Author's note: Rated for language, subject matter later on, and just in case anything else comes up in this series that I have to cover myself for. This is a comedy, so turn your brains off, sit back, and relax. And yes, I stole the idea of the different earths vibrating at different speeds from pre-Crisis DC continuity. ------ "Okay, I think I've finally got this gizmo working again. I've set it so it'll open a portal just big enough for Priss to look in while not being sucked out of our universe." "Why me?" Priss protested. "Because when Dr. Raven asked for a volunteer I was smart enough to take a step back." Priss made a face at that, and then looked around. "Hey Pops, where'd Sylia go?" "Don't call me Pops. She said she had to take care of business at the Silky Doll. She'll be back soon. Now then, I need you to pay attention Priss, I..." "Huh? What did you say?" "I said I need you to pay attention! Now then, this handheld device is connected to the main system here on the oscillator. It's keyed into the DNA pattern of Nene, so it should send you directly to the universe she's in. You then use the handheld unit to find her." "Wow." Linna said, visibly impressed, "where'd you come up with something like that?" "It's an idea I developed from an article in Pseudo-Science Monthly." "'Pseudo-Science Monthly?'" Priss asked, raising an eyebrow. "Right. There's an excellent article in this month's issue on the combined effects of sensory depravation and audio-visual stimulation in causing mental breakdown by a Dr. Pearl Forester. But I digress. Put your hardsuit on Priss, and go stand on the platform." ------ Neboru Yamaguchi, the afro sporting head of the year ones at Destrade Technical High School, was sitting in the restaurant looking at the rest of his gang through his dark sunglasses. There was Nakao and Mick, his hand puppet (the fact that Nakao had a hand puppet wasn't nearly as weird as the fact that the hand puppet itself was voted the number two man in the gang). There was Jun Ishikawa, who was Noboru's punching bag; always getting beaten up by the head boss for his stupid jokes. Then there were the rest of the hangers on. Noboru didn't really want to be the head boss of his high school. Really, he wanted to be a comedian. But with his tough looks and rough demeanor, he inspired more fear than laughter. He did regularly contribute jokes by postcard to late night radio shows under the pen name "Ajishio Taro." However, he was nowhere near as good a postcard artist as the mysterious "Honey Boy" (secretly Takashi Kamiyama from rival Cromartie High School). He'd seen Honey Boy on more than one occasion, but had yet to learn his name. Today's meeting at the restaurant wasn't about comedy, though. The big inter-school cosplay event was coming up. And after a decade-long ban following the by now infamous Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend costume incident, Destrade Technical High was once again being allowed to participate. The only problem was that the actual contest was in two days. "Okay, shut up!" Yamaguchi commanded, "We need a character for the upcoming inter-school cosplay event. Any ideas?" "How about La Blue Girl?" Ishikawa offered. Yamaguchi immediately backhanded him. "You idiot! Choosing a hentai character was what got our school banned in the first place. Besides, we're an all boy school. Who the hell would play the title character?" "Forget that." Mick, the hand puppet with a chip on his shoulder, said. "Look, it's those Cromartie punks, on our turf!" Yamaguchi looked up to see Honey Boy followed by several of his fellow students from Cromartie High and... a red headed girl wearing a Groucho Marx mustache?" He blinked behind his sun glasses. No, he wasn't mistaken. There was a curvacious young woman with long red hair wearing a boy's student uniform, sporting a drawn on mustache. What's more, she was being treated like a he by the rest of the group. "Hey," he said to Ishikawa, pointing in the direction of the Cromartie gang, "you see anything weird?" Ishikawa looked hard. "Yeah, some new punk joined their group." "You want us to go rough 'em up?" Mick asked. "No, wait here. I'm going to go over and do some snooping." he said, as he snuck over to a place where he could eavesdrop on their conversation. ------ Nene was slowly being worn down by the barrage of questions and stupid requests the members of the Cromartie High School Anime Club kept sending her way. No, she wouldn't use her computer skills to remove parental blocks from the school's computers. No, she wouldn't get drunk and do a strip tease on a table. No, she didn't know why, after all the cuts, stab wounds and beatings Priss had suffered at the hands of boomers her body didn't look like a dog's chew toy. "Hey," Akira said, "Can I ask a question?" Nene slammed her forehead down on the table and let out a groan. "No, I don't think Sylia's a boomer or a sexaroid. No, I haven't gotten past level five in the fight simulator yet. And no, I never dated Linna." she groaned out, her forehead resting on the table in front of her. "Actually, I was going to ask why Sylia never enforced rule eleven." "Huh?" "Well, Linna's always got a boyfriend, which violates rule ten. Priss left the group when Sylvie died and tried to go out seeking revenge on Largo, which violates rules two and four. And you guys are always hanging out outside of your missions, which violates rule nine. So why hasn't Sylia busted a cap in your ass yet?" "Well I... she... uh..." "Wait a second; what about rule eight, where they're supposed to stay in contact? Doesn't that cancel out rule nine?" Shinjiro asked. "I bet she hasn't done anything yet in order to lull them all into a false sense of security. Then, once Genom is defeated, they'll all start dropping off under mysterious circumstances." Yutaka said. "Yeah, she'll go all assassin on them. What do you think?" Maeda asked the person sitting to his right. "I think you're all sick!" He then realized he'd asked Nene for her view. Damn that Groucho disguise worked well. ------ Yamaguchi was puzzled. Sylia? Boomers? Linna? Eleven rules? It was all obvious references to the original OVA series of Bubblegum Crisis. But why? He then took a closer look at the red head. Of course! With the cosplay event coming up, Honey Boy must've decided to do more than just find someone who looked like a character from an anime. He was training her to think like one; in this case Nene Romanova, the kawaii character from Bubblegum Crisis. It was brilliant. She would be so immersed in the character, there was no way anyone would be able to beat her. And, since Cromartie was an all boy school, what better way to disguise the girl they'd recruited (no doubt somebody's sister) than with something like a fake mustache. He had to get closer, to check this out for himself. "Look, it's that punk Noboru." Yutaka said. "Hey, let's not start any trouble" Takashi said. "What do you want?" "I see you've got a new gang member." Yamaguchi said. "What's his name?" "His name?" Yutaka asked. "It's Ne..." "...ick." Takahashi broke in. "Nick Romanov..." "...ski... avitchowski." Shinjiro put in. "Von Burger" Akira added. Everyone at the table looked at him. "So, Nick Romanovskiavitchowski Von Burger, eh?" Yamaguchi said, followed by having to take a deep breath of air after getting the name out. "You seem to be quite the expert on Bubblegum Crisis, Romano... er, Nick." Nene rolled her eyes. Why couldn't they have given the series a cool name, like "Knight Saber Quest" or "Battle Babes?" "Bubblegum Crisis" sounded like a kids show. "Um, well I guess so..." she said reluctantly, knowing what was coming next. "Good, because I have a question." "I'm sure you do." she said sarcastically. "Okay, shoot." "Do you think Nene and Mackie ever did it?" Nene was shocked. "Do I what? Mackie? He's a little perv! He's always trying to catch girls in their underwear, including his own friggin' sister. He's addicted to violent porn mangas, and, on top of everything else, he picks his nose. A lot!" "I see... Well, that's all I wanted to know." Yamaguchi said. As he turned around and made his way back to his group, he began to formulate a plan. ---Meanwhile, In Yet Another Universe--- The mood in the room was jubilant, as everyone gathered around the indoor pool to share drinks and laughs. The leader of the assembled group stood up smiling, clanging her fork against her glass to get everyone's attention. "Your attention please. Now that we've recovered our last straggler back from the Mohave Desert," she said, nodding to a very sunburned young woman wearing biker's gear, "we can finally celebrate. The world has been saved, I've got my brother back, and you're all here together again. A toast: to us." "To us." they all joined in, raising their own glasses." "Well, there was one casualty." a crestfallen young woman said, holding up the now headless remains of a stuffed weasel. "How are you able to wear leather with such a bad sunburn?" a woman with short brown hair asked the woman next to her. "A layer of bacitracin ointment between me and the clothes." she answered, trying not to move too much. "Holy crap, what's that?" The youngest one asked as the room started to shake. Suddenly the wall behind her started to glow with a strange white light. She ran away just as something started coming out toward her. It stuck out into the room from the waist up, it's lower extremities still in the light. It slowly surveyed the stunned and frightened faces staring back at it. "Hey," it said in a familiar voice, "any of you seen a ditzy redheaded twit in a pink hardsuit running around here?" No one in the room had time to answer, as the devise it was holding started to go off like a Geiger counter when it was aimed at the young blond holding the headless weasel. "Hey Pops." she yelled, tilting her head down toward the light she was coming from. "Damn it Priss, stop calling me Pops!" an angry older male voice shouted from the light. The occupants in the room quickly looked to the sunburned woman in the room with them, then back at Priss. "I thought you said this was supposed to lead us right to the little dweeb." "It is. I used a DNA sample from a strand of her hair left in her first generation hardsuit." "Well, the damn thing must've had defective DB... whatever, because it's pointing at a blond girl holding a stuffed animal, I..." Priss just then noticed something. The hair style was different, so was the color. But the face... She quickly scanned the other occupants of the room. Sure enough, the same thing. Different hair styles and modes of dressing, but the faces, they were... And the sunburned biker chick was... "Holy shit!" "Priss, what's wrong?" "Pops get me out of here!" "Priss, calm down." Linna's voice came from the light, "What's wrong?" "I'm in the twilight zone! Get me out of here!" "Are you in any immediate danger?" Dr. Raven asked. "What? Well no, not exactly, but..." "Then no." "What?" "Not until you stop calling me Pops and start calling me Dr. Raven." The occupants of the room, overhearing the conversation going on, slowly began to recover from their shock. The silver haired leader of the group slowly, cautiously began making her way to Priss. Priss, seeing this, began to freak. "Linna! Damn it; make him pull me back it!" "Oh no, this is between you and Dr. Raven." "Why you little... Okay, Dr. Raven, pull me back!" "Very well, I..." "No, wait." Linna chimed in. "Linna?" Priss asked warily. "Don't pull her back yet. She didn't say please." "That's it Linna! When I get out of this I'm going to bury my boot so far up your ass you're going to be choking on my big toe! I'm going to..." she was cut off, though, by a hand being placed on the side of her helmet. She looked up to see the silver haired woman smiling at her, with her index finger held up to her lip, motioning Priss to be quiet. She then winked at her, and turned to look behind her at the white light she was emanating from. "Linna." The woman yelled into the light. "S... Sylia? How did you get in there? I thought you were at the Silky Doll." "Never mind that. Get Priss out of here now, or you're out of the group, understand me?" Silence. "Can you ask her to give us a head start?" "Now!" she ordered. "Oh, all right. Come on Dr. Raven." Priss pulled her visor up, and smiled. "Thanks." The other woman smiled back at her. "Hey, we're Knight Sabers. We stick together." Just before the white light disappeared, they all heard a woman's voice on the other end screaming "Uncle!"
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