Losses
Let us consider the universe.
Okay, too big. Let us instead consider a certain building on a motion
picture studio lot, located somewhere within the wastes of the Otaku
Wars.[1] The studio is the Inevitable Outcome Productions main shooting
lot.
At one particular time, the recent past, a sixteen year old girl was
leaning back in her chair in the hairdresser's room, relaxing as two locks
of her lavender hair were twisted into her distinctive ringlets. She
stretched as the haircare droid did its work.
Just then, another sixteen year old girl with firey red hair strolled into
the room, whistling as she looked over a thick script.
The lavender haired girl opened her eyes to the whistling, and noted her
despised arch-nemesis' arrival. "Ah. Eiko. Nice to see you again," she
said without sounding very convincing.
"Hey, Biiko," Eiko Magami said absently.
"Is that the script for this new feature?"
Eiko nodded. "I picked up the other copy for Shiko ... you didn't get one
yet?"
Biiko Daitokuji gestured at the haircare droid. "I only got here half an
hour ago, and this has been keeping me busy. An interesting design concept
..."
Eiko's innately generous and kind-spirited nature warred with her certain
knowledge that Biiko would eventually twist the offer into an insult, and
there'd be a fight, which would get Shiko (who took her demand that they
stop fighting quite seriously) upset, before she sighed, and silently held
out a copy of the script.
Biiko's innately vicious and mean-spirited nature warred with her desires
to know what the new story was about and to handle something that would
eventually come into Shiko's possession, before she glowered, and silently
took the script.
"Rather heavy," she murmured.
"Megacrossovers tend to be."
Biiko examined the title. "Ani-mayhem: The Motion Picture?"
"Ranma, Tenchi, El-Hazard, BGC --"
"Ooh, hardsuits ..."
"-- Armitage, Dominion --
"Tanks, this is good, this is good ..."
"-- Yuugen Kaisya, and us. Oh, and the Goddesses show up in the final
scene, but they're just lost."
"I guess it was inevitable," Biiko murmured, flipping through the pages.
"I'm just surprised that, considering the director, he didn't try to bring
in the Sailor Senshi from Ms. Purvis' unofficial expansion ..." [2]
"Page 45."
Biiko checked page 45, and stared. "Those sex-droids from Armitage get
powerups from Washuu, and ... that's twisted." [3]
"It's just a good thing that they didn't get around to it until the second
set came out, with us in it," Eiko continued. "I haven't had a lot of work
lately."
"Excuse me?" Biiko bit out. "Which one of us actually got to be in Zen's
`Long and Winding Road', and which one of us was relegated to being
mentioned in passing as a new prospective fiancee for Ranma, who's only
interested in him because of his female form? The idea," she added, sotto
voce, "me being interested in that. Redheads aren't my type. In any event,
you have NO cause to complain, you little harridan! You get cameos at
least!"
Dead silence.
"Harridan?"
"I felt like a change from the usual `bitch' and `slut', but I'm not quite
ready to start calling you `breeder' yet," Biiko explained calmly.
"Oh well then," Eiko replied, holding onto her hair-trigger temper through
the use of reserves of willpower that she had never realized that she
possessed. Biiko tried and failed to hide her deep satisfaction at this.
Eiko just glowered at her.
"Want to run lines?" she finally asked.
"Might as well. Which page?"
Eiko flipped through the script. "Our first scene together is on page 71."
"Right. Ahem. `A-Ko! Today is the day that you're going to die!'"
"`B-Ko, do you have any idea how old that line's getting?'"
"Why do you say that? I don't think I've ever actually used that
particular --"
"No, but Ryoga, Ayeka, Largo, and Jinnai have used it in the scenes that
lead up to this one. I suspect it's intended to remind the readers that
this situation is fundamentally absurd."
"Very well then. `The oldest of tricks are those which work best.
AKAGIYAMA MISSILES!'"
"`Yawn. You do realize that --'"
"Is that the best yawn that you can do?"
"It's not supposed to be a real yawn, you sex-crazed megalomaniac, it's a
sarcastic yawn!"
"Sex-crazed WHAT? Eiko, if I could get out of these --"
"You mean you can't?"
"What? No, the cycle still has fifteen minutes to go."
"I see ... Anyway, getting back to the script." Eiko yawned dramatically.
"`You do realize that C-Ko won't be happy about this?"
"`Hah! I shall dry the tears that she will weep at your funeral with the
warmth of my embrace -- and together we shall know true fulfillment.'"
"`When are you going to get it through your lavender-tressed head that
C-Ko's not like that?'"
"`Insolent fool! I shall --' And then the dimensional portal opens up, and
we both stand there looking at it as though nothing like this has ever
happened to us before."
"Has anything like this happened before? Most of the crossovers that we've
been in have just plopped us down in the other series' world."
"I don't believe so. In any event, who should come striding through the
portal but Kuno Tatewa-- oh, right. Personal name first, family name last.
Tatewaki Kuno. With whom we both SAY WHAT?"
"Well, it's understandable. After all, Kunou has more than superficial
similarities to Mendou and Rei from Urusei Yatsura, and we both know who
Kei-kun was patterned on, right?"
"Ah, yes. It does make sense ... if one accepts the unlikely idea that I
would ever be attracted to a male ..."
"Biiko -- you were. Unless you want to start blabbering about Kei-kun
using pheromones, just deal with it. You like guys!"
"I do NOT! I ... I simply appreciate Kei-kun's feminine side."
"And what side would that be? The guy is a major hunk! An alpha male! You
just can't bear to admit that you were wr-rong about something like that
..."
Biiko reached up to her shoulder to tear her clothes off and reveal the
Akagiyama Power Suit ... and fortunately remembered at the last possible
moment that she wasn't wearing it right then. "Well, at the very least I
am only attracted to those who appreciate --"
Eiko began to laugh hysterically.
"Wretched Woman!" Biiko shouted over Eiko's giggles. "Breeder!"
"Y-you can't even get it through your h-h-head that Shiko isn't gay, and
--"
"How can she possibly avoid being homosexual if she's from an exclusively
female species?" Biiko interrupted.
Eiko's laughter stopped in mid "ha", and the "h"ing noise continued for
several seconds as her mouth hung open. Birds flew past, chirping noisily.
"Dear Goddess, you are a twit," Biiko muttered, placing a hand over her
eyes.
"Take that back," Eiko said.
Biiko lifted her hand, staring at her eternal adversary quizzically. "When
have I ever recanted --"
"Take that back."
Biiko blinked in confusion ... and then a slow, dangerous smile crossed
her classically beautiful features. "Why, Eiko-chan ..." she cooed. "Could
it be that you're ... uncomfortable with the idea that your best, dearest
friend in all the world actually --"
"SHUT UP."
"-- wants to get in the undies she took such pleasure in shouting about on
a certain shopping expedition?"
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH!" Eiko shouted. "How dare you talk about Shiko like
that!"
Biiko raised an eyebrow as she successfully fought the impulse to grin in
triumph. "Dear me. You can't accept Shiko as she is ... I wonder how long
it will be until she finds out, and whose arms she will run to when she
does --"
Eiko leapt off her stool, coming down hard enough to smash her footprints
into the floor. She grabbed Biiko's lower jaw in a tight grip, stilling
her voice.
Her eyes were full of fury as she spoke in a low tone. "Three dumb
mistakes, Biiko. One, you let me know that you couldn't move around. Two,
you didn't pull off your clothes, so I know that you don't have the Power
Suit. And three ... you really shouldn't have said such vicious, filthy
things about Shiko. Now ... I'm gonna have to punish you."
Biiko couldn't open her mouth, so no gasp came as Eiko tore her dress off,
leaving Biiko clad only in her lacy unmentionables. But her eyes expressed
her stunned amazement well enough.
"You filthy, lecherous witch," Eiko hissed. "This is the sort of thing
that you'd do to Shiko, isn't it? Isn't it!" She tightened her grip on
Biiko's jaw, forcing a yelping noise from Biiko. Eiko smiled savagely, and
transferred her grip to Biiko's throat. "Isn't it?"
"Eiko ... don't do this," Biiko said with greater calm than she felt.
"Why not? Isn't this the sort of thing that you'd do to Shiko if you ever
got your filthy depraved hands on her?" Eiko sneered as she traced the
lace on Biiko's brassiere.
"Yes, quite probably ... but you shouldn't do this ..."
"Why the hell not?"
Biiko took a deep breath. "Because you're supposed to save Shiko from the
wolf, not turn into it."
Eiko's hand froze.
Biiko measured time by her own heartbeat.
Suddenly, Eiko released her grip, and stepped back, looking very confused.
"I -- I -- I was going to --"
"You lost your temper, Eiko, that's all. Good people do things when they
lose their temper that they regret afterwards. It's the regretting that
makes them good people," Biiko said quietly. "I should know. I don't
regret anything."
Eiko stepped backwards, towards the door. She turned as if to run away ...
then paused, and turned back to look at Biiko, a small fragment of the
fire that her eyes had blazed still burning there. "Don't you dare tell
Shiko anything about this."
"One has some honor," Biiko said loftily.
Eiko turned away again, and ran out of the room. Biiko heard the sounds of
her breaking things as she did.
She waited a moment, then reached up to shut off the hairstyling droid.
Her weapon bracelet glimmered as she did so.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Notes
This bubbled up from the darker parts of my unconscious -- the same place
that gave me a lot of my very early successes -- after:
a) watching all four Project A-ko videos (other than the two Versus),
b) reading Henry Cobb's "Promises", and
c) buying Dream Park's Project A-ko role-playing game. (The idea, revealed
in its pages, that B-Ko "remembers" A-Ko's protecting C-ko from her as
A-ko rescuing C-Ko from a wolf was especially influential.)
There's a lot more going on in Project A-Ko than meets the eye, of course.
Anyone who doesn't think that there's as much subtext in, say, Cinderella
Rhapsody (my favorite, BTW) as there is in a typical Xena: Warrior
Princess episode has really missed the point, possibly of both.
Please don't interpret this as a "Chris hates A-Ko" fic. I don't hate
A-Ko. If anything, I empathize with her, as I've got a temper that's damn
near as bad as hers. But one of her problems is that she is more than just
a little overprotective of C-ko, and yet tends to undervalue her at times.
(That would certainly seem to be supported by the conclusion of "Project
A-Ko: Final")
By the way, I have no intention of ever writing "Ani-Mayhem: The Motion
Picture", so don't hold your breath.
Project A-Ko was created by and brought to North America by U.S. Manga
Corps. Ani-Mayhem was created by the Anime Cafe. This story, while
incorporating elements of fil ms and game s held under copyright by
others, is copyright 1997 of Chris Davies.
Nobody Sue Me Okay?
Ah, the endnotes.
[1]In the event that you're not familiar with the Otaku Wars, they can be
summarized in three words: GRIT on AFSM.[4]
[2]Available at http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/anicards.html
[3]Technically, the makers of this story could get away with this, since
one of the cards from the expansion set that I've seen clearly shows the
two sex-droids from Armitage III that look like Sailor Mercury and Sailor
Mars.
[4]I am aware that that's one word and two acronyms. But it would be silly
to say "in ten words: The Great Ranma Insanity Thread On
alt.fan.sailor-moon."
Project A-Ko: Losses, 05/04/97
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