The Day Hell Froze Over

a Bleach fanfiction by BebopSamurai

Omaeda Marechiyo cringed as he stared at the scattered remnants of the 
pottery. He hadn't meant to knock it over, but his remarkable size 
rendered the task of slipping through a narrow passageway in Soul 
Society practically impossible. For a moment he could only stand frozen 
in dread--someone must have heard the crash and it was unlikely that he 
was quick enough to get away, especially if his captain happened to have 
heard it.

Oh damn...

HIS CAPTAIN! He knew better than anyone just how short the temper of 2nd 
Division and Correction Corps leader Soi Fong was, especially since that 
temper seemed to wear especially thin around him. If she found him 
here... Before he could even begin to pick up the pieces, he heard the 
pitter-patter of light footsteps coming in his direction from around the 
corner.

Oh, gods--please let it be anyone other than her...

The gods seemed to find his situation humorous, however, since none 
other than the petite Captain walked into view, but curiously enough she 
didn't notice Marechiyo. In fact, it didn't seem like she was paying 
attention to anything, and unless he was crazy it sounded as if she was 
humming to herself. The significance of this didn't register with the 
boorish Vice-Captain though; all that mattered was that he still had a 
chance to get away.

All right, now if I'm really quiet...

Unfortunately, he only managed a few steps in the direction of the 
railing when one of the larger pieces slipped out of his hand and fell 
to the ground with a crash that finally snapped Soi Fong out of her 
distracted state of mind. She turned around to see her Vice-Captain 
standing behind her, a guilty expression on his face mingled with a 
healthy dose of the fear of God.

"...Ohmaeda? What are you doing here?" Her question was asked in the 
farthest from her normally severe tone--in fact, she even sounded 
perfectly at ease for once, but to the giant it only seemed like a ploy 
to throw him into a false state of security. Without another word he 
fell prostrate on the wooden floor, bowing his head as low as it could 
possibly go.

"I'm very, very sorry Captain! I didn't mean to break it, and I know 
that this isn't the first time I've done it," (he shuddered as he 
remembered the last time he had so much as scraped one of the ornamental 
vases that populated Seireitei, resulting in a series of injuries and a 
long lecture about being more tactful from Soi Fong)"...but I beg you to 
be merciful! It's just that these halls make it difficult to see what's 
around them--"

"Oh, that's fine. Everyone makes mistakes."

For a moment, Marechiyo was certain he had heard wrong. Had someone 
imitated his Captain's voice in order to lull him into complacency? 
Finally daring to look up, he saw that not only was Soi Fong NOT getting 
ready to kill him, but she was actually picking up the ceramic shards 
and tossing them into a pocket of sorts she had made by holding up the 
end of her Captain's robe.

"C-Captain?" he chanced, fearfully wondering if reminding the femme 
fatale of his presence would revert her to her normal, irate self.

"Well? Here, pick these up with me." She didn't sound cold or demanding, 
it was almost as if she had made a request of him rather than an order. 
Without bothering to consider this, however, Ohmaeda hastily grabbed 
some more of the pieces and set them into Soi's robe. "There, I think 
that's all of them," Soi assessed as she carried the broken pottery over 
to a nearby wastebasket and threw the pieces in, tinkling against each 
other as they fell. "Oh, and Ohmaeda..." she began, turning to him. He 
recoiled, certain that the hammer was going to fall this time, but Soi 
Fong only patted him lightly on the arm. "Don't worry; if anyone asks 
then I'll take full responsibility. Just be more careful, all right?" 
Before he could say anything, Soi had turned around and walked off, but 
not before the brute caught-- of all things-- the hint of a distracted 
smile on her face.

...What...just happened here?

He knew he should have been grateful, but all the Vice-Captain could 
feel was completely and utterly bewildered. Captain Soi Fong, the 
infamous Ice Queen of Soul Society... smiling? Covering for HIS mistakes 
as opposed to chewing him out over them? He didn't have much opportunity 
to consider this, however, as he soon ran into (literally) a 
high-ranking member of the 3rd Division with stylishly cut blonde hair 
that concealed part of his face.

"...Vice-Captain Izuru?" Marechiyo asked after a moment, helping the 
disoriented Kira to his feet. It took him a moment to answer; running 
straight into the moving wall that was Marechiyo was no laughing matter 
after all.

"Oh, sorry, Ohmaeda," Kira managed with a slight bow. "...I guess I'm 
just a little distracted. I just saw the wierdest thing a minute ago, 
so..." he shrugged as the last bit of his discourse faded into a mutter.

"Hmm," the massive Marechiyo grunted, "That's funny--I just saw 
something that was odd, too."

"Is that so? Well, I bet that it wasn't as crazy as this," Kira said 
with a slight chuckle.

"Really? Try me," the 2nd Division's Vice-Captain smirked. There was no 
way that anything the blonde shrimp beside him could say that would blow 
his mind as much as seeing Soi Fong do anything other than scowl.

"Well, okay," Kira assented, then launched straight into his brief 
anecdote. "...So I'm just sitting outside, doing some paperwork, right? 
Well, of all people, Captain Soi Fong comes by and asks how everyone's 
doing! And to top it all off, she's smiling! I mean, HER SMILING! I know 
it sounds completely--"

"...Are you sure?" Kira stopped talking to look up at Marechiyo, who was 
wearing a look of disbelief all over his broad face. "I...I saw her do 
it too!"

"You're kidding! For a while, I thought that I was just seeing things! I 
wonder what's going on with her?" Before Marechiyo could say another 
word, the voice of the object of their bewilderment rang throughout 
Seireitei, apparently making use of the same kidoh Kotetsu Isane had 
employed to inform Soul Society of Aizen's betrayal. This time, however, 
the message conveyed on the amplified voice of its user was far less 
serious.

"ATTENTION--BY ORDER OF SECOND DIVISION CAPTAIN SOI FONG, ALL MEMBERS OF 
THE CORRECTION CORPS AND THE SECOND DIVISION ARE OFFICIALLY FREE OF 
DUTIES FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY. THAT IS ALL." A stunned silence 
greeted this sudden announcement, followed by cheering that carried all 
throughout the stronghold of Soul Society. Meanwhile the two 
Vice-Captains blinked at each other, just as stunned but not necessarily 
jubilant.

...The day off? Just the idea got Marechiyo thinking, a pastime he was 
not particularly inclined towards, which only made him more agitated.

It was practically unheard of for any Captain to do such a thing, 
especially considering that they were at war and the enemy could strike 
at any moment. It was well within the bounds of their given power as 
leaders of the Gotei 13, yet only a handful had used it, the few being 
current Fourth Division Captain Unohana and even once under former 
Captain Aizen Sosuke when he was still playing everyone for fools.

"What the...?" was all that default-Third Division Captain Izuru could 
get out, as his mouth had long since hit the floor. "Since when has she 
been so careless? I swear, I've gotten so used to being paranoid about 
those damn ninjas that I think I can hear them when I go to the 
bathroom." He didn't even know Soi Fong that well but her reputation as 
a strict and stoic commander had earned her the fear and/or respect of 
just about everyone in Soul Society. There was something very strange 
about all this, but what it was Kira wasn't sure.

"Hey, Ohmaeda--are you sure you've never seen her do anything like this 
before?" The other Vice-Captain only gave an annoyed, 
if-she-had-then-I-wouldn't-be-worried-about-it-right-now glare. Kira was 
about to ask about whether or not she was sick when the dark 
incandescence of a Death Butterfly fluttered around a nearby corner and 
came to a stop on Kira's outstretched palm.

This looks like it's from the higher-ups... He lifted the ephemeral 
messenger to his ear, so that he could hear its missive better.

"Well? What is it?" Marechiyo asked when the Death Butterfly had 
dissolved into tiny specks of light.

"Uh...It's from Supreme Commander Yamamoto," the blonde said with a 
puzzled look. "He wants all Captains and Vice-Captains for an emergency 
meeting."
The meeting hall was packed and full of unintelligible chattering when 
Captain Yamamoto arrived, his body more than capable of running but 
simply opting to go at a steady pace. Captain Kuchiki was the first to 
stand at attention (he had been silent since arriving, though his 
boisterous Vice-Captain was another matter), and then all the other top 
members of the Gotei 13 followed suit once they noted their Commander's 
presence. Once he had reached the far end of the vestibule, Yamamoto 
took a deep breath before speaking.

"...I have called you all here to address an issue that is of great 
concern. Specifically, it regards one among our ranks, who some of you 
may have noticed has not been called here." At this a few of those 
present turned their heads slightly from side to side, all of whom found 
that Soi Fong was curiously absent.

"Commander," Captain Ukitake said in a clear voice, breaking the silence 
of the audience, "...Are you implying that the Second Division Captain 
may have been compromised in some way?" Yamamoto did not answer, but 
looked toward a man with a bizarrely painted black-and-white face.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, I believe this would be an appropriate time to 
present your findings." Mayuri bowed to the Supreme Commander, then cast 
a cold leer at his 'daughter,' urging her to follow him to the front 
with the wide array of equipment in her slender arms.

"Thank you, Commander Yamamoto," the scientist said in his trademark 
hiss as Nemu proceeded to set up what looked like a projector and a 
plain white screen. "I've been asked to analyse the 
recent...disturbing...behavior of our fellow Captain, based on what I've 
been relayed by the Commander."

"Umm...What do you mean by 'disturbing?'" Vice-Captain Isane asked 
demurely as she raised her hand.

"You mean you haven't seen it!" Kira managed in a clearly rattled voice.

"She's acting...well, civil!" the tattooed Renji answered, looking every 
bit as agitated as Kira. "And I think someone said they actually saw her 
smile!" This got quite a rise out of the people assembled, as they 
almost immediately broke out into gasps of shock and disbelief, 
punctuated by cries of "it'sthe apocalypse!" from the tiny Hinamori who 
was eventually calmed by Captain Unohana, assuring her that no such 
thing was happening.

"SILENCE!" Yamamoto bellowed in his commanding voice, and within seconds 
every last person had complied.

"Now then..." Mayuri continued once he was certain that he had regained 
the attention of his peers, "...A dramatic, sudden change in behavior, 
uncharacteristic emotional responses-- these things are all the result 
of something undoubtedly suspicious. After much consideration..." he 
turned to Nemu and was about to instinctively deride her for being slow 
but saw that she had already finished preparing the projector, so he 
simply turned the device on, shining light onto the canvas tacked up on 
the wall and displaying a crude diagram of the former Captain of the 
Fifth Division. "...After much consideration, I have determined that the 
changes evident in the Second Division Captain are none other than the 
work of Aizen Sousuke." To his satisfaction, a stunned hush met his 
words, followed by much quieter exchange of dialogue among the Captains 
and their subordinates. "We don't yet know how deeply this runs. She may 
be under some sort of kidoh that we can't identify yet, or she may 
simply be a traitor--"

"Captain Kurotsuchi," the fox-headed Komakura growled out, his voice 
gruff and skeptical, "...I find it hard to believe that the Second 
Division Captain could be a traitor. Her loyalty to the Gotei 13 is 
beyond question."

"Yes, but you also believed that about Captain Tousen, did you not?" 
Mayuri retorted darkly. Komakura growled under his breath but said 
nothing more. "The only other possibility is that this 
'uncharacteristic' Soi Fong is not the true Soi Fong, but rather some 
type of imitation created to infiltrate our ranks. The only problem is 
that whoever made her wasn't familiar enough with Captain Fong's 
behavior to make an accurate copy."

"Hmph. I don't think a guy like Aizen would make such a stupid mistake, 
especially since he's been around us for as long as he has." Mayuri 
glared at Kyoraku, who'd made the quip from behind the brim of his 
sunhat.

"Well, then, does anyone else have any suggestions on what this anomaly 
is?" the Captain of the Scientific Division asked the whole of the group 
with a leer.

"...It could be some kind of long distance illusion--maybe Kokuya 
Suigetsu's bankai?" Vice-Captain Shuuhei offered with a thoughtful look 
on his face.

"No, this could involve some kind of drug or other," Thirteenth Division 
Third Seat Kotsubaki said with a hand on his chin.

"Oh, you know, I felt kinda funny when I had a drink of water this 
morning--maybe it's being put in the water supply!" the second occupier 
of Third Seat, Kotetsu Kiyone, chimed in, not catching the "yeah, that's 
'cause you're a bitch" that was muttered by Kotsubaki.

"Feh," Kenpachi spat as his hand twitched over his nameless Zanpaku-to. 
"I say we just grab her and beat it out of her." Of everyone present he 
cared the least whether the assumed impostor was a real threat or not, 
he was just elated at the opportunity to do some fighting.

"Wait, wait! Don't you guys think that maybe...just maybe...we're 
overreacting just a bit?" The group turned in surprise at the sudden 
interjection of Vice-Captain Matsumoto, her hands held up in the signal 
of cease-fire. "Maybe we're thinking about this the wrong way. I mean, 
has anyone seriously stopped to consider that Captain Soi Fong's 
behavior might not be a bad thing? I mean, she IS entitled to the same 
feelings as any of us--"

"Quiet, Matsumoto," Hitsugaya muttered as he yanked on the sleeve of her 
robe. She blinked at her Captain's dismissal of her opinion and scowled 
at him.

"Captain, this is a perfectly legitimate argument! Besides, I know for a 
fact that there's--"

"Matsumoto," the child prodigy said in a dangerous whisper, "...That may 
be a POSSIBILITY at best. Besides, the woman hasn't so much as smirked 
in the last 100 years-- to suddenly act all happy like she has been 
isn't a normal thing." Rangiku opened her mouth to argue, but after 
seeing the glare in her Captain's eye she thought better of it and 
sighed. Fortunately, the buxom blonde's call for sanity seemed to have 
earned her a supporter, as the previously silent Captain Unohana spoke 
up.

"I agree with the Tenth Division Vice-Captain--It would be irresponsible 
of us to make any rash decisions until we've made a proper assessment of 
Soi Fong's behavior. The situation as we can view it now seems uncertain 
at best." Everyone seemed inclined to comply with her, as she was really 
the most even-headed of those present.

"Well said, Captain Unohana," Yamamoto said with a slight nod. "Unless 
there are any objections, then I propose that a small contingent of 
Shinigami are appointed to observe the Second Captain and determine the 
root of her behavior." When no one rejected the Commander's plan, the 
twin double doors were thrown open and the Captains were allowed to 
leave, pondering amongst themselves who would be best suited for such 
work.
"...Ridiculous."

That was all Hitsugaya could think to mutter as he glanced over the 
people who'd been appointed to the observation group; it was nearly as 
random as the band of Shinigami who'd been assigned to Komakura Town 
following the arrival of the first Arrancar.

"Hey, don't look at me! I've got better things to do than peep on some 
crazy bitch!" Renji growled, wondering how this sort of thing always 
seemed to happen to him.

"I mean, I can understand you and Matsumoto," he indicated his 
Vice-Captain, playing absentmindedly with a few strands of curly blonde 
hair, "...But why these three?" He gestured over to the others, which 
consisted of the diminuitive Hanatarou, the oafish Marechiyo, and the 
stoic Nemu.

"Well," Rangiku said after a moment, "...Hana-chan's here from Fourth in 
case there's some sort of poison involved, Ohmaeda's her Vice-Captain 
(ill-suited to this sort of thing though he may be), and Nemu-chan was 
requested to report anything remotely out of the ordinary by Captain 
Kurotsuchi."

"WAIT! DON'T FORGET BALDY-CHAN AND ME!"

"I told you, I'm NOT 'Baldy-chan!' Is my name THAT hard to remember, 
Vice-Captain?" The six turned in the direction the two voices had come 
from to see Eleventh Division Vice-Captain Yachiru riding happily on a 
much-grumpier-than-normal Madarame Ikkaku.

"You're late!" Hitsugaya scowled at the bald ruffian.

"Well, sorry-- we had some bad directions." He made a subtle nod in the 
direction of his commanding officer to indicate where the 'bad 
directions' had come from.

"Hey, remember what Ken-chan said," Yachiru said with that disturbingly 
elated look on her face, "If you complain then Ken-chan gets to play 
with you..." The threat was more than enough to reduce the boisterous 
Third Seat into complacency, and the Tenth Captain let out a sigh.

"...All right...Now if we're going to conduct 
this...investigation...then I think we'll need to at least lower the 
outer wall--keep anything from getting in or out."

"Already taken care of, Captain," Matsumoto said with a grin. "I sent 
the message about five minutes ago-- it should be coming down pretty 
soon." Sure enough, out in the distance, the inpenetrable wall that 
separated Seireitei from the rest of Soul Society soon descended to the 
ground, sending up a massive cloud of dust which each section that fell 
into place. This inhibiting cloud also managed to provide cover for a 
single black cat that crawled through just before the wall crushed it 
underneath its weight.
"HI, SOI-CHAN!" Soi Fong turned at the sound of her (kind-of) name to 
see Yachiru and Hanatarou sitting on a bench together, a steaming kettle 
placed between the two.

"Hello, Vice-Captain!" Soi answered with a smile and an almost 
freakishly girlish wave, which made the Fourth Division Shinigami nearly 
spit up the tea he was drinking. "My, you're looking cute today!"

"Okay...so remind me again what we're doing here?" Renji whispered the 
the rest of the 'observation squad,' watching the whole occurence from 
behind the safety of a nearby wall. To the surprise of the six present, 
Nemu spoke up.

"...The Fourth Division representative and the Eleventh Vice-Captain are 
serving as decoys for two purposes: To confirm the odd behavior of the 
Second Captain, and to determine whether or not she's an impostor."

"Huh? How the hell are they gonna do that?" Ikkaku growled from his 
uncomfortable position, unable to see what was going on. Nemu held up a 
small square that looked oddly like a sugar cube.

"These cubes contain a substance that can reveal the true state of 
something if ingested. After taking their own tea, they were asked to 
put the cubes inside the kettle and urge the Captain to share some. If 
she isn't the true Soi Fong, then her real form or identity will be 
revealed."

"Wait...You mean that Captain Kurotsuchi invented sugar cubes that can 
tell you if you're drinking coffee with a spy or something?" Hitsugaya 
asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"...The Captain does have quite a bit of spare time on his hands," Nemu 
admitted casually. The white-haired Captain only gave an admissive sigh 
before turning his attention back to their target.

"U-Um, C-C-Captain..." Hanatarou stuttered nervously, trying to keep his 
hands steady.

"Hey, are you all right?" Soi asked him with sudden concern in her 
voice, placing a hand on the sweating boy's forehead. "Hmm...Maybe you 
should go to Fourth Division--I can escort you if you need me to..."

"Uh, n-no, I'm fine..." the diminuitive Shinigami answered, uncertain if 
he should be more worried about staying in character or the empathetic 
Soi Fong standing a few feet away. "L-listen, Captain, uh...W-we were 
wondering i-i-if..."

"WANT SOME?" Yachiru belted out suddenly, holding out a steaming mug of 
the dark liquid. "IT'S YUMMY!" Soi and Hanatarou blinked at the sudden 
outburst of the bubblegum-haired Vice-Captain, but Soi took the cup with 
a smile.

"You know, I am feeling a bit thirsty...Thanks, Yachiru-chan."

YACHIRU-CHAN? The sextet of hidden Shinigami thought in surprised 
unison.

"Okay, that clinches it," Marechiyo said with a subdued grumble, 
"There's no way in HELL that's the Captain." The rest sushed him as Soi 
put the narrow cup to her lips and took a drink. For a moment they just 
sat there with bated breath, waiting for some kind of reaction.

"...How do we know if it's working?" Hitsugaya asked in a whisper.

"If she's a fake, then she'll have a very painful reversion to her true 
form," Nemu responded.

"And what if that's really her?"

"Then she'll only have a few painful spasms before the effect wears 
off." Renji rolled his eyes at Nemu's answer. One thing was certain 
about Captain Kurotsuchi--he certainly liked inflicting pain on his 
subjects.

"Mmm...That's very good!" Soi Fong said after a few seconds, no visible 
signs that anything was happening to her. "What kind is it?" It took the 
stunned Hanatarou a moment to answer. Why wasn't the drug affecting her?

"Umm...It's a special Green Tea blend--from Fourth Division," he finally 
said truthfully. She handed the tea back to Yachiru, then made little 
bow.

"Well, thank you very much, but I'm in a bit of a hurry--I hope we can 
continue this later," and with that the Second Captain dashed off down 
the balcony and out of sight.

"What the hell happened!" Ikkaku said as soon as the others got out of 
their hiding place. "I thought you guys were supposed to put the cubes 
in the tea!"

"I-I did!" Hanatarou said with fear in his eyes, not wanting to deal 
with a much-more violent member of the Eleventh Division. "I could have 
sworn I put the right amount in..." With that, he added some of the 
drug-laced tea to his cup, then took a sip. "Hmm...Nothing! I guess that 
I didn--" Before Hanatarou could finish, he made a gagging noise and 
collapsed to the ground, twitching like mad.

"Huh?" Matsumoto exclaimed with confusion. "But if it's affecting 
Hana-chan, then why didn't it do anything to Soi Fong?"

"Oh, that's right!" Yachiru chimed in with a silly grin on her face. "I 
gave her MY tea by mistake! Silly me!" The group "oh"ed in comprehension 
before turning to the twitching form of Hanatarou sprawled on the floor.

"Uh...How long's he gonna be like that?" Renji asked with a raised 
eyebrow, tentatively poking the boy with his foot.

"Do not be concerned," Nemu said dismissively, "...the effects should 
wear off in about ten minutes or so."

"Well, I think we can effectively rule out 'impostor' as a possibility," 
Hitsugaya admitted with an annoyed look.

"But that still doesn't explain why she's acting so wierd," Marechiyo 
said as he scratched his head.

"Hey, look at this!" Matsumoto called from a few feet away, holding up a 
small folded note in brown paper. "I think she dropped it when she ran 
off." Hitsugaya took the note and looked at the front. Sure enough, it 
was adressed to Soi Fong in small, cramped writing on the front. He 
opened it up to see only one thing written inside.

9:00 PM

This was followed by what looked like a cat's paw stamped in ink.

"Well, this can only mean one thing," Hitsugaya said gravely as he 
folded up the note and placed it in his robe. "...She's working for a 
hostile group outside Soul Society and they're meeting tonight to give 
her instructions." All the people present outside of Matsumoto, Yachiru 
and a still epileptic Hanatarou gasped in shock at this revelation, but 
the young Captain quickly silenced them with a wave of his hand. "All 
right, here's what we're going to do: Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi, can you 
look for any organizations that use a cat's paw as an insignia?" The 
woman nodded, then dashed off in a different direction. "All right, 
then...Madarame and Vice-Captain Abarai need to interrogate anyone in 
Second Division you can find. There's a slight chance that this 
precipitates further down than just Soi Fong--"

"Uh, Captain," Rangiku interrupted, "Actually, I don't think this is 
anything dangerous..."

"Matsumoto, the circumstances practically speak for themselves!" 
Hitsugaya shot back with fire in his cold eyes. "If you're going to say 
there's nothing suspicious about how she's acting--"

"But Captain, I'm telling you that I--"

"Enough!" Toshiro's icy finality silenced Matsumoto, though she had a 
rather annoyed look on her face as the scrawny Captain turned away. 
"...As for the rest of us, we'll be keeping watch on the major points of 
Seireitei, and keep each other informed of Soi Fong's movements."

"W-wait a minute, Captain," Marechiyo blurted out, "How are four of us 
going to keep track of her like that! This place is too big for even a 
small army to cover, much less one by one!"

"No, there'll be FIVE of us," Hitsugaya corrected him. "...But first we 
need to wake up Hanatarou-kun."
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, the white-haired Captain thought to 
himself as he stared down at the open courtyard from his perch on a high 
building. He'd been sitting here for the last three hours, during which 
his brain gradually became numb to everything except how much his butt 
was hurting from sitting on concrete all this time. Not that he'd ever 
complain, of course--complaints were for the weak, and he was certainly 
NOT weak. The others were probably as bored as he was, and knowing 
Matsumoto she'd probably wandered off to enjoy herself somewhere far 
away from her current job. He was proven wrong, however, when a Death 
Butterfly suddenly appeared before him, sent from none other than his 
Vice-Captain. After listening to the message, Hitsugaya blinked in 
surprise, then tried to look at the messenger to repeat the discourse, 
but it had already disappeared. Wasting no time, he ran over to 
Rangiku's location some few miles away.

"Oh, Captain, you're just in time!"

"...Was that message some kind of joke?" Toshiro asked at once, 
disbelief still dictating his reception of her missive.

"See for yourself," the blonde said with a grin, as though she found the 
whole thing amusing. Hitsugaya leaned over the edge of the tower they 
were sitting on and would have gasped if he wasn't proud enough to show 
fear. There was Captain Soi Fong, walking along a fairly deserted 
alleyway, but...she actually looked, well, like a girl! She was still in 
her Captain's robes, but it seemed that she had done her hair (the 
normally ragged cut to her dark locks had been evened up and shampooed), 
and unless his eyes were decieving him she was wearing make-up! Before 
he could speak, Marechiyo and Hanatarou (unfortunately assigned by 
Yachiru to bear her on his small shoulders) arrived.

"We got your message, what did you--Oh gods, who the hell is that?" 
Marechiyo blurted out once he saw the woman walking down the alley. "She 
stole the Captain's uniform!"

"Actually..." Hanatarou managed once Yachiru had grown tired of pulling 
on his hair, "...I think that IS your Captain."

"I-i-i-it can't be!" the brute said once he had regained control over 
his limited mental faculties.

"What? I think it's kind of a nice change of pace." Rangiku said 
happily, still lazily watching Soi go down the street and finally turn a 
corner.

"Come on, there's no time to lose," Hitsugaya said with a furrowed brow 
as he followed in the Second Captain's direction, trailed closely by the 
others. "Obviously, whoever she's meeting with is the leader of this 
organization, and happens to be a lover of sorts. That would explain why 
she would betray us to this man. Although Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi never 
came back with information on what kind of organization it was, and 
Madarame reported that Second Division didn't know anything about it..."

"Captain--" his Vice-Captain began but without fail Hitsugaya cut her 
off.

"Not NOW, Matsumoto! There could be millions of lives on the line if we 
don't stop this thing while we have the chance!"

Fine, I can't say I didn't try, Rangiku thought to herself wryly as they 
dashed over the rooftops.
Soi glanced around the forest of sakura trees, none of which happened to 
be in bloom at this point of the year. She had glanced back and forth to 
be sure she wasn't followed, but the lingering suspicion remained in her 
mind nonetheless.

Come on, she shook herself mentally, It's nothing to get worked up over. 
She knew that she should have been as inconspicuous as possible, 
especially regarding her behavior of the day which she knew was well 
outside her normal demeanor. However, the moment she'd gotten that note, 
she knew exactly who it was from, and in spite of herself a small bubble 
of childlike anticipation had welled up inside her. But then, she always 
seemed to get that way when it came to HER anyway. As she walked along 
contemplating all this, a pair of dark arms grabbed her around the waist 
from behind one of the trees and pulled her backwards. She would have 
called out had that soft, sultry voice not spoken first.

"...Did you have any trouble figuring out where I would be?" Soi's head 
turned as much as was allowed to just catch the face of Shihouin 
Yoruichi smiling affectionately at her, the lack of clothing relaying 
that she'd been in her cat form until just recently.

"N-no, Yoruichi-sama. I...I had an idea that it would be here."

"But wait..." the former Second Captain said with a look of playful 
surprise, "...You're not my little Soi now, are you?"

"...Huh?"

"It's all this junk on your face..." Yoruichi muttered as she turned Soi 
around and began to wipe the thick make-up off with her forearm, in some 
cases smudging it slightly instead of making it better. "...Ahh! There 
she is!" the older woman finished with a smile once she had returned Soi 
to her original cleanliness, yet her face was now as red as if she had 
been caked in rouge.

"I...I apologize, Yoruichi-sama...I...I just thought that I 
would...um..."

"Hey..." Yoruichi silenced her with one of her smoldering gazes as she 
lifted her lover's face up so that they were eye-to-eye, "...You don't 
need any of that to get my attention. I'm here right now, aren't I?" Soi 
quietly nodded in the affirmative before Yoruichi leaned forward 
slightly and kissed her. It didn't take long for the surprise to wear 
off of the Captain, as she quickly began returning the older woman's 
affections with equal passion, small moans escaping her lips as 
Yoruichi's assuring caress pushed her senses over the edge. "Oh, by the 
way..." the vagabond said with a teasing smile as she suddenly broke the 
kiss, leaving Soi with her eyes shut and mouth slightly open in a state 
of complete bliss, "...sorry I wasn't as discreet as usual. I couldn't 
get a message to you any other way at the time."

"...It's...it's no...problem..." Soi managed in between hurried 
breathing as she tried to slow her pounding heart, then ultimately 
surrendered and began to passionately attack the skin of Yoruichi's neck 
and right shoulder, which earned her a surprised but satisfied yelp from 
the coffee-toned beauty.

"Mmm..." Yoruichi moaned slightly with a peaceful smile on her face and 
a glazed look in her eye as she guided the younger girl's innocent lips 
to the sensitive spot on her collarbone, "...You're being awfully 
agressive today. 'Been looking--ooh...oh, that's good...been looking 
forward to this?"

"Yes...Oh gods, yes," Soi half-whispered as she began to lavish her 
beloved's throat with adoration, resulting in Yoruichi's body 
involuntarily arching towards her. "...I haven't thought about anything 
else all day..."

"Well," Yoruichi said with a grin, "I hope you didn't act suspicious or 
anything like that..." Soi didn't answer her; she was too focused on the 
Goddess allowing her a few moments of dominance before she took her 
rightful position and reduced the proud Captain to little more than a 
babbling lovestruck idiot whose only coherent words consisted of 
Yoruichi's name and various pleas for more. Sure enough, the Shihouin 
soon began the task of disrobing her lover bit by bit, replacing the 
cloth with experienced lips that instantly sent Soi reeling.

"...Yoruichi-sama..." she half-moaned, half-whispered into Yoruichi's 
ear, urging her onward with a hungry twinkle in her golden eyes. Before 
she could even remove the top of the black Correction Corps uniform from 
Soi's shoulder, she heard the snapping of a twig in the distance and 
paused. After a while she smiled, then whispered to Soi as gently as she 
could.

"Hey, Soi..."

"...D...Don't stop...please..." Soi begged with dreamy eyes that 
screamed for Yoruichi and only Yoruichi to satisfy her.

"Yeah, about that," the God of Flash said loudly enough to be heard by 
the whole forest, "...It looks like you and I have some visitors." At 
that, Soi Fong's eyes went as wide as saucers and she slowly looked in 
the direction her lover was indicating, where the top of a very 
familiar, large head was poking out from behind some foliage. "All 
right, I know you're there," Yoruichi said with a slightly amused smile, 
though it didn't translate into her serious voice. Finally Hitsugaya, 
Matsumoto, Marechiyo and the rest of the 'observation squad' popped out 
from behind the bush, trying their best to look nonchalant but instead 
exuding a slight air of awkwardness. No one said anything (Soi was too 
embarrassed to speak) until the ever-tactless Yachiru broke the silence.

"Hey! What's that lady doing to Soi-cha--" at once, every available hand 
reached out to cover her mouth, but the damage was done. Yoruichi 
sighed, then bent down and quickly got dressed.

"Well, sorry Soi," the ex-Shinigami breathed with a shrug and a slight 
disappointed smile, "...But I don't feel like doing anything when I have 
an audience around."

"B-But..." the Captain stuttered, disbelieving at how quickly Yoruichi 
was leaving considering how long it had been since the last time they 
were together.

"Don't worry," Yoruichi smiled and winked, "I'll visit you the next time 
things are a little more...private. How about next week sometime?" 
Before Soi could protest, Yoruichi planted a parting kiss on her lips 
before Flash Stepping away in the blink of an eye.

"...Well," Hitsugaya said matter-of-factly, turning away from the 
location of the occurence and the speechless Captain standing there in a 
daze, "...False alarm, I guess. Although I can't say that I expected 
that..."

"I was TRYING to tell you, Captain," Rangiku said in annoyance, "...I 
saw her sneak off like that once a few weeks ago, and it had something 
to do with a cat too!"

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Ikkaku grumbled, pulling a stunned 
Renji and nosebleeding Hanatarou along with him. "Woulda saved everyone 
a bunch of trouble..."

"Well, I WANTED to! I just couldn't get a word in edgewi--"

"OHMAEDA!" The quintet froze and turned around slowly to see Soi Fong 
standing where she had been for the last few minutes, but now her dark 
eyes were burning with unspeakable fury. Her giant of a Vice-Captain, 
who had wisely begun tiptoeing away as soon as their presence had been 
revealed, stopped at the sound of his name with a face that looked like 
it was suspended in a state of perpetual fear.

"C-Captain...?"

"DON'T YOU 'CAPTAIN' ME! I CAN DEAL WITH YOU BEING AN OAF AND A GLUTTON, 
BUT YOU DO THIS SORT OF THING AND THAT JUST PUSHES MY LAST BUTTON! AND 
DON'T EVEN BOTHER SAYING THAT THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT!" The Shinigami 
present moved as far out of the Second Vice-Captain's way, the better to 
avoid being caught in the crossfire.

"C-Captain, wait! I really didn't--"

"THAT'S IT! YOU'VE PISSED ME OFF FOR THE LAST TIME!" The diminuitive Soi 
howled as she tore off the sleeves of her uniform and narrowed her eyes. 
"SHUNKOU!" With that, the Captain's upper body was enveloped in swirling 
energy that reduced the top of her robes to shreds, leaving only her 
comparatively skimpy Correction Corps uniform below. Marechiyo shrieked 
in fear as he set off at a desperate run, knowing all the same that it 
would only delay his eventual suffering by Soi Fong's hand. "DON'T THINK 
THAT YOU'RE MAKING THINGS BETTER FOR YOURSELF, OHMAEDA!"

The five Shinigami, however, only let out a relieved sigh as they turned 
away from the flashes of kidoh accompanied by yelling and screaming.

"Well, there's the Soi Fong we all know," Hitsugaya said with a wry 
smile.

"...You think that we should help him?" Hanatarou asked quietly, looking 
over his shoulder at the brute desperately trying to evade the misplaced 
wrath of his Captain.

"...Nah, he'll be fine," Renji said after a moment as they continued to 
walk away. All of them were grateful that everything was back to normal, 
and that none of them were in Ohmaeda's shoes.

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