There were ways to tell someone you loved them without having to actually resort to using words to do it. Words were incomplete most of the time. They only showed one side, one surface and not the multi-tiered chambers of a heart. The word love was something that confused, disorientated, elated, angered and saddened people. It was a word that had such strong connotations chained to it, that it gave the sense of only one option, one choice. That death and life were the balancers of the scale and nothing existed in the middle. No justice, no selflessness, no friendship...only love, love, love. Jo was sitting on the couch. She'd been given a lot of time to think over this word and all the ways this one word could be expressed, and the more she thought about those expressions of love, the more she realized that she'd already done all of them...twice. So what was there left for her to do, but say those three words? "I love you." She said out loud suddenly, testing them on her tongue like it would corrode away if she wasn't careful and didn't practice. Meg had frozen in the doorway with a plate of curly fries held in her hand. "What?" Jo, realizing that she was no longer alone, turned back to face the front, after she had ascertained it was Meg by visual aid. She began to pick at her fingernails. "Jo...?" Meg's feet pattered over the ground and the redhead was suddenly in front of her. A yearning look on her face, "What did you just say?" Jo bit her thumbnail, because it was longer than the rest. She should clip it, but she couldn't find a nail clipper anywhere around the trailer, and filing them seemed to take too long. She looked up at the redhead in front of her, "I was just practicing." Meg put down the plate in her hand and sat next to the other girl. "Practicing what?" "Stuff." Jo said, and it was the first time Jo had ever spoken to her in such an indirect way, usually Jo's bluntness would have struck her upside the head right about now. Meg laughed despite herself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "I had no idea that guy was your father?" Meg said, as she curled up to Jo on the couch, cushions stacked around them and making their little nook even more comfortable. Jo sighed and rested her head against Meg's head. "I don't really have parents. They didn't give birth to me...they were just donors. I read about it. I'm what'd you call a test tube baby." "Don't say it like that." Meg said, "It sounds sad when you say it like that." Okay it was sad, but it didn't need to be anymore sadder than it already was. "I think...well even if he's not really, you know, he still kind of...acted like one. I like him." "Why's that?" Jo said absently and scratched her stomach, while yawning. "I'm tired." She said not waiting for an answer from Meg, but curling up against the redhead like a cat, resting her head on the girl's chest and nuzzling into her, as she prepared to take a nap. "JO!" Meg screeched, feeling embarrassed, even though they'd already done...stuff and this wasn't really anything that should get her so worked up. Jo cuddled into her again and closed her eyes. "I thought we were having a conversation." Meg said, and pouted. She really did want to know what Jo thought about...well those people. If this situation was bothering her at all, Meg was surely to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. Although she knew that would NEVER happen, as Jo was still nuzzling into her and dropping off to sleep. "No you don't!" Meg shook her by the shoulder. "C'mon Jo. It's not good to hold stuff in like this. You should be more com-mu-ni-cative." Oh lookie she used a big word. Too bad she kind of stumbled over it. Ah well. "I want to know what Jo's thinking right now." "Jo's thinking she needs to sleep," Jo said, while burying her head into her chest with a sigh. Meg stopped herself from shaking the other girl again, and stared at the lovely image that Jo painted. Her silvery hair tussled; her face slack in sleep and her mouth not pined up in a sneer or smirk. Jo really looked like an angel when she slept, that much Meg knew, even if she was a demon every other waking moment of her life. Jo was...special. Jo was different then other people and so it was only normal that she handled things much differently than your average...Joe shmoe. And in her own way she was handling this situation. Jo was usually very inactive after she got back from a gunfight. Meg thought it was because Jo would be physically tired after such an ordeal...but really it was something more. It was more like Jo was also rehabilitating not from any physical wounds, but the mental scars too. She might be hard boiled, but Jo still felt things. She might not recognize what they were, but they were there, under the edges and shields adolescent programming and her circumstances had provided her. Jo was tired because she was unaware of the toil such things took out of her psychologically. It was her time to regroup the information she was given, and to assess the mental damage, before she moved on again. Jo was kind of like a computer, rebooting its systems and detecting viruses within her, and wiping them out, even if she didn't know what those viruses contained. The way she did these things were almost mechanical, programmed, but the fact that they existed, and that she couldn't just run into battle again without this needed time, it was proof of her humanity. Jo was human, after all, even if she didn't think so. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "You're such a grump when you sleep so long. C'mon, get up sleepy head." Meg had dragged Jo to her bedroom after a while of cuddling on the couch and was now shaking her awake. "If you sleep too long you might never wake up again and I might have to call Kyouhei in here to give you a kiss." "What?" Jo rolled onto her side and looked at her through her white bangs. "I can't give you a kiss. I'm not a prince. I'm a princess. Jo needs a prince to wake her up," Meg said teasingly and Jo closed her eyes against Meg's nonsense. "Just kiss me and call it even." Jo said, and planted herself on her back and closed her eyes, like she was indeed a princess waiting for prince charming. "So you're not getting up until I kiss you?" "Screw prince charming." Jo said, her voice giving a hint of the smirk she wasn't showing, as she opened one eye in time to see Meg leaning down and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around Meg's neck as the other girl hovered over her. Meg pulled away, her fingers brushing over her lips. "You think we have...I mean everybody's in the living room and..." "That never stopped you before." Jo said, sitting up, suddenly wide-awake. Well Jo indeed had a point. It was Meg who initiated their first time. She didn't think she was ever truly shy about expressing things like this to Jo. She was secure enough in her feelings to know that she wanted the physical aspect of the relationship, wanted it and craved it for some time now. But after what had happened, that awkward, strange, beautiful, breath-taking night, the last night before all of this happened, it had saddened her to some degree at how much she felt for Jo, but how much Jo didn't seem to understand the emotion. Jo was loving with her, but was Jo truly in love with her. She felt like she was forcing her love on the other girl. However, that moment of strange embarrassment Jo had showed when she'd walked in on her saying those words. Simple and sweet in that impossibly apathetic way Jo had about her. It'd shocked her. It really did. She thought maybe Jo was reading something at first, but when she looked down, the other girl hadn't been holding anything in her hands. Neither, the thought slapped her in the back of the head at how obvious it was, Jo wasn't someone who really cared to read, and if she did on the of chance, then she surely wouldn't be reading something with the words "I love you" in print. So what was it? She'd thought it was kind of funny. Jo saying those words out of the blue and here she was always thinking about those words all the time, wanting so much to hear those words. Irony could be a cruel thing. Could it be self-projection? Jo in her own way could be strangely perceptive to her moods, like some kind of wild animal. She did have good instincts. And again Jo was perceptive to the weirdness that she was throwing off with her reticence to be intimate. She was scared. Every time they were together she felt desperate. Like she'd never let Jo go, even when everything was done, she just couldn't let the other girl go. It hurt too much. The physical aspect of their relationship only made her yearn more instead of quelling whatever was inside of her and she felt empty. Even after eating, it was like there was lead in her stomach and she felt heavy, but empty. Weighted down by impossible dreams and words that she would never truly receive. "Meg?" Jo asked and scooted over to sit in front of her. "Did...I not do it right?" "Eh?" Meg said, brought out of her stupor by Jo suddenly not making any sense. "That night. I wanted to ask you." Jo pushed on with that cool head of hers. "What I did...did it feel good?" Meg blushed. What the heck was Jo talking about? Of course it felt...well good. Jo was such a weirdo. "You're so weird." Meg said, even though she knew this wasn't the best way to answer this. It just came out. Jo made a face at her. "It was..." terrifyingly good, "I liked it a lot." Oh good one. "Jo...you shouldn't ask me questions like that. I mean you could tell I liked it..." just by the sounds I was making, "just by..." she blushed again, "This is stupid." Meg finally giving up scooted the extra way to put her in Jo's arms. She placed her hands, palm flat on the other girl's chest and pushed until Jo was on her back. Jo looked up at her. "I guess I need more practice." And the blandness in which she had said those words, totally threw her for a loop. More practice? Jo sounded like she was talking about riding a bike...or riding Django. Only Jo could turn sex into a competition and for some reason, the fact that the other girl wanted to get better at it, made Meg's head spin a little. Crap, did Jo want to kill her, because...well...if she got better then Meg knew she surely wouldn't be able to survive that. "I'll get better." Jo said again, like she had just fallen off her imaginary bike. Meg opened her mouth to explain--slowly this time--to Jo that there was no need to get better as she particularly wanted to live, a healthy, long, credit-card friendly life. However Jo cut her off with a swift kiss and she almost bitten the other girl in surprise. Her hot mouth shifting, lips slightly stiff as Jo didn't really soften the kiss on contact only made it firmer, harder. She was a bit clumsy and she had to use her hands to move Meg's mouth to how she wanted it, tipping her chin back and letting her tongue slide in. Meg made a muffled sound, appreciative, but at the same time frustrated, as Jo seemed to not want her to breath. Meg, pulling in air from her nose and tightening her arms around the other girl's shoulder leaned back and let gravity take control. They both fell to the mattress and Jo's immediate response was to place both her palms on either side of Meg, bracing her up, as she kissed the other girl. They stayed that way for a good amount of time, until Jo pressed down harder on top of her, shifting right between her legs, one of her knees sliding up the bed so she could kneel between Meg's legs and get the leeway to pull her T-shirt off, that same knee accidentally brushing against Meg's clit through her clothing and causing the other girl to mewl in pleasure. However Meg's visual sensory was also being stimulated, as Jo now shirtless and in her underwear--which was remedied moments later by Jo's deft fingers, her underwear now someone off to the side of the bed--leaned over her. "You're wearing too much clothes." Jo said, and Meg could feel her heartbeat quicken and something else that felt like irony buttering through her system. This was the first time anyone had ever told her she was wearing too much of...anything. "Well then fix me up then." Meg teased and raised her hands, wanting Jo to be the one to undress her, because Jo's fingers, for some reason, weren't shaking like hers. Were calm and steady and even though she didn't know what she was doing half the time, they were still sure of themselves. Jo didn't have any objections, as she began to pull Meg's tank top over her head. Jo looked at the lace bra she was wearing and then frowned. "You have to handle that." Jo said, because never once in her life did she wear a bra. She didn't feel she needed one, as hers, she thought were small enough to not get in the way, unlike Meg and Sei's, which got in the way all the time. So while Meg was taking off her bra, Jo not deterred from moving on, slipped her fingers under the waistline of Meg's jeans and yanked them down, her movement swift and rough, without meaning to be. Then she pulled down Meg's underwear in the same fashion and threw it off the bed and to the floor. Meg did the same thing to her bra, and in one extravagant toss they were both completely and utterly naked. Jo stared down at her and Meg stared up, but it was still so exciting and embarrassing when they looked at each other. She didn't ever think she'd get used to seeing Jo naked, or Jo looking at her, like she was right now. With that curious, steady gaze that spoke of trust and intent. Meg sweeping her palms up the other girl's sides, a tickling motion that made Jo squirm a little, but not in a bad way, laughed when she saw the cute, almost grumpy look on the girl's face at finding a weakness. Jo leaned down and those pure, blood red eyes were staring at her now, like a cat, looking for the branch in which to lay down for the day, to scope prey out, to sleep and forget. Then Jo met her mouth timidly and it was such a contrast from before, she nipped at her bottom lip and still kept those amazing eyes open, lidded but with a subtle resolution burning within in them. Jo covered her mouth entirely with hers and Meg immediately responded, her hands going up to link around Jo's neck and pull the other girl flush, until she could feel Jo's nipples pressing into her own. One of her knees jumped up at the sudden delicious friction and it pressed between Jo's legs, the other girl's eyes widening for a split second before she moved experimentally against her thigh. Jo's eyes closed then, and her brow furrowed, like she was trying to concentrate on one thing and something else was getting at her. It was most likely the kiss, or the touch of sensitive nipples against bared skin. Jo swallowed around the kiss they were sharing and Meg passing her hands over Jo's shoulders felt the other girl jerk up. "Nggghh...uuhhh." Meg's knee was pressing more firmly against Jo's clit and the result had the other girl trying to keep herself balanced, as she braced her hands more firmly on the mattress. Meg watched on in delight as Jo, struggling with too much sensation, the gratifying sounds of her pleasure leaking out of her and being shared within the same kiss, had to close her own eyes and try not to pass out. Suddenly one of Jo's hands, like it had a mind of its own, clamped over her thigh, her fingers squeezing the soft flesh and causing a shock of pleasure to run its course up the sensitive area and pool inside her vagina. That hand slid up, not feathery soft, but solid and within a couple of heart rendering seconds, that hand with calloused fingers and soft palms had pressed into the warmth at her epicenter. Meg thrashed, despite herself and was delirious at how wet she was. Jo had hitched up on her again, was still slowly and thoroughly riding her thigh as her fingers began their ministrations. There were burning touches that scorched all the way inside and then soft, pressing caresses that lapped at the flames. Meg whimpered and Jo also trying to get at her own finish, continued to rub herself against Meg's warm, soft thigh. The pressure constricting her airway passages, her pored raised up in that similar tightness that seemed to affect her breathing. Jo's fingers were deep inside of her, and with each added digit the pressure intensified. The white-haired girl's eyes shut tight against the pleasure blossoming in her own gut and the kisses they were still sharing. Now desperate and sweet like nectar. Jo quickened her pace, both her fingers and her lower body finding a tandem in which to ride out this taunt pleasure. The single breathe of gratification coursing through her and making her move even faster, coercing her, demanding of her to keep the friction between them and to let her finally have a release of the tension clinging to her nerve endings. Clinging to her soul, ever since Meg had been taken away from her and she had no way to quench the ache in her heart, in her fingers, in her mouth, until now. Meg mindless with lust, moved her leg roughly against Jo, the other girl's palm brushing and burning sensation into her clitoris, the feeling building and raising like transient smoke and condemning them to move even faster and trap that haze between them, finally find release. Jo was the first to orgasm, her body shaking like a leaf and her white bangs sticking to her like snow and icicles after they had melted. Meg came afterwards, with her legs sliding even more open and a panting breath being swallowed by Jo's still burgeoning mouth. The noises Meg made after, desperate and hoarse, as she came down from that unbelievable high making Jo groan in agreement. "I...Meg..." Jo whispered, and she nearly fell on top of her when she tried to reorient herself. The arms bracing herself up now shaking with the aftermath of extreme pleasure and Meg thought that maybe it wasn't so bad to not receive those words, not when she was the only person in the world, who could see Jo like this, to see that tough exterior trembling and shaking in incoherency and beautiful honesty. She could live with the fact that those words...maybe didn't mean so much as the value she had placed on them, like a crown of jewels, the hollow fairy tale. She loved Jo and even though Jo had never spoken of it directly to her, this moment, this shared ecstasy, the feeling afterward, and Jo's actions and responses to her plight, were something more substantial. Something more that words couldn't capture as well. "Meg, am I getting better?" Jo asked and she nuzzled into her, finally lowering herself on top of Meg and resting her head on her chest. Meg's legs now spreading and tangling with her own. "Jo's the best at everything she does." Meg answered back, and she kissed the top of her head and sighed at the upcoming wave of slumber rolling over her tired limbs. She slept like sleeping beauty poisoned after that and to her, it was the best sleep she had ever had. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Meg, putting her arm around Jo's shoulders pulled her in closer. Jo's breath was escaping across her collarbone and fanning some of her red hair. Meg closed her eyes and the sounds of Jo's even breathing gave her a calm that she didn't think anyone could ever give her. She felt at peace. "Meg...you smell like perfume." Jo bleary eyed looked up at her from her perch above her chest. "Oh, you like it. I put it on just for you." "I don't like it." Jo answered in that completely blunt, unsophisticated manner. "It's too sweet. I could smell it when I was dreaming." Jo's head sagged to one side. "My leg's asleep." Meg rolled her eyes and wondered what dams of hell she'd unleashed when it was Jo who was whining, but still in that nondescript voice. Jo's words also had caught her unaware. "You dream Jo?" Jo never told her anything like that before. Jo looked thoughtful for a moment, "Sometimes, when I'm comfortable." "So you dream about nice things when you sleep like that?" Meg asked and smiled down at Jo, as she righted herself on the bed. "Yeah." Jo said. She scratched her elbow and looked to her right, like something had caught her eyes, even though there was nothing particularly interesting to look at in the room, with the exception of each other. "What do you dream about?" Jo looked at her when she asked this and then shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes...I dream about you." End. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A/n: Burst out into tears. Why am I such a damn sap? Sorry for taking so long to finish, but school is constantly tearing into my ass. Yes, it's taken out a big chunk. Oh that and other stories that I'm working on. I'd like to thank everyone that's stuck with this crazy thing and all those who have left reviews and words of wisdom. It's what got me through. For all those who are going WTF' at Jo's not saying those "special words" I just thought, they were practically already said. Jo doesn't need to say them to Meg. Jo's just a different creature and she doesn't view those words as important, not to the actually feelings. Anyhoo, I had to end it with sex, because dammit I wanted a sex scene. These two need more lovin' after all the violence. Again thanks for all those that stuck with this and its been a blast.
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