If I Ever Lost You

a Bleach fanfiction by BebopSamurai

The heiress to the Shihouin clan leaned against the wall of the small 
hospital room, her arms crossed as she forced her eyes to gaze out the 
window.

"...Should you not be resting?" Yoruichi whipped her head in the voice's 
direction, making her hair sway wildly as it moved. The captain of Squad 
Four walked through the threshold, giving the leader of the Correction 
Corps one of her signature warm smiles. Yoruichi smiled back and nodded 
respectfully, but Unohana could tell that her reaction was somehow 
forced. She opted not to say anything regarding that, however.

"...Oh, I'm fine," Yoruichi said with a smirk as she shifted her weight 
on the wall, only to feel a stabbing pain in her side. She succeeded in 
not making a verbal protestation to the still-healing injury, yet 
Unohana had endured these false displays of bravado long enough in her 
time as a healer that she only gave a motherly sigh.

"Shihouin-sama, I insist that you return to your own room. It would not 
do well to have an avoidable death in this place, much less your own." 
The cocoa-skinned woman only chuckled in response. Unohana decided to 
drop the issue as she reached the bed upon which Soi Fong's unconscious 
body lay. There were a few IV's sticking out of her left arm and hanging 
on a portable rack near the bedside along with an oxygen mask tied 
around the Chinese girl's jaw. Yoruichi tried to keep her gaze on the 
cloudless blue sky, knowing that it was unwise to interrupt Unohana in 
the middle of her handiwork, but her eyes occasionally flitted over to 
where her subordinate slept quietly.

"...How is she?"

Unohana turned to the Correction Corps leader, who had presented the 
question in a convincing attempt at her normal devil-may-care tone of 
voice.

"Don't worry," the Fourth Squad captain said with a smile as she put the 
tools she'd used to examine the inert girl back into her long white 
robe. "...The poison's flushing out fine, and her wounds are healing 
nicely. She'll probably be ready to leave in another week or so." The 
sober look on Yoruichi's face softened slightly, but then reverted to 
normal in the blink of an eye. She nodded to show that she understood, 
but said nothing. The room was quiet for a moment before Unohana spoke 
again. "If I may be blunt, Shihouin-sama, you were fortunate that she 
was there when she was." Yoruichi blinked, then turned her face in the 
window's direction.

"...Yes..."

"There are others I must attend to," the gentle Captain said with a bow, 
which Yoruichi returned by lowering her head slightly. Before exiting 
completely, Unohana turned to Yoruichi at the threshold. "Oh, and I 
would avoid going LOOKING for Hollows in the future," she said with a 
knowing smile. The violet-haired woman opened her mouth to retort, but 
Unohana had already walked out of sight. Yoruichi sighed as her eyes 
turned from the doorway and slowly drifted, slowly, to Soi Fong. She 
stared at her sleeping bodyguard for about a minute before she realized 
that she WAS staring, though her mind was far away from the here and 
now.

If she hadn't been there...
Yoruichi remembered vividly how three nights ago, in a fit of insomnia 
and boredom, she had left her home in the dead of night hoping to find a 
Hollow or two to cleanse. It was so easy to avoid attracting her guard's 
attention that she had wondered if they were really necessary at all. 
After an hour's wandering in the woods beyond Soul Society she'd found 
one, but had fallen into the trap of thinking that its relatively small 
size would make it a minimal threat at best.

It was a rare mistake for the seasoned warrior and it may have been her 
last had her devoted subordinate not become aware of her master's 
absence. The Hollow taunted Yoruichi as she lay on the ground, 
struggling to get back up as blood flowed from a wound at her side. It 
growled viciously as its poisonous teeth spread apart, in an effort to 
swallow the wounded Shinigami whole. Instead its mouth collided with 
another body, a young girl who jammed her short Zanpaku-to into the roof 
of its mouth as the Hollow bit down on her shoulder. The unclean spirit 
howled in pain as the blade's owner collapsed to the ground. It only 
took Yoruichi a moment to realize that it was Soi Fong. Without a word, 
the golden-eyed woman glared at the Hollow before smashing her fist into 
the monster's mask, splitting it in half and reducing the Hollow to 
dust.

Yoruichi only spared a moment to catch her breath before hurrying over 
to her younger friend, lifting her head out of the growing pool of dark 
blood. Feeling a comforting presence beside her, Soi Fong slowly opened 
her eyes to see her beloved princess kneeling over her and failed to 
suppress a smile.

"...Y-Yoruichi-sama? You're all right..." The taller Shinigami 
positioned her arm to help Soi Fong to her feet. She was about to tell 
her not to talk when the Chinese girl, in a lapse of delirium set on by 
the poison coarsing through her bloodstream and the pain of the injury, 
lifted her hand and gently carressed the side of Yoruichi's face. In 
spite of the situation, the older woman jumped slightly at the 
unprovoked display of affection from her subordinate. "I'm...I'm 
glad..." she whispered before coughing up a spray of blood and drifting 
into unconsciousness.
Fearing the worst, Yoruichi had carried Soi Fong's body nearly a mile 
before she reached Squad Four, finally collapsing from her own 
forgotten-about injury once she reached their doorstep. The next thing 
she knew she had woken up in a hospital bed, bandages around her stomach 
where the Hollow had injured her. And so now here she stood, for the 
last two days, watching over the bedridden girl protectively. Yet the 
only thing Yoruichi could feel right now towards her was not gratitude 
or pity, but rather anger.

...If she hadn't been there...then she wouldn't be lying here right now. 
She'd still be safe and I'd be dead.

Yoruichi was not a woman who sought her own demise or who lived 
recklessly, but she did not fear it as others did. If she was to die, 
then she didn't want others to go with her to meet that fate. That was 
for her and her alone to deal with.

If I had been just a second slower, she could have...

She knew that Soi Fong was out of harm's way now, but even so she 
couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence. It didn't make any sense 
that the idea of her subordinate dying could make such a frank woman so 
fearful of a fact she was more than familiar with. It wasn't an uncommon 
story for people to be killed by Hollows-- she'd lost countless friends 
and companions to the mask-wearing demons enough that her sadness had 
gradually been numbed into a dull sting by time and frequency. There was 
no way she should be this concerned about Soi Fong, but she simply 
couldn't bring herself to leave the girl's side.

Why am I so worried about her? This is her job-- she knew what it 
involved when she accepted it.

But even as she thought that, Yoruichi knew she didn't believe her own 
words for even a minute. After all, this was the sort of thing that she 
had wanted to prevent when she had taken Soi Fong under her wing all 
those years ago. She couldn't explain why, but from the moment she had 
laid eyes on the young Chinese girl she had promised herself that she 
would protect her however she could. Soi Fong had vowed that she would 
be willing to die for her sake without hesitation, and Yoruichi had only 
smiled, accepting her words but feeling confident that her friend would 
never need to fulfill them. Now not only had she been proven wrong, but 
her closest companion had made a close brush with death in the process. 
It was beyond unacceptable.

I should be keeping her safe. Not the other way around. This is not how 
it should be. Damn her.

Yet her anger dissipated as she focused her gaze on the girl's face, 
somehow feeling calmer as she stared at Soi Fong's soft features. She 
couldn't hate Soi Fong for being the way she was. After all, she would 
do the same for her without a moment's hesitation...

Wait...why am I thinking that?

Yoruichi shook her head in an effort to rid herself of the thoughts 
running through her brain, but she knew deep down that it was true. 
Without her realizing it, Soi Fong had become such a big part of her 
life that she felt like...like... She wanted to say 'family,' but that 
somehow didn't seem like the right term for what she felt for her 
companion. One thing did seem right for embodying her emotions for Soi 
Fong, but the woman turned an uncharacteristic shade of red, 
simultaneously wondering where the thought hand come from and why she 
couldn't get it out of her head.

No...that can't be it... I...I can't feel that way about her, she's 
my...she's my...

She tried to think 'subordinate,' but her train of thought was derailed 
by the sound of bedsheets stirring a few feet away. She glanced up to 
see the object of her musings push herself up in the bed, rubbing the 
sleep out of her eyes as she mumbled incoherently. Yoruichi suddenly 
realized she was staring at her friend transfixed again, pulling herself 
together just as the girl in question turned turned drowsy eyes in her 
direction. Soi Fong blinked, then her eyes shot open and her face turned 
red upon seeing who was standing over her bed.

"Y-Y-Yoruichi-sama! Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"

At first the Shinigami could not speak, she was simply grateful that Soi 
Fong was back to normal and had to fight down the urge to hug her and 
scold her for being so reckless and tell her that she meant more to her 
than anyone else and that she didn't know what she would have done if 
she'd lost her. She pushed all these thoughts away when she realized 
that Soi Fong was staring at her intently, as if waiting for an answer.

"...Well, good to see that you're back!" Yoruichi said while grinning, 
switching back into her typical easygoing demeanor before Soi Fong could 
even register it. The Chinese girl put a hand to her bandaged shoulder, 
wincing as she rubbed the tender area.

"...I'm fine," Soi Fong said, instantly forgetting about her injury upon 
seeing her lady's smile. "...But what about you? You weren't hurt, 
right?"

"Thanks to you, Little Bee, I didn't get a scratch," Yoruichi lied 
calmly and was rewarded with a grateful sigh from the girl. The 
Shihouin, for all her strength in battle and her cunning that had gotten 
her out of countless scrapes and problems, could only stand paralyzed as 
Soi Fong raised her eyes to her master and smiled with unbridled joy.

"...I'm glad, Yoruichi-sama."

For a moment, all of Yoruichi's resolve threatened to disappear into 
thin air. She could only stare into the other girl's warm, dark eyes, 
transfixed against her will as though she'd been bound by Demon magic. 
She once again felt the urge to hold her in her arms, to forget about 
all the barriers and obstacles between them and simply surrender to the 
girl who'd charmed her without either of them realizing it. She wanted 
to say that she didn't want her to be a guard anymore, because she 
wanted her to be safe and happy and to be loved by her and only her...

"...Yoruichi-sama?"

The older woman blinked out of her reverie at the concerned tone in Soi 
Fong's voice, then quickly recovered her catlike grin and demeanor.

"...Well, hurry up and get better, Soi Fong," Yoruichi said as she 
headed out the door. "...I'll be expecting you back for work, remember." 
Sensing that the conversation had turned to business, Soi Fong dropped 
her childlike disposition for her formal, no-nonsense additude.

"I will, Captain!" she said seriously as Yoruichi nodded and headed 
toward her room, turning only to take a last satisfied glance at Soi 
Fong. She didn't see the quizzical look on the girl's face, who was 
uncertain if she had imagined the gentle, almost affectionate glint in 
her princesses' golden eyes.

A/N: Well, this is my first Bleach fanfic--I hope I haven't strayed too 
far from the characters. And yes, I am a die-hard Yoruichi/Soi Fong fan. 
Two badass characters-- seems right to me.

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