Delirium (part 3 of 9)

a Mai HiME fanfiction by vinforspi

Back to Part 2 Untitled Document

As always, note-thingys for the duudes that haven't read the manga.
-Alyssa is Natsuki's sister. Yeah. She was fake HiME, or PRINCESS...forgot what that acroynm stood for.
-I think Miyu was also created by Natsuki's mother. She was massed produced and everything...~giggles~ Freedom Miyu!
-So, at this one part of the manga Natsuki lost her HiME powers because she was scared about the whole "precious people going in green sparklies" ...Tate being her MIP (urgh) and like during that part, Natsuki's mother reaapeared as EVIL!CRAZYCYBORG!HiME/PRINCESS with DuranDuran as her child. Shizuru tries to make Natsuki's mother stop. Natsuki's mother then shoots her! boo

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The house was covered in darkness. There was a lonely atmosphere in it, a yearning, a coveting for company. It resounded in the wooden walls like sound would in an instrument: vibrating for moments before being released stronger...clearer. It was uninhabited, dark, almost foreboding. In those abandoned hours of day, afternoon, and night, the home might as well be a ghost house. When a sliver of moonlight shined through the dark windows, small specks of dust were illuminated, tiny ghosts waltzed though this rigid house of silence.

“I’m back,” she called into this house.

No one, of course, replied. It was out of habit that she called out. She wasn’t sure when she had started the tradition. She had only recently gotten use to having someone reply to her call, but those days were already over.

She struggled with her shoes for a moment before finally managing to take them off. She then haphazardly threw them to the side of the genkan, not caring where they landed. It was rather late; she had just gotten back from her part-time job at the local garage.

Her eyes closed, she felt herself take a deep breath. In and out, relaxing—fists clenched and unclenched. She was used to solitude. She grew up on it. So why was it affecting her so much now?

Natsuki was struck by an odd sensation. At first it started like a tiny gap in her stomach that slowly widened, allowing more of its kind to seep into her frame until she was struck by the feeling of...something. She couldn't pinpoint it, she couldn't describe it. It was just a feeling that told her that...something was off. She had forgotten or done something wrong.

I’m back,” she called out into the house.

The home was lit up, bright. Just as she stepped into the home, she could smell the scent of warmed, home cooked food.

“Welcome home,” a voice warmly greeted her from close by. Seconds later, Shizuru stood in front of her, smiling. She wore a light purple apron on top of her school clothes. Duran was at the taller woman’s side, wagging his tail that drummed against the wall in an almost rhythmic beat before he ran to greet her in his normal slobbery fashion.

“I was making dinner,” Shizuru said pleasantly, “would you like to help me?”

Natsuki released a small, hesitant smile and followed the other woman to their destination.


As Natsuki went deeper into this lonely feeling house, Duran started barking from the garden. He was tied to his doghouse and, even then, was trained not to go into the house unless someone was with him.

She went into the garden and unlocked the Ainu who then happily greeted her. Moments later, they went into the kitchen. Natsuki fed him before taking leftovers and heating them for herself. From there, she slide a door open and moved into the ima (or chanoma as Shizuru used to call it, she had always been old fashion) and turned on the TV.

“Natsuki?”

“Yeah?” They were sitting in ima, watching television though neither one of them paid much attention to the glowing, flashing colors that emerged from the screen. Natsuki was idly flipping through a magazine. Shizuru was reading.

“If you’re not going to watch it then turn it off,” Shizuru said motherly without looking up.

“I am watching it,” Natsuki muttered as she turned a page of her magazine, dismayed that the article she was reading was divided by advertisements. “It’s all commercials now.”

“Really?” Shizuru glanced up. “You’re right. So what happened—how did that poor woman escape from that cell?”

“Her stalker took her out of it before moving her into a bigger room. That’s where it left off.”

“I see…” Shizuru put down her book, “Natsuki?”

“…yeah?”

“You know, you can do so much more than just be a mechanic. Isn’t that why you’re in college? I don’t see why someone as intelligent as you are has to settle for a job like that when you could do more, be more.”


And so Natsuki was now studying to become a mechanical engineer. The final exam was in a month.

She sat on the tatami covered floor, quietly eating her dinner while Duran lay at her side. She didn’t pay the TV any attention; it was just noise, just oddly comforting noise. And she definitely didn't pay any attention to that indescribable feeling in her stomach, one unsatisfied by mere food.

Natsuki let out a sigh and retreated back into the inner recesses of her mind.

People are not meant to be alone,” Shizuru smiled warmly at her, “they need other people.”

Natsuki stared at the phone that was on the table within arms reach. For a moment she gazed at it before reaching out with an outstretched hand to take it. However, before she could, she slowly lowered her hand, hesitating.

Natsuki stared at the phone on the table for a long time. Technology had really progressed, she mused to herself, to a point where people can talk with small pieces of metal to other people far away. People you haven’t seen haven’t talked to in years, months, weeks, days…

Natsuki stared at the phone that was on the table within arms reach. It looked harmless. But she was apprehensive of its power. She was nervous of the voice that she could hear from that little machine.

Natsuki stared at the phone that was on the table within arms reach for a long time before, finally, picking it up. She pushed a few buttons; the number memorized years ago. And then she heard ringing.

“This is Kuga Natsuki,” she blurted out when someone picked up the phone.

“Good evening Natsuki ojou-sama,” a monotone voice replied, “is there anything I can help you with?”

“Miyu, I would like to talk to,” she heard sound from the other side change, someone else had taken over that phone.

“Onee-san!” A voice happily chirped. “It’s been so long since I lasted talked to you. Guess what? I’m in high school now! Mother was thinking of transferring me to Fuuka Gakuen. How have you been doing? Are you still—uh oh,” and then, the phone was taken over by someone once again.

“Hello Natsuki,” a voice warmly greeted her.

“Mother.” She said.

“It’s been a while since you last called me,” Even from her phone, she could hear the nostalgia in her mother’s voice. And there was something else…something she couldn’t place. “Is there something that you need?”

“No. I just wanted to talk to you,” she said, surprising herself. The phone was silent for a moment; her mother was probably as shocked as she was. “You’re right, it has been too long.”

“It has been. How are you and Fujino-san?”

This time it was Natsuki who has silent though her silence lasted for more than a moment.

“Is everything all right?” Her mother asked, concerned. “…Natsuki?”

“She left me.”

There was a pause, and then a tentative, “I’m sorry.” It was impossible to doubt the sincerity in her mother’s voice. Her voice seemed raw, ragged even in the phone, as if she had been there.

“Looks like we have more in common now.”

“We…do. Natsuki, I’m very sorry. I know how it feels.”

“How did you feel when you found out he…” She trailed off, hesitating. She didn’t know why she called her mother. They had drifted apart after her freshman year of high school. They rarely talked, choosing to accept the unspoken agreement of leaving each other alone. It was odd, she once had dreamed of being reunited with her mother, being part of a happy family. Then, when she had the chance to, all those years ago, Natsuki had chosen not to take it. But, how could she after what had happened?

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“Me too.”

“You know, Natsuki, I’m hardly the person that you should be asking about this. My relationship with your father was different from yours with Fujino-san. We never connected; we just agreed to stay together for your sake. Even then…”

“You’re wrong. It’s the same. But it was my fault. I…I didn’t try hard enough. I’m not too sure why, what happened that …” She bit her lip. This was her mother she was talking to. Her mother...she had over six years to get use to suddenly having a mother back in her life. She had over six years to find a purpose in life that wasn’t revenge and yet she still felt like she was seventeen again and had just found out her mother was alive.

“I’m so sorry, Natsuki.” Her mother said again. “I don’t know her too well, but Fujino-san seemed to be an extremely competent person. Even in a place she was completely powerless in, she tried to save you, protect you…something that I couldn’t do. It is obvious that she loves you immensely.”

Her mother paused again, regret and self-loathing was clear in her voice, “I can’t say this enough: I am so sorry. What I did to you...I had no right.”

Natsuki closed her eyes. Were these not the words she had been searching for her? To hear them uttered through the mouth of her mother—a person that she once had dedicated her life to avenging, a person who then betrayed her? So many years had passed, yet Natsuki still couldn’t let go. She couldn’t move on…or could she? Had she? Without even knowing it?

Natsuki sighed.

“It’s ok, mother. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.”

“…thank you.”

Once again there was a silence in the room. It was a diminutive, warm silence as if everything between them had been mended. A somewhat comforting silence.

“You know, I met him again, your father.” Her mother said after a while.

“You did?”

“It was seven years ago. We accidentally went to the same restaurant in Hokkaido. He was by himself and I was there on a job venture. We sat, talked, and ate together.” Her mother’s voice was somewhat distant, as if she was reliving that day. “It was almost like the first time we met. He was off on one of his business meetings and I was looking for a job. It was almost the same, as if we had went back in time. He told me that he had married his secretary and how happy they were. I told him of my next project. Actually, it wasn’t the same. I don’t remember what I saw in him. But some of his actions, the way he spoke—you remind me of him.”

Her mother then said bitterly, “you never came up in our conversation, Natsuki. It was like we both couldn’t bring it up; we didn’t want to remember all the terrible things we did to you. He confessed that he didn’t have another child, but I—Alyssa…sometimes I feel like she’s my second chance even though that is…that’s completely wrong. I don’t know anymore. Natsuki, I’m—”

“It’s all right,” she broke off. There were half formed tears in her eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to shed them. “It’s all right,” she said once more, more to herself than anything else.

“My daughter is all grown up,” she could just hear the small smile in her mother’s voice. “What are you doing?”

“Mechanical engineering. Hopefully I’m going to graduate in a couple weeks.”

Doctor Kuga’s laughter was sincere and appreciative. It broke through the tension with ease. “I would never imagine that of you.”

At the sound of her mother’s laughter, a sound that she had not heard for years, Natsuki could not help but to join in. “It was Shizuru’s idea. But I like it.”

“I’m glad that you turned out so well.”

“Me too.”

“We should talk more, don’t you think so?”

“Yeah…”

Duran had awakened from his nap at Natsuki side a while ago and had been contently sitting at her side. He startled her when he suddenly started barking. Then the Ainu did something strange: he ran up to the TV screen and scratched at it, a whining sound was emitted from the back of his throat.

“What’s happening there, Natsuki?” Concern was in her mother’s voice.

She did not answer. Her green eyes had widened in shock, her mouth hung open as if she was going to say something, but was stopped by time. She slowly closed her mouth and dropped the phone she was carrying in surprise.

“Natsuki? Natsuki? What happened—are you feeling well? Natsuki! Answer me!”

The sound coming from the phone fell upon deaf ears. The two occupants of the home were too busy staring at the TV screen.

For there she was, half obscured by the Ainu. Hundreds of flashing cameras surrounded her. She was dressed in a neatly pressed business suit; her serene, regal aura was even obvious through the television screen. When Duran had retreated to hide behind her, Natsuki could read the caption: “Fujino Industry’s newest Vice President.”

“Shizuru…” Natsuki said. The phone slid out of her hand and landed on the tatami without a sound.

Onwards to Part 4


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