Sweet Nothings "Honey, now if I'm honest I still don't know what love is..." The Other Side, David Gray ------------------------------------ True to the word of the mechanic in Cosmo Canyon, the buggy was up and running as good as before, if not better. He and the hulking muscle mass that was Barrett talked for a while about engines, oils and petrol types. She purposefully didn't pay them too much attention, riveted on writing in her little journal with her cramped if neat writing. Sometimes, either one of Cloud, Yuffie or Tifa would try and casually walk close to peer at what it was she committed to paper, but each time she shooed them away with a little swipe of her staff, handily laid out by her. When the mechanic finally left and Barrett spent a few more minutes discussing minor seating arrangements, they all crammed back into the buggy with far less success than they had some days: most of which was blamed on Yuffie's sticky fingered acquisition of anything not nailed down. Anything on fire was reasonable fair game, as long as an extinguisher was close to hand. Aerith found her self, much to an extended fit of giggles, squished between Red who kept huffing at her elbow when the vehicle jolted them about unmercifully, and Cloud who kept trying to hold her hand, much to the distraught glares of Tifa. On the second day, Tifa elbowed Cloud from the way and claimed the spot by Aerith with Red, still being elbowed in the nose no matter how much she tried to apologise for motions that weren't her own. Typically, Tifa took this time to stand on Cloud's foot if he so much as tried to worm his way closer and casually laid her arm behind Aerith's shoulders in a 'she's mine' motion. Aerith wasn't entirely dense when it came to matters of the heart, she knew that something was happening between Tifa and Cloud, leaving her stuck in the middle of it all, wondering if it was safe for her to even go to the bathroom unsupervised. Scratch that; they'd both insist on being watched the entire time she was away. It was starting to feel somewhat like being a prisoner of war, only she wasn't sure what the war was about, what started it or how the war would end. So on the third day, she escaped them both to sit between Cait and Barrett in the front, when the canyon desert faded and grass suddenly started. It was a pale, dry affair to begin with, the grass looking as though it struggled to live every second, but soon the lush green she mentally associated with the rolling countryside opened up. The grass was thick, deep and dotted with rapeseed grass, dandelions and wildflowers. She put her hands on the dash of the buggy in excitement. "Wow, look, how pretty even if it's so late in the year!" Everyone moved to see through a window, the cries of Yuffie from behind as Red got in her way and the subsequent growling match between them for a view. Tifa and Cloud remained silent, until Tifa said in her quietest voice that chilled Aerith's heart, "Yeah, Nibelheim always was pretty this time of year." "Nibelheim, getting close to your hometown, eh? Y'sure Sephiroth's gonna be there?" Barrett called from the front. She twisted to try and see the faces of both residents of the destroyed, haunted town; marginally surprised to see almost mirror replica expressions on both their faces, Tifa looking out of the window to the distant mountains and Cloud bending his head so his hair seemed grimy, not as brightly blond as usual. "He's there." "Awright... getting kind of dark, we ain't making that town today, whatever is left of it, that is. Best we all jes' camp down fer the night. Red, yo, get out and lope alongside, will yeh? Makes finding somewhere to sleep better, y'know?" "Do I look like a pet?" the red furred creature growled. "No, but you look like you know the area better than us. Get out, go on!" Red snarled but did get out, after putting a paw heavily on Yuffie's hand. She muffled a gasp and clutched her hand close to her chest with a whimper, "Like, ow? Clumsy..." "Not clumsy," he panted through the open window, voice carrying easily in the descending twilight, "I did it on purpose." "Why you sneaky little-" she fumed, but Barrett was laughing and soon even the others relaxed their dark moods, to enjoy the merriment of the moment. Aerith slumped down a little, relieved that the tension in the buggy had gone down. Yuffie sat back too, folding her arms and pouting viciously, "Fine, laugh then, when I vomit down your neck it won't be so funny." "Jeez, take a joke!" Cait chirped. "Oh shut up." "Hey." She said, pointing at where Red had finally loped to a standstill, and then to the mountain range, "That's really impressive. Stop the car, I think we found somewhere to camp out." She twitched at her necklace, looking from the corner of her eye, past her heavy golden brown bangs to where Tifa and Cloud were both staring at the mountains. The buggy thrummed to a halt and slowly everyone clambered out by the small grove of trees, apart from Yuffie who took this opportune moment to sink to the floor, trying to gulp in air to calm her travel sickness. Aerith tilted her head to get a better look at the mountains, and then was joined by the others. She shaded her eyes with a hand held to her forehead, feeling small and somewhat in awe looking up at the expanse of majestic rock. It was dark purple already, by the evening, it would be darker still, and the peaks dotted white they reached that high up. "Wow," she said. "Everyone says that," Cloud murmured sadly, "People used to come from miles around to stand on the highest peak in the world, the tallest mountain. Now, it's nothing, there's nothing left." "Nothing at all?" Aerith queried, looking across to Tifa, then back to Cloud. Both wore grim masks of determination. "Not even the pathways, bridges?" "Probably not." "But," Tifa chimed in, "I'll find us a way. I grew up spelunking, so this should pose no problem to me. But we should think about setting up camp. Could you get us the water today, Aerith?" A little surprised, as normally she was the one to set up the fire and cooking, the ancient nodded and followed them towards the buggy, picking out the canister and moving away, to the trickle of a stream that splashed and hissed close by. All the while, the oppressive mountains loomed over her, and she couldn't help but think of the faceless terror that had been ShinRa... ------------------------------------ The corridors were flung in all directions, tilted badly and confusing, like a maze for a lab rat that she fled down, running her fingers along the walls, looking for the memories embedded in the soft crumbling plaster and the dirt streak paint, the peeling wallpaper that was no longer fashionable. The rooms contained beds and bracken and broken equipment that half glowed with memories of power and memories of evil things. She came to the staircase that spiralled down, but with courage in her every step, she soldiered down them, feeling fingers touching the walls still of this singular world; the cobbles and the mortar crumbling under her fingertips as she passed. The screams were coming from the bottom. Soon she alighted, soft like a feather, into the darkness and stared down the hallway to the door at the far end. Swallowing, she clasped her necklace and moved in closer to the doorway, where the jamb rattled and the knob shook, feverishly. Trying hard to keep her wits, she grasped the handle and turned it clockwise, opening the door. Inside was a library mixed closely with that of a laboratory and she entered, step by step, careful not to disturb the dust, heading in curiosity for the glowing green tanks where two people hung suspended in the watery substance. Each work a face mask, designed to feed them oxygen no doubt, both figures were male and very naked, but she paid that no attention, leaning in closer instead to the tank to try and read the words scratched there. F...r...e...e... Free? She turned away to leave and explore the library, but a hand shot out from behind her and dragged her round; nothing could quell the scream rising in her throat as Zack, her poor beloved, missing Zack stared sightlessly at her with completely white eyes, naked and dripping with the green water, his dark hair plastered down his neck and shoulders. "Aerith, free me," he gurgled and pushed her as she flailed and screamed, trying to hold onto him, trying to stay upright, or perhaps trying to escape. She waited for the dull thud of her fragile body hitting the floorboards, but there was a splash and then she was sinking, into water, into cool blue water where her hair misted up in strands above her, her clothes, her arms leaden and lifeless. She sank, or floated; she was not sure which, but her scream was soundless and the tears in her eyes vanishing with each blink of her eyes in the painful, sweet water. "Forgive me," she mouthed as there was less light, bit by bit, until...nothing... ---------------------------------- She came awake with a start, surprised to see that Tifa was half crouched over her in the darkness, both their sleeping bags close by one another. Her face flamed as she realised Tifa wasn't exactly going to win any awards for wearing a lot to bed, but then, she didn't particularly pile the clothes on earlier. Her hand came up shakily to rub her throat, a small laugh eking out. "You were screaming," Tifa said in her quiet voice, calm voice; the voice Aerith had grown not only accustomed to, but the voice of reason in all the madness. Her hand helped stroke down some of Aerith's hair, mussed from the thrashing she'd done when asleep, "Was it a bad dream." "Just a weird dream. Tifa, is there a mansion with a staircase inside it, in Nibelheim?" "...We have a mansion, what kind of stairs?" "Spiralling, downwards." "No, nothing like that, sorry. Why, was it in your dream?" Aerith knuckled at her eyes, "Yes, it was. There was a library and there was..." Zack. Begging me to help him... "...there was..." Water. Always that water... what does it mean? "...Zack." Her voice broke and she started crying, suddenly Tifa was drawing her in close and she sobbed onto the girls shoulder, feeling all broken up for things beyond her control. "The dreams have never been this awful, Teef," she confessed. "Dreams? Do you have them often?" "Sometimes... I dream of water. Always water," she gave a little laugh through the storm of tears, "You'd think it'd make some sense if I was even a touch hydrophobic, but I'm not, not in the slightest. I like swimming. But this water, it's different, it's choking me." The fighter frowned, a slight furrow appearing between otherwise perfectly tended eyebrows; reminded Aerith in one of those weird roundabout ways, that she should do some primping at some point; "How long have you been having those dreams? The ones with water." Be truthful. "Ever since I saw my mother die, my real mother. I... keep wondering if the Planet is trying to tell me something that's too painful for it to simply tell me with words." "Have you spoken, with the Planet, recently?" She stared down at Tifa's collarbone, head nestled on her shoulder. "A little. It sometimes tells me about Sephiroth, sometimes tells me that I have to do certain things... sometimes, recently, it's been asking me if I'm ready." Aerith squeezed her eyes shut, the pain of the force behind the motion felt good, bizarrely, "I don't know what it means. I must sound so completely crazy to you." "No, not crazy, just different." "Haha, different... I like that." "So do I," the taller girl breathed sadly, then continued as Aerith tried to ponder on what that curious little phrase tried to convey. "You know, Cloud is in love with you." She betrayed herself by blushing heatedly, the broken little chuckle from Tifa confirming that she had noticed the sudden change in temperature against her shoulder. Aerith clutched her hands together, wondering what she should say to something like that, or if she should even try saying anything at all. It didn't seem to be the right time for anything to be said by her, not yet. "I..." "It's alright," murmured Tifa, "I know. But... did you also know..." I can hear her heart pounding, thud, thud, thud - I'm amazed it hasn't broken her ribs. "I mean," the other swallowed her words, trying to fumble something out; "I'm not so good, with myself. I feel sometimes... that... I'm someone else inside, or more precisely, everything I want to be, I'm not right now, because I don't know how to say it quite right. But if it's you, I don't mind messing my words up, because, you know, you're you... so I wanted to, that is, I... you see..." "Tifa?" "...tell you, that... I ... I..." She gave a kind of infuriated half sob, likely with herself, and forced out, "I love you." "...Oh..." was the limit of Aerith's vocabulary right now. She wouldn't have found the will to say much else; it was a surprise but, not as much of a surprise as it should have been. Thinking back, there were those strange sensations in the pit of her stomach whenever she had been close by either Tifa or Cloud, only she'd overlooked it as a destiny thing, Planet calling her to a change in scenery. Not that it would... Love. "You don't have to say anything," Tifa stumbled right on, stuttering like a madwoman, "I mean, it's a bit confusing, I suppose, well, it is, no suppose about it. Just... Just look at me, and see me, Aerith. Look at what you've done to me... I never thought I'd be happy again, really happy. The kind where you wake up and you smile and it's not a faked smile. That kind of happy. Because, I wake up next to you, because I spend the day with you, because you've filled a gap I didn't know I had. You're... something to me. You know? ...and... All my life, I wanted to be a ‘someone’... to a ‘somebody’. And..." Aerith felt her hand being held, an arm tightening about her fragile shoulders as Tifa struggled with something she'd spent the last few months fighting, hiding so hard; feelings and thoughts that Aerith knew she returned at least, for every moment, she looked for Tifa, she expected there to be Tifa. "...and... I want that... somebody to be you, Aerith. I want to be a ‘someone’, for you. So look upon me... kindly... please, even if you can never return my affection." There was a crack in Tifa's voice at the end, wavering uncertainty, and bitterness and jaded hope all mingled in together, "So... I'll take what I can of you, Rissy." "Teef," she mumbled, unable to think clearly right now. "I... I know, that is, t-that Cloud loves you," was she starting to cry? "And... you at least have some affection for him, but please... don't leave me out of your beautiful life... please..." Then Tifa was crying and Aerith found she was lost for words. So instead, she moved closer, her free arm sliding about Tifa to clutch the shaking body close. She shook her hand free and lifted it, brushing away tears almost as quickly as they came, "Tifa... I don't know what to think." "I'm sorry, I had to, I just had to, or I'd die... I would have... I..." "Shh," she admonished her and leant in close enough to brush her lips on Tifa's, the faintest pressure of skin; how cold Aerith was in comparison to the other girl, still laced with the aftershock of her vivid dreams, but was vaguely pleased when Tifa pressed back just as lightly into the kiss. The crying slowed as the taller girl said in tones of wonder, "Aerith?" "Shh," she breathed for the second time that night. -------------------------------------- The tent was dark as pitch still, morning hours away but she found she couldn't close her eyes. She didn't move, for that would dislodge the sleeping head tucked into her shoulder, the arm thrown across her middle and curled up her side. They slept in their seperate bags still, for after a storm of weeping; the Ancient had lain her down and kissed all that sorrow and pain away. She'd never realised it was like this, to be really in love. The agony of childhood, fleeting romance faded fast in the sudden storm of her realisation that she loved deeply. That it was a woman, it didn't matter, the loving mattered. That someone, her someone! Had accepted her whole heartedly, that was what mattered to her. Outside, nightingales warbled softly in the copse canopy and she smiled, tilting her head back with a sigh. Aerith hadn't said she loved her. But in her heart, she knew she would when she was ready to. ...and Tifa was happy enough to wait for that.
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