All With Good Intentions (part 3 of 11)
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It’s Not About The Letting Go
What the hell is this all about?” Natsuki growled as she balled up the offending note in her hand, her face as dark as a thundercloud.
Shizuru leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. “I thought it was self-explanatory,” she said in a neutral tone.
“Really? Well perhaps you should explain it to me because I’ve never known you to simply give up.”
Shizuru’s bronze eyes misted over. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”
“I know you don’t really believe that.” Natsuki knelt down in front of her friend until they were face to face. “Why won’t you talk to me?” she burst out in exasperation. “Why is it so hard for you to confide in me when I’ve always confided in you?”
Her words hung in the air, thick with worry and anger. Shizuru was aching inside to say something, anything but her mouth just wouldn’t comply. Touro hovered close to the door of the balcony, hoping that her mistress would give her permission to toss the intruder out on her butt.
The lithe brunette turned to her servant. “Would you excuse us for a little while, Touro-san?” she said quietly. She held up a placating hand as the woman started to protest. “It’s all right. Kuga-san and I are old friends.” Touro gave her a dubious look, retreated back into the flat and closed the door behind her.
“You finally did it, didn’t you? You went and hired a member of your fanclub to do your housework.” Natsuki grumbled good-naturedly. Shizuru narrowed her eyes in a mock-glare.
“That was beneath you, Natsuki.”
The dark-haired woman held up her hands in a gesture of surrender. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help it.” She settled into a wicker chair beside her friend, crossing her legs to make herself more comfortable. The two friends stared at each other for what seemed like hours before Natsuki broke the silence.
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on,” she said, her voice echoing in the warm quiet.
Shizuru merely shrugged. “That’s fine with me. I’ll have Touro-san fix up the guest room for you.”
Natsuki heaved a long-suffering sigh. “You’re missing the point, Fujino.”
Shizuru blinked at Natsuki’s uncharacteristic use of her family name. “And that is?”
Natsuki leaned forward, taking her friend’s soft hands into her own callused ones. “Why won’t you show me all of you? The good as well as the bad. Is this about me not being able to love you the way you want me to?”
Part of the former student council president was pleased to see this level of maturity and compassion in her volatile friend. She was amazed at how much Natsuki had changed in the relatively short period of time they had been apart. She was pretty sure that her roommates and newfound friends on campus probably had more to do with that than anything else. However, there were some things that Natsuki just couldn't understand, that she really didn't need to know. But here she was, tempting fate like she always did, wanting to have the truth when it could only do more harm than good. Shizuru wasn't ready to have her dearest friend know the secrets of her personal truths; she'd already lost enough as it is.
A flash of anger showed in the brunette’s eyes. She stood up abruptly and walked to the long dining table at the edge of the patio to pour them both some tea. When she spoke again, her voice was deadly quiet. “Just what do you want me to say?”
Natsuki knew that she was pushing her luck but she had to find out what was wrong with the person dearest to her. She lounged idly in her chair, her eyes a mystery. “Why not start from the beginning? That’s always best, so they say.”
Shizuru whirled around and slammed her hand smartly on the tabletop. “And you think you want to know? Do you really want to know the things I’ve done? The things I was thinking?” She leaned forward on her hands, her gaze pinning Natsuki to her seat. “Do you want to know how much it hurt to see you suspect that I could ever hurt you or do anything to you against your will? Or do you want to know how I was hoping against all hope that you would feel a tenth of the love that I feel for you?” Her voice had started out near a whisper but it was slowly building to a shout. Natsuki sat frozen in place, totally shocked by this display of un-kaichou-like behaviour. She wanted to head off a full-scale rant but Shizuru had built up a head of steam and it seemed that she was only getting started.
“How about I tell you how I can’t stand that people think that I’m so perfect, this goddess that can do no wrong. Ugh, it makes me sick just to think of it! I can’t be myself for all of the things other people think I should be!” She was crying openly now, her words came through her teeth as if she were spitting bullets. “Do you want to know how ashamed I felt that the strength I gathered from loving you was now a weakness to be exploited by people like Haruka and Yukino? Is that what you really want to hear?”
Natsuki’s jaw dropped halfway to the floor; she was totally at a loss for words. Never had she imagined that the person who’d been the strongest for her had held back so much of her own pain. Shizuru glared at her from across the balcony, panting from the exertion of venting her anger and frustration. Natsuki got up and approached her warily. A wry smile formed on her face before she could stop it.
“Am I that amusing, Kuga-san?” Shizuru remarked coldly.
“Umm no, I was just thinking that this was our first fight. Ever.”
“I’m sure it won’t be our last.”
“Probably not.” Natsuki wrapped her arms around her former schoolmate. Using the end of her sleeve, she tried to wipe away some of Fujino’s drying tears.
“Natsuki? A handkerchief would work best, don’t you think?”
“Picky, picky,” Natsuki scoffed. Green eyes stared into light brown with an intensity that surprised them both. Natsuki cleared her throat, breaking the spell that threatened to engulf them. “Why don’t you tell your little fangirl make us something to eat? I’m starved!”
They both laughed out loud at the absurdity of her comment. “Anyway,” she continued. “I think we both will need a bit more energy, don’t you? We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Shizuru’s eyes lit up in surprise. “You’re not upset? Shocked? Disturbed?”
Natsuki giggled, giving her friend a knowing wink. “Not hardly. I always knew there was more to you than meets the eye. It’s a shame you thought you couldn’t share these feelings with me. Enough chat. Must...feed…the Kuga monster!”
A tight smile crossed Shizuru’s face as she wiped residual tears from her eyes. “Just when I think I know you well, you manage to surprise me.” She wrapped her arms around Natsuki’s waist and hugged her back. “We’d better go in. Supper’s waiting.”
Onwards to Part 4
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