian control freak called Altena to test how well Kirika and I 'bond' as 'Noir'. Now that you know so much about us, I have to kill you!" Kirika shoots Mireille's gun off her hand with amazing reflexes and says, "He may be my brother! We may have some birth marks in common." Mireille snaps back, "You don't have birth marks. Stop kidding yourself." The man prepares to leave, as the number of assassins can't last an episode. He reassures Kirika, "I can't be you brother. I don't have birthmarks. I only have tattoos. Do you need me to show you?" He starts to strip! What's with these people? Mireille covers Kirika's eyes, lest she develops interest in men, and says to her, "Dragon tattoos! This guy's creepy! Let him go!" The man leaves, Kirika is disappointed and Mireille tries to console her with stuff animals and plants (to replace the dead one under which Kirika's goodbye note was hiding). They walk out without paying, because EVERYONE is DEAD, including the sixteen rows of cashiers. Mireille is relieved at the sight, "Good! We only use cash, but that means we can't line up at the faster credit-card only lane! And, now no one will ask our postal code! I'm not very good at improvising..." A young Caucasian man stops them at the exit door, and says, "I'll give you DM10,000 if you give me a ride." Mireille sneers at him, "We have a swiss bank account. I don't need your money! If you're trying to pick me up, I've come out and I'm not available." The man's eyes widen and whispers to them, "Do you have a bullet in your butt too? You know, it reads your bank deposit box number? I don't remember who I am but I have a gun and a bunch of passports from the deposit box." Kirika says, "Me-eh-ru, maybe he's your brother." Mireille argues: "Impossible! Who survives your gunshot?" Kirika, still hopeful, and suggests that even "The Bride" can survive a shot in the head and wake from a coma. So Mireille tests this man's memory, "Remember, our favourite dinner time game was blindfolding ourselves and then use the lobster claws to see who clamp whose face first and I always won?" Why would he remember such a stupid game especially when he always lost??" Kirika says, "Don't you have any meaningful childhood memory?" Mireille thinks for a moment, and says, "Oh! Yes! We used to play death pitch in IKEA ball room? Oh! And, recognize this brunette chick? She blew mom and dad's brains out!" The pocket watch opens itself, but the A-side "lose yourself" plays first, which totally ruins Kirika's repentant teary moments. The man replies, "No, I don't remember having disturbed siblings. If you'd excuse me, I'll just grab a few of these IKEA home magazine to cover my wounds, grab one of these dead customers' car keys and go get those people whom I already warned to leave me alone." Mireille and Kirika head home, a little disappointed that they didn't find any long lost sibling, but they're glad they still got each other. ************************************************************************ Part 2 of 2 Ends Thanks for reading!
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