Little Pieces of Noir: The Hillbilly Episode
(Somewhere in the hills of Kentucky)
A blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl was standing on her front porch, playing her fiddle (a.k.a. a violin). Her coveralls were cut off above the knees with a sleeveless flannel shirt. Her golden mane was free and wild. In short, she was a fine southern flower. Even more appealing, she had all her teeth.
“Ah think it’s about time ah settled down and found me a purty wife!” She set her family heirloom (and most important device for getting a blue ribbon at the county fair) back into its case. ‘Ah might have to charm her a mite (translation - a little bit)…’
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(On a front porch not so far away)
A girl with fuchsia (or darn near purple) hair was carving a human likeness out of a block of wood with one of her numerous knives. Next to her, an expressionless brunette stared out into the forest. The fuchsia-haired girl (It’s Chloe, all right!?) watched as a drop of sweat rolled it’s way down her sister’s face descending into near visible cleavage.
Chloe licked her lips. ‘Thank God, we’re adopted. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back!’ The knife-wielder carefully disengaged herself from her artistry to sneak over and tackle a cute sister she desperately wanted to smooch.
As she dove forward, Kirika (who else?) twisted to reach an apple she had brought for an afternoon snack. Chloe pulled the grass from her mouth and groaned.
Concerned, Kirika came to check on her, leaning over her. ‘Now’s my chance!’ Chloe carefully faked a twitch that sent the brunette falling on top of her. Both girls let out an “oomph.” ‘Bad idea; nice result.’
Her ‘sister’ blushed at their proximity, faces inches apart. Chloe began to close the gap.
“Oh mah stars! Are y’all (“you all”) all right?” Their ‘mother’ (graciously played by Altena) gathered her girls into her arms, pushing their faces against her bosom. “Mah darlin’ angels! Ah don’t know if ah could live without y’all!”
Both girls struggled, but their momma’s grip was legendary. She was originally planning on becoming a nun, but quit when she learned she couldn’t keep her shotgun… or her girlfriend.
Unfortunately, Altena’s girlfriend had been shot during a deer hunting accident. (Her last words: “Ah musta had the world’s best camouflage!”) Now, their mother cuddled with them at night. Sadly, this meant Chloe had trouble getting alone time with her sister.
The woman in question suddenly released her grip, sending the girls back to the ground. “Oh, right! Ah was about ta tell ya about the town social they’re a havin’ tonight.” She smiled, showing off the blank space where her incisor used to be; she had lost it while cleaning her guns (Hard to explain, trust me…). “Ah get to show y’all off to everyone. And to tell them to stay the Hell away from ya, cause y’all’re (trans. – “you all are”) mine!” The girls shivered as their momma laughed.
‘Maybe there’s such a thing as too much motherly affection…’ Chloe thought before her and Kirika’s faces were reapplied to Altena’s modest bosom.
----
After another interesting bath session with her adoring sister, Kirika felt refreshed. She put on her best blue dress (think Dorothy from Wizard of Oz) and put her short hair into pigtails. (Too cute, I know!!) She waited for Chloe and her mother to bring forth the mules and wagon.
As she tried to sit down, she jerked back up as two opposing hands returned to their owners. ‘I wonder if this is normal family behavior…’
----
Mireille smiled when the audience applauded as she finished her latest song. It was a sad song about her having to shoot her favorite hunting dog for biting her uncle. It still brought a tear to her eye. Mostly because the first shot hit her uncle. She decided to pick it up a notch, so she signaled for the band to play an up beat one.
She played, happy to be the center of attention. Surely, a worthy candidate would show up tonight. Otherwise, she’d have to visit a big city… The thought made her shiver. She continued to play, showcasing her talent. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a wagon pulling up late. Altena was a familiar sight. The woman had been interested in her for years. But the cute pair of girls with her was new. Her heart fluttered when she noticed the brunette with pig tails. She felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like when Mary gave her flowers the day of their graduation… from the fifth grade. ‘There’s somethin’ familiar about her.’
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Chloe noticed the blonde fiddler giving her sister ‘the look’ (signaling that she’s interested in her). She knew she’d have some competition for her sweet Kirika’s attention with the curvaceous musician around. ‘How to get her away from that woman’s sight?’ She pondered for a moment before arriving on a decision. “Hey sis, do you want to go check out the food? I hear Mrs. Cromwell makes a mean apple pie!”
Kirika gave her a sad look. “But what about the pretty music?”
Chloe frowned, but decided to go with it. “How about we dance?”
Kirika nodded with a slight smile as Chloe bowed and took up the lead. With a skip and a hop, they joined the dizzying crowd of dancers.
Altena stuck her thumbs into her belt loops and swelled with pride. Her little spring flowers were in full bloom. She noticed more than a few eyes glancing in their direction. ‘Looks like I’ll be needing ‘ole Bessie.’ She affectionately patted her favorite shotgun before loading it with shells.
Across town, the mortician felt his hands itch.
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Mireille’s grip tightened on her fiddle. ‘How dare that little brat get in my way!’ She managed to finish the current song without making any mistakes or committing acts of violence. She noticed that the target of her affections was being drug towards the refreshment table by the competition.
As Mireille quickly made her way towards the cute girl, she was a major point of attention. She had made it a point to dress up for tonight, wearing her most expensive red dress. She even bought some lipstick. Unfortunately, she got interrupted before she could put it on her top lip.
So, in essence, she looked even more attractive tonight than usual. This turned out to be quite frustrating as she pushed past all six of Ole’ Man Johnson’s sons and daughters, all clamoring for her attention and affection.
Once she got over to the food table area, she noticed the girl with odd colored hair trying to feed the other girl a piece of pie. Then, they took notice of her standing there close by.
She immediately offered her hand to the brunette. “Hi, ah’m Mireille. Ah haven’t had the pleasure of meetin’ ya.”
As the shy girl took her hand, Mireille drew it in close to kiss (something she heard that her charming French ancestors did). This drew a cute blush from the girl. She managed to quietly reply: “Kirika.”
“Well, ah’ll be! You’re the cutest little lady ah ever did see! Would you like to dance?” Mireille’s heart thundered in her chest like boot heels on a wood floor.
Kirika felt butterflies swoop around her stomach like barn swallows, but she managed to nod. She felt strange new feelings for the lovely fiddler. Kirika knew that she wanted to spend more time around the beautiful girl. There was also some memory trying to free itself.
Overjoyed, the blonde pulled her back to the dance floor. ‘She’s an exotic beauty; maybe she’s part Indian (Native American)?’
The girls only had eyes for each other as they skipped around the dance floor. Love was blooming and not everyone was happy.
‘Why that thievin’ (thieving) harlot (bad name, probably a prostitution reference)!!’ Chloe thought angrily. She carefully fingered the handle of her favorite knife. ‘Okay, so now Mr. Pointy and the blonde need to meet.’
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Altena looked up from her plate of chicken to notice that her eldest adopted daughter was tearing up the dance floor with Mireille. ‘First, she turns me down and now she’s tryin’ to steal one of mah girls! That hussy! (another term for a woman of low morals)’
Altena decided that it was time to take action. She smiled as she noticed Chloe was moving in from the other side to help defend her sister’s honor (possibly a reference to dignity, reputation,…or virginity - your choice). The look of anger was new from her normally placid daughter.
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During a particular slow song, Mireille smile widely to showcase her complete set of teeth. Then, she leaned in and softly kissed the surprised girl. The girl slowly began to respond.
The crowd surrounding them had different reactions, half were “Aw! How sweet!” Others replied: “Aw, dammit! Mireille’s off the market!”
Another purple haired girl stopped from slicing up flowers to pout. “At least I got to kiss her once in the series!” (I’m sure at least one of you can identify this cameo) “Hey! You aren’t going to let them know who I am? I’m –“ A tree branch miraculously broke and fell on top of the girl, knocking her unconscious.
As Mireille pulled back (and quite possibly removed her tongue), she noticed that Altena had closed in and was hefting her shotgun. ‘Oh crap.’ Then, she felt the knife to the back of her throat. ‘Double crap!’ Kirika looked up into her eyes, concerned.
“Kirika, step away from that harlot! She was supposed to be your new step-ma! Ah didn’t figure she’d come after mah daughter though.” Altena said in an even tone.
“C’mon, Ma! I wanna poke her with my knife! She can’t get away with stealin’ my Kirika away from me!” She paused to blush. “I mean, steal her from us.”
“Chloe, ya gotta move so ah can get a good shot with ole Bessie!” Altena switched off the safety, signaling that she was ready to shoot. The purple haired girl wisely moved to the side.
Kirika, seeing that her dancing partner’s life was on the line, threw out her arms and placed herself between her mother and the blonde. “Don’t hurt her, Ma! I love her!”
Mireille’s jaw dropped. “You love me?” The little brunette turned halfway around and nodded.
Altena pouted. “But how? Y’all two couldn’t have met before!”
Kirika sighed. “We did. It was five years ago before we left for Tennessee, just a couple of years after you adopted us.”
-----
A smaller Kirika was pouting at the large oak tree. She wasn’t tall enough to retrieve her cat, Davy Crockett, who was trapped in said tree.
Suddenly, she heard a rustling behind her. Out of the bushes, popped a slightly taller, older girl. She was really pretty with long blonde hair tied into pigtails. The blonde noticed the plight of the girl’s cat. “Want me to help get your kitty out of the tree?”
Kirika blushed and nodded.
Mireille smiled showing off her pretty teeth (a girl like this can be really hard to find if you’re in the right place), before beginning a quick climb. In just a couple of minutes, the courageous blonde coaxed the cat out of the tree and dropped down to the ground.
Kirika grabbed her cat happily. “Thank you.” She blushed brightly before leaning over to kiss the other girl on the cheek. The blonde just froze and watched as the cute girl ran back towards home with a smile on her face.
Mireille felt her heart swell. “If I ever see her again, I’m going to marry her!”
Behind the tree, Kirika smiled softly to herself at hearing those words. ‘Then, I hope we meet again someday.’
----
There was a collective “aw” from the crowd. Mireille blushed brightly.
Altena scratched her chin. “Whatever happened to that cat?”
Chloe quirked an eyebrow. “He “ran away” after we forgot to feed our guard dog.”
Kirika decided to get things back on topic. She looked into Mireille’s blue eyes. “Were you kidding when you said you would marry me if you found me again?”
Mireille paused for a moment. ‘I am looking and she’s the cutest, sweetest girl ah ever did see.’ She nodded. “If you’ll have me...” (trans. - “if you want to”)
Kirika let out an uncharacteristic squeal and leapt into her arms.
Chloe yelled out: “I’m not going to allow this! She’s my sister and she’s mine!”
Altena silenced her by pressing the poor girl into her bosom. The new couple turned to look at her. “Ah may not completely agree with y’all bein’ together and all that, but ah’ve never seen her look happier. But if you hurt her, ole’ Bessie will be the last thing you ever see.” Mireille and Kirika smiled and went off to the dance floor as the band picked up again.
Chloe flailed helpless in her dear mother’s arms. Altena sighed. “Ah’ll miss her too. Too bad, ah was hopin’ once y’all were old enough… Well, ah still have you, sweetie pie.” She noticed that her daughter had stopped struggling. “Aw… She’s all tuckered out (tired or asleep). Ah guess it’s time to get her home and in bed.” (can you guess what caused Chloe's lack of consciousness?)
Mireille and Kirika danced until late in the evening.
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(a short time later)
Mireille and Kirika were dressed in their finest dresses and standing on Mireille’s front porch. The blonde picked up the light brunette bridal style (hint, hint) and kicked open the door. “Welcome to our new home!” She looked into her humble, yet modest abode.
On their way to the bedroom, they heard something clinking around in the kitchen.
“Hey, daughter-in-law!” Altena said from standing in front of the stove. Chloe was slicing up some vegetables. “There was a leak in our roof and we knew you’d put us up from the kindness of your heart.”
Chloe looked slightly sadistic as she chopped excessively at an obviously deceased vegetable.
Kirika shifted in the blonde’s arms to give her a kiss. “Welcome home.” She smiled, which made things seem not quite that bad.
Altena spoke again. “Y’all better keep it down tonight. Ah’d rather not have ta sick ole’ Bessie on ya.”
Mireille sighed. ‘There goes the honeymoon.’ Kirika giggled quietly and kissed her again. ‘But she’s still mine.’
End