Left behind… It's late, well after midnight I suppose. The wedding was a success, Squall to Rinoa, Selphie to Irvine, a joyous affair to be certain. The sound of their laughter echoes in the dance hall, and yet it pains me. I should be happy for them, and in a way I guess I am. But what about us, We deserved such happiness, you deserved such happiness. Perhaps I should leave this place, leave everything behind, until we are together again. I miss you; I miss the sound of your voice, the gentle touch of your hands, the love you've given me during our short time together. Squall and the others, they tell me that everything will be okay. They do it out of pity I suppose, damn them. Not that it matters though, I'm still alone and you are gone. You didn't deserve this, it’s not right and it's not fair. Whenever I walk the halls, people point and stare, more so now than when you walked beside me. Their hushed whispers of remorse and pity assail my ears like restless spirits. None ever speak to my face though, thinking it best to leave me to my misery and I prefer it that way. Once, I was acknowledged at least, but now I'm like a bad memory, existing but ignored. I've come so far only to become a reminder of all the pain we've all had to endure and I can't help but hate them for it. True, those closest to me have tried to help, but what can they do? I still can't believe you left me behind. After all we’ve been through together. We were one. No, that is selfish of me, I know you're still with me, I have to believe that, I have to believe that. "Faith, I don't know if I have any..." Now though, because of you, and all you've thought me. I can allow myself to hope. "I wonder what will become of me...?" "It doesn't matter I realize, so long as you're in my heart." I take a breath and the cold air stings my lungs. Leaning on the railing, I watch the frozen landscape drift beneath me. Fully restored, Balamb Garden drifted quietly over the snow-covered fields, north of Esthar. It's a beautiful sight, the ice sparkling like a sea of gems under the Garden's lights. "Alone" My thoughts race back to that again. "I'm strong, I can go on without you." "It's a lie, I need you... more than ever..." **************************** The vows said and the ceremonies completed. The newlyweds as well as their guests now tended to the simple matter of celebration. It was somewhat late into the evening when the brides remembered to toss their bouquets. Rinoa and Selphie standing side by side, gigged madly as a swarm of eligible young women swarmed behind them. In unison, the two women threw their bouquets over their shoulder. Considering that the majority of the girls had already had a few drinks by this time, it was of little surprise when chaos ensued. When the dust settled one young woman from Trabia held aloft one mangled bouquet, while Celest fiercely claimed the other. "Yahoo!" She shouted loudly, dancing victoriously. "Now why doesn't that surprise me." Irvine sighed, hiding his face behind his hand. "Yup, she's your kin." Zell said in a hayseed accent. The two men stood nearby watching the festivities as several guests began to retire for the evening. "Party is dying down." Laguna noted. He was slightly flush and Ward and Kiros stood nearby making sure their noted and renown president didn't make a fool of himself while drinking. "Looks like it." Squall sighed. Looking about. Celest skipped over merrily with bouquet in hand. Rinoa and Selphie were following behind her, still giggling madly at each other. "This looks like trouble." Irvine mumbled. "Well boys it's you're turn." Celest said saucily. "Huh...?" Zell questioned. "Here we go." Irvine sighed. "Celest what are you doing?" "Boys! Gather around!" Celest hollered, getting the remaining guests attention. Sure enough, the majority of the men moved in curiously. "Um what are you doing." Rinoa said worriedly. Celest answered her by leaning over to grab at her dress. "Hey let go of me!" Rinoa screeched in surprise. "Time to toss the garter! Hey Squall come here!" Celest giggled, trying to hike up the other woman's dress. "What the hell are you doin!" Squall blurted, moving forward. "It's tradition, calm down." Cid laughed. "Celest, I think Rinoa can handle that herself." "Sure thing Cidney." Celest giggled, tossing him a salute. "Cidney..." Cid mouthed, as if saying it tasted bad. "She's drunk." Zell pointed out. "You think." Nicole grinned, pushing through the crowd to see what the fuss was about. "You're all insane." Rinoa huffed. "I was wondering why you had us wear those." "Oh live a little." Selphie giggled, sitting down in the floor and raising her leg. "Irvy poo, would you mind." "What are you doing?" Rinoa paled. Zone exploded into nervous laughter as Irvine walked forward with a shrug. "I wish I had a camera." Zell grinned. Answering his request, Nicole whipped out a camcorder as Irvine knelt to slide the garter off Selphie's thigh. "Well son, go to it." Laguna chuckled, clapping Squall on the back. "Hey!?" Squall grumbled. "This is silly." Rinoa sighed, propping her leg up a chair and raising her dress. "You're telling me." Squall mumbled as he walked forward, blushing profusely. He looked down at Rinoa's leg and gulped. "Well go on silly, everyone is staring." Rinoa prodded. "That’s the problem." Squall said nervously. "Oh quit being a stick in the mud!" Selphie shouted. "I'll do it!" Zell shouted before being belted by Nicole. "I think I can handle it." Squall shot back. Without further fuss he leaned forward and carefully slipped the garter loose. "Okay now what." He asked, holding it up. "Ya do this." Irvine chuckled, firing his garter into the air like a slingshot. Men scrambled in a mad dash, elbowing and shoving each other out of the way. Squall's eyes went wide at the display. "Wait for me!" Zell laughed, and jumped into the dog pile. "This is stupid." Squall groaned and just tossed the garter to Zone who just happened to be nearby. Looking down at his prize, Zone made a nervous gurgling noise before shuffling off in a daze. "Oh, dear...." Watts sighed, rubbing his brow in worry. "Great, that's just great!" Rinoa said, punching Squall in the arm. "He's been after my underwear since we were in middle school and you just give it to him!" She blurted, punching him again. "How was I supposed to know that!?" Squall shirked, moving out of arms reach. "Hyne this is great." Zell sighed, throwing an arm around Nicole, who leaned against him snugly. "Yeah it is." She smiled watching the fiasco unfold. "Quistis and Fujin should be here." Xu said quietly, standing nearby, watching Nida make a proper fool out of himself trying to get Selphie's garter. Cid moved towards her and coughed slightly to get her attention. "Huh?" She said, looking curiously. Cid simply pointed towards the balcony, where a silhouette could be seen outside. "Oh wow, she came..." Xu breathed, a soft smile playing across her lips. "When?" She asked, watching the figure. "She arrived after the ceremony started, she was sitting in the back, away from everyone." Cid answered as a look of sorrow crossed his face. "Poor thing, it must have been hard..." Xu frowned. "I know, I'm glad she came, I was worried that she wouldn't" "Me too... Have you talked to her, does anyone else know?" "Just Rinoa and Selphie, I figured they'd be happy to know she came. I didn't want to tell anyone else so they wouldn't trouble her. As for talking to her...." Cid said quietly. "She hasn't talked to anyone since going berserk when we found them." "Don't remind me.... That was horrible, poor thing...." Xu sniffed, her expression tightening as she pushed away the memory. "I'm um...going to go talk to her..." She said quietly. Cid didn't protest and nodded knowingly. "Be careful, don't upset her, but do, give her my best." He called out as Xu made her way towards the balcony. Opening the glass door she gasped as the cold air stole her breath. She was surprised to find herself alone and nearly thought the worst. "Oh, no." She mumbled in fright, hurrying to the edge of the balcony. She sensed a presence behind her and she spun around to see someone in the shadows. "Hyne..." She gasped, putting a hand on her chest. "You scared me to death... I thought..." She thought it best not to finish the statement. "Are you okay?" No response was forthcoming and Xu moved closer. "Everyone's glad you came. I mean, I know it must've been hard on you." The figure moved forward and regarded her with a dark and weary gaze. "Oh...look at you." Xu said quietly, feeling tears begin to swell. "You look like haven't slept in weeks. You can't keep secluding yourself like this..." "leave me..." The figure whispered in a tone so cold and quiet it could've been whispered by a ghost. "I figured you'd say that..." Xu sighed, wiping her eyes. "But damn it, I'm not going to. You need help. I know you're hurting hon, we all are, but you don't have to suffer alone. You can't keep this up; you're killing yourself..." She said in exasperation then frowned gravely. "Unless that’s what you want...." She added in a dark tone. Again no response was forthcoming; not that she needed one. "You can't give up. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to us and it sure as hell isn't fair to her!" Xu proclaimed, jabbing a finger into the other woman's chest. Her companion said nothing but simply turned and left at a brisk pace. Zell and Nicole noticed Xu go outside and went to investigate only to be nearly bowled over as Xu and her companion rushed from the balcony. "Oh hey, you came!" Zell shouted cheerfully, smiling broadly only to be ignored. "Hey..." He murmured sadly as Nicole put an arm around his slumped shoulders. "She didn't mean it hon." Nicole whispered, hugging him. "I know. Still, that’s awfully cold." He sighed. Xu gave up the chase and turned to look at Zell regretfully. "It'll be okay. She'll come around." She offered with in a somewhat unconvincing tone. "I hope you're right..." He mumbled quietly. ******************* The apartment was a lonely place, rushing in she shut the door and fell against it sobbing quietly. Reduced to nothing more than a lost, frightened little girl. She hated herself. Hated her self for falling apart when she needed strength the most. "come back to me..." She whispered between choking, burning tears. Though time had passed, the wounds still burned as vividly as ever. She felt shame, shame at how she'd fallen apart. "What would you think if you saw me now...." She wondered to herself. Pulling herself to her feet, she got undressed and staggered to the bedroom and fell atop the bed, tears still wet, on her face. She lay there, for a long while, letting herself remember when the two of them shared the bed, remembering the comforting warmth of her body next to hers. "You've things to do...Stop torturing yourself." She scolded herself mentally. Sniffing lightly she sat up and took a calming breath as she tried to focus her mind once more. "Yes, things to do..." ****************** "Thanks for letting me fly you guys out." Zell said cheerfully as he led the newlyweds into the hanger. "No choice." Squall shrugged. "You're the only one who hasn't been drinking tonight." "Yeah well, you know what I say." "My body is a temple." Selphie and Irvine said in mocking unison. "Hey, lay off it." Zell grumbled, hitting the panel that lowered the Ragnarok's gangplank. "I heard about your run in earlier." Rinoa said quietly to Zell as they made their way inside the ship. "She didn't mean to be so rude." "I know, I know, I understand, really." Zell assured her with a smile. "Anyway, back to happier things. I bet you guys are happy excited about going on your honeymoons." "I can't wait to get back to Deling City, it's marvelous in the winter." Irvine crowed. "Not that I plan to leave the hotel much." He winked. "Oh no." Selphie scowled, shaking her head. "Little late for that, and it's that kind of thinking that got me like this!" "I was kidding." Irvine blurted, throwing up his hands. Squall blushed and shook his head. "I can't wait personally." Rinoa giggled, throwing her arms around Squall and kissing him passionately, causing him to blush further. "Hey, hey, hey!" Zell shouted, covering his eyes. "Save that stuff for the resort, sheesh." "Are you sure going into space is a good idea?" Selphie asked, looking skeptically at Rinoa. "I mean it's not to late to change your mind, the hotel has plenty of vacancies, that and the theater troupes are in town. Lots of big shows and famous plays to see!" "Ellone said the new orbital resort is amazing. Besides, I'd like to go back up there and see the stars without some lunatic in my head." "Like that changed anything..." Squall mumbled into his palm. "It think we'll have fun." Rinoa finished, then popped Squall in the back of the head. *********************** It was the wee hours of the morning when the piercing ring of her pager woke Xu out of her party induced slumber. Nida too sat up blurry eyed and wild looking, the evening, having not been kind to his hair. "Who the hell is beeping..." Nida grumbled. "It's me..." Xu sighed. She'd been left in charge of things while Squall was away. "Good." Nida grumbled then crashed back into his pillow. "Ass." Xu sighed, shoving him slightly as she slipped out of bed. She danced about cursing under her breath the moment her feet hit the cold floor. After making her way to the phone, she dialed the emergency number to the bridge. "What!" She asked sourly when the line connected. "What!? Who!? Damn it, okay, I'll be right there?" She sputtered angrily, hanging up the phone. "Guess who is demanding we land so that they can come aboard?" She said sourly to Nida who was snoring blissfully. "Don't care..." He mumbled, waking slightly. "Seifer..." "Sucks to be you." He chuckled, burying his head under the pillows. ******************** "Put that thing away kid before I whip you with it." Seifer growled at the security guard pointing a rifle at him. "At ease..." Xu called out as she made her way into the dock. She had agreed to land Balamb long enough to hear him out, however she wasn't about to let him cause trouble, especially this late at night. "Nice robe." Seifer snorted, nodding to the sandals and indigo housecoat Xu sported. "Thank you, and I sincerely hope you didn't come here just to say that. If so, I'll be sorely disappointed." "You know why I'm here." "Yes I do, and that’s why I'm not letting you pass. I don't need you stirring up bad memories, especially not now." "I should have been here, I could have stopped this." Seifer frowned. "Perhaps, perhaps not, no use driving yourself crazy thinking about it. Look at you, you look like shit. Is this how you were going to make amends." "This isn't about me. I'm not important anymore." "Damn right." "This, lets hate Seifer routine is getting old. Are you going to let me by or not?" "Its late Seifer, everyone is tired from the wedding...Look, I'll give you a room, and we can talk about in the morning." "Wedding?" Seifer blinked. "Yeah, Rinoa and Squall, Selphie and Irvine. Look, don't cause trouble tonight and I may let you talk to her. Not that it'd do any good. She won't talk to anyone. Besides, what would you have her say?" "Hold on." Seifer paused. "Married?" "Yeah." "No invitation huh." He frowned. "Not that I know of." "Oh well." He shrugged, running a hand through his grungy hair. "Fine, give me a room, I'll wait until morning. I could use a bath anyway." "Yeah, yeah you could." Xu huffed, gesturing him to follow. ********************** She had just prepared to leave the apartment when a knock sounded. It startled her, it was very late, and most everyone should've long been asleep. With a heavy sigh she looked down and shook her head. "Why won't they leave me alone?" Taking a deep breath to steady herself she went to the door. After pausing a moment she pulled the door open. Who she saw made her shoulders slump; she didn't have the strength to deal with him now. Seifer had little trouble sneaking out after Xu left him, he overpowered the guards and was prepared to face any challenge but nothing prepared him for what he saw. He stood silently a moment seemingly in shock at seeing her so gaunt and hollow. With a look of disgust, she moved to shut the door in his face, only to have him stop her. He was surprised at how easy it was to push her back as he made his way inside. Shutting the door behind him, he regarded her sadly. "Fu..." He whispered.
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