Wake
"Unrequited feelings?" Sei looked over at Youko. It was often hard to
tell where the conversation would go with Youko leading it.
"Sei, please don't tell me you've never heard of it." Youko said eating
from her bento box. The two sat in the park, relaxed. It was the first
vacation of the year.
"Silly, of course I've heard of it. I just don't understand why you'd bring
that up all of a sudden." Youko glanced over at Sei who was rapidly
devouring her lunch. You idiot...she thought. When Sei looked up and saw
Youko's serious expression, she grinned.
"Do you have someone you love?" Sei asked cheekily. "That explains your
question!" She elbowed the raven haired girl. "Tell me. Is it someone in
your university? Is he cute?" Youko frowned. She took out her handkerchief
and wiped away a fleck of rice from Sei's face.
"You're hopeless." She sighed. The two sat back down and Sei set her bento
box beside her, looking up at the sky.
"I'd be so jealous if someone were to take my Youko away." She joked. Youko
paused for a moment, her chopsticks near her mouth. She contemplated the
meaning behind Sei's statement before deciding that it was just meaningless
teasing.
"No one's taking me away, Sei. I merely asked you if you've ever had
unrequited feelings for someone." Sei merely laughed but Youko saw through
that laugh. It seems you've forgotten that I was there for the entire thing,
she thought. Shiori... And then Youko realized that her question had not
been so much a question, but a request. "What should one do when confronted
with unrequited feelings?" Should've been her question. It was hard to
forget that night. Youko remembered that anxious feeling. She had waited on
the other platform, looking at Sei, waiting for the moment that Sei would
board that train with Shiori and disappear forever. Instead, out of the
corner of her eye, she noticed Shiori too engrossed with watching Sei to
notice that Youko was standing only a few feet away. There were tears in the
young girl's eyes and it simultaneously brought the feeling of sadness and
satisfaction to Youko. She wasn't going to take Sei away but she was going
to break her heart.
"Of course." Sei said, a smile still on her face. "Yumi never did return my
feelings." Youko looked at her, an annoyed expression on her face.
"You didn't really feel that way about her." This sent Sei into another
bout of laughter.
"Of course not. I just loved to tease her." Sei replied. "So tell me more
about this mystery man."
"There is no mystery man." There's only you.
They parted on the agreement that they have lunch together again in the
near future. Sei parted with a smile on her face.
"Man...what a pain." She said softly. "She won't give me so much as a hint.
Heh. Why do I even care?" She suddenly stopped laughing when something
caught her eye. It was a girl with long black hair walking with perfect
posture and a Lillian uniform. Her walk had a saintly air but Sei only saw
her for a brief second before she disappeared around the corner of a
building.
"Shiori...?" Sei broke into a run after the girl. She whirled the corner
but she saw no one wearing a Lillian uniform. The girl had simply vanished.
Sei's shoulders sagged and a perplexed and troubled expression took over.
Sei was quiet when Youko next saw her a few days later. Youko could
immediately tell something was wrong.
"If something's bothering you, you know you can say something." Youko
noted, bending down so that she was eye level with Sei. Sei looked up from
the ground.
"You're so meddlesome." She scowled. Youko smiled and stood up again,
leaning against the fence surrounding the water fountain. It wouldn't be
long before...
"I've been seeing Shiori lately." Youko's head almost snapped, she turned
so fast.
"You've what?!" She demanded.
"It's not what you think...it's a trick of the light or whatever. I can't
get her out of my mind and it's been a good two years. She's been appearing
in my dreams and I swear I've been seeing her out of the corner of my eye."
Sei chuckled sadly. "Maybe it's a sign."
"I doubt it. She went far away. Her resolve's probably steel cold right
now." Youko said. Sei shook her head.
"I thought I had gotten over her." Youko let out a deep sigh.
"You look like you haven't been sleeping well."
"I haven't." Sei admitted. "Would you like to help me?" She grinned at
Youko. There you go...putting up your shield again. You know I can see
through it...so why...?
"You know where I am." Sei was startled by the boldness with which Youko
asserted herself. She tucked her chin between her knees. Thank you.
Youko straightened out her clothes in her room. It was a ridiculous hour
but for some reason she just couldn't sleep. She sighed and thought about
Sei. As much as she tried not to be a "worrier" she couldn't. It was her
nature, especially concerning Sei. She had such an inability to take care of
herself sometimes, no matter how much she tried to play the loner. She had a
tendency to find one or two people and rely on them to an unhealthy amount.
Yet...she still guards herself against me when I would never abandon her...
There was a knock on the door and Youko found herself wondering who it was
at this crazy time of night. When she opened the door, she found Sei
standing there, her head tilted right and up where Youko's room was.
"Sei!" Youko exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh." Sei said absently. "Nevermind. I thought you had said something like
I could come by if I felt like I couldn't sleep." The words came out airy,
as if Sei was walking through mist and didn't know where she was or why.
"Did you drive all the way here?" Youko demanded. "And in your
absent-minded condition?!" Sei smiled.
"I guess I did." Youko stepped back and allowed Sei to walk in. Sei took
off her shoes and Youko led her upstairs where Sei promptly collapsed onto
Youko's bed. The raven haired girl sighed at Sei's lack of formality, even
if they were close friends.
"I had another dream about Shiori." Sei sighed. "That's why I came over."
Youko looked down at her blond friend and sat down beside her. Her words
weighed heavily but Maria-sama be damned if she ever let it show.
"Get some sleep, Sei." Youko advised.
"What if I dream about her again?" Sei whispered. Youko knew she hated
this. Sei hated showing weakness to anyone but it would eat her alive if she
didn't. She needed someone to comfort her and since her onee-sama wasn't
here, it was up to Youko.
"Dreams don't repeat themselves in the same night." Youko replied.
"You're making that up." Sei accused and she was right but the other girl
said nothing and kept folding clothes. Sei looked around the room. It was
neat and tidy, a vastly dissimilar room to her own. While her room was
small, almost suffocating, Youko's room was decently large. There was a
gentle hum of the radiator nearby and the lights were not too bright, not
too dim. The sound of cloth rubbing against cloth in a rhythmic folding
fashion joined in with the other sounds inside and outside. Soon, Sei's eyes
drooped and she fell asleep.
Youko finished with the last of her socks when she heard Sei begin to
breath evenly and deeply. She looked over and smiled, shaking her head. She
hadn't simply fallen asleep right then and there in the clothes that she
came with. She reached out and ran her fingers through Sei's hair, almost
jerking back when she realized what she was doing. She's asleep
anyway...Youko thought. She won't notice. She ran her fingers through Sei's
hair again.
Sei woke up to see lights barely streaming in through the curtains. At
first she panicked, not knowing where she was but she calmed instantly when
she saw the girl lying near her. Youko had collapsed with her head in her
arms and her arms on the bed. Sei let out a breath of relief. Feeling the
bed shake, the light sleeper awoke and looked up at Sei.
"Good morning." Sei said cheerily.
"Mmmm." Youko replied, rubbing her eyes. "Good morning."
"What's for breakfast? Want me to make something?" Sei grinned and Youko
blanched at the thought of Sei cooking.
But she said nothing. Instead, she found herself downstairs while Sei
prepared rice and grilled fish. Youko looked down at the breakfast and
looked back up at Sei, concentrating on cooking. She felt her heart swell.
They were a little like a married couple, with Sei preparing breakfast.
Youko smiled and laughed a little. Sei turned around.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing." Sei gave her a slightly confused look and went back. A period of
silence passed between them until Sei spoke up.
"You know, Youko, you were right." She said.
"Huh?"
"I didn't dream about Shiori this time." Sei turned off the stove. Youko
looked away from Sei and back to her rice. She needed to say something,
anything, no matter how awkward it was.
"Sei?" She whispered.
"Hm? Something wrong?"
"Do you know why I chose Sachiko to be my petite soeur?" Sei brought the
spatula to her chin and looked up thoughtfully.
"Hmm...well, Sachiko was the ideal choice to be part of the Yamayurikai.
She's definitely one to get the job done...she's serious like you. Maybe
it's because she's a little like you and you would trust her with any amount
of work." She suggested. Youko giggled.
"It's nothing like that, it's actually something farm more simple...selfish
even."
"My Youko? Selfish?" Sei gasped turning to face her. Youko composed herself
and she could feel the blood rushing to her face.
"It's because she was beautiful." Sei grinned.
"Is that it?" She said cheekily. Youko looked up and realized the
misunderstanding.
"No!"
"Youko, I believe this is the first time I've ever seen you blush like
that, or show any emotion for that matter." Sei teased.
"No! You've got it wrong. I chose her because she was beautiful...and I
wanted to make you jealous."
"Jealous...? Why would I be -..." Sei stopped in mid-sentence. Youko folded
her arms as calmly as possible. Inside she wanted to run up to her room and
lock herself in. But she forced herself to sit there. Sei slid the grilled
fish onto a plate but some of it fell off and onto the floor. You do things
so haphazardly, Sei... Sei set the plate on the table and looked at Youko.
"I just remembered...I have to be somewhere..." She said. "I'll call you
sometime." Sei walked away, put on her shoes and exited the house. Youko
fought back the urge to cry and picked up her chopsticks. The food, of
course, tasted horrendous but she ate it all anyway.
Sei found herself at the gates of Lillian. She knew where to go to think
and so, she wound up at the small church. When she opened the gates, she
could see the silhouette of Shiori standing there, praying. When she
blinked, the image was gone. Sei sighed and sat down on one of the benches.
"Youko..." She whispered. Unrequited feelings...huh...?
Youko stayed up late again. Somewhere in the back of her head, she hoped
Sei would stop by and sleep over again. When it was getting too late, she
tucked herself into bed and tried to fall asleep. A little while later,
something stirred in her dreams. It was the faint sound of knocking that
awoke Youko. She opened her eyes and stayed very still, listening for it
again. Please, please don't be a dream. She thought. Soon enough, there came
another set of knocks and Youko leapt out of bed and almost ran down to the
door. When she opened it, Sei was there looking right at her.
"I figured it out." She announced. "I figured out why Shiori was appearing
all over the place."
"Why?" Youko asked.
"She was there because I was afraid. I was afraid of feeling anything for
you."
"Oh."
"Do you remember when you asked me about unrequited feelings?" Sei asked.
"Yes." Youko replied.
"Well, if you have unrequited feelings for someone...you'd better first
make sure they're really unrequited." Sei smiled, causing Youko to tear up a
little.
"That would be the wise thing to do." She said softly. Sei nodded and Youko
stepped aside. "Would you like to come in?" Sei for a moment hesitated. She
saw Shiori again, standing right beside her car. The image was clearer than
ever this time, so much so that had Sei not known better, she would've
thought it were real. No...it's just my fear. Sei thought. I am safe because
I know Youko will never hurt me. And even if she does, I can take it but...
"Something wrong?" Youko asked. Sei turned back and smiled.
"Nope!" She grabbed her hand and walked inside. I'm ok, Shiori. I'll be ok.
Youko gently closed the door and the image of Shiori vanished.
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