A Shadowlander’s Dream: Book Three - Rules of the Flesh
Written by Kathryn K Williams
Chapter Five
Back on the third floor Alyson twisted and turned in her bed as memories from her past invaded her sleep.
“Thank you so much, Mother.” A six-year-old Alyson exclaimed in delight as she held her new birthday dress up to herself and spun around, watching the way the pink ruffled fringe moved as it flowed around her legs.
Her mother smiled, “I’m so glad you like it. I was worried it was too frilly for you.” She said guiltily.
“It is wonderful!” Alyson wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and gave her a tight hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, than-“
“I’ve had enough of this!” Alyson’s father growled in disapproval and got up from his place upon the sofa chair in the corner, “That’s enough Linda.” He grabbed the dress from Alyson and yanked it from her hands, holding it out of the girl’s reach, “You have to stop this insanity.”
Alyson cringed against her mother for protection while her mother stood to her feet and held the girl close to her side, stroking the girl’s long curly light brown hair, “Leave her alone Fred. Will you just let her be for once?”
“This isn’t normal.” Fred angrily shook the dress at the woman, “That child is not normal. You can’t keep doing this, it’s not healthy.”
Linda cradled her child in her arms, “She is normal.” She screamed, “She is no different then any other girl. I told you she was different when we met and you said you were fine with her.”
Fred shook his head and pointed at Alyson, “That was before I realized just what kind of abomination that child is.” He roared, “I can see why your ex husband left you, I wouldn’t want to admit that that things spawned from me.”
Linda glared at the man, “Stop speaking about her in that way. If you don’t want to be around her then maybe I was wrong to get remarried.”
Fred glared at the woman, “Are you considering leaving me?” He snarled, “I took you in when you were living off scrapped and even took in that child of yours and you are considering leaving me?”
“I told you that my daughter was part of the package and if you can’t accept that then-“ Linda’s proud speech was abruptly cut short as her husband’s hand struck her across the face, sending the woman sprawling to the ground. She glanced up at the man with a shocked look upon her face and a hand to her cheek, “Y… you hit me…” She said in confusion.
Her husband towered over her, “I’ve had enough of this crap. You’re not well and I know exactly what to do to fix the problem.” His eyes turned on Alyson, who now cowered behind the dinning chair that her mother once sat, “That child has to go.” He insisted, stomping over to the girl.
Linda grabbed onto the man’s leg and pulled at his trousers, “You can’t do this!” She frantically exclaimed, “She’s all I have.”
Fred kicked his wife off of him and grabbed Alyson by the arm, “Soon I’ll be all you have, which is how it should be.” He stated firmly as he pulled Alyson across the room and towards the door.
“Please!!” Linda cried out, reaching for her daughter, “You can’t take her from me. She needs me!!”
Fred silently pulled on his boots with his free hand, still holding the struggling girl in his other hand, ignoring the cries of his wife and the child. Lifting Alyson off the ground he took her from the house and pushed her into the car, then got in himself.
Alyson cringed in the passenger seat as her stepfather drove through the city on their way to places unknown. Before long they arrived at a large steel gate set in a long, high stonewall. The man rolled down his window and pushed an intercom next to gate and spoke into it for a moment. Alyson glanced around to see a brass plaque upon the gates that read, “Kentland orphanage” and fear ran through the girl’s mind as she glanced over at the man beside her. The gates began to slowly open with a hum of motors and Alyson stared out the front window of the car as it crept on the property, before them rose a large old brick building several floors high and with many windows. As they rolled up to the front doors a woman dressed in a long brown dress came out of the building and down a large set of stone stairs.
Alyson turned her frightened eyes to her stepfather, who turned away and stared out the side window. The passenger side door opened and the woman knelt beside the car.
“Hello there.” The woman greeted Alyson with a smile, “Welcome to your new home. If you come with me we’ll get you settled.” The woman held out her hand to the girl.
Again Alyson looked over at her father. She had been very young when her real father left her mother and her in the middle of the night, and she had known the man beside her for several years. She considered the man her real father and truly thought that he loved her, but as she sat there she was finding herself uncertain of anything, “Dad?” She inquired in confusion.
Fred’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he shook his head, “I’m sorry.” He muttered softly, “Your mother… she is not well. She needs a real child and you need someone who can take care of you better then I could. Go with the nice lady and hopefully one day you’ll come to forgive me.”
Tears filled Alyson’s eyes and she shook her head, “I don’t want to go.” She cried out, grabbing the sleeve of her father’s shirt, “I want to stay with you and mom. I’ll be a good girl. I promise, please don’t make me leave.”
Her father sighed, “I’m sorry, it’s already too late.” He carefully peeled the girl’s fingers from her sleeve, “I’ve already signed you over to these people, I’m sure they will find someone better for you.”
The woman took Alyson’s hands and started to ease her out of the car, “Come with me. We’ll take good care of you.” She stated with a smile.
Alyson found herself unable to fight back as she was lured from the car, her eyes never leaving her father, “Dad, please!!!” She cried out, “Don’t leave me here.”
“Now don’t fuss.” The woman said as she closed the car door and waved to her father, who slowly drove away.
Alyson sobbed as she watched the car passed thought the gates again and disappear from sight.
“Come come.” The woman patted Alyson upon the shoulder, “There is no need for tears. Be glad your parents are live, unlike many of the other less fortunate children here.” She started to usher the child towards the stairs, “We should get you out of the cold and find you a room before it gets too late, but first you need a physical.”
Alyson allowed herself to be lead thought the building and into a small room near the front entrance. The room had a couple of small beds lined up against the wall and white curtains on tracks that circled around the beds. There were also several metal carts covered in needles and other medical equipment that frightened the girl even more then she already felt. The woman brought Alyson to one of the beds and lightly seated her upon it.
“Doctor, will you give this girl an examination when you are don’t there?” The woman inquired, pointing to Alyson. Alyson turned to find was another woman, this one dressed in a long lab coat, taking blood from a small orange haired girl of about the same age as Alyson on the bed next to her.
“Alright. I’m almost done here.” She removed needle from the girl’s arms and removed the tourniquet, “There you go.” She said with a smile as she placed a cotton ball to the girl’s arm and affixed it in place with a piece of medical tape, “That was a good girl.” She patted the girl on the head and picked up a tray of veils of blood, “I’ll be back in a minute.” She said to the other woman.
“Alright.” The first woman nodded and turned to Alyson, “That is the doctor and she’ll ask you a few questions in a moment and then we’ll find you a room with the other girls soon enough.” She explained and then quickly left the room.
The small girl with orange hair circled around the bed, watching Alyson closely, “Are you new here?” She inquired curiously, holding her arm close to her body.
Alyson slowly nodded.
The girl smiled at Alyson, “I’ve been here a month now.” The girl said, “It is alright, but they said I will be moved to a foster home soon.” She explained with a frown.
“I don’t belong here.” Alyson stated miserably, “I want to go home to my mom.”
The girl cocked her head to the side, “Is she alive?” Alyson nodded, “Mine died.” The girl said and glanced down at her shoes, “I don’t want a new mom.” She explained with a sigh and then glazed up at Alyson and smiled, “A sister would be nice. I’ve always wanted a sister.” She moved closer to Alyson, causing Alyson to slide away from the girl, “Maybe we’ll be put in the same home together. Would you be my sister?”
Alyson shrugged uncertainly, a sister was a nice idea, “I… I would like that.” She said with a small smile.
The doctor returned and smiled at the two girls, “Amber are you bothering the new girl?” She inquired playfully.
The girl shook her head; “She looked frightened so I wanted to cheer her up.” The girl explained, “She said she will be my new sister.” She said with a wide grin.
The woman patted the girl on the head, “That was nice of you. You should head back to your room.” She suggested, “I need a moment with the new girl.”
Amber nodded and smiled at Alyson, “I hope we are roomed together.” She said as she left the room, “See you later.”
“So who might you be?” The woman inquired in a friendly voice as she glanced over clipboard in her hands and walked over to Alyson, “Alyshione?” She read off the chart, pronouncing it Ali-she-on-eh, “That is quite a name, makes think of Allusion.” She partly said to herself with a slight chuckle then turned to the girl, “Do you have a nick name?”
“A… Alyson.” She said softly, “Mom always called me Alyson.” She said with a small amount of pride.
The nurse scribbled something down on the paper before her, “Is that so?” She muttered, “That is a very nice name.” She set the clipboard down on a cart next to the bed and pulled one of the curtains around the bed, “Could you take off your clothes so we can get a good look at you.”
Alyson wrapped her arms around herself guardedly, “W… why?” She asked worriedly
“I just need to give you a check up to see how healthy you are.” The woman explained with a smile, “It will only take a moment.”
Alyson shook her head; “I’m not supposed to take my clothes off for anyone.” She stated as she recalled a warning from her mother regarding the situation. Her mother was very insistent that no one see her nude and even when they went swimming her mother would make sure the girl had her swim suit on under her clothes and wouldn’t even allow her to change out of the suit when it was wet, leaving the girl wrapped in a towel until she was dry and then dressing her in the same clothes as before, even if she was still a little damp.
“I’m a doctor so you don’t have to worry about me.” The woman stated with assurance, “I’ll not touch you anywhere you don’t feel comfortable with, but we need to give you a check up.” She picked up the clipboard again and skimmed it, “According to this your parents have not taken you to a doctor in a long while so we need to make sure you are health and probably give you a shot.”
Again Alyson shook her head and hugged herself tightly as more tears began to formed, “I… I can’t…” She cried.
The doctor set down the clipboard with a disappointed sigh, “Do I have to do it for you?” She inquired in annoyance, “It is getting late and you will need to be assigned to a room so please do as your told.”
Alyson did not like the tone of the woman’s voice and cringed at the sound, “A… alright…” She finally complied and reached behind her back to unzip her dress, slowly pulling it off and folding it up on the bed.
“Good girl.” The woman circled around the bed and began to examine the girl, checking her eyes, ears and throat, as well as listening to her heart and taking her blood pressure. When she was done she smiled at the child, “That is very good, now we just need you to do a couple more things and we’ll be done.”
Alyson rubbed at her bare arms and nodded, anxious to get her examination over with.
The woman handed her a small plastic cup with an orange screw on lid, “Could you please fill this for me?” She asked politely.
Alyson stared at the cup in confusion, “Fill it?” She asked curiously, “With what?”
The woman shook her head and laughed, and then stopped when she saw the embarrassed look upon the girl’s face, “It is true… You really haven’t had a check up before have you?” She asked seriously.
Alyson slowly shook her head.
The woman held the cup out to the girl, “I just need you to go into the washroom over there and pee into the cup.” She explained as she pointed at a door across the room.
Alyson took the cup and stared at it, “Pee in it? Why?”
The woman sighed, “We need to check your urine. Do you need some help or can you do it yourself?”
Alyson shrugged uncertainly, “I… I don’t know.” She replied nervously.
The doctor took the cup from Alyson’s hand, “Here, I’ll help you then.” She took Alyson by the hands and led her to the washroom, where she closed the door, “Take off your underwear please.”
Alyson moved into a corner of the room, her eyes darting around uneasily, “D… do I have too?”
The woman sighed again, “We are almost done here, so please don’t give me trouble.” She stepped over to Alyson, who backed into the corner.
Alyson’s hands moved to cover her crotch and she shook her head violently.
“If you don’t take them off, I will.” The woman stated firmly.
Reluctantly, not wanting to be subjected to the woman’s wrath, Alyson slowly pulled her panties down and the woman’s smile quickly turned to a look of shock. She turned to the clipboard that she still held in her hand, “You are a girl, aren’t you?” She flipped through the paged on the clipboard, “I thought for sure your sex was written here before.” She stared down at Alyson, who curled up on the corner, holding her knees close to her chest, “W… what are you?”
*******
Alyson sat up right in her bed and clenched at her bandaged right arm in agony. A swell of pain whirled through her mind and she clenched her teeth against it as she blindly reached out for a bottle of painkillers next to her bed and popped several pills in her mouth and washed it down with a glass of water left next to the pills. She leaned over the edge of her bed as the memories of her sixth birthday swam through her mind, memories that she forced from her mind years ago. For some reason after Kim disappeared she felt something indescribably overcome her heart and mind. The wave of energy that exploded from the girl left an imprint in Alyson’s mind and it brought about thoughts and feelings she had not faced in many years. Over the years she had forgotten those days at the orphanage. After that woman saw her body she ran out of the washroom and called in many others to look at her. She was subjected to being poked and probed among other humiliation. She never understood why her mother was so protective of her and that day she had the facts about her existence thrust rudely in her face. She was not born a normal child, and she was finally realizing why it was that her fathers wanted nothing to do with her. She was neither a girl nor a boy and this confused the organizers of the orphan to the point that they did not know where to place her in the orphanage.
Many doctors came to look at her and she overheard as they talked about her unique condition. It would take her a long time before she realized fully what was different about her from other children. She was born with ambiguous genitals that made it hard to determine her exact sex. The doctors referred to her condition as intersexism* and from what she gathered her mother must have stopped the doctors from correcting her physic upon her birth, which they normally did, and as such she had an over developed clitoris and an underdeveloped vagina, that would never fully mature. She learned just how much this would affect her physically much later in life, when her period never arrived and her voice began to crack while small breasts began to form and her face became more boyish with every passing year.
Not wanting to face the humiliation of the doctors and organizers of the orphanage Alyson escaped the confines of her prison during one of her examinations and managed to slip from the orphanage without anyone being aware. Her stay at the orphanage was merely a few months long, but the time she was there forced her to face who she truly was, be it female or male. Not wishing to make the decision herself she fled to the home of her mother and stepfather, only to find the house empty and a “For Sale” sign outside of the building. Tears splashed forth from her as the realization of her loneliness began to settle upon her mind. She walked the streets of the city in search of her mother, knowing far to well that it was more than likely that her stepfather had spirited the woman far from that city to start over again somewhere else. Before long she found herself wandering a strange dark alley that she did not remember seeing before.
As she wove her way through the alley she abruptly stopped as a strange cloud began to flow around their feet and something snaked between their legs. Frightened she curled up next to a nearby dumpster, praying that whatever creature lingered in that fog would not come after them. Her prayers fell upon deaf ears for an enormous albino snake emerged from the fog, its red eyes glaring down at the child. She watched as the snake’s mouth opened wide and she was certain that this creature could easily swallow a car, never mind a small child. She closed their eyes and awaited her appending death when something sliced through the air and a something heavy landed at her feet. Cautiously Alyson opened one eyes and saw the head of the snake begin to turn back into the mist of which it came and a tall shadowy form stood over the child blocking out the light.
The person stared down at her, backlit by the sun overhead. “You shouldn’t be here boy.” A deep voice scolded from the depths of the shadows.
Alyson’s eyes lowered, but she did not speak. The orphanage had given her baggy grey sweat pants and sweaters to wear, not sure what she should be dressed in, but not wanting to enforce either gender. The clothes did not help her situation and she longed to wear a dress once again and let out a sign at this person mistakening her for a boy.
The person knelt next to her and shadows melting away from him revealing a man with a long angular face surrounded by wavy white curls and a long white cloak flowed around his shoulders. He studied her closely, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a boy.” He set a long sword upon the ground and Alyson glanced down at it. The man followed the girl’s gaze and held the sword out to the child, “Have you not seen a sword before?”
She shook her head quickly, her eyes never leaving the gleam of the gems encrusted in the hilt.
“You can touch it if you like.” The man offered, holding the sword out towards her.
Cautiously she reached out and flinched as the man moved the sword closer, then lightly touched the surface and smiled at the feeling of the silk straps that covered the handle.
“Do you like swords?” The man asked curiously.
Alyson slowly nodded.
The man rested an arm upon his knee and watched the child closely, “Do you not have a home?”
She quickly shook her head miserably.
The man let out a sigh, “If you promise to follow everything I say you can come home with me.” The man offered, “I’ll even teach you how to handle a sword if you like.” He offered holding out the sword to the girl again, “What do you say?”
Alyson liked the prospect of learning to handle a sword more then anything else, but she feared what the man would think if he were to discover the truth of her body and she frowned, wrapping her arms around her waist and curling up into the wall behind her.
The man mirrored her frown, “Are you scared of me?” He inquired disappointedly.
Alyson shook her head and lowered her eyes. She tried to find her voice and when she spoke it was only a squeak of her real voice, “I… I’m a… a monster…” She whispered, “You will hate me in time.” She admitted with a sigh.
The man laughed, “I do not think you are a monster.” He said with a grin, “You just look like a confused child. I’ll give you a place to figure out who you are, and the skills to protect yourself if you wish, just said the word and I will give you everything you ever desired, even if that desire is revenge on those who harmed you.”
She did not wish revenge, but the idea of being able to protect herself was something she desired, a small smile played across her face and she nodded.
The man held the sword out closer to her, “Take hold of the sword and promise me. Promise me your loyalty and that you will obey my every command.”
This time she did not hesitate and placed a hand upon the hilt of the sword, “I promise.”
The man went by the name of Drake Dalfort and he would refer to Alyson as his sister from that day on and this made Alyson’s wounded heart swore. Even after he helped her wash the dirt of several day living on the streets from her body he still referred to her as his little sister. He did not appear surprised by her unusual body and even comforted her when she cried through the first few nights and taught her the ways of the sword during the day. He never questioned her gender or forced her to dress any certain way, he showed up with dresses upon her request and when she was twelve she nervously requested more boyish attire and for her hair to be cut short. With the changes to her body she was beginning to feel that boyish clothes suited her better then dresses, which were feeling a little too awkward on her, never mind they were not appropriate for her continuing training. He did not refuse, instead he showed up the next day with an array of t-shirts and jeans for her and on her sixteenth birthday, nearly ten years after she moved in with the man, he gave her the very leather jacket that she now wore everywhere she went.
Alyson would roam the Alleys at every night if he commanded it, battling Cloud Snakes, Flame Puppies, Rock Falcons and River Cats, anything was better then returning to that orphanage or living on the streets. She had no concerns for her own life and was willing to give it to this man if he desired. She had forced herself to forget her past, told herself her life was better with Drake no matter how much she awoke with bruises and cuts upon her body, a sign of the pact that she made to the man all those years ago and the reason for her arm and leg being bandaged at that time. That was until she met Natalie and started to fall in love with the girl. Natalie changed everything and soon Alyson found herself disobeying her brother’s very orders, even sneaking behind his back.
This was not like her and at first she could not understand why she was acting this way, she owed everything to her brother and she felt guilty for disobeying his orders. She got up from her bed and hobbled over to one of the desk chairs, favouring her right leg and gazing upon her reflection on the circular mirror that sat upright on her roommate’s desk. Her undamaged hand shakily moved to her face and she clawed at the flesh of her cheek, pulling at the skin exposing the pink flesh under her eye. She struggled with the urge to dig her short nails deep into her flesh and tear off her own skin, longing to find a more feminine face underneath that boiish one that stared back at her. There was no way that Natalie would have the same feelings and yet the very chance that the girl might accept her, every part of her, gave her reason to abandon her brother.
She wished she did not have to choose between the two of them, wished she could just stay with Natalie without her brother causing trouble, but she knew that he would disapprove of them being together, even though he allowed her to keep the girl in her room and train her. Alyson just never expected him to become so violent, her eyes drifting to the still fading bruises that his hands had left around her wrists. He recently started reminding her that she did not belong amongst the girls of Whispering Hills, even though he was the one to talked her into going to the school when Natalie brought up the subject. All those years she thought he accepted her and now she realized that he was just planning to use her differences against her, to keep her on a tight leash. She had kept her secret safe from the others girls until then, but it was only a matter of time before they figure out her ruse, or her brother exposed her. Nurse Amy already knew and she bet that the Head Mistresses did as well. Why did she have to live like this? Always keeping secrets? Not able to be herself? She cursed her boiish nature and looks, longing to look like all the other girls, wanting nothing more then to be normal like everyone else, but she would have to live with this curse all of her life and have to hide in the shadows no matter how much she wanted to scream out.
A choked sob escaped her lips as she thought of being close to Natalie. She longed to hold the girl close to her, feel the girl’s skin against her own, to allow the girl to touch her in the loving way she saw so many of the other girls of the Western Dorms touch each other. She always stopped herself from being tender with Natalie for fear of what the girl would think if things lead to activities other then kissing. However, the sight of Kima with Natalie, crawling over her, hand up Natalie’s skirt, made Alyson’s chest ached as she thought of Natalie’s fingers tracing their way between her own legs and fear etched through her mind at Natalie’s reaction to her deformity.
She had to admit that being around the girls of Whispering Hill had begun to make her feel better about her looks, she even took on the title of being one of the bois, just like Jessica, the head of the Western Dorms, and even accepted her role as one of the school’s Princes, in fact she lavished in it after discover a girl as handsome as Kris, a former Death Angel of all things, was one of the others titled as such, she also felt shame for she didn’t deserve such a title. If she was to be the boi then she would play the role, but she so longed to just be a girl, to be protected, to be held and to be loved… She felt jealous and ashamed as her period never came, even at eighteen, and her breast never grew beyond the small buds upon her chest. They only added to her embarrassment and made her stay in the dorms all the more emotional for her. She wanted nothing more then to stay in the dorms with the girls she was starting to consider her friends. Wanted to share the same room as Natalie and tell her just how she felt, ever last detail, but fear would keep her words trapped deep inside of her heart and nothing would free it of its bounds.
Suddenly she realized that she had been crying as tears circled around her finger tips and she removed her hand from her cheek to see several crescent marks left by her nails and she let out a low sob as she rested her head in her arm upon the desk and cried, letting her sadness fill her and take over her mind.
*Author’s notes: After receiving several letters regarding Alyson, inquiring if she was either a Male-to-Female Transgender or she-male *shutters at that word*. I decided to finally come right out and explain her situation. Alyson is an Intersex, which means she was born with the qualities of both male and female. This is sometimes confused for Hermaphroditism, but in truth a Hermaphrodite is more of a myth, it is someone who has the genitals of a male and female, while an Intersex is someone who is born somewhere in between to two. There are many variations of intersexes in the world and they are very rare, some have a mix of both genitals, while others have hormonal issues that can make them very androgynous. In Alyson’s case she was born with an enlarged Clitoris and her Vagina is practically closed, making intercourse next to impossible for her. So now there should be no more confusion about her nature. I’ve been meaning to bring this up for a while now, I just did not know how to go about it until now, thanks to reading the manga, I.S., which is one of the reasons for the rewrite of this book, thank you for reading this and sorry for not being upfront with you all before. If you wish to learn more about intersexism then I’d suggestion checking out http://www.isna.org/
*****
To be Continued . . .
*****
Note: The world of the Shadowlands, Its stories, Characters and ideas are a copyright of Kathryn K Williams.
This story is based upon my manga of the same name. If you wish to view art from this series please visit my deviant arts site at: http://shinigami-shimai.deviantart.com/
For more of my stories visit my deviant hearts site at: http://www.devianthearts.com/viewuser.php?uid=159
Also if you spot any typos or other errors please contact me at katwilliams @ rogers.com
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