Equals
Some days I wonder what I did to deserve her.
She is everything I dreamed, that day when I finally got fed up with
wanting and just took. I suspected that day that we could compliment
each other, challenge each other. That we'd be good partners. But I
never imagined this.
She really *is* my partner. The thing is, when you expect a thing to be
wonderful in its difficulty, you don't really believe it's going to be;
you don't really think about what it's going to *feel* like when you
have your first argument about who is too protective and who gets to be
in charge of what and who gets to do what in bed. It's hard. You knew it
would be hard, you were looking forward to it, you were *banking* on it,
and yet when it happens, it's somehow a complete shock.
The worst is that Noin always wants to pilot the plane.
Honestly, though, I would take this one infuriating woman over any
doting lover the world could offer me. I love her strength; I think some
part of me needs the challenge of it, like I need air. Even though she
can be so annoying at times... at least I have to respect her. I have
never respected a lover before. They all let me rule them.
But once I helped her figure out that passive, "Zechs, it's been X years
and Y days"-style infatuation wasn't truly her, she wouldn't go back to
being a doormat, even for me, even when I thought I wanted her to. She
just juts out that adorable obstinate chin and gives me the "Sally,
*NO*" look. Or the "Sally, it's *MY* turn" look.
Or the goddamned "Sally, *I*'m flying the plane" look....
Heh. Anyway. I love her. I do. She knows what I need, like no one else
has ever understood it. From a friend, from an ally, from a lover. Some
few people have managed the first or the second one, but even they
haven't ever really gotten the third. Noin does.
It's so funny... all my other lovers, and they have all been women, have
told me the sex was great. They all enjoyed it. But none of them ever
really *got* it. How much I need to be inside. Oh, any woman loves a
girlfriend who's even crazier about fucking than she is about being
fucked, sure. It's to her advantage, so why question it?
Noin questions it. And she understands it, how I sometimes look at her
and I need to, I need so badly to be on top of her, to kiss her neck,
and most of all to have my fingers deep, deep inside her. I've always
been that way, but it's even more with her, because I love her. It's so
hard to control sometimes... having her pinned safely beneath my body,
it makes me feel secure. It's the only way to keep the world from
tilting and spinning crazily, sometimes. I feel my heart beating
erratically in my chest, and I'm weak and hollow, and I need to know
she's beneath me, and she can't leave me. And I need to be inside.
Inside, stroking, watching her face and making her scream and then
making her come, and knowing that she's panting for me, that it's me and
no one else that did it, that she's at my mercy. I need that.
Sometimes she gives it to me, and sometimes she doesn't. Those times,
she makes me wait, or does me first, before she'll let me do anything.
Or she'll just put her arms around me and hold me for a long time, lying
together on the bed with all our clothes on, me rocking slightly against
her leg and whimpering. It's torture. And she looks into my eyes, and
sees me, and knows. But she won't be my fuck toy just because it's fun,
or let my control games get out of hand. She knows that would wreck us.
So sometimes, she says no, and lets me need.
Just like I used to slap her, so that she could slap back. So it
wouldn't wreck us.
Because it's so rare in this world to find someone who's different from
you and yet your equal in every way; equal in fighting, in leading, in
flying, in love. Our subordinates are terrified of us. I am the luckiest
woman alive, and only we two know it, because we are perfectly matched.
So I'm glad it's hard; it's worth the difficulty for the challenge she
presents.
I just wish once, just once, she would let me fly the damn plane.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know about you guys, but Tekka and I were extremely proud of
Noin in this fic. Even if she doesn't give Sally her fair share of
flight time....
Noin: Oi! I'm the fighter pilot! It's only fair!
Sally: I *can* fly a plane too, you know. ::grinds teeth:: Sweetie.
Noin: Yeah, Sal, but this is what I was born to do. This is my
profession, you know? You're a doctor. Do I ever try to take over the
med kit when you want to examine somebody?
Sally: But-- ::sighs:: Never mind. I give up. I just give up.
Noin: ::beams:: Love you, koi!
~~Cutter
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