Muñeca de Trapo.
- I'm in love!
The ecstatic exclamation on one blue eyed blonde was enough to sink one raven-haired amethyst eyed miko in the deepest despair. At the time, of course, it had been out of the question to react the way she had wanted to; instead, she smiled in the same way her best friend was doing, having grown quite good at pretending joy even when such an emotion was as far from her actual feelings as Mexico from Japan in almost every possible way.
Como esos cuadros que aun están por colgar,
Como el mantel de la cena de ayer,
Siempre esperando que te diga algo mas,
Y mis sentidas palabras no quieren volar.
The hidden truth behind Hino Rei's life was one of fear, generally of losing, some times, even if the possibility was basically non existent, of just risking; for all the noise she made, the reality was: that the reason she'd give life and soul for her friends derivates directly from the fear of losing them. So it's not all that surprising that when she realized- a very inappropriate word for the occasion, for there was no such revelation or surprise, just the acceptance that had a long time coming- she was in love with the one and only Senshi of Love, she immediately decided to keep shut, the stakes being too high, so much more than she was willing to put in the line.
Putting emotional distance between them was, at that stage, pointless, so she resolved to become such a good actress her loved one would be envious were she to ever find out, not that she would for that'd mean she would have to give a world of explanations she just didn't want to think about; and so, to the day, she could say no one knew about her feelings, some might suspect it, but no one knew and that's what mattered anyway.
Lo nunca dicho se disuelve en te,
Como el infiel dice nunca lo haré,
Siento que estoy en una cárcel de amor,
Me olvidaras si no firmo mi declaración.
Well, having said that, let's add that; besides fear her life was also marred by silence; some times, a loud silence, the kind that made some of her friends believe her in love with their princess, (she hadn't even dignified that with an answer, the mere notion was Idiotic); other times, the impenetrable one that had her, for the last six and a half months, listening to everything there, ever, was to be known about Minako's beau, most of it (what mattered to her anyway) she didn't even want to know to begin with; but she endured it, after all, Minako was happy and what else could she ever ask for.
Me abrazaría el diablo sin dudar,
Por ver tu cara al escucharme hablar,
Eres todo lo que mas quiero,
Pero te pierdo en mis silencios,
Curiously enough, most she would ask for had nothing much to do with what she wanted the most.
Mis ojos son dos cruces negras,
Que no han hablado nunca claro,
Mi corazón lleno de pena,
Y yo una muñeca de trapo.
- I'm in love!
Four words, four simple, short and, separately, totally innocuous words: a pronoun, a verb's auxiliary, a conjunction and a verb. But, put together, put together were a single implacable knife through her heart, twisting at five thousand revolutions per second with her Senshi resilience working at 200% it's usual.
Cada silencio es una nube que va,
Detrás de mi sin dejar de llorar,
Quiero contarte lo que siento por ti,
Y que me escuche hablar
La luna de enero mirándote a ti.
- I'm in love!
Estrange, if she were Mamoru or even Makoto, she'd be sure the sky was sympathetic to her pain, as the rain seamed to reflect her own emotions. Some times, like that oppressive kind of pain, the one that holds you just this side of consciousness, but does not allows you to do anything else, not move, barely breath; others, a raging, strong and angry, destructive kind of pain, the aneurism kind, the broken eye vessels kind, the broken fingers, bleeding knuckles kind; but more often than not, more often than not, it was a tame, too tired, too numb to care, a languid, borderline dying one.
Me abrazaría el diablo sin dudar,
Por ver tu cara al escucharme hablar,
Eres todo lo que mas quiero,
Pero te pierdo en mis silencios,
- I'm in love!
Minako was in love and she, she was a mess, happy for Minako's happiness, pained ‘cos it wasn't whit her, enraged at him for "taking her away", at herself for not taking her chances, relieved ‘cos maybe now Minako would have someone to love her who wouldn't be afraid to show her, and because if he really was the one, maybe her silence had been, if terribly painful, the right choice in the end. Yes, she was a mess...
Mis ojos son dos cruces negras,
Que no han hablado nunca claro,
Mi corazón lleno de pena,
Y yo una muñeca de trapo.
- I'm in love!
The words were still echoing in the recesses of her bedroom, leaving her with nowhere to hide, empty eyes burning a hole in the ceiling above her bed. Was it natural? She had lived most her life in the temple, in that same room, and she still couldn't remember it ever being so cold in there. Or it might be... yes, that most be it, the little flame that was her hope had finally been extinguished, leaving just a cold void where her metaphorical heart should have been. The tears had ceased hours ago, but the... pain? No, that wasn't pain. Without her heart how could she feel pain? It was simply impossible, but that loud numbness vibrating in her ears, that would, possibly, be her one companion for life and eternity, and considering just how long her life was supposed to be, we might as well have been speaking of just one of them, hell is hell anyway no matter how long, and with a thousand years ahead, that just seams enough without adding the afterlife to it.
No tengo miedo al fuego eterno,
Tampoco a sus cuentos amargos,
Pero el silencio es algo frío,
Y mis inviernos son muy largos,
- I'm in love!
- And so am I, Minako-chan- she whispered to the darkness in response to the ghostly voice to haut her- it's just a shame I couldn't be with one another...
Ya a tu regreso estaré lejos,
Entre los versos de algún tango,
Por que este corazón sincero
Murió en su muñeca de trapo.
A sob broke the silence outside her room, only heard by a worried old man, saddened by his granddaughter's suffering.
Authoress' notes:
How do you like it? Wanna kill me? I don't blame you, (believe me), and here's a rough translation of the song:
Rag Doll.
Like those painting yet to be hanged,
Like yesterday dinner's tablecloth,
Always expecting me to tell you something more,
And my heartfelt words that don't want to fly.
All never uttered dissolves in tea,
Like the unfaithful say "I never will",
I feel like I'm in a love's jail,
You'll forget me if I don't sign my declaration.
Without a doubt would the devil embrace me,
To see your face when you hear me talk,
You're everything I love the most,
But I loss you by my silences,
My eyes are two dark crosses,
That have never spoken clearly,
My heart's filled with pain,
And I'm a rag doll.
Every silence' like a cloud that goes,
Behind me without stop crying,
I want to tell you what I feel for you,
Heard by the January's moon,
Looking at you.
Without a doubt would the devil embrace me,
To see your face when you hear me talk,
You're everything I love the most,
But I loss you by my silences,
My eyes are two dark crosses,
That have never spoken clearly,
My heart's filled with pain,
And I'm a rag doll.
I fear not the eternal fires,
Nor do I fear their bitter tales,
But silence' something cold,
And my winters are so long,
By your return I'll be far from here,
Amongst the verses of some tango,
Because this honest heart,
Died within it's rag doll.
Sad isn't it? But I liked it so very much!!
Finally, before you leave, don't forget to tell me what you think, I still have a lot to learn and I'm an eager student. Hoping to hear from you:
Nofret.