FATORA: Attention scum! Scum... pay attention! You are nothing! THE ADVENTURES OF ALIELLE AND FATORA Featuring Alielle and Fatora- behold, superiority! ALIELLE: Hi! And welcome back to the royal bedroom! Today, we have for you another beautiful story of love and affection... FATORA: Well, that's quite enough of that. Let's make some money! ALIELLE: Oh yeah. Seeing as we get to do a short introduction before each story... FATORA: I've decided to put this time to good use! Advertising my brand new line of Heavenly Fatora products! Off you go, Alielle! ALIELLE: El-Hazard, Tenchi Muyo, Slayers, Oh My Goddess, 801 TTS Airbats... what was that last one? FATORA: Oh, Sergeant Mitaka, you will be mine... carry on. ALIELLE: All these anime have one thing in common- hot springs! FATORA: Hot springs are fun, and provide many unmissable opportunities to see attractive female acquaintances in the nude. And now, thanks to Heavenly Fatora Products, you can have your very own portable hot spring resort! ALIELLE: Be the envy of your friends and neighbours! The Heavenly Fatora Portable Hot Spring Resort is so easy to set up! FATORA: Simply use the special industrial pneumatic drill and length of hose to attach the kit to your nearest geothermal vent. ALIELLE: Disclaimer- The Heavenly Fatora Corporation assumes no responsibility for your proximity or otherwise to geothermal vents. FATORA: So purchase your Heavenly Fatora Portable Hot Spring Resort now! And every day can be a brief nudity day! ALIELLE: Disclaimer- Brief nudity may not apply to customers with Cartoon Network. FATORA: Excellent. Now, back to our story. Alielle? ALIELLE: Last time on The Adventures of Alielle and Fatora, Miss Fatora swore she'd get even with her rival, Princess Formyka. Even though Formyka IS cute, with lovely red hair and... FATORA: Hey! ALIELLE: Will Fatora get the better of Formyka? Find out now... CHAPTER FIVE: "THE FORTNIGHT" "Princess, I have something very important to give to you." Fatora shielded her eyes from the morning sun and rolled over in bed. "Alielle, can't you see I'm tired?" she moaned. "It's early. Don't you ever stop?" "I'm... not Alielle, princess," the voice said nervously. That's a point, thought Fatora. The voice didn't really sound like Alielle, come to think of it, and by the feel of things Alielle was still in bed, asleep. So who was this? Fatora squinted up through the unwelcome light and saw... a man. A man! In her bedroom! It was surprising how quickly a shock like that could get you wide awake. "What are you doing here? This room is off-limits to men! How dare you!" "I... I... I only came to deliver your mail, princess. I was instructed to bring it to you in person," the man panicked. "Don't hurt me! I'm one of your staff!" "That can't be right," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I don't have any male staff. My servants are all female. Not that I'm discriminatory, you understand. It's just that men suck and I'd much rather be surrounded by women. So how do you explain your presence here?" "I'm actually a temp... a lot of your usual staff are off sick." "I don't know why they keep catching colds," sighed Fatora, shaking her head. "Maybe it's got something to do with those new regulation uniforms I gave them. I suppose they are a little skimpy... Anyway, where's my mail? I'm expecting a very important package today." "There's no package, princess, just a letter for you. And one for Miss Ralielle. The man handed two letters to Fatora. "No package?" she complained. "They said twenty-eight days. Damn specialist catalogues. I'll have to get on to the company." "If you tell me what the package is, I could make an enquiry with the postal service," the man offered. Fatora shook her head decisively. "I wouldn't want to make you blush." "Well, if there's anything else I can do..." "Thankyou, you've done quite enough. I'm sure the sight of me in my underwear will be sufficient fuel for your sick male fantasies for many years to come..." "Actually princess, I'm gay." "Are you?" Fatora replied, her tone almost congratulatory. "Oh, well... in that case, I won't fire you. Just try to stick to Rune's end of the palace. Dismissed!" The man hurriedly left. Fatora prodded Alielle in an attempt to wake her. "Rise and shine, girl wonder. There's a letter here for you. Looks foreign." Alielle blinked her tired eyes as Fatora deposited the letter on her lap, then set about opening her own. Alielle immediately recognised the writing on the envelope. It was from Mother. She turned to Fatora, who was examining the contents of her letter with disbelief. "What does yours say, Fatora?" "I can't believe this... apparently, I'm being accused of sexual discrimination! Somebody claimed that my selection procedure for servants was unfairly weighted towards female applicants. This is your union pestering me again, Alielle. Will they ever leave me alone?" "They're not taking you to court, are they?" "Oh, a few bribes should take care of things. So... who's yours from?" "Just my mother," Alielle smiled. "I haven't heard from her in a while." Fatora sat up decisively. "Well, I feel like a shower. Want one?" "Not just yet," she replied. "I think I'll stay here for a while and see what my mother has to say." "Suit yourself," Fatora said, jumping out of bed. "I'll see you later." As Fatora left the room, Alielle carefully opened the envelope on removed the letter. 'Dear Alielle, How is my special little girl? I do hope that you and your friend Fatora are in good health.' Alielle couldn't help but break into a smile on reading this. That was mother. Of course, she was aware of the full extent of Alielle's relationship with Fatora, and was quite proud that her daughter had won the affections of royalty. But she could never find an appropriate term to describe their relationship, and until she did, 'friends' was all they would be... 'Your sister Aspielle has a lovely new boyfriend who we all got to meet last week. I hope we'll get to meet Fatora soon, as we've been hearing so much about her.' Alielle shuddered, thinking of the almost infinite number of ways in which Fatora could offend her unsuspecting parents. She'd have to think of an excuse to put that off. 'Parnasse tells us that his new job will bring him to Florestica soon. I'm sure he's looking forward to seeing you again.' Parnasse? Oh, that was all she needed. 'As it's almost Damach, we've been busy preparing. It's a shame you won't be able to spend your first Damach with us, but...' Her eyes drifted off the page. Damach? Already? Surely not. Somebody would have mentioned it. But, then again, Damach wasn't widely observed in Roshtaria. Why would anybody have mentioned it? Okay, there was no need to get worked up about it. Why, all she had to do was find a calendar and work out how much time was left. Fatora straightened her hat and walked back into the bedroom. "Alielle, have you seen my orange shoes? I feel like orange today." No answer. Fatora looked over at the bed. Alielle had gone, leaving the sheets in disarray. She shrugged, and noticed a pair of brown shoes on the floor. Well, brown was almost orange. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she pulled the shoes on, and noticed Alielle's letter behind her. Clearly, Alielle had left the room in a hurry. Could something be wrong? Possibly, although a more likely explanation was that Alielle had spied an attractive female servant passing the room, and gone to investigate. She crossed the room and stepped out onto the adjoining balcony. It was a nice day. Not too hot. A pleasant breeze was blowing from the west. Yes, she was in a good mood today. "There she is!" Fatora looked down. Nanami, Shayla, Afura and Miz were below her, looking up in anger. What was their problem? "Good morning!" she called down. "Lovely day! Can I help you ladies?" "You've gone too far!" Shayla called back. "You pervert! Anyone other than a princess would have been locked up by now!" "What's this about?" Fatora shouted, bemused. "You know what this is about!" Nanami retorted. "None of us have any pants!" "Oh. Is that a... fashion statement or something?" "Don't play dumb!" Shayla fumed. "You stole our pants, admit it!" Fatora laughed. "I had nothing to do with it." She paused as she realised something surprising. "Hey, wait a minute. I really DIDN'T have anything to do with it!" This wasn't her doing, although admittedly, it was exactly the sort of thing she'd do. Well, Nanami and Shayla, definitely. Afura, quite possibly. But Miz? Who'd swipe Miz's pants? A palace guard approached the small congregation below her. "Excuse me, your holinesses. We believe there is a thief in the palace. Princess Rune reports the theft of certain... garments." "Fatora, how could you?" Afura responded, shocked. "Your own sister? Have you no shame?" "It wasn't me!" Fatora insisted. Bang went her good mood. "Do you want me to write it down for you? It wasn't me!" "Hi Fatora!" another voice called. Fatora looked down to see that the group had been joined by... oh, not her... The most sincere and irritating of rivals. Princess Formyka. "She did it!" Fatora shouted. "I bet it was her!" "Don't try pushing the blame on someone else!" Shayla relied. "Right," Formyka agreed. "Whatever it is I'm accused of, I didn't do it." "What's that you're holding, princess?" Miz asked suspiciously. Formyka glanced down at the underwear she'd forgotten she was holding. "These? Oh..." "My pants!" Nanami cried. "It was you! You..." "Miss Jinnai," Formyka smiled nervously, "I happened to... find these pants... somewhere. I took it upon myself to... return them to their rightful owner." She felt around in her pocket and produced another pair. "Are these yours, Priestess Shayla?" "You... PERVERT!" Shayla screamed. Fatora turned away from the balcony and walked back into the bedroom. Behind her, she could hear a series of explosions and the sound of Formyka screaming. Alielle exited the store and found herself swept along the street by the non-stop stream of other shoppers. Florestica was busy today. Alielle usually enjoyed the excitement of city life, but on days like this, when it was too crowded for her liking, she found herself thinking about home. She wasn't a native of Roshtaria. She was born in Kosm, a small town in the neighbouring kingdom of Dorusland. It was a quiet town, close-knit and ultimately pretty boring, but it was where she had spent most of her life, and she often got homesick despite her interesting new life in Florestica. Whenever possible, she would return home to visit, but she couldn't do this as often as she would have liked- partly because of the distance, but also because she was afraid to leave Fatora alone in case she offended somebody and started a war. Most of all though, she missed her family. Her mother, cheerful and affectionate; her father, good-natured and, ironically, a little over- protective. Even her eight sisters and six brothers. The town may have been small, but the Ralielle family alone generated enough chaos to fill a city. She should be back there now, really. She never imagined she'd be spending her first Damach in a foreign land. Not that she usually gave religious matters that much thought- that was evident from the fact that she had only just discovered that Damach started today. It was more a matter of culture. Her parents were no more devout than she was, but they'd always observed Damach, and there was never any question that she would too. It was going to be tough, though. Some parts in particular. But at least she had Fatora. She'd understand. Makoto looked up from the ancient text he was attempting to translate as Fatora entered the library. "Good morning, princess." "Oh, it's you. Having fun?" "Well," Makoto started, "I've managed to find some texts which I'm pretty sure pre-date the construction of the Eye of God. I'm searching through them for references to technology of the day..." "I'll assume that's a yes," she replied. "What are you doing here, princess?" Makoto asked. "I don't see you in the library too often." "Me? Oh, I'm in and out of here all the time," Fatora said, scanning the shelves. "One cannot truly claim to have lived without having sampled at least some of the literary greats." She pulled a book from one of the shelves. "Makoto smiled with curiosity. "I had no idea you had an interest in literature." "Check it out." Fatora passed her book to Makoto, who read the title and sighed. "One Hundred and One Sexual Positions For Acrobatic Female Lovers? Is this the kind of stuff you read?" "Read it?" she laughed, taking the book back. "I wrote the introduction! Anyway, glad to see you're having a productive day." "Not too productive," he said, shaking his head. "Earlier this morning I had to go shopping. It, uh, seems I completely ran out of underwear." Fatora winced. "Eew! Formyka took YOUR underwear too? What is wrong with the woman?" "You don't like Princess Formyka, do you?" Makoto observed. "To be honest, that surprises me. She seems like the sort of person you'd get on with." "Why? Because she's a perverted, sex-crazed deviant?" "Well... pretty much." "You're mistaken," Fatora snapped. "I have standards. Not her. She'd screw her own grandfather if he wasn't dead. And even that might not be enough to stop her in principle. Come to think of it, maybe that's why they had him cremated..." Makoto decided not to give that matter too much thought. "But why do you dislike her so much?" "Because she's always making herself out to be better than me. She's always... comparing sizes. It's so embarrassing." "Sizes? Of what?" "Harems. She has fifty women and fifty men, all hand-picked. And me... I have... well, I guess there's Alielle, but other than that..." "You know, Fatora, size isn't the most important thing in the world." Fatora sneered. "You men say that a lot, don't you?" "It's true!" "Makoto, my dear boy, in your case, I doubt size would make any difference at all." "Uh... thanks," Makoto said, trying to work out whether or not Fatora's comment was meant as a compliment. "How come you don't have a harem anyway?" "Of course, I'd like one," Fatora sighed. "What girl wouldn't? But Roshtarian servants have one hell of a powerful union. You wouldn't believe the amount of paperwork a harem generates in this country. I just don't have the time. Formyka has it easy over in Styrenia, the bitch." "It sounds to me as if the two of you are fighting over nothing," Makoto commented. "Perhaps you should try to get on with her." Get on with Formyka? Ludicrous, Fatora thought as she paced along the corridor. They were rivals. For their relationship to be anything other than that would be a flagrant contradiction of the basic laws of nature. But... What if they WEREN'T enemies? Fatora and Formyka united... No force would be able to stand against them. Together they could form a royal seduction squad so powerful, even the most committed heterosexual women would stand an even chance of being converted. Women like... Shayla-Shayla... The thought of a real-life lesbian Shayla was so beautiful, it caused Fatora to forget what she was doing and collide with an oncoming servant. "Oh! Please accept my apologies, your majesty!" "My fault entirely," Fatora smiled as she looked down at the young woman. "I don't believe I've seen you before." "No, princess," the woman replied. "I've just started working here." "Really, now?" Fatora's smile turned into a grin. "Well, it's always a pleasure to welcome new staff into our little family. If there's anything I can do to help, don't hesitate to ask. I want your time here to be as... comfortable as possible." She gently put her hand on the woman's shoulder. "Why don't I take you on a personal guided tour of some of my favourite parts of the palace?" "I'd be honoured, princess," the woman responded, a little surprised. "Hey! Fatora!" a voice called out from behind. Fatora knew, without having to turn around, that it was Formyka. "Nice servant," Formyka noted. She leaned in to the servant and whispered- "She's only trying to get in your pants." The servant blushed profusely and backed away. "Please... excuse me, princess!" she blurted out, and beat a hasty retreat. "What did you do THAT for?" Fatora hissed at Formyka. "She was a sure thing!" "Oh, Fatora, can't you take a joke?" Formyka laughed. "Or is she really the best you can do? You take everything so seriously, don't you?" "The seduction of women is a serious business!" Fatora answered. "Only for somebody like you, who has to put serious effort into it," Formyka gloated. "Face it. Compared to me, you're an amateur." "Nonsense! I could've INVENTED debauchery!" Fatora fumed. "Okay, okay," Formyka nodded. "Then I propose a test. I challenge you to sleep with an agreed number of women, and provide documentary proof, by the time I leave in two weeks." "You're on!" Fatora folded her arms. "And how many women exactly?" "As you're a beginner I'll set the limit low. Let's say... three." "Three?" Fatora could hardly suppress her amusement. "I've done more than that in one night! With a whole two weeks, I can afford to take my time. You might as well proclaim me victorious now!" "Don't forget, your little friend Alielle can help," Formyka smiled ominously. "Well, yeah..." Fatora agreed. She then turned around and started heading back down the corridor. "I'll see YOU later!" When Fatora was out of sight, two small figures, one female and one male, stepped out of the shadows. Formyka's two favourite servants, Number One and Number Two, ran over to join her. "Wow, Lady Formyka, your plan is working perfectly!" said Number Two, his eyes full of admiration. "I can't believe she agreed to it," Formyka sniggered. "How could she be so dumb?" "It's because she doesn't have the infinite wisdom and intelligence that only you possess," Number One smiled. Princess Rune set about opening the package before her. The top half of the label was torn, but it appeared to be intended for her. She opened the box, took a look at the contents and almost fainted. "Fatora! I think this must be for you!" "Hey, Alielle, my package came after all!" Fatora grinned proudly. "They just sent it to Rune by accident. Oh, we're gonna have some fun with this..." she placed the box on the table. "So, where did you disappear to?" "I was shopping," Alielle replied, looking a little distracted. "You weren't buying new underwear too, were you? If Formyka took yours as well, I'll have to..." "No, I needed, um, candles." "Candles?" Fatora responded, perturbed. "Well, what you spend your money on is up to you." She opened the box and looked with some disappointment at her purchase. "Damn. This thing looked a lot bigger in the catalogue." "Fatora," Alielle started apprehensively, "did, um, you know that Damach starts today?" "Damach?" Fatora tried to remember where she'd heard the word before. "Oh, I know. Isn't it some sort of foreign religious thing?" "Well, it's actually my religion. Damach is two weeks of reflection and... things. It happens every year." This was news to Fatora, but she didn't want to appear ignorant, so she decided to play along. "Yeah, I remember it now. Damach." "So... you know what it involves?" "Oh, absolutely. Praying, that kind of stuff," Fatora bluffed. "Fatora, you don't really know, do you?" "Well, not... completely. What does it involve, then?" Alielle hesitated. "First, I, uh, can't eat before sunset." "And?" "Well, and... I'm not allowed to have sex." Fatora's eyes grew to something approaching twice their normal size. "No sex? For two weeks? Is that physically possible?" "Fatora, I..." "I don't remember any of this happening last year!" "This is the first year that I'm old enough to participate. A person's first Damach is very important." Fatora frowned. "You might have given me some advance warning." Alielle frowned back. "Nobody's asking YOU to take part. It's me that's doing this, not you." She looked away and sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't be like this." "Like what, exactly?" "You know what I mean." Fatora looked at Alielle awkwardly. Alielle was right of course. She was being selfish. But she couldn't help it. This turn of events was unexpected to say the least. "So... you're definitely going through with it, then?" "Well of course I'm going through with it!" Alielle sighed. "Fatora, could you at least pretend to be supportive?" "I AM supportive! I'm very supportive!" Fatora insisted. "Never let it be said that I, Princess Fatora, would not assist her lover in a time of spiritual crisis. What do you want me to do?" "Just don't tempt me," said Alielle, shooting an accusing glance in Fatora's direction. "That's all?" Fatora replied. "Oh, I can manage that." Fatora sat dejectedly at a table in the Shinonome Diner. Eventually, Nanami approached her. "What do YOU want?" Fatora asked grumpily. "Well, I was going to take your order, but if that's your attitude..." "I'll have some of your finest non-alcoholic wine, and something with a ton of chocolate in it. And give me a break, I'm having a bad day." "I notice Alielle isn't here," Nanami observed. "Is everything okay?" Fatora shrugged. "Alielle's acting very strangely. She's turned into some sort of religious fanatic. Obsessed with participating in the festival of something or other." "A smile crossed Nanami's lips. "Alielle's religious? That's the first I've heard of it." "Yeah," Fatora nodded. "You think you know someone, and then... she says she's not going to have sex for two weeks!" "Wow. For Alielle, that's dedication. So what are you going to do?" "Well," Fatora pondered, "I'll just have to get my sex elsewhere for the time being. I'll probably go for servants. Have to make it at least three... Formyka challenged me to sleep with three women in the next two weeks, so..." "My God," Nanami said, astounded. "I'm shocked..." Fatora continued. "I know. She really is underestimating me, don't you agree? I mean, come on. Three women? Three?" "That's not what I mean," Nanami frowned. "What about Alielle's feelings? It's going to be hard for someone like her to manage no sex for two weeks. And if she sees you messing around with other women, how'll that make her feel?" "Hey, it's her decision!" Fatora protested. "It's not like I'm asking her to do it. If you ask me, the concept of depriving yourself of pleasure for religious purposes is stupid, stupid, stupid. That's why religion causes so many wars. All the followers are so pent up with sexual frustration." "What you THINK doesn't matter." "I'm a princess! And I think you'll find that what I think ALWAYS matters!" Nanami shook her head. "My point is that whatever your opinion, you should be doing more to keep Alielle happy. Do you have any comprehension of how fortunate you are?" "Fortunate? Well, I..." "You have someone like Alielle who stays by you despite your multiple personality flaws. You maintain a relationship without ever really trying. And I've never once heard you tell her that you love her. You think this is going to last forever? Sooner or later, even Alielle's gonna get fed up." "How dare you suggest that my relationship is anything other than perfect! Alielle is well aware of my feelings towards her. She doesn't NEED me to prove it with silly gestures. Besides, I have a competition with Formyka to think about..." "Oh, I see," said Nanami. "Fatora, what do you think is more important? Alielle or this feud you have going with Formyka?" Fatora paused. "Um... well, I don't really..." "If you can't answer that question straight away then maybe there isn't any hope for your relationship," Nanami said sternly. Fatora did her best to ignore Nanami's words as she walked up to the bedroom that night. What did Nanami know about love anyway? Someone who channelled all of her sexual energy into pining after an unobtainable, uninspiring boy. Fatora had been with Alielle for well over a year now, and, she told herself, knew her better than anyone. So it was with considerable surprise that she discovered that her bedroom had been extensively redecorated. There were candles everywhere- covering every available surface- and some of them, Fatora noted, were perilously close to flammable fabrics. But the most noticeable difference was the bed- or, more precisely, beds. Where there had been one bed there were now two. On the far bed, Alielle was kneeling, apparently unaware of Fatora's presence, and repeating a mantra to herself- "For the coming of the light we pray, The great manifestation of all things obscure, With light comes truth and happiness." Alielle recited this several times over, and then noticed Fatora. "Oh, Fatora. I was just... well, you probably wouldn't be interested. Where have you been?" "Just out and about, nowhere special." Fatora glanced around the room. "I see you've been busy." "I... didn't think you'd mind," Alielle said. "Since you said you were okay with it, I decided to decorate the room in the traditional way." "And the two beds?" "It's just in case I get tempted," Alielle justified. "It's... difficult, Fatora. You wouldn't believe how much more inviting sex becomes when you know you can't do it. I'm scared that I won't last the full two weeks..." "Well, whatever happens, I won't judge you. If you can't stick it out, there's no need to be embarrassed. Hell, if you want to quit tonight, again, that's fine..." "Stop it," Alielle frowned. "What?" Fatora asked innocently. "You want me to fail don't you? You'd be much happier if I just forgot about this whole thing, wouldn't you?" Fatora paused. "Is there a way I can answer that question honestly without pissing you off?" "I'm going to bed." Fatora lay unhappily in her single bed and stared up, as she always did, at the blackness. Or, at least, it was usually blackness. On this particular night, however, the darkness was punctuated by the light of the candles. "Alielle, can we put out the candles now?" "No." "It's just that they kind of make it difficult to sleep..." "The candles have to stay lit for the whole of Damach, or else the lights won't come. At least, in a spiritual sense." Fatora replayed this statement a few times in her head, and decided, on reflection, that it made no sense at all. Alielle suddenly seemed very foreign. She turned over and closed her eyes. Stupid religion. Alielle could be so weird sometimes. 'You think this is going to last forever?' a voice said in her head. 'Sooner or later, even Alielle's gonna get fed up.' That's... ridiculous, Fatora told herself. There was a time, before Alielle came into her life, that Fatora had been really quite paranoid. This older, obsolete version of her was now all but gone. But, just occasionally, a swift kick of paranoia was precisely what she needed. What if... Nanami was right? Could it be possible? She had never thought about losing Alielle before because the concept had never seemed even remotely plausible. But now, thanks to that small part of her which remained true to her old self, she had a momentary glimpse of that possibility. A little nervously, she looked over to Alielle's bed. Alielle was curled up, facing the wall, the candlelight illuminating her body in a most curious way. It suddenly occurred to Fatora that, in this special light, Alielle looked more beautiful than ever. I can't lose her, Fatora thought. The combination of candles and worrying meant that Fatora didn't get to sleep for hours. As a consequence, she overslept and finally awoke shortly before midday. Looking around, she noticed that the room had changed again. All of the candles had been moved to Alielle's side of the room. Fatora's initial reaction was relief. Perhaps now she'd be able to get a decent night's sleep. But then, a small part of her brain suggested that maybe this wan't such a good thing after all. The rest of her brain told it to shut up. Whatever the consensus, half an hour later she was in Nanami's restaurant, making what, for Fatora, was a most embarrassing confession. "I... um... need your advice." Nanami found it difficult to disguise her satisfaction, so she didn't. "Oh yeah?" "Yes," Fatora sighed. "I might have upset Alielle. I mean, really upset her. She has these candles, you see, and..." "Oh, I know," Nanami interrupted. "The Damach candles are lit in order to summon the lights. After you mentioned the festival yesterday, I asked Makoto to do some research on the subject." "How come?" "I have an interest in cultural history," Nanami said. When this failed to convince Fatora, she added- "Also I thought there might be some money to be made from it. It turns out I was right. Check it out!" Nanami pointed proudly to a sign proclaiming- 'Damach Special: Nanami Jinnai says Happy Damach to you!' "It's an idea I'm especially proud of," she smiled. "Most of the people in Roshtaria who celebrate the festival are immigrants from countries further south, just like Alielle. There aren't many of them, but the majority live right here in Florestica. Now, one of the rules of Damach is no eating during daylight hours. Which is why, for the next two weeks, the Shinonome Diner will be open all night, every night!" Fatora nodded in approval. "I'm impressed. Now, are you gonna help me or not?" "Okay, okay. Go on." "This morning, Alielle moved all of the candles over to her side of the room. Do you think she's trying to tell me something?" "Oh no," Nanami said. "This could be a very bad sign." "Hey, I was just a little concerned. I mean, I don't think it's a cause for immediate panic." "No, Fatora. Don't you see? Alielle's putting up a barrier between the two of you." "Okay," Fatora frowned. "I think it's obvious you're making this up as you go along." "I am not!" Nanami insisted. "I'll have you know I'm an expert in this field!" "Really? And just how much experience do you have, huh?" "I'll admit I'm lacking when it comes to the practical side of things," Nanami replied, "but I know everything there is to know about Romantic Theory." Fatora blinked. "Romantic Theory?" "Yes. Many years spent reading romantic manga have left me with a sixth sense for the weak spots in other people's relationships. Permit me to demonstrate with a few appropriate examples..." One hour later, Fatora was no closer to solving her problem, but she had learnt more about manga love affairs than most people learn in a lifetime. "I still don't get it. If this Belldandy chick has such a great relationship, how come she never has sex?" "I think the theory behind Oh My Goddess is a little... uh... advanced for you," Nanami sighed. "The point I've been trying to illustrate is that you always have to consider the other person's feelings. Think about it. Alielle's in a foreign country, trying to live up to a tradition that nobody here understands. Just think how lonely she must feel." "I know, I know," Fatora nodded. "So what do you suggest?" "There's only one solution," Nanami smiled. "You have to make yourself a part of it. Show an interest. Participate." "Participate?" Fatora echoed, incredulous. "Are you seriously suggesting I voluntarily deprive myself of sex for two weeks? Apart from the fact that I have a competition to think about, I doubt I'd be able to last that long." Nanami refused to be put off. "If Alielle can manage it, so can you. And as for your rivalry with Princess Formyka... if you truly love Alielle, then you'll make her your number one priority." Fatora finally found Alielle in the royal gardens, looking hungry, frustrated and thoroughly miserable. "Hey there," Fatora said, sitting down next to her. "What's up?" "Is it me or do all the women look more attractive today?" Alielle asked sadly. "I'm pathetic. One and a half days without sex and I'm cracking up already." "Well, you don't have to suffer alone anymore," Fatora smiled. "Because I'm joining you." Alielle narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Is this some sort of plot to trick me into having sex?" "Not at all, not at all," Fatora continued, unfazed. "I'm not saying I'll enjoy it, but it's enough to know I'm sharing in a part of my dear Alielle's life." "But... I thought you weren't interested," Alielle replied, confused. "Oh, I was just a little surprised. But now I've had a chance to think about it, I definitely want to take part." Alielle wondered exactly what had happened to Fatora today. "Really?" she probed, in an effort to check she wasn't imagining this. "Really," Fatora replied. "Oh! Fatora!" Alielle jumped on top of Fatora in delight. "How selfless! I feel so lucky to have somebody so kind and considerate!" Wow, Fatora thought. That was really easy. "This is going to be so much more special now that I have someone to share it with," Alielle continued happily. "Hey, on the last night we can watch for the lights together." "Um, okay," said Fatora. "What lights are these?" "The lights appear in the sky every year, on the last night of Damach. It's a tradition to spend the last night waiting for them to appear. Unfortunately, they're not actually visible from Roshtaria, so it's more of a formality..." Alielle let out a little sigh. "That's one thing I really miss about home. They're so beautiful. All green and pink and white and... stuff." Fatora took Alielle's hand and began to lead her back to the palace. A strange, logical calm had come over her. Why, this needn't be so difficult. A mere two weeks was nothing, she told herself. It was simply a matter of mental determination- and she, Princess Fatora, had a mind of legendary status. It is, in fact, quite possible that Fatora would have done everything in her power to keep her promise, if it hadn't been for one complicating factor. Fatora had done her very best to avoid Formyka, but, alas, on the fifth day their paths crossed, and Fatora found herself facing the same old dilemma. "Fatora!" Formyka smirked. "Tell me, how are things progressing with the challenge I gave you?" Fatora was about to give Formyka precise details of the orifice into which she could insert her challenge, but Formyka continued before she had the chance to speak. "Only from what I hear, you've been getting less action than a Muldoon priestess. So come on. How many women have you managed so far?" Fatora gritted her teeth. "The royal house has no comment to make on that matter at this time. You are invited to go boil your head." "Don't tell me you haven't managed ANY," Formyka laughed. "Not even Alielle? What's the matter, Fatora honey? Can't you satisfy her these days? Hey, I know- I could give you some tips. Even better... just leave her with me for ten minutes. I guarantee she'll be smiling when she returns..." "AAAAAARGH!" Fatora screamed. "I'll show you, you third rate princess, you fourth rate debaucher, you vile fungus in the toilet bowl of life, you... bitch!" Fatora stormed off down the corridor. "Whoa," Formyka said to herself. "Looks like I hit a nerve with that one." "Your majesty, you're so kind," the servant smiled shyly as Fatora showed her to the table. The Shinonome Diner was crowded tonight- evidently Nanami's Damach Specials were very popular. Of course, the last thing Fatora wanted to think about was Damach. 'Bad Fatora,' a little voice said. 'This is a terrible thing to do.' This dissenting voice was Fatora's conscience- so the only person who heard it was Fatora, and she wasn't listening. There is a common misconception, shared by many of those who regularly encounter Princess Fatora on a social basis, that she has no conscience at all. This is not true, however much Fatora would like it to be. Many of Fatora's schemes require a high degree of concentration, which will only be impeded some sanctimonious little manifestation of consciousness popping up and questioning the ethical validity of it all. One day, Fatora hoped, doctors would identify the part of the brain in which conscience resided- whereupon she could have the damn thing cut out once and for all. Fatora's conscience was getting extremely agitated tonight. However, she had had no sex for six days now, and her conscience was effectively powerless against the flood of hormones that engulfed it. All it could do was sit back and occasionally offer its opinion, and hope Fatora would see the light. Nanami approached the table with suspicion. "Where's Alielle?" Fatora looked around, caught off guard. "Oh, I... erm... I don't know. Somewhere or other. Can we order now?" "Who's this?" frowned Nanami. "Why do you ask?" Fatora smiled nervously, trying to cover up the fact that she'd forgotten he servant's name. "Oh, you know, I just thought you'd be with Alielle tonight." Fatora looked back to the servant. "Would you excuse us?" She stood up and took Nanami aside. "What's the matter? Can't I have dinner with friends without you interrogating me?" "Don't give me that," Nanami hissed. "I can tell you're planning on having sex with her." Fatora considered denying this, then decided that on balance it probably wasn't worth the effort. "Look," she said, "I know this might SEEM wrong, but let me assure you that it's not. You see, Alielle doesn't know I'm going to do this." "And that makes it okay?" "Sure it does. Think about it. I'm not following Damach because actually believe any of that stuff. The only reason I'm doing it is because seeing me do it makes Alielle happy. So, you see, it doesn't matter if I cheat, just as long as Alielle doesn't SEE me cheat. Get it?" "My God," Nanami said. "You're an evil genius." She shook her head. "I don't care how you try to justify it. It's still wrong." "Oh, well, excuse me, Little Miss Moral High Ground," Fatora replied. "Just remind me which one of us is making an obscene amount of money out of a religious festival." "I'm Japanese. We do it all the time. Besides, everyone's happy, aren't they?" "Yes," Fatora nodded. "And if my plan works, that will also make everyone happy. I'll be on my way to beating Formyka. Alielle will be none the wiser. And that young lady over there will have had the best night of her otherwise dull life. Do you see a problem with that?" "I do," Nanami said, narrowing her eyes. "What if it doesn't work? What if Alielle finds out what you're doing? Can you imagine? The divine Belldandy herself wouldn't be able to talk herself out of that one." "Well... yeah. But my plan WILL work if you just do your job and take our damn order." Nanami returned to the table a few minutes later with a fake smile and two bottles. "Your wine," she said to Fatora. "What was it? Oh yeah. Non-alcoholic for you, and something mildly intoxicating for your friend." "Ssh!" Fatora hissed. She hastily took the bottles and began to pour. Nanami moved away, but continued to observe. "Cheers," Fatora said, picking up her glass. Fatora opened her eyes, and wondered why she still couldn't see anything. Wait, there was a reason... at least, she suspected there was. Another sensation of one kind or another- she couldn't really tell. Her brain was rather sluggish for some reason. Her face was pressed against something hard. Yes, that was it. All she had to do was remove her face from the hard object, and... She lifted her head from the table and discovered she was still in the restaurant. Only... a few things were different. The servant- whatever her name was- had gone. In fact, all of the customers had gone. It was light outside. And Alielle was staring at her with undisguised concern. "Fatora, are you okay?" "No," Fatora mumbled. "Was I here... all night?" "Not quite," Nanami said, walking over. "You were on the floor for a while too. Wow, I heard that alcohol doesn't agree with you, but I didn't realise you were THAT bad." "Hold on," Fatora objected, quietly so as not to aggravate her ferocious headache. "I didn't drink any alcohol. I never do! Because... well, I think the reason is quite obvious." "There was a mix up," Nanami said. "It seems that instead of your usual non-alcoholic wine, I accidentally gave you something a little... um... stronger." She held up a bottle of Old Acrisian Ridiculously Strong Potato Wine, with a label attached stating- 'Warning: Fujisawa only!' "Yeah," Nanami continued. "One glass of that and you were out like a light." Although the reasoning centres of Fatora's brain weren't at full capacity this morning, she was still able to put two and two together. "You did that on purpose!" she whispered to Nanami. "You KNEW I wouldn't be able to take that stuff!" "So what if I did?" Nanami whispered back. "I did it for you and Alielle. You'll thank me for it." "I'll kill you for it!" "What's the matter?" Alielle asked innocently. "Nothing!" Fatora and Nanami replied together. "Well, that's okay," Alielle said, oblivious. "Fatora, you poor little thing." She bent down to embrace Fatora- a warm, protective embrace which was precisely what Fatora needed right now. "I'm very sorry about the mistake," Nanami said, continuing the charade. "If there's anything I can do to make it up..." "Give me food," Fatora moaned. "I'm dying. I need food." Alielle shook her head. "Now, Fatora, you know there's no food allowed until sunset. Come on, I'll take you home." Fatora tried to mumble objections, but had to apply all of her strength into standing up, so her efforts went unnoticed. Alielle led her slowly out of the restaurant and into the unnecessarily bright sunlight. "Are you feeling any better now, sweetness?" Alielle gave Fatora another glass of water. She was, at least, allowed to have water- which was just as well, as without it she suspected she'd have crystallised by now. Fatora downed the glass in one go. "Thanks, Alielle. I think I'm starting to recover." "Well, you just stay there, and if there's anything you need, you just have to ask." "You're being very attentive today," Fatora noted. Alielle smiled. "You deserve it. After all, you've tried so hard this past week, and all for my benefit. I'm really not worthy of such dedication." Fatora, to her surprise, began to feel guilty. "Don't say that." Alielle looked guilty too. "It's true. You see, last night, when you didn't come back, I started to worry. I was afraid... afraid that you'd gone off to have sex with somebody." She looked to the floor. "I doubted you. I'm so ashamed." Fatora put her hand on Alielle's shoulder. "It's okay. I don't mind. This is a... stressful time for both of us." "Oh, Fatora," Alielle sighed. "You're so wonderful. I know you'd never really go back on your promise." Fatora thought she could hear her conscience laughing at her, although it may just have been her hangover. The week that followed was probably the most difficult of Fatora's life. Alielle found it hard too, of course, but she complained a lot less. If there were any spiritual benefits to be gained from their abstinence, neither of them noticed. Most of the time, the were too busy with the important business of pacing, and calculating the exact number of days, hours and minutes until they were allowed to have sex again. Somehow, though, they managed. Alielle was motivated by a sense of duty to her culture, while Fatora was driven by a mixture of negative emotions, primarily guilt. Strangely, Formyka did not spend this time gloating. In fact, she kept an uncharacteristically low profile. The next time Fatora met her was on the final day of Damach. Formyka and her servants were hiding behind an ornamental fountain, attempting to spy on the girls beyond it. Fatora approached them, trying to look as dignified as possible. "Oh... Fatora," Formyka said. "You know I leave tomorrow morning. And if I remember, you said that by the time I left, you'd have..." "Yes, yes, yes," Fatora nodded. "Well, anyway, something happened and I couldn't. I thought you'd want to know." Formyka's servants could hardly contain their pleasure, but the princess herself remained calm and courteous. "Oh, bad luck. Well, no hard feelings, eh?" Now Fatora was confused. "You're... not going to humiliate me because of this?" "Of course not. It was just a friendly challenge." "Okay..." Fatora said slowly. "So... I'll just be off now." "See you," Formyka nodded. "Oh, and Happy Damach." Fatora walked away. The conversation had seemed so unreal that she found herself checking it over and over in her head. She walked back into the palace. Across the hallway. Up the stairs. Along the corridor. Into the bedroom. Alielle was sitting on one of the beds. "Hi Fatora!" Alielle said. "Happy Damach." Suddenly Fatora realised what had been wrong with the conversation. "That's... what SHE said!" she gasped. Turning to Alielle, she said- "Will you excuse me for just a second?" Fatora tore out of the bedroom, along the corridor, down the stairs, across the hallway, out of the palace and back up to the fountain where Formyka and her servants were still standing. "What do you MEAN, Happy Damach?" Fatora demanded. "Do you mean to tell me you KNEW about this all along?" "So what if I did?" Formyka smirked. "All it did was make the test more conclusive. If you were really half as debauched as you claim, you'd have found a way to have sex behind Alielle's back. But you failed, as I knew you would. Face it, you're a serial monogamist who should leave debauchery to the professionals." "Your test wasn't fair!" Fatora growled. "But you agreed to it," Formyka reminded her. "You can't do anything about it now." "No, maybe I can't," Fatora said. "But I can do... THIS!" Fatora pushed Formyka backwards. She fell into the fountain with a satisfying splash. "Sorry," Fatora said. "I know it's very immature, but it was the best I could come up with at such short notice." Nanami's attempt to cash in on Damach had worked unbelievably well. So well, in fact, that the Shinonome Diner had quickly become a gathering place for followers from all over Florestica. Tonight, as Damach drew to a close, the restaurant was packed with customers awaiting the coming of the lights. 'Awaiting' was probably the wrong word, as everybody knew they wouldn't actually be able to see the lights, but that didn't seem to matter. One of the priestesses had even been invited to speak at the gathering. There was a festive atmosphere and a decidely unholy amount of alcohol being consumed, so much so that few people noticed the incongruous presence of Princess Fatora amongst them. "Congratulations," Nanami said. "You managed the full two weeks. You must be proud." Fatora shrugged. "I feel like a virgin again." "What? New and refreshed?" "No, frustrated and resentful. I have to wonder, though. Why did you go to so much effort to keep me from having sex?" Nanami smiled. "Well, as weird as the two of you are, I know that you love each other. You really do care about Alielle, even if you're sometimes too proud to show it. And I'd hate to see it all end just because you were too stupid to communicate your feelings." "Thanks," Fatora said. "I... hey, did you just call me stupid?" Alielle ran over excitedly. "Fatora, isn't this great? Everyone's here!" She pointed to Shayla-Shayla and Mr Fujisawa, who were in the middle of a ferocious drinking competition. "What are they doing here?" Fatora asked. "They heard there was a party with booze," Nanami replied. "Hey, I'd better go and see if they need a refill." Nanami began to negotiate her way back through the crowd. Alielle pulled Fatora closer to her and smiled. "I'm very grateful, Fatora," she said. "You didn't have to do this. Especially since you had that competition with Princess Formyka." "What? Did you know about that?" "Yes, of course. Formyka told me." "I see," Fatora frowned. "What a bitch. Well, there's no point worrying about it now." "Excuse me," said a voice from the front. Afura Mann did her best to address the crowd, but it was much too noisy. Eventually she flew about ten feet into the air and hovered there, which seemed to get their attention. "Right now, in the Southern Nations, the lights of Damach are appearing," Afura said, silhouetted against the night sky. "The lights are a symbol of mystery, of all that we have yet to discover about the universe." Fatora and Alielle were joined by Nanami, Shayla and Fujisawa. Afura continued. "Even though the lights cannot be seen in Roshtaria, they are still..." She was interrupted by a collective gasp from the crowd. Deciding that they probably knew something she didn't, she looked over her shoulder. "Oh," she said, noticing the lights. "How strange." Ripples of white, green and magenta light danced in the black sky above them. For a short while the crowd was silent. "The aurora borealis," Fujisawa said quietly. "Excuse me?" Fatora replied. "The Northern Lights. There's a phenomenon just like this on Earth." "I wonder why we can see the lights here?" Alielle whispered. "Well, back on Earth, the Northern Lights were usually only visible around the North Pole," Fujisawa recalled. " But just occasionally, freak weather conditions could take them further south. I guess the same must apply here." Alielle stared in awe at the display. After a few minutes of contemplation, she turned to Fatora. "To start with, I wanted to be back home for Damach so badly," she said. "I was sure that nobody here would understand, and I'd have a miserable time on my own. But instead..." she pointed to the lights, "I was here for this. The first time the lights have ever appeared in Roshtaria, and I was here to see it. I'm glad I spent my first Damach with you, Fatora. You've been so patient and understanding... and now, at last, I can pay you back." "What do you mean?" Fatora asked. "Damach's over," Alielle smiled. "And you know what that means..." "Oh, I see," Fatora said, catching on. "Yeah, some of that would be nice..." She glanced up at the sky. It was a curious sight- and, perhaps, the only time such a phenomenon would ever be seen in Roshtaria. "Maybe later," she said. "Let's watch the lights for a while longer." Alielle said nothing. She just stood on tiptoes and kissed Fatora. As Nanami watched this, something occurred to her. She quietly slipped away into the back room of the restaurant. It was the early hours before Alielle and Fatora finally returned to the palace. When they reached the gates, Nanami was waiting for them. "I have a surprise for you," she said enigmatically. Nanami led the mystified couple into the palace, and up into the guest quarters. She pointed to Formyka's room. "In there." Fatora opened the door to see a scene of devastation. The floor was strewn with discarded bottles and toppled furniture. Formyka and her female servant lay inebriated on the bed. "What happened here?" Fatora whispered. "I sent Formyka a little present," Nanami replied. "Six cases of Old Acrisian. The results... you can see for yourself." "You got her drunk on purpose? Why?" "Well, you tried so hard to do the right thing these past two weeks. I thought it'd be wrong to let Formyka have the last laugh." She grinned. "Think about it. What would freak her out more than anything?" "Oh yeah!" Fatora smiled. "Well done, Nanami. Come on, Alielle!" She kicked a bundle of sheets out of the way, which moaned in response. "Oh," she said, looking down at Formyka's male servant. "I was wondering where you'd got to." "Damn," Formyka mumbled. "That stuff is lethal..." She opened her eyes and did her best to focus. "Hey, Number One. Get up. We have to leave as soon as possible. Before Fatora gets the chance to..." She trailed off as she realised that Number One wasn't the only person in bed with her. "Good morning!" Alielle and Fatora said in unison. "N... no..." Formyka stammered. "No way. I couldn't have slept with YOU... I'd have remembered!" "Are you saying you forgot?" Fatora asked, pretending to be upset. "Now that's just rude." "Not to mention surprising," Alielle added. "After all, it was Lady Formyka's idea in the first place." "No! This is wrong! All wrong!" Formyka said, confused. "Fatora, look... I was drunk, okay? It must have affected my judgement. I'd never have sex with you under normal circumstances..." "Whatever," Fatora interrupted. "But it looks like I managed to complete your challenge. Three women. Alielle, you, and..." she pointed to Number One, "...whoever she is." Formyka staggered out of the bed. "Okay, fine," she said. "You win." She headed for the door. "Now I'm leaving. This is too weird for me." Formyka ran out of the room. Laughter could be heard from outside. A few seconds later she came back. "You might have mentioned I was still in my underwear," Formyka hissed. "It was a pleasure having you here, Princess Formyka," Rune smiled. "Yeah, thanks," Formyka said, then turned to Fatora. "You know, you take competitions way too seriously." Formyka, accompanied by her servants, stomped away to the waiting transport. Rune looked at Fatora. "Fatora, I know it's none of my business, but there is a rumour that you..." "Slept with Formyka?" "Is it true?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah." "REALLY?" "No," Fatora laughed. "I do have SOME standards, sis." Alielle ran over. "Hi, Fatora!" "Oh, Alielle," Fatora acknowledged. "Thank God. Now at last we can all get back to our normal, hedonistic lives." "There is a legend, you know," Alielle said. "If a couple follow Damach closely, and then kiss beneath the lights... they will remain in love forever." "That's so nice," Fatora replied. "Unfortunately, I... had something to eat on the first day. Sorry." "So did I," Alielle confessed. "It probably doesn't matter. And even if it does..." She smiled. "There's always next year." "What? Next year? Aw, crap..." "And the year after that, and the year after that..." THE END Fatora's moral of the story: "Love hurts. And not always in a fun, dominatrix kind of way." All El-Hazard characters are property of Pioneer/AIC. The story is property of me- Dookychan, biographer to the princess. Nobody, however, has yet claimed responsibility for Formyka... NOTES: "Don't worry me, or hurry me, blow me far away to the Northern Lites..." And if you recognise that lyric, you are cool beyond comparison. I know this chapter took a lot longer than expected, but I had exams, and also I wanted to get Shape of Things to Come off the ground. This story is the last to occur before Alternative World. Chapter Six happens after it, and will feature Parnasse and Qawoor. The title (which may change) is "Love, Roshtarian Style." After having a bit of drama and romance, it'll back to silly comedy for this one. Sillier even than "Protection." Meanwhile, Chapter Seven is tentatively titled "Twisted Sister." Thanks to all from the El-Hazard ML, to the Prince of Light for, you know, most stuff, and to everyone's favourite proofreader, Firebird. Until next time, just remember- "We're all susceptible to the incredible." =Dookychan= (spookydooky@hotmail.com) 28th July 2001
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