Chapter Three: To confide, or not to...
Tish stood out on the boardwalk near the beach, a small thing of fries she had gotten from the Snack Shack in hand. She ate the chips one at a time, all the while watching for Lor to arrive where she had been told to meet her.
It had been rather early this morning, she had gotten a phone call from what could be described as a very tired sounding Lor. The girl had said very little to Tish, but wanted to meet her at the beach as early as possible. Now as the clock read coming on to nine thirty in the morning, it was the time the blonde girl had stipulated to her.
Tish had found it rather odd of the girl to phone that early on a Sunday morning. Lor usually slept in until around eleven, then always was late meeting up with the gang as they gathered to have a breakfast together and map out just what they were going to do for the day. She had phoned at eight, just as Tish had just gotten up and was reading for having her usual shower.
Tish caught sight of Lor coming up the boardwalk, passing a older man who had stopped to gaze out at the water. By the body language of the girl, Tish could see two things for sure. The girl seemed very tired, the second thing was that there was a purposeful look in the girl’s baby blues.
Tish smiled, as Lor finally got to where she stood.
" Hey..." She said, popping a fry into her mouth.
" Hey..." Said a tired voiced Lor. " Thanks for meeting me like this."
" I was up when you phoned..." She started. " But I cant help think what you were doing up so early."
Lor gave a sarcastic giggle.
" I was up most of the night... I could not sleep."
" Could not sleep?" Echoed Tish, now understanding why the girl looked so haggard and drawn out this bright morning. " You did not sleep any last night?"
" Only slept a little." Finished the girl.
The brainy girl nodded, eyeing the girl to read the facial expression. It was one that Tish had never seen before, one that said she had been thinking on something for quite a while. She tried to add all of the signs up in her head, but still could not figure out just what was going on with Lor.
" So... what is up?" The girl asked then, taking a more direct rout to see just what it was.
Lor seemed to hesitate, as she looked at Tish. The brainy girl noted this as another thing that the blonde girl was not known for. She waited to see if the girl might talk, but there simply was a very long pause between Lor’s words.
Finally, the blonde tomboy spoke.
" Could we go to the tree, you know... where we usually meet up after school?" Lor asked.
" Uh, sure we could..." Started Tish, now really curious about this early morning meeting. " Why?"
" I want a place without too many people around." Admitted the girl. " An’ I wanna talk to you."
The brown haired girl nodded and walked off with Lor. Now she was really wondering just what was going on inside of her friend. She had never seen Lor like this ever, reading the intensity that her blue eyes were holding. All that she knew at this point, was Something was really stirred up in the mind of Lor.
The park around the tree was empty, even on a day like it was. Lor took a seat under the tree’s branches and stared at the ground for a few moments. Tish finished off her fries, waiting to hear why the girl wanted someplace so secluded to talk in.
"This is not like Lor..." She told herself, watching the girl.
The blonde haired tomboy looked up from the ground and looked her friend right in the face. She stopped her words a few times, seemingly as if they were stuck somewhere on her tongue. With a determined look, the girl tried one more time, while Tish waited for the mystery to be unfolded.
" Tish..." She started, then finally continued after a second more of a pause. " How do you know if your gay?"
With her mouth hanging open, Tish stared at Lor. The question that was just posed to her had caught her off guard. She stared at the girl, and saw the sincerity in which the question had been put out in Lor was not fooling around, not any.
" Did you just say ‘How do you know if your gay’?" Tish sputtered
Lor nodded.
" Yeah... How do you know?"
" I think you just know if you are or are not... I don’t know..." Tish started, her eyebrows raising as she looked at Lor.
" That helps me very little." Lor said, shaking her head. The girl sighed a little and seemed to be collecting herself. " I feel so confused here, Tish, I don’t know this stuff that I have in my head here... that is why I needed to say somethin’ to you... and I thought maybe you have some idea."
The girl paused, thinking on the directness of Lor’s statement that was partially hidden in the ramblings..
" I have read that people know early in life, some even in grade school..." Explained the girl, now really wondering about her friend. " Why do you ask this question? Are you thinking that you are gay?"
" Promise you won’t laugh?" Asked Lor, her face showing almost a pleading.
" I wont... " Calmly said the girl.
" Please don’t think I am weird or something..." Continued the McQuarrie girl, her eyes locked on to Tish’s. " This is hard enough for me here... I think I am gay... or something."
Tish looked at her friend, she was not going to think Lor was weird, but her words were almost alien to her.
" Do you believe you are." The brainy young girl asked, trying to wade through her friend’s words
" I dunno..." She said.
Tish thought for a moment, while she watched the girl staring at her.
" Try to explain why you are thinking about if your gay or not?" Said the brain, seeing the expression on Lor’s face.
" You will think I am nuts or crazy.." Lor said, her face showing no smile. " I am afraid of what you might think... of me..."
" What ever you have to say, I won’t think your nuts. You’re my friend since kindergarten." Assured Tish. " I would never think that... you just explain this to me... and I will listen."
Lor looked at her friend, then spilled about the book she had looked at in her room, what had went through her mind since then and everything. She even told Tish about the masturbation she found herself doing, and that was in her sleep. She blushed, as she was not going to tell Tish everything like she was, but she was ending up doing it anyway.
Tish listened quietly to the oddly talkative Lor, hearing the confusion the young girl was having with it all, feeling the emotions behind it all flood out like a torrent. The only look on the brainy girl’s face, was shock.
Lor finished and waited for Tish. She could see the smart one of their group was deeply thinking on the matter. She clasped her hands in her lap, the strain of waiting was etched on her smooth face.
Tish finally spoke.
" Do you think your gay?" Was her question.
" That is just it... I don’t know..." Said a exasperated Lor. " I go through it in my head, over and over again until I want to scream and bang my head on a wall or somthin’.. An’ I still cant figure it out." She sighed to calm herself. " I came to you for help, or anything that you can suggest to do."
" I have been reading up on things like that.." Started Tish, then hesitating for a moment. " That is why I had that book you found in my room."
A hopeful sort of look came over the blonde girl’s face
" Then you could help me here... My brain feels like it’s going to explode or somethin’." Lor said, almost pleading with her friend.
" I can try..." Said Tish, nodding her head a little, but her mind was clearly jumbling too.
Tish was going to say something but Lor stopped her as she had glanced over her shoulder.
" Carver is back early..." She whispered, obviously she did not want for the lad to know about this. " Could you think on it for awhile, and well talk sometime later? I am hoping that you can find a way I could figure this out."
" But I don’t know what I could do here..." Started Tish, not knowing what to say. " Scientifically, I could look into it... it was my book... Maybe there is something in literature for me also to see to guide you..."
" Please... you are my best friend for like, so many years... help me." Lor said stopping her friend’s talking, speaking fast and pleading a little more strenuously as the dark dusty skinned lad neared, after seeing them.
Tish nodded her promise, and that seemed to calm the girl down a great deal. Lor sighed and turned to greet the newly arriving Carver, who was smiling and was carrying a large bag of Cheese Bonkies. The lad smirked and joined the two girls under the large limbs of the mighty tree.
The three soon were off to grab a slice or two of pizza together, as they knew that Tino was going to arrive sometime in the late afternoon to complete the gathering of the group. Carver and Lor were yakking away about school the next day, but Tish was in her own world right now as she walked a few steps behind the others.
She was planning out how she could find something to help her friend out, but the subject seemed to also be bothering Tish a great deal. It was not outwardly, but the look on the young cultured girl did point that out all too clearly.
Still in silence, Tish followed behind the two, as she pondered on the things that she had heard and was still brooding on.