Prelude to a Dream
And right about now, you should be feeling me catch you with a surprise hug. And now, I’ll place my lips gently at the bottom of your neck, right inside the collarbone, and give you a sweet, sweet kiss. I’ll slowly move up, kissing my way along your neck as you lose yourself to pleasure, until… well, somehow I doubt you’re reading this anymore. By the time you get back to reading you’ll already know exactly what I’m planning to do to you.
Ah, it’s nice to dream about us like that. It’s just too bad I’m limited to my dreams. I’m not complaining though. I have all I really need just being with you, as long as I can occasionally let some of my true feelings through in a way to make you blush. Don’t complain, I know you appreciate it, and I know you’ll never admit it.
But I should really get on with things. I’ve gotten this far in the letter, and I haven’t even told you when I’m writing it! Today’s my graduation day, as a matter of fact. I know it should be very exciting for me, but I can’t help thinking of what this means. After this, I’m going on to Fuuka University, and Natsuki will still be in Fuuka Gakuen. I won’t be able to see you in school every day until you graduate too. That’s really what got me thinking of you, and I decided to start on this letter then.
Right now, I should probably go out and track you down to satisfy my Natsuki addiction. But before then, there’s one more thing I’d like to get written down. Back on the last day of the Carnival, you really saved me, and I can never thank you enough. I know if I told this to you, you’d probably just tell me that you did it because I saved you, both after your mother died and earlier during the Carnival. But your actions were different, Natsuki. I saved you out of a selfish love; I only wanted you for myself. You saved me out of a much purer love; you did it just for me. Because of this, I made a vow on that day. I would put all of my interests second to yours when it came to our relationship. I would be whatever you needed from me, whether a friend, a very special friend, or a lover. So far you’ve seemed to want me as a special friend, and I’m delighted to fulfill that role for you.
Well, I’m off to find you now. I don’t have too much time before I’ll have to get to the graduation ceremony, so I’ll likely have to compress all the usual stages of our encounters down to a few minutes. Hmm, I wonder how long it will take me to get you to blush? I’ll set my watch to time it and let you know in my next entry.
Much love,
Shizuru
Shizuru let out a sigh, having exhausted her final option for running into Natsuki: the Student Council meeting room. In the past, she could always count on Natsuki ending up here, having borrowed Shizuru’s computer for research. But now that the First District had disbanded, Natsuki no longer had any need to use the computer. There was still a chance she’d come here just to meet Shizuru, but that didn’t seem to be the case either.
While Shizuru may have been out of places she could look to find Natsuki on her own, she was far from out of resources. She might be leaving the school soon, but until then, she still had a legion of fangirls who would be more than willing to do whatever she might ask of them. Surely at least one of them would have seen Natsuki, and even if not, it would be no problem getting them to scour the campus for her.
Although they’d surely do it for her, Shizuru knew that a lot of them would probably resent it. Many of them felt jealous of Natsuki for her special place in Shizuru’s heart, and helping the two meet up wouldn’t help the situation. It wouldn’t be right for the last thing she asked of them to be something they’d regret.
There had to be some way, though. Shizuru accessed the devious side of her mind, and it didn’t take long at all for it to come up with a solution. It was simple, really. All she had to do was tell her fangirls that she wanted to see Natsuki because she was angry with her and they had some things to “settle.” They’d be sure to jump on the task with glee. A smirk developed on Shizuru’s face as she imagined them delivering a hogtied Natsuki to her. That would do quite well to make up for her not being around before the ceremony. Maybe she could even have some more fun with Natsuki in that state and let her build up some credit for future indiscretions.
Set with a plan, Shizuru put back on her mask of grace and left the meeting room. As she closed the door behind her, she paused in front of it as she scanned the hallway for a member of her fanclub she could enlist to help. She didn’t catch sight of any of them in her first pass, but as she turned back she caught sight of a figure who hadn’t been there before rapidly turning around to walk away from her.
It didn’t take Shizuru long to identify her. Even if Shizuru hadn’t seen her in every Student Council meeting for the last two years, Kikukawa Yukino’s untamable mass of short brown hair was a dead giveaway. “Kikukawa-san?”
Yukino visibly flinched at Shizuru’s voice. Shizuru’s heart sank into dread as she remembered what she’d done to Yukino during the Carnival. Yukino had every right to be uncomfortable around her. Shizuru decided that this might be a time when being a little bit more open with her feelings would be best, so she let her mask drop a little to let her regret show through on her face. The last thing Yukino needed to see was an emotionless face from Shizuru; it would just remind of her of how Shizuru was during the Carnival.
Yukino took a few moments, but she did eventually steel herself and turn to face Shizuru. “Forgive me, Kaichou-san, that was rude of me.”
“It’s alright, I understand.” Shizuru felt an impulse to reach out and rest her hand on Yukino’s shoulder, but she held back. She wasn’t the one who should be trying to comfort her; it was more likely to just make her even more uncomfortable.
The two girls stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a few long moments, until Shizuru thought of something she could say to break it. “Actually, I just graduated, so I’m no longer the Kaichou. You’re the one who should be addressed as ‘Kaichou-san’ now.”
“Yeah… I guess,” Yukino said. The subject change seemed to do nothing to put her at ease, as she kept her eyes firmly rooted to the floor.
Shizuru sighed. This wasn’t working; they couldn’t just ignore the issues between them. “Kikukawa-san, I’m sorry, but I’m a bit busy looking for Natsuki now. Can we talk later, though?”
Yukino seemed to weigh her options for a moment. Shizuru knew that Yukino probably wouldn’t be enthused to talk to her again, but Yukino eventually nodded. “Alright,” she said, mustering the courage to look up at Shizuru.
“Thank you, Kikukawa-san. I’ll phone you later.” Shizuru gave Yukino a small smile and walked around her. She’d lost all enthusiasm to see Natsuki hogtied before her, but she did still want to see her friend.
“Kai- er, Fujino-san!” Shizuru paused in her step and turned back to face Yukino. “I… um, I ran into Natsuki not long ago. She was looking for Sakomizu-sensei, but I don’t know where he might be.”
Shizuru’s smile widened slightly. Maybe things wouldn’t be so hard with Yukino, after all. “Thank you, Kaichou-san.” A slight blush formed on Yukino’s cheeks upon hearing the former Kaichou address her by this title, and she nodded quickly and turned away.
Yukino’s rather cute herself when she blushes, but she doesn’t compare to Natsuki. Let’s see, I already checked at Sakomizu’s garden, but maybe Natsuki got there after I checked.
I warned you, Natsuki. Even so, there is no way I am going to wait an extra year for you to get to university. I’d rather repeat a grade myself. But before we get to that, you’re reaction should be quite a treat.
Shizuru approached silently, not wanting to interrupt and ruin the moment. She watched in amusement as a flustered Natsuki tried to find a way out. “Well, but you see… Something like that… you can do something about it, right?”
Oh, this is priceless. Alright, Natsuki, this makes up for missing me this morning.
“Nothing can be done!” Sakomizu said with an evil glint in his eyes. He seemed to be enjoying this as much as Shizuru. “I don’t think it’s time for you to be going on a jolly journey.”
“J-just a minute!”
Natsuki was so adorable in her frustration that Shizuru couldn’t resist a second more. Shizuru stepped out and put on her classic smile. “Why? Repeating isn’t bad.”
“Shizuru…” Natsuki turned around slowly, her teeth gritted and a slight blush already present on her face. She looked quite like she wanted to bolt and hide under a rock, but knew that it would only bring her more embarrassment from Shizuru when she was found.
“Maybe I shouldn’t graduate then?” Shizuru was thankful at this moment that she still had her diploma with her, so she could make a big show of discarding it. The show apparently succeeded, as Natsuki was too embarrassed to do anything but let out a whimper, her face still frozen in a fearful grin. “Ara, Natsuki, if you keep your face like that, it just might get stuck.”
This broke Natsuki out of that expression, and she followed it up by giving Shizuru her usual evil glare. Of course, although the glare would do wonders against the average person, Shizuru had long since developed an immunity to it. “I don’t think it’s that easy to undo a graduation,” Natsuki said.
“Oh?” Shizuru feigned consideration of this for a moment and then said, “Well, then I guess you’re just going to have to take extra classes over the summer.”
Natsuki sighed in resignation. “Fine, fine.” She reverted to her glare. “But I’m going to make you tutor me through every one of them!”
“Oh, so Natsuki wants me to be her teacher? This could be fun.” Shizuru picked up her diploma and looked at it as if it were a clipboard. “Oh my, it says here that Natsuki has been a very naughty girl in skipping classes. We’ll have to find a suitable punishment for you.” Now Shizuru took her turn at giving Natsuki her best evil glare, though this one held a fair bit more mischievousness than Natsuki’s. It was also a lot more effective.
“Shizuru!” Natsuki turned around quickly, apparently remembering about Sakomizu. Fortunately for her pride, he’d left to tend to another part of his garden when Shizuru had come. “Maybe I can get Mai to help me,” she mumbled.
Shizuru put on her best feigned hurt expression. “Does Natsuki not want to me to help her out?”
Natsuki faltered for a moment. She definitely didn’t like seeing even feigned pain on Shizuru’s face, but she apparently decided to continue fighting this battle – or, as Shizuru saw it, digging her grave even deeper. “Natsuki doesn’t want to be subject to your punishment! I know what goes on in that dirty mind of yours, Fujino Shizuru.”
Shizuru mentally sighed. I guess I really can’t exact that form of “punishment” on her now that she knows about my feelings. And I so wanted to see Natsuki in a cute French maid’s outfit… Alright, I’ll let you win this battle, Natsuki, but I won’t be this merciful forever. “Well, if you’re going to have Mai tutor you, then I think you’d want to get on her good side,” Shizuru said.
Natsuki looked at her in stunned silence. It wasn’t often that Shizuru would let her win one of their battles.
Shizuru ignored Natsuki’s incredulous gaze and continued, “I believe most of the girls were going to let Mai decide what we’d all do to celebrate the end of the school year, and I don’t think it would be a good idea for Natsuki not to come.”
“I was going to come!” Natsuki protested.
“Was Natsuki that enthusiastic about singing Karaoke? I hear you put on quite the show last time; I’m just sad I had to miss it.”
The color drained from Natsuki’s face. “K-karaoke?”
“What else do you think Mai would want to do? Now come on, let’s go. You wouldn’t want to be late, would you?” Not waiting for a response, Shizuru turned and started off. Okay, Natsuki, I think we’re even for this morning now. But I hope you don’t think I’m going to help you get out of singing karaoke.
“Shizuru.”
Shizuru turned around to see that Natsuki hadn’t moved from her spot. “Yes, Natsuki?”
Natsuki idly played with her hair as she took a moment to calm her nerves. “Tonight, Shizuru… can we talk? There’s… something I need to… talk to you about.”
Shizuru briefly considered teasing the girl about her nerves, but decided that Natsuki had probably had enough for the day. Besides, something told her this wasn’t a good time to be teasing. She widened her smile a little bit and said, “Of course, Natsuki. I’m always free to talk to you.”
Natsuki relaxed a little, though she was apparently still a bit nervous as she hadn’t stopped twirling her hair about her finger. “Thank you, Shizuru,” she said. Shizuru suspected she was being thanked more for not teasing her than agreeing to talk, but she decided not to say anything.
“Ara, but Natsuki looked so cute up there!” Shizuru said. I can’t believe they actually had a French maid outfit for her! What did I ever do to deserve this?
Natsuki’s face flushed, or at least so Shizuru assumed. All she could see at the moment was the back of Natsuki’s neck, but it was sufficiently red. “And do you have any plans of letting go of me and getting off the bike? We’ve been in front of your house for five minutes now.”
“No,” Shizuru said. “Natsuki is just too huggable. It’s your own fault, really.”
“Well I’m getting off now, and you’ll need to let go if you don’t want to have an intimate encounter with the pavement.”
“Meanie.” Shizuru reluctantly slid her arms from around Natsuki, being sure to apply slight pressure with her fingers as they traced Natsuki’s belly and sides. A grin crossed her face as she saw Natsuki shiver at her touch. Shizuru then jumped off the bike; she figured she might as well go first as she’d have to unlock the door for Natsuki.
“So do you own this house?” Natsuki asked as she got off the bike and put her helmet away.
“My parents bought it for me a few years ago,” Shizuru explained as she unlocked the door. “They said I should have some place in Fuuka to stay if I needed a break from campus. I never felt the need to come out here until now, but it’ll make a good place to stay until I move into the university dorms.”
As they walked inside, Natsuki looked around and commented, “It doesn’t look very dirty. Are you sure you haven’t been here in years?”
“I think I’d remember,” Shizuru said. “But I hired a maid to come in and clean it a few days ago. I’m sorry I can’t offer you anything to eat or drink, though. I still need to go out and get groceries. I hope you’ll forgive me for being a poor hostess this one night.”
“It’s alright, Shizuru, I won’t be too long,” Natsuki said. Shizuru thought she was starting to get a bit nervous again and wondered what could be on her mind. “Is there some place we can sit down?”
“I think the living room is just around here… ah yes, here we go,” Shizuru said as she led Natsuki. She took a seat in a chair which was significantly more expensive than it was comfortable and asked, “So what did Natsuki want to talk about?”
Natsuki sat down on a loveseat across the room from Shizuru and took a couple slow breaths before she said, “Do you remember what I said to you during the Carnival?”
Shizuru smiled. “I remember Natsuki said many sweet things to me.”
Natsuki dropped her gaze as a light blush formed on her cheeks. “Yes, well… It’s just that, one of the things I said, I meant it at the time, but now I’m not so sure…”
Shizuru’s smile disappeared as her heart sank. She doesn’t love me? No… with Duran’s size, she’d have to. Is she not happy about how I feel about her? I’m sorry, Natsuki. I don’t know if I could stop loving you even if you needed me too.
Natsuki’s eyes widened in surprise, and Shizuru mused that it was no use trying to hide her pain from her friend. “No, no Shizuru, it’s not like that!”
Shizuru let out a breath that she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “Don’t play with my emotions like that, Natsuki.” After all of Natsuki’s nervousness, I’m the one whose making a fool of herself. Good job, Shizuru.
“Sorry,” Natsuki said. “But, the thing I’m not sure about was… and please remember it’s just that I’m not sure, but it was when I said that…” Natsuki trailed off into mumbles at the end of her sentence, turning her face away from Shizuru.
“What was that, Natsuki?”
“I don’t know how I feel, okay!” Natsuki practically shouted at Shizuru, still refusing to look at her. Shizuru sat in stunned silence, half surprised at Natsuki’s outburst and half trying not to let her hopes get out of control. “I told you back then that I couldn’t love you in the same way, but I…” Shizuru thought she heard Natsuki choke back a sob. “I need some time.”
Shizuru felt like her heart was being torn apart. Part of it wanted to be ecstatic that she actually had a chance with Natsuki, while another part of it wanted to fall into depression for seeing Natsuki in such a fragile state. Eventually, her mind intervene and decided that worrying about Natsuki had to take priority. She moved over to Natsuki and wrapped her in a hug, trying to make it as chaste as possible. “Natsuki can have all the time she needs to decide,” she said.
“Thank you, Shizuru,” Natsuki said after a few minutes. She raised her right hand up to grip Shizuru’s, silently signaling that it was alright to let go now. Shizuru sat back, not bothering to move back to her former seat. She suppressed the urge to lightly stroke Natsuki’s back; now definitely wasn’t the time.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes. In it, Shizuru tried to puzzle out what was making this so hard for Natsuki. It wasn’t as if she was saying anything bad, or even embarrassing. Did she just not like being unsure? Was it sharing her feelings that she didn’t like? Natsuki might have presented a rougher exterior, but Shizuru knew that she held her heart in even closer check than Shizuru did. She probably just didn’t like appearing vulnerable.
“Just… one more thing, Shizuru,” Natsuki eventually said. She was still facing away from Shizuru. Shizuru suspected that Natsuki might have been crying, and didn’t want to reveal it to her.
“Anything, Natsuki.”
“I need some space,” Natsuki said. “I just can’t think straight when I’m around you… and for this, I need to be as clear as possible.”
“Alright, Natsuki. Whatever you need,” Shizuru said with reluctance. I promised you anything. But you have no idea what you’re doing to me, Natsuki, to give me this hope and then say you need time away from me. The hope should get me through it, at least.
As Shizuru felt a tear cross her cheek, she was suddenly glad that Natsuki still had her back to her. As Shizuru thought about the prospect of spending time away from Natsuki, she decided that there was something she had to do first. “Forgive me, Natsuki,” she whispered. She leaned forward slowly, making sure Natsuki had plenty of time to pull away if she wanted to, though she probably didn’t realize what Shizuru was planning.
She rested her chin on Natsuki’s shoulder, and slowly bent her head around to plant a soft kiss on Natsuki’s cheek. Her heart fluttered when she realized that Natsuki had let her go through with it without trying to move away at all and had only reacted with a slight blush rising to her cheek. As she pulled back, Shizuru licked her lips and found a slight salty taste. Natsuki had indeed by crying.
Natsuki didn’t appear to be in the mood for leaving at the moment, so Shizuru offered, “I have a spare futon if you’d like to stay for the night.”
Natsuki shook her head. “Thanks, but I should go now.” She wiped her face with her sleeve before she got up and turned to face Shizuru. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
Shizuru gave Natsuki one of the special smiles she saved just for her. “Okay. Don’t keep me waiting too long, though.” Natsuki gave a slight nod at this and turned to go, not so much agreeing as simply acknowledging that she knew Shizuru would be waiting for her.
Please make the right decision, Natsuki.
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