Story: Summer In Neptune (chapter 6)

Authors: Pat Kelly

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Chapter 6

Title: Nine

[Author's notes: Dialogue from "BASEketball" copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and Universal.
]

Nine

"I don't wanna be one of those girlfriends who nag," Buffy said, walking into Veronica's bedroom, "but what's taking so long?"

"I'm trying to decide...stuff the bra, or don't stuff the bra?" Veronica said distractedly, studying her flat-chestedness in her mirror. While shirted. "I mean, if you plan on feelin' me up at some point during the evening, I wouldn't want your hands to be entirely let down."

Buffy came to stand behind her. "I'm not exactly big with the cleavage, either."

"Well this bites," announced Veronica, turning around so she and Buffy were face-to-face. "I was *going* to pet me a rack...heavily. That was the whole idea. Otherwise, why even update my MySpace profile?"

"Want me to stuff? I'll stuff," Buffy said quickly. "But the illusion's gonna get pretty ruined mid-pet."

"If you really loved me, you'd go under the knife. I hear they do wonders with soy now; it's not just for vegans anymore," Veronica quipped, and then they both realized what word she'd used.

Interesting choice for someone who perfected the art of "emotional unavailability."

"Was just an expression. Don't read into it. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't move *that* fast."

"No, I...yeah, won't. It's great that your ego's so confident...that down the road I would sometime, but...first date and all. First step. Then farther steps," rambled Buffy.

She wouldn't exactly hate to reach that stage, but the last person she loved aloud...it didn't end well.

"I'm wondering if I even remember how this goes; my last date happened in a cemetery," she continued.

"From what I remember? Most dining establishments don't really see much profit in catering to the 'Goth' crowd," Veronica informed her, "so the ambiance errs toward the mainstream. But, we could wait till October when it's more...expected. Whatever makes you comfortable."

She sounded like she was being accommodating, but she was more being a smart ass. Therefore, she had to kiss her girlfriend's reaction to her attitude away.

"We'll muddle you through."

"Yep, that's me--‘Muddler Buffy.' Once you learn how? It's always there for falling back on," grinned Buffy, kissing her back. "I am so glad your dad is in another state right now."

"Yeah, it was super nice of Tiny to hop the Pen wall this morning, wasn't it?" Veronica agreed. "It's like 'Prison Break'...if Wentworth Miller were forty-five, three-hundred pounds, pug *and* fug, ugly."

"How'd he hop the wall if--?"

"Expression. Again," Veronica clarified. "But Dad's spur-of-the-moment road trip still didn't get us out of the 'List.' Just bumped it up a few hours."

No drinking, no getting arrested, no being out past midnight. When he called at 12:01, if they weren't safely back at the apartment, and couldn't prove they were safely back at the apartment, he would put a bounty out, and forget to specify "Dead" or "Alive." No using their friends as false alibis. And no "funny business" was emphasized. It continued, though mostly with different variations of the same rules.

"I liked the 'List' better when it was Duncan's pain," Buffy stated unequivocally.

She spotted the laptop. "Are Willow and Mac still IMing?"

"When I talked to Mac ten minutes ago, the answer was 'yes.'" Veronica smiled--those crazy nerds. "And that was the conversation in full. So much for the pre-date pep talk from our nearest and nerdiest," she lamented. "I think Oz infected her with 'monosyllabitis.'"

Buffy nodded. "Goes away in a few days, though. Listen to a really wordy song; works for me. Especially that R,E.M one."

Veronica grabbed her purse and keys. "Rundown--jean-casual, no on the tissue-packing, and Bennigan's."

"Check," Buffy confirmed. "But Bennigan's has ambiance? Since when?"

They walked out of the room.

"Since the days of 'Fat Albert,' when the nation first fell in love with that kitschy, 'junkyard treasure trove' theme," Veronica elaborated, opening the front door. "Who am I, Rockefeller?"

"Aha! You *are* picking up the check." Buffy read beneath the lines of that comment. "That means--"

"--not a farking thing." Veronica looked at her sleeping dog on the couch. "I'll just post a sign, so all the burglars know to be extra quiet when they clean out the place."

She locked up, and they made their way down to the ground level of the complex.

"I may not've regular-dated in a while, but the person who drives, pays." Buffy wasn't letting go of this. "It's traditional."

"Sure is...except when she's the only one the state of California has OK'd to sit at the ‘Big Wheel,'" Veronica retorted faux-cockily.

"Next time we talk to my mother, you can tell her why I need to finally take the test, then."

 

________

 

~Mars Investigations, That Morning~

 

It was 8:30--Keith had left an hour and fifteen minutes ago. The girls were in their "Hut" uniforms, still fresh from showers, one sitting on either side of the reception desk. They chose to do the call here, because "Mars Investigations'" had a speaker phone. Veronica didn't want Buffy to have to do this alone.

"Hi, Mom...did we wake you?" Buffy asked, trying to maintain a high level of confidence.

"Buffy! Hi, honey!" Joyce warmly responded. "No, I took the day off, and I've been up planting in the backyard. It was just so empty-looking, I thought, 'Why not?' Nothing's growing yet, but it should be by the time you see it. I hope," she chuckled breathlessly. "Who's 'we'?"

"Hi, Mrs. Summers," Veronica piped up. "You're on speaker."

"Well this is nice--how are you, Veronica?" Buffy's mother asked. "Your dad says he's been amazed at how you've been handling everything. I couldn't even imagine."

"I'm like a shark...'Always move forward,' that's my motto," Veronica told her. "But I've been meaning to thank you for letting Buffy hang around. The migraines have been few and far between."

"For one of us, anyway," Buffy came back at her, and they stuck their tongues out at one another.

"I'm glad you girls are having fun." You could hear the amusement in Joyce's voice. "I think all the kids are still home asleep, but they called Mr. Giles on their way back. They had a great time down there."

"Much fun was had," agreed her daughter.

"And our permanent records call us 'anti-social'...hah," Veronica gloated.

Showed them.

Buffy gave her girlfriend a look. "She means, 'probably.'"

Because it wasn't like they looked, or anything.

"Don't you have work today?" Joyce suddenly remembered.

"Yeah, 9 to 1." Buffy just kept reminding herself to breathe through her nervousness. "We just wanted to call and say 'hey'...and...to tell you something."

"Something we feel real good about," added Veronica, feeling the nervousness herself.

"What she said," Buffy supported. "And we hope you'll see the good, too. When we tell you what it is. Which we're going to. Any--"

"Are..." Joyce began, but trailed off.

 There was a momentary pause.

"You're dating, aren't you?"

"Um..." This completely threw Buffy's rehearsal out the window. "We will be later."

"How'd you know?" Veronica wondered.

"I was a teenager too, once. And I'm having a very frightening flashback to when I tried to tell my parents I..." The adult hesitated. "...liked a boy you don't need to hear about."

"Hear about what?" Veronica asked, graciously letting Buffy's mother off the hook.

Her natural curiosity was quelled in order to get in good with the parent. But after she had, their conversation awkwardly stalled. The "Jeopardy" theme would've fit in nicely.

Buffy couldn't take it. She courageously ventured, "So whaddaya think?"

 

________

 

"I'll trade you...three, 'Ultimate Nachos' for one, 'Cheeseburger Egg Roll,'" Veronica offered as they ate their appetizers/meal in a booth by the window.

They got a large sampler to share between themselves, and one other appetizer each besides.

"Throw in toppings, and it's a deal," haggled Buffy. "Ooh, and one must be fed to me."

"I feel we can do business," Veronica agreed to those terms with a smile.

She made the switch, but with the third nacho, she really loaded it up with jalapeños, salsa and cheese, and held it out.

"Hope you brought mints."

"You're evil," Buffy accused.

Veronica smiled wider. "And you're nonspecific. We're learning so much about each other...isn't it great?"

She cleared her throat, telling her girlfriend to hurry up.

Buffy opened her mouth, the nacho was directed inside, and she chewed. Within moments, her eyes began to water, and she coughed. Luckily, Veronica was there in the clutch with water and straw. She also had the grace to at least look like she felt a little bad.

"Evil," reiterated the slayer, coughing some more.

Veronica clapped her hands together, and conversationally asked, "So how's the date going for you?"

"Best one ever." Buffy rolled her eyes, but then looked more sincere. "No, seriously? 'Cause I'm me, I keep waiting for the 'Bad' to happen, to be wigged, anything 'dark cloud-y,' but this feels so...not near that. M'still getting used to. And with my best friend."

Veronica knew what she meant. "Ain't just you. My dad was right--that girl from before Lilly's murder? Haven't been her in a long time. I'm jaded pretty much around the clock, and go outta my way to see that everyone's kept *at least* a Paul Bunyan's arm length away.

"Wallace and Mac weaseled their way closer than most, but let's just say I don't usually have conversations like this with them. Don't open up, don't share, and it feels kinda awkward when they're looking for a shoulder."

Buffy was on the same page. "We're *not* who we were at fifteen and sixteen."

"Yet...the odd? Suddenly you're here, and things 'Sixteen-Year-Old Veronica' knew how to do, are resurfacing in the elder cynic before you. There was *hugging* when you showed up at my door. I don't hug anybody who isn't kin."

Veronica had a list of things she'd done with Buffy around, that she'd thought lost.

"At first I wondered, 'Am I fooling myself, trying to recapture those days of yore? Picking up where we left off can't be this easy.' And then adding *this*," she gestured between them, meaning their coupling, "felt more than a little inevitable. Those girls we were aren't ever coming back, but--"

"--past and present meshed at a happy middle, and then went in a satisfyingly crazy direction of new?" Buffy cut her off, anticipating the end.

"And there...putting the period on sentences." Veronica shook her head, amazed. "When I said my happiness level's been above average? I meant it." She brought her thumb and forefinger just short of touching. "I'm about that close to skirting ‘giddy's' edge.

"My cynicism thinks I'm only putting blinders on, but I know Neptune. I still see what it is; you just haven't let me get dragged down again," she blushed a bit here. "Must *really* like you."

Because of the G-rated, family environment, they had to settle for their feet finding one another under the table.

"Must *really* like you, too," smiled Buffy, and then she frowned. "Home's gonna be hard."

With that depressing thought, they each ate a mozzarella stick in silence.

Finishing hers, Veronica asked, "What happens after this summer? And as much as your being elsewhere will blow--heaps, in case you were wondering--not talking about that. It'll work itself out. But soon, we'll be forced to walk Life's tightrope solo again. Then what do we do?"

"What we have to," Buffy said with a shrug. "Even if we don't...like ourselves much sometimes."

Veronica sighed. "Which when translated, reads: 'Run back into the welcoming, cozy ruts that make us, us.'"

"Or maybe hope we don't forget what living outside our ruts was like for a few months," suggested Buffy. "I'm not slaying and you're not sleuthing...but we both know it's kinda part of who we are now. When I save everyone and don't feel crushed by, I love being 'chosen.' Just like you love outsmarting people and making money at it."

"Indeed I do," Veronica admitted, recalling fond memories.

The watchword was covering up a truth that couldn't stay covered for long.

"Every time I stub my toe across that line, though..." It got difficult to look at herself in the mirror.

"My advice? Check whether crossing is absolutely necessary, and make sure another way can't be first," Buffy advised, thinking of her own experiences as she did. "If there isn't? Least you explored all options."

"Mm." Veronica looked thoughtful. "Thorough, rational...interesting approach."

Buffy smiled. "And anyway, if we start sliding into a bad place, we'll be a phone call away."

Veronica agreed with this also.

"But Sunnydale's two months thattaway," the slayer went on.

"When she's right..." Veronica let herself trail off, and then sipped her Coke. "Hey, wanna play 'I Spy'?"

Buffy's eyebrows arched. "What're we spying?"

"Cheating spouses." Veronica's expression said, "What else?" and then she grinned.

"This date just gets better and better," smirked Buffy, rolling her eyes again.

This was going to be a fantastic story to tell her mother.

 

________

 

"Wait," Buffy said quickly into the phone, and to Joyce on the other end, "before you say anything, uh, just for perspective? I think you should know you dated a robot."

"I...*what*?" Her mother audibly gasped. "Oh god. Ted. You let me date a robot?"

"I didn't know! At least, not until I hit him with the frying pan..."

"How very 'Looney Tunes' of you," commented Veronica.

"There was like a split-second. Had to improvise," Buffy told her girlfriend, defensively.

Veronica looked innocent. "I'm not judging your methods."

"Good. Glad."

Joyce cleared her throat to get their attention. "I guess I should be glad Veronica isn't like Angel."

Her daughter couldn't think of anything to say, so she didn't.

"Mr. Giles told me wha...who he was, Buffy," Joyce continued carefully.

"Veronica knows about vampires, Mom; so does Mr. Mars. But I'm glad she isn't like Angel, either."

Veronica then whispered with a mischievous grin, "Never know--I've been told my bite *is* worse than my bark."

Buffy mouthed, "What the hell?"

"Sounds like you're happy," spoke Joyce again.

Thankfully, she hadn't heard that.

"We are, Mrs. Summers," Veronica responded, not missing a beat.

"And your dad must've said he was all right with it, if you're calling me," Joyce assumed.

"Yeah, he did."

They could almost hear the woman thinking, and what she was thinking was that she didn't want to hurt her relationship with her daughter any further.

"Do you girls wanna meet somewhere for lunch? Maybe on Thursday?"

 

________

 

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"*Dude*."

"I guess you got a point there."

Buffy and Veronica quoted the dugout scene in "BASEketball" back and forth as they watched it on DVD. They were going to go to a theater, but there wasn't much out to see other than "War of the Worlds," and they couldn't even stand Tom Cruise enough to sit there and make fun of him. So instead, they came back to the apartment to finish their date.

A night stroll around Neptune wouldn't have been that safe. Or romantic.

Why "BASEketball?" It was the first, R-rated movie their impressionable, eleven-year-old minds had been exposed to. Keith made the mistake of renting it and leaving it in the VCR; it held a special place in their hearts. It was a small glimpse into the comic genius waiting to be applied to the "South Park" movie a year later.

After they laughed, Buffy said, "Um, by splitting dinner, the ‘butch' question isn't answered."

"Like the check, I'll go fifty-fifty," offered Veronica as her head lay in Buffy's lap on the couch. "Want me 'gumshoeing' again, I need to keep my girlish qualities handy."

"I don't want you to explain, do I?"

"It does involve the occasional stuffing," Veronica revealed.

Buffy sighed. "Was right--I didn't want."

She slid down, and Veronica slid up, so they were both lying beside one another.

"Fine, fifty-fifty," she accepted.

They went back to quoting the film.

"'That's him, Squeak,'" Veronica said. "'That's Tuttle.'"

"'He's been talking some serious *beep* about you all night,'" Buffy said the next line how they used to, and self-censored.

They'd been too young to curse.

"'Yeah. He told everyone he caught you *beep*-ing off in the bathroom before the game,'" Veronica smirked and giggled.

"'He saw that?!'" Buffy said her line, and they both chuckled. "Good first date."

"Bet your *beep* it was."

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